Rivals - Season 2 Episode 3 | English Sub
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✨ Welcome to Asian Cinema ✨
Your ultimate destination for the best Asian Drama (C-Dramas) with English Subtitles. We bring you the most popular Asian TV shows filled with romance, passion, history, and martial arts action.
🎬 On Asian Cinema, you’ll enjoy:
Asian dramas with English Subtitles (Eng Sub)
Wuxia & Historical Martial Arts series
Romantic, fantasy, and youth C-Dramas
Fast updates with high-quality English-subbed episodes
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Short filmTranscript
00:03Tonight we peek behind the curtains and pull back the bedsheets to reveal the truth about Rupert Campbell Black.
00:10On the night before he asks voters to elect him Member of Parliament for Chalford and Bisley,
00:15we ask how a man like this gains a free pass to the highest offices in the land.
00:20Rupert Campbell Black, showjumper and showman, charlatan and conman,
00:25catapulted into a safe seat, he now enjoys an unusually close relationship with the man.
00:30Well, this is news.
00:34Tony said we were doing Joan Collins this week.
00:57Oh, Christ.
01:00So, Melanie Hamilton, you know she used to get me to spank her, call the hairbrush, daddy.
01:06God, Peter.
01:07Earlier, I interviewed a woman who was a participant at a group sex session in a Soho art studio in
01:14the mid-60s.
01:15Roll the tape.
01:16Can you tell me who was present on that particular occasion?
01:20A number of rock stars.
01:21At least one of them was in the Stones.
01:24A couple of footballers.
01:25The American actor, Johnny...
01:27Johnny Friedlander?
01:28Yes.
01:29And Rupert Campbell Black.
01:31You don't forget that silky voice.
01:33And did Mr. Campbell Black engage in the group sex enthusiastically?
01:38No one was disappointed, put it that way.
01:41And I have to ask, in this age of AIDS, was anyone there using protection?
01:47Protection.
01:48We were all high as kites.
01:50I've always said Fred, Fred.
01:52Now he's going to give us all AIDS.
01:54And this...
01:55...sexual deviance was cited in their divorce proceedings by his ex-wife, Helen.
02:00I'm not talking about him, okay?
02:01Please get off my driveway.
02:02Can I ask...
02:02Get off my driveway!
02:04Mrs. Gordon!
02:05Oh my...
02:06Mrs. Gordon!
02:08I think that's no comment.
02:10Helen Gordon, previously Helen Campbell Black,
02:12was involved in a foursome with Campbell Black and his show-jumping teammates
02:16while on holiday in Kenya.
02:18What's a foursome?
02:18What are you doing out of bed?
02:20Plus, we can now...
02:22It is another word for a quartet.
02:26At the same time as seducing Carinium's former controller of programs, Cameron Cook,
02:32Mr. Campbell Black hunted closer to home,
02:34beginning a relationship with Declan O'Hara's daughter, Agatha,
02:37a girl 17 years, his junior.
02:39For fuck's sake.
02:40Picking the question, what sort of a man preys upon the young daughter of his colleague and friend?
02:46So, what does the Prime Minister think of the politician once referred to as her blue-eyed boy?
02:52Unfortunately, no one from Mrs. Thatcher's office was available to comment.
02:56But Campbell Black doesn't seem to return her regard in this recording from 1985.
03:01Well, Kate.
03:02You know why they call her Milk Snatcher?
03:04It's not taking dairy products from kids.
03:06It's because she's got a milky sn...
03:10With the polls opening in ten hours,
03:12we ask, how can a pervert and sexual deviant like Rupert Campbell Black
03:17be allowed to represent the fine people of Great Britain?
03:23Fuuuuuck!
03:25Fuuuuuck!
03:26Mm.
03:32.
03:32.
03:33Oh.
03:33Oh, oh, oh.
04:03Oh, oh, oh.
04:33You've got to play around until you will find that there comes a time for making your mind up.
04:41You've got to turn it on and then you've got to put it out.
04:46You've got to be sure that it's something everybody's going to talk to.
04:50Nobody is there.
04:52You've got to decide that the time's right for making your mind up.
04:59We're here at the home of Mr. Rupert Campbell Black, minute of a sport and subject of last
05:04night's extraordinary unscented allegations.
05:06We're going to try and get a few words from him as he arrives and is home today on election
05:11day.
05:11Mr. Campbell Black, hello this morning, Mr. Campbell Black.
05:14Any comments on the Uncensored documentation last night?
05:16Oh, my...
05:17Oh, good morning, everyone.
05:18Happy election.
05:18They don't look too disappointed.
05:20Any comments on Uncensored last night?
05:24Morning.
05:27Message from CCHQ says we press ahead with Rupert's scheduled appearances today.
