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Transcript
00:00:08Hello, good evening, and welcome to How to Stay Married with me, James Vereker, and over here,
00:00:15the woman lucky enough to call herself my better half, my wife, Lizzie.
00:00:21Thank you, darling. Hello.
00:00:23Now, a wise man once said, marriage isn't a battlefield, it's a partnership,
00:00:28and married people should be comrades, not rivals.
00:00:32Though that's sometimes easier said than done.
00:00:36How do you stay connected after 20 years of children, careers, everything?
00:00:42How do you keep each other interested over dinner or in the bedroom when the honeymoon period comes to an
00:00:48end?
00:00:49We'll be chatting to a range of celebrity and ordinary couples to ask, how do they make it work for
00:00:55them?
00:00:55And we'll find out if the grass really is greener on the other side of the fence.
00:01:14We'll be quizzing the experts on how to keep a marriage fresh without seeking excitement elsewhere.
00:01:20We'll discuss how to deal with the pain if one of you breaks the rules.
00:01:25And how to keep your feet on the ground when you're thinking about walking away.
00:01:52Gosh, that's a lot to get through, isn't it?
00:01:54Well, we did say, till death do us part.
00:01:57So, stay tuned.
00:01:59And stay married.
00:02:01Mm.
00:02:09Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
00:02:27oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
00:02:54Good afternoon.
00:02:55Hello, and this is Rupert Carvel-Black, MP for Chapin and Bisley,
00:02:59reminding you to vote conservative.
00:03:01Keep the Cotswolds blue.
00:03:04Hi!
00:03:06I know that's a cheese.
00:03:09Cotswolds blue.
00:03:12Don't let live attack our cheese!
00:03:14I'm feeling in your heart.
00:03:17I know you like what you see.
00:03:22Hold me.
00:03:23Put first, I can rely on your love.
00:03:26Yes, I can see.
00:03:27I can see.
00:03:28I can see.
00:03:30Thank you so much.
00:03:31It's lovely to see you again this morning.
00:03:33Thank you so much.
00:03:36I'll take you down.
00:03:37I'll take you down.
00:03:40But no one's ever going to fall away.
00:03:43If you want to fall, if you want to fall, fall, fall.
00:03:49I say jump, fall in love.
00:03:52Jump in love.
00:03:54Oh, thanks.
00:03:55I have no idea about the signature.
00:03:57What are you talking about?
00:03:58I've got lots of signatures.
00:04:00What do you think about doing this professionally?
00:04:01Very funny.
00:04:04What?
00:04:04Oh, yeah, let me.
00:04:05There's an act to it.
00:04:07Do you mind?
00:04:07Yeah.
00:04:26Patrick O'Hara.
00:04:27I finished university.
00:04:29I'm a real grown-up now.
00:04:32I don't have time for declarations.
00:04:34You're a lovely boy, but I'm-
00:04:35You're what?
00:04:36Busy being the mistress of a wanker?
00:04:40Can I kiss you?
00:04:42Jesus, Patrick.
00:04:43I...
00:04:44You have no idea.
00:04:48You look fucking incredible, by the way!
00:05:08Yeah, I think the picking was quite taken with you.
00:05:10I'll be invited to cheer the rectory.
00:05:13Well, I'll do anything for the cause.
00:05:17Yeah.
00:05:17Me too.
00:05:19Yeah, you're quite the campaigner.
00:05:25Oh, Seb's here.
00:05:27Yeah, he's taken me to the cinema.
00:05:31You're going out with him.
00:05:35I like him.
00:05:37He's decent.
00:05:39Well, is that the best you can hope for, decent?
00:05:44Well, maybe I'm fed up with sitting around waiting for my life to happen.
00:05:48Making sandwiches for everybody else.
00:05:54Hey.
00:05:55Hey.
00:05:55You okay?
00:05:56Yeah.
00:05:56You ready?
00:05:57Yeah.
00:05:58Taggy!
00:06:01Yeah, I'll see you tomorrow.
00:06:22Okay, next item, as you know, we're finally putting something punchy in Declan's old slot,
00:06:27Sarah's show.
00:06:28Still working on the format, newest idea is we bring in a co-host to mix things up a bit.
00:06:33Finally.
00:06:35A co-host?
00:06:35More like a magazine, but spicier.
00:06:37Network loves the idea.
00:06:39It's not your fault, Sarah.
00:06:40Prime time slot is a big thing for you to carry by yourself.
00:06:42Is it?
00:06:43We're working on the details.
00:06:44Obviously it won't be James.
00:06:45What?
00:06:46Your cots will round up.
00:06:47Can't dilute the brand, can we?
00:06:49Okay, next.
00:06:50Great Gardens.
00:06:51We need a new location now that we're pulling green lawns.
00:06:54Do we need to pull it?
00:06:55Freddie Jones is actively campaigning to bring down Carinium.
00:06:58Why would we put his house on our gardening show?
00:07:01Well, it might be a show of strength if we go ahead anyway.
00:07:03That means that we gain access to the property.
00:07:05See if we can't pump Mrs. Jones for info.
00:07:08Yes.
00:07:09Good.
00:07:09Let's go ahead.
00:07:11Now then.
00:07:15Am I a man of my word, Cameron?
00:07:21You are a man of many words.
