- 2 days ago
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Short filmTranscript
00:01What else?
00:02This is impossible!
00:03No, nothing is impossible!
00:06Now, come on, keep guessing.
00:08All the vowels are in the dump.
00:09Word has two X's and no vowels.
00:11The Grimes have another kid?
00:12Uh-oh.
00:13Even Principal Coleman is stumped.
00:15All right, let's get those guesses in, you guys.
00:17Nah, I got this.
00:17R! Nope.
00:21So I picked a word, but then a student sneezed on another student.
00:25By the time we cleaned that up, I'd forgotten the word.
00:27So I'm just stalling.
00:28But we've only got about 10 minutes to lunch, so we should be fine.
00:32Q!
00:33Nope.
00:34L!
00:35No!
00:36T!
00:3711!
00:38Star!
00:39Semicolon!
00:39Semicolon or colon?
00:41Semicolon.
00:41No.
01:06I'll be right back.
01:11Let's go.
01:11destination of eastern PA where teachers come together to swap ideas and knowledge that will
01:16help them grow into the greatest educators of all time? Uh, yeah, that Allentown. Oh, I hear the
01:22keynote speech is going to be about individualized educational plans. Can you stand it? The only
01:27keynote I plan on listening to is the sweet, sweet-um of the indoor pool filter. Yeah, I'll know I
01:33nail this conference if it takes me a week to get the chlorine smell out of my hair. Hold up,
01:38absolute gasp. Yeah, you guys aren't going to the keynote speech? Don't you two ever get tired of
01:43being surprised by people's opposing interests? Yeah, this conference is for rookie teachers.
01:49We've been going since you guys had to ask permission to cross the street. Joke's on you.
01:53I've been crossing the street by myself since I was three. Boo! Again, I'm sorry, and again I say this
02:02is the only weekend that Amber could get a center. You are going to be missing out on so much
02:06professional development, and not to mention continental breakfast. For what, huh? So that
02:10you can relax in a heart-shaped hot tub, watching the moon dance off of Amber's eyes as you whisper
02:15sweet everythings. Real fun, dude. Yeah, you're lost, bro. I'm taking Amber to the Poconos this weekend.
02:22Need to make up for that Lego Valentine's Day gift debacle. She was less than happy, and now Janine
02:27and Jacob are less than happy that I'm missing Pexa weekend. So what's cool is that no matter what I
02:31do,
02:32no one's happy. Hey. Hey. The weekend couldn't get here fast enough. Work was a lot this week.
02:41Very excited for a breather. I can't wait to show you what I have planned. We have snowshoeing,
02:46a cold jewelry workshop, and tree ventures just to start. I thought we were going to be like
02:49relaxing in a hot tub. We are, after the firewood harvesting forum. Seems like you have a lot planned.
02:55What's the best way to relax? On a strict schedule. Okay. Oh boy. Okay. So I don't think we're on
03:00the
03:00same page. Again. Well, I'm on page nine. Where you at? Gregory, put the book away. It's not really
03:05a book, but okay. I don't want to do any of this. What do you want to do? Nothing. I
03:09want to do
03:09nothing. Okay. I hear you. I think I can schedule in some nothing time after the snow hike.
03:18We need to talk. Damn.
03:36Oh my God. They have e-writing books. Jacob, Jacob, Jacob. That's the weekend.
03:41Bye. It's finally happening.
03:44Sorry if we're jittery. We have been shotgunning kombuchas since Conshohocken.
03:47Yeah. Okay. Well, act like you've been here before.
03:49Because you have. Oh man. I wish I had a time turner because like Aerosmith,
03:53I don't want to miss a thing. Although I might need to miss this big party later.
03:56Oh, you're not missing Pexageddon. Who's going to watch our purses? The party is the one thing you
04:02don't want to miss. But I have to find time to see the living classroom, the one the Philadelphia
04:05flower show made. Cover me, Barb. Oh, all right. So it's this classroom and it's all made out of
04:10flowers. Janine, we are only here to show face so that people remember they saw us. Then we kick it
04:15into spa mode. And my spa mode's happening a la mode because I'm going to eat ice cream in a
04:20hot tub.
04:20Come on, let's go. Oh, this seminar sounds awesome. It's called White Teacher Black School.