05:31No reference to the broadcast.
05:32Everything pointed towards getting out of vote.
05:35How's he doing?
05:36I tried to call, but...
05:37See for yourself.
05:38As the country heads to the polls today for the general election, the question on everyone's
05:43lips isn't whether or not Mrs. Thatcher's conservative government can hold on to power, but how can
05:49Rupert Campbell Black ever come back from such a destructive expose?
05:57Has he been drinking all morning?
05:59He's been drinking all night.
06:01He hasn't been to bed.
06:02But it's election day.
06:04Yep.
06:05Can you persuade him to stop?
06:08Really?
06:13I'm going to call Helen again.
06:14Oh, he's been trying out all morning.
06:16She's going to go form a dare on me after this.
06:34Yeah.
06:36Rupert, please.
06:37Rupert!
06:42Rupert!
06:43That's one.
06:45That's one.
06:45That's one.
06:46That's one.
06:47That's one.
06:47That's one.
06:48That's one.
06:48That's one.
06:48Minister, any comments on uncensored last night?
06:50What do you mean?
06:51Any comments on uncensored last night?
06:53What do you mean?
06:53Beautiful morning, ladies and gentlemen.
07:00Don't forget to vote.
07:29I'm going to pick up Caitlyn from school.
07:31All right.
07:37Is this journalism her, Daddy?
07:39Destroying people's private lives.
07:40I mean, the things she said about him.
07:42Beatty is not the brilliant journalist she thinks she is.
07:46God, I hate that he got you caught up in all this.
07:51What's it mean for Ventra?
07:54Don't know, love.
07:57Don't know.
08:00I'm disappointed, Tony.
08:03You do things like this in my name as well as yours.
08:05We're a partnership, a unit, and we're strong.
08:08And we agreed that you wouldn't deal in dirty tricks any longer.
08:12I know you and Rupert have your differences, but his poor wife and children.
08:16Who's that?
08:17That's your present.
08:28Oh, Tony.
08:30Happy anniversary, Tony.
08:32Oh, but it's not until Tuesday.
08:34I got in early.
08:36I thought you couldn't stand peacocks.
08:38You always say they look like rats in ballgowns.
08:41The Faulconry has been without peacocks since you were a deb.
08:44It's taken me far too long to set it right.
08:46Mummy would be thrilled.
08:48No.
08:50I'll need to be careful not to speed up the drive later.
08:52I haven't got you anything yet.
08:56Why don't you come to a doll's house with me this evening?
08:59I'll shout you an ice cream in the interval.
09:01You want me to enjoy an evening of Ibsen on the day of the general election?
09:04Well, there's no point sitting on the sofa waiting for the polls to close.
09:07We'll spend the evening together.
09:10It'll be good.
09:13Well, you know how I love the theatre.
09:33You can't stop me seeing my children, Helen.
09:36I swear to God, I'll break this down.
09:40Stand down.
09:42Do you mind removing your bloody finger from my doorbell?
09:47Please.
09:49Helen's at school with Tabitha.
09:51I don't suppose you're aware of anything as parochial as the date of your daughter's sports day.
09:56You're not running in the father's race.
09:58I don't qualify.
10:03You haven't been to bed, have you?
10:05You know what?
10:06I'm not taking a lecture from you today, Melise.
10:08Fuck you.
10:08Fuck Helen.
10:09I need to see my children.
10:11I'm their father.
10:12Have you forgotten what that's like?
10:28Don't you dare talk to me about being a father.
10:33You need to sober up.
10:39How come you didn't know what he was planning?
10:40I can't manage Mother by myself anymore.
10:43I've been off work moving her into a home.
10:46Tony has been so kind.
10:48He told me to take off all the time that I needed, even when we had an episode of Uncensored
10:52to prep.
10:52Kind or strategic.
10:54I thought he was being supportive, subterfuge, as extremely stressful, you know.
10:58We need to get you back to work.
11:00Find out what Tony's doing next.
11:01But he's got what he wants.
11:03Rupert's on his knees.
11:04That'll never be enough for Tony.
11:07He'll be coming for the rest of us.
11:11Do you think so?
11:12What do you mean?
11:16Fiendish of you to have a technical run of the bed the whole time.
11:19Oh, it's amazing what men will spill after they've spilled.
11:23What can I say?
11:24You truly are guardian of the nation's morals.
11:28Oh, we aim to please.
11:29You're about as keen to please as a nuclear warhead.
11:32As you say, Tony, I'm a public servant.
11:34You're a public toilet.
11:37You don't think it was a bit cruel?
11:39You don't know what he did to me?
11:41Proportionate response, Joyce.
11:43Good night's work, everyone.
11:44On we go.
11:49Are you hungry?
