- 9 hours ago
Saturday Night Live UK - Season 1 Episode 8 -
Ncuti Gatwa / Holly Humberstone
tele: https://t.me/TopFilmUSA1
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Ncuti Gatwa / Holly Humberstone
tele: https://t.me/TopFilmUSA1
#film#shows#usa#usashows#hot#filmhot
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:10Well, thanks for taking the time to look round the property.
00:14We'll let you know when it becomes available, Mr Streeting.
00:19Please, call me Prime Minister.
00:22Please call me Prime Minister.
00:25Right, and will it just be yourself or is there a Mrs Streeting?
00:28Actually, I'm gay, but not gay in the fun way.
00:34I'm less Graham Norton gay, more Derren Brown gay.
00:39Good for you.
00:40Well, what else can I tell you?
00:42Oh, central location, gated community, and plenty of storage space.
00:48Give me another chance!
00:50Just four to five more days!
00:53I told you, Liz Truss, you can't keep living in the cupboard.
00:56Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.
00:59I'm sorry about her.
01:01She's so weird.
01:05So, what do you think?
01:06It's an amazing property.
01:08There must be some kind of catch.
01:09Yeah, there is a bit of a catch.
01:11If you live here, everyone in the country is going to hate you.
01:16That's okay.
01:16I don't have any feelings.
01:24Not so fast, sunshine.
01:27Oh, that must be our next viewing, Mr. Burnham.
01:31Andy is my first name.
01:34Andy, what are you doing here?
01:36I thought you were in Manchester.
01:37I took the tram down.
01:41The tram doesn't go to London.
01:43Explains why it took so bloody long.
01:46So, this is how you lot live down here.
01:48Well, la-dee-da.
01:52Andy, I don't remember you being this northern.
01:54I don't remember you at all, shagga.
01:58The point is, it's time for a change.
02:01For an outsider.
02:03A disruptor.
02:05Weren't you an MP for 16 years?
02:07You voted for the Iraq War.
02:10Oh, that was five wars ago.
02:12Besides, you're not exactly Mr. Progressive yourself.
02:16I'll have you know I'm a proud member of the LGBT community.
02:20Lesbian, gay, bi, and texting Peter Mandelson.
02:26Room for a red one.
02:33You said you weren't interested.
02:35I'm not.
02:36I'm just having a look.
02:39Hey, Andy.
02:40How much do you reckon stamp duty is on a place like this?
02:44And would I have to pay it?
02:46So, you are interested.
02:48Get in line, pal.
02:49Right, get in line.
02:50I can't do it.
02:51I can't do it.
02:52You can't do it.
02:53I can't do it.
02:54I can't do it.
02:54You don't turn the internet.
02:57Me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me,
03:03me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me.
03:04What the blob in X going on down here?
03:08What's the Eurovision up there?
03:11You're down here screaming bloody murder.
03:14This is the one program I still enjoy.
03:16Every time I turn on the news, it's just a sad picture of me.
03:21Eurovision's the only show.
03:23I love how they stood up to Russia after they invaded Ukraine.
03:28And I love the wonderful song Israel sang.
03:32Sakia, you're probably wondering why we're all doing here.
03:36I know why you're here, Burnham.
03:40You want me out.
03:41And you know what?
03:43Maybe you're right.
03:45Maybe I should step down.
03:48Two years is pretty good going for a prime minister these days.
03:52That's, like, 24 me's.
03:55Back, Josh, back!
03:57Back, Josh!
04:01Look, I don't know how or if history will remember me.
04:07But whatever you think of me, at the end of the day, I was here.
04:13Was I doing a good job?
04:16No.
04:18But was I doing the best I could do?
04:21No.
04:23But when I look at all of your faces, it makes me think...
04:28It makes me think...
04:32Lammy!
04:33Lammy!
04:34Lammy, will you turn that Eurovision down, please?
04:37Lammy!
04:42And you know what?
04:45All of you, out!
04:47Because as far as I know, I'm still the prime minister!
04:51And I will be for at least the next 75 minutes!
04:55And until then, there's only one thing left to say!
04:59Live from London, it's Saturday!
05:10It's Saturday Night Live!
05:13With...
05:17With...
05:18Comic, animation...
05:25Ayawase, Bramboye!
05:32Larry Dean!
