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Rivals - Season 1 Episode 5 | English Sub
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Transcript
00:03Fancy a bite, Rupert?
00:05Oh, that's wrong.
00:07Mr. Campbell Black,
00:10may I interest you in some pudding?
00:12Yes, you can.
00:17I was coming to find you.
00:19It was me thinking you were going to grandmother's house.
00:21My grandmother lives in Ireland.
00:25Um, I had some leftovers from a job I did.
00:28It's a spare jam roly-poly.
00:29Can I interest you in a bite?
00:31A bit of it.
00:34I'll have one.
00:35Hi, Baz. I made it with rhubarb.
00:38Yeah.
00:43Oh, my God.
00:45This is excellent. You not having any?
00:48No, I'm fine.
00:49Shall we head back?
00:52Okay, then.
00:54Bye, London.
00:55Bye. Delicious.
00:58Well, someone's got a huge schoolgirl crush.
01:00I'm going to be ridiculous.
01:02She's just being thoughtful.
01:03I was talking about you.
01:05Roly-poly.
01:07You lucky bugger.
01:08Not lucky at all.
01:10I promised Declan I wouldn't go anywhere near her.
01:13Well, I'm glad to see you kept your promise.
01:14Aww.
01:25I'm glad we have a great day.
01:28Oh, my God.
01:34Oh.
01:35Oh.
01:36Oh.
01:38Oh, oh.
01:39Oh.
01:39Oh.
01:39Oh.
01:39Oh.
01:40Oh.
02:11And now our TV pick of the week.
02:14Declan O'Hara has been dominating the front pages,
02:17pictured visiting 10 Downing Street with Minister for Sport Rupert Campbell Black.
02:22This week, Mrs Thatcher returns the invitation,
02:24putting herself in the hot seat for a good O'Hara grilling.
02:28As Declan's star rises even higher at Carinium than it did at the BBC,
02:32we're asking ourselves, is this the most powerful man in television?
02:41The land's gone forever, everybody wants to move.
02:54Mr O'Hara.
02:57Enid Spink.
02:58Big fan.
03:00I'll be watching Thursday.
03:02Give that milk snatcher a run for her money.
03:04I won't let her off easily.
03:06You have my word.
03:07Dame Enid, can I take you through to Studio Two?
03:10They can't keep Mr Verica waiting.
03:25So, let's have a warm Cotswolds round-up welcome for our special guest,
03:30Dame Edna Spink.
03:34Oh!
03:37Oh!
03:40Oh!
03:41Oh!
03:43Oh!
03:44Oh!
03:44Oh!
03:47Oh!
03:48Oh!
03:48Oh!
03:49Oh!
03:50Oh!
03:51Why may I call you Edna?
03:52As long as you're not going to ask me to put on a lilac wig
03:54and stuff my bra with Luro.
03:58Apologies, Dame Enid.
04:00You really are a dumb blonde, aren't you, dear?
04:04Well, thank you very much.
04:10So, judge's desk here, smashing view of the girls in their swimwear.
04:13Ah, beauty contest.
04:15You are not the only show I'm producing.
04:17Miss Carinium is exactly what the IBA wants to see us join.
04:21Good, regional, wholesome fun.
04:24Mm-hmm.
04:24It was Daisy's brainchild.
04:25Daisy has a brain.
04:27Who knew?
04:30Declan?
04:31Yeah?
04:32Did you get me an autograph?
04:35Mrs Thatcher?
04:37I'm so sorry, Daisy.
04:39I completely forgot.
04:40I'll get it when she comes in, okay?
04:41Okay.
04:41So, how was the meeting?
04:42You and Rupert looked pretty cosy in those photos.
04:45Was Thatcher friendly?
04:46Define friendly.
04:47Two boxers circling each other before the big fight.
05:01Thatcher?
05:04She's my Wembley Stadium.
05:07Do you think I should save Northern Ireland for part two after the Sunday shopping bill?
05:12This matters a lot to you.
05:14I have wanted to interview her ever since she handbagged away into number ten, but the BBC would never let
05:20me at her.
05:22Show everyone who she really is.
05:23Whatever she's doing, people want more of it.
05:26She is selling the state off to the highest bidder.
05:29No, she has turned this country into a land of haves and have-nots, Cameron.
05:33And you're one of the haves?
05:35Yeah, well, I mean...
05:37It wasn't always.
05:38Declan, sorry to just stop.
05:40Lord B wants you in his office right now.