00:07:23Am I a man of my word?
00:07:28Yes.
00:07:29Of course.
00:07:30I think we'd all agree, Tony.
00:07:33Would you?
00:07:35That's curious, because I quite clearly remember telling you not to speak to any of those venturer
00:07:41traitors.
00:07:42Do you remember what I said, Ginger, would be the consequence?
00:07:47Instant dismissal, Tony.
00:07:52In which case, Mr. Burrows, am I to take it you no longer acquire Carinium services as an employer?
00:08:02No.
00:08:03Um.
00:08:05Sorry.
00:08:07You were observed attending a screening of Absolute Beginners at the Colchester Regal.
00:08:14With Taggy O'Hara.
00:08:18He was spying on me.
00:08:20It's franchise season, Sebastian.
00:08:21I'm spying on everyone.
00:08:22It's self-preservation.
00:08:23And it turns out entirely necessary, given that you're a double-crossing little shitbag.
00:08:28So now, I'm going to make an extremely fucking public example of you.
00:08:32I'm not only going to make sure you never work in commercial television again, I'm going
00:08:36to make sure there's no job for you on any channel, anywhere.
00:08:40I'm going to make sure you can't get a job selling televisions at Rumbelow's.
00:08:49Escort Mr. Burrows to his car, would you, Ginger?
00:08:51Don't let him clear his desk.
00:08:52But I have...
00:08:53I'm very fucking glad you're leaving here with all ten fingernails.
00:08:57All right, then.
00:08:58Off you all, fuck.
00:08:59And thank you for your loyalty.
00:09:00It has been noted.
00:09:02Quick chat, Cameron.
00:09:16I brought this little guy as requested.
00:09:21You can have it back as soon as Lady Gosling's had a good look.
00:09:24Where were you Friday night?
00:09:25Home.
00:09:26I rang.
00:09:27You didn't answer.
00:09:27I unplugged my phone.
00:09:29Wanted to make sure I got a good night's rest prepping for Grey Gardens.
00:09:32You're not wearing your ring.
00:09:35Close to my heart.
00:09:38I didn't want people asking questions or...
00:09:40Patrick O'Hara was at your house.
00:09:43And I told him where to get off.
00:09:46I know.
00:09:49You know you don't have to spy on me, Tony.
00:09:55Ready to go for a spin.
00:10:02You've done a spectacular job.
00:10:04The cameras are gonna love it.
00:10:05We only feature the very best gardens on the programme.
00:10:08Oh, wow.
00:10:09Monica's at the Faulkner, of course.
00:10:10Mm-hmm.
00:10:11The Duchess of the Badminton.
00:10:12And then, Mon, she doesn't mind with all of the unpleasantness.
00:10:16I haven't spoken to her in weeks.
00:10:19Monica feels, and I agree, you're so special.
00:10:23And showcasing this lovely garb now, it's far more important than petty personal fuse.
00:10:29Oh, I just wish we could all go back to how it was before when we were all friends.
00:10:34Do you, um, do you have to host meetings here?
00:10:38Oh, yes.
00:10:38They hole up in Fred Fred's office, and I just leave them to it.
00:10:42You know, the hardest thing is remembering who's siding with who.
00:10:45I'm so glad you said that.
00:10:46I can't remember from one day to the next.
00:10:48I'm sure we've got a couple of moles.
00:10:49Yes.
00:10:50Yes.
00:10:51Freddie is worried about moles.
00:10:53Really?
00:10:54Mm.
00:10:55He's been putting castor oil everywhere.
00:10:57I'm terrified I'm gonna wake up in the morning and find molehills all over the lawn.
00:11:19Oh, you have to come down more often.
00:11:24Drive safe.
00:11:32What was molehills doing here?
00:11:33He came to see me, darling.
00:11:34I do have friends.
00:11:36So what, he came for a cup of tea?
00:11:38Oh, Jesus Christ.
00:11:39We had a drink.
00:11:43Is there something you want to ask me?
00:11:46Hm?
00:11:46Do you know where your daddy is?
00:11:48I mean, because I don't see you hounding him.
00:11:50But daddy would never.
00:11:51Oh.
00:11:52I am sick of your disapproval.
00:11:54You have no idea what I've done for this family over the years.
00:11:57Well, I don't know why you bother if you resent it so much.
00:11:59Well, you don't even like me.
00:12:00I love you.
00:12:01You're my daughter.
00:12:02When you look at me, all you see are the things you've done wrong.
00:12:05That's bloody unfair.
00:12:06I nearly died giving birth to you.
00:12:08Twenty years ago.
00:12:14Malhar offered me a part.
00:12:16A part?
00:12:17Yes.
00:12:18A part.
00:12:18In a play.
00:12:19Like I used to do parts and plays.
00:12:20But I don't anymore, because I'm stuck down here.
00:12:23It's a play in London.
00:12:24Well, what do you say?
00:12:27No.
00:12:29Of course I did.
00:12:33Sorry.
00:12:35I guess, yeah.
00:12:36I guess it's nice to be asked.
00:12:40No, it's not, Taggy.
00:12:42You get so used to putting other people's needs first that it becomes second nature.
00:12:47And then one day you look at yourself and you think, why in fuck's name did I do that?