11:52A big kill like this always makes me voracious.
11:55I could murder a martini and a bloody steak.
11:59I know.
12:00A little hotel.
12:03Very discreet.
12:05We'd be back in plenty of time for the election special.
12:10What an enticing offer.
12:12I'm afraid I'm going to the theater with my wife tonight.
12:24That bump to the head really did change you, Tony.
12:30Elegantly handled.
12:31It's like prising off a scorpion before it stings you.
12:37All right, quiet down, everyone.
12:41I'm sorry that our first Venture Board meeting is being convened at a moment of crisis.
12:46Let's make this an orderly discussion.
12:48I know how these things can get emotional.
12:51So, Declan?
12:52Thank you, Freddie.
12:53So, bad news first.
12:57The BBC have dropped our Yates documentary.
13:00Oh, what?
13:01They can't be tainted by association.
13:04Also, I've had word from Charles that Lady Gosling would like to speak to me about the franchise bit.
13:09Is anyone else going to say it?
13:12Rupert should resign from the board.
13:14No.
13:15Now, hold on a minute.
13:16The IBA is run by a woman.
13:17And as a woman, I have to say that some of the comments we heard on the television last night
13:21were very hard to stomach.
13:23They were private comments.
13:25He didn't know Beattie had a tape recorder under the bed.
13:27She liked him talking about other women he'd been with.
13:29It was her thing.
13:30If this were anybody else, wouldn't we be demanding that they resign?
13:34As a group, what values do we stand for?
13:39All right, come on.
13:43Easy there.
13:44Easy.
13:46So, we'll go in the order they're called.
13:48James, James.
13:49Hmm?
13:49Probably Cochester first, then Rutminster.
13:51Rutminster, Gloucester, Chalford and Bisley.
13:54Big swing for the Tories.
13:55We have Beattie Johnson presenting the show.
13:57Watch your feet there.
13:58And James Verica, of course, back on his trusty swing-o-meter.
14:02Everyone, this is Mrs Mingus Scott, who's joining Lady Gosling on the board of the IBA.
14:07After a ten-year stint, chairing the Women's Institute.
14:11So, used to making big decisions.
14:14All set for tonight, gang?
14:15Yes, hopefully I won't have to do too much swinging this evening, Lady Gosling.
14:19And, um, Reverend Penny.
14:20Congratulations on your Campbell Black expose, Miss Johnson.
14:24I will end the haughtiness of the arrogant and lay low the pride of the ruthless.
14:29Let he that is without sin cast the first stone.
14:33Well, thank goodness that Campbell Black chose that little venturer set up over the Carinium
14:37board.
14:38I'm sure the IBA will align with the public to take a stern view on his behaviour.
14:42I shall be speaking to Mr O'Hara in due course.
14:44One thing I'm curious about, Lord Battingham.
14:46Yes?
14:47As a prominent supporter of the government, isn't it rather an own goal to demolish Campbell
14:51Black's reputation the night before the country goes to the polls?
14:55Well, Sally, as someone who cares deeply about the reputation of our political system, I would
14:59say it's paramount we make it clear to the country that we see no place for behaviour like
15:05Campbell Black's in the modern government, which is, of course, bigger than any individual
15:10member.
15:11Can't help thinking Mrs Thatcher would agree.
15:14Rupert always had a rapier wit.
15:16Milk snatcher.
15:18I spat out my sherry.
15:26Archie's been writing to me at school.
15:28Archie Bunningham?
15:29Caitlin.
15:29He sent me a mixtape.
15:30It's mostly metal, but he also put Caravan of Love on it, so either he loves me or he wants
15:34to have sex in a caravan.
15:36It's not just Rupert's reputation.
15:38If he's losing us work, it's a problem.
15:40I'm here to make telly.
15:42The Yates programme is your baby.
15:43We sell it somewhere else, Mike.
15:45Will anyone else take it now?
15:46I've had the Archbishop of Canterbury on the phone.
15:49This is a very difficult position for those of us on the board as moral advisers.
15:55Aye, so I'll just rubbish anyway.
15:57Well, it's actually all true, Wes.
15:58I was at that party with Johnny Friedlander, and believe me, Rupert's never been monogamous
16:02in his life.
16:04I mean, until now.
16:06So even the tree woman at once thing?
16:08Well, it sounds jolly-tying.
16:09Look at you.
16:11You're all as bad as each other, snickering schoolboys.
16:14Okay, I think it should take more than a carinium smear campaign to pull us apart.
16:19Freddie, you're very quiet.
16:22We'll struggle to do it without Rupert.
16:25It's not just a profile.
16:27We need his financial stake.
16:30What?
16:30But a good public reputation is crucial for a company, and Rupert's flushed ours down
16:36the cars.
