- 2 days ago
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:01And it's been almost a year, okay?
00:03It is beyond time that they reboot Spider-Man again.
00:05Yeah, you're right. I love it.
00:07But who can replace Tom Holland?
00:08I'll tell you who.
00:09That little magical cutie, that Harry Potter.
00:11Daniel Radcliffe?
00:12Yeah.
00:13He's already in a franchise.
00:14You can't just swing from franchise to franchise.
00:16Then why do I have to see Chris Pratt everywhere?
00:18That's okay.
00:18Now I want a thick Spider-Man, like 50 Cent.
00:21Should be black anyway, his costume got a built-in do-rag.
00:23Well, if they do go with a black actor,
00:25I hope they go with that Mr. Brian Austin Green.
00:29I'm so proud of that young man and all of his success.
00:34So there are a bunch of white celebrities who Barbara thinks are black.
00:39Like Brian Austin Green would be Brian Tyree Henry.
00:42Oh, I see you little Carrie Underwood.
00:45Good morning.
00:46Carrie Washington.
00:47I'm going straight home.
00:48Put on a little Millie Bobby Brown.
00:51Bobby Brown.
00:52No one's done more for black actors than Tommy Lee Jones.
00:56James Earl Jones.
00:57And we just let her keep thinking that it's easier.
01:01And if they go with a woman, you cannot go wrong with the splendid, the wonderful Michelle Williams.
01:09Mm, mm, mm.
01:10Now that is one talented diva.
01:13Mm.
01:14Yes.
01:15Mm-hmm.
01:15She is arguably the third best child of destiny.
01:18And all the way to the Academy Awards from Dawson's Creek.
01:22Oh, yes, Michelle.
01:25Mm.
01:25So close.
01:26Mm-hmm.
01:30Mm-hmm.
01:32Mm-hmm.
01:34Mm-hmm.
01:36Mm-hmm.
01:37Mm-hmm.
01:38Mm-hmm.
01:38Mm-hmm.
01:38Mm-hmm.
01:38Mm-hmm.
01:39Mm-hmm.
01:39Mm-hmm.
01:39Summer's supposed to be over.
01:41Are we sure this AC is on?
01:42Oh, it is on, but that thing is older than Mr. Johnson.
01:45Yeah, and they both have emphysema.
01:47This is last year's calendar.
01:48No.
01:50And that is why we had that up there.
01:52Yeah, now put it back.
01:53It's a load-bearing calendar.
01:55Maybe we can use some of the grant money to fix that.
01:57We already decided that we were gonna use that money for cleaning supplies.
02:00This school is just filthy.
02:02Are my ears burning?
02:04Mm.
02:06You know what?
02:08I respect Barbara and her little daughter Taylor too much to hit on you publicly.
02:11Nice arms, though.
02:17Me and Taylor.
02:18Oh, um, it's fine.
02:20It's okay.
02:22It's a bit of an awkward situation.
02:24You're not saying don't, you know, where you eat.
02:28They should also say don't do that what her mother eats.
02:31Okay, which one of y'all ordered this big stack of social studies books?
02:34Oh.
02:35Oh, my goodness, they're only a few years old.
02:37Oh, my God, they have Brexit.
02:39And the Flint water crisis.
02:40And Hamilton.
02:41These aren't for Abbott Elementary.
02:43They're for Addington Elementary.
02:45Oh, the school down the street?
02:47New books.
02:48One of the perks of turning into a charter school.
02:51They went charter and went up.
02:52From 2012 Chloe K. to 2022 Chloe K.
02:54Like that.
02:55Unrecognizable.
02:56I heard they got a lot of good stuff over there.
02:59Well, that building was made by the same World War II architect as this one,
03:02so it can't be that great.
03:03Why don't we walk over there and find out for ourselves during lunch?
03:07Need to get my steps in, and it's closer to the cheesesteak spot.
03:11Another perk.
03:12Only like a lot closer, but yeah.
03:14Let's do it.
03:16Well, y'all have fun.
03:17I'll be here at work.
03:18Working.
03:20What?
03:21My followers aren't gonna influence themselves.
03:25Oh, do y'all feel that?
03:27That is some good A.C.
03:29They got a young Mr. Johnson.
03:31What?
03:32What are these walls?
03:33The paint's not chipped.
03:35And they have color.
03:36Do you smell that?
03:37I don't smell anything.
03:39Exactly.
03:41You know what?
03:41No.
03:42Guys, it's not that great here.
03:43I mean, look, the ceilings are smooth.
03:45Isn't that what floors are for?
03:47Because they don't have asbestos.
