- hace 1 hora
Cast: Groucho Marx, Harpo Marx, Chico Marx, Zeppo Marx, Thelma Todd, David Landau, Robert Greig, Nat Pendleton, Reginald Barlow
Director: Norman Z. McLeod
Synopsis: Professor Quincy Adams Wagstaff is hired as the new president of Huxley College. In order to beat Darwin, their rival school, in a football game, Wagstaff hires two ringers. However, Darwin has beaten him to the punch, and Wagstaff hires the wrong men: Baravelli and Pinky. Desperate, Wagstaff has Baravelli and Pinky kidnap the real players.
Director: Norman Z. McLeod
Synopsis: Professor Quincy Adams Wagstaff is hired as the new president of Huxley College. In order to beat Darwin, their rival school, in a football game, Wagstaff hires two ringers. However, Darwin has beaten him to the punch, and Wagstaff hires the wrong men: Baravelli and Pinky. Desperate, Wagstaff has Baravelli and Pinky kidnap the real players.
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CortometrajesTranscripción
00:00:00The End
00:00:38The End
00:01:02And so, in retiring as president of this college,
00:01:07it is indeed a painful task to bid you all goodbye.
00:01:11And now, with the utmost pleasure,
00:01:14may I present to you the man who is to guide the destinies of this great institution,
00:01:20Professor Quincy Adams Wagstaff.
00:01:31Professor, it is indeed an honor to welcome you to Huxley College.
00:01:35Never mind that. Hold this coat.
00:01:41By the way, Professor, there is no smoking.
00:01:45That's what you say.
00:01:50It would please the faculty if you would throw your cigar away.
00:01:53The faculty members might just as well keep their seats.
00:01:55There'll be no diving for this cigar.
00:01:59Members of the faculty, faculty members,
00:02:02students of Huxley and Huxley students.
00:02:04I guess that covers everything.
00:02:06Well, I thought my razor was dull until I heard his speech.
00:02:09And that reminds me of a story that's so dirty I'm ashamed to think of it myself.
00:02:13As I look out over your eager faces,
00:02:15I can readily understand why this college is flat on its back.
00:02:18The last college I presided over, things were slightly different.
00:02:21I was flat on my back.
00:02:23Things kept going from bad to worse,
00:02:25but we all put our shoulders to the wheel,
00:02:27and it wasn't long before I was flat on my back again.
00:02:29Any questions?
00:02:30Any answers?
00:02:31Any rags?
00:02:32Any bones?
00:02:33Any bottles?
00:02:33Today, any rags?
00:02:35Let's have some action around here.
00:02:37Who'll say 76?
00:02:38Who'll say 1776?
00:02:40That's the spirit, 1776.
00:02:42No doubt you would like to know why I'm here.
00:02:45I came into this college to get my son out of it.
00:02:47I remember the day he left to come here,
00:02:49a mere boy and a beardless youth.
00:02:51I kissed them both goodbye.
00:02:52By the way, where is my son?
00:02:56Young lady, would you mind getting up so I can see the sunrise?
00:03:02So, doing your homework in school, eh?
00:03:05Hello, old timer.
00:03:06My dear professor,
00:03:08I'm sure the students would appreciate a brief outline of your plans for the future.
00:03:12What?
00:03:13I said the students would appreciate a brief outline of your plans for the future.
00:03:17You just said that.
00:03:18That's the trouble around here.
00:03:19Talk, talk, talk.
00:03:20Oh, sometimes I think I must go mad.
00:03:23Where will it all end?
00:03:24What is it getting you?
00:03:25Why don't you go home to your wife?
00:03:27I'll tell you what, I'll go home to your wife,
00:03:29and outside of the improvements, you'll never know the difference.
00:03:31Pull over to the side of the road there,
00:03:32and let me see your marriage license.
00:03:36President Wagstaff,
00:03:37now that you have stepped into my shoes,
00:03:39oh, is that what I stepped in?
00:03:40I wondered what it was.
00:03:42If these are your shoes, the least you could do is have them cleaned.
00:03:44The trustees have a few suggestions they would like to submit to you.
00:03:47I think you know what the trustees can do with their suggestions.
00:03:52I don't know what they have to say.
00:03:54It makes no difference anyway.
00:03:56Whatever it is,
00:03:57I'm against it.
00:03:59No matter what it is,
00:04:00or who commenced it,
00:04:02I'm against it.
00:04:05Your proposition may be good,
00:04:07but let's have one thing understood.
00:04:09Whatever it is,
00:04:10I'm against it.
00:04:11And even when you've changed it or condensed it,
00:04:15I'm against it.
00:04:18I'm opposed to it.
00:04:20On general principles,
00:04:22I'm opposed to it.
00:04:23He's opposed to it.
00:04:25Give back it.
00:04:26He can be the hope to it.
00:04:31For months before my son was born,
00:04:33I used to yell from night to morn,
00:04:35whatever it is,
00:04:36I'm against it.
00:04:38And I've kept yelling since I first commenced it.
00:04:41I'm against it.
00:04:50Knowing that as I do,
00:04:52I'd not advise you to displease him
00:04:55Or tease him
00:04:57No, no
00:04:59Don't double-cross him
00:05:01Or toss him
00:05:02Around
00:05:05When dear old dad
00:05:08Once gets mad
00:05:11He's a hound
00:05:14My son is right,
00:05:16I'm quick to fight,
00:05:17I'm from a fighting clan
00:05:18When I'm abused or badly used
00:05:20I always get my man
00:05:24No matter if he's in Peru,
00:05:26Paducah or Japan
00:05:27I go ahead,
00:05:28O live or dead
00:05:29I always get my man
00:05:30No matter if he's in Peru
00:05:31I always get my man
00:05:33I soon dispose of all of those
00:05:38Who put me on the pan
00:05:39Like Shakespeare said to Nathan
00:05:40Hell, I always get my man
00:05:42I always get my man
00:06:00I always get my man
00:06:00I always get my man
00:06:00I always get my man
00:06:00I always get my man
00:06:01I always get my man
00:06:02I always get my man
00:06:04I always get my man
00:06:06I always get my man
00:06:14That's what I said?
00:06:17That's what I mean?
00:06:20You're telling me?
00:06:23Oh, are you listening?
00:06:30I always get, I always get, I always get, I always get, I always get, I always get
00:06:41My man!
00:06:47That's what I said.
00:06:50Congratulations, Professor. Wonderful, Professor.
00:06:52All right, scram, boys. I'll meet you in the barbershop.
00:06:59Dad, let me congratulate you.
00:07:01I'm proud to be your son.
00:07:02My boy, you took the boys right out of my mouth.
00:07:04I'm ashamed to be your father.
00:07:05Father, you're a disgrace to our family name of Wagstaff, if such a thing is possible.
00:07:11What's all this talk I hear about you fooling around with a college widow?
00:07:14No wonder you can't get out of college.
00:07:16Twelve years in one college.
00:07:18I went to three colleges in twelve years and fooled around with three college widows.
00:07:22When I was your age, I went to bed right after supper.