00:12:54It's too late to change.
00:12:55But by then, it's too late to change.
00:13:19Darling!
00:13:22I'm so glad to see you.
00:13:24Just supporting my husband.
00:13:26Not that he needs it.
00:13:30What brings you to Valerie's opening?
00:13:32Sticker bombing.
00:13:34I managed to get one on Valerie's bottom.
00:13:38Closest to our opening I ever want to get.
00:13:40They probably shouldn't be talking, since we're with rival consortiums.
00:13:46Consortia?
00:13:46Don't know.
00:13:47Consortia?
00:13:48Consortiums.
00:13:50Anyway, it doesn't matter.
00:13:52We're all adults.
00:13:53I'm not giving you up for the sake of any stupid franchise.
00:13:56You're the closest thing I have to a conscience.
00:13:58Mwah.
00:13:59How many gentle flowers grow in an English country garden?
00:14:07I'll tell you now of some I know, and those I miss, I hope you'll pardon.
00:14:15Dappletills had season flocks.
00:14:16Dappletills had season flocks.
00:14:17Middle sweet and lily stocks.
00:14:18Gentle laminant tall hollyhocks.
00:14:21Roses, pots, blocks and drops.
00:14:24Forget me nots.
00:14:25In an English country garden.
00:14:28Harder.
00:14:33This is horrendous, isn't it?
00:14:35Absolute hell.
00:14:37Lemonade, this is very calm.
00:14:38Thank you, Sharon.
00:14:40Lovely hat.
00:14:54James is having an affair with Sarah Stratton.
00:14:59Oh, darling.
00:15:01I shouldn't have told you that.
00:15:02You'll leak it to the Scorpion to discredit Carinion.
00:15:07Why don't you leave him?
00:15:08He's a wanker.
00:15:13I...
00:15:17I booked a hotel room to have an affair with Freddie.
00:15:21Then I bottled out.
00:15:25Hated myself.
00:15:26Everyone does it.
00:15:30Really, everyone.
00:15:32All these people.
00:15:34What?
00:15:35Her.
00:15:35Over there.
00:15:36In the hat.
00:15:37Oh, is she fucking that man next to her?
00:15:40Is that why she's not looking at him?
00:15:42Him and her?
00:15:43Hmm.
00:15:44Hand jobs in the potting shed.
00:15:46I mean, am I really the only person holding out?
00:15:54Does that make me a bit simple?
00:15:59Should I be able to hold more than one man in my head at once?
00:16:10I can't even make it a show about fidelity, for God's sake.
00:16:15Yes, you're an embarrassment to premium television.
00:16:19Blimey.
00:16:20Oh, God.
00:16:20Bit of a circus, isn't it?
00:16:23Ah.
00:16:24Send in the clowns.
00:16:25Ah.
00:16:26Speaking of which, they're about to film your spouses.
00:16:29Hmm.
00:16:30I think I'll, um...
00:16:32Go and watch.
00:16:41You didn't come.
00:16:45I tried.
00:16:46I...
00:16:46I couldn't get out of the car.
00:16:49I'm sorry.
00:16:51Yeah.
00:16:53No, it's probably for the best.
00:16:58You probably were out when you said no the first time.
00:17:09Seconds away, James.
00:17:10Quiet, please!
00:17:12And...
00:17:13Action, James.
00:17:14One only has to look at your borders, Mrs Jones, to appreciate what an extraordinary garden you are.
00:17:19Tell me, what's your secret?
00:17:20How do you grow such whopping glands?
00:17:22Well, James, I feed them with growmaw, and obviously I stake them very tall, so they're not flopping over everywhere.
00:17:30Can we have some quiet, please?
00:17:33Quiet!
00:17:35Right, Deidre, are we ready?
00:17:36Excellent.
00:17:37Oh!
00:17:39Oh, for God's sake.
00:17:40Cut!
00:17:41I'm so sorry.
00:17:41You all right?
00:17:42It's like working in a zoo.
00:17:43Why is there a dog on the lead?
00:17:44Can we find out why there's a dog off the lead?
00:17:46OK.
00:17:47Shall we try this again?
00:17:48Are we ready?
00:17:49Are we ready?
00:17:49I'm ready.
00:17:50Action.
00:17:51One only has to take a look at your borders, Mrs Jones, to realize...
00:18:01I'm here to pick you up.
00:18:04I have my car.
00:18:05Well, Ginger will drive it, won't you?
00:18:07OK.
00:18:08I don't understand.
00:18:10They're taking you out.
00:18:53It's the Ventura franchise application.
00:18:58OK.
00:18:58Well, how did you get it?
00:19:00Ginger did a little, like, espionage at Greenlawns.
00:19:05Oh, can I read it?
00:19:06What's in it?
00:19:07Enough else to get our teeth into.
00:19:09We'll pick over it tomorrow.
00:19:17Tonight is about you and me.
00:19:25Listen.
00:19:27I know I didn't say it enough, but...
00:19:29Tony.
00:19:30People can see us.
00:19:40Dance with me.
00:19:42Nobody's dancing.
00:19:43I don't care.
00:19:44Come dance.
00:19:48We are young.
00:19:52Heartache to heartache.
00:19:55We stand.
00:19:57No promises.
00:19:59No demands.
