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00:00Listen to my story about a man named Jed, a poor mountaineer, barely kept his family fed.
00:05And then one day he was shooting at some food, and up to the ground come a bubble and crude.
00:11Oil, that is, black gold, Texas tea.
00:15Well, the first thing you know, old Jed's a millionaire.
00:18The kinfolk said, Jed, move away from there.
00:21Said, California is the place you ought to be.
00:24So they loaded up the truck and they moved to Beverly.
00:27Hills, that is, swimming foos, movie stars.
00:31The Beverly Hillbillies.
01:06You see, girls, I wasn't lying to you.
01:10Mr. Drysdale turned this whole fifth floor into a health and welfare department.
01:16And you say it's free to all bank employees?
01:19Yeah.
01:20I don't believe it.
01:21Not from Mr. Drysdale.
01:23Oh, it's true.
01:24This beautiful net hair didn't cost me a penny.
01:27She did it.
01:29The dentist?
01:30Uh-huh.
01:31Must be a wig maker, too.
01:33No, no, no, it's true.
01:34It's my own hair.
01:35She grew it.
01:37Here, pull it.
01:39Run your fingers through it.
01:42Must it out.
01:43Well, again.
01:49Once more.
01:50We believe you.
01:52I know, but I like it.
01:53That red hair's going to get you in trouble, Mr. Cratchit.
01:57Just call me Rick.
01:59Hey, girls, look at this.
02:02Harness mended, teeth whittled, shoes fixed.
02:07That's right.
02:07Mr. Clamper does that.
02:09Isn't he the man that has $80 million in this bag?
02:13That's right.
02:14Who has $80 million?
02:15He has.
02:16$80 million?
02:18And he whittles?
02:18He's eccentric.
02:20He's hillbilly.
02:21He's beautiful.
02:23I'll bet he's married.
02:24No, he's a widower.
02:26He's beautiful.
02:27Well, relax.
02:29You don't need any harness mended or teeth whittled.
02:32I got a shoe that needs fixing.
02:35Looks okay to me.
02:37How about not?
02:41What's going on up here?
02:42Get back to your desk.
02:43What do you think this is?
02:44It's the Employee Health and Welfare Department.
02:47Who told you that?
02:48He did.
02:49Who told you?
02:50You did.
02:51I lie a lot.
02:52Now get back to your desk on the double.
02:54Scram.
02:55But, Mr. Drysdale, you told me you were going to start a comprehensive program of employee benefits.
03:01Yes, we're supposed to get free dentistry, free surgery.
03:05Stop using that filthy four-letter word in my presence.
03:07What four-letter word?
03:09Free.
03:12Mr. Drysdale, what about the Clampets?
03:14You promised them you'd send them all your employees.
03:17They'll be angry.
03:18Shut up.
03:18When I see the Clampets, I'm going to tell them to get up.
03:23Mr. Clampet.
03:24Granny, get out.
03:27We've been looking for you.
03:30We've been looking for you, too.
03:32When are you going to come and sending up your employees?
03:34Well, here they are.
03:35I brought them up myself.
03:37Well, that's dandy.
03:38Come on in.
03:38Well, here we go, children.
03:41Health and welfare time.
03:43Follow your leader.
03:45Is it true that you fixed shoes?
03:47Well, yes, ma'am.
03:48Look what I did.
03:50Oh, well, I'll have that fixed in a jiffy.
03:54Oh, thank you.
03:56Oh, here, let me help you, ma'am.
03:58Well, girls, see that there's no emergency cases.
04:01I'm going to take your leader first.
04:04Me?
04:05What for?
04:05I'm going to pull them bad teeth of yours and fit you with this upper plate that Jed whittled for
04:12you.
04:13No, no, no, no, no.
04:13What do you mean, no?
04:15Oh, they're beautiful.
04:17Jack would love those.
04:18Jack?
04:19He's a poor old fellow that works with me.
04:21Hasn't got a tooth in his head.
04:23That's what I meant by no.
04:24I was thinking of poor old Jack down there without any teeth.
04:28You take care of him first.
04:29You mean that?
04:30Yes.
04:31The health and welfare of my employees must always take precedence over my own personal needs.
04:37Tony.
04:39I'll go along.
04:39He might not believe his good fortune.