16:39I spoke to my father.
16:41What did he say?
16:44Tashi?
16:45What did he say?
16:49Rupert's融資 part of Rupert's融資 part of Rupert's stake, but he needs to know that
17:05he's not part of the company anymore.
17:08phone, Daddy.
17:10Not now, sweetheart.
17:11It is for me.
17:12She says it's urgent.
17:14Go.
17:15Just press pause, okay?
17:21I got a tag.
17:23Hello, love.
17:24Natalie Pro has got food poisoning.
17:26She can't go on tonight.
17:27Amad, darling, I really can't.
17:29I'm going on for her.
17:31To play.
17:33No more.
17:34I can come.
17:36If you got in the car now, you'd make curtain up.
17:38Have you seen the newspapers?
17:41It's Rupert.
17:42He's always in some scrape or other.
17:44I need you.
17:46Please.
17:47Don't worry, love.
17:48You'll be wonderful.
17:49My guys are tearing each other to bits here.
17:51If I leave now, the company could crumble.
17:53What?
17:53You're not coming.
17:54It's Venturer, love.
18:00But it's not dishonest, is it?
18:02Rupert is just Rupert.
18:04Always has been.
18:04Take it or leave it.
18:05I mean, I personally think people find it refreshing.
18:07The Archbishop doesn't.
18:09Doesn't he have anything better to do?
18:10I mean, how narrow-minded and prurient do you have to be to think this is a problem?
18:14How thoughtless and ignorant do you have to be to think it isn't?
18:17I thought you were a bohemian.
18:18Who here doesn't have a part?
18:19Not one that B.T. Johnson would be interested in.
18:21Well, I don't imagine she gets down to Glyndebourne, man.
18:23I'm sorry.
18:24It's him or me.
18:25Hey, whatever happened to loyalty?
18:26Cameron.
18:27Us against the world?
18:28Are we going to take this?
18:30Let's face it, a direct attack from Tony Battingham, are we going to take it lying down?
18:34I'm all for love and forgiveness, but I simply don't see how our franchise bid can survive this.
18:39What about we just take a vote?
18:40Democracy in action.
18:42Fuck democracy!
18:48You know what I mean.
18:50You can abstain, Cameron.
18:53You better go while we vote.
18:56Mike, Patrick, you're not on the board, so you should step out as well.
19:01This isn't the venturer I signed up for.
19:09Rupert would swim through shark-infested water for any one of you if this were the other way around.
19:14Whatever you decide, please, God, have the grace to wait until after the election
19:18before you tell him he's been subjected to another vote.
19:27Are you okay?
19:29This is such a fucking mess.
19:32Why do you defend him?
19:33Because I love him.
19:36Because he fought for me.
19:38Now is my time to fight for him.
19:45Okay.
19:48How do we do this?
20:07Coffee?
20:09No, thank you.
20:10It's not a question.
20:12Sit.
20:15The Times, the Telegraph, Today, the Mail, the Mirror, the Scorpion.
20:20You're on the front page of all of them.
20:23Photographers have already set up camp outside waiting for you to leave.
20:27Glad to see you've dressed up for my dressing down.
20:29For God's sake, Rupert, grow up!
20:35We're all tired of the wanton schoolboy playing everything for a laugh.
20:41Might have been endearing in a young buck, but in a man nearing 40, I'm afraid it's long ago passed
20:48over into...
20:51Pathetic.
20:52Right.
20:54Needless to say, Helen's furious.
20:57Needless to say.
20:58Oh, she knew you'd been unfaithful to her during the marriage, but she had no idea of the scale of
21:04her humiliation.
21:04Thank God you saved her from me.
21:08We both know I didn't take Helen from you.
21:12You'd broken her a long time before I put her back together.
21:17And I'm damned if I'll let you break her again.
21:20Oh, come on, Melise.
21:22Who doesn't have their sexual peccadillas?
21:25I know Helen's tastes are pretty vanilla, but I'm sure you've used your riding crop on her a couple of
21:28times.
21:29Your daughter was in tears this morning.
21:32Because she's afraid that you're going to die of AIDS.
21:39You've lost your wife, and you're about to lose your children.
21:43Because you can't keep your bloody cock inside your trousers.
21:47Of course, the irony in all that is...
21:53Is that I have stopped.
21:55Everything she exposed in that broadcast was years ago.
21:58Not really.
22:00Sarah Stratton, Natalie Perrault.
22:03Months ago, and...
22:06They were the last.
22:11I'm not excusing what's happened, but...
22:16Beauty let me confide in her at a time when I needed to, and I had no idea she was
22:22recording every word of it to use against me later.
22:25Of course, I told her hundreds of good things about Helen, but...
22:28They didn't broadcast any of that, but...