05:42Pardon me, Joyce.
05:43A friend at Westminster slipped me something.
05:46You're not going to believe it.
05:47It's a draft of a white paper.
05:51This is embargo, right?
05:53Declan.
05:53Yeah, sorry, Joyce.
05:55Tell Tony I'll catch up with them later.
06:01A local authority shall not promote the teaching in any maintained school of the acceptability of homosexuality as a pretended
06:10family relationship.
06:11I mean, it's inhumane.
06:12This is going to make gay people's lives harder than they already are.
06:16Having a tea party.
06:18Inside track and a new government policy.
06:20Fascinating reading.
06:22What do you need?
06:23The PM's office has faxed a list of questions they want you to ask.
06:32How do you manage to balance motherhood and your demanding job?
06:38Do you miss Wilberforce the cat now that he's retired?
06:42Is this a joke?
06:43Well, if you don't agree she won't do the interview.
06:45Just tell them we agree and then when I get her on the show I can ask me own questions.
06:49You don't care that screwing the government might risk the franchise?
06:51I care that conceding to this shite risks my reputation.
06:56Our reputation.
06:57Our reputation.
06:58Tony, he's right.
06:59Once we're live she can hardly walk off set, can she?
07:02You promised me editorial freedom, Tony.
07:06I'll ask what I want.
07:07This is my interview.
07:08This is my company.
07:09And I don't want to ask questions about fucking cats.
07:15I don't want to ask questions about fucking cats.
07:40It said Edna on the cue cards.
07:42If anyone's head needs to roll here, it's Deidre's.
07:44Sit down.
07:56What?
08:02No, nothing's gonna stop us.
08:05Nothing's gonna stop us
08:14No hard feelings
08:19The hard that I want to do
08:25Hold you forever, never and ever
08:33The Prime Minister
08:35Declan is yesterday's news
08:37I feel honoured sharing that sofa with you
08:39Well, after my Thatcher interview
08:40There is a very good chance you'll be on that sofa alone
08:43I won't be able to film a tea-time show
08:46When I've got the prime-time slot
08:49Well, do you think I'm good enough to fly solo?
08:52Paul never even watches our show
08:54Does, um, does Lizzie?
08:56Oh, Lizzie, no, she's always too busy writing
08:58I don't know why she bothers
09:00I'll just get rejected like the last one
09:03Well, if I were your wife
09:04I wouldn't be able to take my eyes off you for a second
09:10Oh
09:17What the fuck are you playing at?
09:20No one wants to see Vericure interview the Prime Minister?
09:23Better than watching you interview an empty chair
09:25You'll have to get your friend Rupert back
09:27In front of a lot in
09:28Oh, okay, this is because I didn't eviscerate Rupert for you like you wanted
09:32No, it's because you won't do what you're bloody well told
09:37I bring 20 million viewers to your station each week
09:42If you don't like the way I work
09:44Then I quit
09:45You might own Carinium, Tony
09:48But you don't own me
09:52Hmm, as it happens, I sort of do
09:56Firstly, there's that tax bit I collect for you
09:59Secondly, well
10:01I was warned you were hard to control
10:03Luckily, I got a little insurance policy
10:14Patrick's godfather, I gather
10:15He got rather close to Maud last year, didn't he?
10:19Your wife certainly likes a man with a moustache
10:25You have no idea
10:29Maud and I don't have secrets
10:30All right
10:33But I wonder how happy young Taggy's gonna be
10:35When she sees her mother's naked ass
10:37Across the centrefold of the scorpion
10:48Be sure to cancel any plans you have for Friday night
10:51Your 20 million viewers will be watching you judge a beauty contest
11:03Bingo
11:22You're home early
11:23I've taken the week off
11:26I can finally fix the roof
11:28And moured the lawn
11:30Whoa, so what about Mrs. Thatcher?
11:33Tony's given that to Verica
11:34Why?
11:35What did you do?
11:36I didn't do anything
11:37Well, I'm surprised you didn't resign on the spot then
11:39I would have
11:40But as it turns out
11:42I couldn't
11:47What does that mean?
12:01Prime Minister
12:02Yes, Mr. Verica
12:04How is it you manage to be the perfect woman
12:08Balancing motherhood and our country with such effortless grace
12:12Well, any woman who understands the problems of running a home
12:18Will be nearer to understanding the difficulties of running a country
12:25And next, the one about her relationship with Reagan
12:27No, I'd go for something more personal
12:29While you have her in a soft mood
12:31Well, you might be right
12:32This is fun, isn't it?
