- hace 10 horas
Cast: Groucho Marx, Harpo Marx, Chico Marx, Zeppo Marx, Margaret Dumont, Louis Calhern, Raquel Torres, Edgar Kennedy, Dennis O'Keefe
Director: Leo McCarey
Synopsis: The small state of Freedonia is in a financial mess, borrowing a huge sum of cash from wealthy widow Mrs. Teasdale. She insists on replacing the current president with crazy Rufus T. Firefly and mayhem erupts. To make matters worse, the neighboring state sends inept spies Chicolini and Pinky to obtain top secret information, creating even more chaos!
Director: Leo McCarey
Synopsis: The small state of Freedonia is in a financial mess, borrowing a huge sum of cash from wealthy widow Mrs. Teasdale. She insists on replacing the current president with crazy Rufus T. Firefly and mayhem erupts. To make matters worse, the neighboring state sends inept spies Chicolini and Pinky to obtain top secret information, creating even more chaos!
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CortometrajesTranscripción
00:00:11Quack! Quack! Quack!
00:00:41I'm
00:00:41yeah
00:00:41yeah
00:00:41Oh, my God!
00:01:12Mrs. Teasdale.
00:01:13Yes, Your Excellency.
00:01:14I again ask you to reconsider.
00:01:16Gentlemen, I've already loaned Fredonia more than half the fortune my husband left me.
00:01:21I consider that money lost.
00:01:23And now, you're asking for another $20 million.
00:01:27But it will only be for a few months to meet this present emergency.
00:01:30With $20 million in the Treasury, we can announce an immediate reduction in the taxes.
00:01:34That's all that the people are asking for.
00:01:35I'm sorry, but I'm inclined to agree with the people.
00:01:38The government has been mismanaged.
00:01:40What?
00:01:40I will lend the money, but only on condition that His Excellency withdraw and place the government in new hands.
00:01:46You asked me to give up my office?
00:01:47Yes, Your Excellency.
00:01:49In a crisis like this, I feel Fredonia needs a new leader.
00:01:52A progressive, fearless fighter.
00:01:54A man like Rufus T. Firefly.
00:01:56A Rufus T. Firefly?
00:01:58I will lend the money to Fredonia only if Firefly is appointed leader.
00:02:26The Honorable Secretary of Finance and Party.
00:02:39His Excellency, Ambassador Trentino of Sylvania.
00:02:52Ambassador.
00:02:53Ambassador.
00:02:53Mrs. Deasdale.
00:02:55It was so good of you to come.
00:02:57I'm anxious for you to meet the new leader of our country.
00:02:59No matter who rules in Fredonia, Mrs. Deasdale, to me, you will always be the first lady of the land.
00:03:04Oh, permit me.
00:03:06This is Miss Vera Markell, Ambassador Trentino.
00:03:09Miss Markell needs no introduction.
00:03:10I've seen her dance many times at the theater.
00:03:15The Honorable Pantu of Muff Pans.
00:03:17I'm Mr. Greasy Summer.
00:03:26Now, what have you found out?
00:03:27Nothing.
00:03:27I'll be waiting to hear from you.
00:03:28I've given up the idea of a revolution.
00:03:30I have a better plan.
00:03:31Oh, yes.
00:03:32I can gain control of Fredonia much easier by marrying Mrs. Deasdale.
00:03:36Maybe that's not going to be so easy.
00:03:38Eh?
00:03:38Oh, from what I hear.
00:03:40You see, Mrs. Deasdale is rather sweet on this Rufus T. Firefly.
00:03:44Oh, well, that's where you come in.
00:03:45I'm going to place him in your hands.
00:03:47And I don't have to tell you what to do or how to.
00:03:50Careful.
00:03:52I want you to meet His Excellency's secretary, Bob Roland.
00:03:56Ambassador Trentino.
00:03:57How do you do, sir?
00:03:58How do you do?
00:03:58Miss Markell.
00:03:59We've met.
00:04:00Of course.
00:04:01Well, I hope His Excellency gets here soon.
00:04:04His Excellency makes it a point always to be on time.
00:04:06As long as I've known him, he's never been late for an appointment.
00:04:09His Excellency is due to take his station, beginning his new administration.
00:04:16He'll make his appearance when the clock on the wall strikes ten.
00:04:22When the clock on the wall strikes ten.
00:04:27All you loyal ladies and you patriotic men.
00:04:31Let's sing the national anthem when the clock on the wall strikes ten.
00:04:45His Excellency is due to take his station, beginning his new administration.
00:04:53He'll make his appearance when the clock on the wall strikes ten.
00:05:06We'll give him a rousing cheer to show him we're glad he's here.
00:05:11Hail, hail, hail, freedom, young.
00:05:26Land of the crash and crash.
00:05:47Hail, hail, hail, freedom, young.
00:05:51Land of the crash and crash.
00:06:01Hail, hail, hail, freedom, young.
00:06:04Land of the crash and crash.
00:06:18You expecting somebody?
00:06:20Yes.
00:06:21Hail, hail, hail, freedom, young.
00:06:25Land of the crash and crash.
00:06:30Oh, Your Excellency.
00:06:33We've been expecting you.
00:06:35As chairwoman of the reception committee,
00:06:37I extend the good wishes of every man, woman, and child of Fredonia.
00:06:41Never mind that stuff. Take a card.
00:06:43Card? What will I do with the card?
00:06:44You can keep it. I've got 51 left.
00:06:46Now, what were you saying?
00:06:47As chairwoman of the reception committee,
00:06:50I welcome you with open arms.
00:06:51Is that so? How late do you stay open?
00:06:54I've sponsored your appointment
00:06:56because I feel you are the most able statesman in all Fredonia.
00:06:59Well, that covers a lot of ground.
00:07:01Say, you cover a lot of ground yourself.
00:07:02You better beat it.
00:07:03I hear they're going to take you down
00:07:04and put up an office building where you're standing.
00:07:06You can leave in a taxi.
00:07:07If you can't get a taxi, you can leave in a huff.
00:07:09If that's too soon, you can leave in a minute and a huff.
00:07:11You know you haven't stopped talking since I came here?
00:07:13You must have been vaccinated with a phonograph needle.
00:07:15The future of Fredonia rests on you.
00:07:18Promise me you'll follow in the footsteps of my husband.
00:07:23How do you like that?
00:07:24I haven't been on the job five minutes
00:07:25and already she's making advances to me.
00:07:27Not that I care, but where is your husband?
00:07:29Why, he's dead.
00:07:31I'll bet he's just using that as an excuse.
00:07:33I was with him till the very end.
00:07:35No wonder he passed away.
00:07:36I held him in my arms and kissed him.
00:07:40Oh, I see. Then it was murder.
00:07:42Will you marry me? Did he leave you any money?
00:07:44Answer the second question first.
00:07:45He left me his entire fortune.
00:07:47Is that so?
00:07:48Can't you see what I'm trying to tell you?
00:07:49I love you.
00:07:51Oh, Your Excellency.
00:07:53You're not so bad yourself.
00:07:55Oh, I want to present you
00:07:58Ambassador Trentino of Salvania.
00:08:00Having him with us today is indeed a great pleasure.
00:08:03Thank you, but I can't stay very long.
00:08:05That's even a greater pleasure.
00:08:06Now, how about lending this country 20 million dollars,
00:08:09you old-skinned Flint?
00:08:0920 million dollars is a lot of money.
