- 3 hours ago
Rivals S02E02
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:16People sometimes ask me, do sportsmen make good politicians?
00:22I say yes, if you like your politicians brave, disciplined, strong in body, mentally agile.
00:30Someone who knows how to truly commit, working night and day to make your life better.
00:35Someone who knows they're playing for the winning side, who was born to win and refuses to lose.
00:42So, you forgot?
00:44Not for a second.
00:45Half term break, you have until Wednesday.
00:46I've been looking forward to it.
00:48Stop it!
00:48Your poker face is terrible.
00:50More of a bridge man, I do like a foursome.
00:52Daddy!
00:54Hello, sweetheart!
00:58Hi, Marcus.
01:01Hi, Dash.
01:02The children's bags, the clothes are all labeled.
01:04There's a list in there if you could check them all off when they come back.
01:06Tabitha came home without a single sock last time.
01:11Hello.
01:17Hi.
01:18I'm Mrs. Gordon, the children's mother.
01:20Uh, yeah.
01:21Uh, and then Mrs. Cameron.
01:22I've heard so much about you.
01:25Philadelphia, right?
01:26Yes, ma'am.
01:27Well, New York by way of Philly.
01:28You?
01:29Florida.
01:30Hmm.
01:31And hi.
01:32You must be Tabitha.
01:34Obviously.
01:35Who are you?
01:38Um, I'm your, uh, your father's girlfriend.
01:42You bloody nuts!
01:43Ugh!
01:48Okay, I'm gonna leave you to deal with that.
01:50I'm late from my plane.
01:52My husband is waiting.
01:53Where are you going?
01:54Venice.
01:54Oh!
01:55Baby, we should go to Venice.
01:57Wasted on Rupert, I'm afraid.
01:58Okay, kiss the children for me.
02:00I'll see them.
02:01Wednesday.
02:02Wednesday.
02:02Right.
02:03I'm sorry.
02:04I didn't know that they didn't know about me.
02:06Enjoy Venice!
02:08Don't fall in!
02:18Tabitha!
02:19Come and meet Cameron properly!
02:27Told you you should order the beef.
02:29Luigi's is legendary.
02:30You know, I'm not really enjoying red meat at the moment.
02:32Ah!
02:33Monica couldn't eat eggs for nine months.
02:34Couldn't see them in the pantry without feeling nauseous.
02:40So, explain to me how it's mine.
02:44Do you remember the day I joined Carinium?
02:46Celebration dinner at the Bear in Bisley.
02:48Two courses.
02:49Me for pudding.
02:50Forgive me, I'm not the only suspect.
02:53James and I didn't start until Miss Carinium.
02:54You knew of a husband?
02:55No.
02:56Paul lost his libido at the same time as his cabinet seat.
02:58Not something, um, you'd ever have trouble with, I imagine.
03:04You're feeling a bit pushed out since BT came on board at Carinium, am I right?
03:08You're also aware that Cameron's out.
03:10You're wondering if a little power move like this might move you into the position she vacated.
03:17Queen of Carinium.
03:18Sad to say, Sarah, we're not inviting applications at present.
03:21Nor are we looking for an illegitimate heir to the throne.
03:25Get rid of it.
03:26I know a very good chap in Harley Street had this sorted out in no time.
03:30A termination.
03:32Not a nice word.
03:34Better to think of it as a cleansing of your soul.
03:38Be a shame if this were to hang over your blossoming career.
03:42It would hang over you too though, wouldn't it?
03:46And Monica.
03:47Ooh.
03:53Imminently deniable.
03:56Unless that's a pearl pops out with a cigar in its mouth, you don't have to prove it's mine.
04:00Here you go.
04:01Mmm.
04:04Bon appetit.
04:07Mmm.
04:07God, it's good.
04:09Mmm.
04:11Try the beef.
04:19Come on.
04:26Don't try to play chess with me, Sarah.
04:28You're not clever enough.
04:29We both want rid of this problem, so you sort it out as quick as you possibly can.
04:33Good girl.
04:41Rupert's all over bloody everything.
04:43They've shown his party political broadcast five times this week.
04:46He's been on Breakfast Time and TV AM, both channels.
04:48Both channels.
04:51Meanwhile, I can't even get invited on Cotswold Roundup, a programme presented by my own wife.
04:56Thank you, darling.
04:58So listen, I've made some calls and we're going to have a dinner party on Tuesday.
05:02See if we can't turn some local goodwill into actual television coverage.
05:06Show to anybody, we mean business.
05:10Dinner party here?
05:12Do you know, Winifred always used to throw me dinner parties in the run-up to an election.
05:19And I never had to suggest it myself.
05:22Oh.
05:22Good for Winifred.
05:26Yes.
05:28Perhaps you should start thinking about what to cook.
06:02You're too good to those birds.
06:04I like how busy they are.