12:35Like your days on the Bristol Post
12:37When we used to practice together
12:39Got another one
12:39Ready?
12:40Yes
12:40Okay
12:44How do the men in your cabinet respond to your authority, Prime Minister?
12:49Well, Mr. Verica
12:50Or can I call you James?
12:52Oh
12:53The way I see it
12:55Being powerful
12:57Is like being a lady
12:59If you have to tell people you are
13:04Then you aren't
13:06What are you doing?
13:09We're just trying to have a bit of fun
13:12Please don't
13:12Okay
13:13You're not 26 anymore
13:14No
13:16Um
13:18Right
13:21The train now rising on to lap 42
13:24It's the 8.36 to London, Paddington
13:32Letty's nipples hardened with desire as Ferdy led her through the kitchen
13:36And in the darkness of the scullery he lifted her red taffeta skirt
13:40His fingers sought out the ladder in her tights
13:44I love a ladder, Ferdy whispered gruffly
13:47Stairway to heaven and all that
13:49Letty gasped urgently
13:52As he lingered on the soft, fleshy openings in the nylon
13:57Step by step he climbed his way up her inner thigh
14:01Until he could feel the biblical heat of her burning bush
14:08You're a genius
14:09It's going to be a smash hit
14:14Darling
14:16We both know this isn't Jane's
14:20You simply have to be playing away
14:22Oh, I've been far too busy writing, Carol
14:24You know what they say
14:26Keep the drama on the page
14:28Never heard such nonsense
14:30Now tell me this man of yours, our hero
14:33He's simply too good
14:35Not to be true
14:46Freddie James
14:48What are you doing here?
14:50Long, hard day at the coalface
14:52I saw you running down the platform
14:54Oh, lunch round on
14:55I was plied with champagne
14:56And completely lost round of time
14:58Gentleman buying you champagne
15:00No less than you deserve
15:01Today was good
15:03I was actually celebrating with my agent
15:05She loved the first three chapters of my book
15:09Well, why don't we continue the celebration in first class?
15:13I only have a second class ticket
15:14If the conductor comes, I'll pay the difference
15:17Come on
15:30I can't imagine how clever you got to be to write a book
15:32I don't think I could have done any of it
15:34Without your incredible equipment
15:38I mean, your word process
15:44No, no, Valerie will kill me
15:50She's got me on the scars now diet
15:52I've only had two boiled eggs a day
15:53Well then you must eat
15:56Is it fruitcake?
15:57I made it
15:58Kiss it
15:59Personally, I find diets have the opposite effect
16:01They'll just make me fatter
16:04Oh, no
16:05Kiss please, ladies and gents
16:07Have your tickets ready
16:08Looks like we're not going to get away a bit after all
16:10No, you don't
16:11Complete waste of money
16:12Come on
16:12We're nearly out of our stop
16:17Look at
16:21Bit of tight squeeze
16:22Maybe the shit I'd spill on this car's don't lie
16:28Perhaps I should have just paid
16:29Absolutely not
16:31I miss all the fun
16:36Next stop, Conchester
16:37We are shortly arriving at Conchester Station
16:40Thank you for saving me £2.50
16:47Thank you for saving me from falling asleep
16:50And waking up in Gloucester
16:54My traptors
16:56Oh, I left them
16:58Oh, girl
16:59Go
17:05We're all ready
17:06Oh
17:13Oh
17:14Oh
17:35Keep me busy, Charles
17:37Good morning, Tony
17:38Morning, girls
17:48Excited to meet the Iron Lady
17:52You should be
17:53She's the only woman I've ever met
17:54As a tougher bitch than you
17:56I hope you're not still sulking
17:58The country wants to see Thatcher locking horns with Declan
18:01Not that dipshit James Veraker
18:03This is self-sabotage, Tony
18:04Call Declan
18:05He could be here in half an hour
18:06Forget Declan
18:06I've got somebody to cheer you up
18:10Quattros Hombres Agricolas
18:13Has been nominated for an award
18:15Four men went to mow
18:17You're going to need to brush up on your Spanish
18:18If you're going to go to Malaga next month to collect it
18:21An award?
18:22We're big in Spain, apparently
18:25Let's say we go together
18:28Stay in a hotel
18:29Walk the red carpet
18:31Just the two of us
18:37Now I'm forgiven
18:41Call Declan
18:42No
19:00All right, everyone
19:02True blue Tory smiles, please
19:05Where's the photographer?