22:31Don't worry.
22:33I'll get what I deserve.
22:36I'm going to lose my seat tonight.
22:38Yes, most likely.
22:40But you've been dropped from the national team before and bounced back.
22:44You learned then, didn't you?
22:46Pulled yourself together.
22:48And Timmy died.
22:54I swore if I couldn't look after him, I'd take good care of the young riders on the team.
22:59Keep you close.
23:01Stop you repeating your mistakes again and again.
23:05But of course, it was hopeless.
23:08I used to blame myself.
23:11But the rot in you had set in long before I came on the scene.
23:15Your father gave you the worst possible example.
23:18You can do better for your children.
23:21They love you, the poor little buggers.
23:27For me?
23:30Put these on, and go and cast your vote with dignity.
23:56I hope I can count on your vote, Willis.
24:01I shall be voting for the Liberals.
24:13Oh, Natalie's not on tonight.
24:15Tonight the Aurora will be played by Maud O'Hara.
24:18Oh, God, it gets worse.
24:19Let's just go for dinner.
24:20Oh, no, no.
24:21Let's go for a chance.
24:22Now we're here.
24:23We'd only be at home waiting for the results.
24:25Oh, darling.
24:26Oh.
24:30Later tonight, we'll be bringing you all the live updates from the central southwest region.
24:35Plus, in-depth analysis of the results as they come in.
24:38Served with a generous helping of Carilion Charm.
24:41Look, there's Daddy.
24:43But first, let's go over to the ITN newsroom.
24:46Good evening.
24:47The campaigns are over.
24:49The polls are open.
24:51Three hours to go until 30.
24:52So, you'll be speaking to the leaders of the newsroom.
24:58I know I shouldn't be here.
24:59I just wanted to talk to you.
25:01It's been a terrible day.
25:05I thought if James was on the telly, he couldn't be here.
25:08So...
25:10Well, I'm cooking supper for the children.
25:13Of course.
25:14I'm sorry.
25:15Is that a potato waffle?
25:17Mm-hmm.
25:17Because, um...
25:20I haven't eaten all day.
25:23We've been arguing about Rupert.
25:25Oh.
25:25Declan's head has put it to a vote.
25:27Oh.
25:28What did you do?
25:30I voted for Rupert to stay.
25:31Oh, good.
25:32Of course, he's behaved awfully, but I've always felt it's our job as his friends to stay loyal,
25:37to steer him onto the path.
25:40We've all done things.
25:44I knew you was going to say something wise like that.
25:48Val was worried he's going to invite us in for a threesome,
25:50so she's ripped out all the Pampers grass, just in case.
25:54But Rupert's staying.
25:56Well, Declan's got the casting vote.
25:58I left him to it.
25:59It didn't feel right.
26:00Mummy!
26:04I'm going to go home.
26:10Where do you stand on fish fingers?
26:14I can't get enough of them.
26:22I can't get enough of them.
26:23OK, come on upstairs now for teeth brushing, please.
26:28You better listen to your mum or all your teeth will fall out.
26:32Oh, no.
26:33I've got no teeth.
26:36Where's your teeth going?
26:38You're funny, Mr Jones.
26:40Thank you, Mr Verica.
26:41I'm Sebastian.
26:43Well, I'm Freddie.
26:44Freddie!
26:45OK, upstairs now.
26:50Why are we all posh people called Sebastian?
26:52We're not posh people.
26:54You're posher than me.
26:57Oh, dear.
26:58Are you all right?
27:00Yeah.
27:01Have you got a wheelchair?
27:03Well, James treats me like a wheelchair,
27:05something you can fall back on in old age.
27:12Why did you marry him?
27:18Because he asked me.
27:25why did you marry Valerie?
27:29I loved her.
27:35Mommy!
27:37Let's go.
28:26Where are you?
28:36Good night, Freddie.
28:40Good night, Lizzie.
29:02Ta-da!
29:05Blimey.
29:06Look at you.
29:08Oh, doesn't he look fantastic?
29:10We spent the whole day at the school outfitters.
29:13Proper gentleman.
29:15He looks like a penguin.
29:16Sharon, stop it!
29:21Look what we've done, eh?
29:25Our boy.
29:27I'm proud of you.
29:30We've got everything on the list.
29:32Cricket kit.
29:33Football kit.
29:35Swimming kit.
29:35Tennis kit.
29:36Rugby kit.
29:37Fencing kit.
29:38All the kits.
29:39I'm proud of you and all.
29:41There won't be many Joneses boys on that rugby team, will there, son, eh?
29:45Now, Eaton rules say we can't see you for the first month.
29:48So you're gonna have to be brave, Wayne.
29:49Okay?
29:50No crying like a ninny.