05:39Celeste Spring!
05:45George Fouracres
05:51Anya Magliano
05:56Annabel Marlowe
06:02Al Nash
06:07Jack Sheff
06:13Emma Sini
06:21Hattie Young
06:28Musical guest, Holly Humberstone
06:34And your host, Shuti Gatwa
06:47Ladies and gentlemen, Shuti Gatwa
07:05Hello, hello, hello. Thank you. Thank you. I'm Shuti Gatwa and I am buzzed to be here hosting SNL UK.
07:16We're making history tonight. I'm the first black host. I'm the first queer host. I'm the first openly Scottish host.
07:28It's the last episode of the season so they had to do it all in one. It has been very
07:33exciting to be here. When he asked me to do this show, I'll admit I was nervous. But then I
07:38realised it was maybe the only way I'd get to play my dream role. That's right.
07:43Guy Goma, aka the man mistakenly interviewed on BBC News 20 years ago.
07:52So what does all this mean for the industry and the growth of music online? Well, Guy Cuny is the
07:58editor of the technology website News Wireless. Hello. Good morning to you.
08:10I am so lucky. I have had so many fantastic roles in my career. Millions of you watched me as
08:17Eric in Sex Education.
08:21And then about 12 of you watched me in Doctor Who. Hey, maybe that's why I kept crying. Joking aside,
08:29it was genuinely a magical role. In fact, it was the first time my parents were truly proud of my
08:35career.
08:35When I told them I got the part, they said, finally, a doctor in the family. And even though I
08:41have since regenerated into Billy Piper, I don't understand it either.
08:47I still love Doctor Who and I got to meet so many crazy characters. Sort of a bit like this
08:53place. Yes, I have had an amazing week here getting stuck into things.
08:57In fact, it's allowed me to dust off a few old skills. For instance, did you know I used to
09:03be a go-go dancer? That's right. I went from shaking these globes to the stage at Shakespeare's Globe.
09:09I am a proper theatre actor. That's why tonight I'd really like to show you my Hamlet.
09:14OK, so you'll be needing this then.
09:16Amy Lou what?
09:19What are you doing here?
09:22Hi!
09:23Are you back here now?
09:24Yeah, I just do a little bit of everything.
09:26Oh, my God. Do you know what? I thought I saw you with the caterers.
09:29Yes, yes, I made that lasagna that served 200 people, so.
09:33That's very good. Thank you.
09:34Um, I'm just in my monologue now. Do you know if I get back to my Shakespeare?
09:38Sorry, sorry, of course. You've got this.
09:40I love you!
09:43I love you!
09:45Anyway, as I was saying, I am a classically trained actor, and so I think it's time I get my
09:50soliloquy out.
09:54To be, or not to be, that is the question!
10:03Wow! Turns out that dogo dancer is still in me!
10:08We have got a great show for you tonight with music from the incredible Holly Humbertstone, so stick around and
10:14watch this!
10:20Impa...
10:22Impa...
10:22Why are you down there?
10:25Impa...
10:25...simple!
10:26Hey!
10:26Please do that!
10:28We are Birds of Praise. We're basically delivery for gospel choirs.
10:32Yeah!
10:34Every Sunday, I would watch the choir move people into giving up their life savings, and I just thought to
10:41myself, I can do that.
10:43Yes, the numbers make sense. Uh, Lawrence?
10:45Yeah?
10:46I'm on the phone.
10:47Sorry.
10:48We found the perfect iteration of gospel that won't send the Whites into a panic, so previously, it was something
10:54along the lines of this, so...
10:56So...
10:57We don't do that anymore. It's much more gentle, so it's more...
11:06White is quite lucrative.
11:09We've done all the accepted finals, we've done Ant & Dec Saturday Night Takeaway. Essentially, anything that makes Stephen Mulhern
11:16look more soulful. But it was having Meghan's wedding that changed everything for us.
11:25Caucasian institutions quickly realised what a little praise and worship can do.
11:30Our bank got done for discriminatory lending against the black community, but Birds of Praise came in and sang Lean
11:35On Me, and by Monday, everyone had moved on.
11:37We've also started doing quite gospel.
11:40We need Caucasian songs.
11:42Lawrence!
11:43Uh, come on, this is your culture.
11:44Any song by Coldplay?