19:07Come on, come on
19:08Up front
19:08Right there
19:10Have a shot as soon as she steps out of the car, yes?
19:12Nice big one for the office wall
19:18What's that?
19:18She's due, right?
19:19Yes, she's due, she's late
19:20That's all right
19:27Come on, you lot, we're making history here
19:41And now for a very special episode of Declan
19:44Featuring none other than our Prime Minister
19:47Mrs Thatcher
19:50Ladies and gentlemen
19:52Please welcome to the stage
19:53Tonight's guest presenter
19:55James Merrigar
19:59Stop it, you're too kind
20:01I know what you're thinking
20:02When did Declan become so handsome?
20:07What's the ingredients for bolognese?
20:10Thought it might tempt daddy out of his study
20:12He's watching the interview
20:17Mummy, you should have stopped him
20:18Long time since I've had any influence
20:21Don't cook for me
20:23Not hungry
20:38Yes?
20:40Malhar, darling
20:41Did I disturb you?
20:42Oh, everything about you disturbs me
20:44Mrs O'Hara
20:48I can't bear it any longer
20:50I need to see you
20:59What's wrong with your father?
21:01They're saying he's ill
21:03Where is he?
21:05Declan?
21:07Declan?
21:19People are saying you're ill
21:21You don't look ill, just paralytic
21:23Fuck off, Rupert
21:25The PM knew you'd never show her caring side
21:28So she dodged the fight
21:29She knows what she's doing
21:30And now thanks to James Merrigar
21:32We all know what Dennis got for his birthday
21:35And that she swapped recipes with Nancy Reagan
21:38Tony should have let me out of Rupert
21:40Doug, give us that
21:41Come on up you go big boy
21:51Sorry, Tig
22:00He'll have one hell of a hangover in the morning
22:02He has one every morning now.
22:07Mommy's given up, so it's all me and...
22:11I don't know how men work.
22:13It's people.
22:15I don't understand them.
22:17And I help them.
22:21Could you... Yeah.
22:23I'll be here first thing.
22:25We'll bring him round, don't worry.
22:30Your supper's gone cold.
22:33I can heat it up. There's more if you want to stay.
22:40See you in the morning.
22:51Fertie's hands roamed over Letty's back and hips,
22:55gripping her tightly as he drove her to the edge of pleasure.
22:58Finally, with a cry of release, they both came together.
23:02Their bodies convulsing with the force of their shared orgasm.
23:05Freddie!
23:06Good morning.
23:07Well, today and every day this week we're going to be in the studio.
23:10Fred Fred!
23:12Fred Fred!
23:13Shit!
23:16What on earth is going on? The Green Goddess is waiting!
23:20Were you looking at pornography?
23:22I swear in my life I was not.
23:24It's you.
23:25You look sexy and that.
23:26Honestly, Frederick.
23:28Time and a place.
23:28And now we've missed our chance to go for the burn.
23:53And now we've missed our chance to go for the burn.
24:01And now we've missed our chance to go for the burn.
24:03I wanted to bring this back.
24:05That was so kind of you.
24:08You look like Superman.
24:11Running after the train.
24:18I'm sorry.
24:19I, er...
24:22I wondered if you might agree to come to lunch with me.
24:25I mean, not now.
24:28Not in my dressing gown.
24:30Yeah.
24:32I was thinking maybe the black horse in Bisley.
24:35You know, it's very, er...
24:37Discreet.
24:38Exactly.
24:42I can't tell you how many times in the last few weeks
24:45I've hoped you'd ask me a question like this.
24:49Now you're here.
24:54But I realise that I can't.
24:57I'm so sorry, Freddy.
25:00Ah.
25:01I'm married.
25:05Thank you, though.
25:07For asking.
25:10And for the manuscript.
25:13I hope you don't mind.
25:15I read your chapters.
25:17Oh.
25:20They were brilliant.
25:24And sexy.
25:27Like you.
25:47Mummy, where are you?
25:50Mummy!
25:54I'm coming.
26:07There she is.
26:08Taggy!
26:09Oh, my God, Caitlin.
26:10Have you been expelled?
26:11I've got an ex here.
26:13Mr. Mummy and Daddy forgetting about me.
26:15Not you, Tag.
26:16Caught her hitchhiking from Cotchester Station.
26:18I'm so sorry.
