Rivals Season 2 Episode 3 | English Sub - video Dailymotion

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Transcript

00:03Tonight we peek behind the curtains and pull back the bedsheets to reveal the truth about Rupert Campbell Black.

00:10On the night before he asks voters to elect him Member of Parliament for Chalford and Bisley,

00:15we ask how a man like this gains a free pass to the highest offices in the land.

00:20Rupert Campbell Black, showjumper and showman, charlatan and conman,

00:25catapulted into a safe seat, he now enjoys an unusually close relationship with the man.

00:30Well, this is news.

00:34Tony said we were doing Joan Collins this week.

00:57Oh, Christ.

01:00So, Melanie Hamilton, you know she used to get me to spank her, call the hairbrush, daddy.

01:06God, Peter.

01:07Earlier, I interviewed a woman who was a participant at a group sex session in a Soho art studio in

01:14the mid-60s.

01:15Roll the tape.

01:16Can you tell me who was present on that particular occasion?

01:20A number of rock stars.

01:21At least one of them was in the Stones.

01:24A couple of footballers.

01:25The American actor, Johnny...

01:27Johnny Friedlander?

01:28Yes.

01:29And Rupert Campbell Black.

01:31You don't forget that silky voice.

01:33And did Mr. Campbell Black engage in the group sex enthusiastically?

01:38No one was disappointed, put it that way.

01:41And I have to ask, in this age of AIDS, was anyone there using protection?

01:47Protection.

01:48We were all high as kites.

01:50I've always said Fred, Fred.

01:52Now he's going to give us all AIDS.

01:54And this...

01:55...sexual deviance was cited in their divorce proceedings by his ex-wife, Helen.

02:00I'm not talking about him, okay?

02:01Please get off my driveway.

02:02Can I ask...

02:02Get off my driveway!

02:04Mrs. Gordon!

02:05Oh my...

02:06Mrs. Gordon!

02:08I think that's no comment.

02:10Helen Gordon, previously Helen Campbell Black,

02:12was involved in a foursome with Campbell Black and his show-jumping teammates

02:16while on holiday in Kenya.

02:18What's a foursome?

02:18What are you doing out of bed?

02:20Plus, we can now...

02:22It is another word for a quartet.

02:26At the same time as seducing Carinium's former controller of programs, Cameron Cook,

02:32Mr. Campbell Black hunted closer to home,

02:34beginning a relationship with Declan O'Hara's daughter, Agatha,

02:37a girl 17 years, his junior.

02:39For fuck's sake.

02:40Picking the question, what sort of a man preys upon the young daughter of his colleague and friend?

02:46So, what does the Prime Minister think of the politician once referred to as her blue-eyed boy?

02:52Unfortunately, no one from Mrs. Thatcher's office was available to comment.

02:56But Campbell Black doesn't seem to return her regard in this recording from 1985.

03:01Well, Kate.

03:02You know why they call her Milk Snatcher?

03:04It's not taking dairy products from kids.

03:06It's because she's got a milky sn...

03:10With the polls opening in ten hours,

03:12we ask, how can a pervert and sexual deviant like Rupert Campbell Black

03:17be allowed to represent the fine people of Great Britain?

03:21Fuck!

03:25Bye!

03:32Bye!

03:36Bye!

03:39Bye!

03:42Bye!

03:46Bye!

03:46Oh, oh, oh.

04:24You've got to speed it up and then you've got to slow it down

04:29Cause if you believe that a love can hit the top, you've got to play around

04:35Until you will find that there comes a time for making your mind out

04:41You've got to turn it on and then you've got to put it out

04:46You've got to be sure that it's something everybody's going to talk to

04:50You've got to decide that the time's right for making your mind out

04:59We're here at the home of Mr. Rupert Campbell Black,

05:02minister for sport and subject of last night's extraordinary unscented allegations.

05:06We're going to try and get a few words from him as he arrives at his home today

05:10on election day.

05:11Mr. Campbell Black, hello this morning, Mr. Campbell Black.

05:14Any comments on the unscented documenting last night?

05:17Good morning, everyone. Happy election day. Don't look too disappointed.

05:20Any comments on uncensored last night?

05:24Morning.

05:27Message from CCHQ says we press ahead with Rupert's scheduled appearances today.

05:31No reference to the broadcast. Everything pointed towards getting out of vote.

05:35How's he doing? I tried to call, but...

05:37See for yourself.

05:39As the country heads to the polls today for the general election,

05:42the question on everyone's lips isn't whether or not Mrs. Thatcher's conservative government

05:46can hold on to power, but how can Rupert Campbell Black ever come back

05:51from such a destructive expose?

05:57Has he been drinking all morning?

05:59He's been drinking all night.