11:46No.
11:47Phil Collins?
11:48He's black.
11:51Too-ra-loo-ra, too-ra-loo-ra-ay!
12:00Come on, Ali!
12:01Come on, Ali!
12:02Come on, Ali!
12:03Come on, Ali!
12:04There are very few problems that you can't throw a gospel choir at.
12:09Having Birds of Praise sing amongst hundreds and hundreds of stolen artefacts essentially says,
12:15this is okay.
12:17It's good.
12:19We've done this.
12:20It's good.
12:23And then 2020 came around.
12:27What is this?
12:28The black squares almost finished us off.
12:32Racism ended.
12:34Oh!
12:36Kids!
12:37God.
12:38It was a dark time for everyone.
12:40It was Dua Lipa's year for sure.
12:43Then, Trump came back on the scene.
12:45It'll get better!
12:47He won!
12:49Better!
12:50But the business, racism pro-mux.
12:54And the business has been booming!
12:57Don't rejoice!
13:01Baby, I'm a murder!
13:04Stop!
13:05Oh, what?
13:05Yay!
13:06Whoa.
13:07Sorry.
13:15It was a beautiful day on the island of Sodor.
13:20But Henry was not feeling like himself.
13:23Cheer up, Henry!
13:25Said Thomas.
13:26Sorry, Thomas.
13:27My lovely paint just doesn't feel so shiny today.
13:30Said Henry.
13:31Oh, look.
13:33Here comes the owner of the railway, Sir Topham Hatt.
13:36I wonder if he can cheer Henry up.
13:40Morning, Thomas.
13:42Morning, Henry.
13:43Morning, Fat Controller.
13:47Stop the music.
13:51Sorry, what?
13:53Morning.
13:54No, no, no.
13:54What did you say?
13:55Morning what?
13:56Fat Controller.
13:57It's just a nickname that we've all been using.
14:01You've all been calling me the Fat Controller behind my back.
14:04Don't you like it?
14:05No, obviously I don't like it.
14:06What the hell is wrong with you?
14:08Said the Fat Controller.
14:11Very sweatily and out of breath.
14:13OK.
14:13Here he comes, chiming in.
14:15Here as well, is it Ringo?
14:16I mean, what's wrong with my actual name?
14:18Sir Topham Hatt?
14:19Well, it is a bit of a silly name, but...
14:22Oh, is that a silly name, but Ringo Starr?
14:24Calm down.
14:25Topham.
14:25That's Sir Topham to you.
14:27What did you get knighted for again?
14:29It was services to the food industry.
14:33It makes sense.
14:33Oh, yeah.
14:34Yeah, great, yeah.
14:35Laugh it up.
14:36The guy who runs a train station on his own, by the way,
14:39occasionally likes a treat.
14:41Occasionally?
14:41You know what?
14:42Perhaps you shouldn't get your breakfast
14:44from the West Cornwall Pasty Company every morning.
14:46Well, actually, I've got a thyroid issue, and I've got a note from my doctor to prove it,
14:50so what do you think of that, eh?
14:52That's a Burger King rapper.
14:56You know, I think Fat Controller is a very nice nickname.
15:00It shows that you're in control.
15:02Exactly.
15:03Yeah, funnily enough, it's not the controller part I've got an issue with.
15:07But did you learn nothing from that respect in the workplace seminar that we all sat through?
15:10We learnt that Gordon wants to be referred to by he, they pronouns.
15:14Aw, good for them.
15:15Yeah, it's good for them, but my point is name-calling is exactly the kind of workplace bullying
15:19that makes people go off the rails.
15:21Hey, that is not right.
15:22What?
15:23We don't really say that sort of thing.
15:25Off the rails.
15:27It's anti-train language.
15:29Peace and love.
15:30Peace and love.
15:31Yeah, peace and love.
15:32Okay, yeah.
15:32I've written peace and love right here for you, Ringo.
15:34How about that?
15:34Peace and love.
15:36Oh.
15:37Fat controller.
15:38No, I didn't.
15:38Oh.
15:39Well, that's going to end up in the village newsletter.
15:43You know what?
15:44I don't even know why I bother with this.
15:46Yeah, here's me coming in with a tin of paint to give you a fresh lick.
15:48Make you feel good about yourself.
15:49Because I heard you weren't feeling great, right?