04:42Well, girls, who'd like to be first in the dentist chair?
04:52Hey, looks like we got us some customers today.
04:55Anybody need psychiatry?
04:57Oh, yeah.
04:58Come on, right here.
04:59Right here.
05:00Come on, right into my house.
05:04Hot dog.
05:05Looks like I found my last work, Granny.
05:06Why do all them girls need psychiatry?
05:09It's their mothers.
05:11It's their mothers?
05:12Why?
05:13I'll find that out while I lay bare their ids.
05:15Oh, no.
05:17There'll be none of that.
05:18There'll be the ids in the brain.
05:20I reckon that's where the word idiot comes from.
05:24More than likely.
05:26I'll learn them to free associate their psyches and traumatize their complexes
05:29till it goes to loving their mothers.
05:32Where do you get all this talk?
05:34I've been reading about old Sigmund Freud.
05:36Who's Sigmund Freud?
05:38He's the fellow that started this whole thing over to Vienna.
05:41That's the capital of Australia.
05:47Granny?
05:49Oh, Ellie, I'm glad you're here.
05:51We is crawling with patients.
05:53Mr. Drysdale is fetching them up by the batch.
05:57Now, get their names and write them down in your book.
06:01There's five girls in Jethro's office.
06:04You can get their names later.
06:06Well, what is they being trained for, Doctor?
06:07The best I can figure out is that he's giving them idiot lessons.
06:13Anyway, he's turning them into mother lovers.
06:20How come you brought along the pushy cat?
06:23Oh, well, Louise is getting ready to have baby kittens, and I didn't want to leave the home alone.
06:29Can I put her in the maternity ward?
06:31Strictly speaking, she ain't one of Mr. Drysdale's employees.
06:35Well, she could be.
06:36Quick as she done having her babies, she could go to work cleaning out mice.
06:40Yeah, all right.
06:43But don't tell nobody.
06:44We'll put her in the book as a cleaning woman.
06:47Good.
06:49She ought to have more of a name than just Louise.
06:52Well, we could call her Mrs. Katz.
06:55Dandy.
06:57Put down that Mrs. Louise Katz was admitted to maternity this morning.
07:01Yes, ma'am, Granny.
07:04And mark down that it was emergency.
07:08Come on, little mama.
07:10You is the first maternity case of Mr. Drysdale's health and welfare plan.
07:19Oh, Ellie.
07:21Why don't we call the first boy Milburn Drysdale Katz?
07:27Good idea, Granny.
07:28Ha, ha.
07:29Hee, hee, hee, hee.
07:35Did you really carve this, Mr. Clansett?
07:38Yes, ma'am.
07:40Pitch that log from back in the hill.
07:43It's beautiful.
07:44It's, uh, primitive Rodin.
07:48No, ma'am, that's Arkansas cedar.
07:50Your shoes ready?
07:51I was referring to the sculptor.
07:53The man?
07:54Oh, uh, the man is Jim Owen.
07:57Your shoes ready?
07:58You want to sit down?
07:59I'll slip it on here.
08:01Oh, be careful.
08:03Thank you for catching me.
08:05I wish I had a man around all the time.
08:09You fall a lot, do you?
08:15No.
08:16I mean, uh, it's such a comforting feeling.
08:20A man who's tall, strong, rugged, handsome.
08:26Has, um, has anyone ever told you you look like John Wayne?
08:32No, and, uh, I hope nobody ever says it to John Wayne, neither.
08:38Hi, Louise.
08:40I mean, Miss Katz.
08:41Fine.
08:42She ain't commenced having her kittens.
08:44Uh, I mean babies, yes.
08:46Reckon I'll stay with her in a maternity ward?
08:49Good idea, Ellie.
08:50But put on your nurse's uniform.
08:52Make it look real official.
08:54Yes, ma'am.
08:56Come fetch me if you need help.
08:58I will.
09:00Ah, ah.
09:02You say this is a crow call?
09:04That's right.
09:05You just blow on that a couple times,
09:07an old crow will come right to you.
09:10Ah, ah.
09:14I thought you meant a bird.
09:18Well, Jim, I see you got her shoe fixed.
09:20Yep, she's ready to go back to work.
09:21No, I'm not.
09:23I mean, she hasn't checked me over.
09:26She's right, Jim.