04:25Uh, yeah, I'm good on that. I already did four years of black student, white school. Went to Penn,
04:30so. Okay, well, I will go to, uh, WTBS alone. I'm Melissa Chimenti of Abbott Elementary.
04:38I'm enjoying connecting with my peers, including this guy, Derek, from some other school in
04:45Philadelphia. And I, Barbara Howard, have already mentored seven young teachers.
04:51Huzzah! Let's go. Uh-huh.
04:55You're leaving already? Just like your ex-husband?
04:58Late, just like your period after senior prom?
05:02Enjoy your weekend.
05:03Yeah.
05:06Oh, hey.
05:07Good to see you again, Bilbo.
05:10Glad you made it out of the Shire.
05:15Ah! New Toad alert. This weekend couldn't get any better. It's like I'm at Disneyland,
05:21but there's no Wild Mr. Toad to avoid, and I had to bring my own churro. But, but, did you
05:25know you go to hell on that ride?
05:27And problem solver. So, say you have a problem teacher. For our discussion, let's call her
05:32Janina. These Janinas usually have bubbly personalities that cover up deep-seated mommy issues.
05:39Last name Eddie. E-D-D-I-E.
05:43Gregory. Hey. What are you doing here? What happened to your romantic polka-dos weekend getaway?
05:50Well, I decided this conference was too important to miss, so I'm here.
05:53Oh, uh. Well, not to poke up my nose in your business, but where's Amber?
05:57I really don't know.
06:00Do you, do you need, you want me to help you find her?
06:03No, no, no.
06:06She dumped me.
06:08Damn.
06:11Room 243. Enjoy your stay.
06:15I am so sorry about your breakup, but, but, hey, you're amongst friends, um, so let's do some
06:22lectures, right, to keep your mind occupied. Now, you've already missed individualized
06:26education plans, but I can catch you up between brain-teaser lunch and designing a better curriculum.
06:30And I don't want to fly too close to the sun here, but if we hustle, we can make it
06:34to the
06:35creativity seminar. Although, we'd have to be creative about it, you know, so, hey-oh.
06:39It's a joke. Unless that sounds like too much, which...
06:43No, this is great. It'll be good to be busy.
06:45Yeah, exactly. Your favorite way to decompress.
06:48Yeah.
06:48Okay.
06:51That's amazing.
06:52Yeah.
06:53Your questions were honestly so insightful.
06:56Okay, but your follow-ups? Talk about piggybacking in the right way.
07:00And that speaker. Just incredible.
07:03Yeah. Have you listened to her podcast, White Tears, White Noise, How Uganda Saved White Me?
07:06Uh, no.
07:08Oh, you gotta check it out. There's only one season, 40 eps, no guests.
07:11I'm literally gonna check that out immediately.
07:13I'm Jacob, by the way. Your Ally McBeal story broke me.
07:17Thank you. I'm Summer, and I'm literally obsessed with your tip-to-tail.
07:21Hey, Shot in the Dark, do you know the game Werewolf?
07:25Yes. What? I love Werewolf. My theater troupe called me Stepin' Werewolf.
07:29Okay, you should come to our shindig tonight.
07:31Well, you're not going to Pex again?
07:32That party gets a little loud. The young teachers from Maddington are gonna have our own instead.
07:36Oh, you work at Addington?
07:38Mm-hmm.
07:38Oh. Well, thank you for the vite, but I'm supposed to hang with my Abbott peeps.
07:42We also brought Cards Against Humanity.
07:44Do you have any expansion packs?
07:46Does the farmer's market have fresh bread? You bet we do.
07:5045 minutes till the party. 46 minutes till I am the party.
07:55Just enough time to shower and raid the minibar.
07:59Long live Pex a weekend.
08:01Yeah.
08:02This is how we do it.
08:06This is how we do it.
08:09Wow, Melissa and Barbara, right? Pex again is lit.
08:16Everything okay?
08:17Yeah, just thinking about how it could be tree venturing and a sugar maple right now.
08:20Oh, that sounds fun.
08:23But this is also fun and not sad, so.
08:27Hey.
08:28Oh, Ava.
08:28Hey, Ava.
08:30Where you think you're going, Janet Waxon?