15:51And what do I get?
15:52A knife in the back!
15:53You know, excuse me for caring.
15:54I guess that's my problem.
15:55I care too much.
15:56I don't think that's your main problem.
15:58Great, thank you.
15:58So, Toppen, maybe if you walked more and stopped riding us to get around all the time,
16:02you wouldn't be overweight.
16:03Right, that's me gone.
16:04If I don't come in somewhere, I've Toppened myself, all right?
16:07Good riddance.
16:08The Fat Controller waddled off obesely in a big fat hoof.
16:14For the record, by the way, steam trains are a thing of the past, all right?
16:18You're nothing more than a hobby for weird kids and pedos, so enjoy that, all right?
16:22I'm not going to stick around here just to be laughed at, okay?
16:25Whoa!
16:30We are sorry to announce that your 3.30 train to Sodor Town Centre is delayed due to what appears
16:36to be a very, very fat man wearing a top hat stuck on the track.
16:42Hello, girlfriend.
16:44Hello.
16:45Hello, girlfriend.
17:15I'm Louis Theroux.
17:18A bespectacled documentarian who makes documentaries about difficult subjects like cults, prisons and Ann Widdicombe.
17:26I've had tapas with the Tiger King and done karaoke with the KKK.
17:31Everything a boy could dream of.
17:34But there's always been one person I've wanted to interview.
17:37And of all the places I was to meet him, in a travel lodge in Bromsgrove.
17:41This is looking through the mirror.
17:53Hi, Louis. Firstly, can I call you Louis?
17:57You can call me Louis. Yeah, yeah.
17:59Is that all right, Louis? Can I call you Louis?
18:01Louis, how are you? Are you finding this awkward?
18:05I'm good. Yeah, yeah. This isn't about me. How are you? Are you all right? Is that fair to say?
18:11I'm good. I'm good. But this isn't about me. This is about you, Louis Theroux.
18:15Should we get started? Yeah, that's right. Should we get started?
18:20Louis and I seem to be bonding.
18:21I wanted to make sure I wasn't getting the wrong impression. So I decided to ask more.
18:28So, Louis, you always seem to be... look at other weird people and not at your weird self.
18:33Does that get old? Do you think I'm getting old? Can I say that? Is that fair to say?
18:40This is starting to feel like a bit of a weird weekend. Is that fair to say? Should we get
18:44started?
18:44I'd like to. Should we get started?
18:47I thought we were going to get started. Have you backtracked already?
18:52I was getting the sense that Louis was getting somewhat tired of my questions.
18:57So, Louis, would you describe yourself as a self-reflective person?
19:02Should I answer that?
19:05Is this a bit awkward now?
19:07Yeah. Yeah.
19:09Should we get started? Yeah.
19:13Even though we were clearly disassociating, I felt hopeful that we were about to get started.
19:18But my eye was caught by the other mirror.
19:21Hi, Louis. It's me.
19:23Louis. Hello, Louis. Should we get started?
19:27Yeah, hi, Louis. Should we get started?
19:29Yes. Should we get started?
19:31Yeah.
19:34It was then I realised there was more to me than just the awkward Louis people see on television.
19:39I contained multitudes of Louis. And they were all awkward.
19:43Awkward.
19:44Really?
19:45So all these, all the parts of Louis Theroux which combine to complete one whole Louis Theroux?
19:50Can I say that?
19:52Are we all individually Louis Theroux but also Louis Theroux?
19:56Really?
19:57Really?
19:57Can I say that?
19:58Can you say that?
19:58Remember when we met those swingers?
20:00Yeah.
20:00Can I say that?
20:02It was in that moment where you had a noise complaint.
20:10Hello.
20:25I'm sorry to, sorry to be a bother but you're actually being quite loud. Is that, is that fair to
20:30say?
20:33Is that fair to say?
20:36Is that fair to say?
20:38Is that fair to say?
20:39Fair to say?
20:40Fair to say.
20:40I learnt a lot on my trips to the travelosh. Over the course of the weekend the Louis and I
20:45swapped many stories and much saliva.
20:48Yes, we had a four way tongue kiss. I was too bashful to ask for reception for water so I
20:54ravaged my way through those tiny UHT milks and I heard all the aids of my thumbs opening the packets.
20:59What?