06:01He hasn't been to bed.

06:02But it's election day.

06:04Yep.

06:05Can you persuade him to... to... to stop?

06:07Really?

06:13I'm going to call Helen again.

06:14Oh. He's been trying out all morning.

06:16She's going to go form a dare on me after this.

06:35Yeah.

06:36Rupert, please.

06:37What? Rupert.

06:38Rupert, please.

06:41Rupert, please.

06:43That's one.

06:48Minister, any comments on uncensored last night?

06:53Beautiful morning, ladies and gentlemen.

07:00Don't forget to vote.

07:11I'm going to pick up Caitlin from school.

07:31All right.

07:37Is this journalism her, Daddy?

07:39Destroying people's private lives.

07:40I mean, the things she said about him.

07:42Beatty is not the brilliant journalist she thinks she is.

07:46God, I hate that he got you caught up in all this.

07:51What's it mean for Ventra?

07:54Don't know, love.

07:57Don't know.

08:00I'm disappointed, Tony.

08:03You do things like this in my name as well as yours.

08:05We're a partnership, a unit, and we're strong.

08:08And we agreed that you wouldn't deal in dirty tricks any longer.

08:12I know you and Rupert have your differences, but his poor wife and children.

08:16Who's that?

08:18That's your present.

08:28Oh, Tony.

08:31Happy anniversary, Tony.

08:32Oh, but it's not until Tuesday.

08:34I got in early.

08:36I thought you couldn't stand peacocks.

08:38You always say they look like rats in war gowns.

08:41The falconry has been without peacocks since you were a deb.

08:44It's taken me far too long to set it right.

08:46Mummy would be thrilled.

08:48No.

08:50I'll need to be careful not to speed up the drive later tonight.

08:53I haven't got you anything yet.

08:56Why don't you come to a doll's house with me this evening?

08:59I'll shout you an ice cream in the interim.

09:01You want me to enjoy an evening of Ibsen on the day of the general election?

09:04Well, there's no point sitting on the sofa waiting for the polls to close.

09:07We'll spend the evening together.

09:10It'll be good.

09:13Well, you know how I love the theatre.

09:33You can't stop me seeing my children, Helen.

09:36Helen, I swear to God, I'll break this down.

09:40Stand down.

09:42Do you mind removing your bloody finger from my doorbell?

09:47Please.

09:49Helen's at school with Tabitha.

09:51I don't suppose you're aware of anything as parochial as the date of your daughter's sports day.

09:56You're not running in the father's race?

09:58I don't qualify.

10:03You haven't been to bed, have you?

10:05You know what?

10:06I'm not taking a lecture from you today, Melise.

10:08Fuck you.

10:08Fuck Helen.

10:09I need to see my children.

10:11I'm their father.

10:12Have you forgotten what that's like?

10:28Don't you dare talk to me about being a father.

10:33You need to sober up.

10:39How come you didn't know what he was planning?

10:40I can't manage Mother by myself anymore.

10:43I've been off work moving her into a home.

10:46Tony has been so kind.

10:48He told me to take off all the time that I needed, even when we had an episode of Uncensored

10:52to prep.

10:53Kind or strategic?

10:55I thought he was being supportive, subterfuge, as extremely stressful, you know.

10:58We need to get you back to work.

11:00Find out what Tony's doing next.

11:01But he's got what he wants.

11:03Rupert's on his knees.

11:04That'll never be enough for Tony.

11:07He'll be coming for the rest of us.

11:11Do you think so?

11:12What do you mean?

11:16Fiendish of you to have a technical run of the bed the whole time.

11:19Oh, it's amazing what men will spill after they've spilled.

11:23What can I say?

11:24You truly are guardian of the nation's morals.

11:28Oh, we aim to please.

11:29You're about as keen to please as a nuclear warhead.

11:32As you say, Tony, I'm a public servant.

11:35You're a public toilet.

11:37You don't think he was a bit cruel?

11:39You don't know what he did to me?

11:41Proportionate response, Joyce.

11:43Good night's work, everyone.

11:44On we go.

11:49Are you hungry?

11:52A big kill like this always makes me voracious.

11:55I could murder a martini and a bloody steak.

11:58Look, I know a little hotel.

12:03Very discreet.

12:05We'd be back in plenty of time for the election special.

12:10What an enticing offer.

12:12I'm afraid I'm going to the theater with my wife tonight.

12:24That bump to the head really did change you, Tony.

12:30Elegantly handled.

12:32It's like prising off a scorpion before it stings you.

12:37All right, quiet down, everyone.

12:40I'm sorry that our first Venture Board meeting

12:43is being convened at a moment of crisis.

12:46Let's make this an orderly discussion.

