I have been married for twelve years now and I thought I knew everything about my spouse’s family.
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00:00I've been married for 12 years now and I thought I knew everything about my spouse's family.
00:04We live in a small town where everyone knows everyone and secrets are supposed to be impossible
00:09to keep. That is what made the events of last month so shocking. I still have trouble believing
00:15it happened and I was there for every piece of it. It started on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
00:20My spouse's mother called and said we needed to come over for dinner. That was not unusual.
00:25We have dinner at her house every other Sunday. But her voice was different. She sounded tired
00:31and also excited at the same time. She said please do not bring the children. That was
00:36the first red flag. We have 3 children and she never asks us to leave them at home. She
00:42loves having them around. She bakes them cookies and lets them stay up late. So when she said
00:47no kids my spouse and I looked at each other with that look that married people have. The
00:54arrived at her house at 6 in the evening. The rain had stopped but the sky was still gray
00:58and heavy. Her car was in the driveway and so was my spouse's older brother's truck. Also
01:04my spouse's younger sister's car was there. That was unusual because the sister lived 2 hours
01:09away and never came to Sunday dinners. She always said the drive was too long for just
01:15a meal. So right away my heart started beating a little faster. We walked in through the back
01:20door because that is what everyone does in this family. The kitchen smelled like roasted
01:24chicken and potatoes. But no one was cooking. The oven was off. The stove was cold. On the
01:31table there was a stack of papers and an old shoebox. The shoebox was brown and beaten up
01:36and had a rubber band around it. My spouse's mother was sitting at the head of the table with
01:40her hands folded. The older brother was leaning against the counter with his arms crossed.
01:45The younger sister was sitting in a corner chair with her legs pulled up like she was cold
01:50even though the house was warm. Nobody said hello. Nobody asked about the kids. My spouse
01:55just stood there in the doorway and said what is going on. The mother took a deep breath.
02:00She said I have something to tell you all and I have been keeping it for 35 years. She said
02:06I am not going to ask for forgiveness because I do not deserve it. But I am going to ask
02:11you
02:11to listen until I am finished. I sat down because my knees felt weak. My spouse sat down next
02:17to me and grabbed my hand under the table. The older brother uncrossed his arms and his face went
02:22pale. The younger sister started crying before anyone even said anything else. The mother opened
02:28the shoebox and pulled out a photograph. It was an old photograph with that yellowish color that old
02:33photographs have. In the picture was a man I had never seen before. He was tall and thin with dark
02:39hair
02:40and a smile that looked fake. Like he was trying too hard to look nice. He was holding a baby.
02:45A
02:46newborn baby wrapped in a white blanket. The mother said this man was my first husband. She said I
02:51married him when I was 19 years old. He was 25. We were married for two years and then he
02:58left. He left
02:59because he did not want to be a father. He did not want to be a father to the baby
03:04you see in that
03:04picture. My spouse's father is a man named Frank. Frank is a good man. He has been married to this
03:11mother for 33 years. He coached my spouse's soccer teams. He taught the older brother how to fix cars.
03:17He walked the younger sister down the aisle at her wedding. Frank was not in that photograph.
03:23So my brain started doing math. 35 years ago. That was before Frank. That was before any of the
03:30children were born. Or so I thought. The mother said that baby in the photograph is a girl.
03:35She said I named her Mary. She said when my first husband left I was alone and scared and poor.
03:41I had
03:42no money and no family to help me. My own parents had died in a car accident when I was
03:4718. So I made a
03:49choice that I have regretted every single day of my life. I gave Mary up for adoption. I signed papers
03:55and I let her go to a family two states away. I told myself it was for the best. I
04:01told myself
04:01she would have a better life. And then I met Frank and I never told him. I never told anyone.
04:07The room
04:08was so quiet that I could hear the clock ticking in the hallway. My spouse was not looking at the
04:13mother. My spouse was looking at the older brother. The older brother had tears running down his face
04:18and he was not trying to hide them. The younger sister was already crying but now she was crying harder
04:24and making those little gasping sounds that people make when they cannot catch their breath.
04:28The mother said I found Mary three years ago. She found me actually. She did a DNA test through
04:34one of those websites. She matched with a cousin on my side and that cousin reached out to me.
04:40At first I did not want to respond. I was ashamed. But then I thought about her being out there
04:45wondering why her first mother gave her away. So I wrote her a letter. We have been writing letters
04:50for two years now. And last month she asked if she could meet me. I said yes. That is when
04:56the
04:56front door opened. I heard footsteps in the living room. Heavy footsteps like someone wearing boots.
05:02Then a woman walked into the kitchen. She looked like she was about 40 years old. She had the same
05:07eyes as my spouse. The exact same shade of brown with that little gold ring around the pupil.