08:32This rope is velvet.
08:33What you think?
08:34Because you got new little boots on, you can come in here?
08:36Okay.
08:37I just thought that...
08:38Read the sign.
08:39VIP.
08:39Very important people who are principals only.
08:42Limited exceptions.
08:43Gregory, you may answer.
08:44Why didn't you just say very important principals?
08:47That's actually a good idea.
08:47I'm glad I thought of it.
08:48Gregory?
08:49I'm going to go get a gin and phonics.
08:51You want one?
08:51Yes, I'm going to get a deck of reeds.
08:54I'll take a carapha sex ed on the beach.
08:56Thanks, Gregory.
08:59Nothing and nothing.
09:02There's our people.
09:03Oh, how about we just go get some lounge chairs from the pool area and bring them in here?
09:08No.
09:09Maybe two people getting up here at all?
09:11No.
09:11Hey, getting up?
09:12Nope.
09:12Hey, ladies, you looking for a seat?
09:14There's two open over here.
09:15Oh, what about...
09:16Oh, they've long gone.
09:17You know, floating in a pool of lectures all day long can really take it out of you.
09:25Oh, I'll bet.
09:25What school's he with?
09:26Who's asking?
09:28We both teach at Abbott Elementary.
09:30How about you?
09:31I'm here as a vendor.
09:32I own Nichols School Supplies.
09:36You're Dawn Nichols.
09:37All day, every day.
09:39Dawn Nichols is the end-all, be-all in the school supply game.
09:44And in with her could be the dawn of a new day at Abbott.
09:49I've had two plus one math-a-readers.
09:53I don't know what you put in those erasers, but they are practically white-out.
09:57Family secret.
09:58And your craft glue's so strong, you'd swear it was mostly horse parts.
10:02I got our drinks.
10:06Well, well, well.
10:08This table's taken.
10:10Yeah, but it's taken, Barb.
10:16I really thought the rules of science are meant to be followed.
10:19Lecture would have cheered you up.
10:20Definitely helped.
10:22Yeah?
10:22You still thinking about the breakup?
10:24Well, it did happen yesterday.
10:25Yeah.
10:26But to be completely honest with you, it's not even that.
10:29Oh.
10:30Why am I always the one who gets dumped, you know?
10:33Like, based on the evidence, it's got to be me, right?
10:35Mm-mm.
10:36It is not you.
10:37It's dating.
10:38The only silver lining to dating is you only have to be right about someone once.
10:43That kind of makes it feel not as bad.
10:46That's a good perspective.
10:48I'm both smart and wise.
10:50It's wild.
10:54Me and Amber were super different, anyway.
10:57Yeah.
10:57Like, too different.
10:58Yeah.
10:58I always felt like a weirdo around her.
11:00You are a weirdo.
11:02That's an upsetting turn.
11:04No, I mean that in a good way.
11:06I think that everyone deserves to be with someone who likes them exactly as is.
11:11Especially you.
11:13Seriously.
11:14Look at that sweater right now.
11:17Look at that mustache.
11:19Not many people could do that.
11:21Don't sleep on Janine, either.
11:22Hell yeah.
11:23Heck yes.
11:24Hell yeah.
11:26Oh, wait.
11:29At the end of the day, we are still playing werewolf in America with its injustice system.
11:36And while I don't believe in the death penalty IRL, in our fictional village, Miss Tina Schwartz is a werewolf
11:44and she must die.
11:45Nuh-uh.
11:46That Jacob's not a smart detective.
11:49But he's won like three rounds already and I don't know how I keep losing.
11:54Well, at the risk of sounding cocky, I dare say I am better than I was in my Oberlin days.
11:58What?
11:59You went to Oberlin too?
12:00How did we not know each other?
12:01Well, I did make a concerted effort to build relationships with people from different cultural backgrounds.
12:07Let's learn it.
12:12Oh, it's so original.
12:14He likes it.
12:16Oh, wait.
12:16Oh, goody.
12:17Another silly one.
12:18What do you have?
12:19Yeah, just more of that.
12:20Oh!
12:22Oh, no.
12:23Oh, I miss the living classroom.
12:25Living classroom?
12:26Yes, the Philadelphia Flower Show.