00:08:11I'd like to take that up with my Minister of Finance.
00:08:13Well, in the meantime,
00:08:14could you let me have $12 until payday?
00:08:16$12?
00:08:17Don't be scared. You'll get it back.
00:08:19I'll give you my personal note for 90 days.
00:08:20If it isn't paid by then, you can keep the note.
00:08:22Your Excellency,
00:08:23haven't we seen each other somewhere before?
00:08:26I don't think so.
00:08:26I'm not sure I'm seeing you now.
00:08:27It must be something I ate.
00:08:29Look here, sir.
00:08:30Are you trying to...
00:08:31Don't look now.
00:08:33But there's one man too many in this room,
00:08:34and I think it's you.
00:08:36Oh, I'm so sorry.
00:08:39I want you to meet a very charming lady.
00:08:42And it's about time.
00:08:43Just a moment.
00:08:45I want to present Miss Vera Markell.
00:08:47Go ahead. I can take it.
00:08:49Oh, you don't understand.
00:08:51This is Vera Markell, the famous dancer.
00:08:54Is that so?
00:08:54Can you do this one?
00:08:59I danced before Napoleon.
00:09:01No, Napoleon danced before me.
00:09:03In fact, he danced 200 years before me.
00:09:05Here's one I picked up in a dance hall.
00:09:09Here's another one I picked up in a dance hall.
00:09:13Perhaps sometime we get a chance to dance together, huh?
00:09:17I can dance with you till the cows come home.
00:09:19On second thought,
00:09:20I'd rather dance with the cows than you come home.
00:09:23Where's my secretary?
00:09:24Here I am.
00:09:25How would you heaven, Your Excellency?
00:09:27Uh, take a letter.
00:09:28Who to?
00:09:29To my dentist.
00:09:30Uh, dear dentist,
00:09:32enclosed fine check for $500,
00:09:34yours very truly.
00:09:34Send that off immediately.
00:09:36I'll, uh,
00:09:36I'll have to enclose the check first.
00:09:38You do, and I'll fire you.
00:09:39Your Excellency,
00:09:40the eyes of the world are upon you.
00:09:43Notables from every country
00:09:44are gathered here in your honor.
00:09:46This is a gala day for you.
00:09:49Well, a gala day is enough for me.
00:09:50I don't think I can handle any more.
00:09:52If it's not asking too much.
00:09:55For our information,
00:09:57just for illustration,
00:10:00tell us how you intend to run the nation.
00:10:05These are the laws of my administration.
00:10:10No one's allowed to smoke
00:10:11or tell a dirty joke
00:10:13and whistling is forbidden.
00:10:15We're not allowed to tell a dirty joke.
00:10:19Then, will we go young?
00:10:21If chewing gum is chewed,
00:10:23the chewer is pursued
00:10:24and in the hooskow hidden.
00:10:26If we choose to chew,
00:10:27we'll be pursued.
00:10:29If any form of pleasure is exhibited,
00:10:32report to me and it will be prohibited.
00:10:35I'll put my foot down,
00:10:36so shall it be.
00:10:38This is the land of the free.
00:10:42The last man nearly ruined this place.
00:10:43He didn't know what to do with it.
00:10:45If you think this country's bad off now,
00:10:46just wait till I get through with it.
00:10:53The country's taxes must be fixed
00:10:54and I know what to do with it.
00:10:56If you think you're paying too much now,
00:10:57just wait till I get through with it.
00:11:05I will not stand for anything
00:11:06that's crooked or unfair.
00:11:08I'm strictly on the up and up,
00:11:10so everyone beware.
00:11:11If anyone's caught taking graft
00:11:13and I don't get my share,
00:11:15we stand them up against the wall
00:11:16and help goes the weasel.
00:11:18So everyone beware,
00:11:20crooked or unfair.
00:11:21Don't let the stake of business
00:11:22that's easy if you can.
00:11:27If any man should come
00:11:29between a husband and his bride,
00:11:30we find out which one she prefers
00:11:32by letting her decide.
00:11:33If she prefers the other man,
00:11:35the husband steps outside.
00:11:37We stand them up against the wall
00:11:38and pop goes the weasel.
00:11:49You have an appointment
00:11:51at the House of Representatives.
00:11:53Good heavens!
00:11:54You can't go with your trousers up.
00:11:56I can, eh?
00:11:57Well, they'll never catch me any other way.
00:11:59My car!
00:12:00His Excellency's car!
00:12:01His Excellency's car!
00:12:02His Excellency's car!
00:12:05His Excellency's car!
00:12:08His Excellency's car!
00:12:32Now step on!
00:12:41Well, it certainly feels good
00:12:42to be back again.
00:12:59I have failed, Ambassador.
00:13:01I know it.
00:13:01I know it, you idiot.
00:13:02I'm sorry.
00:13:03You have muddled everything.
00:13:05If you'd started the revolution
00:13:06as I planned,
00:13:07during the turmoil,
00:13:08I could have stepped in
00:13:09and placed Fredonia
00:13:10under the Sylvainian flag.
00:13:11Our flag!
00:13:12But Firefly blocked us!
00:13:14Your Excellency,
00:13:15you have no idea
00:13:16how popular he is in Fredonia!
00:13:17Oh, yes.
00:13:18I've known of that, too.
00:13:19That's why I have
00:13:20two spies shadowing him.
00:13:22I want to find out
00:13:22something about him.
00:13:23Something to disgrace him.
00:13:25To discredit him
00:13:26with the people.
00:13:27Ambassador,
00:13:28Ciccolini and Pinky are here.
00:13:30Ah, these are my spies.
00:13:31Show them in.
00:13:32Wait outside.
00:13:32All right.
00:13:41We fool you good, eh?
00:13:44Gentlemen!
00:13:53Gentlemen, what is this?
00:13:54Shh!
00:13:55This is spy stuff.
00:14:02A telegram for you, sir.
00:14:04No.
00:14:10He gets mad
00:14:11because he can't read.
00:14:12Oh, I see.
00:14:13Well, gentlemen,
00:14:14we have serious matters
00:14:15to discuss,
00:14:15so please be seated.
00:14:18Rock-a-bye.
00:14:19Gentlemen, gentlemen.
00:14:20Now then,
00:14:20about that information...
00:14:21Wait, wait, wait, wait.
00:14:22Here, have a cigar.
00:14:23Ah, that's a good quarter cigar.
00:14:26I smoked the other
00:14:26three quarters myself.
00:14:27Yes, well, no thank you.
00:14:28I have one of my own.
00:14:29Here, try one of these.
00:14:33Yeah, it's no good.
00:14:42That's a good cigar.
00:14:43That's a fine.
00:14:45That's a good cigar.
00:14:50Now let's concentrate.
00:14:51Have you been trailing Firefly?
00:14:54Have we been trailing Firefly?
00:14:56Why, my partner,
00:14:58he's got a nose
00:14:58just like a bloodhound.
00:14:59Really?
00:15:00Yeah, and the rest of his face
00:15:01don't look so good either.
00:15:04Look, we find out
00:15:05all about this, Firefly.
00:15:06Here, look at this.
00:15:07Ah, very good, very good.
00:15:09Wait a minute.
00:15:09We must not be disturbed.
00:15:13Yes, sir?
00:15:14This is a very important conference,
00:15:16and I do not wish
00:15:16to be interrupted.
00:15:17Yes, sir.