05:13She had the same nose as the older brother. That small bump on the bridge. She had the same
05:18chin as the younger sister. That pointy little chin that sticks out when someone smiles.
05:23She was not smiling though. She looked terrified. She was holding a small suitcase and wearing a
05:29raincoat that was still wet from the earlier rain. The mother stood up and said everyone this is Mary.
05:35Mary this is your siblings. And she pointed to each one. The older brother. The younger sister.
05:42My spouse. Mary looked at each of them one by one and then she looked at me. I did not
05:47know what I
05:47was supposed to be in that moment. I was just the spouse of a sibling. I felt like an intruder.
05:53Mary said hello. Her voice was quiet and shaky. She said I know this is strange. I know this is
06:00not
06:00normal. I have thought about this moment for two years and I still do not know what to say. So
06:05I am
06:06just going to say that I did not come here to cause problems. I did not come here to ask
06:10for money or a
06:11place to stay. I have a good life. I have a husband and two children of my own. I just
06:16wanted to see where I
06:17came from. I just wanted to look at faces that looked like mine. The older brother was the first
06:22to speak. He said you have his eyes. He pointed at my spouse. You have my nose. He pointed at
06:28himself.
06:29And you have her chin. He pointed at the younger sister. Then he laughed. It was not a happy laugh.
06:36It was a laugh that came out because he did not know what else to do. He said this is
06:40insane. He looked
06:41at the mother and said how could you not tell us. How could you keep this for 35 years. We
06:47played in
06:47this yard. We climbed that tree. We ate dinner at this table every night for our whole childhoods.
06:53And you never once said we had a sister somewhere. The mother started crying. She said I was going to
06:59tell you when you turned 18. But then you turned 18 and I was still scared. Then you turned 21
07:04and I was
07:05still scared. Then Frank got sick with his heart problems and I could not add more stress. There
07:11was always a reason to wait. There was always an excuse. But the truth is I am a coward. I
07:17was a
07:17coward then and I am a coward now. I am only telling you because Mary found me. If she had
07:24not found me
07:24I would have taken this secret to my grave. The younger sister stood up from her chair. She walked over
07:30to Mary and stood in front of her for few seconds without saying anything. Then she hugged her. It
07:35was a long hug. The kind of hug where one person is crying and the other person is also crying
07:40and
07:41neither one wants to let go first. The younger sister said I have always wanted a sister. I mean I
07:46have a sister but she pointed at my spouse who is not a sister but a brother. She laughed and
07:51cried at
07:52the same time and said I always wanted a sister sister. And now I have one. My spouse had not
07:58said a
07:59word yet. My spouse was just sitting there with their hands still in mine. Their hand was cold
08:04and their fingers were stiff. I squeezed and they squeezed back but they did not look at anyone.
08:09They were staring at the photograph on the table. The one with the man and the baby. Finally my spouse
08:15said where is he? Where is the man who left? The father. The mother shook her head. She said I
08:21do not
08:22know. I have not seen him since he walked out that door 35 years ago. I heard he moved to
08:27another state.
08:28I heard he got married again and had more children but I do not know for sure. I stopped looking
08:34for
08:34him after the first year. Mary spoke up then. She said I do not care about him. He is nothing
08:40to me.
08:41I had a father. The man who adopted me was my father. He taught me to ride a bike. He
08:46helped me with my
08:47homework. He walked me down the aisle. That man is my father. This man in the picture is just a
08:53stranger
08:53who happened to share some DNA. My spouse finally looked at Mary. My spouse said I am not angry at
09:00you. I want you to know that. You did nothing wrong. You were a baby. But I need you to
09:05understand
09:06that I am very angry at our mother. I am angry that she lied. I am angry that she pretended
09:12to be this
09:12perfect mother when she had given away a child and never looked back. I am angry that I have a
09:18sister
09:18I never got to grow up with. I am angry that my children have a cousin they do not know.
09:23I am angry
09:24that Frank does not know any of this. Does Frank know? The mother shook her head. She said not yet.
09:30I wanted to tell you all first. I wanted you to hear it from me before I told him. She
09:35paused and
09:36then she said I am going to tell him tonight. After you all leave. I am going to sit him
09:40down and I am
09:41going to tell him everything. I do not know if he will stay. I do not know if he will
09:46forgive me.
09:47But he deserves the truth. The older brothers said what about the rest of us? What about the aunts and
09:53uncles and cousins? What about the people at church? What about the neighbors? Do they get to
09:58know or is this just another secret we have to keep forever? The mother said I am not asking you
10:04to keep secrets. I am asking you to give me time. I will tell whoever needs to be told. But
10:09I want to
10:10tell them myself. I owe them that much. Mary sat down at the table and put her suitcase on the
10:16floor.