12:28They made a full classroom out of flowers.
12:31Oh, that sounds amazing.
12:32I know, but never know now.
12:35Oh, man, I really wanted to see that.
12:36What's going on?
12:37No, it's definitely closed.
12:39Awesome.
12:40Says who?
12:41No one's ever done that.
12:42Says the hours on the pool.
12:45Incredible.
12:46You're being mischievous.
12:47Yeah, you see it.
12:48Yeah, yeah.
12:49Yeah, yeah, yeah.
12:50Yeah, yeah, yeah.
12:51Yeah, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, yeah.
12:54I say we do one more lap.
12:56I really wasn't paying attention last time because I was too distracted by how much my feet hurt.
13:00I have consulted with my fibula and she is not doing another lap and it is time for you to
13:05settle things with your sister.
13:08Excuse us, ladies.
13:09Do you mind if we rejoin you?
13:11Oh, we'd love for you to join us.
13:13Just as soon as Melissa admits she makes a terrible bichon.
13:16Are you kidding me?
13:17I've seen you put regular bacon in your carbonara, you gagoods.
13:21It was a delicious American fusion dish.
13:24That's a lot of confidence for someone wearing last year's espadrilles.
13:28Hey, watch where you're going, clearance section.
13:31Excuse me?
13:32Oh, could you not hear me over your loud ass outfit?
13:34Whoa!
13:35You're throwing stones with those extensions?
13:38You look like you get your hair done at the mall.
13:39In the parking lot.
13:40You show your hairdresser a picture of Beetlejuice and go, do that.
13:44Yeah, how many black eyes does Beetlejuice have again?
13:46Was it one or two?
13:47I forget.
13:47Let's say two.
13:48Let's say two.
13:51We still got it.
13:53Yeah, we do.
13:54So, what about your crayon selection?
13:58Oh, good call on checking the doorknob.
14:00I don't know why your first instinct was to kick the door in.
14:07Oh, my goodness.
14:10Oh, my goodness.
14:13This is even better than I imagined.
14:16Oh, my God, look at this.
14:18The backpacks are little terrariums.
14:20Yeah, I'm seeing it.
14:22How do they do that?
14:23I don't know.
14:25That's so cool.
14:26I don't want to sound cheesy or whatever, but this, it shows, like, exactly how I feel about teaching.
14:33With the growth and everything.
14:34It's just, it's corny, but...
14:39Yeah, I get it.
14:41Plants and teaching.
14:44It's like how I grew up and who I am now.
14:53Yeah.
15:08Oh, my goodness.
15:09You have to come smell this one.
15:10It smells like a perfume or something.
15:11Yeah.
15:15Oh, I hear something.
15:17Wake it down.
15:18Wake it down.
15:22Oh, my goodness.
15:23I really should smell this one.
15:24It smells so good.
16:02Oh, no.
16:05That, that, that, the kiss?
16:07That, that was a whoops.
16:09Who can really say what things are or what they aren't, you know, at the end of the day?
16:14We got caught up in the moment.
16:15That's what she said about it?
16:17Just two friends getting caught up in the moment?
16:19Good.
16:19Because that's precisely what it was.
16:21Just two friends getting caught up in the moment.
16:25It's okay.
16:27It's okay.
16:28Like, when I hang up with my internet provider after they finish helping me reset my internet
16:32and I say, okay, I love you, bye.
16:34Do I really love my internet provider?
16:36No.
16:37Because their network's unreliable.
16:39And I'm dating Maurice, so.
16:43Five seconds.
16:47Five seconds.
16:48Kamala Harris.
16:49How did you get that so fast?
16:52She's an AKA, Alpha Kappa Alpha.
16:54Should you maybe come teach with us at Addington like yesterday?
16:57Look, I have had a blasty blast, but I'm an Abbott boy.
17:01But imagine teaching at a school with the brightest kids from the neighborhood.
17:04And a bunch of other neighborhoods, too.
17:06The cream of the crop from all over the city, they come to us.
17:09Wait, but there can't be room for all of the neighborhood kids at Addington if you're accepting people from other
17:13places.
17:14Well, we're all about focusing on the kids who have the best chance of making it out.
17:17Out?
17:17Out of what?
17:19And into whom?
17:20I don't know.