00:07:24Sometimes I went to bed before supper.
00:07:26Sometimes I went without my supper and didn't go to bed at all.
00:07:29A college widow stood for something in those days.
00:07:31In fact, she stood for plenty.
00:07:33There's nothing wrong between me and the college widow.
00:07:35There isn't, huh? Then you're crazy to fool around with her.
00:07:37Oh, but you don't know.
00:07:38I don't want to talk to you about this again, you snob.
00:07:40I'd horse whip you if I had a horse.
00:07:42You may go now.
00:07:44Leave your name and address with the girl outside, and if anything turns up, we'll get in touch with you.
00:07:48Where are you going?
00:07:49Well, you just told me to go.
00:07:51So that's what they taught you in college.
00:07:53Just when I tell you to go, you leave me.
00:07:55You know you can't leave a schoolroom without raising your hand, no matter where you're going.
00:07:58Dad, this college has had a new president every year since 1888.
00:08:02Yeah.
00:08:02And that's the year we won our last football game.
00:08:04Now, I like education as well as the next fellow.
00:08:06Well, move over and I'll talk to the next fellow.
00:08:08But a college needs something else besides education.
00:08:10And what this college needs is a good football team.
00:08:13And you can't have a good football team unless you have good football players.
00:08:17My boy, I think you've got something there, and I'll wait outside until you clean it up.
00:08:22I know it's dangerous, but I'm going to ask you one more question.
00:08:24Where do you get good football players?
00:08:26Well, in a speakeasy, Don.
00:08:27In a speakeasy?
00:08:28Isn't that against the law, selling football players in a speakeasy?
00:08:31Dad, two of the greatest football players in the country hang out in a speakeasy downtown.
00:08:35Are you suggesting that I, the president of Huxley College, go into a speakeasy without even giving me the address?
00:08:40It's at 42 Elm Street, but you can't go there.
00:08:43It's unethical.
00:08:43It isn't right for a college to buy football players.
00:08:46It isn't, eh?
00:08:46Well, I'll nip that in the bud.
00:08:47How about coming along and having a nip yourself?
00:08:50I'll better stay on your way here.
00:08:52Anything further, father?
00:08:53Anything further, father?
00:08:55That can't be right.
00:08:56Isn't it anything further, father?
00:08:58The idea.
00:08:59I married your mother because I wanted children.
00:09:02Imagine my disappointment when you arrived.
00:09:06And I've kept yelling since I first commenced it.
00:09:09I'm against it.
00:09:22Well, that's my proposition, boys.
00:09:23How about it?
00:09:25Well, it's okay with us, Mr. Jennings, but how are you going to fix it?
00:09:29Don't worry about that.
00:09:30It's fixed already.
00:09:31You boys will be entered as regular Darwin students and play in the Thanksgiving Day game against Huxley.
00:09:35Yeah, but how about the dough?
00:09:37Well, here's a little chicken feed to start with.
00:09:39You'll get the balance right after the game.
00:09:42With you boys playing for Darwin, Huxley can't win.
00:09:45You said it.
00:09:47Well, here's to dear old Darwin.
00:09:50All right, boys, let's go.
00:09:55Long, Eddie.
00:09:56So long.
00:10:00Baravelli.
00:10:02Baravelli.
00:10:03Hey, Baravelli.
00:10:09Hello?
00:10:11Yes, lady.
00:10:12This is Baravelli, the ice man is speaking.
00:10:13What do you want?
00:10:14What?
00:10:15One quarter scotch.
00:10:17One quarter I.
00:10:19Wait a minute.
00:10:20Hold on.
00:10:20I'll see if I got them.
00:10:23One quarter scotch.
00:10:26One quarter I.
00:10:28Okay, lady.
00:10:29I sent them right over.
00:10:42Hey, Baravelli.
00:10:47Hey, Baravelli.
00:10:49What do you want?
00:10:50Watch the door for a few minutes.
00:10:52And don't let anyone in without the password.
00:10:54All right, what is it?
00:10:56Swordfish is the password.
00:10:57Do you understand?
00:10:58Okay, I got it.
00:10:59Well, what is it?
00:11:00Password.
00:11:01Swordfish, swordfish.
00:11:02Right, the swordfish, the swordfish.
00:11:04Who are you?
00:11:10I'm fine, thanks.
00:11:11Who are you?
00:11:12I'm fine, too, but you can't come in unless you give the password.
00:11:15Oh, what is the password?
00:11:16Oh, no, you got to tell me.
00:11:18Hey, I tell what I do, I give you three guesses.
00:11:22It's the name of a fish.
00:11:24Is it Mary?
00:11:25Ha, ha, that's no fish.
00:11:27She isn't, well, she drinks like one.
00:11:29Let me see.
00:11:31Is it sturgeon?
00:11:32Hey, you crazy.
00:11:34Sturgeon, he's a doctor who cuts you open when you're sick.
00:11:36Now, I give you one more chance.
00:11:38I got it.
00:11:39Haddock.
00:11:39That's funny.
00:11:40I got a haddock, too.
00:11:41What do you take for a haddock?
00:11:42Well, now, sometimes I take aspirin, or sometimes I take a calomel.
00:11:46Say, I'd walk a mile for a calomel.
00:11:47You mean chocolate calomel.
00:11:49I like that, too.
00:11:50But, you know, guess it.
00:11:53Hey, what's the matter?
00:11:54You don't understand English?
00:11:55You can't come in here unless you say swordfish.
00:11:57Now, I'll give you one more guess.
00:12:00Swordfish.
00:12:01Swordfish.
00:12:02I think I got it.
00:12:03Is it swordfish?
00:12:04Ha, that's it.
00:12:05You guess it.
00:12:07Pretty good, huh?
00:12:08Yeah, it's fine.
00:12:08You guess it.
00:12:09I'll...
00:12:12What do you want?
00:12:13I want to come in.
00:12:14What's the password?
00:12:15Oh, you're all full of me.
00:12:17Swordfish.
00:12:18No, I got tired of that.
00:12:19I changed it.
00:12:22Well, that's the password now.
00:12:24Gee, I forgot it.
00:12:24I better come outside with you.
00:12:39Say, buddy, could you help me out?
00:12:41I'd like to get a cup of coffee.
00:12:48Hey, here comes my partner.
00:12:51Hey, Pinky.
00:12:52You know the password?
00:13:02Get out.
00:13:03That's no way to go into this big easy.
00:13:04That's the way you come out.
00:13:45Hey, what'll you have?
00:13:49He'd take a scotch.
00:13:50Right.
00:13:50Draw two.
00:13:51I got it.
00:13:53Swordfish.
00:13:54Go outside and see if it works.
00:14:25Cut the cards.
00:14:31Well, let's get down to business.
00:14:33I'm looking for two football players who always hang around here.
00:14:36We always hang around here.
00:14:37Well, that's all I want to know.
00:14:39I'm Professor Wagstaff of Huxley College.
00:14:41That means nothing to me.
00:14:43Well, it doesn't mean anything to me either.