06:06Work so hard at surviving.
06:08Morning.
06:09Aubergines.
06:10From the market, as requested.
06:12Aubergines in the Cotswold.
06:13Your advice was in London last night.
06:15I've got to make six, um, what's that again?
06:18Moussaka.
06:18And a spare one for your lunch.
06:22Can't wait.
06:23Do you want a hand?
06:24I'm a decent sous chef.
06:26Okay.
06:27Good morning, all.
06:28Good morning.
06:31Boss lady's here.
06:37Morning.
06:38You must be Marcus.
06:40Hello.
06:41Which makes you Tabitha.
06:43And you're Declan O'Hara from the telly.
06:45Declan O' Telly, that's right.
06:47This is all looking great.
06:48It is, but Charles called me this morning.
06:51Turns out Carinium are also developing a series of Shakespeare plays for the school's market.
06:55Do you know about this?
06:56It's another thing from our application document, isn't it?
07:21It is.
07:22All right, then.
07:23Where do you want this, Declan?
07:26Over here.
07:27There you go.
07:28Oh, fuck.
07:28I'm sweating carbs here.
07:30Who is this person?
07:31Oh.
07:33Good morning, Venture Television.
07:34Shelley speaking.
07:35Well, we said we needed a secretary.
07:36She prefers executive assistant.
07:38Declan.
07:39BBC for you.
07:47Declan O'Hara.
07:49Hello, Jeremy.
07:51Hi, Baz.
07:52Oh, hello, Munchkin.
07:54Oh.
07:54How about you?
07:55Is there any food?
07:56Lovely.
07:56Cameron made breakfast, but it was disgusting.
07:59Good man.
08:00Which is your desk?
08:01Why?
08:02The only character in my life.
08:03I want to know everything about you.
08:05That's fantastic.
08:05We'll put you over here, Cameron.
08:06This is the driving seat.
08:08Why don't you go into the kitchen and find your desk?
08:10And Taggy.
08:10She'll get you a snack.
08:11Go on.
08:12Just do that.
08:13I scrambled some eggs.
08:14How was that disgusting?
08:15Will do, Jeremy.
08:18So, our Yeats documentary is now officially in development.
08:23Oh!
08:23Yay!
08:25I love a bit of Yeats.
08:26Oh, honey, Theresa, you were pronouncing it Yeats.
08:28So, what happens now?
08:30Take a trip over to Ireland.
08:31Scout out some locations.
08:32We don't need to shoot in Ireland.
08:33We've got landscape coming out of our ears in Russia.
08:36With all due respect, Cameron.
08:37Says the man about to say something disrespectful.
08:40Fucking Rutsch here.
08:42It looks nothing like Ireland.
08:43And it's ignorant to even suggest that we would ever...
08:45We should be trying to film wherever's least expensive.
08:47I don't want the maths club running the drama group, all right?
08:50Oh, hello, children.
08:52Uh, there's nobody in the kitchen.
08:55Okay, uh, take a seat and we'll find you some cookies or something.
08:59Huh, Shelley?
09:01You don't want the math club running the drama group.
09:03I don't want the drama group being irresponsible with Venturer's program budget.
09:11Oh, my God.
09:13Oh, my God.
09:13You little shit.
09:15Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
09:16Come on, the timing was good.
09:17Camera infarticated!
09:19Ew, I can smell it!
09:20Thank God.
09:21I'm just gonna speak to her.
09:30Hey, uh...
09:32Why don't you take her with you?
09:34Can I show the landscape?
09:36Make her fall in love with the place.
09:37Oh, my God.
09:38You want me to take Cameron to Ireland?
09:41Why am I suspicious?
09:44I can really use a few days alone with the kids.
09:48Try and talk to them about this new... relationship.
09:53Help me out here?
09:57Yeah.
09:58Yeah, alright.
10:02Taggy!
10:04Taggy, I've got you!
10:09Dish.
10:12Hello?
10:14Freddie.
10:17You been okay?
10:23Not great.
10:25No, me neither.
10:27Bloody coffees!
10:29So, hello, Lizzie.
10:31Sorry, snatching a moment.
10:32Didn't mean to interrupt.
10:33Oh, no, don't worry.
10:34I don't know why Muggins here has been left to make the coffee while Shelly's sat on
10:37her arse with her tin of Family Circle.
10:39I always prefer to sit near the biscuits.
10:41Yes, I am.
10:45How many times have you shagged now?
10:48Once.
10:49And never again.
10:51Surely not.
10:52I'd imagine Mr Jones is a very considerate lover.
10:55I'm married.
10:55Yes, to James Verica.
10:58We can't all just do what we want, Rupert.
11:00The rules are there to stop people getting hurt.
11:02That's why most of us try to stick to them.
11:04I came to give this back to Taggy.
11:07We were all quite surprised when you moved Cameron into Pensacom Court.