00:20:03Love is a battlefield.
00:20:07I remember what I said about the ring.
00:20:11Once we win this, we'll do this whenever we want.
00:20:14Cool.
00:20:20We are strong.
00:20:24No one can tell us we are wrong.
00:20:30Searching our hearts for so long.
00:20:35Both of us knowing.
00:20:41Love is a battlefield.
00:20:57Come on, Tag.
00:20:58A, B, C or D?
00:20:59None of them.
00:21:00No, you have to pick one.
00:21:01Come on.
00:21:02Otherwise, how do we know which four-momentimo character you're going to marry?
00:21:07Tag, have you seen this?
00:21:08What?
00:21:10Shall we?
00:21:13Rupert in Clinch with Cook.
00:21:15Oh, my God.
00:21:16You're in the Scorpion.
00:21:17You're the Cook.
00:21:19It's Cameron Cook.
00:21:20They must mean Cameron.
00:21:21Cameron?
00:21:21No, it's definitely you.
00:21:24Seb's going to be devastated.
00:21:25Losing his job.
00:21:26Now this.
00:21:27What about Cameron?
00:21:28It's Rupert and Cameron.
00:21:29Didn't you know?
00:21:31Wow.
00:21:32She really picks him, doesn't she?
00:21:33Oh, God, please.
00:21:34It will ruin everything for Daddy if it comes out.
00:21:36I shouldn't have told you.
00:21:37Please, Patrick.
00:21:38Leave it alone.
00:21:44Tomorrow at the public meeting, we all need to be able to answer whatever questions come
00:21:49up.
00:21:49Seb's been doing some briefing notes for everyone.
00:21:52I know that he has more time in his hands, but we need to know this back to front like
00:21:56Cameron
00:21:57does.
00:21:58Where is Cameron?
00:21:59With the Dark Lord, I suppose.
00:22:00I rang him this morning.
00:22:01We should announce him.
00:22:02Gerald, you got a spare copy.
00:22:03I couldn't find mine this morning.
00:22:04Uh, yes.
00:22:06Rupert does that a lot.
00:22:07Why does this have to be at Carinium?
00:22:08Should the public meeting be on neutral grounds?
00:22:11It's deliberately stacked in favour of the incumbent.
00:22:14It's simpler for everyone if they get to keep the franchise, so the IBA make it easy to
00:22:18defend and difficult to challenge.
00:22:20Look, we have to prove we've got the money and experience to take over the building, because
00:22:25plenty of franchise applications fall at this hurdle, so, you know.
00:22:27You've got your best side.
00:22:30It's not anything.
00:22:38You think this is funny?
00:22:41Oh, come on.
00:22:42It's just tabloid nonsense.
00:22:43It's still onto chip paper.
00:22:44You promised me you wouldn't touch her.
00:22:46I didn't touch her.
00:22:47What the fuck is that?
00:22:49The seatbelt wasn't working.
00:22:50You made him promise not to touch me.
00:22:52What?
00:22:53I'm 20 years old.
00:22:54Oh, so something did happen then, didn't it?
00:22:58She's seeing Sebas, isn't she?
00:23:02Sebas.
00:23:03Nothing.
00:23:04No, it's okay.
00:23:06She's her own person.
00:23:07Yeah, you see?
00:23:07She's her own person.
00:23:11Get out of my house.
00:23:12Daddy, for God's sake, stop!
00:23:14Jack, here we go.
00:23:15Seriously, this is too far.
00:23:15You couldn't be serious if your life depended on it.
00:23:18What the fuck do you have riding on this?
00:23:19I put my house up?
00:23:21I bought the Bluebell wood so you could clear your debts?
00:23:24You've had all my money.
00:23:25What more do you want?
00:23:25Look, Steve...
00:23:27Should we...
00:23:28get back to work and...
00:23:29stop talking about who gets to touch up, Taggy?
00:23:31Oh!
00:23:33Hey, come on.
00:23:34Stop!
00:23:35Come here, come here.
00:23:36Frick!
00:23:36We need you, come here.
00:23:37Oh, no.
00:23:39Come on, child.
00:23:41It's up.
00:23:42Oh, gosh.
00:23:42What the fuck is your offense, man?
00:23:44Jesus Christ.
00:23:46What?
00:23:46Fuck.
00:23:48What happened?
00:23:50You shouldn't be here.
00:23:51It's not safe.
00:23:52I was gonna call, but I got scared in case Tony bugged the phone.
00:23:55That's paranoid, darling.
00:23:57No, not anymore.
00:23:58It's not.
00:23:59Tony has seen the application.
00:24:01He knows all of our plans.
00:24:03What?
00:24:04How?
00:24:09Freddie.
00:24:11You got your copy?
00:24:31We should probably get someone to fix that.
00:24:34I'm for that, darling.
00:24:36Oh.
00:24:37That green lawns?
00:24:39Mm.
00:24:39It's in Great Garden State.
00:24:41Come and watch with me.
00:24:42And here I am, surrounded by...
00:24:43A laugh at Valerie's gruesome borders.
00:24:45Yellows, greens, blues...
00:24:46Yeah, it's all right.
00:24:47...oranges, indigos, all the colors of the rainbow.
00:24:50And who's this little collection of colorful characters we have here?