20:59Is this neat?
21:01Is that right?
21:02Is that fair to say?
21:05Hey Louis, want to try the trouser press?
21:09Should we get started?
21:11Yeah!
21:11Yeah!
21:12Oh, my God!
21:36My name's Ray Tranter. I was a coal miner at Brunthorpe Colliery, Nottinghamshire.
21:44It was quite a normal morning, to be honest with you.
21:47First thing we knew anything was wrong was the smell.
21:51It smelled like sulphur, like death.
21:56Then we heard the screams.
21:58Oh, my God!
22:00So we run round the corner, and that's when we saw it, like.
22:11It became apparent that the miners had broken through a wall on the ground, and had awoken something.
22:21A pentatty.
22:28They were a young lad, Jack, from Long Eaton.
22:32That's grabbed him.
22:35Just pulling his arms off.
22:39They were deployed to throw a perimeter around the mine.
22:42I was a desert star, and I've seen all sorts.
22:44I ain't seen nothing like that.
22:50Good job, was hot and stoppable.
22:54Just kept going.
22:56Blobbing.
22:57Blobbing.
22:58Blobbing, blobbing, blobbing!
23:04We all made a break for it.
23:07Get back to the lift.
23:08But that bastard's followed us all the way out.
23:12And all of a sudden, it just stopped.
23:19It was a complete coincidence.
23:22I happened to be in Gronk that day for a gotcha segment in which we had tricked Roy Keane into
23:32berating a Chinese takeaway owner.
23:35And that's when I heard the commotion, and I ran round the corner, and there he was.
23:47We can't be certain whether it's something in Noel's pheromone or signature that Blobby responds to, or whether there is
23:54a sexual aspect.
23:58Reconnaissance ascertains that there were, in fact, multiple entities concealed in the room.
24:04One thing was clear.
24:06The mines had to be sealed.
24:08Immediately, Mrs. Thatcher ate the pill for all of us.
24:13It killed her what her party did to her beloved miners.
24:22What keeps me up at night, is what happens when Edmunds cops it.
24:30I've seen what one of them can do.
24:33And there's millions of them down there.
24:38What keeps me up at night, is what happens when Edmunds cops it.
24:55Ladies and gentlemen, Holly Humberstone.
25:12So you crashed into the wall, you're cleaning up the broken glass, thinking what the hell was that?
25:20Yeah.
25:22In the movie of your life, you're the first to die.
25:26And the critics call the trash.
25:30They tell you that you feel too much.
25:33You pour you right down to the crush.
25:35It all breaks down.
25:36It always does.
25:37It all works out.
25:38It always does.
25:39And the things they say in the songs you love.
25:42The greatest shits and the deepest comes.
25:44It all breaks down.
25:45It always does.
25:47It all works out.
25:48It always does.
25:49To love somebody.
25:51To hurt somebody.
25:53To lose somebody.
26:04Well, at least you got to love somebody.
26:14You took her right up to the jaw.
26:20She'd go and brush your teeth.
26:22A little powder on your cheeks.
26:24And you feel a little better.
26:27This blue and green ball keeps spinning to the beat.
26:31You got to try and move your feet.
26:33You got to be boxed and clever.
26:36And you feel too much.
26:37You bet it all on a summer crush.
26:39It all breaks down.
26:41It always does.
26:42It all works out.
26:43It always does.
26:44And you wear his T-shirt.
26:45You hate his guts.
26:46You read the hat book.
26:48You take the drugs.
26:49You said from here on out.
26:50But it's tough.
26:51It always was.
26:52It always was.
26:53To love somebody.
26:55To hurt somebody.
26:58To lose somebody.
27:00You used to know you're only humanity.
27:02You need to love somebody.
27:04To hurt somebody.
27:07To lose somebody.
27:09Well, at least you got to love somebody.
27:12Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
27:16Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
27:21They tell you that you feel too much.
27:24You pull it right down to the crush.
27:26It all breaks down.
27:27It always does.
27:28It always works out.
27:29It always does.
27:30And the things they say in the songs you love.
27:33The greatest hits and the deepest comes.
27:35It all breaks down.
27:36It always does.
27:37It all works out.
27:38It always does.
27:40To love somebody.