11:11Well, I hope it's working out.
11:23Beaver?
11:25Fetch!
11:25I'll only be a few days in Ireland.
11:28Honestly, how is he my son with an underarm like that?
11:33You won't do anything silly, will you, if Tony comes prowling around?
11:36He's in with a show jumping trophy.
11:39If he had anything on us, he'd have used it by now.
11:41Look, I said I would be here to look after you.
11:44And I will.
11:46I think you like that you rescued me.
11:48What happens when I don't need taken care of anymore?
11:50Yeah, I might have rescued you the first time, but the second time you rescued yourself.
11:53And I don't like that very much.
11:56Well, I guess Tabitha's not coming to say goodbye.
11:59Look, I know she's been a little toad.
12:02I've never had a woman here at the same time as the children.
12:05Whatever else I've done, I've stuck to that.
12:06So, of course, she's rattled by meeting you.
12:08It's your own bloody fault for making me adore you enough to break the rules.
12:13You know what?
12:14I'm gonna miss you.
12:21And I'll miss you too, Blue.
12:23Bye, Marcus.
12:24Bye.
12:31Do you think she'll come back?
12:35Why wouldn't she?
12:55Are you lost?
12:57Oh.
12:59Sorry you're upset.
13:01I'm Taggy.
13:02I live in the house down there.
13:05I like your purple skirt.
13:07I always wanted one, but my knees are too lovely.
13:11Hey, this is Curtry.
13:13She's a good listener.
13:13I tell her all my problems.
13:15Her voice isn't very good, though.
13:16She mainly just whiffs and girls.
13:21You think you can tell her what's wrong?
13:23Daddy doesn't love me anymore.
13:27There you are.
13:32Darling, what did I tell you about running away?
13:34This is Taggy, Daddy.
13:36She lives down there.
13:37Yeah.
13:38We've, uh...
13:39We've met.
13:40Can she come to tea, Daddy?
13:41Please, please?
13:42Oh, um...
13:45Yeah, come and have some tea.
13:46Why not?
13:48Um, I've...
13:48I've gotta get home, but another day, okay?
13:53Come on, pup.
13:56Okay.
13:56Home time.
14:00I don't think she likes you, Daddy.
14:09Good morning, Rutger.
14:11What a beautiful, sunny morning it is, too.
14:13With the general election only days away, this morning, we'll be asking if Rutger will stay as conservative as ever,
14:20or if local MPs who put Campbell Black for Chalford & Bisley and Paul Stratton for Conchester should be watching
14:26their backs for a potential liberal landslide.
14:35And here is the kitchen, where you'll be making all the magic happen.
14:40Cooker, fridge here, pantry, a walk-in cupboard there, that's where Paul keeps all the wine and whatnot.
14:45Um, you're happy with the recipe?
14:47It's just I know that reading's a struggle for you, isn't it, with your dyslexia?
14:51Oh, I'm fine.
14:52I've got everything.
14:55For writing it out so big.
14:56No, I know beef.
14:57It's a bit much, isn't it, for a summer dinner party.
14:59But, well, it's his favourite.
15:01My husband's favourite, I mean.
15:03And with the election and Paul needs all the TV coverage you can get.
15:06Oh, of course.
15:07And you don't mind staying in the kitchen tonight, do you?
15:09It's just, it's a bit awkward.
15:11You've been Ventra.
15:12Oh.
15:12Daddy doesn't know, but he can't really complain, we need the money.
15:15Ah.
15:16Well, just don't go poisoning all of Carinium in my dining room.
15:20Seriously though, you really mustn't let anyone see you.
15:23Oh.
15:24Okay.
15:24I've rather given the impression that I'm doing the cooking tonight, so I really need everything to be perfect.
15:29Right.
15:32Okay, well, I'm going to go to the hairdressers.
15:34Um, don't answer the door.
15:36But if somebody calls, just pretend to be the daily.
15:38Okay?
15:39Oh, sure.
15:40Um, what if anyone sees me in the kitchen tonight?
15:42Shh.
15:47Just duck into the pantry.
15:53This afternoon, the MP for Chalford and Bisley was in Stroud with his children to open the newest branch of
15:58Waitrose.
15:58armed with a very large pair of scissors.
16:01And three, two, one.
16:03Yay!
16:04So, thank you.
16:05No, delighted to drop in on our walk around Stroud.
16:07Waitrose is absolutely the best place to pick up a nice hunk of Codswell bloom.
16:16No, no, no, no, no, no.
16:18God, no, you idiot.
16:22Um.
16:24Okay.
16:25Okay.
16:27Oh.
16:35Hello, Mrs. Stratton-Bishop and thank you very much.
16:38That's the worst Russian accent I've ever heard, Sarah.
16:41It's Rupert.
16:42It's...
16:43It's not Sarah.
16:44Is that Taggy?