00:14:44I'll try it over again.
00:14:46I'm Professor Huxley of Wagstaff College.
00:14:48Well, you didn't stay at the other college very long.
00:14:51You're heading for a break now.
00:14:52Why don't you pull yourself to pieces?
00:14:54I'll talk it over with my partner.
00:15:22Hey, hey!
00:15:23Hey, hey!
00:15:42in case i never see you again which would add 10 years to my life what would you fellas want
00:15:46to
00:15:46play football well of course we want a football well i don't know if we've got a football but
00:15:50if i can find them would you be interested i don't want a hasty answer just sleep on them
00:15:54i don't think i can sleep on a football who's gonna settle for these drinks
00:16:00your stock can you cash a check for fifteen dollars and 22 cents sure
00:16:13five ten fifteen and twenty two thanks as soon as i get a check for fifteen dollars and 22 cents
00:16:19i'll send it to you swordfish oh laura oh good morning mr wykes there am i too early no shall
00:16:31i tell miss bailey you're here no i'll tell her myself give me the tray all right you open the
00:16:36door
00:16:44oh your breakfast madam anything else yes you can put some cream in my coffee and tell me where
00:16:49you've been for the last couple of days i've been busy arguing with dad about you how many two well
00:16:56what about me dad wants me to give you up you know you're interfering with my studies
00:17:03he must think i'm terrible but i think you're wonderful you're beautiful are you making love to
00:17:09me what not everyone says i love you the cop on the corner and the burglar too the preacher in
00:17:19the pulpit
00:17:19and the man in the pew says i love you
00:17:26everyone no matter who the folks over 80 and the kid of two the captain and the sailor and the
00:17:35rest of the
00:17:36crew says i love you there are only eight little letters in this phrase you'll find
00:17:48but they mean a lot more than all the other words combine everywhere the whole world through the king in
00:18:00the
00:18:01palace and the peasant too the tiger in the jungle and the monk in the zoo says i love you
00:18:09to me
00:18:32you
00:18:38to
00:19:05Let's go.
00:19:13Get this crate out of here.
00:19:14What do you think this is, a picnic?
00:19:16Well, this ain't gonna be any picnic.
00:19:19Blocking traffic, boarding up cars.
00:19:21Who do you think you are?
00:19:28Say, what do you do?
00:19:29Do you know what I'm gonna do to you?
00:19:32You're a wide guy, ain't you?
00:19:33Let go of that club.
00:19:34Give me that club here.
00:19:36Did you see that badge?
00:19:39Whoop! Whoop! Whoop! Whoop! Whoop!
00:19:44Whoop! Whoop! Whoop!
00:19:45Where are you?
00:19:46There.
00:19:56Come on!
00:20:00Go up there.
00:20:03Come on!
00:20:04Shut up!
00:20:28Now, I say to you, gentlemen, that this college is a failure.
00:20:31The trouble is, we're neglecting football for education.
00:20:34Exactly.
00:20:35The professor is right.
00:20:36Oh, I'm right, am I?
00:20:37Well, I'm not right.
00:20:38I'm wrong.
00:20:39I just said that to test you.
00:20:40Now I know where I'm at.
00:20:41I'm dealing with a couple of snakes.
00:20:43What I meant to say was that there's too much football and not enough education.
00:20:47That's what I think.
00:20:48Oh, you do, do you?
00:20:49Well, you're wrong again.
00:20:50If there was a snake here, I'd apologize.
00:20:53Where would this college be without football?
00:20:55Have we got a stadium?
00:20:56Yes.
00:20:57Have we got a college?
00:20:58Yes.
00:20:58Well, we can't support both.
00:20:59Tomorrow we start tearing down the college.
00:21:01But professor, where will the students sleep?
00:21:04Where they always sleep, in the classroom.
00:21:06Oh, professor, the dean of science wants to know how soon you can see him.
00:21:10He says he's tired of cooling his heels out here.
00:21:13Tell him I'm cooling a couple of heels in here.
00:21:16Where were we?
00:21:17Oh, yes.
00:21:20How much am I paying you, fellas?
00:21:22$5,000 a year.
00:21:23But we've never been paid.
00:21:25Well, in that case, I'll raise you to $8,000.
00:21:27And a bonus.
00:21:27Bring your dog around.
00:21:28I'll give him a bonus, too.
00:21:31The dean is furious.
00:21:32He's waxing Roth.
00:21:34Is Roth out there, too?
00:21:35Tell Roth to wax the dean for a while.
00:21:38Guess that's bad, huh?
00:21:40One more thing, professor.
00:21:41It's about your son.
00:21:43I'm afraid he's paying too little attention to his studies
00:21:47and too much to Connie Bailey, the college widow.
00:21:50He is, eh?
00:21:51Well, I'll soon put a stop to that.
00:21:52I'll call her up right now.
00:21:53Have either of you weasels got her phone number?
00:21:56No.
00:21:56Well, it's a good thing I've got her.
00:22:00Get me main 49970 and reverse the charges.
00:22:04You may go now.
00:22:06Drop this in the mailbox on your way up.
00:22:09Hello?
00:22:10I want to speak to Miss Bailey.
00:22:12Is this Miss Bailey?
00:22:14Uh-huh.
00:22:16Why, of course I know your son.
00:22:19Why, that's silly.
00:22:21We're just very good friends.
00:22:25But, professor, I don't understand.
00:22:27You don't, eh?
00:22:28Well, I want to see you.
00:22:29Come right over to my office.
00:22:30You can't?
00:22:31You're in bed?
00:22:32Well, in that case, I'll come over to your office.
00:22:50That's a fine way to carry ice.
00:22:51Where are your tongues?
00:22:53Looks like a tongue war.
00:22:56Well, that's the last time we deliver ice
00:22:58unless you pay the bill.
00:22:59How much do we owe you?
00:23:00$2,000.
00:23:01$2,000 for ice?
00:23:03I can get an Eskimo for $200
00:23:04and make my own ice.
00:23:05Yeah, yeah.
00:23:16I'll tell you what we do.
00:23:17I'll make you a proposition.
00:23:18You owe us $200.
00:23:19We take $2,000 and call it square.
00:23:21That's not a bad idea.
00:23:23I'll tell you.
00:23:23I'll consult my lawyer.
00:23:24And if he advises me to do it,
00:23:26I'll get a new lawyer.
00:23:27Why don't you forget about the money?
00:23:28Go to college.
00:23:29Meet all the beautiful girls.
00:23:30Get yourself a co-ed.
00:23:32Ha!
00:23:32I got a co-ed.
00:23:33Last week, for $18,
00:23:34I got a co-ed with two pair of pants.
00:23:36Since when is a co-ed got two pair of pants?
00:23:38Since I joined the college.
00:23:40Barabelli, you've got the brain of a four-year-old boy
00:23:43and I bet he was glad to get rid of it.
00:23:44Well, now that you're a college boy,
00:23:46here's your hat.
00:23:48Here's your pennant.
00:23:50Here's your coat.
00:23:56All right.