00:15:19Ah, ah, ah, ah.
00:15:22Gentlemen,
00:15:23we are not
00:15:24getting anywhere.
00:15:30Get out!
00:15:33Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah.
00:15:34And now, gentlemen,
00:15:36please,
00:15:36will you tell me
00:15:38what you found out
00:15:39about Firefly?
00:15:40Well, you remember
00:15:41you gave us a picture
00:15:42of this man
00:15:42and said follow him?
00:15:43Oh, yes.
00:15:44Well, we get on the job
00:15:45right away,
00:15:46and in the one hour,
00:15:47even in less than one hour,
00:15:48yes,
00:15:49we lose the pigs.
00:15:50That's a pretty quick work, eh?
00:15:52But I asked you
00:15:52to dig up something
00:15:53I can use against Firefly.
00:15:54Did you bring me his record?
00:15:58No, no!
00:16:02And the boy gets a cigar.
00:16:04Ah!
00:16:08Now, Ciccolini,
00:16:09I want a full,
00:16:10detailed report
00:16:11of your investigation.
00:16:12All right,
00:16:12I tell you.
00:16:13Monday,
00:16:14we watched
00:16:14Firefly's house,
00:16:15but he no come out.
00:16:16He wasn't home.
00:16:18Tuesday,
00:16:18we go to the ball game,
00:16:19but he fool us.
00:16:20He no show up.
00:16:21Wednesday,
00:16:21he go to the ball game,
00:16:22and we fool him.
00:16:23We no show up.
00:16:25Thursday,
00:16:25it was a doubleheader.
00:16:26Nobody show up.
00:16:27Friday,
00:16:27it rained all day.
00:16:28There was no ball game.
00:16:29So,
00:16:30we stayed home,
00:16:30we listened to her
00:16:31over the radio.
00:16:31Then you didn't
00:16:32shadow Firefly.
00:16:34Oh, sure,
00:16:35we shadow Fire.
00:16:35We shadow him all day.
00:16:36But what day was that?
00:16:37Saturday.
00:16:39That's some joke,
00:16:40eh, boss?
00:16:42Now,
00:16:43will you tell me
00:16:44what happened on Saturday?
00:16:45I'm glad you asked me.
00:16:47We followed this man
00:16:48down to a roadhouse,
00:16:49and at this roadhouse,
00:16:50he meet a married lady.
00:16:51A married lady?
00:16:52Yeah,
00:16:52I think it was his wife.
00:16:53Firefly has no wife?
00:16:54No.
00:16:55No.
00:16:56Then you know
00:16:57what I think, boss?
00:16:57What?
00:16:58I think we followed
00:16:59the wrong man.
00:17:01Oh, gentlemen,
00:17:02I am disappointed.
00:17:04I have trusted you
00:17:05with a mission
00:17:05of great importance,
00:17:06and you failed.
00:17:09However,
00:17:09I am going to give you
00:17:10one more chance.
00:17:12I have credentials here
00:17:14that will get you
00:17:15into any place
00:17:16in Fredonia,
00:17:17if I can only...
00:17:18Ah,
00:17:19here we are.
00:17:21Now,
00:17:22are you sure
00:17:22that you can trap Firefly?
00:17:25Firefly?
00:17:27Remember this time,
00:17:28I expect results.
00:17:29Goodbye,
00:17:30and good luck.
00:17:31Okay, Cap.
00:17:33Come on, Pinky.
00:17:34Goodbye.
00:17:36Goodbye.
00:17:41Now.
00:18:01All right.
00:18:02Meetings call to order.
00:18:04Your Excellency,
00:18:05here's the Treasury Department's report.
00:18:06I hope you'll find it clear.
00:18:09Clear?
00:18:10Why,
00:18:10a four-year-old child
00:18:11could understand this report.
00:18:13Run out and find me
00:18:14a four-year-old child.
00:18:15I can't make a head
00:18:15or tail out of it.
00:18:17And now,
00:18:17members of the Cabinet,
00:18:19we'll take up old business.
00:18:20I wish to discuss the tariff.
00:18:22Sit down.
00:18:22That's new business.
00:18:23No old business?
00:18:25Very well.
00:18:25And we'll take up new business.
00:18:27Know about that tariff?
00:18:28Too late.
00:18:28That's old business already.
00:18:29Sit down.
00:18:31Gentlemen,
00:18:32as your Secretary of War,
00:18:33I...
00:18:33The Secretary of War
00:18:34is out of order,
00:18:35which reminds me,
00:18:36so is the plumbing.
00:18:36Make a note of that.
00:18:38Never mind.
00:18:38I'll do it myself.
00:18:42The Department of Labor
00:18:43wishes a report
00:18:44that the workers of Fredonia
00:18:45are demanding shorter hours.
00:18:47Very well.
00:18:47We'll give them shorter hours.
00:18:48We'll start by cutting
00:18:49their lunch hour
00:18:50to 20 minutes.
00:18:51And now, gentlemen,
00:18:52we've got to start
00:18:53looking for a new treasurer.
00:18:54But you appointed one last week.
00:18:56That's the one I'm looking for.
00:18:57Gentlemen,
00:18:58gentlemen,
00:18:58enough of this.
00:19:00How about taking up the tax?
00:19:01How about taking up the carpet?
00:19:03I still insist
00:19:04we must take up the tax.
00:19:05He's right.
00:19:05You've got to take up the tax
00:19:06before you can take up the carpet.
00:19:08I give all my time
00:19:10and energy to my duties
00:19:11and what do I get?
00:19:12You get awfully tiresome
00:19:13after a while.
00:19:14Sir,
00:19:14you try my patience.
00:19:15I don't mind if I do.
00:19:16You must come over
00:19:17and try mine sometime.
00:19:18That's the last straw.
00:19:19I resign.
00:19:20I wash my hands
00:19:21of the whole business.
00:19:23A good idea.
00:19:23You can wash your neck, too.
00:19:27Peanuts.
00:19:27Peanuts.
00:19:42Hey, come here.
00:19:44Trust the guy I want to see.
00:19:46What do you find out
00:19:47about this guy Firefly?
00:19:49You find out of something?
00:19:51You no find out of something?
00:19:52You spy on him?
00:19:54You no spy on him?
00:19:56That's the matter.
00:19:56All the time I talk
00:19:57you no say nothing.
00:19:59That's the matter.
00:19:59You no speak.
00:20:00I ain't that?
00:20:01Let's stop it.
00:20:02What do you find, eh?
00:20:04What do you find?
00:20:06That's no good.
00:20:08Hey, come here.
00:20:08You act crazy.
00:20:09What's the matter for you?
00:20:10What do you make a face like this?
00:20:11What's the matter for you?
00:20:12Ah, come on.
00:20:13You want to fight?
00:20:14You want to fight?
00:20:15Come on.
00:20:15I give you a fight.
00:20:17Hey, upstairs this time.
00:20:18No downstairs.
00:20:20Come on.
00:20:22Think of you what, eh?
00:20:35Hey, what's the idea of fighting in front of my place
00:20:37and driving my customers away?
00:20:39Hey, mister, you got a mistake of some place.
00:20:41I no fight.
00:20:42You understand that this guy,
00:20:43he's a worker for me.
00:20:44I ask him something,
00:20:45and he's not telling me nothing.
00:20:46I ask him why I no speak.
00:20:47All the time he no speak.
00:20:48What do you think he do?