16:46Sarah said to pretend to be a daily.
16:48Um, uh, I'm actually after Paul.
16:50Um, is he there?
16:51It's party business.
16:53Shit.
16:54Oh.
16:56Darling, what is it?
16:58I'm making Mr. Stratton's favourite beef and the white elephant in Painswick, only I've just dropped all the soil on
17:02it and now it's ruined.
17:03Oh, Angel.
17:05Well, can you make it again?
17:06No, it's too late.
17:07The butcher shuts at four.
17:08God, it ruined everything.
17:11All right, leave it with me.
17:12Uh, you get on with the starter and I'll be there in an hour.
17:14No, you don't have to do that.
17:18But there's an awful lot to do.
17:20Sorry, Gerald.
17:21I'm rescuing a constituent.
17:22Give me back my money!
17:23Can't have it.
17:24It's free parking, not three pounds.
17:33stolen business.
17:53, I'm gonna do that.
18:12Are you nearly done? They're sitting down. Well, some of them. Nearly, nearly.
18:17Someone's coming.
18:23Gorgeous canapes, Sarah.
18:24Oh, thanks so much. I love those. Taggy O'Hara makes them.
18:30Yes. Yes, I asked for the recipe.
18:34What are you cooking us?
18:36I'm cooking Luigi's famous beef dobe. I had to almost sleep with him to get the recipe.
18:40But that's Tony's favourite. I can't wait to tell him. Can I do anything?
18:45Yes, will you tell the men to bloody well sit down? God, it's like herding cats, isn't it?
18:49Where's your glass, Lizzie? Put it down again.
18:56Sarah? Sorry, did I make you jump?
18:59I'm so sorry for bringing your nemesis. Mother's not well tonight.
19:03Beatty overheard me on the phone and insisted she come along with me instead.
19:06I couldn't stop her.
19:07Don't worry. I put her next to James.
19:09Oh, actually, you can take this in for me.
19:14I need no second bidding.
19:18Now then, who needs to talk about the whole meeting?
19:22Now, can I take these? Are these ready to go?
19:25Oh, I'm not ready. Ready.
19:26Well, they look ready.
19:27Actually, yes, they're ready. Sorry.
19:30And just remind me again, what are these?
19:32It's trout mousse with a cucumber salad and Malba toast.
19:35And did it take me long to make it?
19:37Not really, because we're very good at cooking.
19:44Beef daub for eight, direct from Luigi at the White Elephant.
19:47Oh, my goodness. You're a lifesaver. Thank you.
19:50Oh, look, it's the same dish. Do you mind?
19:55Does your father know you're cooking for the enemy?
19:58This is the strangest job I have.
20:00Look, it's Sarah. Quick.
20:02Really?
20:06I knew Sarah wasn't cooking.
20:08Oh, my God. Please don't say anything. I'll be in such trouble.
20:10I said I was going to the loo.
20:12Why don't you use the upstairs one?
20:13Well, I don't need the loo.
20:14That's okay.
20:18What are the herbs on top? Monica's asking.
20:20Oh, and Dill.
20:21Dill?
20:22No.
20:23Paul wants horseradish.
20:24Oh, Sarah.
20:24No, no, not in there.
20:28What the hell are you doing here?
20:29I just popped round to see Taggy.
20:32Sarah.
20:32Wait.
20:36I have to speak to you.
20:37I'm hosting a dinner party, James.
20:39It can't wait.
20:40I'm sure it can.
20:41I am going crackers.
20:41Apparently, you are pregnant.
20:47Is it true?
20:48Is it mine?
20:49No.
20:50I'm getting rid of it, all right?
20:52Just...
20:52Please, don't say anything.
20:53Sarah!
20:54Sarah, you're in the kitchen.
20:56I'm getting in.
20:57I'm getting in.
20:58I'm fine.
21:00Oh.
21:03Everything all right, darling?
21:04Yes.
21:04Why?
21:05Well, I don't know.
21:05See you in a bit...
21:06Well, so do you.
21:08This is terribly important.
21:09I know.
21:10Oh, my insides are not right at all.
21:12Oh.
21:13It's probably just nerves.
21:14Yeah.
21:14Go upstairs and swing some of that pecto business.
21:16Yeah, it's all right.
21:18Oh.
21:18Oh.
21:21Someone was in the other Lou, so I went upstairs.
21:24Oh, no problem.
21:25Very good.
21:25Come on.
21:26Sit down.
21:27Have a drink.
21:28Another drink.
21:39Get back in there before Lizzie sees your god.
21:40God, Sarah, I can't tell you the relief.
21:42Oh.
21:47It's not mine, is it?
21:48No.
21:49Fuck off.
21:49Get me the horseradish.
21:50Middle shelf.
21:51I don't know what the horseradishes is.
21:53Let me.
21:53Oh, that's all.
21:54Oh, just a second.
