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00:15Oh I'm feeling sexy already. You never know, my next career choice might be a burlesque
00:21performer. I think it's going to be. I would love that. Cover me in sequence.
00:31It just feel extremely comfortable on burlesque stages which is interesting because people would
00:39sometimes consider it quite vulnerable to be taking off your clothes in front of people.
00:45I can remember looking at him and I just got this flood of oh I want a piece of that.
00:51She got more than a piece ultimately didn't she?
00:55I'm Madeline Stewart and I'm spilling the tea on love, lust and everything in between.
01:01Gaining intimate access into everyday disabled people's love lives. To ask the question,
01:07what's the big deal with disabled sex? Being paralysed and kind of stuck flat and having
01:14to tell people what to do was kind of being dominant but in the act of sex I felt very
01:19submissive and everyone did things to me which sounds great you know sometimes but sex to me
01:25is more about versatility. From mainstream perspectives disability is either infantilised
01:31or fetishised. We are not allowed to be sexy or we are only sexy because it is a specialised fetish.
01:39You don't want to be seen sexually and attractively. There's no reason why you can't be.
01:49Oh and by the way if you thought this didn't apply to you statistically speaking you're just a
01:55one of us to stumble down the stairs away from being one of us. Welcome.
02:09It is incredibly freeing to perform burlesque because it feels like you're breaking the rules.
02:18Jacqueline Tedmondson also known as Diana Devine is a 29-year-old award-winning burlesque performer
02:25based in Adelaide. Getting naked on a stage is not something I would ever have been you know allowed
02:32to do. As a person with disability I know exactly what it's like to be looked at every single day
02:38but when you perform you get to control the way that people view you you're in charge of the way
02:43that people perceive you and that's what Jacqueline or should I say Diana Devine does so well.
02:56It's yeah empowering I would say to take your clothes off and have people cheer especially being
03:04not a particularly thin body type being visibly disabled. Jackie is neurodivergent and also has a
03:13physical disability sometimes she uses a walking stick and sometimes a wheelchair proving once and
03:19for all that mobility aids can be really hot. Having genuine support when you're showing off your
03:28body in all its glory it's not something that a lot of people would imagine would happen. The most common
03:37nightmare is you're naked when you shouldn't be and this is what I'm choosing to do on my weekends.
03:42The sexual expression was also something that I was really drawn to having that ability to do whatever
03:49I want on stage and kind of command the audience. Diana Devine is the boss so sexy so in control
04:01you
04:02have to surrender to Diana Devine.
04:08I do encourage everyone who's won these titles to just obnoxiously sash wear. Wear the sash.
04:13Yeah. Don't pack it away.
04:15My disability is kind of dynamic and multifaceted but primarily I have Ehlers-Danlos syndrome which is
04:22a connective tissue disorder. It's genetic and degenerative. It basically means any of the soft tissue in
04:28my body so that includes muscles, that includes my skin. It's all particularly stretchy and can break
04:35and tear easily but most commonly that translates into easily dislocating my joints. What's been your
04:42journey around disability and discovering your disability because with a lot of chronic illnesses
04:47it can take a little while to figure out what's going on. As a child I did have a lot
04:52of injuries. Often I
04:53had my friends comment on the fact that I always had something wrapped up or strapped up. We didn't really
04:58link any of this together. When I was about 19 years old I had quite a significant back injury while
05:05performing. Because I had spent my whole life ignoring that pain I'd built up a really strong
05:10pain tolerance and had stopped kind of acknowledging how bad the pain was. After that we kind of started
05:18monitoring my injuries a lot closer. 5.5 million Australians live with disability. That's over 20%
05:26of us. Quite a chunk. Lots of people with disability embrace their differences finding pride, power and
05:34sensuality in their uniqueness. One of these. I wanted to ask does your disability sometimes shape
05:41your sexuality? Definitely chronic pain plays a huge part in libido and how often I actually want to and
05:50then there's the wanting versus the physically able. Navigating my fairly fragile body which can
05:58dislocate quite easily it's tricky. You know sometimes I've had injuries from sex and so a lot of the time
06:08it feels like it's when the stars align. Other times it feels like a spontaneous why not and you're kind
06:16of
06:16risking it a little bit. Which can also add to the fun of it at the end of the day.