00:23:57Report for football practice in the morning.
00:23:59Now, I want you to sign this agreement.
00:24:01Hey, there's nothing on this paper.
00:24:02That's all right.
00:24:02We'll fill in something later.
00:24:06Here, put your name on there, huh?
00:24:09Gee, I didn't know you could write.
00:24:11Wait a minute.
00:24:11Wait a minute.
00:24:12This isn't legal.
00:24:13There's no seal on it.
00:24:14Where's the seal?
00:24:15Where's the seal?
00:24:16Where's the seal?
00:24:25And thus we see
00:24:27that the function of the respiratory system
00:24:29is to transmit oxygen
00:24:31into the bloodstream.
00:24:33This process,
00:24:34which is called osmosis.
00:24:36Have they started sawing a woman and a half yet?
00:24:38Oh, Mr. President,
00:24:39this is indeed a pleasure.
00:24:41What brings you here?
00:24:42A bicycle,
00:24:43but I left it out in the hall.
00:24:44Have you got two empty dunce chairs?
00:24:45Yes, I brought you two empty dunces.
00:24:47Come in, dunces.
00:24:48Here they are.
00:24:49Ten cents a dunce.
00:24:54Well, all you need now
00:24:55is a bowl of cherries.
00:24:57Find yourselves a couple of seats.
00:25:08Now, let us go on
00:25:10with our lecture.
00:25:11I wish you'd go on
00:25:12without your lecture.
00:25:14What do you think of that slide?
00:25:16Well, I think he was safe at second,
00:25:18but it was very close.
00:25:20Now, let us examine
00:25:21the circulatory system.
00:25:22Here
00:25:24is
00:25:24the liver.
00:25:25What?
00:25:26No bacon?
00:25:26I'd send that back
00:25:27if I were you.
00:25:28The liver,
00:25:30if neglected,
00:25:31invariably leads to
00:25:32cirrhosis.
00:25:33Of course,
00:25:33you are all familiar
00:25:34with the symptoms
00:25:35of cirrhosis.
00:25:36Sure.
00:25:37Cirrhosis are red,
00:25:38so violets are blue,
00:25:39so sugar is sweet,
00:25:40or so are you.
00:25:42I can't see him,
00:25:43but I better know
00:25:43who it is.
00:25:44For the protection
00:25:45of the heart,
00:25:46or cardium,
00:25:48Mother Nature
00:25:48has provided a sack
00:25:49called the pedocardium.
00:25:52Any questions?
00:25:53Yes.
00:25:54When are you going
00:25:54to cut the watermelon open?
00:25:58Psychopathically,
00:25:59the duodenum
00:26:00is an inverse ratio
00:26:02to the coordination
00:26:04of the planifus.
00:26:05Is this stuff
00:26:06on the level,
00:26:06or are you just
00:26:06making it up
00:26:07as you go along?
00:26:08My feet are getting
00:26:08tired from this walk.
00:26:09Why,
00:26:10everything I told you
00:26:11can be found
00:26:12in the simplest
00:26:12textbook on anatomy.
00:26:14I'm sure my students
00:26:15will bear me out.
00:26:16We bear you out.
00:26:24And let that be a lesson
00:26:25to every one of you.
00:26:26This school was here
00:26:27before you came,
00:26:27and it'll be here
00:26:28before you go.
00:26:29And you too,
00:26:30you numbskull.
00:26:43You've got to help
00:26:43with me out.
00:26:49Let us follow
00:26:49a corpuscle
00:26:50on his journey.
00:26:53Oh, my mistake.
00:26:54I thought I was
00:26:54a corpuscle.
00:26:56As you know,
00:26:56there is constant warfare
00:26:57between the red
00:26:58and white corpuscles.
00:26:59Now then, baboons,
00:27:01what is a corpuscle?
00:27:02That's easy.
00:27:03First is a captain,
00:27:05then is a lieutenant,
00:27:06then is a corpuscle.
00:27:08That's fine.
00:27:09Why don't you
00:27:09bore a hole in yourself
00:27:10and let the sap run out?
00:27:13We now find ourselves
00:27:14among the Alps.
00:27:16The Alps are a very
00:27:17simple people,
00:27:17living on a diet
00:27:18of rice and old shoes.
00:27:20Beyond the Alps
00:27:20lies more Alps,
00:27:21and the Lord Alps
00:27:22those that Alps
00:27:23themselves.
00:27:24We then come
00:27:25to the bloodstream.
00:27:25The blood rushes
00:27:26from the head
00:27:27down to the feet,
00:27:28gets a look at those feet,
00:27:29and rushes back
00:27:29to the head again.
00:27:30This is known
00:27:31as auction pinochle.
00:27:34Now, in studying
00:27:35your basic metabolism,
00:27:36we first listen
00:27:37to your heart speed.
00:27:37And if your heart speed
00:27:38anything but diamonds
00:27:39and clubs,
00:27:39it's because your partner
00:27:40is cheating,
00:27:41or your wife.
00:27:43Now, take this point,
00:27:44for instance.
00:27:47That reminds me,
00:27:47I haven't seen
00:27:48my son all day.
00:27:49Well, the human body
00:27:50takes many strange forms.
00:27:53Now, here is
00:27:54a most unusual organ.
00:27:56The organ will play
00:27:57a solo immediately
00:27:57after the feature picture.
00:28:00Scientists make
00:28:01these deductions
00:28:02by examining a rat,
00:28:03or your landlord,
00:28:03who won't cut the rent.
00:28:04And what do they find?
00:28:05Asparagus.
00:28:06Now, on closer examination.
00:28:10Hmm, this needs
00:28:11closer examination.
00:28:12In fact,
00:28:13it needs a nightgown.
00:28:15Barabelli,
00:28:15who's responsible for this?
00:28:17Is this your picture?
00:28:18I don't think so.
00:28:19It doesn't look like me.
00:28:20Well, take it out
00:28:21of here immediately
00:28:21and hang it up
00:28:22in my bedroom.
00:28:23Now then,
00:28:23out with it.
00:28:24Who did it?
00:28:26Oh, so you're
00:28:27the culprit.
00:28:28Young man,
00:28:29as you grow older,
00:28:30you'll find you can't
00:28:30burn the candle
00:28:31at both ends.
00:28:35Well, I was wrong.
00:28:36I knew there was
00:28:36something you couldn't
00:28:37burn at both ends.
00:28:37I thought it was a candle.
00:28:39However, you must be punished.
00:28:40Just for that,
00:28:40you stay after school.
00:28:42But, Professor,
00:28:42I didn't do anything.
00:28:44I know,
00:28:45but there's no fun
00:28:45keeping him after school.
00:28:48Now, we'll have
00:28:49no more interruptions.
00:28:51According to
00:28:52von Steinmetz,
00:28:52the M&M physiologist,
00:28:54there is ever present
00:28:55a group of white phagocytes.
00:29:03According to von Steinmetz,
00:29:04the M&M physiologist,
00:29:05there is present
00:29:05a group of white phagocytes.
00:29:12According to von...