21:55Oh, God.
21:58What does a girl have to do to get a proper drink around here?
22:01Could murder a Scotch.
22:03Are we alone?
22:04Looks like it.
22:06Our plan is coming together deliciously.
22:09I genuinely think it might lose a particular unlovely person
22:12their particularly lovely job.
22:13Beautiful music to my ears.
22:15Hmm.
22:16You just need to keep a certain person out of my way.
22:21Oh.
22:22Hello, you two.
22:24Talking shop again, are we?
22:25Well, you really are the most attentive host.
22:27Every time I turn around, there you are.
22:29Well, actually, I was just popping in for this cheeky little burgundy
22:32to go with the beef.
22:33What do you say, Tony?
22:33Shall we, er, rip the liquors off?
22:35Oh, God.
22:35Absolutely.
22:36Excuse me.
22:36It mustn't be monarch-like.
22:38Oh, did I mention what a wonderful job you're doing on the election campaigns?
22:42Sarah has learnt so much from you.
22:44Well, she had a great deal to learn.
22:46Indeed.
22:46Very good.
22:52Right.
22:53This is my very important dinner party.
22:56All right?
22:56So I have to go back in there because people are going to start asking where I am.
22:59Please, get the main course ready and try not to do anything more to fuck up my night.
23:03Fine.
23:04Oh, Jesus.
23:05Okay.
23:07Okay.
23:07What can I do?
23:08Can you take this one with you?
23:10Oh.
23:12Hide the evidence.
23:13Of course.
23:14And this is definitely the salty one.
23:15Yes.
23:16Thank you so much for tonight.
23:18Wish I could pay you back.
23:19Okay.
23:20I mean, return the favour.
23:25Well, actually, there is one thing you could help me with.
23:29Oh, yeah?
23:30One to have escaped from coldest.
23:31What?
23:32This is just you.
23:33Oh.
23:34Has Tony said anything to you?
23:35About what?
23:36The entire purpose of this evening.
23:37Getting my face on Coridium Television.
23:40No.
23:40But he can't last your still in here, can he?
23:43Oh, do me a favour.
23:44Crack open another bottle of red.
23:45Liz is really ploughing through it.
23:47Yeah.
23:47Roger.
23:50Well, I'm on board.
23:58Oh, God, she took it.
24:00What do we do?
24:00Oh, God.
24:02You'll have to go in there.
24:02I can't go in there.
24:03Well, I really can't go in there.
24:04Watch out.
24:05Oh.
24:06It's the wrong beef.
24:07What?
24:08You'll regret it if you argue, darling.
24:09Just run and get the beef.
24:10What?
24:11Oh, God.
24:12Yeah.
24:13Oh, hang on.
24:13Oh, hang on.
24:13Oh, hang on.
24:14Oh, hang on.
24:14Oh, hang on.
24:15Oh, hang on.
24:15Oh, hang on.
24:15Oh, hang on.
24:15Oh, hang on.
24:16Oh, hang on.
24:20What the hell is going on?
24:22Everyone in there thinks I'm Batty.
24:23Just say you forgot to garnish it.
24:25Sarah!
24:26Oh, God.
24:27Oh, my God.
24:30Is everything all right, Tom?
24:34Sarah, what is the daughter of Tony Battyham's greatest enemy doing in our kitchen?
24:38Oh, please, God, don't tell me she cooked the dinner.
24:42It's no good.
24:44It's no good.
24:45I'm never going to be able to cook like Winifred.
24:47Darling, I just wanted your night to be perfect, so I got Taggy to come and help me.
24:51I've been in the pantry.
24:52Sarah's done most of it.
24:54You want to find out, Paulie?
24:56Come on, nobody's seen her.
24:58As long as there's absolutely no chance of Tony finding out.
25:01Absolutely none.
25:03I don't know.
25:04Come on, darling, why don't you go back in there and top up everyone's while.
25:08Could've been worse, you know?
25:09Could've been Rupert Campbell fuckface in this kitchen.
25:17I'm so sorry, but the Ruluigi cooked this one.
25:19It's really good.
25:21Oh.
25:22Yes.
25:22So I hear.
25:25Good luck in there.
25:27Come on.
25:27Out.
25:29Hey, what the hell are you playing at?
25:31What?
25:31There's no one in the whole party.
25:32Apparently you've got a secret.
25:33If I hear so much there's a whisper about-
25:35I haven't told anyone.
25:36I can't help it if you have.
25:37Sarah!
25:38What?
25:39Get in.
25:40Get in.
25:42Darling.
25:43Huh?
25:43I can't seem to get Tony on his own.
25:45Now I'm chatting up B.T. Johnson only.
25:48Oh, sorry I may have done too much, I may have made her think that I'm up for a clinch
25:50in the cloak.
25:50Oh, no, I'm still looking for the whiskey.
25:52Oh, God.