12:48I know how these things can get emotional.

12:51So, Declan?

12:52Thank you, Freddie.

12:55So, bad news first.

12:58The BBC have dropped our Yeats documentary.

13:00What?

13:01They can't be tainted by association.

13:04Also, I've had word from Charles

13:06that Lady Gosling would like to speak to me

13:08about the franchise bit.

13:09Is anyone else going to say it?

13:12Rupert should resign from the board.

13:14No.

13:15Now, hold on a minute.

13:15The IBA is run by a woman.

13:17And as a woman, I have to say

13:18that some of the comments we heard on the television last night

13:21were very hard to stop.

13:23They were private comments.

13:25He didn't know Beattie had a tape recorder under the bed.

13:26She liked him talking about other women he'd been with.

13:29It was her thing.

13:30If this were anybody else,

13:31wouldn't we be demanding that they resign?

13:34As a group,

13:36what values do we stand for?

13:42Right, come on.

13:43Easy there.

13:44Easy.

13:46So, we'll go in the order they're called.

13:48James, James.

13:49Hmm?

13:49Probably Cochester first, then Rutminster.

13:51Rutminster, Gloucester, Chalford and Bisley.

13:54Big swing for the Tories.

13:55We have B.T. Johnson presenting the show.

13:57Watch your feet there.

13:58And James Verica, of course,

14:00back on his trusty swing-o-meter.

14:02Everyone,

14:03this is Mrs. Mingus Scott,

14:05who's joining Lady Gosling on the board of the IBA

14:07after a ten-year stint chairing the Women's Institute.

14:11So,

14:12used to making big decisions.

14:14All set for tonight, gang?

14:15Yes, hopefully I won't have to do too much swinging this evening,

14:17Lady Gosling.

14:18And, um, Reverend Penny.

14:20Congratulations on your Campbell Black expose, Miss Johnson.

14:24I will end the haughtiness of the arrogant

14:26and lay low the pride of the ruthless.

14:29Let he that is without sin cast the first stone.

14:33Well, thank goodness that Campbell Black

14:35chose that little venturer set up over the Carinium Board.

14:38I'm sure the IBA will align with the public

14:40to take a stern view on his behaviour.

14:41I shall be speaking to Mr. O'Hara in due course.

14:44One thing I'm curious about, Lord Battingham.

14:46Yes?

14:47As a prominent supporter of the government,

14:49isn't it rather an own goal

14:50to demolish Campbell Black's reputation

14:52the night before the country goes to the polls?

14:55Well, Sally,

14:56as someone who cares deeply about the reputation

14:58of our political system,

14:59I would say it's paramount

15:01we make it clear to the country

15:03that we see no place for behaviour like Campbell Black's

15:06in the modern government,

15:08which is, of course, bigger than any individual member.

15:11Can't help thinking Mrs. Thatcher would agree.

15:14Rupert always had a rapier wit.

15:16Milk snatcher.

15:18I spat out my sherry.

15:22Sorry.

15:26Archie's been writing to me at school.

15:28Archie Berdingham?

15:29Caitlin?

15:29He sent me a mixtape.

15:30It's mostly metal,

15:31but he also put Caravan of Love on it,

15:33so either he loves me

15:34or he wants to have sex in a caravan.

15:36It's not just Rupert's reputation.

15:38If he's losing us work,

15:39it's a problem.

15:40I'm here to make telly.

15:42The Yates programme is your baby.

15:43We sell it somewhere else, Mike.

15:45Will anyone else take it now?

15:46I've had the Archbishop of Canterbury on the phone.

15:49This is a very difficult position

15:51for those of us on the board as moral advisers.

15:55Aye, so I'll just rubbish anyway.

15:57Well, it's actually all true, Wes.

15:58I was at that party with Johnny Friedlander,

16:00and believe me,

16:01Rupert's never been monogamous in his life.

16:04I mean, until now.

16:06So even the tree woman had one sting?

16:08Well, it sounds jolly-tying.

16:10Look at you.

16:11You're all as bad as each other,

16:13snickering schoolboys.

16:14OK, I think it should take

16:15more than a carinium smear campaign

16:17to pull us apart.

16:19Freddie,

16:20you're very quiet.

16:22We'll struggle to do it without Rupert.

16:25It's not just the profile.

16:26Well, we need his financial stake.

16:30But?

16:30But a good public reputation

16:33is crucial for a company.

16:35And Rupert's flushed ours down the car's.

16:39I spoke to my father.

16:41What did he say?

16:44Toshi?

16:45Nandate?

16:48Rupert's investment is covered.

16:51But?

16:52But Rupert will be able to get away from Rupert.

16:59So...

17:00Toshi's dad

17:01will cover Rupert's stake.