26:19You're to Kelly.
26:20Your father where I left him?
26:22Yeah.
26:23Taking him out.
26:26Declan!
26:27We're going to lunch.
26:28But I want your opinion on a horse.
26:31Is Mummy still in bed too?
26:33No.
26:33She left before I got up.
26:36Oh, you're staying.
26:38Jamie!
26:40Jamie!
26:43Here!
26:44You're just here.
26:46Thank you for the change, yeah?
26:59ah it's not like you to be early i've missed you
27:07oh it's very tempting but i actually have something else in mind
27:22henry hampshire spotted him the other day alan doesn't realize how good his bloodline is
27:27his grand style is a marvel look how long the legs are is that what you look for
27:34this age one i'm still a bit gangly awkward a bit of an ugly gelding but you can see the
27:39swan he'll grow into him sometimes you can just tell by the eyes
27:48well to be said for a pair of kind honest eyes what's his name venturer
28:00yeah sold alan i'll take him off your hands see what i can do with him should we say two
28:04and a
28:04half sorry mr camel black i've just had an offer i can't afford to refuse what the fuck freddie
28:11sorry root didn't know it was you hampshire tipped me off he was going on the low side
28:16i don't like doing things on the cheap so i've offered him five grand
28:19what i've always wanted to racehorse
28:25unless you fancy a syndicate
28:34you know she thinks you're a very bad man is she a good judge of character she's had practice
28:40she's been judging my character since we were 15. 15? yeah she's a good girl she's stuck by me for
28:46a
28:46fricking thing you know i've i've never even had another girlfriend
28:52oh
28:56still do you two lads make an odd couple how did you become so friendly well we met just after
29:03i moved down here and then we got chatting after a few months and it turns out we're allergic to
29:09the same thing
29:10bullshit
29:12buddingham let's not waste time on that bastard let's drink to the horse that brought us together today
29:20uh ventura
29:23ventura
29:27yeah
29:28we have one on them but i should be down on this look position
29:31remember everyone this is the beauty contest that sits our shoulders back
29:36one two three
29:41i got it from littlewoods
29:43like it
29:44i didn't know you were a contestant
29:47good everyone ready for the final rehearsal
29:49first position
29:50cameron cameron
29:51reverend penny's car hasn't arrived in ruttshire cabs can't get to him for at least an hour
29:56what
29:56penny is our most important judge we need him here now
29:59i could get him
30:01i had a car
30:03take mine
30:05hi
30:05hello
30:06hi everyone
30:07hello
30:09hello ladies
30:10looking forward to getting to know you all
30:11can i show you my special talent
30:13quiet
30:14i loved your interview with mr satcher
30:16so
30:17caring
30:18thank you so much miss um
30:20bisley
30:21i love you
30:23you know
30:30i love you
30:34i love you
30:35i love you
30:51Well, Miss Cotterster, that depends on your special talent, doesn't it?
31:03Oh, yes, Sarah. Oh, oh, oh, naughty, Sarah!
31:06Yes, oh, it's Sarah!
31:07Oh, Sarah!
31:09Don't leave me this way
31:14Don't understand
31:15I'm at your command
31:17So, baby, please
31:19Oh, don't leave me this way
31:24Oh, baby!
31:28What can I do? I can't leave.
31:30Leave him. He's not worth it.
31:32If I didn't have a truly gargantuan mortgage, I...
31:38Fuck that mortgage!
31:39I will tell him where to stick his beauty contest.
31:42Jesus, what time is it?
31:44It's just gone five, why?
31:45I'm supposed to be judging Miss Carinium.
31:49Oh, oh, oh!
31:51Oh!
31:59That field, uh...
32:00Just up ahead there
32:03Pull in there, Charles
32:04I promised my producer I'd be as quick as possible, uh...
32:08Just here, just here
32:09It has a beautiful view you should see
32:13Great. Let's go straight away again from the top, please, girls.
32:16Q, playback.
32:18And five, six, seven, eight.
32:21Smiling.
32:25Someone's on the road here.
32:28Sir, it's very lovely, but we're already late.
32:32I should go.
32:34What did you say her name was, dear?
32:36Daisy, sir.
32:37Daisy.
32:39Great.
32:39Come down, take a while.
32:41Say, number, then, girls.
32:43Say, little, big smiles.
32:46Oh, dear.
32:47Beautiful.
32:48Yes, so lovely.
32:50Yes.