00:24:53See?
00:24:53She's got loans.
00:24:55I think he's a little camera shy, don't you?
00:24:57And what's the inspiration behind this piece of landscaping here?
00:25:00Oh, well, James...
00:25:02What does she feed those enormous clavioli?
00:25:04Same thing she feeds her children.
00:25:05I suppose I wanted the garden to reflect that.
00:25:08And reflected it does.
00:25:10Almost blinded.
00:25:11Oh, look.
00:25:12Poor James.
00:25:13It's the same color as the marigolds.
00:25:16She looks like she's dressed for Ascot.
00:25:18What an extraordinary...
00:25:19Lady Valerie of Bulgaria.
00:25:21What's your secret?
00:25:22How do you grow such whopping glass?
00:25:24Oh, well, James, I feed them with growmore.
00:25:26And obviously I stake them very high so they're...
00:25:30Whoopsie-daisy!
00:25:36It's Robert.
00:25:37I don't know what it is.
00:25:37Oh!
00:25:38Viva!
00:25:39Jakey, we find out why there's a dog off the lead?
00:25:41I, uh...
00:25:42It's dosed on my table now.
00:25:43She's in front.
00:25:49What's that?
00:25:50Are you ready?
00:25:50It's a small one.
00:25:51Hang on for one moment.
00:25:52Jakey, ready?
00:25:55Shall we try that again?
00:25:57Ready?
00:25:58I'm ready, Jakey.
00:25:58Bear away.
00:26:11Fever seems besotted with Miss Cook, doesn't he?
00:26:16It's rather like he knows her.
00:26:29Who will be...
00:26:41...having the place and just…
00:26:45Ascot.
00:26:47They're gone!
00:26:52I've never met you!
00:26:53I've never met you!
00:26:56They're gone!
00:26:56They're gone!
00:26:58They're gone!
00:27:04the day of reckoning arrives could we say the application was just sitting on freddie jones's
00:27:09desk makes them sound appallingly careless i'm not sure we want to admit to trespassing and
00:27:16theft do we it's a fair point the best way to take advantage of this little windfall is to
00:27:20pull apart every idea they've got poor scorn on every word they say this afternoon
00:27:27we've got it all worked out right tony absolutely no question it's ours
00:27:38never pays to think something's definitively yours in my experience
00:27:44let's not rest on our laurels just yet
00:27:51emotions are riding high in rutger in the battle for control of the central
00:27:55southwest television region the franchise holder carinium will go head to head at a public meeting
00:28:00with new consortium venturer led by tv presenter declan o'hara mp and former olympian show jumper
00:28:07rupert campbell black and tech wizard freddie jones they've got the charm but can they convince the
00:28:14iba that they've got the chops to catch the crumb
00:28:21when two tribes go to war point is all that you can score
00:28:28when two tribes go to war point is all that you can score
00:28:41i've given you back good time
00:28:44I ship it out
00:28:46I'll take it for the black guys
00:28:51I'm afraid it's all you can score
00:28:56When two times go to war
00:29:33Why the candles? Are we on television?
00:29:35I was for the evening news
00:29:36Don't stare at them and they'll look like a game show
00:29:39Oh look there's Charles
00:29:40Hello Charles
00:29:41Henry, try and remember who's on whose side
00:29:47If you need help, just ask
00:29:49You can get on that room
00:29:52Good idea
00:30:00We know coming to Carinium, I don't understand
00:30:03This is not, it's daddy's big day
00:30:05I'm here to support him
00:30:11Let's go and find a seat
00:30:12Oh no no, you're up here with us
00:30:15A rags-hags sort of bunch, aren't they?
00:30:17Spent half the time fighting each other apparently
00:30:20Embarrassing
00:30:21Well we can talk with it
00:30:30Goodness, all human life is here
00:30:33Mostly pond life over that time
00:30:36What the hell is B.T. Johnson doing here?
00:30:42Hello darling
00:30:49Is everything okay?
00:30:54Love you
00:30:58Ladies and gentlemen
00:31:00The meeting is about to begin
00:31:30This consultation aims simply to determine if the new company Venturer
00:31:31With a very tight perm
00:31:34Can I please ask both teams
00:31:36When you're going to start showing bingo on the telly?
00:31:40Well, we're absolutely committed to bringing as many different sports to the viewing public
00:31:45So if there's an appetite for bingo, absolutely
00:31:47Ah yes, I was rather wondering if James might sign my blouse
00:31:53Yes, my company's been developing satellite television for a while now
00:31:56Dishy Daniel won't be leaving four men winter mode this next series
00:32:01But Venturer, we've got plans to show Polo
00:32:04I'm sorry that the Chipping Sodbury W.I. feel we've disproportionately covered news from Cotchester
00:32:08So Venturer are going to harvest this technology for domestic use
00:32:12That's something that we've got and corinium haven't
00:32:14Oh, and yes, I would be delighted to sign your blouse
00:32:20We'll ensure he removes his shirt at least once an episode
00:32:27Yeah, we'll keep it on the network if it's popular
00:32:30Well, um, I'll respond to that if I may
00:32:34The underdog team over there might expect to retain all of your favorite programs
00:32:38But I'm afraid they belong to corinium
00:32:43Cots will round up, ladies and gentlemen
00:32:45Imagine a world without that sofa, James
00:32:49No master dog, no Dorothy Dove
00:32:53And, ladies and gentlemen, what that means
00:32:57Is no more four men went to mow
00:33:00Sorry lads, what a dreary prospect
00:33:04And what about the future?