17:03But he needs to know

17:05that he's not part of the company anymore.

17:08Phone, Daddy.

17:10Not now, sweetheart.

17:11It is for me.

17:12She says it's urgent.

17:14Go.

17:15Just press pause, OK?

17:21I got a tag.

17:22Hello, love.

17:24Natalie Pro has got food poisoning.

17:26She can't go on tonight.

17:27I'm odd, darling.

17:28I really can't.

17:29I'm going on for her.

17:32To play.

17:33Nora.

17:34Can you come?

17:35If you got in the car now,

17:37you'd make curtain up.

17:38Have you seen the newspapers?

17:41It's Rupert.

17:42He's always in some scrape or other.

17:44I need you.

17:46Please?

17:47Don't worry, love.

17:48You'll be wonderful.

17:49My guys are tearing each other to bits here.

17:51If I leave now, the company could crumble.

17:53What?

17:53You're not coming?

17:54It's venture, love.

18:00But it's not dishonest, is it?

18:02Rupert is just Rupert.

18:04Always has been.

18:04Take it or leave it.

18:05I mean, I personally think people find it refreshing.

18:07The Archbishop doesn't.

18:09Doesn't he have anything better to do?

18:10I mean, how narrow-minded and prurient do you have to be to think this is a problem?

18:14How thoughtless and ignorant do you have to be to think it isn't?

18:16I thought you were a bohemian.

18:18Who here doesn't have a past?

18:19Not one that B.T. Johnson would be interested in.

18:21Well, I don't imagine she gets down to Glyndebourne now.

18:23I'm sorry.

18:24It's him or me.

18:25Hey, whatever happened to loyalty?

18:26Cameron.

18:27Us against the world?

18:29Are we going to take this?

18:30Let's face it.

18:31A direct attack from Tony Battingham.

18:32Are we going to take it lying down?

18:34I'm all for love and forgiveness, but I simply don't see how our franchise bid can survive this.

18:39What about we just take a vote?

18:40Democracy in action.

18:42Fuck democracy!

18:43Democracy!

18:48You know what I mean.

18:50You can abstain, Cameron.

18:53You better go while we vote.

18:56Mike, Patrick, you're not on the board, so you should step out as well.

19:01This isn't the venturer I signed up for.

19:09Rupert would swim through shark-infested water for any one of you if this were the other way around.

19:13Whatever you decide, please, God, have the grace to wait until after the election before you tell him he's been

19:19subjected to another vote.

19:28You okay?

19:29This is such a fucking mess.

19:32Why do you defend him?

19:33Because I love him.

19:36Because he fought for me.

19:38Now is my time to fight for him.

19:45Okay.

19:48How do we do this?

20:07Coffee?

20:09No, thank you.

20:10It's not a question, Sid.

20:15The Times, the Telegraph, Today, the Mail, the Mirror, the Scorpion.

20:20You're on the front page of all of them.

20:23Photographers have already set up camp outside, waiting for you to leave.

20:26I'm glad to see you've dressed up for my dressing down.

20:29For God's sake, Rupert, grow up.

20:35We're all tired of the wanton schoolboy playing everything for a laugh.

20:41Might have been endearing in a young buck, but in a man nearing 40, I'm afraid it's long ago passed

20:48over into pathetic.

20:52Right.

20:54Needless to say, Helen's furious.

20:57Needless to say.

20:58Oh, she knew you'd been unfaithful to her during the marriage, but she had no idea of the scale of

21:04her humiliation.

21:04Thank God you saved her from me.

21:08We both know I didn't take Helen from you.

21:12You'd broken her a long time before I put her back together.

21:17And I'm damned if I'll let you break her again.

21:20Oh, come on, Malise.

21:22Who doesn't have their sexual peccadillas?

21:25I know Helen's tastes are pretty vanilla, but I'm sure you've used your riding crop on her a couple of

21:28times.

21:30Your daughter was in tears this morning.

21:32Because she's afraid that you're going to die of AIDS.

21:38You've lost your wife, and you're about to lose your children.

21:43Because you can't keep your bloody cock inside your trousers.

21:47Of course, the irony in all that is...

21:53is that I have stopped.

21:55Everything she exposed in that broadcast was years ago.

21:59Oh, really?

21:59Sarah Stratton, Natalie Perrault.

22:03Months ago, and...

22:06They were the last.

22:11I'm not excusing what's happened, but...

22:16Beauty let me confide in her at a time when I needed to,

22:20and I had no idea she was recording every word of it to use against me later.

22:25Of course, I told her hundreds of good things about Helen, but...

22:28They didn't broadcast any of that, but...

22:31Don't worry.

22:33I'll get what I deserve.