29:52Now, most of them other boys, they've been away from home since they were babies.
29:56Sharon, come on.
29:57Stop being so lazy and help me get the rest of the bags out of the car, you lump.
30:00Honestly.
30:10Don't worry, I'm gonna cope.
30:12Not seeing that cheeky little mug for that long.
30:15You sure you want this?
30:17It makes Mum happy.
30:20Can I take this off now?
30:22Yes, sir.
30:23Go on.
30:33Wasn't she wonderful?
30:36Mm-hmm.
30:36A revelation.
30:38I think you may have found your Titania.
30:42Maud!
30:42Who cast Maud O'Hara?
30:44Declan would howl!
30:45Let's go round and see her, shall we?
30:55Congratulations.
30:56Woman of the hour.
30:57Woman of the half-hour call.
31:00I mean, this is unexpected and nice.
31:05After thinking I didn't have anyone in tonight.
31:07Yes, I'm sorry none of your family were there.
31:09I'm not.
31:10Tony, isn't he awful?
31:12I'm not complaining.
31:13This is extremely nice wine.
31:16We usually end up at a sticky table at the Cochin horses.
31:19Well, not for long.
31:21Tony, tell her.
31:22Ah, yes.
31:24Monica's had an idea.
31:25And I think it's a rather good one.
31:27I would like to offer you a role
31:29in Carinium's production of A Midsummer Night's Dream.
31:33The leading lady.
31:35Titania.
31:35Queen of the fairies.
31:37I think Ward knows her Shakespeare, darling.
31:40As our flagship project.
31:41Film that Carinium with a live audience.
31:44Broadcast on the network.
31:45with a subsequent video release for schools all over the country.
31:49It's going to have quite a reach.
31:51Oh.
31:52God.
31:54I mean, thank you.
31:57I mean, obviously I'll have to speak with my...
32:00Your husband, yes, of course.
32:02I was going to say my agent.
32:04I don't.
32:05Oh, Ibsen would be pride.
32:30Ready to go live, studio?
32:32Countdown to hand over to ITN in five, four, three...
32:41Good evening.
32:43And welcome to the Cotswold Roundup election special.
32:46Let's go over to our outside broadcast unit in Conchester now.
32:51Where I am being told, yes,
32:53Paul Stratton has retained his seat for the Conservatives.
32:57I'd like to give thanks to all my supporters,
32:59my constituency staff,
33:02to my wonderful secretary, Samantha.
33:05And of course, I would like to thank my daughters,
33:09Penelope and Cressida,
33:10to my father, Desmond Stratton QC,
33:13for his sage advice during this election.
33:15And finally, to my schnauzer, Sultan.
33:19For being there.
33:21Good boy, Sultan.
33:23Paul Stratton holds Cotswold for the Conservatives.
33:26All eyes now turn to Chalford and Brisbane,
33:28where Rupert Campbell Blackspeed hangs in the balance
33:30after last night's shocking expose.
33:32Over to James and his swing-o-meter.
33:34Paul Stratton retaining his majority by more than 15,000.
33:38A decisive win there.
33:40Oh, no, don't go that way.
33:41No, no, no, no.
33:44I'll just hold it.
33:45Don't mean a thing if it ain't got that swing.
33:48Beat it.
33:50Head up, okay?
33:52Act like nothing's wrong and people will believe it.
33:55Whatever happens, I just want to say
33:57it has been an honour to serve with you and...
34:00All right, Gerald, I'm not going over the top.
34:03Ready?
34:06Ready.
34:16Find your child.
34:25Chalford and Bisley are about to declare.
34:27Stand by for outside broadcast.
34:30And I'm just hearing now that we can go over to Chalford and Bisley
34:33for the announcement of today's results.
34:35We weren't expecting you back tonight, Tony.
34:36I wouldn't make this for the world.
34:39And cut to outside broadcast.
34:44As returning officer for the Chalford and Bisley constituency,
34:47I hereby declare that the total number of votes for each candidate was as follows.
34:52Michael Seaborne, Labour Party candidate, 5,342.
35:00David Edwards, known as Bar Bar Woolly Ramsbottom,
35:04Cotswold Loony Party, 283.
35:10Margaret Baldwin, Liberal Party, 24,292.
35:18Rupert Campbell Black, Conservative Party.
35:2836,272.
35:31I do hereby declare that Rupert Campbell Black is duly elected Member of Parliament for Chalford and Bisley.
35:40And he claims the seat for the Conservative Party.
35:47Go on, go on, go on.
35:48You don't know how that happened.
35:51You must be born.
35:52You're done.
35:52You're done, Terry.
36:00Thank you all.
36:01I will do my absolute utmost to deserve your confidence.
36:05Onward.