25:53Just hide me!
25:53Hide me!
25:54Hide me!
25:54Hide me!
25:54Hide me!
25:59Wine pantry?
26:00Aren't we posh?
26:07Tony...
26:08Paul...
26:10So listen, while I've got you, um, I wonder if you might see fit to get me on the Cosworth
26:15round-up sofa this week.
26:16one final push before the election, you know?
26:19Win it for the blues.
26:21No, yes, no.
26:24I'm sure we're going to do that.
26:25I'm sure we're going to make that happen.
26:27Wavreless.
26:27Thank you so much.
26:30Um, after.
26:35Ah!
26:36Oh!
26:37There you are.
26:38And you found Tony.
26:39Good.
26:40Good.
26:41Um, darling,
26:42Peter wants a scotch.
26:43So would you take that in for me?
26:44My join room one, actually.
26:46Tony.
26:50I'm seeing the Harley Street Doctor next week, right?
26:52So what's all this about secrets?
26:57I didn't cook this.
26:58Right?
27:00It's not about the baby.
27:01Listen to me.
27:02You get yourself unpregnated as quickly as possible
27:04or no more dinner parties.
27:06Huh?
27:06No more uncensored.
27:08You got it?
27:09You are off the show until you sort yourself out.
27:36Don't.
27:37Don't.
27:38Don't.
27:39Don't.
27:39Don't.
27:40Don't.
27:40Beef dough.
27:47Sorry about that, everybody.
27:48That's beef dough.
27:56Oh, I do love it.
27:58But Taggy O'Hara cooked the whole thing,
28:01and Sarah had her hiding in the kitchen all night.
28:03No, you're joking.
28:05Oh, there's Gerald!
28:06Don't forget to vote tomorrow. Rupert Campbell Black.
28:09Derry?
28:10Hello.
28:12Beautiful day, Forrest.
28:15Georgie, girl, I want you a beauty.
28:19Does Tony know you're fraternising with the enemy, Monica?
28:21Oh, we've all known each other far too long for any of that silliness.
28:24You, me and Hermione were spiking the punch at the Junior Hunt board
28:27before any of us even knew what a television franchise was.
28:31Muffy, your godmother was quite the firecracker, you know.
28:35Derry, darling, do you want some help?
28:37Mummy, will you take David back?
28:39Of course.
28:39Can you have fun?
28:40Cheerio.
28:41Come on, David.
28:42Yes, give me some of those.
28:43Lovely to see her so happy.
28:44Do you know, I really never thought she'd find anyone.
28:47Rupert Campbell Black?
28:49Quite something, isn't she your muffy?
28:51She's a trooper.
28:53Must say there's something of a surprise, Polo.
28:56Yes, sorry.
28:59You were away when it all happened.
29:00I mean, I didn't know you liked...
29:05Dogs and horses?
29:07Yes, exactly.
29:08Well, you know what it's like when you find your person.
29:11Suddenly everything about you makes sense.
29:16So you have to screw the corners down really tight.
29:18No.
29:20No.
29:22Then you have to leave it for several weeks.
29:24Weeks.
29:24Teachers are patients, don't they?
29:26Done it with my brownies a few times.
29:28They love it.
29:29Do you go to brownies, Tab?
29:30You only go to brownies if you haven't got a pony.
29:34We can use them to decorate cards once they're pressed like these ones I made.
29:38What's Taggy short for?
29:39Agatha.
29:40Isn't that awful?
29:41Tabitha's so much nicer.
29:42I don't like it if people call me Tabby at school. Sounds like a cat.
29:46Well, my parents call me Tag, or it sounds a lot like Tab.
29:49If Mark has shouted Tab, we both go charging into the room and bump into each other in the doorway.
29:56If you come to Warwickshire, you can see Biscuit, my new pony.
29:59Oh, I'd love that.
30:00Tab!
30:01Here we are!
30:04Daddy, could Taggy come back to Warwickshire with us tonight and see Biscuit?
30:07See Biscuit? That's another one's entirely.
30:09Please, Daddy.
30:10She can come and get burgers with us on the way.
30:12Oh, I said I'd give Mrs M a left time, so...
30:14By a walk.
30:15It's not far.
30:16You go see the pony.
30:19Lunch?
30:23Yes!
30:23Yes!
30:24I can't wait for you to eat Biscuit!
30:26Come on!
30:27Okay, okay, okay.
30:28What Tabitha says, go.
30:30Last one to the car is a filthy rascal!
30:32Go, go, go, go, go!
30:43Table 11.
30:43Table 11 are ready for drinks, don't they?
30:51Oh, no!
30:52A little quick check on 12.
30:53Good.
30:54Yep.
30:56Broad of the house down.
30:59Everything good, Mr Campbell Black?
31:01Perfect.
31:01I'll have another, please.
31:03I can.
31:03And the pudding menu.