00:33:07Our newest output brings us to a whole new frontier of entertainment
00:33:12Most imminently, we're replacing our tired old talk show Declan
00:33:16with a brand new format
00:33:19and a new presenter
00:33:21joining Sarah Stratton
00:33:22in her first ever television job
00:33:25Celebrity gossip columnist B.T. Johnson
00:33:34Heading up uncensored
00:33:37The naughtiest, most gossipy show on the independent network
00:33:43Because that's what we do at Carinium
00:33:47We serve you the television you want
00:33:50Your station
00:33:52Now and always
00:33:57Because who wants to feel like their television station
00:34:00Is some rich man's second hobby
00:34:04Honestly, what does Rupert Campbell Black know about broadcasting?
00:34:14I know people
00:34:17I know this area from representing you all in parliament
00:34:20I've knocked on a damn sight more doors than Tony Battingham has
00:34:24And look at the audience that have come today to support Ventura
00:34:29We've got a Cotchester council gardening team
00:34:31The Chipping Sodbury WI
00:34:34Bisley ballroom dancers
00:34:35The headmaster from Rugbra and the lads
00:34:38From Cotchester Rugby Football Club
00:34:40Yeah
00:34:40Ventura, Ventura, Ventura
00:34:44They know a good team when they see one
00:34:46This lot, a team?
00:34:48A team?
00:34:48Ask Rupert where he got that bruise
00:34:51There are a bunch of amateurs
00:34:54Brawling and bruising and bedding other people's wives
00:34:59The drama should be on the screen
00:35:02Not off it
00:35:13No, you're right
00:35:17They do deserve better
00:35:25You deserve better
00:35:29You all
00:35:31deserve better than the shice Tony Battingham's been pumping into your living rooms for all these years
00:35:38You deserve better than endless quiz shows
00:35:41that cost nothing to make and nourish nobody's soul
00:35:45Yes, they have a good drama, but one
00:35:48one good drama we will make dozens
00:35:52There will be venture shows all over the network so you can be proud of the work that comes out
00:35:58of the central southwest
00:36:01We're not in this to make money
00:36:03We are in this to make joy
00:36:08Because what is television for?
00:36:11I don't think Tony Battingham's asked himself that in a very long time
00:36:16Christ it shows
00:36:18You know what I think it's for
00:36:22community
00:36:24People used to sit around the fire for their stories
00:36:29Now we sit around the television
00:36:31We point our chairs at the corner of the room and that is where we commune
00:36:38Television has the power to bring us together
00:36:42To help us forgive each other
00:36:47And we've had a stupid fight
00:36:53To give us a window
00:36:55To give us a window
00:36:56Into others lives
00:36:59To bring new ideas
00:37:01Into our homes
00:37:05It is I believe
00:37:07The greatest art form man has created
00:37:11I got into this business
00:37:13Many years ago
00:37:14In the pursuit of truth
00:37:17And integrity
00:37:20And I still believe in both
00:37:23And you deserve better
00:37:27And we will move mountains to give you better
00:37:30If you put your faith in us and give us a chance
00:37:41It is I mean
00:37:44A
00:37:44It is
00:37:52If you have more stuff
00:38:01A幕
00:38:02And
00:38:02It
00:38:02is
00:38:08I've spent months fighting this. When does it ever stop?
00:38:11We don't know the verdict yet.
00:38:13Oh, Christ, you see Gosling's wizened face
00:38:15light up at Declan's blarney lyricism.
00:38:17Then we have the swear campaign.
00:38:19More scandal, more dirt.
00:38:21Ginger, you wouldn't know dirt if it shut itself into your face.
00:38:24Do you have any idea of the size of dirt you've managed to miss this week?
00:38:26You are supposed to be my fucking eyes and ears.
00:38:30Get better reports on Helen fucking Keller!
00:38:37Well done, darling.
00:38:39Thank you, sweetheart.
00:38:46I meant what I said.
00:38:48I just hope that it won't actually happen.
00:38:50You were just brilliant. Everybody loved it.
00:38:52Thank you, sir, Alan.
00:38:55Where's he got all these people?
00:38:56Hello, Agatha.
00:38:57Bet you didn't expect this lot.
00:38:59Sorry we're a bit rowdy with you.
00:39:02This is from all of us.
00:39:04Yeah, Rupert.
00:39:05I reckon she's the keeper, don't you?
00:39:08Oh, mate, she's our top striker.
00:39:15We did good, right? We did okay.
00:39:17Hey.
00:39:18Hey.
00:39:20It's all back to yours, apparently.
00:39:21Ah, apparently.
00:39:41And why didn't you tell me he was bringing in B.T.?
00:39:43I didn't know.
00:39:44I don't know what the hell he's doing.
00:39:46Something's going on with him.
00:39:47He knows something, or I...
00:39:49It's okay.
00:39:50We're going to win this.
00:39:55And what if we don't?
00:39:56I'll look after you, whatever happens.
00:39:58Okay?