22:35I'm going to lose my seat tonight.

22:38Yes.

22:39Most likely.

22:40But you'd been dropped from the national team before and bounced back.

22:44You learned then, didn't you?

22:46Pulled yourself together.

22:48And Timmy died.

22:54I swore if I couldn't look after him, I'd take good care of the young riders on the team.

22:59Keep you close.

23:01Stop you repeating your mistakes again and again.

23:06But, of course, it was hopeless.

23:08I used to blame myself.

23:11But the rot in you had set in long before I came on the scene.

23:15Your father gave you the worst possible example.

23:19You can do better for your children.

23:21They love you, the poor little buggers.

23:27For me?

23:29Put these on.

23:31And go and cast your vote with dignity.

23:57Hope I can count on your vote, Melise.

24:01I shall be voting for the Liberals.

24:12Oh.

24:13Natalie's not on tonight.

24:15Tonight the Aurora will be played by Mordo Harmer.

24:18Oh, God, it gets worse.

24:19Let's just go for dinner.

24:20Oh, no, no.

24:21Let's go for a chance.

24:22Now we're here.

24:23We'd only be at home waiting for the results.

24:25Oh, darling.

24:26Oh.

24:30Later tonight we'll be bringing you all the live updates from the central south-west region.

24:35Plus, in-depth analysis of the results as they come in.

24:38Served with a generous helping of Carilion charm.

24:41Oh.

24:42Look, there's daddy.

24:43But first, let's go over to the ITN newsroom.

24:46Good evening.

24:47The campaigns are over.

24:49The polls are open.

24:51Three hours to go until 30.

24:58I know I shouldn't be here.

24:59I just wanted to talk to you.

25:01It's been a terrible day.

25:05I thought if James was on the telly, he couldn't be here, so.

25:08Oh.

25:10Well, I'm cooking supper for the children.

25:13Of course.

25:14I'm sorry.

25:15Is that a potato waffle?

25:17Mm-hmm.

25:17Because, um, we haven't eaten all day.

25:23We've been arguing about Rupert.

25:25Oh.

25:25Declan's head has put it to a vote.

25:27Oh.

25:28What did you do?

25:29I voted for Rupert to stay.

25:31Oh, good.

25:32Of course he's behaved awfully, but I've always felt it's our job as his friends to stay loyal,

25:37to steer him onto the path.

25:40We've all done things.

25:44I knew you was going to say something wise like that.

25:48Val's worried he's going to invite us in for a threesome,

25:50so she's ripped out all the Pampers grass, just in case.

25:54But Rupert's staying.

25:56Well, Declan's got the casting vote.

25:58I left him to it.

25:59It didn't feel right.

26:00Mommy!

26:04I'm going to go on.

26:10Where do you stand on fish fingers?

26:14I can't get enough of them.

26:24Okay, come on upstairs now for teeth brushing, please.

26:28No!

26:28You better listen to your mum or all your teeth will fall out.

26:32Oh, no.

26:33I've got no teeth.

26:36Where's your teeth going?

26:38You're funny, Mr Jones.

26:40Thank you, Mr Verica.

26:41I'm Sebastian.

26:43Well, I'm Freddie.

26:44Freddie!

26:45Okay, upstairs now!

26:50Why are we posh people called Sebastian?

26:52We're not posh people.

26:53You're posher than me.

26:56Oh!

26:57Oh, dear.

26:58Are you all right?

27:00Yeah.

27:01Have you got a wheelchair?

27:03Well, James treats me like a wheelchair, something you can fall back on in old age.

27:12Why did you marry him?

27:18Why did you marry him?

27:18Because he asked me.

27:25Why did you marry Valerie?

27:29I loved her.

27:35Mommy!

27:38I should go.

27:49Mommy!

28:01I love you.

28:18Come.

28:36Good night, Freddy.

28:40Good night, Lizzie.

29:02Ta-da!

29:05Blimey.

29:06Look at you.

29:07Oh, doesn't he look fantastic?

29:10We spent the whole day at the school outfitters.

29:13Proper gentleman.

29:15He looks like a penguin.

29:16Sharon, stop it!

29:21Look what we've done, eh?

29:25Our boy.

29:27I'm proud of you.

29:31We've got everything on the list.

29:32Cricket kit.

29:34Football kit.

29:35Swimming kit.

29:35Tennis kit.

29:36Rugby kit.

29:37Fencing kit.

29:38All the kits.

29:39I'm proud of you and all.

29:41There won't be many Joneses boys on that rugby team all this, son, eh?

29:45Now, Eaton rule says we can't see you for the first month.

29:48So you're gonna have to be brave, Wayne.

29:49Okay?

29:50No crying like a ninny.