06:29Trucking!
06:32Good for you. Welcome to my boudoir.
06:35Oh it's not every day getting to a shed with a young man. All right let's have a look.
06:42Oh reveal. Who's this hunk? Um so that is an old snapchat photo I found of myself.
06:51Wow Kyle. Whoa whoa whoa. Whoa whoa whoa whoa. Well yeah I mean I used to make a joke that
06:58uh I would
06:59have abs for my life and then I broke my neck so uh. Well you kind of do have abs
07:03all your life.
07:04It's captured in paint. True yeah. It's forever. True yeah. My good friend Kyle Montgomery is from
07:12Wollongong south of Sydney. At 38 he's a disability activist and a visual artist. And you paint a lot
07:20of the female form. Who could not like women the form of women. I mean just bodies in general. I
07:30started
07:31drawing portraits and I love drawing just the human form. Before his injury Kyle was a super fit and
07:40active guy. He ran a mixed martial arts gym teaching adults and children. In 2019 he was training with a
07:48friend when a wrestling maneuver went terribly wrong. I tried to go for a takedown. I couldn't get him.
07:54So I switched up for what was called a shoulder throw. Problem was I didn't turn my neck correctly
07:59to roll. I actually landed in a position that actually forced my neck to go under my body.
08:05Which caused a hyperextension injury. And it sounded like a large branch snapping. That's what it sounded
08:12like. I could see my legs and I could see my body but I I couldn't feel any of it.
08:19And then over time
08:20I started to feel my breathing get worse and worse and I was like I think my system was shutting
08:26down.
08:27And that's when I started to panic because I was like I think I'm like dying.
08:37Kyle spent almost a year in hospital. Slowly he got some arm and bicep function back and his injury was
08:45classified as a C5 level quadriplegia. Kyle was in the process of splitting up with his partner when
08:52the accident happened. I literally had this life-changing injury. Lost a partner of 10 years
09:00and I've been living in hospital. Yeah I think the grieving was probably the biggest thing.
09:07Getting used to the idea that I'm a wheelchair user. Hoping that I would be one of the miracle people
09:13that get up and walk again. And all these things I'm struggling with now would be a distant memory
09:19until it wasn't. Kyle was working hard in rehab and still figuring out what his body could do.
09:30Erections started happening and I was like oh it still works cool. So I started having these
09:36thoughts around sex now because you know typical man you know hard sex. I wasn't even thinking
09:43sex in like a more holistic sense. It was just like I just need someone to sit on top of
09:48that right now.
09:49All I knew at the time was I wanted some fun and sex. So yeah I wrote this haiku. Cool
09:56guy in a chair
09:57looking for a fun cute girl to sit on his face. That was it yeah. It's perfect. Yeah. I'd swipe
10:03right
10:03on the haiku. Well I discovered that was the case yeah. I think part of me was like do I
10:09put myself in
10:10the wheelchair in my dating profile. So my main profile picture was the blue hospital curtains and
10:18me in a wheelchair. I don't know doing these ones or I don't know what I was doing. Well look
10:23the haiku did
10:24the heavy lifting my friend. Yeah I don't think it's very desirable to see someone in hospital
10:29in any dating profile. Yeah. But I think it was more like this is my reality. I may as well
10:34show
10:34it because like we're not going to be going on any like you know fancy dates by the beach.
10:41Just before COVID hit Kyle moved into a service department with 24-hour care and support.
10:48Unable to make sourdough like everyone else during lockdown,
10:51Kyle hit the dating apps for a few hookups. We'd have our little chat, build a little bit of a
10:57connection. We're going to do this. Cool. I would have my support workers nearby. Can you put me into
11:03bed? You can go away for now and come back in like I don't know an hour or two or
11:09I'll call out to you
11:10and then you know the person would come in and we'd do the deed yeah. Wow because I wondered what
11:17that would be like as someone you know chatting on Tinder come on over and then there's like a room
11:21full of people and you're like oh don't worry about them. Yeah I think I very much told people
11:26what the go was this person's going to come in put me to bed they're going to leave cool and
11:30that was
11:30kind of the deal. We're all human beings and part of being human is experiencing disability. It's a
11:41natural part of it and when disability inevitably comes into your life it's a great opportunity for
11:47self-acceptance and self-exploration as well.