03:49Ah, they cheaped out on asbestos.
03:52Look, Janine, this school's just better.
03:54All right?
03:54You don't have to lie about it.
03:55The cops ain't asking.
03:57Hey!
03:58Tina!
03:59Harley, what?
04:01That's Ms. Schwartz, the teacher you replaced.
04:03The one who kicked this dude?
04:04Oh, I don't do that anymore.
04:06Because of therapy and anger management.
04:08Also, at a charter school, there's a lot less oversight in the hiring process, so it's been pretty sweet.
04:13Well, sweetheart, it's good to see you, and the school is wonderful.
04:16Yeah.
04:17Are those my books?
04:18Oh, yeah.
04:19Ugh, I've been kicking myself for losing them.
04:23Something funny?
04:26Nope.
04:27You guys want a little tour?
04:28Yes.
04:28Okay.
04:29So, this is the language lab.
04:33The kids are currently learning French.
04:34Bonjour.
04:35Bonjour.
04:37Aww.
04:39Yeah.
04:39Over there are our restrooms, which are awesome, because the baños don't attack you here.
04:45Oh, I fixed that toilet.
04:47Okay.
04:47Uh, the music teacher comes twice a week.
04:50Abbots comes twice a week as well.
04:52Just lying.
04:54And this little diddly is our computer lab.
04:57You know, the kids love it, and it's improved reading scores just across the board.
05:02Is that Mavis Beacon?
05:03Yeah, this place is the best.
05:05We did have a little mice problem, but we called people to humanely get rid of them.
05:09So, instead of chasing them with sticks.
05:12Yeah.
05:13That's so great.
05:14It really is great.
05:15It's so great here.
05:16It's really great at Abbott, too.
05:17Oh, hey, Kia, you go-goats.
05:20Keep them moving.
05:26Okay, come on.
05:27Let's get out here.
05:28Come on.
05:29Melissa, that's-that's like your charter school doppelganger.
05:32I said let's go.
05:34Um.
05:34Open your ears.
05:36Listen with your minds.
05:37Assuming everybody here has seen Pocahontas.
05:40The original Avatar.
05:43Really?
05:44Oh, class.
05:45This is Mr. Eddie.
05:46This is the guy I was telling you about.
05:48What have you been telling them?
05:50Never mind.
05:51Can I talk to you for a minute?
05:53Okay.
05:53Everyone, give a couple besties a moment to, uh, flap the gums.
05:57Whoa!
05:58You look hot.
06:01Warm.
06:01You're sweating.
06:02Yeah, my classroom is sweltering, and I can't remember the way Barbara showed us how to open up the windows.
06:06How do you do that again?
06:08Oh, well, I'm flattered you thought to ask me first, but that's definitely more of a Barbara question.
06:12That's what Janine said.
06:13Oh, so I wasn't first.
06:14You know, it is fine.
06:16Sweating is good for the students.
06:17It stimulates the brain.
06:19Wait, wait, why aren't you just asking Barbara?
06:20Is there something else going on?
06:22Don't worry about it.
06:22Okay, but I will worry about it, you know, and every time I see you, I'll be thinking about it
06:26and want to talk about it.
06:27Okay, fine.
06:27Look, I'm avoiding Barbara right now because things with Taylor aren't going great.
06:33Okay?
06:33We're not meshing.
06:34And I'll talk to Barbara eventually.
06:35I just have to figure out a plan for this whole Taylor situation.
06:37Girl problems, young blood.
06:39I cannot relate.
06:41I have to go.
06:46Oh, I didn't know jazz band was a color.
06:49Abbott is my home, and I take pride in it.
06:51So, I've decided to brighten up the place myself.
06:54And it'll be as good as anywhere else.
06:58Addington who?
07:00Miss Teagues is pleased.
07:02Yeah.
07:03Yeah, we're going to go jazz band.
07:04I think that's a real reflection of our room, right?
07:07You play bass.
07:08Uh, what do you think you're doing?
07:10Oh, um, just sprucing up the place.
07:12That charter school had that fresh coat of paint, so if we just...
07:15We're not Addington.
07:16We're an actual public school, and you can't paint the walls.
07:19Classroom decor is set by the Philadelphia Department of Education,
07:22Animal Shelters, and Traffic.
07:23Well...
07:24Trust me.
07:24The blue looks worse.
07:26My brother gets to go to Addington.
07:27They take a field trip every month.
07:30Is it true that they have a computer lab?
07:33Yep.
07:34And you can Google stuff.
07:37Dang.
07:41I know how we can spend the grant money.