00:29:14According to von Steinmetz,
00:29:16the M&M physiologist,
00:29:21according to von Steinmetz,
00:29:22the M&M physiologist,
00:29:23there is present
00:29:23a group of white phagocytes.
00:29:26They are ever present,
00:29:27and they are an essential.
00:29:29They are an essential
00:29:30to the belonging life.
00:29:34My left wing has been turned.
00:29:35My rear end is from cut off.
00:29:37But I'll try it out
00:29:38on these lines
00:29:38if it can't come.
00:29:40Stop it.
00:29:41You got me.
00:29:50Oh, it's you, Frank.
00:29:55Why, of course,
00:29:56I'd love to have you come over.
00:29:59All right.
00:30:00I'll be expecting you then.
00:30:02Goodbye, darling.
00:30:04Who are you calling, darling?
00:30:06Oh, Frank Wagstaff,
00:30:08the professor's son.
00:30:09Say, I didn't tell you
00:30:10to fall for him.
00:30:11I just told you
00:30:12to find out all you could
00:30:13about his team.
00:30:14Well, he said it was a cinch
00:30:15for Huxley to win.
00:30:16Listen, I've got my bankroll bet
00:30:18on Darwin.
00:30:19I'm taking no chances.
00:30:21Before the game starts,
00:30:22I'll have the Huxley signals.
00:30:24Now here's down the hatch
00:30:25and on my way.
00:30:31I'll see you later.
00:30:34Bye, dear.
00:30:35Bye.
00:30:35Bye.
00:30:36Bye.
00:30:36Bye.
00:30:37Bye.
00:30:38Bye.
00:30:51Are you still here?
00:30:53I just came in.
00:30:56What do you mean,
00:30:57am I still here?
00:30:58Oh, I mean,
00:30:59are you here already?
00:31:01You know,
00:31:02I really shouldn't be here.
00:31:03The old man gave me
00:31:04a terrible balling out
00:31:05for seeing you.
00:31:05Oh, let's not worry
00:31:07about him.
00:31:08He'll never know
00:31:08you were here.
00:31:10Have our little drink.
00:31:12All right.
00:31:12I'll get you one.
00:31:13Please.
00:31:31Are you Miss Bailey?
00:31:32Come, come.
00:31:33One of us is Miss Bailey
00:31:34and I'm not.
00:31:35I'm Miss Bailey
00:31:36and who are you?
00:31:37I'm Professor Wagstaff.
00:31:38Who are you?
00:31:39Miss Bailey.
00:31:40Ah, then you are Miss Bailey.
00:31:41Thought you could
00:31:42slip one over on me,
00:31:43didn't you?
00:31:43Listen, madam,
00:31:44you've got to give
00:31:45my son up.
00:31:45Give him up?
00:31:46You can't take him from me.
00:31:47He's all I've got
00:31:48in the world
00:31:48except a picture
00:31:49of George Washington
00:31:50crossing the Delaware.
00:31:51But, Professor, I...
00:31:52Whatever you say
00:31:52is a lie.
00:31:53He's only a shell
00:31:54of his former self
00:31:55which nobody can deny.
00:31:56Whoopi!
00:31:57I tell you,
00:31:58you're ruining that boy.
00:31:58You're ruining him.
00:31:59Did my son tell you
00:32:00you had beautiful eyes?
00:32:02Why, yes.
00:32:03told me that too.
00:32:04Tells that to everyone
00:32:04he meets.
00:32:05Oh, I love sitting
00:32:06on your lap.
00:32:07I could sit here all day
00:32:08if you didn't stand up.
00:32:10Quick, hurry.
00:32:11Get out of here.
00:32:12That dog.
00:32:21I don't want any ice.
00:32:23No.
00:32:36Who was that?
00:32:37The ice man.
00:32:38Is that so?
00:32:39Well, you can't pull
00:32:39the wool over my ice.
00:32:41Oh.
00:32:42That ice man stuff
00:32:43leaves me cold.
00:32:44Here you are.
00:32:45So, I caught you at last.
00:32:47And you are fooling around
00:32:48with this woman.
00:32:49Oh, the shame of it
00:32:50that I should live
00:32:51to see a son of mine
00:32:52try to take a dame
00:32:53away from his father.
00:32:54Dad, I...
00:32:54Enough of this.
00:32:54You leave here immediately
00:32:55and I'll stay here
00:32:56and settle with this woman.
00:32:57And as soon as we settle,
00:32:58we'll have you over
00:32:59for dinner.
00:33:00On second thought,
00:33:00I'll go with you.
00:33:01Come, follow me.
00:33:08Be a lamp in the window
00:33:09for my wandering boy.
00:33:13Let's see where...
00:33:14Oh, yes.
00:33:15I was on your lap
00:33:15and doing pretty well
00:33:16as I recall it.
00:33:20Quick, hurry.
00:33:21Get out.
00:33:22Hurry.
00:33:23And remember,
00:33:24stay undercover.
00:33:25We've got more students
00:33:26in the college.
00:33:32Here, lady,
00:33:32you drop your ice.
00:33:33But I don't want any ice.
00:33:35Neither do I.
00:33:39Oh, my God.
00:33:41Now do you want any ice?
00:33:43No.
00:33:44Oh, you're beautiful.
00:33:45Oh, so nice.
00:33:46You've got to overcome me.
00:33:50Right, but remember...
00:33:51Oh, no.
00:33:54Lady, I like you.
00:33:55You've got something
00:33:56but what it is.
00:33:57I'm going to tell him
00:33:58he's crazy.
00:34:09Oh, Professor,
00:34:10I don't see you.
00:34:11What are you doing here?
00:34:12Nothing right now,
00:34:13but I was doing all right
00:34:14until you came in.
00:34:15Oh, so you know the Professor.
00:34:16Sure, he put me in business.
00:34:17He got me on the football team.
00:34:19Now all I've got to do
00:34:20is get him off the couch.
00:34:22Have you read
00:34:23any good books lately?
00:34:24I don't know.
00:34:26I don't know.
00:34:27I don't know.
00:34:27I don't know.
00:34:28I don't know.
00:34:28I don't know.
00:34:37This must be the main highway.
00:34:42Follow me.
00:34:42I've been doing this all day.
00:34:50Pretty popular place, isn't it?
00:34:51Yes, a hot dog stand
00:34:52and clean up here.
00:34:54What are you doing here?
00:34:55Why, me?
00:34:56I'm the music teacher.
00:34:57I give her singing lessons.
00:34:59Since when are you
00:34:59taking singing lessons?
00:35:00Since you came in.
00:35:01What are you doing here?
00:35:03I'm the plumber.
00:35:03I'm just hanging around
00:35:04in case something
00:35:04goes wrong with her pipes.
00:35:06That's the first time
00:35:06I've used that joke
00:35:07in 20 years.
00:35:08Now take a deep breath
00:35:09and follow me.
00:35:23Well, we've got
00:35:23a cozy little place
00:35:24here, haven't we?
00:35:35You sing a high, huh?
00:35:36Yes, I have a falsetto voice.
