- 7 minutes ago
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Short filmTranscript
00:00But my generation has been witness to some way-historic peacemaking photo ops.
00:06Never did my comrades and I believe we would live to see this.
00:10Dee and Murray, Bronson Alcott's broken-up couple of the year, sitting down at the same lunch table.
00:17Bon appetit.
00:19Have a happy meal.
00:20Okay, a little chilly and not the romantic accord I tried to contrive.
00:25But it was a big step towards Friendsville.
00:27And once there, it's just a short commute to Kissy Town.
00:32Sure, let's just try to get through lunch.
00:34So, I hear this weekend's going to be sunny.
00:43Sean?
00:44Yes, sun. Lots of sun.
00:47Sun, sun, sun.
00:52Ooh, an icy chill in the air.
00:56Let me guess.
00:57Cher is forcing the two of you to have lunch together and you don't want to.
01:01It was merely a suggestion.
01:03And I happen to think a very good one.
01:05Oh, yes.
01:06The gang reunited.
01:09How wretchingly heartwarming.
01:11Look, I'd love to sit down and pull this lunch out of the crapper.
01:13But I just came to tell you that we're still on for Friday night.
01:16Amber, we've never been on for Friday night.
01:19Fine. Then the extracurricular activity column on your college application will be as empty as this conversation before I arrived.
01:26See ya.
01:27Cease the depart.
01:28What extracurricular activity have you found that's so great?
01:31Charity work.
01:32The retired actor's home.
01:34Excellent.
01:35We can bring joy to all those old stars from Hollywood's golden age.
01:39I wonder if Carrie Fisher will be there.
01:41First of all, the only thing we're bringing is 20 bucks each for Arnold, the Crooked Night Manager, with our
01:47time cards ready to be signed.
01:49What, and for an extra 20, he lets us rifle through their personal belongings?
01:53So you've met Arnold.
01:55Amber, we'll go on Friday.
01:57But we are staying and actually helping.
01:59Fine. Change Jamie Farr's diaper.
02:01I'll be partying at the Roxbury.
02:04Hey, I love the Roxbury.
02:06Hmm, yeah.
02:08Isn't that the place where you got booted off the dance floor for Crimes Against Rhythm?
02:14Nice.
02:18So, are we all on for Friday night?
02:20I'll go if there's Jell-O.
02:21Please, it's an old folks' home.
02:23They make it by the bathtub full.
02:25D?
02:26Sure.
02:27Murray?
02:28Oh, I'd love to, but I've got a date.
02:30A date.
02:31A date.
02:32A date.
02:33A date.
02:34A date.
02:37Oh, suddenly, this lunch is worth sitting for.
02:45She is literally the Polaroid of perfection.
02:52She has everything and she'll give it to you in a second.
02:57Looks can't you see.
02:59She wears her heart on her sleeve.
03:02She'll steal you away.
03:06Not just the one day.
03:09Every day is an ordinary day.
03:14In her world, she's an ordinary girl.
03:26Even though Dee claimed she was totally okay with Murray's return to the dating game, something
03:31told me she was in deep denial.
03:33How, Dee?
03:34We're supposed to be faking this.
03:36Sorry.
03:37Do you want to discuss Murray getting back into the dating game?
03:40No.
03:41It's a complete non-issue.
03:43So, Murray's got a girlfriend, huh?
03:45I hear she's foxy.
03:47Shimmer, no!
03:52Straddle, straddle, step, step, straddle, straddle, step, step.
04:02We're burnin'.
04:03We're tonin'.
04:04Woo!
04:06Here I am, single, the entire two years of your relationship.
04:09Woo!
04:10And you're free like a half an hour, and already you're hooked up.
04:14First of all, I can't believe you're a wooer.
04:17Hey, I'm just trying to feel the burn.
04:18Woo!
04:19Okay?
04:20Now, who is she?
04:21No one.
04:22I just said I had a date to tinkle the off.
04:25And it worked.
04:26Woo!
04:27I know.
04:28Did you see the look on her face?
04:30Woo!
04:30Woo!
04:31Duval, either woo with the rest of the class, or take a lap.
04:36Woo!
04:40Look, don't take out your unresolved issues with Murray on me.
04:43Take them out on some hunky third party.
04:47Don't get mad.
04:48Good plan, Red.
04:49I remember once when I wanted to punish a certain wandering golf pro,
04:53I hooked up with one brooding dreadlock folk singer.