00:39:59Promise.
00:40:00Can you come to the Priory?
00:40:04I'm supposed to be here,
00:40:05but I'll slip away if I can.
00:40:17Come on, Sarah.
00:40:19Lizzie.
00:40:20Lizzie, listen.
00:40:21Sarah's not coming out.
00:40:23Did you just go in and see she's all right?
00:40:25Oh.
00:40:26I think you could go in
00:40:28if it's your wife, Paul.
00:40:29What can't we see coming out of the ladies?
00:40:31I'm a member of parliament.
00:40:32Look, let's go grab a drink.
00:40:33The womenfolk can join us later.
00:40:55Sarah?
00:40:56Are you all there?
00:41:00Um, I must have eaten something.
00:41:06Nerves.
00:41:09That woman.
00:41:11Why has he put me with her?
00:41:14My big chance, and then it's her.
00:41:18Bloody Tony.
00:41:20Do you know, I spent my life running around
00:41:22after these men who just can't be trusted.
00:41:24And they have all the power.
00:41:27They just squeeze us out like toothpaste.
00:41:30Not even toothpaste.
00:41:32They don't need us at all.
00:41:33Oh, I think they do.
00:41:37But fuck them, right?
00:41:42We should stop putting them first.
00:41:46Do what we want.
00:41:48Not just the right thing.
00:41:50All the time.
00:41:54I'm not sure I've ever done the right thing.
00:42:01I've got to go.
00:42:02Your husband's looking for you.
00:42:12Thought I told you to fuck off.
00:42:16No, darling.
00:42:17It's me.
00:42:26I'm here to say, come home.
00:42:31Archie's waiting in the car.
00:42:32Why do I have to bring the boy
00:42:34to see his father being humiliated?
00:42:36We both know it's not that you're angry about.
00:42:40But perhaps this is a test.
00:42:45It's time for you to decide.
00:42:48I've been loyal all of these years,
00:42:51but even my stoicism has a limit.
00:42:54So do be careful.
00:42:57Come home tonight and let's talk about it.
00:43:02Because if you don't,
00:43:05I'll take the children to my sisters in the morning.
00:43:18It would be rather a thing
00:43:20to win it, though, wouldn't it?
00:43:23I love you guys.
00:43:25I need nothing, Nick.
00:43:39Legs on that end.
00:43:41I think I might be in there.
00:43:42You fucking idiot.
00:43:45What if Declan finds out?
00:43:46Not to mention he's a friend,
00:43:48and it's wrong.
00:43:49You've never objected
00:43:50to a bit of wife-sitting before.
00:43:56Goodness, when did you get
00:43:57so morally fibrous?
00:44:00Damien, it's on the piano.
00:44:01She's fucking amazing.
00:44:07So, what happens now?
00:44:09We're just waiting on Lady Gosling
00:44:10to call to save.
00:44:11We're through to the next round.
00:44:13You sure you can't stay?
00:44:15Yeah.
00:44:15I've had a lovely time,
00:44:17but they're tired,
00:44:18so I'll take them home.
00:44:21Fingers crossed.
00:44:23Thank you, darling.
00:44:24Thanks for coming.
00:44:25I'm really proud of you, Fred Fred.
00:44:35Love you.
00:44:38Stop slouching, Sharon.
00:44:39You look like a potato.
00:44:46Turn around, right eye.
00:44:49Every now and then I fall apart.
00:44:52Turn around, right eye.
00:44:55Every now and then I fall apart.
00:44:58And I need you now tonight.
00:44:59Have another drink.
00:45:00Sit down.
00:45:01Relax.
00:45:01And I need you more than ever.
00:45:05And if you won't be home in time.
00:45:09We'll be home in the home forever.
00:45:13Yes.
00:45:14That's just getting right.
00:45:16And we'll never be wrong together.
00:45:19We can make it to the end of the time.
00:45:22Your love's in your shadow on the end of the time.
00:45:27I don't know what to do when I'm always in the dark.
00:45:31Living in a powder keg and giving off balls.
00:45:34I really need you tonight.
00:45:38Forever is going to start tonight.
00:45:41Forever is going to start tonight.
00:45:45Hello.
00:45:47Hello.
00:45:48Now I'm only falling apart.
00:45:52There's nothing I can do.
00:45:55A total eclipse of the heart.
00:46:01A total eclipse of the heart.
00:46:09A total eclipse of the heart.
00:46:12A total eclipse of the heart.
00:46:12I'm still a bloody black.
00:46:15Do you think you'll get it?
00:46:17Lots of hurdles to jump yet.
00:46:19I think we did a really good job tonight.
00:46:24So is this a night off then?
00:46:40Have you got any idea how fucking beautiful you are?
00:46:59How are you?
00:47:01Surprisingly well, frankly.
00:47:04Mother knew me this morning.
00:47:07First time in months.
00:47:08It made me feel like life is possible.
00:47:13And I wanted to say to you that even if you can't love me then I think friends would be
00:47:18rather nice.
00:47:25Charles, I think I found someone to marry.
00:47:29Goodness.
00:47:30Yes.
00:47:31Well, she's a nice girl from a good family and she likes me in the right way.
00:47:39Do you like her?
00:47:41I think we'd get on rather well.