27:41Tell you somebody
27:43Tell you somebody
27:45If someone will up with you, man, honey
27:49Love somebody
27:50Tell you somebody
27:52Tell you somebody
27:55What is you going to love somebody
28:11Oh, yeah, yeah
29:01Good evening and welcome to Weekend Update. I'm Paddy Young
29:05And I'm Anya Magliano
29:09We start with some breaking news
29:11From the Labour Party
29:12West Streeting has just confirmed
29:14That if there is a leadership contest
29:16He will challenge Keir Starmer
29:18And now we've had reports from inside Westminster
29:21That West Streeting could be right on the verge
29:24Of hitting puberty
29:26More on those balls as they drop
29:30Earlier this week, Keir Starmer, seen here
29:33Hang on, sorry, which one is he?
29:37Thank you
29:37Earlier this week, Starmer met with West Streeting
29:41At number 10
29:42Starmer's allies insisted the meeting was
29:44Just two men having a coffee
29:48Oh my god, they're fucking
29:52Streeting in Starmer's meeting lasted only 16 minutes
29:55A disappointment for Wes
29:57Who'd met with himself before he left the house
30:00In the hope he'd last longer
30:02There's now a real chance
30:03West Streeting might become the Prime Minister
30:06Truly the worm has turned
30:08And I'm not calling Wes a worm
30:10Because I don't respect his policies
30:11I'm calling him a worm
30:13Because he looks like a worm
30:17Members of Reform UK have expressed worries
30:19That Wes Streeting is a friend of Mandelson
30:22Sorry, it's 2026, just say gay
30:27Another potential challenger for the leadership
30:30Is Andy Burnham
30:31Whose key policy difference to Streeting
30:33Is that his hair goes in the other direction
30:37And what about the other parties?
30:39Let's turn now to the Lib Dems
30:41Now let's turn away from the Lib Dems
30:45The former Deputy Prime Minister Angela Rayner
30:48Is also in the mix
30:50And could make history as the first female
30:52Red-headed Prime Minister
30:54Who doesn't understand tax
30:55Sorry, I'm welling up
30:59Thicky Wrangler
31:00And Luton's angriest twink
31:01Tommy Robinson
31:03Led the Unite the Kingdom march
31:05In London today
31:06The Met Police said
31:08They had deployed over 4,000 officers
31:10Luckily, they were going to go anyway
31:18It was actually quite a diverse crowd
31:21There were 20,000 bald men
31:2340,000 XL bullies
31:25And one mini bully
31:28Live facial recognition technology
31:30Was used by the police
31:32For the first time at the protest
31:33It's a huge breakthrough
31:35Proving the technology
31:36Is finally advanced enough
31:38To work on munters
31:39A recent report has found
31:44That progress on gender equality
31:45At the top of Britain's biggest businesses
31:47Remains achingly slow
31:49With still only nine female bosses
31:51In the FTSE 100
31:52Here to comment
31:53Is the woman who can't be ignored
31:59I am the woman who can't be ignored
32:01Time to focus
32:02Don't look away
32:03Focus
32:03Now that's good
32:04That's very good
32:06What was your name again?
32:09Jenny Hasselboe
32:10Ahuga
32:12Jenny, how is it that in 2026
32:13We still have so few female CEOs?
32:16Well, I tell you whose fault it is
32:17The women's
32:19Wait for it
32:20I'm joking
32:22The problem is structural
32:24And I'm coming like a wrecking ball
32:29Do you have any tips for a woman
32:31Going into a job interview
32:32For a higher position?
32:33God, yeah
32:33Now when you arrive at the interview
32:35You say very loudly
32:37I drove here
32:42Now give me this job
32:44Are you in the leadership role yourself?
32:46Of course I am
32:47I slip my way to the top
32:48And by that I mean
32:50I nap and I'm gifted
32:52Dream a little dream of me
32:55And what line of work is that?
32:58Advertising
32:59Remember the slogan
33:00Red Bull gives you wings?
33:02I punched the guy
33:03Who came up with that
33:04Now he was great in bed
33:06But he played me for a fool
33:07He's got three kids
33:08And lives in Teddington now
33:09Of course
33:10Hey, I'm my mama
33:14Jenny, I'm so jealous
33:15Of your confidence
33:16Oh yeah, are you jealous?
33:18Yeah
33:18Well, if you're that jealous
33:21Why not ask me out for a drink?