04:56Woo!
04:57Let's just say that three weeks and 20 coffee houses later,
05:00someone's golf handicap was completely disabled.
05:03I like where this is going.
05:05Well, you should.
05:06During snack time, the school nurse bummed a cigarette off me
05:09and let slip that she just treated Murray for a case of third-degree hickeys.
05:13Oh, Millie, no!
05:16Yes!
05:16Oh!
05:18You've got the thighs of a champion.
05:22And march in place!
05:24Our buttocks are getting tighter and tighter and firmer and firmer.
05:29Let's squeeze!
05:31I can't believe you're squeezing!
05:34Hey, it's either squeeze or flunk.
05:36So, have you thought of what happens when Dion finds out you don't actually have a date?
05:40Shorty, you run in your mouth, Tootie.
05:42There's no way she's going to find out.
05:45I'm just saying.
05:46You know Dion.
05:47And in case of espionage, I suggest some preemptive butt coverage.
05:51Good point.
05:52So, just find a date.
05:54By Friday?
05:54That's two days away.
05:56Impossible.
05:58Only if you're you!
06:00Painful, but true.
06:02Let's do it!
06:03Jimmy Smits, eat your heart out!
06:10Who could I possibly date around here?
06:13Why don't we go trolling for an abs-slabbed college boy?
06:17Amber, no!
06:21I like it.
06:22Let's do it.
06:32A little bit.
06:54I like it.
06:54I like it.
06:54.
07:24.
07:25.
07:25.
07:25.
07:25.
07:32.
07:33.
07:44Man, Sean, I lost it.
07:46Two years with D2, and my magic's gone.
07:49Don't blame yourself, man.
07:50Blame me.
07:51I'm a babe repellent.
07:52.
07:55Oh, look at this.
07:56Not even beverages wanna touch my lips.
07:59.
07:59You must be new around here.
08:01That machine?
08:02.
08:03It requires a woman's gentle touch here.
08:08.
08:10.
08:10.
08:11.
08:11.
08:11.
08:11.
08:14.
08:15.
08:15.
08:15.
08:15.
08:17.
08:18.
08:18.
08:19.
08:22.
08:25.
08:25.
08:25.
08:25.
08:25.
08:27.
08:27.
08:27.
08:27.
08:27.
08:27.
08:41Eww, eww, eww.
08:43These college guys are like obnoxious high school boys without curfews.
08:47The guys at the dance club were nice, and gorgeous, and more interested in my hair and
08:52makeup than me.
08:53Look, you're being too picky, now isn't the goal here just to get back at Murray?
08:58Yes.
08:59Avoid eye contact.
09:01Here comes Phi Beta Crappa.
09:03Well, well, well.
09:06Hello, ladies.
09:07I'm Stu.
09:08This is Ty.
09:10We gotta stop meeting up like this.
09:13Adios.
09:14Oh, French major.
09:18Excuse my friend, please.
09:19He's such an idiot around such beautiful girls.
09:21Oh, well, Amber has that lobotomizing effect on guys.
09:27Mind if we join?
09:28Oh, well, excuse me.
09:30We were just about to meet.
09:34Oh, no.
09:36Throw your head back and laugh.
09:43You're so funny.
09:45Turn it down.
09:46You're looking for Andresher look subtle.
09:52Beautiful and funny.
09:54A rare combination.
09:56Oh, aren't you a charmer?
09:58That's who I am, baby.
10:02So, are you free Friday night?
10:04Only if you are.
10:06I am.
10:07Why?
10:08Why are we whispering?
10:10Because I want to be very, very close.
10:13Oh.
10:14Oh.
10:16Yeah.
10:21Falling for the charms of the old stew-meister, huh?
10:25Cool.
10:26So, how about Friday night?
10:29Oh, I'd love to go out with you Friday night.
10:32You just say where and when, Snoopy.
10:34Stewie.
10:35Snoopy.
10:36Stewie.
10:37Whatever.
10:43Hello.
10:48Excuse me.
10:50What a crock.
10:52He fired Arnold, the crooked night manager.
10:54Now how am I supposed to get credit for my charity work?
10:57Well, here's a thought.
10:58Do the work.
11:00Right.
11:02And as long as you're here, try the Jell-O.
11:04It's my favorite flavor.
11:05Blue.
11:09Hey, isn't that the dad from Alf?
11:11No, that is Alf.
11:12Amber, try to be nice.