29:52Now, most of them other boys, they've been away from home since they were babies.

29:56Sharon, come on.

29:57Stop being so lazy and help me get the rest of the bags out of the car, you lump.

30:01Honestly.

30:10Don't worry, I'm gonna cope, not seeing that cheeky little mug for that long.

30:15You sure you want this?

30:16Yes.

30:17It makes Mum happy.

30:20Can I take this off now?

30:22Yes, sir.

30:23Go on.

30:33Wasn't she wonderful?

30:36A revelation.

30:38I think you may have found your Titania.

30:42Maud, I couldn't cast Maud O'Hara.

30:44Declan would howl.

30:45Let's go round and see her, shall we?

30:55Congratulations.

30:55Woman of the hour.

30:57Woman of the half-hour call.

31:00I mean, this is unexpected and nice.

31:05After thinking I didn't have anyone in tonight.

31:07Yes, I'm sorry none of your family were there.

31:09I'm not.

31:10Tony, isn't he awful?

31:12I'm not complaining, this is extremely nice wine.

31:16We usually end up at a sticky table at the Cochin Horses.

31:19Well, not for long.

31:21Tony, tell her.

31:22Ah, yes.

31:24Monica's had an idea.

31:25Oh.

31:25And I think it's a rather good one.

31:27I would like to offer you a role in Carinium's production of A Midsummer Night's Dream.

31:33The leading lady, Titania, Queen of the Fairies.

31:37I think Ward knows her Shakespeare, darling.

31:40As our flagship project.

31:41Film that Carinium with a live audience, broadcast on the network, with a subsequent video release for schools all over

31:49the country.

31:49It's going to have quite a reach.

31:51What?

31:52God.

31:54I mean, thank you.

31:57I mean, obviously I'll have to speak with my...

32:00Your husband, yes, of course.

32:02I was going to say my agent.

32:05Oh, Ibsen would be pride.

32:30Ready to go live, studio?

32:32Countdown to hand over to ITN.

32:34In five, four, three...

32:41Good evening.

32:43And welcome to the Cotswold Roundup election special.

32:46Let's go over to our outside broadcast unit in Conchester now.

32:51Where I am being told, yes, Paul Stratton has retained his seat for the Conservatives.

32:57I'd like to give thanks to all my supporters, my constituency staff,

33:01to my wonderful secretary, Samantha.

33:05And, of course, I would like to thank my daughters, Penelope and Cressida,

33:10to my father, Desmond Stratton QC, for his sage advice during this election.

33:15And, finally, to my schnauzer, Sultan, for being there.

33:21Poor boy, Sultan.

33:23Paul Stratton holds Cotswold for the Conservatives.

33:26All eyes now turn to Chalford and Brisbane,

33:28where Rupert Campbell Blackspeed hangs in the balance

33:30after last night's shocking expose.

33:32Over to James and his swing-o-meter.

33:34Paul Stratton retaining his majority by more than 15,000.

33:38A decisive win there.

33:40Oh, no, don't go that way.

33:41No, no, no, no, no.

33:44I'll just hold it.

33:45Don't mean a thing if it ain't got that swing.

33:48Beat it.

33:50Head up, OK?

33:52Act like nothing's wrong and people will believe it.

33:55Whatever happens, I just want to say it has been an honour to serve with you and...

34:00All right, Jill, I'm not going over the top.

34:03Ready?

34:06Ready.

34:25Chalford and Bisley are about to declare.

34:27Stand by for outside broadcast.

34:30And I'm just hearing now that we can go over to Chalford and Bisley

34:33for the announcement of today's results.

34:35We weren't expecting you back tonight, Tony.

34:36I wouldn't make this for the world.

34:39And cut to outside broadcast.

34:44As returning officer for the Chalford and Bisley constituency,

34:47I hereby declare that the total number of votes for each candidate was as follows.

34:52Michael Seaborne, Labour Party candidate, 5,342.

35:00David Edwards, known as Ba-Ba, Woolly Ramsbottom, Cotswold Looney Party, 283.

35:10Margaret Baldwin, Liberal Party, 24,292.

35:18Rupert Campbell Black, Conservative Party.

35:2836,272.

35:31I do hereby declare that Rupert Campbell Black is duly elected member of parliament for Chalford and Bisley.

35:40And replace the seat for the Conservative Party.

35:47Go up, go up, go up.

35:49You don't even know how that happened.

35:51Who missed the point?

35:52Who missed the point?

35:53Who missed the point?

35:59Thank you, thank you all.

36:01I will do my absolute utmost to deserve your confidence.

36:06Onward.

36:08Rupert Campbell Black, re-elected as member of parliament for Chalford and Bisley.