32:52Andy Hopkins thought that spring was rejoicing in life's juices.
32:58What do you think, Daisy?
33:00Well, I think that...
33:02No!
33:03Oh, my God.
33:10Yes, lady.
33:10Yes, we can't treat men.
33:12Please.
33:13Stop.
33:17Stop.
33:19Oh, my God.
33:22Oh, my God.
33:23Oh, my God.
33:32Yes, we can't treat men.
33:36Hold it there.
33:41Whose idea was the big number?
33:44Daisy's.
33:45It's not our bird.
33:46Well done, Daisy.
33:52Come on, girl, we're late.
34:06Oh, I mean, that golden duck at the Oval.
34:10Oh, I look at that in history.
34:11Oh, you're too kind.
34:13I'm trying to make me the same color as James Berger.
34:15Welcome to the Cotswolds.
34:17Sandra, a little bit of that translucent powder is probably best.
34:21Cameron Cook.
34:22Control their programs.
34:24Stole her from the Yanks.
34:25Most talented woman I've ever met.
34:26I don't know how to do it.
34:27Make sure Wesley gets star treatment.
34:29He is one of my all-time cricketing heroes.
34:31This way, you're an ace.
34:33Ah, Reverend.
34:34So glad you made it.
34:35Trust my staff have taken good care of you.
34:37Oh, indeed they have, Tony.
34:39And from what I've seen so far, the franchise is safe.
34:42Oh, so pleased to have your support, Fergus.
34:45Now, I've got to get a show on the road.
34:46Drink's on me afterwards, yes?
34:47Oh, good.
34:51What the nerve I did.
34:58Okay, come on.
34:59Come on.
35:03There you go.
35:09Who did this to you?
35:11You have to tell me who it was.
35:14Silence only protects the monster who did this.
35:16But I promise you, I will make them pay.
35:25If you don't report him, dear,
35:28what about all the other innocent girls
35:29he might prey on next?
35:36I offered to drive to help with your bid.
35:41Please don't be cross with me.
35:43You've done nothing wrong.
35:44No one's going to be angry with you.
35:57It was the Reverend Penny.
36:14You said you didn't lead him on.
36:20You're such a friendly girl.
36:25No, I...
36:29I was really professional.
36:48You know, Reverend Penny's very important to us, don't you?
36:55I know you're a team player.
36:59Valued member of the Carinian family.
37:04So...
37:06Let's forget this whole thing ever happened, don't you think?
37:15That's a good girl.
37:17You're going to go far here.
37:19I'm sure Miss Madden will help.
37:23Tally yourself up.
37:24Good girl.
37:29Sorry, it's a wardrobe head.
37:34All this talk of equal rights.
37:37Nothing really changes.
37:39One rule for them, one for us.
37:44Did I spoil everything for the bid?
37:47Not at all.
37:50He'll get off scot-free.
37:52He won't think he's done a thing wrong.
37:58This terrible thing which has happened to you
38:01is your secret.
38:04It's also your weapon.
38:07Use it to get what you want from them.
38:10Do you hear me?
38:12Don't be sad.
38:13Be angry.
38:15We'll serve you better, dear.
38:26You can lead a horse to water, Seb.
38:29Declan.
38:29Declan's.
38:33Daisy, nice dress.
38:38Daisy.
38:39Daisy, what's wrong?
38:41What's happening, Joyce?
38:43Daisy.
38:44Daisy, wait.
38:45Daisy.
38:49From the Welsh borders
38:51to the dreaming spires of Austen.
38:53From Southampton to Stratford-upon-Avon.
38:55Live from Rochester,
38:57this is Miss Carineon.
38:59And here are your hosts,
39:01Jane Velika and Sarah Stratton.
39:05Right, here we go.
39:07Showtime.
39:09Caitlin, it's starting.
39:10Good evening.
39:11Good evening.
39:13Good popcorn.
39:17The girls waiting backstage this evening are gems, are they not?
39:21They certainly are, James.
39:22Two minutes left of intro.
39:24Especially being a bit of a sparkler myself.
39:27Stand by audience.
39:28Got her ways on three.
39:29You're an absolute Bobby Dazzler.
39:32Your husband is a very lucky man.
39:34Sarah's looking sensational, don't you think?
39:37All nine, of course.
39:38Only because she's already been everyone else's.
39:41But she will also win a screen test
39:44to become our new tea time weather girl.
39:47Stand by, judge has got her ways on too.