11:56Hey have a look at the ducks. Oh goodness me. Dr Deborah Keenahan lives on the central coast of New
12:03South Wales. She's an artist, a playwright and an academic with two PhDs to her name. Attraction is
12:10a strange and inexplicable thing. Yes physically it hits me. She met her husband Robert, a photographer,
12:19on a shoot in 2014. We were taking these photographs and Robert had his camera. It was one smooth
12:28movement of twisting his cap around and bending down so that he was crouching to take and I can
12:38remember looking at him and I just got this flood of oh I want a piece of that.
12:48She got more than a piece ultimately didn't she.
12:54Even now if he does that I still get that whoa.
12:59A vital question. How do you navigate the height difference?
13:04I embrace it.
13:07And you're always the same height lying down.
13:11We are. That's right. So lying down yes it makes no difference does it?
13:20Deborah and Robert married in 2017 with Deborah's daughter Sarah the bridesmaid.
13:27Robert is there anything that Deborah does that makes you go?
13:30Oh yes. Sometimes she gets this childish grin on her face. I'm always telling you she's
13:38cute. Never tired of seeing it. Look like that. There we go. That's the one.
13:44Shall we take the plunge?
13:45Yes. Deborah how does Robert make you feel?
13:51Oh accepted. Loved.
14:01I'm the only one with dwarfism in my family. That's typical for people with achondroplasia.
14:0880 percent of us are born to average height parents.
14:14I think their approach was that I was treated just like everybody else. I can remember my dad
14:23saying to me Deborah it would be really good if society came to you and maybe it should but it
14:32probably won't. You're going to have to go to society. And go to society she has. Deborah is a
14:42tireless and vocal advocate with her work depicting the experience of disability. Her latest script
14:48Who's Going to Love You is in development for the stage. What about your body? How do you like to
14:55be
14:56touched? What gives you pleasure? Gentle caring head rubs. I can close my eyes and drift away.
15:06Like so. Oh yes. Please. Take the weight of my head in your hands.
15:16So Deborah tell me a bit more about this work. What things pulled you to this work?
15:21It's about the search, the recognition of sexuality, the search for love and a relationship, intimacy
15:33and acceptance. And I think everybody can relate to that. Yeah.
15:39Meeting Deborah and Robert have really shown me that there is a difference between sexual expression
15:45and intimacy and sex. They all fill different cups that we have and are all vital parts of our healthy
15:53sexual expression. Let's do a bit of that. All right. Jackie and her husband Jackson met as
16:00teenagers in high school. It was casual day and he noticed me. That is honestly for any girl who has
16:08the mufty day, you dress to impress. Exactly. Well done. Yes, I did it. You did it. You live in
16:15the dream.
16:15Thank you. Yes. Sparks Blue. A teenage romance blossomed into a lasting relationship.
16:25They've been together for 15 years and married for five of them. It must be such a lovely bond that
16:32you have very intimate. Yeah, absolutely. He has seen me at my worst and at my best. And I would
16:38think the same for me seeing him. And I think we've both had the opportunity to kind of grow into
16:43ourselves. And luckily we have grown together in that time. That's cute. Yeah. I think these are our
16:51friends that are poly but are not our partners. Disability doesn't discriminate. It's intersectional
16:58and diverse with people expressing their sexuality in many ways. Around one third of the queer community
17:04also identify as having disability. So Jackson isn't actually your only partner. Could you please
17:11talk to me a little bit about polyamory? Yeah. So Jackson and I have been polyamorous the whole
17:16time we've been together. It kind of was born of myself realizing I was bisexual. His logic was,
17:24well, I don't, if we're together forever, I don't want to lock you into never being able to explore
17:30this side of yourself. Yeah. It began as it often does of you're allowed to kiss other girls just to,
17:36just to play around. And then I realized that I wouldn't be that jealous if he were to kiss other
17:42girls as well. And then we both kind of realized we wouldn't be jealous if we were to date other
17:49people as well. And it just kind of snowballed into like, as long as we're communicating, we were kind
17:55of happy for everyone to do what made them happy. So currently I'm not actively seeing anyone else.