10:17She looked around the kitchen like she was trying to memorize every detail. The yellow curtains.
10:22The cracked tile by the sink. The refrigerator covered in old magnets and drawings from the
10:27grandchildren. She said my house has blue curtains. She said it quietly. Like she was talking to
10:33herself. Then she looked at my spouse and said I always wondered if I had siblings. I used to make
10:39up stories about you in my head. I imagined a brother who was good at sports. And a sister who
10:44was good at
10:45art. And another brother who was funny. She looked at the older brother and the younger sister.
10:50And my spouse. She said I was close. You look like you could be good at sports. She pointed at
10:56my
10:56spouse. You look like you could be good at art. She pointed at the younger sister. And you look like
11:01you could be funny. She pointed at the older brother. The older brother smiled a real smile
11:07for the first time. He said I am not funny. I am just loud. People confused the two. That made
11:14everyone laugh. Even my spouse laughed a little. It was a small laugh but it was something. We stayed
11:20at that house for four more hours. We ordered pizza because the roasted chicken never got cooked.
11:25The mother sat at the table and watched us talk. She did not say much after that. She just watched
11:31like she was seeing a movie she had already seen before. Mary told us about her life. She grew up
11:37in a
11:37small town near the coast. She worked at a library for 15 years. She married a man named Pete who
11:43drove
11:43a tow truck. She had two boys who were 9 and 11. She liked to garden and knit and watch
11:49old detective
11:50shows. She had never met anyone who looked like her until that night. The younger sister showed Mary
11:55pictures on her phone. Pictures of the family. Holidays and birthdays and graduations and weddings.
12:01Mary looked at each one slowly. She asked questions. Who is that? Where was this taken? What was the
12:09occasion? She pointed at a picture Frank and said he looks kind. The younger sister said he is kind.
12:15He is the kindest person I know. Then she looked at the mother and her face got hard. She said
12:21he
12:21deserved to know the truth a long time ago. It was almost 11 at night when my spouse stood up
12:26and said
12:26we need to go home. The children are with my parents and I do not want to leave them too
12:31late.
12:32Mary stood up too. She said can I hug you before you go? My spouse hesitated for a second and
12:37then
12:38nodded. They hugged. It was a stiff hug at first and then it softened. My spouse said we will talk
12:44again.
12:44Mary said I would like that very much. On the drive home my spouse did not say a word. I
12:50did not push.
12:51I just drove and watched the road. When we got home my spouse went into the bathroom and closed the
12:56door. I heard the shower run for a long time. Longer than usual. When my spouse came out their
13:02eyes were red but they did not want to talk about it. They just said I need to sleep. And
13:07they did.
13:07They fell asleep almost immediately. But I did not sleep. I laid there in the dark and thought about
13:13secrets. How big they can be. How heavy. How you can carry one for 35 years and still get up
13:19every
13:20morning and make coffee and go to work and laugh at TV shows and pretend everything is normal.
13:24The next day Frank called my spouse. He said your mother told me everything. He sounded old. Older
13:31than he had sounded the day before. He said I am not angry. I am hurt but I am not
13:37angry. She was a
13:38scared young woman. And she made a choice. I wish she had told me. I wish she had trusted me.
13:44But I
13:45cannot change the past. And that girl Mary did nothing wrong. She is family now. Family does not turn away
13:51family. The younger sister drove back to Mary's town two weeks later. She took her art supplies and
13:57she painted a picture of Mary's house. The blue curtains and the garden and the tow truck in the
14:02driveway. Mary hung it in her living room. The older brother invited Mary and her family to his
14:08daughter's birthday party. Mary came with her husband and her two boys. The boys played with the
14:13other kids like they had known each other their whole lives. The adults stood around the grill
14:18and talked like old friends. My spouse talked to Mary for an hour that day. I did not hear what
14:23they said but when they finished my spouse was crying and Mary was crying and they hugged for a
14:28long time. The mother goes to therapy now. She goes every Tuesday. She told me once that her therapist
14:34said secrets are like anchors. They keep you in one place. They keep you from moving forward. She said
14:41she is tired of being anchored. As for me I am just the spouse. I am the one who married
14:47into this
14:48family. I am the one who watched from the corner of the kitchen that night. I do not have any
14:53answers.
14:53I do not have any great wisdom. All I have is this story and I am telling it because sometimes
14:59the truth
15:00is stranger than anything you could make up. Sometimes the truth is a rainy sundae and a shoebox
15:05and a woman named Mary who just wanted to see a face that looked like hers.
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