36:12This is his girlfriend, television executive Cameron Cook.

36:17If you're just joining us, 88 results have been declared so far.

36:22In the last few moments, the strict Minister for Sport, Rupert Campbell Black,

36:25will surprise everyone by retaining the Chalford and Bisley.

36:45They just announced.

36:47He won, didn't he?

36:52How does he do it?

36:53He's still their Olympic hero.

36:55Not to those who really know him.

36:58He's even got you on side.

37:00Look.

37:01He still needs a father figure sometimes.

37:03Or maybe you still need a son.

37:07I'm sorry.

37:08I'm sorry.

37:10I sometimes think that you see Rupert through rose-tinted glasses because you missed Timmy.

37:16And it pains me because I'm pretty sure that Rupert is no kind of substitute.

37:20Rupert is a danger to everyone around him when he's a loose cannon.

37:24It's a good thing that he kept his seat.

37:26If Rupert were a woman, he would be tarred and feathered and dragged by his hair through the streets of

37:33Rochester.

37:33Oh, for God's sake.

37:33He gets a seat of parliament.

37:35All I get is to suffer by association.

37:37To look and feel stupid that I was ever married to him, that I ever had his children.

37:41No matter what I do, I will always be the Olympic hero's embarrassed first wife.

37:51Mom.

38:00What happened to you in Kenya?

38:04What?

38:06You never told me about Kenya.

38:09What happened to you there?

38:12No, no, I didn't.

38:16I didn't want to because I knew you'd think differently of me.

38:20Oh, and so you do.

38:23I think you should sleep in the spare room tonight.

38:29Which one?

38:38Hold a chicken in the air

38:41Stick a deck chair up your nuts

38:43Buy a jumbo jet

38:45And then bury all your clothes

38:47Take y'all let me grin

38:49Let it scratch your wrist and teeth

38:51Form a string portent

38:53And pretend your name is here

38:59Spin yourself alone

39:02Learn to speak around the home

39:04Climbing silent door

39:06Happy Rennerissimo

39:08Peter Rennercourt

39:10What the song is this?

39:13It's the chicken song.

39:14What?

39:15Um, spinning image, it's a parody

39:18Of what?

39:22Okay, come on, let's go home

39:23What?

39:24I just won the general bloody election

39:28Actually, Mrs. Thatcher just won the general bloody election

39:32Honey, I need to talk to you about Venture

39:34No, no, no, we're celebrating Venture won the election

39:42I'm going to bed

39:44Fine, fine, fine

39:45Oh, I'll come with you

39:47No, no, no

39:47Celebrate

39:50It's your party

39:52It's your party

39:53The song is like a crazy

39:54It's true in all the ages

39:56But true in all the men

40:00Hold a chicken in the air

40:03Stick a deck chair up your nuts

40:05Buy a jumbo jet

40:07And then bury on your part

40:13Take that, Dimbleby

40:16As always, the great British public voted for Mummy

40:18How about we go somewhere and celebrate?

40:20You and me?

40:21Why not?

40:22I'll check under the bed for tape recorders

40:27Okay then

40:28Really?

40:28No

40:32I thought you were wonderful, James

40:38Hey team

40:39Who's up for partying?

40:41I could have equipped my bridge

40:44Daisy

40:45Going somewhere nice?

40:46Knocking with the OB crew at the Cochester Arms

40:48Cider with the camera boys

40:50I've got, er

40:52Bolly in my dressing room

40:53No, thank you

40:55Come on, Daisy

40:55Why the sad face?

40:56Used to be much more up for partying

40:58Fuck off

41:00Little Daisy just told me to F off

41:08Deirdre?

41:09Yes, James

41:11Call me a cab home, there's a love

41:12Deirdre?

41:22Huh

41:26What is the report?

41:28I left him at the party

41:29Sticking a deck chair up his nose

41:34What's wrong now?

41:36Who wouldn't sit?

41:39Do you wanna be married to him or not?

41:41If you do, stop being a whiny little bitch and go back to your house.

41:46You can't talk to me like that.

41:47I just did.

42:02The buzz, darling, of revealing to the nation the results of their little pencil mark.

42:06Oh, you're brilliant.

42:08Beatty, bloody, bumfuck, bloody Johnson getting all the glory.

42:14Maybe next year I could ask for a bigger pendulum.

42:16Yes.

42:19Oh, speaking of pendulums.

42:23Looks like my election erection's coming out to play again.

42:27Yes, it is.

42:29Hmm?

42:34Oh, oh.

42:36Oh, I've brushed my teeth.

42:39Fine.

42:40We'll just have sex.

42:41Okay.

42:45Come on.

42:47Do you know, people really do underestimate me.