09:28There's more to her than just feet.
09:30I'll grant you that.
09:32Sit right over here, honey.
09:37I'm either gonna have to lengthen that dress
09:39or shorten them legs.
09:42What's your name?
09:44Carol Bennett.
09:46Swingmore Apartments.
09:47Rescue 5-7-3-9-9.
09:51Are you married?
09:52No.
09:53I live all alone at the Swingmore Apartments.
09:57Rescue 5-7-3-9-9.
10:01I ain't hard of hearing, honey.
10:05Now, I'll check them teeth.
10:09Oh, yeah.
10:13Fine.
10:14Dandy set of teeth.
10:16Just perfect.
10:18Even Jed couldn't whittle them no better.
10:21I'm glad to hear I have perfect teeth.
10:26Yeah.
10:28But I'm gonna have to soundproof them gums
10:31or take a tuck in your lips.
10:33You got too much voice for the size of your mouth.
10:38I can't find enough secretaries to type these documents.
10:41Oh, they're up on the fifth floor
10:42getting health and welfare from the Clampets.
10:44Go round them up.
10:45Right.
10:46Uh-oh.
10:47Uh-oh what?
10:47Uh-oh, bad.
10:49Carol Bennett's up there.
10:50Who's she?
10:51A new girl, a nightclub singer.
10:53It is my opinion that you took a job here
10:55only to get a line on your biggest depositors.
10:58Jed Clampett.
11:00Precisely.
11:01Why did you hire her?
11:02I didn't.
11:03Well, I should have screened her.
11:04You did?
11:05What did I say?
11:06Wow.
11:12Oh, Mr. Drysdale.
11:13I've done psycho-desirate secretaries.
11:14They don't hate their mothers no more.
11:16Good, good.
11:17They hate you.
11:19Well, the feeling is mutual.
11:21Now get back to your desk.
11:22There's work to do.
11:23Oh, but Mr. Drysdale,
11:24I found out why they hate you.
11:25You just give me the word
11:26and I can cure them like that.
11:28Then can I go back to work?
11:29Just like that.
11:30Great.
11:31You'll cure them.
11:34You heard them, girls.
11:35Everybody gets a raise.
11:39I don't like to hurry you, doctor,
11:41but Miss Bennett here is needed at her desk.
11:43Well, I'm done with her,
11:44but she says she wants to take lessons from Jed.
11:47Oh, what kind of lessons?
11:49Harness mending.
11:50Let's go.
11:51But she don't want to take time off from work.
11:54She says Jed can come up to her place at night.
11:56Oh, it's a fine girl.
11:58Very ambitious.
11:59Oh, that's the truth.
12:00You don't find many girls
12:02wanting to mend harness these days.
12:04Bye, Mr. Wayne.
12:05I mean, Mr. Clansworth.
12:06Doctor, you're needed right away.
12:08In maternity.
12:09Maternity?
12:10Yes, sir.
12:10Louie, I mean,
12:11Miss Katz is about to have a baby.
12:13Hurry, doctor!
12:14Who, who, who is Mrs. Katz?
12:16She works for you.
12:17She's a cleaning lady.
12:18Oh, Granny, wait!
12:26Granny, Granny, wait!
12:28Wait, wait!
12:29That, that cleaning woman can't have her baby here.
12:31Ain't this the health and welfare department of your bank?
12:34Well, yes, but, but,
12:36I'd better talk to her.
12:39Are you the baby's father?
12:41Oh, of course not.
12:43I'll get in touch with him.
12:44Well, you don't know who the father is.
12:46You don't know who the father...
12:47Well, isn't she married?
12:49Strictly speaking, no.
12:51Well, Granny, that, that woman
12:53should be in a hospital with a real doctor.
12:55Real doctor!
12:56Go ahead!
12:58Sorry, doctor!
12:59Oh!
13:04If this gets hot, I'm ruined.
13:07Mr. Drysdale.
13:08You're fired!
13:09Really?
13:09Yes, really!
13:11You go back to singing.
13:12That's a good idea.
13:13I'll start singing right away.
13:15Why?
13:16I'll sing to the newspapers,
13:17the health department, TV, radio...
13:20You wouldn't do it!
13:20Oh, yes.
13:21They love these unwed mother stories.
13:24You're hired again, with a raise and a bonus.