33:23Why not ask me to be your girlfriend?
33:26Try it
33:26See what I say?
33:27I don't know
33:28It seems a little forward
33:29Well, as I always say
33:30To every person I ever meet
33:32Your loss
33:33She will be loved
33:36Okay, fine
33:37I can't ignore you, Jenny
33:38Want to get a drink sometime?
33:39Ah, yes
33:40Well, let me check
33:41With my husband
33:42I'm married, you bellend
33:45I'm a woman
33:46In a female leadership position
33:47Someone put a ring
33:48On this piece of impressive arse
33:49Youngs ago
33:50Wow
33:51The woman who can't be ignored, everybody
34:02A runner from Wiltshire
34:03Has set up a website
34:05Promoting safe routes
34:06For women running alone
34:07As we know
34:08Running alone
34:09Is one of the most dangerous things
34:10You can do as a woman
34:11Apart from walking alone
34:13Travelling alone
34:13Dining alone
34:14Sleeping alone
34:15Living alone
34:15And living with a partner
34:18The Royal Navy
34:19Is being forced
34:20To redesign a uniform
34:21After complaints
34:22That two of the buttons
34:23Are in the same place
34:24As nipples
34:25The uniform is here
34:27Being worn by Princess Anne
34:28And the buttons
34:29Chart the progression
34:30Downwards of her nipples
34:31Throughout the years
34:34A US member of Congress
34:36Has suggested that
34:37A strange object
34:38Filmed hovering
34:39Over a military base
34:40In the Middle East
34:41Could in fact
34:42Have been an angel
34:44Impossible
34:44I've never been to the Middle East
34:51Now
34:52This week was the centenary
34:53Of the legendary comedian
34:55Eric Morecambe
34:56Yeah
34:57He's a personal hero of mine
34:59And I'd like to take
35:00This opportunity
35:01To deliver this tribute to him
35:04B-b-b-b-b-b-b
35:06B-b-b-b-b
35:07Ha-lu-b-b-b
35:09Share it
35:09Eric Morecambe
35:09H hogy
35:13National treasure
35:15B-b-b-b-b-b-b
35:20B-g-s
35:22B-b-b-b-b
35:23K-pop
35:24B-b-b-b-b-b-b
35:26Jimmy
35:27Eric Morecambe
35:28Has joined the bubble
35:29B-b-b-b
35:30Blub blub blub
35:37Thank you Eric rest in power
35:42Anya
35:45Okay
35:50Tonight that's what that was tonight is the grand final of the Eurovision Song Contest
35:57And the vote is happening live right now here to explain the Eurovision scoring work here to explain how your
36:04vision
36:04I'm still thinking about the boxing and to explain how the Eurovision scoring works. We can now go live to
36:11one of the judges
36:12Hello
36:20Hello from Europe
36:23Sorry, which country are you from?
36:30Yes, exactly
36:32Can you talk us through how the points work?
36:40Yeah, okay, so um, we give out four points for how hot you look in the denim, very nice
36:45And then take away two points if you've done a genocide
36:50Naughty naughty, slap on the wrist
36:52And then we all drink orange wine together and Caesar
36:57Yeah, yeah, yeah sounds clear to me
36:59So did you like the UK entry?
37:07Yes, yes, I hated it very much so
37:10Yes, yes, yes, anyway
37:11I'm off to make sex now with the drummer from Lithuania
37:14Bye
37:15Al Nash is himself, everyone
37:24An Amazon delivery driver caught on a doorbell camera taking a cat from a garden in Yorkshire
37:29Has claimed he did not know it had an owner
37:31But the cat was returned the following day by every who rang the bell once and then booted it over
37:36the wall
37:39A new women's only mental health crisis centre is set to open in Swindon next month
37:44For those of you who don't know, a women's only mental health crisis centre is more commonly referred to as
37:50Oliver Bonas
37:53In Halifax, a strong man has become the first person in the world to pull a car with his penis
37:58while on fire
38:00Although sadly, he lost the biggest battle
38:03Custody of his children
38:06New artworks placed outside a church in Somerset have been described by locals as looking like giant sex toys
38:13I mean, they really do
38:14I have that one at home, the one in the coat
38:19The cost of living crisis looks set to worsen
38:22To discuss some tips and tricks on managing your personal finances
38:25I awadibam boy
38:31Let's get into it
38:33Money tip one
38:34Remember debt is just a number
38:3634,000 pounds
38:38Those are just numbers
38:39HMRC
38:40Those are just letters
38:42That I am not opening
38:44What is it on me?