31:04Coming up.
31:06You can have pudding if Cameron's not here.
31:08Horrid Cameron thinks fruit salad is a pudding.
31:10Yuck!
31:10Oh, Cameron's not horrid.
31:12You know, when I first met her, I did think she was a bit scary.
31:15Even Daddy probably thought she was a bit scary.
31:18I was terrified.
31:20If Cameron and Dad got married, she'd be our stepmother.
31:23I'm not calling her mother.
31:24You don't have to.
31:26Malise doesn't make you call him Dad, does he?
31:29You're so lucky, all these extra grown-ups you've got.
31:32Are you one of our grown-ups?
31:33I could be your grown-up friend if you like.
31:43Delicious, as ever, Basil.
31:45You got the wine or the girl?
31:47You bet.
31:49And this is for you.
31:54It was!
31:55It was!
31:57I didn't realise you'd lifted the ban on super-villains.
32:00Closest place to Carinium for an off-campus cabal.
32:03Don't worry, I charge him double.
32:05Been discussing all the programme ideas. You've pinched.
32:07Not pinching, I don't think. We have everything we need.
32:10Just spending time with the family, same as you.
32:12Oh, I'm not going to congratulate you.
32:14I had no idea you had three such beautiful children.
32:19Do have a good evening, won't you?
32:38Mr Stratton, welcome back to Carinium. Good to see you.
32:42And can I just say, I'll definitely be voting for you tomorrow.
32:45Thank you, Doreen.
32:46That's very kind. Thank you, Doreen.
32:48D'Artrain.
32:49Of course, the weather forecast looks perfect for a stroll into town tomorrow.
32:53But don't forget to vote on the way to the ice cream van.
32:56And can I just say, from all of us here, and of course, we would say this to candidates
33:00from all the parties, that we wish you the very best of luck winning Conchester.
33:04Well, of course, I'm hoping to continue to serve the fine people of Conchester.
33:08But frankly, I'm already the luckiest man alive.
33:11And in fact, Sarah and I expect to be rather busy in the coming months.
33:14Oh, well, wonderful.
33:15And as I...
33:15Because we're having a baby.
33:24I'm sorry, what?
33:28We couldn't be happier, actually.
33:30Of course, things have changed since I first became a father.
33:32I gather men change nappies now.
33:36Well, and how wonderful to hear it here first on Cotswold Roundup.
33:41Now, after the break, pie, cottage, shepherds, or just humble.
33:46Christ!
33:47Oh, how the bloody hell did he find out?
33:49I didn't tell him, I swear.
33:51So we don't know who it was, but we don't know what else they know.
33:56Oh, my God.
33:57I'm going to have to go through with it now.
34:04People have babies every day, you'll work it out.
34:08Go home and celebrate with your husband.
34:16It's uncensored tonight.
34:17Please let me do the show.
34:19Please let me be brilliant and make it up to you.
34:21You're in no state.
34:21BT will do without you as plan.
34:23But...
34:23We're not changing the show now.
34:25I told you you're off the show until you sort your little problem out.
34:28To my eyes, the problem has.
34:30If anything, it suddenly got rather bigger, hasn't it?
34:33Go on.
34:44We're going to do it tonight. Just as planned.
34:47Oh, yes.
34:48All guns blazing.
34:51Chin Chin.
34:58How did you find out?
34:59I saw Winifred pregnant a number of times, remember?
35:02I know the signs.
35:05So...
35:06Were you planning on telling me at any point over the next six months,
35:08or were you just going to...
35:10pop out shopping Monday and come out with the baby?
35:13How could you expose me like that?
35:15On live television?
35:17Announcing it like it was part of your election campaign?
35:20I announced it.
35:21Because I think you might be under some pressure to get rid of it.
35:27I don't want you to.
35:30I heard Tony talking to you about a termination.
35:36Don't I get a say?
35:41It's my child, too.
35:49So selfish.
35:50I'm selfish.
35:51You were the one considering getting rid of it for all the sake of your career.
35:54At least my career's going well.
35:55Do you know?
35:56A lot of women would be glad to have a baby with a father who's already been through it.
35:59Oh, yeah.
36:00I'm sure you were really invaluable.
36:02Did you trap Winifred?
36:04Like you've trapped me?
36:06Unlike you, she wasn't constantly on the lookout for an escape.
36:09Well, I bet she's glad she got one in the end.
36:11If you disgusted her even half as much as you disgust me.
36:15God.
36:16Do you know, I'm done.
36:17I'm done!
36:20I hope you lose your seat to the monster raving loonies.
36:26Mama!
36:31Hey, sweetheart.
36:33Hey, Tab.
36:33Did you have a good time?
36:34Yes, we really did.
36:36Hi.
36:36Hi.
36:36Mummy, this is Peggy.
36:37Yes.
36:38We've met before.
36:39She's a babysitter and she is brilliant.