42:50I'd be shocked if after tonight Venturer don't try to poach me, or better yet, persuade me

42:54to be a mole, and be a fantastic double agent.

42:58Oh, open a little wider, Lizzie.

43:00I can't get it in.

43:02James the mole verica.

43:04There.

43:05That's the job, Lizzie.

43:06Good girl.

43:07Open up the bar.

43:08Oh.

43:10I am a mole and I live in a hole.

43:13I am a mole and I live in a hole.

43:16Do, do, do, do.

43:17I am a mole and I live in a...

43:21Oh.

43:35I am a kite and you are my bollard.

43:56Oh, darling.

43:58You're home.

44:00Congratulations.

44:02You won.

44:03I made you breakfast.

44:04You must be exhausted after all that celebrating.

44:10I'm so sorry about that stupid fight that we had.

44:15It was just my hormones.

44:17It wasn't your fault at all.

44:19But the baby?

44:20Your baby.

44:22I've been so mean to you, Paulie.

44:25I just want us to be a proper little family.

44:29I'm so happy.

44:37You know, some women find that the second trimester

44:45is the horniest three months of their life.

45:06Gerald.

45:07I was in bed.

45:10I've come to join you.

45:12Okay.

45:23I can't believe Rupert actually did it.

45:26He's Superman.

45:27Should I be jealous?

45:28I'd do anything for Rupert, but it's you I'm really in love with.

45:32You and Mrs Thatcher.

45:33Oh, I think my erection just died.

45:36No, no, really.

45:37Just stop talking about Mrs Thatcher.

45:40Sorry, sorry.

45:42You know I want to be an MP, Charles.

45:45And that's why you're getting married to a woman that you don't love

45:47and throwing away all your principles to work for a party

45:50that's taking away gay men's rights to even be considered human beings.

45:55I'm going to change things from the inside.

46:03Really?

46:15You know, Gerald congratulated me last night

46:17on being a perfect politician's wife.

46:21Gerald is very drunk.

46:24I mean, what does that even look like?

46:26Put up and shut up?

46:28Well, that's not your style, is it?

46:35You know I supported you

46:36because I don't think what happened to you was fair.

46:40I can't deny anything Petey said.

46:44It's all true.

46:45You don't have to.

46:48You are a whole person.

46:53And I love you.

47:05Let's have the dogs out.

47:13I adore you.

47:15Thank you for supporting me.

47:39Downing Street, we're just on the phone.

47:41Mrs. Thatcher wants to see you.

47:57I know it's smarts, darling.

47:59Whatever you think about Rupert.

48:01You know, I really couldn't do all this without your support.

48:04All your ideas.

48:06You're my secret weapon.

48:08It cuts both ways, darling.

48:10We're a team.

48:12I think we've come out of this unpleasantness stronger than ever.

48:15Look at him.

48:16I mean, who does it think he is?

48:18But he's a Lancelot.

48:19So fucks-a-lot.

48:26You'll stop this feud with Rupert now.

48:30Yes?

48:31Please.

48:34I will stop this feud with Rupert.

48:50How did last night go for your mother?

48:52Did she call?

48:52Mm-mm.

48:53She didn't call.

48:56Egg steady?

48:57No.

48:57I couldn't eat, Ty.

49:01Mrs. Thatcher's third landslide.

49:03Poor Mr. Kinnick should just give up.

49:05She's going to be Prime Minister forever.

49:07Change is hard.

49:09It scares people, so...

49:11They stick with the status quo.

49:14Well, that's depressing.

49:17It's ready.

49:18You've got to talk to Rupert.

49:21What have you decided?

49:26Surely if you won the election...

49:30I thought you'd want to know there's a press conference about to start at Downing Street.

49:34Let's hear what Maggie has to say for herself, then.

49:35It's not Mrs. Thatcher.

49:37It's Rupert.

49:44Thank you, gentlemen, ladies.

49:47I've spoken to Mrs. Thatcher in light of the uncensored programme the night before last

49:52and the coverage that broadcast generated.

49:55I told the Prime Minister that although I won my seat in yesterday's general election,

49:59I do not want the scandal around me to distract from the important work that our government is doing.

50:05It was therefore with deep regret that I tendered and the Prime Minister accepted

50:10my resignation as an MP and a minister.

50:16There'll be another statement in due course, gentlemen.

50:20Seems you've won after all, my lord.

50:30One down.

50:33Three to go.

50:45All right, tell me.

50:48Do you need me to go?

50:49Love, love, love will turn apart again.

51:14Love, love, love will turn apart again.

51:22Love, love, love will turn apart again.

51:29Love, love, love.

51:59Satsang with Mooji

52:21Satsang with Mooji

Rivals Season 2 Episode 3 | English Sub

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