00:35:38That's funny.
00:35:39My last pupil,
00:35:39she got a falsetto teeth.
00:35:41Well, maybe for the first lesson
00:35:42it's better if you don't sing.
00:35:43And if you don't sing,
00:35:44I think it's much better yet.
00:35:45I'll sing.
00:35:47Everyone
00:35:48says I love you
00:35:49The great big mosquito
00:35:50when he's sting you
00:35:52The fly when he gets stuck
00:35:53on the flight paper too
00:35:54Says I love you
00:35:57Every time
00:35:59the cow says moo
00:36:00She's making the wolf
00:36:01he's very happy too
00:36:02And the rooster
00:36:03when he halla
00:36:04cocked a dooley-dooley-doo
00:36:05Says I love you
00:36:31Maybe it's better if I don't sing too, huh?
00:36:33Yes
00:36:34All right, I'll play
00:36:37I love good music
00:36:38So do I
00:36:39Let's get out of here
00:36:40Sit down
00:36:43I've got to stay here
00:36:44There's no reason
00:36:45why you folks
00:36:45shouldn't go out
00:36:46into the lobby
00:36:46until this thing blows over
00:36:51I love you
00:36:53I love you
00:37:01I love you
00:37:02I love you
00:37:58Well, that's all for the first lesson.
00:37:59I come back next week and teach you how to breathe.
00:38:01And don't breathe until I see you again.
00:38:05If this is a singing lesson, I am a ring-tailed monkey.
00:38:08This is a singing lesson and keep your family out of it.
00:38:10Baravelli?
00:38:11What do you want?
00:38:11Are you going my way?
00:38:12Sure.
00:38:13Well, you go my way and I'll stay here.
00:38:14No, you don't.
00:38:15You're leaving together.
00:38:16And if I find you guys here again, it'll be curtains.
00:38:18I'm on your way.
00:38:22If my son comes back, tell him to take the lamp out of the window.
00:38:35Dad, you've got the wrong football players.
00:38:37You mean the whole team?
00:38:38No, I mean Baravelli and the dog catcher.
00:38:40They're not football players at all.
00:38:42They must be football players.
00:38:43I got them out of a speakeasy.
00:38:44But you've got the wrong ones.
00:38:45The two fellas I told you about are playing for Darwin.
00:38:48Send for Baravelli.
00:38:49Scour the grounds.
00:38:50Don't leave a single stone unturned.
00:38:52He's probably under one.
00:38:58Baravelli.
00:39:00Baravelli.
00:39:05What are you doing in there?
00:39:09Shh.
00:39:09I'm practicing secret sequels.
00:39:11No sequels.
00:39:1272, 86, 74, 56, 101.
00:39:15Come on out.
00:39:16What do you want?
00:39:17Baravelli, you can fix it for our team to win.
00:39:19Oh, no.
00:39:19I want to play.
00:39:21All right, you can play.
00:39:22But listen, there's two football players in the Darwin team I want kidnapped.
00:39:25Have you ever had any experience as a kidnapper?
00:39:27You bet.
00:39:27You know what I do when I kidnap somebody?
00:39:29First I call them up on the telephone.
00:39:31Then I send them my chauffeur.
00:39:33Oh, have you got a chauffeur?
00:39:34What kind of a car have you got?
00:39:35Oh, I don't got a car.
00:39:36I just got a chauffeur.
00:39:38Well, maybe I'm crazy.
00:39:39But when you have a chauffeur, aren't you supposed to have a car?
00:39:41Huh?
00:39:42Well, I had one.
00:39:43But you see, it costs too much money to keep a car on the chauffeur, so I sold the car.
00:39:47Well, that shows you how little I know.
00:39:49I would have kept the car and sold the chauffeur.
00:39:51That's no good.
00:39:52I got to have a chauffeur to take me to work in the morning.
00:39:54Well, if you've got no car, how can he take you to work?
00:39:57He don't have to take me to work.
00:39:58I know he got a job.
00:40:00Baravelli, this is the finish.
00:40:01How much would you want to stand at the wrong end of a shooting gallery?
00:40:06Now, now, boys, now, just a minute, boys, just a minute.
00:40:09Now, let's forget what happened yesterday.
00:40:11I didn't come here to fight.
00:40:12You've got to fight.
00:40:13I've already taken my coat off.
00:40:14I want to talk to Baravelli.
00:40:16Now, you wouldn't mind stepping out, would you?
00:40:18Why, I'd love to step out, but I'd have to see the girl first.
00:40:21Baravelli, I've got a proposition for you.
00:40:23Watch yourself, Baravelli.
00:40:24He's almost as crooked as you are.
00:40:26Let's go in here.
00:40:33Baravelli, I want you to do something for me.
00:40:35I'm busy.
00:40:36Me and my partner, we've got to kidnap a couple of football players on the Darwin team.
00:40:40Is that so?
00:40:41You don't mean McCarty and Mullen.
00:40:43Well, that sounds something like it, but the fellows I mean are Mullen and McCarty.
00:40:47I'll give you a tip.
00:40:49The boys you want live at 39 Hanley Street.
00:40:52That's fine, thanks.
00:40:53Now, I want you to do something for me.
00:40:56What do you want?
00:40:57Listen.
00:40:58Give me the signals.
00:41:00This 500 bucks is yours.
00:41:03All right.
00:41:05Here's the signals.
00:41:09Hey, wait a minute.
00:41:10These are the wrong signals.
00:41:11These are Darwin signals.
00:41:12You think I'd give you $500 for Darwin signals?
00:41:15Why, they cost me 200.
00:41:16I guess I've got to make a little profit.
00:41:38Here's thephones.
00:41:40Let's do it.
00:41:40I can't do it.
00:44:46Say listen, you've got to get busy and get those football signals.
00:44:49But I thought you were going to get them.
00:44:51If I did, I wouldn't be asking you to go after them, would I?
00:44:55Now, look, all you've got to do is to get to Professor Wagstaff.
00:44:58He's got the Huxley signals.
00:45:00And I'm depending on you to get them here before the game.
00:45:02Yes, but how?
00:45:09And remember, all you're to get is football signal.
00:45:31Everyone says I love you, but just what they say it for, I never knew.
00:45:38It's just inviting trouble for the poor sucker who says I love you.
00:45:47Take a pair of rabbits who get stuck on each other and begin to whoo.
00:45:56And pretty soon you'll find a million more rabbits who say I love you.
00:46:04When a lion gets feeling frisky and begins to roar, there's another lion who knows just what he's roaring for.
00:46:23Everything that ever grew, the goose and the gander and the gosling too, the duck upon the water when he
00:46:33feels that way too, says...
00:46:37That's a wise quack.
00:46:39You keep your bill out of this, how would you like it if I butted into your affairs and laid
00:46:42an egg?
00:46:50You know, this is the first time I've been out in a canoe since I saw the American Tragedy.
00:46:54Oh, you're perfectly safe, Professor, in this boat.
00:46:57I don't know, I was going to get a flat bottom, but the girl at the boathouse didn't have one.