39:49But before we meet our contestants,
39:50let's meet our judging panel.
39:52First up, it's demon bowler and local cricketing hero,
39:55Wesley Emerson.
40:00And then, of course,
40:01there's Carineon's very own Declan O'Hara.
40:08Back in the saddle today
40:09after his brief indisposition earlier in the week.
40:12And here to ensure we're all behaving ourselves,
40:15ex-prepandry from the Church of England,
40:17Reverend Fergus Penny.
40:23Please give a big round of applause
40:25for our judging panel.
40:33Miss Chipping Sodbury is 21 years old.
40:36She's training to be a driving instructor.
40:38She looks so pretty.
40:40But in her spare time, enjoys breeding miniature poodles.
40:42Oh, dear creature, Miss Chipping Sodbury's care.
40:45Last Friday, we danced against Rugbra
40:46and one lot of boys took some fifth formers
40:48up in the garage roof.
40:49And they were smoking and drinking
40:51and telling the teachers to fuck off.
40:52Miss Neverwana.
40:53Oh, and the gym mistress found three condoms
40:56in the rhododendrons.
40:58That's nice.
41:02But we've got nicer.
41:03Hey.
41:05Shut up.
41:07Three, three, hold the two short.
41:10Four, take the close-ups.
41:12It's been really well.
41:13Is Miss Cotter's death spinning her way
41:15into our hearts?
41:18Come on, check your body, baby,
41:19do the conga.
41:20I'm not supposed to do it.
41:20You can't get the trance of any longer.
41:22Feel the rhythm,
41:22the music getting stronger.
41:24Don't you find it,
41:25do the conga.
41:26Thanks.
41:31Isn't she good?
41:32I have not.
41:34Come on, check your body, baby,
41:35do the conga.
41:36I know you can't get the trance of any longer.
41:38Feel the rhythm,
41:38the music getting stronger.
41:40Don't you find it,
41:40do the conga.
41:48Miss Wooten Under Edge
41:51is a fabulous 5 foot 7 inches tall
41:53and it's a full 33, 25, 36.
42:05Now, judges,
42:07Miss Wooten stands at an elegant 5 foot 4.
42:10Her measurements are 36,
42:1124, 36.
42:12Some might describe her
42:13as perfection itself.
42:26Reverend Penny,
42:27are you looking for perfection tonight?
42:29Oh, well, perfection is not my concern.
42:32The qualities that I'm looking for
42:33in the inaugural Miss Carinium
42:35consists of
42:37a healthy body
42:39and sound morals.
42:42You filthy,
42:44hypocritical old kiss.
42:50What the fuck is he doing?
42:52Cut the feed.
42:53Cut the feed.
42:56Jesus H. Christ,
42:57I only left the house for a minute.
42:59What just happened?
43:00Oh, my God, Mommy.
43:08I'll get what's coming, dear.
43:12I'll get what's coming, dear.
43:15Digi, answer the phone.
43:16He's ruined everything.
43:18Answer the phone.
43:21Do it!
43:42You let that religious fraud
43:44get away with raping one of your employees.
43:48And then you parade
43:50all those young girls
43:51in front of him
43:52like a fucking menu.
43:56I am out
43:58of this cesspit
43:59for good.
44:01You flouted my authority
44:03at every opportunity,
44:04but I'm not sure
44:05we can let you go just yet.
44:08Don't touch me!
44:11How does it feel, Tony?
44:13Huh?
44:14How does it feel
44:15to be weak
44:16and helpless?
44:18I'll have you locked up for GBH.
44:19I'll be freer inside
44:20than ever will be working for you.
44:26Fuck you.
44:28I quit.
44:31Oh, it's so melodramatic.
44:33You missed your calling.
44:35Well, enjoy the morning papers.
44:37You should probably let Mort know
44:38she's going to be a star again.
45:01Bloody hell.
45:04I'd hate to see
45:04what he does with a driver.
45:14Are you okay?
45:19Can I give you a lift somewhere?
45:23You should call the police, Daisy.
45:27Report that sick bastard.
45:32She told you.
45:38And that's why you hit him.
45:42I didn't need your help, Declan.
45:46I'm sorry, Daisy.
45:48I just...
45:55Daisy.
45:58Why couldn't you have
45:58kept your mouth shut?
46:11Just quit my job.
46:13Get in the car, lads.
46:15Let's get rat-assed.
46:21As I say, Declan O'Hara
46:22will be strongly dealt with
46:24in the coming days.