36:08Rupert Campbell Black, re-elected as Member of Parliament for Chalford and Bisley.
36:12This is his girlfriend, television executive Cameron Cook.
36:17If you're just joining us, 88 results have been declared so far.
36:22In the last few moments, the strict Minister for Sport, Rupert Campbell Black,
36:26has surprised everyone by retaining...
36:46They just denounced.
36:47He won, didn't he?
36:52How does he do it?
36:53He's still their Olympic hero.
36:55Not to those who really know him.
36:58He's even got you on side.
37:00Look.
37:01He still needs a father figure sometimes.
37:03Or maybe you still need a son.
37:07I'm sorry.
37:08I'm sorry.
37:10I sometimes think that you see Rupert through rose-tinted glasses because you missed Timmy.
37:16And it pains me because I'm pretty sure that Rupert is no kind of substitute.
37:20Rupert is a danger to everyone around him when he's a loose cannon.
37:24It's a good thing that he kept his seat.
37:26If Rupert were a woman, he would be tarred and feathered and dragged by his hair through the streets of
37:33Rochester.
37:33Oh, for God's sake.
37:33He gets a seat of Parliament.
37:35All I get is to suffer by association,
37:37to look and feel stupid that I was ever married to him,
37:40that I ever had his children.
37:41No matter what I do, I will always be the Olympic hero's embarrassed first wife.
38:00What happened to you in Kenya?
38:04What?
38:06You never told me about Kenya.
38:09What happened to you there?
38:12No, no, I didn't.
38:16I didn't want to because I knew you'd think differently of me.
38:20Oh, and so you do.
38:23I think you should sleep in the spare room tonight.
38:29Which one?
38:37Hold a chicken in the air
38:41Stick a dead chair up your nose
38:43Buy a jumbo jet
38:45And then bury all your clothes
38:47But y'all let me grin
38:49Let it scratch your wrist and teeth
38:51Form a string quartet
38:53And pretend your name is here
38:59Skin yours out of love
39:02Let you speak around the phone
39:04Flying silent door
39:06Happy Rennerissimo
39:08Peter Rennero
39:10What the song is this?
39:13It's the chicken song.
39:14What?
39:16Spitting image, it's a party.
39:18Of what?
39:19No part of it?
39:22Okay, come on, let's go home.
39:23I just won the general bloody election.
39:27Actually, Mrs. Thatcher just won the general bloody election.
39:32Honey, I need to talk to you about Venture.
39:35No, no, no.
39:35We're celebrating.
39:36Venture won the election.
39:39Cool.
39:41I'm going to bed.
39:44Fine, fine, fine.
39:45I'll come with you.
39:47No, no, no.
39:48Celebrate.
39:50It's your party.
39:52It's your party.
39:53It's your party.
39:54It's your party.
39:56It's your party.
39:57It's your party.
39:58It's your party.
39:59I'm going to bed.
40:00Hold on.
40:02Chicken in the air.
40:03Chicken, let's tear up your mouth.
40:05Buy a jumbo jet.
40:07And then bury all your blood.
40:13Take that, Dimbleby.
40:16As always, the great British public voted for mummy.
40:19How about we go somewhere and celebrate?
40:20You and me?
40:21Why not?
40:22I'll check under the bed for tape recorders.
40:27OK, then.
40:28Really?
40:28No.
40:32I thought you were wonderful, James.
40:36Ah!
40:38Hey, team.
40:39Who's up for partying?
40:41I could have acquitted my bridge.
40:44Daisy, going somewhere nice?
40:46Locking with the OB crew at the Cotchester Arms?
40:48A little cider with the camera, boys.
40:50I've got, uh, Bolly in my dressing room.
40:53No, thank you.
40:55Well, come on, Daisy.
40:56Why the sad face?
40:56Used to be much more up for partying.
40:58Buck off.
41:00Little Daisy just told me to F off.
41:08Deirdre?
41:09Yes, James.
41:11Call me a cab home.
41:12There's a love.
41:27What's where he put?
41:28I left him at the party, sticking a deck chair up his nose.
41:34What's wrong now?
41:36Oh, what is it?
41:39Do you want to be married to him or not?
41:41If you do, stop being a whiny little bitch and go back to your house.
41:46You can't talk to me like that.
41:47I just did.
42:02The buzz, darling, of revealing to the nation the results of their little pencil marks.
42:06Oh, you're brilliant.
42:08BT, bloody bumfuck, bloody Johnson getting all the glory.
42:14Maybe next year I could ask for a bigger pendulum.
42:16Yes.
42:18Oh.
42:19Speaking of pendulums.
42:23Looks like my election erection's coming out to play again.
42:27Yes, it is.
42:29Hmm?
42:34Oh.
42:35Oh.
42:36I've brushed my teeth.