17:21But someone hold my legs.
17:22So I'm about to do a box-one kickstand.
17:24Seems dangerous.
17:25It's only dangerous if you drop me.
17:29Oh.
17:33Last night, as the kids would say, was a film.
17:38I don't know what that means.
17:40That sounds like an accurate description.
17:42Well, I don't remember much anything after someone challenged me to a Mathurita chugging competition undefeated, Derek!
17:53Can't forget the best part of the night, though.
17:55Oh, making up with your sister?
17:57Hell no.
17:58When you got the in with Dawn Nichols.
18:00May our glue sticks never run dry.
18:03Amen!
18:04Hallelujah.
18:07What?
18:10I forgot to put my shoes on.
18:11Where are my shoes?
18:13Where are my shoes?
18:15I'm going to put the key in my back, I think.
18:16Janine!
18:18Hey!
18:19Where have you been?
18:20Missed you at the party last night.
18:22That's a long story.
18:23Let's just say I played some games with some people from Addington, and it turns out I don't know if
18:28I like them.
18:28Huh.
18:29I guess that's the whole story.
18:31How was your night?
18:32Um, you know what?
18:33Let's just get in the car.
18:34Hope you enjoyed your stay.
18:36We itemized your charges over the weekend for your review.
18:39Everything will look correct for you, Miss Teagues.
18:43Gee golly, it sure does.
18:51Act natural.
18:52Why are you dressed like Inspector Gadget?
18:54I am not.
18:55If anything, I'm Carmen Sandiego, and like her, I am not here.
18:59I heard some stuff at the conference this weekend.
19:01I didn't take that comforter.
19:02It fell into my bag.
19:03No.
19:04Draymond Winding, legendary charter jabroni, is coming for Abbott.
19:09Who told you this?
19:10Specs a weekend, people talk.
19:13He said I'm turning these guys charter.
19:15Psh.
19:15I've been looking for a good fight ever since my exterminator died.
19:18I'm ready.
19:19Yeah, you better be.
19:20If Abbott goes charter, none of your jobs are safe.
19:25Nobody could know I was here.
19:27Hey, Kristen Marie Scheminty?
19:29Hey, what's up?
19:32You know, I never realized how beautiful your name was.
19:34Kristen Marie Scheminty.
19:35Kristen Marie Scheminty.
19:41She's great.
19:43Hi, Kristen.
19:45Kristen.
19:51Hey.
19:52You going that way?
19:53Yeah.
19:53Okay.
19:58So moving forward.
19:59This is my favorite direction.
20:00All right.
20:01We're good, right?
20:03Like, whatever happened, that was a nothing thing.
20:06Yeah, it's best to just throw it out.
20:07That's what I was going to say.
20:08Just throw it out.
20:08Yeah.
20:09Yep.
20:10I blame the Philly Flower Show, really.
20:11And the drinks.
20:12And Allentown.
20:13Sexy place.
20:15Back to the weekend, crazy.
20:16Right?
20:18It's all right.
20:19So, um, we're just throwing it out.
20:21Throw it out.
20:23Nothing but that.
20:25All right.
20:32Yeah, we'll just throw it out.
20:35It was nothing.
20:39So this weekend was juicy.
20:42That's right.
20:42I got the tea and the cup.
20:43Mm-hmm.
20:44So I heard about a very interesting hookup this weekend involving someone in this very room.
20:49Someone that's a man involving a woman, teacher.
20:54I heard someone made out.
20:58With Ms. Swartz, Jacob, time to step up.
21:01Wildly inaccurate.
21:02And I feel compelled to remind you that I am gay.
21:05That is bisexual erasure.
21:06I expected better from you.
21:07And my intel specifically stated that she made out with some pasty white nerd.
21:11If not you, then who?
21:14Okay, bye.
21:19Pexa, pexa, pexa, pexa.
21:22Gets me every time.
21:24Delicious.
21:25And a large popcorn.
21:26Thank you, boys.
21:26Thank you, boys.
21:27Thank you, boys.
21:27Thank you, boys.
21:27Thank you, boys.
21:28Thank you, boys.
21:28Thank you, boys.
21:29Thank you, boys.
21:31Thank you, boys.
21:32Thank you, boys.
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