46:25Very publicly, too.
46:26Good.
46:28Whilst I don't home with vengeance,
46:31there's no place for violence
46:32and vulgarity on our screens.
46:34No.
46:34No.
46:34You have my word, Fergus.
46:38Deirdre!
46:39Deirdre.
46:40Deirdre.
46:40Please make sure
46:41the Reverend Penny
46:42gets home safely.
46:43Yes, Lord Buddingham.
46:45Go to a minicamp, Deirdre.
46:49Bye, Fergus.
46:51Bye, Tony.
46:59I'll get the glaziers in.
47:02Have this delivered
47:03to B.D. Johnson
47:04at the Scorpion
47:05from an anonymous source.
47:11There's Madden!
47:14Joyce!
47:17Has anyone been in my office?
47:18Not to my knowledge.
47:22Fuck!
47:32Is he dead?
47:33He will be
47:34when Mummy's done with him.
47:49I'm in my office.
47:53Oh, fuck.
47:59Fuck.
48:01Fuck.
48:02Fuck.
48:03Fuck.
48:05Fuck.
48:07Fuck.
48:10Fuck.
48:12I don't want to be that woman who's waiting for her husband to come home.
48:19It's not me.
48:25We need to go back to work.
48:27Well, that's good, because I resigned last night.
48:31It'll be easier for you if we go back to London.
48:40I saw Mallory.
48:44I asked him if I could audition for his new show.
48:49I mean, there's nothing in it for me. I'm too old.
48:54I'm sorry, love.
48:57You should have told me.
49:01What happened to us?
49:07We fix it?
49:21Who the fuck is that?
49:34Is Tony trying to hound me into the grave?
49:36He doesn't know I'm here.
49:38I shouldn't have told you about Daisy.
49:40Oh.
49:42I'd probably have hit the old pervert anyway.
49:52Sometimes Lord Baddingham needs a bit of help to steer the right course.
50:07Gertrude!
50:09Gertrude!
50:10Oh, come back!
50:12Gertrude!
50:19You all right?
50:22Can I walk with you?
50:24No, no, you can't.
50:25I asked for your help, and you got him drunk and let him implode on live television.
50:29He's a grown man, Taggy.
50:30God, we are in so much debt.
50:31We can't afford the mortgage without Daddy working.
50:34Mummy's already packing.
50:35What are you talking about?
50:38This is the only place I have ever loved.
50:41And now we have to leave.
50:43He's Declan, O'Hara.
50:45Now find another job.
50:48Not him.
50:50Gertrude, come on.
50:56You know, I could have told you, you and Declan were never going to work out.
51:00Neither of you could bear not being big dogs.
51:03So am I a big dog now?
51:04You're the last dog standing.
51:07So what do we do now?
51:10We have to put something out there.
51:13Oh, no, I'm not an apology.
51:14Oh, God, no.
51:16He's the one who threw out the punches.
51:18It's not your fault he can't handle provocation.
51:24And of course, he's also the one with the drinking problem.
51:32Very good.
51:37Declan O'Hara tendered his resignation last night, and we regretfully accept it.
51:42We have every concern for the well-being of all our staff.
51:47But Carinium Television cannot tolerate violence, particularly towards a vulnerable and senior guest in our building.
51:55We send Declan our best wishes and support as he seeks help for his alcoholism and mental disturbance.
52:02You'll probably have to go.
52:04Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.
52:06Where is he?
52:12Oh!
52:12Oh!
52:12Oh, it looks so grim.
52:22Frederico and I have a brilliant new plan.
52:24No offense, but I'll give it a miss.
52:26One afternoon with you lads.
52:27Nearly finish me off.
52:28Yeah, we're going back to London.
52:29Sorry, Mould. We can't let you. It's business.
52:32Can't let a hot property go to waste.
52:33We're starting a production company, and you're going to run it.
52:37Partnership.
52:39We're going to work together. It'll be fun.
52:41We trust you on the creative stuff.
52:44Sorry, Lass, but I can't.
52:45Why not?
52:47You'll be your own master.
52:48But you want it.
52:51Because I think we should pitch for the franchise.
52:56That... that'd mean...
52:57Mother of all takeovers.
53:01Drive Tony Battingham out of town once and for all.
53:05I think we've got it in us.
53:07Don't you?
53:23I want it.
53:26It's crazy.
53:32It's crazy.
53:39It's crazy.
53:42O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O!
53:56Oh, my God.
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