07:43Janine, didn't you get your breathing checked over the summer?
07:45We already agree we're spending it on baby wipes and cleaning supplies.
07:49Look, I know it's not sexy, but we just need the basics here.
07:52But the basics aren't good enough.
07:53These kids need to be uplifted.
07:55We can turn the library into a computer lab.
07:59Get a bunch of computers.
08:00You mean computer.
08:01The S makes it expensive.
08:02Fine. Computer for the library.
08:04We don't even have a librarian for the library.
08:08It would be nice to get some plants for the classrooms.
08:10You know, some air freshener.
08:11A computer.
08:12Why are we even debating this?
08:13I can't believe you don't want to do more for our kids.
08:15That's not what it's about, Janine.
08:16Then what is it about?
08:17Look, we should not be competing with any school.
08:20We should be doing our best for this one.
08:24Yeah, no, I'm not saying...
08:25Yeah, thank you.
08:27Sounds like y'all got some different ideas about the grant money.
08:29We need to come up with a fair and responsible way
08:31to figure out what to do with the rest of that cash.
08:33Dear God.
08:34The only tried and true way that any sound financial decisions are made.
08:38Y'all ever seen Shark Tank?
08:39Mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm.
08:45Ah! All dressed up for your big dip in the Shark Tank today?
08:49What? No.
08:50I gotta go to court later for throwing a corncob at Ben Simmons.
08:53Wait, so you're not gonna make a presentation?
08:55No!
08:55I'm not gonna humiliate myself, and I don't know anybody else who would either.
08:59I stayed up all night making my presentation.
09:02Of course she did.
09:03I'm gonna win that grant money and turn Abbott into a crown jewel of the neighborhood.
09:07The crown jewel?
09:08It'll be us and that corner store that still sells Lucy's.
09:11You know, in the end times, it's just gonna be cockroaches roaming the empty streets
09:15and Janine holding up a sign that says,
09:17Turn that frown upside down.
09:31Whoa!
09:32That was awkward.
09:34Hey, I hope whatever's going on with you and Taylor can be fixed.
09:37Unfortunately, I don't think so.
09:39I cannot do another dinner at a restaurant that does small plates with a unique flair.
09:44Small plates?
09:45Oh, you have to break up.
09:46Just call her right now.
09:47Rip off the band-aid.
09:48Normally I would, but I don't think I can be the one to end this one.
09:51If I hurt Taylor, I'll hurt Barbara.
09:53You best not go hurting Barbara.
09:54You want my advice?
09:55No.
09:56Fill a certified letter telling you you got drafted.
10:00Or you could just let it peter out.
10:03What do you mean peter out?
10:04You can't ghost.
10:05That's too harsh.
10:06But petering is gentle.
10:08It's nice.
10:08I've done it a bunch of times.
10:10You just stop using exclamation points, okay?
10:13You start taking a few hours to respond.
10:16And then, you know, before you know it, it's been a few weeks since you've gotten a text that says,
10:20Good morning, handsome.
10:22It's risky.
10:23But it could work.
10:24And you probably won't get your tires slashed.
10:27You ever heard of Martha and the Vandellas?
10:29Well, I don't, Martha.
10:31But I'm pretty sure the Vandellas vandalize my car.
10:36I would like to not have my tires slashed, so.
10:40Thanks for being here, Courtney.
10:41I think of you like a young me.
10:43I think of you like an old me.
10:45This ain't a star is born.
10:46I shut your tiny ass down.
10:48Let's get going.
10:49There's dust bunnies in the gym with my name on it.
10:59Hello, sharks.
11:01You all know me as the lunch lady.
11:04Because none of you had the decency to ask my name.
11:06Yes.
11:06Continue, lunch lady.
11:07My name is Shanae.
11:09And I'm looking for 100% investment of the grant money for our kitchen.
11:13We need cutlery, a bunch of tongs, and hair nets.
11:15Because I know y'all are tired of straight hair and your food.
11:17I thought that was a new kind of soup.
11:19Thank you for your presentation.
11:20But I don't see how any of this benefits me personally in any way.
11:24And for that reason, I am out.
11:31Hey, Ava.
11:32Do you work here?
11:33For nine years.
11:35Damn.
11:36This is embarrassing for you.
11:37You should really try to stand out more.
11:40I haven't been impressed with the picture so far.
11:43They're trash.
11:44It's like they don't even want it.
11:45Can't believe I get to miss class for this.
11:47Okay.
11:48Who's next?
11:51Oh.
11:52Thank God.
11:53I thought you had some kind of twin janitor.
11:55That was freaky.