00:20:48He make a fight,
00:20:49he go like this.
00:20:50Hey, what's the idea?
00:20:52Oh, that's not my idea.
00:20:53That's his idea.
00:20:54All the time I say something,
00:20:56he no say nothing.
00:20:56Every time I say...
00:20:57Will you shut up?
00:21:00Hey, listen.
00:21:01What are you doing around here?
00:21:03Who are you?
00:21:06Hey, can't you say...
00:21:09Can't you say anything?
00:21:10No, he no say nothing.
00:21:11Oh, shut up.
00:21:12I am a shut up,
00:21:13but mister, you don't understand.
00:21:14Look, he's a spy,
00:21:15and I'm a spy.
00:21:15He work up for me.
00:21:16I want him to find out something,
00:21:17but he no find out what I want to find out.
00:21:19Now, how am I going to find out
00:21:20what I want to find out
00:21:21if he don't find out
00:21:22what I got to find out?
00:21:23Will you quit annoying me?
00:21:24All right, I quit.
00:21:25All you got to do
00:21:26is to make him stop doing this.
00:21:30Now, just for that,
00:21:31I'm going to tell you
00:21:32to live from live,
00:21:33live from live.
00:21:37I'm going to take them
00:21:38to do the same thing.
00:21:50Now, you see,
00:21:51I no say one thing,
00:21:52mister, before one of you.
00:21:53No.
00:21:54No, honest.
00:21:58Go.
00:21:58Go.
00:21:59I don't think.
00:22:10I don't know.
00:22:45Oh, now, now, I'm going to get you.
00:22:54What are you doing?
00:22:55Oh, now, now, now, now, now.
00:23:24I'll teach you to kick me.
00:23:26You don't have to teach me.
00:23:27I know how.
00:23:31Stop it, Dully.
00:23:32Look out, then.
00:23:36Oh, that's so good, eh?
00:23:44Hey!
00:23:49You want to be a public nuisance?
00:23:51Sure.
00:23:51How much does the job pay?
00:23:53I've got a good mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.
00:23:55Be nuts to you.
00:23:58Have you got a license?
00:23:59License?
00:24:00No, but my dog, he's got millions of them.
00:24:03Believe me, he's some smart dog.
00:24:05You know he went with Admiral Boyd to the pole?
00:24:08I'll bet the dog got to the pole first.
00:24:10You win.
00:24:11Come on up here.
00:24:12I want to scare the cabinet.
00:24:16Hello?
00:24:18Hello?
00:24:18No.
00:24:19No, he's not in.
00:24:21All right.
00:24:21I tell him.
00:24:22Goodbye.
00:24:23That was for you.
00:24:24I'm sorry I'm not in.
00:24:26I wanted to have a long talk with you.
00:24:27Now, listen here.
00:24:28You give up that silly peanuts, Dan, and I'll get you a soft government job.
00:24:32Now, let's see.
00:24:33How would you like a job in the mint?
00:24:35Mint?
00:24:36No, no.
00:24:37I don't like a mint.
00:24:38What other flavor you got?
00:24:41Hello?
00:24:42Hello?
00:24:43No, not yet.
00:24:45All right.
00:24:46I tell him.
00:24:46Goodbye.
00:24:48That was for you again.
00:24:49I wonder whatever became of me.
00:24:51I should have been back here a long time ago.
00:24:54Now, listen here.
00:24:55I've got a swell job for you, but first I'll have to ask you a couple of important questions.
00:24:59Now, what is it that has four pair of pants, lives in Philadelphia, and it never rains but it pours?
00:25:07That's a good one.
00:25:08I give you three guesses.
00:25:09Now, let me see.
00:25:10Has four pair of pants, lives in Philadelphia.
00:25:13Is it male or female?
00:25:14No, I don't think so.
00:25:15Is he dead?
00:25:17Who?
00:25:18I don't know.
00:25:20I give up.
00:25:21I give up, too.
00:25:22Now, I ask you another one.
00:25:24What is it?
00:25:25Got a big black mustache, smokes a big black cigar, and he's a big pain in the neck.
00:25:31Now, don't tell me.
00:25:32He has a big black mustache, smokes a big black cigar, and there's a big pain in the...
00:25:40Does he wear glasses?
00:25:42That's right.
00:25:42You guess it quick.
00:25:43Just for that, you don't get the job I was going to give you.
00:25:45What job?
00:25:46Secretary of War.
00:25:47All right, I take it.
00:25:48Sold.
00:26:08You know, I'd be lost without a telephone.
00:26:10Hey, don't go away.
00:26:11I want to talk to you.
00:26:12Now, where were we?
00:26:13Oh, yes.
00:26:13Now that you're Secretary of War, what kind of an army do you think we ought to have?
00:26:16Well, I'll tell you what I think.
00:26:18I think we should have a standing army.
00:26:20Why should we have a standing army?
00:26:22Because then we save money on chairs.
00:26:28Peanuts.
00:26:31Scat.
00:26:41Say, who are you, anyway?
00:26:46I don't go on much for modern art.
00:26:47Have you got anything by one of the old masters?
00:26:54Not bad.
00:26:55You don't happen to have her telephone number.
00:27:03Say, you could be a big help to me.
00:27:05Where do you live?
00:27:10Well, it's not much of a place, but it's home.
00:27:14Meow.
00:27:19Well, I know one thing.
00:27:21I bet you haven't got a picture of my grandfather.
00:27:26Uh-uh.
00:27:27Not now.
00:27:29Some other time.
00:27:42Your Excellency.
00:27:44Quiet!
00:27:46This letter's the work of Trentino.
00:27:47The man is trying to undermine you.
00:27:49Now, what are you going to do about it?
00:27:50I've got a good mind to ring his doorbell and run.
00:27:53We've got to get rid of that man at once.
00:27:55Now, I've got a plan.
00:27:56You say something to make him mad,
00:27:57and he'll strike you.
00:27:59And we'll force him to leave the country.
00:28:01That's a swell plan.
00:28:02Why couldn't you arrange for me to strike him?
00:28:04Ambassador Trentino is a very sensitive man.
00:28:06Perhaps if you insult him.
00:28:08He's very easy to insult.
00:28:10Why said something to Vera Markell in his presence once
00:28:12and he slapped my face?
00:28:13Why didn't Vera slap your face?
00:28:14She did.
00:28:15What'd you say to her?
00:28:20You ought to be ashamed of yourself.
00:28:22Where'd you hear that story?
00:28:23Well, you told her to me.
00:28:24Oh, yes, I remember.
00:28:25I should have slapped Mrs. Teasdale's face
00:28:27when she told it to me.
00:28:29Where is Trentino?
00:28:30At Mrs. Teasdale's tea party.
00:28:32Was I invited?
00:28:32No.
00:28:33Take a letter.
00:28:36You are cordially invited to attend my tea party.
00:28:40Sign Mrs. Teasdale's name and tell her I accept.
00:28:42Come on, let's go.
00:28:52I've got an appointment to insult Ambassador Trentino.
00:28:54I don't want to keep him waiting.
00:28:55Step on him.
00:29:01This is the fifth trip I made today
00:29:02and I haven't been anywhere yet.
00:29:17You don't seem to be making much progress
00:29:19with Mrs. Teasdale, huh?
00:29:21How can I?
00:29:22Every time I get her in the right mood to say yes,
00:29:25Firefly pops in.