18:03Jackson does have another person. She's just absolutely lovely. And as far as I'm concerned,
18:07it's another person in our little community. I hate the math part. Well, that's poly for you.
18:14Math. We all hate the math. And calendars. Yeah. The two worst beats. What impact does your
18:20disability have when it comes to dating, when you do date? Um, so I have had really good and really
18:27bad experiences dating as a disabled person. Haven't we all? I mean, yeah, it's part and parcel. I have
18:34received some pretty badly worded pickup lines usually. Some, yeah, really rough things like,
18:41oh, good to know you can't run away and things like that. They think it's funny, but we find
18:46terrifying. Yes, that's, it's kind of a threat. It's threatening, isn't it? You can't run away from me. Yeah.
19:03Touch is a large part of life. But for many people with disability, it's medical touch
19:10through doctors and support workers. So what role does touch have in your life?
19:16Yeah, um, that is definitely a weird area when it comes to support workers. Because like,
19:23you're very close and intimate with people. Because I am naked all the time,
19:27in the mornings, obviously. So like, things like massage and stretching, I'm nude,
19:32someone's doing that, facilitating it for me.
19:38You know, they're helping me go to the toilet.
19:43You know, sharing me, washing my body, things like that. There is a lot of intimate touch.
19:49So there's this weird crossover of like, platonic intimacy into like, I don't know, in a way of
19:58desire, I guess. I don't think it's very uncommon for people that have support workers and maybe not
20:04dating and they are alone to feel an attraction to the support worker. And this is like, I guess,
20:10feeding into the sex stuff and just dating in general. If you're deprived of that, you go into this
20:17strange zone of like, mistaking certain touch for like, not just kindness, but like, like,
20:30I guess, dipping into this weird grey area where that touch could be misconstrued as like, a form of
20:37like, desire or like, affection. So that is a bit of a danger there.
20:44Like many men his age, Kyle still had a strong interest in sex.
20:51Did you get any help with sex when you're in hospital? Were there OTs or specialists that
20:56talked you through your options or...? It was very much like a sex ed class in school,
21:01where we'd all rock up in our wheelchairs and one of them was around sex, mainly fertility. It was
21:07mostly medical. No one specifically looking at sex holistically. How did you learn how to have sex
21:13again? Because it would be quite different now. My plan for that was to try sex work because I knew
21:21sex workers would have experience with people with disabilities. That was the thought that I had.
21:26I don't know how to have sex. I don't know if I'm going to like it. And I feel a
21:30lot of discomfort
21:31and insecurity around it. So I thought with the sex work experience, maybe I can learn something to
21:38get that confidence back or just feel safe about it. Did it help you? Did you learn some things?
21:45I think what I really learned was that I needed to stop looking at sex so one-dimensionally.
21:53But because I couldn't physically achieve it like I used to, all those other things that I would normally
21:58do in sex were kind of out of the picture for me because like they were all part of the
22:03main goal.
22:04You know what I mean? To get them off and then get me off. Whereas for me, I didn't know
22:11what getting
22:11me off looked like because I didn't know if I could. I very much learned that I couldn't achieve an
22:17orgasm even though things still worked. And that was frustrating. But what I discovered was just the
22:23closeness, cuddling, kissing was fun all together. And I really just liked the closeness and the
22:31intimacy at the end of the day. Oh, hey. Hey. So, here are my sex aids that I use for
22:38my fun times.
22:40For your fun times? For my fun times. And they're accessible? Yes, they're all disability specific
22:43stuff. Oh, I'm very excited then. I discovered that I am able to do doggy style using the hoist
22:51and sling. A hoist and a sling with a dog style? So, is this part of it? Yeah. So, this
22:56is part of it. So,
22:57basically, I'm able to put myself in this kind of a standing position. So, I'm basically vertical.