11:56Hello, Sharks.
11:56My name is Mr. Johnson.
11:58And I'm here to pitch you on janitorial work in the 21st century.
12:04Behold.
12:05Okay.
12:05With 100% of that grant money, I could become the 007 of janitors.
12:10Agent 409.
12:18Welcome to the tank.
12:19What do you have for us?
12:21Uh, we're just here to retrieve some books.
12:23Because this is, you know, a library.
12:25You both are annoying me.
12:26And for that reason, I'm out.
12:28We don't want to be in.
12:29Nevertheless, it's a no.
12:31And that is why I'm seeking the entire sum of the grant.
12:35So that we can grant our kids a brighter future.
12:41No.
12:42No.
12:43I don't know.
12:44It's a bit much.
12:45But a bit much is kind of my brand.
12:48I know.
12:49But I think it'll be more effective if we limit the theatrics and just keep it grounded.
12:55See?
12:56That is why I came to you.
12:58Because Jacob just would have lied to my face and told me it was amazing.
13:03Man, see, you're such an honest, straight up guy.
13:07You're right.
13:09I am straight up.
13:11And honest.
13:12It's kind of my brand.
13:14Well, it's not really your brand.
13:16Yeah, it is.
13:19See?
13:20Okay, then.
13:21Well, I'm going shark diving.
13:22Wish me luck.
13:27So, if I get this seed money, I'll be able to have my water ice truck all year round.
13:32What does this have to do with the school?
13:34This about the school?
13:35Man, I thought y'all was just giving out money.
13:37Get out.
13:38He's got my vote.
13:40It's so hot, I could really go for a water ice right now.
13:42Oh, we don't take bribes.
13:44They don't earn any form of money.
13:49Hi, sharks.
13:50I'm Janine Teagues from Philadelphia.
13:52Girl, we already know who you are.
13:53Get to it.
13:54See?
13:55This is why I was bored in her class.
13:57Today, I am seeking an investment of the full grant to brighten and better our school.
14:03I'm talking computer.
14:06The gateway to the future.
14:08One second.
14:09Gregory was right.
14:10This was too much.
14:11Let's go to commercial break.
14:12I'm reserving judgment until you can answer this question.
14:15You got one on my side?
14:16I do.
14:18T-shirt.
14:18T-shirt.
14:19T-shirt.
14:20So you want us to look just as dorky as you?
14:22A lot of our kids don't have access to the internet at home.
14:27Plus, I believe this will boost morale, which positively affects learning, according to certain studies.
14:34Are those peer reviewed?
14:35I prefer the pitch Mr. Johnson Gay.
14:37Look, we can prove that we're not just as good as any charter school.
14:42We're better!
14:45Stay tuned and find out who we'll be making a deal with after this next break.
14:49Who are you talking to?
14:51This is always my favorite part, when we let the losers know who they are.
14:55Yeah.
14:55Sorry, Mr. Hill.
14:56What?
14:57I didn't even pitch.
14:58Because morale is important and because I got outvoted two to one, the winner is Janine.
15:05Wait.
15:05Wait a minute.
15:06I'm Janine.
15:07Wait, I won?
15:08Oh my gosh, this feels amazing.
15:09I usually only get this feeling watching movies.
15:12Congrats, girl.
15:13You're getting your computer.
15:15What was that?
15:16You guys gotta see what's in the cabin.
15:17Cheerio!
15:25Hello, friend.
15:27For real?
15:30This is why we need new times.
15:32The mice are just slipping through the oven.
15:35No matter, I figured out the problem.
15:37What is it, Mr. Johnson?
15:38He's watching mice while we're at.
15:40We know that, Mr. Johnson.
15:41Oh.
15:42You up to speed then.
15:47I don't know.
15:48Here he is.
15:49Seems that when they chased the mice from that charter school, they were on the streets looking
15:53for somewhere else to go.
15:54Abbott was the most delicious.
15:55Congrats, Janine.
15:57I guess Abbott is better than Addington and something.
15:59Well, can you get rid of them or not?
16:00This job is too big for one Mr. Johnson.
16:02Oh, exterminators are expensive.
16:05The grant money.
16:06Yeah, I don't really think we got a choice.
16:08No.
16:08But I won.
16:10Oh, sorry, hon.
16:11Abbott is undefeated.
16:15Oh, look, Mrs. Howard.
16:17Can you please help me with this window?
16:19Oh, sure.
16:21They don't call me the window whisperer for nothing.
16:24All right?
16:26Okay, now, press directly here and release the pressure.
16:31There you go.
16:32Yeah.
16:33That all?