00:29:27Well, this is your opportunity.
00:29:29He won't be here today.
00:29:31Are you sure?
00:29:32Positive.
00:29:33I helped Mrs. Teasdale with the invitation.
00:29:37Oh.
00:29:38His Excellency, Rufus T. Firefly.
00:29:43Hail, hail, reloonium!
00:29:48Lord of the rain, fire rain!
00:29:58Gloria, I've waited for years.
00:30:00I can't be put off any longer.
00:30:01I love you.
00:30:01I want you.
00:30:02Can't you see I'm at your feet?
00:30:04When you get through with her feet,
00:30:05you can start on mine.
00:30:07If that isn't an insult, I don't know what is.
00:30:09Gloria, I love you.
00:30:10I realize how lonely you are.
00:30:12Can't we go someplace where we can be by ourselves?
00:30:14What can this mug offer you?
00:30:15Wealth and family?
00:30:16I can't give you wealth,
00:30:18but we can have a little family of our own.
00:30:21Oh, Rufus.
00:30:22All I can offer you is a Rufus over your head.
00:30:25Your Excellency, I really don't know what to say.
00:30:29I wouldn't know what to say either if I was in your place.
00:30:31Maybe you can suggest something.
00:30:33As a matter of fact, you do suggest something.
00:30:35To me, you suggest a baboon.
00:30:37What?
00:30:37I, uh, I'm sorry I said that.
00:30:39It isn't fair to the rest of the baboons.
00:30:42This man's conduct is inexcusable.
00:30:44I did not come here to be insulted.
00:30:47Oh, that's what you think.
00:30:49You swine.
00:30:49Come again?
00:30:50You worm.
00:30:51Once more?
00:30:52You upstart.
00:30:53That's it.
00:30:55Touché.
00:30:56Mrs. Steezer, I'm afraid this regrettable occurrence
00:30:57may plunge our countries into war.
00:30:59Oh, this is terrible.
00:31:00I've said enough.
00:31:01I'm a man of few words.
00:31:03I'm a man of one word.
00:31:04Scram.
00:31:05A man doesn't live.
00:31:06Who can call a firefly an upstart?
00:31:08Why, the Mayflower was full of fireflies.
00:31:10And a few horseflies, too.
00:31:11The fireflies run the upper deck
00:31:13and the horseflies run the fireflies.
00:31:17Good day, my sweet.
00:31:18Oh, Your Excellency, I must speak to you.
00:31:21I'll see you at the theater tonight.
00:31:22I'll hold you seat until you get there.
00:31:24After you get there, you're on your own.
00:31:25His Excellency's car.
00:31:27His Excellency's car.
00:31:31No, no, you don't.
00:31:32I'm not taking any more chances.
00:31:33You can only fool a firefly twice.
00:31:35This time, you ride in the sidecar.
00:31:51This is the only way to travel.
00:31:57Hey, Pinky, come here.
00:32:00Watch of the stand.
00:32:01Come on, Apostami.
00:32:03Come on.
00:32:03Come on.
00:32:05Come on.
00:32:05I'm going on.
00:33:49His Excellency will listen to reason.
00:33:51I am prepared to pocket my pride and forget about the whole matter, if he is.
00:33:55Ambassador, that's wonderful of you, but I'm afraid His Excellency won't hear of it.
00:33:59Oh, perhaps he will listen to you.
00:34:01Do you think so?
00:34:03Yes, of course.
00:34:04I'll call him.
00:34:15I hate to disturb you.
00:34:17I know you're a very busy man, but I must see you at once.
00:34:20Where are you?
00:34:22Oh.
00:34:23Why not come over here?
00:34:24You can come in the back way.
00:34:25No one will see you.
00:34:27Well, if you think of it, bring some cheese.
00:34:31But, Your Excellency, you must come over.
00:34:33It's a long story.
00:34:34I can't tell it to you over the phone.
00:34:36Oh, it's that kind of a story.
00:34:38You ought to be ashamed of yourself.
00:34:39I'll be right over.
00:34:41He'll be right over.
00:34:42Perhaps you'd better wait outside until I've had a chance to talk to him.
00:34:45Very well.
00:34:45We'll be out here if you want us.
00:34:59Oh.
00:35:00How'd you get in here?
00:35:01Oh, Your Excellency, I'm so sorry to have to disturb you.
00:35:04Will you ever forgive me?
00:35:06After I leave here tonight, will you ever forgive me?
00:35:09Here are the plans of war.
00:35:11They're as valuable as your life.
00:35:12And that's putting them pretty cheap.
00:35:13Watch them like a cat watches her kittens.
00:35:16Have you ever had kittens?
00:35:17No, of course not.
00:35:18You're too busy running around playing bridge.
00:35:20Can't you see what I'm trying to tell you?
00:35:21I love you.
00:35:22Why don't you marry me?
00:35:23Why, marry you?
00:35:25You take me and I'll take a vacation.
00:35:26I'll need a vacation if we're going to get married.
00:35:29Married.
00:35:29I can see you right now in the kitchen, bending over a hot stove.
00:35:33But I can't see the stove.
00:35:35Come, come, say the word and you'll never see me again.
00:35:39Gloria.
00:35:46Griffiths, what are you thinking of?
00:35:49Oh, I was just thinking of all the years I've wasted collecting stamps.
00:35:52Oh, I suppose you'll think me a sentimental old fluff.
00:35:58But would you mind giving me a lock of your hair?
00:36:02A lock of my hair?
00:36:05Oh, I had no idea.
00:36:06I'm letting you off easy.
00:36:07I was going to ask for the whole wig.
00:36:16So, you've come to ask for clemency.
00:36:18Your Excellency, the ambassador's here on a friendly visit.
00:36:21He's had a change of heart.
00:36:23A lot of good that'll do him.
00:36:24He's still got the same face.
00:36:27I'm sorry we lost our tempers.
00:36:28I'm willing to forget, if you are.
00:36:30Forget?
00:36:30You asked me to forget?
00:36:32A firefly never forgets.
00:36:34Why, my ancestors would rise from their graves and I'd only have to bury them again.
00:36:38Nothing doing.
00:36:39I'm going back and clean the crackers out of my bed.
00:36:41I'm expecting company.
00:36:43Please wait.
00:36:43Let go of me, you bully.
00:36:47I am willing to do anything to prevent this war.
00:36:50It's too late.
00:36:51I've already paid a month's rent on the battlefield.
00:36:53Oh, Your Excellency, isn't there something I can do?
00:36:57Yes, but I'll talk to you about that later.
00:36:59Won't you reconsider?
00:37:01Please relent, for my sake.
00:37:04Well, maybe I am a little headstrong.
00:37:06But I come by it honestly.
00:37:08My father was a little headstrong.
00:37:10My mother was a little armstrong.
00:37:12The headstrongs married the armstrongs, and that's why darkies were born.
00:37:17It was silly of me to lose my temper on the count of that little thing you called me.
00:37:21The little thing I called you.
00:37:22Why, what did I call you?
00:37:24Gosh, I don't even remember what it was.
00:37:28Well, do you mean a word?
00:37:31No, that wasn't it.
00:37:34Einhold, swine.
00:37:35Uh-uh.
00:37:36No, it was a seven-letter word.
00:37:39Oh, yes.
00:37:41Upstart.
00:37:41That's it.
00:37:42Upstart.
00:37:42Oh, please, please.