36:41I'm taking her to meet Biscuit.
36:43Come on!
36:43Oh!
36:44Mark, is he coming?
36:47Babysitter.
36:48He's Declan O'Hara's daughter.
36:50There was a woman here this morning with a film crew.
36:53Carinium.
36:54Did you speak to them?
36:55No, of course not.
36:56I told her to get the hell off of my driveway.
36:58You should know there's some people sniffing around.
37:00It's the election, probably.
37:05How is Venice?
37:06Oh, cultural heaven.
37:08You want to see the photos?
37:10No, thank you.
37:17Oh, he's lovely, isn't he?
37:19He'll say hello for a polo.
37:21Look.
37:21Do you want a polo biscuit?
37:25I think that's a yes.
37:27Here it goes.
37:28Oh, biscuit!
37:30Now, say hello to Taggy.
37:37Your children are very beautiful.
37:39Not surprising, I suppose, but such a beautiful mother.
37:42Is it agony when you see her now?
37:44Oh, agony.
37:44She bores her fucking tits on her.
37:46I can't think how I stayed married to her for seven years.
37:48How well he's put up with it, I don't know.
37:49Well, he's much older, isn't he?
37:50Yeah.
37:51When he talks about the war, he means the Crimean.
37:55What?
37:56How did you meet him?
37:58He was my chef to keep.
37:59Oh, a chef, like me.
38:02No, um...
38:02Why?
38:03Chef as in Bach's French.
38:04He ran the British showtopic team.
38:06Oh.
38:07I suppose he was my mentor, my Mr. Miyagi.
38:12Must have been hard to lose him, Tyler.
38:15The only thing that really irks me is that
38:19Malise succeeded where I failed.
38:25I can't honestly say that I've ever made any woman happy.
38:29Not for very long.
38:36Um, yeah, I'll babysit any time you like.
38:39I mean, I don't want to tread on Cameron's toes.
38:41Oh, God, I wish Cameron could handle the kids as well as you do.
38:45You're gonna make an incredible mother one day.
38:50I wish...
38:59You're lovely with them.
39:02Seen a different side of you today.
39:21It's been a lovely day.
39:23One of those days you don't want the sun to go down.
39:28You know, by the time Helen left me, I could hardly better look at her.
39:33Nothing she had done.
39:35Just cause of the hurt I could see in her eyes.
39:46I must never do it again.
39:52You mean it, Tag. I mustn't. I won't break you too.
40:07I did it. I left him. I left Paul.
40:10Oh, Jesus. Um...
40:14I should go.
40:14Thanks for today. I'll call.
40:17I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I didn't know where else to go.
40:20I don't really have any friends.
40:32I love a cheese sandwich. Thanks, Shelley.
40:37Is that chutney?
40:39No, it's jam.
40:41We're back.
40:43Surprise.
40:43Hello, guys.
40:45You're not back till tomorrow?
40:46We raced home to tell you the news.
40:47You tell them.
40:48No, you.
40:49The BBC called me at the hotel in Ireland.
40:52They've greenlit Yates.
40:54That's amazing.
40:55Thank Christ.
40:57So now I can cut the tags off my Ventura T-shirt?
40:59You can.
41:03But, oh my God, they want it delivered in three months.
41:06We got an early flight back because there's so much to do.
41:08Let's get to work.
41:12Why was Taggy O'Hara here?
41:14Babysitting.
41:15I was worried when I found you with her in my pantry.
41:17She's far too young.
41:20What does age even mean?
41:23It's just a number.
41:24Yeah, it's just a number now.
41:25Imagine what it'd be like in a few years.
41:26It'd be like me and Paul.
41:27Oh, God.
41:28Sarah.
41:31Why are you here?
41:33Uncensored's going out tonight without me.
41:36BT's presenting it solo and I think she's going to stitch me up.
41:40I think she knows something about me.
41:45And now everything's going to be ruined.
41:48She's going to crucify me live on national television.
41:51I think that's enough.
41:52Get off.
42:07I feel busy.
42:13I don't know.
42:21I'm ready for brewing tonight.
42:22I'm ready for午餓s now.
42:23I feel really good.
42:25I feel really good with it.
42:29Five, four, three, two, one.
42:36And cue Beatty.
42:38Good evening, and welcome to Uncensored, the naughtiest show on the network.
42:43The Beatty-eyed among you might have noticed I'm by myself this evening.
42:46Sarah's getting some rest.
42:47Due to the pregnancy announced this afternoon on Carinium,
42:50on tonight's very special edition,
42:52we uncover the scandal behind the polished facade of a national treasure.
42:55Here we go.
42:57Whatever she says about you, we'll work it out.
42:59Good.
43:00Minister for Sport, Rupert Campbell Black.
43:06You might want to fasten your seatbelts for this.
43:09It's going to be quite a ride.
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