16:35Um, no.
16:37Actually, it's not.
16:38I don't know why I avoided it for so long.
16:40I'm not a peter out kind of guy.
16:42I'm happy Janine reminded me of that.
16:44I actually wanted to talk to you about something.
16:47And I wanted to talk to you, too.
16:50I just want to say I'm sorry things didn't work out between you and Taylor.
16:56Oh.
16:57Oh, don't tell me I'm breaking the news.
17:00Oh, honey.
17:00Oh, I told that child you have got to be straightforward.
17:05Petering out is just not of the Lord.
17:07Mm, mm.
17:08Wait, so she was petering out on me?
17:10Do you know why?
17:12Well, I think she said you a broke boy.
17:18I think she's saying I'm a broke boy.
17:25Oh, no.
17:31I can't believe we have rats in this group.
17:34Well, they're actually mice, which are better than rats because they're less intrusive.
17:38This lady trying to put a positive spin on rats.
17:41Don't get it twisted.
17:43This is a mouse house now.
17:47Look, Barbara and I weren't trying to be mean.
17:50It's just the kind of stuff we got to deal with around here.
17:52And that's why when we can get anything, we just want the basics.
17:55No, I get it.
17:56I do.
17:57You know, I just saw Addington and Freight.
18:00Just wanted to get something special for Abbott so that we don't feel like an afterthought.
18:05Mm-mm.
18:05Wanted us to feel just as good, even though maybe that just isn't true.
18:09And now it looks like we won't be getting any of that stuff.
18:12Yeah, even if I can cut a deal with the rat guy, we're only gonna have like 350 bucks left.
18:16Yep.
18:17Okay, let's just get wipes.
18:19There you go.
18:19Yeah.
18:20The kids don't need to feel special.
18:29Well, if that's all you want, I can make somebody feel special for less than 350.
18:32Ava, I've said I do not want to go to a strip club with you.
18:35That wasn't an invitation, girl.
18:36I just needed some wands.
18:37And lots of them.
18:39But no, I have another idea.
18:42Thank you, Sharks, for this one-time cash infusion.
18:47This is awesome.
18:48I'm for the win.
18:52Whoa, they got water eyes?
18:54That's right.
18:54Water eyes at Abbott.
18:56Keep it moving.
18:57What do you have?
18:58A computer lab?
18:59Dweebs.
19:02Yeah, you heard the baby shark.
19:04Keep it moving.
19:05And quit staring us down with that lazy eye.
19:08Who do you think you're talking to?
19:10A woman with Jersey mall hair and too much makeup.
19:13Now take that spigato ass down the street.
19:17Melissa!
19:18I don't even know what spigato means, and I know that was too much.
19:22It's a very small cup of coffee.
19:23That's not even close, and I can say whatever I want to my stupid sister.
19:28Sister?
19:28As in the woman that works at the other school?
19:31You have the same mom?
19:32Your sister?
19:33Yeah, yeah, good.
19:33You know what having a sister means.
19:35Glad you're making good use of that pen education.
19:37Wait.
19:38And no, I'm not saying another word about this.
19:42Well, um, hey, you gotta hand it to Ava.
19:45This is, this is a blast.
19:46Yeah.
19:46And it is so good that the kids can feel special today.
19:50Oh, are you saying that I was right, Fiber?
19:53Uh, no.
19:57This is so fun.
19:59Yeah.
19:59I just wish Gregory could enjoy it.
20:01What's wrong with Gregory?
20:02Well, he didn't hear it from me, but I think he and Taylor are on the outs.
20:11That's too bad.
20:13Yeah.
20:15Hey, Devin, can I get a pina colada?
20:24Hey.
20:25Hey.
20:25You okay?
20:27You okay?
20:27I will be.
20:33You are so welcome.
20:35You're all welcome!
20:37I really killed that today.
20:38Kids happy, Janine quiet, Gregory fine.
20:41I feel like I got a real knack for this.
20:43Like I could be president or maybe even mayor of a school.
20:46What'd you call that?
20:49How's that petering out going?
20:52Well, it turns out that Taylor was actually petering out on me.
20:56Whoa.
20:57She petered.
20:59That's amazing.
21:00How is that amazing?
21:02Because, man, that's what people used to do to me.
21:04Just one more thing we have in common.
21:07Don't take it so hard.
21:08Everybody gets dumped.
21:09If it can happen to Michael B. Jordan, it can happen to you.
21:12Now that white boy sure can act.
21:15Oh, I love those Back to the Future movies.
21:21Michael J. Fox.
21:24Delicious.
21:25In a large popcorn.
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