00:37:43Mrs. Teasdale, this man is impossible.
00:37:45This is an outrage.
00:37:45My course is clear.
00:37:46This means war.
00:37:47Oh.
00:37:48You runt.
00:37:49I still like Upstart the best.
00:37:51I shan't stay here a minute longer.
00:37:53Go, and never darken my towels again.
00:37:56My hat.
00:37:57My towel.
00:37:58Oh.
00:38:00I happen to know that Fredonia's plans of war are in Mrs. Teasdale's possession.
00:38:05I must get hold of them.
00:38:06Yes, but how?
00:38:07We have a weekend guest in Mrs. Teasdale's house.
00:38:10Miss Markell.
00:38:13Now, gentlemen, do you mind waiting for me outside?
00:38:16I'll join you in a moment.
00:38:17Certainly.
00:38:22Excuse me.
00:38:32Hello?
00:38:34Yes, I am alone.
00:38:35No, not yet.
00:38:36But, Vera, we've got to work fast.
00:38:38You must get hold of those plans tonight.
00:38:41Chickalini and his partner should be there any minute.
00:38:43Do everything you can to help them.
00:38:44But I must be very careful.
00:38:45There's another guest staying here for the weekend.
00:38:49Firefly.
00:38:50I don't know.
00:38:51I think he's asleep.
00:39:05Ring the bell.
00:39:10Push the button.
00:40:03You got the plans?
00:40:05No, but they're somewhere in the house, and you must find them.
00:40:08Oh, for heaven's sakes, whatever you do, don't make a sound.
00:40:11If you're found, you're lost.
00:40:12Oh, you're crazy. How can I be lost if I'm found?
00:40:18Got a flashlight?
00:40:22Shh, shh, shh.
00:40:24You don't know how serious this is.
00:40:26If they catch you, you'll be caught, marshaled, and shot.
00:40:29Oh, Vera!
00:40:34I must go before she looks for me.
00:40:36Now remember, whatever you do, don't make a sound.
00:41:07You don't know what you do, don't make a sound.
00:41:30You stay here, but keep quiet.
00:41:32Remember what she said, if we get caught, we're going to get, uh, court-plasted.
00:41:45Your Excellency, I'm worried. I can't sleep.
00:41:48What?
00:41:49You're worried?
00:41:50You can't sleep?
00:41:52That's fine. Now you woke me up. Now I can't sleep.
00:41:55It's about those plans.
00:41:56I won't rest until they're back in your hands.
00:42:01Won't you please come over and get them?
00:42:03Oh, the plans? Okay, I'll be right over.
00:42:13Let me out.
00:42:14Let me out.
00:42:20Let me out of here.
00:42:21Hey, let me out of here. I'll throw me a magazine.
00:42:28Well, that's your game, eh?
00:42:30I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow your door in.
00:42:42Come in.
00:42:45Oh, Your Excellency, I'm so glad you've come.
00:42:48I'm glad I've come, too.
00:42:50You got other plans?
00:42:52Why, Your Excellency, you sound so strange.
00:42:54Why are you talking like that?
00:42:56Oh, well, you see, maybe sometime I'll go to Italy and I'm practicing the language.
00:43:09I'll see my lawyer about this as soon as he graduates from law school.
00:43:15Your dialect is perfect.
00:43:17I could listen to you all night.
00:43:19That's all right, but I can't stay here all night.
00:43:21Where's the plans?
00:43:22They're in the safe downstairs.
00:43:24I'd write out the combination.
00:43:37Oh, there you are.
00:43:39Here's the combination.
00:43:41Is that clear?
00:43:44Is there anything else you want to know?
00:43:47What's the matter with you?
00:43:48Have you lost your voice?
00:43:51Let me get you a glass of water.
00:43:53Your Excellency.
00:43:59Your Excellency, here's your water.
00:44:02What in the world's the matter with you?
00:44:08Your Excellency, I thought you left.
00:44:10Oh, no, I no leave.
00:44:12But I saw you with my own eyes.
00:44:14Well, who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
00:44:16Oh.
00:44:19Your Excellency, I'm sorry, but this excitement's too much for me.
00:44:22I feel faint.
00:44:24Wait, I'll get you a glass of water.
00:44:41How about my glass of water?
00:44:43I give up.
00:44:43How about your glass of water?
00:45:03How about your glass of water?
00:45:36What's that?
00:45:37Sounds to me like mice.
00:45:39Mice? Mice don't play music.
00:45:41No? How about the old maestro?
00:46:04Get me headquarters.
00:46:05Not hindquarters. Headquarters.
00:46:07Hello?
00:46:09First the guards right over to Mrs. T's there and have them surround the house.
00:49:39Lieutenant, why weren't the original indictment papers placed to my portfolio?
00:49:44Why, uh, I didn't think those papers were important at this time, Your Excellency.
00:49:47You didn't think they were important.
00:49:49Do you realize I had my dessert wrapped in those papers?
00:49:52Here, take this bottle back and get two cents for it.
00:49:56Hello, boss.
00:49:58Trickolini, I bet you ain't the one we find you guilty.
00:50:00That's no good. I can get ten to one at the barbershop.
00:50:04Trickolini, you're charged with high treason.
00:50:06And if found guilty, you'll be shot.
00:50:08I object.
00:50:09Oh, he'll object. On what grounds?
00:50:12I couldn't think of anything else to say.
00:50:14Objection sustained.
00:50:15Your Excellency, you sustained the objection.
00:50:17Sure, I couldn't think of anything else to say either.
00:50:19Why don't you object?
00:50:21Trickolini, when were you born?
00:50:23I don't remember. I was just a little baby.
00:50:26Isn't it true you tried to sell Fredonia's secret war code and plans?
00:50:30Sure, I sold the code and two pair of plans.
00:50:34It's some joke, eh, boss?
00:50:36No, I bet you twenty to one we find you guilty.
00:50:39Trickolini, have you anyone here to defend you?
00:50:41It's of no use.
00:50:42I even offered to pay as high as $18,
00:50:45but I no good to get somebody to defend me.
00:50:47My friends, this man's case moves me deeply.
00:50:52Look at Ciccolini.
00:50:53He sits there alone.
00:50:56An abject figure.
00:50:58I object.
00:51:00I say, look at Ciccolini.
00:51:02He sits there alone.
00:51:03A pitiable object.
00:51:05Let's see you get out of that one.
00:51:07Surrounded by a sea of unfriendly faces.
00:51:09Ciccolini, give me your number from one to ten.
00:51:12Eleven.
00:51:12Right.
00:51:13Now I ask you one.
00:51:15What is it has a trunk with no key,
00:51:17weighs 2,000 pounds and lives in a circus?
00:51:19That's irrelevant.
00:51:20Irrelevant?
00:51:21Hey, that's the answer.
00:51:23There's a whole lot of irrelevance in a circus.
00:51:25That sort of testimony we can eliminate.
00:51:27That's a fine.
00:51:28I'll take some.
00:51:28You'll take what?
00:51:30Eliminate.
00:51:31A nice cold glass of lemonade.
00:51:32Hey, boss, I'm going to good.
00:51:36Gentlemen, Ciccolini here may talk like an idiot
00:51:38and look like an idiot,
00:51:39but don't let that fool you.
00:51:41He really is an idiot.
00:51:42I implore you.
00:51:44Send him back to his father and brothers
00:51:45who are waiting for him with open arms in the penitentiary.