23:03And, you know, if I do it above the bed, the person can go on all fours. But the problem
23:09with that is,
23:10we discovered that they had to kind of hold on and pull me to them. It was a bit awkward.
23:15Yeah. And I can't really grab them. Yeah.
23:18Yeah. But this works. So, I can put that through. So, imagine,
23:24this is underneath the person's waist. Imagine. Because usually, like, because of my situation,
23:30the person having sex with me, I'm not really doing the sex. Yeah.
23:35Whereas these kind of aids allow me to have the control. Yeah.
23:38So, I feel like I'm doing something. Yeah. That must feel so nice. Yeah.
23:42Yeah, yeah. It's awesome.
23:43Oh, the next mystery box. Viber Act.
23:47Ooh. I've not seen a sex toy like this. How does this, what, what goes, I'm confused.
23:51This looks like a hair straightener. Yeah.
23:53This does look like something I'd use in the 2000s that would whip my hair out and be like,
23:57Ooh. I think it's for fertility, mainly. Oh.
23:59So, people that have, like, neurological injuries that aren't able to ejaculate if they want to have
24:04children helps facilitate, well, I guess in a sense an orgasm, but the purpose is for ejaculation to
24:10get sperm and have children. But none of this is covered by the NDIS. In 2020, the federal court ruled
24:18that people with disability can use their NDIS funds to access sex work services along with sex aids.
24:26Though, reportedly, few people were using it, in 2024, the government changed the rules, banning it.
24:34When we consider that the federal government subsidises Viagra, which is totally reasonable
24:40and necessary, it just doesn't seem fair. With so many people with disability living at or below
24:47the poverty level, affording sexual support without the NDIS isn't a possibility for many.
24:54Access to sex workers have been removed from the NDIS. What are your thoughts on this?
25:00Absolutely bullshit. The Royal Commission into, what was it, violence, neglect,
25:04abuse and exploitation of disabled people show the facts that disabled people are extremely
25:10vulnerable to sexual assault, domestic violence, all kinds of violence. And sex work is a safe avenue
25:18to help disabled people experience and access sex. You take that away, you are putting vulnerable
25:25people into these vulnerable scenarios. The NDIS is about choice and control. Taking away sex work
25:32is taking away both of those things. I get it. I like that one too.
25:39For Deborah, these changes are negating human rights. Sexuality is an inherent part of being human.
25:47To be denied an avenue to express what is an essential part of being human is to deny a person's
26:01humanity.
26:02That's nice. Do you want to give it a go? Yeah, I'll give it a go. I reckon I need
26:07to do it.
26:08Jackie and Jackson are expecting a baby. They're taking their new pram for a test drive.
26:14I can actually lean on it like a walker now. Nice. I'm really excited to be a parent and to
26:23kind of
26:23help navigate the world with a little person. I do think, especially being queer and disabled,
26:31I have a lot of understanding of how tough the world can be, but also how nice it can be
26:36with
26:37community and with people who really love and support you. So we don't really care if it's a boy
26:42or a girl. And honestly, we don't really mind if it's healthy because it will probably be chronically
26:47ill. But as long as it's funny, we're happy. We are all human beings. And part of that is forming
26:55intimate connections with others, just like you. There needs to be a shift in the way that people
27:02and governments view disability and sex. I, for one, think that people with disability have the most
27:08innovative and exciting sex lives. We're very sexy people. But we're not objects to fetishize.
27:15And we're not burdens on the taxpayer. We're not here to be your inspiration, nor do we want your pity.
27:22We are lovers and partners and mothers and fathers and friends. We are valuable parts of society.
27:32And like all people, we deserve to feel sexy and safe.
27:38I got something to say. Gotta work to get paid. You're too little, too late.
27:45Let this be your motivation. You heard me right. Ain't gonna lie.
27:52Guess I'm calling you a gold digger. Cause you ain't messing with no broke bitches.
27:58I'm not your sugar mama. Won't spend my money on you. I'd rather save my dollars so high.
28:06Just look at these views. Won't spend my money on you.
28:09You're too much money on you.
28:10You're too much money on you.
28:11You're too much money on you. You're too much money on you.
28:13You're too much money on you. You're too much money on you.
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