13:28What kind of a bonus?
13:30Free lessons and harness mending.
13:32At night, from Mr. Clampett.
13:34At your place.
13:36Thank you, Mrs. Clampett.
13:38Thank you, Mrs. Clampett.
13:39Thank you, Mrs. Clampett.
13:40Thank you, Mrs. Clampett.
13:41Thank you, Mrs. Clampett.
13:42Thank you, Mrs. Clampett.
13:43Dad, I know you've gone to that great bank in the sky.
13:48Or wherever it is.
13:49But you always said if I ever really needed you,
13:52you'd find some way to communicate with me.
13:54Well, Dad, I really need you.
13:57Please send a message to me.
14:00Listen, Dad.
14:01I'll tell you what I'll do.
14:03You know that little church in the valley,
14:05the one you always thought was so quaint and pretty?
14:09Well, if you'll get me out of this mess,
14:11I'll go out there right now.
14:13And in your name,
14:15I'll foreclose on it.
14:20I'm sorry, but I'm unable to trace this Mrs. Katz.
14:23That's obviously a phony name she gave Granny.
14:26She isn't even married.
14:28Unwed mother.
14:29If this story ever gets out,
14:31I am ruined.
14:33Mr. Drysdale,
14:34old Jack says you can have the teeth back.
14:37He can't use them.
14:38Why not?
14:39Well, he says I'm what you pay him.
14:41He can't afford to buy solid food.
14:44You hear that, Dad?
14:46That's gratitude for you.
14:48Oh, it's him.
14:52Lowsberry's father.
14:54The Prince of Darkness.
14:56Mr. Drysdale's father?
14:57Oh, I worked for him 40 years ago.
14:59I was six foot tall then.
15:01But he beat me down.
15:04Don't be frightened of Mr. Drysdale, Sr.
15:06He died many years ago.
15:08Oh, I'm not so sure.
15:09I said then we should have driven a stake through his heart.
15:14Oh, I forgot.
15:16Now, Mr. Clamp had whittled this for you.
15:18He said, being a birdwatcher,
15:20you might like to have it.
15:22Oh, dear.
15:30Stop making that silly noise
15:32and get up to the maternity ward
15:33and see how Mrs. Katz is doing.
15:34Right, Chief.
15:38Please, Dad, get a message to me.
15:41Give me a sign.
15:45Dad!
15:49You've come back!
15:52You're going to help me.
15:56Oh, look, I've got your picture up.
15:59I'm proud to be your son.
16:02Dad, you know the spot I'm in.
16:04Tell me what to do.
16:07Got a message for you, Mr. Drysdale.
16:09Granny told me to tell you
16:09the cleaning woman had a boy.
16:11Is everything all right?
16:13I reckon so.
16:15They named her Milburn Drysdale Cat.
16:18They named it after me?
16:21Yep.
16:22They'd like to name the second one after your wife.
16:24It's twin?
16:26Oh, no, sir.
16:27Triplets.
16:29Ain't named the third one yet.
16:31Dad.
16:32What'll I do?
16:33Oh, don't turn your back on me.
16:35I need you.
16:36Talk to me.
16:37Please.
16:38Dad.
16:41Drysdale, is she talking to that crow?
16:44That's no crow.
16:45That's my father.
16:49How'd you like to come up to my psychiatry office?
16:51The couch is empty right now.
16:53Go away, Jethro.
16:54Leave us alone.
16:55Dad won't talk to me while you're here.
16:57Sure, I'll go.
17:00But I best take this along with me.
17:01It looks kind of sharp.
17:03Sure not seeing you, Mr. Drysdale.
17:05You too, Mr. Drysdale.
17:08Bye.
17:10Miss Jane, he needs help.
17:12You're telling me.
17:15Well, Chief, I have the latest bulletin from the maternity ward.
17:18Yeah.
17:19It's triplets.
17:21No, quintemplates.
17:22Five?
17:23Yes, and more on the way.
17:24Oh, no.
17:26Did you hear that, Dad?
17:28Dad.
17:30Don't leave me now.
17:32I need you.
17:35Dad.
17:36Come back.
17:38Coward.
17:39Deserter.
17:40Oh, you really are mean and rotten.
17:43Did I hear you refer to that crow as Dad?
17:45Yes, he came from the other world.