00:51:49I suggest that we give him ten years in Leavenworth
00:51:51or eleven years in Twelworth.
00:51:53I'll tell you what I'll do.
00:51:54I'll take five and ten in Woolworth.
00:51:55I wanted to get rid of habeas corpus,
00:51:57but I should have gotten rid of you instead.
00:51:58I object.
00:51:59Even I object.
00:52:00Then I object too.
00:52:01You're on trial.
00:52:01You can't object.
00:52:02Your excellency.
00:52:04General Cooper says that the Sylvainian troops
00:52:07are about to land on Pedonia soil.
00:52:09This means war.
00:52:10Something must be done.
00:52:11War would mean a prohibitive increase in our taxes.
00:52:14Hey, I got an uncle lives in Texas.
00:52:16No, I'm talking about taxes, money, dollars.
00:52:19Dallas.
00:52:20That's where my uncle lives.
00:52:21Dallas, Texas.
00:52:25More bad news.
00:52:31Didn't I tell you?
00:52:32Your excellency.
00:52:34What's on your mind, babe?
00:52:35In behalf of the women of Fredonia,
00:52:37I have taken it upon myself
00:52:38to make one final effort to prevent war.
00:52:41No kidding.
00:52:42I've talked to Ambassador Trentino,
00:52:44and he says Sylvainia doesn't want war either.
00:52:46Either.
00:52:47Doesn't want war either.
00:52:49Either.
00:52:50Skip it.
00:52:52I've taken the liberty of asking the Ambassador to come over here,
00:52:55because we both felt that a friendly conference would settle everything peacefully.
00:53:01He'll be here any moment.
00:53:02Mrs. Teasdale, you did a noble deed.
00:53:04I'd be unworthy of the high trust that's been placed in me if I didn't do everything within my power
00:53:08to keep our beloved Fredonia at peace with the world.
00:53:10Well, I'd be only too happy to meet Ambassador Trentino
00:53:13and offer him on behalf of my country the right hand of good fellowship.
00:53:17And I feel sure that he will accept this gesture in the spirit in which it is offered.
00:53:21But suppose he doesn't.
00:53:23A fine thing that'll be.
00:53:25I hold out my hand, and he refuses to accept it.
00:53:28That'll add a lot to my prestige, won't it?
00:53:30Me, the head of a country snubbed by a foreign ambassador.
00:53:33Who does he think he is that he can come here
00:53:35and make a sap out of me in front of all my people?
00:53:38Think of it.
00:53:38I hold out my hand, and that hyena refuses to accept it.
00:53:42Why, the cheap, ball-flushing swine?
00:53:44He'll never get away with it, I tell you.
00:53:46He'll never get away with it.
00:53:47Oh, please.
00:53:49So, you refuse to shake hands with me, eh?
00:53:51Oh!
00:53:52Mrs. Teasdale, this is the last straw.
00:53:53There's no turning back now.
00:53:54Oh, this means war!
00:54:00And that's war!
00:54:01And that's war!
00:54:03Gather the forces!
00:54:04Honor the horses!
00:54:06That's war!
00:54:09Fredonia's going to war!
00:54:11Each native son will grab a gun and run away to war.
00:54:14At last, we're going to beat Fredonia on the streets of war.
00:54:18At last, the country's going to war!
00:54:19This is the country's going to war!
00:54:21At last, the country's going to war!
00:54:23We're going to war!
00:54:24This is a fact we can't ignore!
00:54:26We're going to war!
00:54:27This is a fact we can't ignore!
00:54:28We're going to war!
00:54:30In case you haven't heard before, I think they think we're going to war!
00:54:33I think they think we're going to war!
00:54:34We're going to war!
00:54:36I think they think we're going to war!
00:54:37We're going to war!
00:54:40We're going to war!
00:54:42We're going to war!
00:55:31The End
00:55:33Oh, hidey, hidey, hidey, hidey, hidey, hidey, hidey, hidey, hidey, hidey, hidey, hidey, hidey, hidey, hidey, hidey, hidey, hidey, hidey,
00:55:37hidey, hidey, hidey, hidey, hidey, hidey, hidey, hidey, hidey, hidey, hidey, hidey, hidey, hidey, hidey, hidey, hidey, hidey, hidey, hidey,
00:55:41hidey, hidey, hidey, hidey, hidey, hidey, hidey, hidey, hidey, hidey, hidey, hidey, hidey, hidey, hidey, hidey, hidey, hidey, hidey, hidey,
00:55:42hidey, hidey, hidey, hidey, hidey, hidey, hidey, hidey, hidey, hidey, hidey, hidey, hidey, hidey, hidey
00:56:04Oh, don't you cry for me
00:56:08Oh, don't you cry for me
00:56:11As I'm coming around the mountain
00:56:13With a banjo on my knees
00:56:15Oh, don't you cry for me
00:56:19As I'm coming around the mountain
00:56:21With a banjo on my knees
00:56:44To one, to one, to one, we gotta go
00:56:48To one, to one, to one
00:56:51To one, to one, to one
00:57:01To one, to one, to one, we gotta go
00:57:04To one, to one, we gotta go
00:57:05Oh, don't you cry for me
00:57:06If a firefly should die
00:57:09I'm a man and a man
00:57:10I'm a man and a man
00:57:11Carry on the dawn of victory
00:57:13We're getting the legal ways
00:57:15We're carrying from our banks
00:57:17We're killing the German gates
00:57:19We're rallying from the banks
00:57:21The banks, the banks, the banks
00:57:28The enemy is coming
00:57:29There'll be two lamps in the steeple
00:57:30If they're coming by land
00:57:31And one if they're coming by sea
00:57:37They've double-crossed me
00:57:38They're coming by land and sea
00:57:41Drive through every village and town
00:57:42Wake every citizen uphill and down
00:57:44Telling the enemy comes from afar
00:57:46With a hey-na-nani and a ha-cha-cha
00:57:48Be off, my lad
00:57:54Come back
00:57:55Come back
00:58:11I'll be outside
00:58:11And I'm going to try
00:58:11To one, to two, to
00:58:14Andy はい
00:58:15I'll be There
00:58:15To the other
00:58:16It's all
00:58:17To the other
00:58:18Jim
00:58:18To
00:58:19Br
00:58:21Let's
00:58:22I'll be by
00:58:24Everybody
00:58:24My
00:58:43My husband!
00:58:44Quickly, hide your name.
00:58:53Redonia is going to war.
00:58:55I'm going to take a bath.
00:59:23The End
00:59:32The End
01:00:10Clear all wires.
01:00:11The enemy has captured Hill 27 and 28.
01:00:14Throwing 13 hillbillies out of work.
01:00:16Last night, two snipers crudged into our machine gun nest and laid an egg.
01:00:19Send reinforcements immediately.
01:00:20Send it off collection.
01:00:23Your Excellency, our men are being badly beaten in open warfare.
01:00:26I suggest we dig trenches.
01:00:28Dig trenches?
01:00:28With our men being killed off like flies, there isn't time to dig trenches.
01:00:31We're buying ready-made.
01:00:32Here, run out and get some trenches.
01:00:33Yes, sir.
01:00:34Wait a minute.
01:00:35Get them this high and our soldiers won't need any pants.
01:00:37Yes, sir.
01:00:37Wait a minute.
01:00:38Get them this high and we won't need any soldiers.
01:00:40Yes, sir.