11:14What?
11:14It's not like he can hear me.
11:16Cher's right.
11:17One day we're all gonna be that age.
11:18Huh.
11:20Impossible, Sean.
11:22Who'd he have to sleep with around here to get a piece of cake?
11:25Opal, try to be nice.
11:27Claire's right.
11:28One day we used to be that age.
11:30Impossible, Chef.
11:45Oh, look.
11:47The revival cinema is showing a double feature.
11:49Waiting to exhale and the English patient.
11:53Or we could check out the new Jackie Chan film.
11:56Twice.
11:57Look, Murray, we could go to the movies and you'd have to pay for parking, tickets and popcorn.
12:04And then we'd have to fight obnoxious people for seats.
12:07And then when the movie finally starts, you pretend you're not putting your arm around me.
12:12And I pretend to accidentally put my hand on your knee.
12:15And all the while, we both be thinking the same thing.
12:19I can't wait to get back to the apartment.
12:21So, we're already here.
12:23What do you say we just skipped the movie part?
12:27Excuse me while I go pinch myself.
12:29Let me.
12:30You'll enjoy it a lot more.
12:32Ooh.
12:34Oh.
12:35Oh.
12:36Oh.
12:36God.
12:38kö?
12:42How are they doing it?
12:44How are you doing it?
12:44How are you doing it?
12:44We're alright?
12:44Wooey!
12:45Hey, how are you?
12:47Hey, my man, you made it.
12:50And let me know.
12:51You guys need to get you laid.
12:52Oh!
12:57Come on!
12:58Your skirt and coconuts are up in my room.
13:00Oh, no, no, no, no. My coconuts are staying right down here. Thank you very much.
13:03All right, well, then let's go out back. We built a volcano.
13:08Yeah, at midnight we're going to throw in a virgin.
13:11If there's one left, die!
13:14So, I think it's time for the full Murray.
13:17Oh, thank you, God. We've worked hard for this moment.
13:23I think your pants are ringing.
13:25Oh, baby, don't I know it.
13:28I think you'd better answer it.
13:34What?
13:35Hello?
13:36Hello?
13:37Murray, it's me. I'm in trouble.
13:40Yeah, you're damn right you are.
13:42Are you spying on me?
13:45You need help, girl.
13:47I know, that's why I'm calling.
13:49Where are you?
13:50I'm at a party with these creepy frat guys.
13:53This pig just used my purse as a Gucci vomit bag,
13:55and they're going to sacrifice a virgin.
13:58Waiting.
14:02Don't worry, listen.
14:04I'm at the Gamma house at the university.
14:06Hurry.
14:08Virgin, virgin, virgin.
14:13What the hell are you wearing, Claire?
14:15Looks like something you stole from Daryl Zanik's housekeeper.
14:18Well, at least Daryl Zanik hired me for my acting abilities
14:21and not for my performance elsewhere.
14:25Somebody forget to take her estrogen.
14:28Are you two going to finish the Jell-O?
14:30Because if you don't want to finish the Jell-O,
14:32I want to finish the Jell-O.
14:33It's like a spooky funhouse, Mayor.
14:35They're us at 75.
14:37Which one is me?
14:39Those guys are us?
14:41Oh, please.
14:42Just listen to them.
14:44Oh, please, nursing home Barbie.
14:46The closest you came to sucking face with Bogey
14:49was when you played a leech in the African Queen.
14:53Opal, don't go there.
14:55See?
14:56Well, she's no me,
14:58but she does possess a certain crusty charm.
15:01Look.
15:03It's wiggly.
15:06You're after all these years,
15:08it still makes me laugh.
15:10Oh, I wish my friend Marty was here to see it wiggle.
15:13Marty loved to see the Jell-O wiggle.
15:16Hey, Ma, look.
15:18It's wiggling.
15:19Oh, so that one's me.
15:23Sheer's right.
15:24They are just like us.
15:26Well, if they're us,
15:27then what are we doing here on a Friday night?
15:29I don't mean us we, I mean us them.
15:31What I mean is we owe it to them,
15:32which would be us a great night.
15:34Isn't that the very definition of charity?
15:36Did somebody medicate you?
15:38I'm with Sheer.
15:39Let's bust them out of here
15:40and show them the time of their lives.
15:42No way.
15:42I drove.
15:44Did I ever tell you the time
15:45I guest starred on the Andy Griffith show?