00:47:44I really think I could bear to be married to her.
00:47:46Especially if it meant everyone would stop asking me why I'm not married.
00:47:50It'll give me the respectability I need for my career and then we can meet together.
00:47:58Still in secret.
00:48:03But safe.
00:48:12I don't know if I can live without this.
00:48:16Without you.
00:48:22I could.
00:48:29And you can live without this.
00:48:32Yes, my God.
00:48:45And I hope that you have with me.
00:48:54I've never done this before.
00:48:57What's this?
00:48:58They're adultery.
00:49:00I've written about it a lot.
00:49:03I've never met anyone I wanted to do it with before.
00:49:36It's so nice to feel soft we're becoming hard with.
00:49:55I'm going to declare this an area of outstanding, natural beauty.
00:50:23I'm going to declare this an area of outstanding beauty.
00:50:40What's going on?
00:50:44I'm going to Linden.
00:50:47Malhar offered me a part in a doll's house.
00:50:52I thought you didn't get it.
00:50:54It's a different part.
00:50:57It's the maid.
00:50:58You're playing the maid?
00:51:00Yeah.
00:51:02Declan, yeah.
00:51:06Because, as it turns out, I'm not a star anymore.
00:51:12As it turns out, I spent too long following you around.
00:51:18For wherever you wanted to be.
00:51:21There for the children so that you get to do what you want to do.
00:51:26I want to work.
00:51:33I want to work.
00:51:34I need to work.
00:51:36And you, of all people, should understand that.
00:51:47And if you'd been even remotely available to me recently, you would have been part of that decision, but you
00:51:54weren't.
00:51:56So I made it myself.
00:52:08We need you here, love.
00:52:12You actually don't.
00:52:15Good luck with the franchise bit.
00:52:18Mummy.
00:52:18Tag, stop her.
00:52:19She said she's going to London to do a fucking play.
00:52:21I am going to London to do a fucking play.
00:52:25And I should never have left it this long.
00:52:30Goodbye, my sweetheart.
00:52:36Please don't go.
00:52:38Maud, please.
00:52:51Does she get that?
00:53:04Hello?
00:53:06Yes, hi, Lady Gosling.
00:53:09No, no, of course no.
00:53:10I appreciate your calling.
00:53:36Later tonight, the battle of the central southwest television region is on.
00:53:41Incumbent company, Carinium, now being challenged by Venturer, headed by Carinium's biggest star, Declan O'Hara.
00:53:49Along with ex-show jumper and minister for sport, Rupert Campbell Black,
00:53:53day's meeting was to decide if Venturer has the capacity to be a serious contender for the franchise.
00:54:12Leaving already?
00:54:18Do you want to pop to my office for what never asked me that before
00:54:43How long have you been
00:54:44sleeping was Rupert Campbell Black
00:55:35I was spying on him on Venturer oh
00:55:40so what information did you fuck out of him for me turns out I'm not a very good spy I
00:55:46don't fucking
00:55:47goad me there is no one in the world you could sleep with that he is the worst man in
00:55:56the world
00:55:57you knew that oh you fucking reek of him
00:56:09I'll give it whatever you want I'll bring my solicitor tomorrow I'll start the divorce
00:56:14I'll do anything just swear you will never let that man touch you again just let me have this one
00:56:21please
00:56:25I'm sorry
00:56:31I will sack you so hard
00:56:33you can't sack me I'm resigning
00:56:36your visa's tied to your job darling
00:56:38I'll make sure you're on the first plane back to America
00:56:41yeah
00:56:42well I will marry Rupert then I can stay
00:56:50venture might have won this battle
00:56:52have they won the war that's the question on everyone's lips
00:56:56they have been successful putting together an impressive
00:56:59pool comprising the great and the good
00:57:02on Russia
00:57:03people used to sit around the fire
00:57:06for their stories
00:57:08now we sit around the television
00:57:11that is where we commune
00:57:13television has the power to bring us together
00:57:16fuck you
00:57:22to help us forgive each other
00:57:25we've had a stupid fight
00:57:28to give us a window
00:57:30into others lives
00:57:31to bring
00:57:32new ideas
00:57:34into our homes
00:57:36where's mummy
00:57:37it is
00:57:38I believe
00:57:39the greatest art form a man has created
00:57:44hi
00:57:45hi
00:57:48come on
00:58:01Seb's a nice boy
00:58:03you alright
00:58:04yeah he's lovely
00:58:06he's a good sort
00:58:07yeah
00:58:10only he's not you
00:58:20I don't know why I just said that
00:58:23I think I'm tired
00:58:31it's the franchise
00:58:33I cannot
00:58:35I'm trapped I can't get out of here
00:58:37I'm not asking you to
00:58:41she's not you
00:58:45I can't breathe without you
00:58:53you
00:59:14that's a nice one
00:59:17you
00:59:17but I haven't so many sources
00:59:41First ever television job.
00:59:44Celebrity gossip columnist Beatty Johnson, tearing up uncensored.
00:59:50The naughtiest, the most gossipy show on the independent level.
00:59:57Because that's what we do at Carinion.
01:00:01We serve you the television you want, your station, now and always.
01:00:28We serve you the television you are please.
01:00:31Let's talk to us.
01:00:35We've moved across the world to be a good man.
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