01:00:41Ciccolini, your partners deserted us, but I'm still counting on you.
01:00:44There's a machine gun nest near Hill 28.
01:00:45I want it cleaned out.
01:00:46All right, I'll tell the janitor.
01:00:49Message in front, sir.
01:00:50Oh, I'm sick of messages in the front.
01:00:52Don't we ever get a message from the side?
01:00:56What is it?
01:00:56General Smith reports a gas attack.
01:00:58He wants to know what to do.
01:00:59Tell him to take a teaspoon full of bicarbonate soda and a half a glass of water.
01:01:02Yes, sir.
01:01:06Any answer to that message?
01:01:07No, sir.
01:01:08Well, in that case, don't send it.
01:01:20Gentlemen, this is the last straw.
01:01:22Where's my Stradivarius?
01:01:23Here, sir.
01:01:25I'll show them they can't fiddle around with an old firefly.
01:01:33Look at them run.
01:01:34Now they know they've been in a war.
01:01:35Your Excellency.
01:01:37They're fleeing like rats.
01:01:38But, sir, I've got the chance.
01:01:39Remind me to give myself the firefly medal for this.
01:01:41Your Excellency, you're shooting your own men.
01:01:44What?
01:01:44You're shooting your own men.
01:01:47Here's five dollars.
01:01:48Keep it under your hat.
01:01:49Never mind.
01:01:49I'll keep it under my hat.
01:01:52Now we've got to have more men or we're lost.
01:01:54Don't be alarmed.
01:01:55I've got a man combing the countryside for volunteers.
01:02:03Your Excellency.
01:02:05The army's morale is crumbling.
01:02:06The men are breaking ranks.
01:02:07Where's the Secretary of War?
01:02:08That's it.
01:02:09Where is the Secretary of War?
01:02:10The soldiers awaiting for his orders.
01:02:12His Excellency, the Secretary of War.
01:02:20Awfully decent of you to drop in today.
01:02:22Do you realize our army is facing disastrous defeat?
01:02:24What do you intend to do about it?
01:02:26I've done it already.
01:02:27You've done what?
01:02:27I've changed to the other side.
01:02:29So, you're on the other side, eh?
01:02:30Well, what are you doing over here?
01:02:32Well, the food is better over here.
01:02:39Ciccolini?
01:02:40I need you badly right now.
01:02:41Why don't you take to come back and work for me again?
01:02:43I'll take a vacation.
01:02:44Good.
01:02:44You're hired.
01:02:46Now, go out on that battlefield and lead those men to victory.
01:02:48Go on.
01:02:49They're waiting for you.
01:02:51I wouldn't go out there unless I was in one of those big iron things.
01:02:55Go up and down like this.
01:02:55What do you call all those things?
01:02:56Tanks.
01:02:57You're welcome.
01:03:00Your Excellency, you must come over here at once.
01:03:03There is danger here.
01:03:04Why not come over here?
01:03:05There's no danger here.
01:03:28Wait a minute.
01:03:29I want to find out something.
01:03:34Just as I thought.
01:03:35The coast is clear.
01:03:40Remember, you're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably more than she ever
01:03:43did.
01:03:44You may come, T.
01:03:46There goes my gun.
01:03:47Run out and get that like a good girl.
01:03:49Oh, that bitch!
01:03:49We can't last much longer.
01:03:51Our ammunition supplies are very low.
01:03:52Man the boats, Lieutenant.
01:03:53I'll get help.
01:04:01Call the all-nations.
01:04:03Call the all-nations.
01:04:04This is Rufus T.
01:04:06This is Rufus T. Firefly coming to you through the courtesy of the enemy.
01:04:10We're in the mess, folks.
01:04:11We're in the mess.
01:04:12Rush to Fredonia.
01:04:13Three men and one woman are trapped in the building.
01:04:14Send help at once.
01:04:15If you can't send help, send two more women.
01:04:19Make it three more women.
01:04:22Your Excellency, we can't hold out much longer.
01:04:23We must have help.
01:04:31One of us has got to break through the lines and get word of General Cooper and his men.
01:04:34Which one...
01:04:36Why back there?
01:04:37Which one of us is going to have the rare privilege of sacrificing his life for his country?
01:04:41We've drawn lots.
01:04:42Wait.
01:04:42I got it.
01:04:44Rinsepot.
01:04:44One shot, two's our zigzag, zap.
01:04:46Pop, dive, and he get them like half.
01:04:47Head him, scare him, march and tear him.
01:04:49Tear him, tear him.
01:04:51I did it wrong.
01:04:52Wait, wait, wait.
01:04:53Let's start here.
01:04:55Rinsepot.
01:04:55One shot, two's our zigzag, zap.
01:04:56Pop, dive, and he get in like half.
01:04:57Head him, scare him, march and tear him.
01:04:59Tear door.
01:05:00That's no good, too.
01:05:01Oh, I got it.
01:05:02I got it.
01:05:03Rinsepot.
01:05:04Pop.
01:05:05You're a brave man.
01:05:06Go and break through the lines.
01:05:08And remember, while you're out there risking life and limb through shot and shell,
01:05:11we'll be in here thinking what a sucker you are.
01:05:13Goodbye.
01:05:14Boom, blank.
01:05:15Goodbye.
01:05:16Oh, Fredonia.
01:05:17Oh, Fredonia.
01:05:18Oh, Fredonia.
01:05:19Oh, Fredonia.
01:05:23Who are you?
01:05:23Who are you?
01:05:24Where did they get you?
01:05:27Hey, careful with the water.
01:05:29It's the only water we got.
01:05:30Well, it's the only woman we got.
01:05:39We're surrounded.
01:05:40They're attacking from their air.
01:05:41They're coming this way.
01:05:42We'll better pay for the water.
01:05:43Let's go.
01:05:53This is Firefly talking.
01:05:54Send a help at once.
01:05:55Help is on the way.
01:05:58Carry on, men.
01:05:58Help is on the way.
01:06:00Help.
01:06:24They got me.
01:06:25They got me.
01:06:27Water.
01:06:33Water.
01:06:40Get me out of there.
01:06:41Get me out of there.
01:06:44The last time this happened to me, I was crawling under a bed.
01:06:48Oh, it's help.
01:06:49We don't lick her.
01:06:51Your Excellency.
01:07:03Any mail from me while I was gone?
01:07:07Oh, no, listen to me.
01:07:08Get away from me.
01:07:11Clap.
01:07:14Sure.
01:07:16Sure.
01:07:18Sure.
01:07:22Hey, Trentino.
01:07:23Trentino, eh?
01:07:24That's game.
01:07:28Trentino.
01:07:29Trentino, eh?
01:07:31Call me an upstart, eh?
01:07:33I surrender.
01:07:34I surrender.
01:07:35I'm sorry.
01:07:36You'll have to wait until the food runs off.
01:07:38Victory is on.
01:07:40Hail, hail, Fredonia.
01:07:44Live.
01:07:44Live.
01:07:48Live.
01:07:51Live.
01:07:52Live.
01:08:02Live.
01:08:05Live.
01:08:07Live.
01:08:09Live.
01:08:10Live.
01:08:10Live.
01:08:13Live.
01:08:13Live.
01:08:13Live.
01:08:14Live.
01:08:14Live.
01:08:14Live.
01:08:15Live.
01:08:16Live.
01:08:16Live.
01:08:20THE END
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