17:47He flew in here in answer to a call.
17:50And flew out when I told him what the call was about.
17:52Chicken.
17:54If that's the newspaper, I'm not here and you don't know anything.
17:59Mr. Drysdale's office.
18:00Oh, yes, Ellie.
18:02What?
18:04Seven.
18:05Yes, I'll tell him.
18:07Chief.
18:08I heard.
18:09I heard.
18:10Well, where are you going?
18:11To the nearest bar.
18:12Well, go to one that doesn't have a television set.
18:14If this news gets out, they'll beam it off the satellite.
18:16Oh.
18:17Well, this is, is too big to hide for long, especially with Carol around.
18:22Speaking of Carol, that girl acts as though she owns this bank.
18:26She may.
18:28She may.
18:32Oh, hi to Miss Carol.
18:34Oh, what's the latest on Mrs. Katz?
18:36Had a dandy bunch of young'uns.
18:38Seven and all.
18:39Seven?
18:40That must be a world's record.
18:41Oh, no.
18:43Back in the hills, I've seen many as 12 or 13.
18:46Well, Mama and the young'uns are doing just fine.
18:50Ellie Mae and Jester's gonna take them all up to our house.
18:54The mother's in there, too?
18:55Yep.
18:56Is there room?
18:57Oh, sure.
18:58She had her last babies in a hat box.
19:00Uh, may I have a look?
19:03Sure.
19:04But don't scare now.
19:06It's the cats!
19:09That's right.
19:10And we'd appreciate it if you didn't tell Mr. Drysdale.
19:13He thinks she's a cleaning woman.
19:15Don't worry.
19:17I won't tell.
19:18I'll be back directly in case you need cycling.
19:20I can talk Mr. Drysdale into giving you a raise.
19:23He already gave me one.
19:25And I think I better start earning it.
19:28I wonder when the rest of Mr. Drysdale's employees is gonna come up.
19:38You know, I kinda wish they don't show up.
19:41Tell me if I ain't getting kinda homesick.
19:44Me, too.
19:46Where is everybody?
19:48The maternity ward is empty.
19:49Oh, Jethro and Ellie Mae took the mama and the babies home to our house.
19:53Are they all right?
19:54Oh, sure.
19:55You can stop worrying about them.
19:56They're fine.
19:57Oh, bless you.
19:58But I'd still like to find that father.
19:59Well, if it's any help to you, the last one looked like a Persian.
20:04Persian?
20:05Oh, that don't mean nothing, Jed.
20:08Two of them look like Siamese.
20:12Mr. Drysdale, would it come as a big blow to you if we was to move back home?
20:17You mean leave?
20:19All of you?
20:20We won't go if it's gonna put you in a bind.
20:22Oh, no.
20:23Not at all.
20:24You've done enough.
20:24In fact, you've done too much.
20:26All right.
20:27We'll commence packing quick as Jethro gets back with the truck.
20:29No, don't wait.
20:30Go now.
20:31Miss Hathaway will drive you, and I'll have all this stuff sent out my truck.
20:35Oh, uh, would you like to have this as a souvenir?
20:43Well, thank you.
20:51Beat it, Dad.
20:52I don't need you now.
20:59Howdy, ma'am.
21:00Hello.
21:01Is this the health and welfare department of the bank?
21:04That's right.
21:05How soon are you expecting?
21:07Oh, any time now.
21:08Well, step right into the maternity ward.
21:10Wait a minute.
21:11Who's she?
21:13One of your employees, I reckon.
21:15I've never seen you around this bank.
21:16I work nights.
21:17I'm a cleaning woman.
21:19Last time I had triplets.
21:21Well, maybe this time we'll do better.
21:27Don't stand there.
21:28Help me get this door open.
21:30The elevator ain't there.
21:32I know.
21:32I want to jump.
21:51Well, now it's time to say goodbye to Jed and all his kin.
21:54They would like to thank you folks for kindly dropping in.
21:58You're all invited back next week to this locality
22:01To have a heaping helping of their hospitality.
22:05Hillbilly, that is.
22:07Set a spell.
22:09Take your shoes off.
22:10Y'all come back now.
22:11Hear?
22:13This has been a FilmWise presentation.
22:18Viacom.
22:19Viacom.
22:19Viacom.
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