00:47:01Well, you know, Professor, I could go on like this, thrifting and dreaming forever.
00:47:07What a day, spring in the air.
00:47:09Oh, me? I should spring in the air and fall on the lake?
00:47:12Oh, Professor, you're full of whimsy.
00:47:15Can you notice it from there?
00:47:17I'm always that way after I eat redishes.
00:47:25Oh, is that important?
00:47:26Is it important?
00:47:29Oh, is it a football signal?
00:47:31Let them go. Luckily, I've got a duplicate set in my pocket.
00:47:34I always carry two of everything.
00:47:36This is the first time I've ever been out with only one woman.
00:47:38Oh, you mean you take two girls out every time?
00:47:42Particularly in an automobile. I hate to see a girl walk home alone.
00:47:45Do you know, Professor, I've never seen football signals.
00:47:49Do you think a little girl like me could understand them?
00:47:53I think a little girl like you would understand practically anything.
00:47:56Is good, big, strong man going to show little icky baby all about the bad football signals?
00:48:04Was that you or the duck?
00:48:05Of course, if it was you, I'm going to finish this ride with the duck.
00:48:08If icky baby don't learn about the football signals, icky baby going to cry.
00:48:13If icky girl keep on talking that way, big, strong man is going to kick all her teeth right down
00:48:19her throat.
00:48:21A naughty man did only fool her.
00:48:24Just for that, I'm coming right over there and smother naughty man with kisses.
00:48:28You couldn't make that onions instead, could you?
00:48:33Oh, so that's your game.
00:48:35That's your game, is it?
00:48:36Oh!
00:48:39Professor Wagstaff!
00:48:41Professor Wagstaff!
00:48:42Oh, just call me Quincy.
00:48:44After you get to know me, buddy, you can call me Quince.
00:48:46Oh, throw me the lifesaver.
00:48:49The lifesaver.
00:48:50Oh, Professor Wagstaff!
00:48:52Oh, please, hurry, Professor.
00:48:54Oh, Professor.
00:49:01Thirty-nine.
00:49:02This is it.
00:49:10Hello?
00:49:11Yeah, there's McCarty.
00:49:15So they're coming right over, eh?
00:49:17Okay, Mr. Jennings, we'll take care of them.
00:49:20Can you beat it?
00:49:21Jennings says Baravelli and the dog catcher are coming over here to kidnap us to keep us out of the
00:49:26game.
00:49:32This the place.
00:49:33Now, how are we going to catch them?
00:49:36Oh, that's for catching flies.
00:49:38Baseball players catch flies.
00:49:39We look for football players.
00:49:41You bring the tools.
00:49:42You got to shovel the axe and the pick.
00:49:44Where's the pick?
00:49:47Oh, that's no pick.
00:49:49That's a hog.
00:49:50A hog.
00:49:51Don't you know where the hog is?
00:49:53Oh, come on.
00:49:54Let's get busy.
00:49:55We got to kidnap a couple of football players.
00:50:00We're looking for Mullen and the McCarty.
00:50:03That's us.
00:50:03What can we do for you?
00:50:04You got a brother?
00:50:06No.
00:50:07You got a sister?
00:50:08Yeah.
00:50:09Well, your sister, she's a very sick man.
00:50:11You better come with us.
00:50:12Yeah?
00:50:12Well, what happened to her?
00:50:14She had an accident in her automobile.
00:50:17Oh, she has no automobile.
00:50:18Well, maybe she's a fall off a horse.
00:50:20I don't look very close.
00:50:20Come on, we take you in our car.
00:50:22You will, eh?
00:50:23Well, I have no sister.
00:50:25That's all right.
00:50:25We know I got a car.
00:50:27Come on.
00:50:28Well, you think you're going to take us for a ride, eh?
00:50:32This is going to take a long time.
00:50:37Try one at a time.
00:50:45Didn't work, eh?
00:50:48Get tough.
00:50:51Get tough with the other one.
00:50:55Get tough with both of them.
00:50:58Topper!
00:51:12Now you're getting someplace.
00:51:20Hey, Pinky.
00:51:21You better think of something else.
00:51:27I'm exhausted, too.
00:51:28I can't think of anything.
00:51:30Maybe you fellas got an idea.
00:51:32I'll say we got an idea.
00:51:34Where's that rope, Ed?
00:51:37Get him, Ed!
00:51:49Hey, you guys.
00:51:50We'll let you know how the game comes out.
00:51:54We come to kidnap them, they kidnap us.
00:51:57That's the fix of flying we're in.
00:51:59How are we going to get on it?
00:52:00I got an idea.
00:52:01You got a rope?
00:52:05That's good.
00:52:06That's fine.
00:52:06Tie on the bed.
00:52:07Throw the rope out of the window.
00:52:09Tie on the bed.
00:52:10Throw the rope out of the window.
00:52:14Hey!
00:52:16What do you do, eh?
00:52:17You throw the rope out of the window,
00:52:19but you're not tying on the bed.
00:52:20No, I don't mean to tie.
00:52:21I mean to tie the rope.
00:52:23Now what are you going to do?
00:52:29You're crazy.
00:52:30It's no good.
00:52:31How are we going to get out of here?
00:52:34Call me.
00:52:35You want a break on my neck?
00:52:37Oh, nice.
00:52:39Don't worry, Mr. Jennings.
00:52:41Everything's working out fine.
00:52:43Well, that's all right.
00:52:45The game's in the bag.
00:52:47See you later.
00:52:50Well, I wonder what the two mugs are doing up there.
00:53:15I wonder what the two mugs are doing up there.
00:53:28Well, well.
00:53:30Our little playmates.
00:53:31Just in time for a cup of tea.
00:53:33We got no cups.
00:53:35But we'll see you after the game.
00:53:36Come on, Pinky.
00:53:37Let's go.
00:53:38No, you don't.
00:53:40Take off your coat.
00:53:42Come on.
00:53:44Slap into it.
00:53:44Off of your shirt.
00:53:46Quit stalling.
00:53:48Now take off your pants.
00:53:49Hey, I got a day.
00:53:50Nothing to do.
00:54:09That goes for you, too.
00:54:11Take that coat off.
00:54:15Stand over there, you.
00:54:17Come on, Ed.
00:54:18Let's take that coat off.
00:54:26Now, if you boys will excuse us, we'll run along and play a little football.
00:54:29Just make yourselves right at home.
00:54:31Tune in on the radio if you want to see how the game's going along.
00:54:37I'll send my sister over to keep your company.
00:54:45Gee, I guess it's locked.
00:55:10Oh, boy, what a pretty play.
00:55:11Darwin just completed a forward pass for touchdown, and the crowd is going wild.
00:55:16Well, folks, there seems to be no stopping Mullen and McCarthy today.
00:55:20Two minutes left to play in the first quarter, and oh, what a lacing the Huxley team is getting.
00:55:31There they go.
00:55:32McCarthy has the ball, and he's breaking through.
00:55:44Well, partner, I guess we made a grand slam.
00:55:50Oh, my God!