42:39Fine.
42:40We'll just have sex.
42:41Okay.
42:45Come on.
42:47Do you know, people really do underestimate me.
42:50But I'd be shocked if after tonight Venturer don't try to poach me.
42:53Or better yet, persuade me to be a mole.
42:55Mm-hmm.
42:56And be a fantastic double agent.
42:58Oh.
42:58Open a little wider, Lizzie.
43:00I can't get it in.
43:02James the mole verica.
43:04There.
43:05That's the job, Lizzie.
43:06Good girl.
43:07Open up the bar.
43:10I am a mole and I live in a hole.
43:13I am a mole and I live in a hole.
43:16Do, do, do, do, do.
43:17I am a mole and I live in a hole.
43:22Oh.
43:26Oh.
43:35I am a kite, and you are my bollard.
43:56Oh, darling, you're home.
44:01Congratulations, you won.
44:03I made you breakfast.
44:04You must be exhausted after all that celebrating.
44:10I'm so sorry about that stupid fight that we had.
44:15It was just my hormones.
44:17It wasn't your fault at all.
44:19But the baby?
44:20Your baby.
44:22I've been so mean to you, Paulie.
44:25I just want us to be a proper little family.
44:29I'm so happy.
44:37You know, some women find that the second trimester
44:44is the horniest three months of their life.
45:06Gerald!
45:07I was in bed.
45:10I've come to join you.
45:23I can't believe Rupert actually did it.
45:26He's Superman.
45:27Should I be jealous?
45:28I'd do anything for Rupert, but it's you I'm really in love with.
45:32You and Mrs Thatcher.
45:33Oh, I think my erection just died.
45:36I know, really.
45:37Just stop talking about Mrs Thatcher.
45:40Sorry, sorry.
45:42You know I want to be an MP, Charles.
45:45And that's why you're getting married to a woman that you don't love
45:47and throwing away all your principles to work for a party
45:50that's taking away gay men's rights to even be considered human beings.
45:54I'm going to change things from the inside.
46:03Really?
46:04Why not?
46:07Why not?
46:15You know, Gerald congratulated me last night on being a perfect politician's wife.
46:21Gerald is very drunk.
46:24I mean, what does that even look like?
46:26Put up and shut up?
46:28Well, that's not your style, is it?
46:35You know I supported you because I don't think what happened to you was fair.
46:40I can't deny anything Petey said.
46:44It's all true.
46:45You don't have to.
46:48You are a whole person.
46:53And I love you.
47:05I'll take the dogs out.
47:13I adore you.
47:14Thank you for supporting me.
47:38Downing Street.
47:39We're just on the phone.
47:41Mrs. Thatcher wants to see you.
47:56I know it's smarts, darling.
47:59Whatever you think about Rupert.
48:01No, I really couldn't do all this without your support.
48:04All your ideas.
48:06You're my secret weapon.
48:08It cuts both ways, darling.
48:10We're a team.
48:12I think we've come out of this unpleasantness stronger than ever.
48:15Look at him. I mean...
48:17Who does he think he is? But he's Sir Lancelot.
48:20Sir Faxalot.
48:26You'll stop this feud with Rupert now.
48:30Yes?
48:32Please.
48:34I will stop this feud with Rupert.
48:50How did last night go for your mother? Did she call?
48:52Mm-mm. She didn't call.
48:56Eggsteady?
48:57No, I couldn't eat. I...
49:01Mrs. Thatcher's third landslide.
49:03Poor Mr. Kinnick should just give up.
49:05She's going to be Prime Minister forever.
49:07Change is hard.
49:09It scares people, so...
49:11They stick with the status quo.
49:14Well, that's depressing.
49:17It's Freddie.
49:18You've got to talk to Rupert.
49:20What have you decided?
49:26Surely if you won the election...
49:29Er, I thought you'd want to know there's a press conference about to start at Downing Street.
49:33Let's hear what Maggie has to say for herself, then.
49:35It's not Mrs. Thatcher. It's Rupert.
49:44Thank you, gentlemen, ladies.
49:47I've spoken to Mrs. Thatcher in light of the uncensored programme the night before last
49:52and the coverage that broadcast generated.
49:55I told the Prime Minister that although I won my seat in yesterday's general election,
49:59I do not want the scandal around me to distract from the important work that our government is doing.
50:05It was, therefore, with deep regret that I tendered and the Prime Minister accepted
50:10my resignation as an MP and a minister.
50:16There'll be another statement in due course, gentlemen.
50:20Seems you've won after all, my lord.
50:30One down.
50:33Three to go.
50:45All right, tell me.
50:48Do you need me to go?
50:49My pleasure.
51:00My pleasure.
51:02My pleasure.
51:04My pleasure.
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