15:48And I did the forbidden foxtrot
15:50with Floyd the barber.
15:52Ooh, ancient celebrity dish.
15:55Okay, let's go.
15:57Yeah.
15:57But you are responsible
15:59if there are any accidents.
16:00So drive carefully.
16:01I am referring to my leather upholstery.
16:03Oh, shit.
16:05Dion!
16:06Dion, I'm here!
16:09Uh-oh.
16:10Excuse me,
16:11I'm looking for a girl named Dion.
16:12Do you know a Dion?
16:13Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho.
16:14Out of my way, buddy.
16:15Well, hey,
16:16no entry without a coconut, bro.
16:17Oh, no, thanks.
16:19I'm cool.
16:19Dion, I'm here!
16:22I need to find a girl named Dion.
16:24Do you know what she's about this tall, green?
16:26All right.
16:28Look, Dion.
16:29You know Dion?
16:29Do you know?
16:30Oh, you know Dion.
16:32Excuse me,
16:32I need to find a girl named Dion.
16:34Oh, that's what you're into.
16:36You can call me Dion.
16:38Oh!
16:40Big bro,
16:40this baby's going for a swim!
16:47D, where are you?
16:48I'm in here.
16:49And here would be?
16:51In the bathroom.
16:54Oh, Murray.
16:55Hi.
16:56There you are.
16:57What took you so long?
16:58There you are.
17:00I think it's time for the steal.
17:06Excuse me,
17:07but from now on,
17:07I'll be escorting D.
17:09She's my date, dude.
17:11The date's over, dude.
17:17And so is your career
17:19as a designated driver.
17:23Oh, it's okay, baby.
17:25It's horrible.
17:26I'm such a jerk.
17:28Well, you don't have to worry about him now.
17:30I'm sorry.
17:31I screwed up your nightmare.
17:33That makes two of us.
17:35Actually, three of us.
17:37Oh, but the stupidest part
17:38is that I'm only at this
17:39Polynesian puke fest
17:40because you had a date.
17:41I would have been better off
17:43with Amber watching
17:44the old folks gum their jello.
17:46Well, to tell you the truth,
17:48I really didn't have a date
17:49when I said I did.
17:51But then I found one.
17:53Subsequently.
17:54So this horrific night
17:55is actually all your fault.
17:58Isn't it always?
17:59Uh-huh.
18:02You know,
18:03you called and said
18:04you were in trouble.
18:05I couldn't even think
18:06about that woman on the couch.
18:07All I knew was
18:08I had to rescue you.
18:09Then she took off her bra.
18:11But still, here I am.
18:13You can always take off your bra.
18:17Now, after you take me home,
18:18just go back to her.
18:20Ah, the moment's passed.
18:22I'm sorry.
18:33How'd that feel?
18:35I felt like I was kissing a friend.
18:38Me too.
18:39Well, maybe that's where we should be.
18:41You and me, just friends.
18:44Who'd have thunk it?
18:45thank you for rescuing me, honey.
18:49Anytime.
18:50Well,
18:51not anytime, all right?
18:52Here's a good example
18:53of a bad time.
18:54I got it.
18:55Let's get out of here, friend.
18:57Virgin!
18:58Virgin!
18:59Virgin!
19:00Virgin!
19:00Virgin!
19:01Oh, come on.
19:02How'd you find out?
19:04Virgin!
19:05Should we stay for the ritual?
19:06No, we could be next.
19:07No, not the lava!
19:11I'm allergic to...
19:21Boy, the Roxbury were dead tonight.
19:23No wonder we couldn't score.
19:25Look at the bunch of losers we're toting.
19:27Yeah, one round of ginger ales.
19:29They're out cold.
19:30Whimps.
19:32So have you really been friends
19:34with those duds for over 50 years?
19:3660.
19:37We went to high school together.
19:40Now, let me tell you something.
19:42I'd break a hip for either one of them.
19:44Why?
19:46A boyfriend's come and go.
19:48But people you can mock
19:50and feel superior to.
19:52Hold on to them.
19:55Thanks.
20:00I'm sorry that your big night out
20:02turned out to be such a dud.
20:03Oh, you're not watching out on me, too.
20:06The night is but a pup.
20:08Step on it, red.
20:09We're going to Vegas.
20:12Woo!
20:13We're going to Vegas.
20:17We're going to Vegas.
20:19Oh, we're going to Vegas.
20:37Don't leave me.
20:37You