00:55:51Oh, my God!
00:55:52Oh, my God!
00:55:53Oh, my God!
00:56:24Hey, Piggy, hurry up!
00:56:26Hurry up!
00:56:27Come on!
00:56:27Come on!
00:56:28We still got time to play.
00:56:29Michael!
00:56:34Well, you're a couple of fine kidnappers.
00:56:36You know that the fellas you kidnapped got here before you did?
00:56:39Look at that score.
00:56:4012 to nothing.
00:56:41A fat lot you care.
00:56:42You realize what it means if Huxy loses this game?
00:56:44It means shame, disgrace, humiliation.
00:56:47And besides, you're crazy if you don't play the ace.
00:56:49Come on and fight!
00:56:51No, no, no, no!
00:56:52Get in that game!
00:56:57Listen, you bunch of butterfingered milksops.
00:56:59The way you're playing, you couldn't beat a girls' basketball team.
00:57:02We've got to win this game, do you understand?
00:57:04Even if we have to use our star play, number 37.
00:57:06You remember it, don't you?
00:57:07The quarterback gets the ball, goes around left end,
00:57:10and makes a lateral pass to the right guard.
00:57:12Sit there.
00:57:12Wait a minute.
00:57:13Boys, if you can't beat that bunch of half-witted goofs...
00:57:15Sit there.
00:57:16What do you want?
00:57:16Well, you're talking to the wrong team.
00:57:18I know I am, but our team wouldn't listen to me.
00:57:20Oh.
00:57:24Hey, which way are you going?
00:57:26Out there.
00:57:26All right, drop me off at the 40-yard line.
00:57:34Where's your number?
00:57:41My boy, get in there and play like you did in the last game.
00:57:44I've got five dollars better than the other team.
00:58:02Ready?
00:58:03Okay.
00:58:04Ready?
00:58:04Okay.
00:58:05Let's go.
00:58:14Ah, here comes Professor Wagstaff.
00:58:17Will you say something, Professor?
00:58:18I will if you get up out of there.
00:58:19Professor Wagstaff will tell you all about the game.
00:58:23This is some football game and I wish you were here.
00:58:26In fact, I wish you were here instead of me.
00:58:28Last week in the same hour I told you that Mrs. Moskowitz was expecting a blessed event.
00:58:32Well, last night Mrs. Moskowitz had twins.
00:58:34Okay, Mr. Moskowitz.
00:58:38Thank you, Professor.
00:58:39It was nothing at all.
00:58:51The boys are back in the field.
00:58:53They're lined up.
00:58:54Huxley's about to kick off to Darwin.
00:58:56And there they go.
00:59:07Come on.
00:59:10Come on.
00:59:12Come on.
00:59:16Pardon me.
00:59:32That'll teach him to pass a lady without tipping his hat.
00:59:35Hey.
00:59:36Come on.
00:59:43Come on.
00:59:44Come on now.
00:59:45Drive it in.
00:59:46Hey, look out there.
00:59:46You want to get hurt?
00:59:47We're going to throw a forward pass.
00:59:48Yes.
00:59:50Signal.
00:59:51Eighteen seventy-two.
00:59:52Forward pass.
00:59:53Jingle assault.
00:59:54Eeny, meeny, miny, moe.
00:59:55Ready or not.
00:59:55Here we go.
00:59:56Hick, hap.
01:00:07That tackle will cost your team fifteen yards.
01:00:10Ha, ha, ha.
01:00:11You're supposed to tackle a man with a ball.
01:00:12You understand?
01:00:15The ball.
01:00:16You're a richy idea.
01:00:19Hey, idiot.
01:00:19Where's that ball?
01:00:21Hey, look. He's got the mumps.
01:00:23Oh, come on. Give me that ball.
01:00:25Give me it.
01:00:29I've got the fire in there.
01:00:38You got a diff over there.
01:00:39Signal.
01:00:4018, 42, 56, and run.
01:00:42Hook.
01:00:50No, we're not back there.
01:01:03Wait. Wait. Come on.
01:01:28Come on, boys.
01:01:32Jumping anaconda.
01:01:34Is there a doctor on the stands?
01:01:36Why, yes. I'm a doctor.
01:01:37How do you like the game, doc?
01:01:48Come back for me in five minutes.
01:01:52Hi!
01:01:54Hmm. Fancy seeing you here.
01:01:56Well, it's a small world after all.
01:01:59Hi!
01:02:08Why weren't you in that last scrimmage?
01:02:10I'm sending this one out.
01:02:11What are you doing with that cigar in your mouth?
01:02:14Why, do you know another way to smoke it?
01:02:16Get on your feet.
01:02:20Don't look now, boys,
01:02:21but I think I see the chemistry professor
01:02:22up in the stands with the janitor's wife.
01:02:27Here, have a cigar.
01:02:30Hi!
01:02:32Get on.
01:02:33Signal!
01:02:34Humpty-dumpty, shout-on-the-wall,
01:02:35Professor Wagstaff gets the ball.
01:02:37Hi!
01:02:37Hi!
01:02:38Hi!
01:02:58Hey, bring that ball in here!
01:03:04Wait!
01:03:15There goes the ball.
01:03:22Go on, Pinky!
01:03:23That's the boy who make a home run.
01:03:25At it, let's go.
01:03:33Gee, that's great, Pinky.
01:03:34You made a touchdown.
01:03:36Are you tired?
01:03:37Oh, that's marvelous.
01:03:45Hi!
01:04:06I forgot your phone number.
01:04:07Will you give it to me again?
01:04:08Where's that ball?
01:04:12Here it is!
01:04:13Come on, get off that ball.
01:04:15You're moving up the gate.
01:04:16Let's go.
01:04:17Let's go, men.
01:04:18Let's go.
01:04:21Hey!
01:04:25Signal!
01:04:27Hum-na-do-a-tray-a-bendy.
01:04:28This time with all left-handy.
01:04:30Hey!
01:04:30Hey!
01:04:33Hey!
01:04:34Hey!
01:04:35Hey!
01:04:37Hey!
01:04:37Hey!
01:04:47Hey!
01:04:47Nice way, Pinky.
01:04:56Signal!
01:04:57Hi, diddle-diddle, the captain, the fiddle.
01:04:59This time, I think we go through the middle.
01:05:01Hike!
01:05:05Whoa!
01:05:07Whoa!
01:05:08Whoa!
01:05:08Whoa!
01:05:08Whoa!
01:05:13Hey, you're running the wrong way!
01:05:46We are gathered together here to join this man and this woman in the bonds of matrimony,
01:05:52which is an honorable estate.
01:05:54Do you take this man to be your lawful wedded husband?
01:05:57I do.
01:05:59Do you take this woman to be your lawful wedded wife?
01:06:02We do!
01:06:09Do you take this man to be your lawful wedded wife?
01:06:13I do.
01:06:15I do.
01:06:18Do you take this man?
01:06:32Be a man, boy.
01:06:36Come on.
01:06:37Come on.
01:06:38Come on.
01:06:41The End
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