38:46I think it means you owe HMRC 34 grand
38:49Paddy, when you speak, I get a migraine in my spine
38:53Money tip two
38:55If you have debt
38:56Remember, it's not always your fault
38:58Sorry, whose fault is it?
39:00Lily Allen
39:00So Lily Allen lived as a black woman from the years 2011 to 2014
39:06When she rejoined the white community, UK borrowing costs shut off
39:10Coincidence?
39:11That does sound like a coincidence
39:13Yeah
39:13Paddy, understand that when you talk, my nipples become concave
39:17Please!
39:19Please!
39:20Please!
39:21Money tip three
39:22Find a man with an old money name like Jasper, Richard or Tarquin
39:26That you break into his house and you take all of his things
39:28His tapetries, his faba-jets, his children
39:31And you sell them on Facebook Marketplace
39:33You deserve to have a nice life
39:36I want to, this is terrible advice
39:38Oh yeah?
39:39Let's get a second opinion
39:40From an expert
39:41Martin, where are you?
39:43Oh my god
39:45Oh my god
39:46It's Martin Lewis, Money Saving Expert
39:48I want it
39:50I want it
39:52Your heart is in the right place
39:54But I can't condone this advice
39:58You should not sell children on Facebook Marketplace
40:03Vinted is way more lucrative
40:05I knew it! I knew it!
40:07I wanted my boy and Martin Lewis, Money Saving Expert
40:14Well, for Weekend Update, I'm Paddy Young
40:19And I'm Matthew Magliano, goodnight!
40:22Hi Paddy!
40:42Oh my god
40:46Oh my god
40:47Oh my god
40:51Oh my god
40:53Oh my god
40:54Oh my god
40:54Oh my god
40:54Oh my god
40:55Oh my god
40:55Oh my god
40:56Great to meet you
40:58I'm the new producer
40:59I just want to say
41:00I'm so excited about this new James Bond
41:02I think you've made an excellent casting choice
41:05Yes, Chuty Gattoir is incredible
41:07And I'm just so happy we finally get a black James Bond. It's been a long time coming
41:12And that is exactly what we have here a black James Bond
41:17technically
41:18technically
41:24Sorry, what's this?
41:27You shooty God are the new James Bond
41:30But obviously we want to avoid any backlash around that so we found a loophole in society a loophole
41:36Yes, Cynthia Erivo's character in Wicked taught us that
41:40Audiences are happy to have a black lead in a major blockbuster as long as they're painted green
41:47Like Zoe Saldana's character in Guardians of the Galaxy she was green green exactly, but I'm not just green am
41:55I I'm Shrek
41:56Yes, the most beloved green of them all
42:00I think about what Shrek is he's an outsider that refuses to assimilate steals a royal and marries them
42:08He's basically Meghan Markle
42:10Everyone still loves him. I guess trust me. Yeah, let's give it a go. Shall we all right quiet on
42:17set and
42:18action
42:23Martini shaken not stirred cut
42:26Okay, love that love that love that
42:28Um, my only note is way more Shrek
42:32But I thought I was James Bond. Yes, and no
42:37You're on shooty Gato who's playing Shrek who's playing the new James Bond. It's all very logical. It should be
42:43like
42:44Martini shaken not stirred
42:49Shaken not stirred. No, no. Let's try Martini shaken not stirred
42:55Better out than in I always say
42:59Martini shaken not stirred
43:01But better out than in I always say
43:08Do you care about being the first black Shrek?
43:12Because it doesn't seem like you care
43:15Let's try
43:16What are you doing in my casino?
43:19What are you doing in my casino?
43:22With me here people are in your casino and you're asking them. What are you doing in my casino?
43:27What are you doing in my casino?
43:30You're not getting it because it doesn't make sense to push Shrek in the James Bond world
43:36You're not just putting Shrek in the James Bond world. Bring in M, the end of MI6
43:45I've got a new assignment for you 007
43:48Do you know the Muffin Man?
43:50What the hell is happening here?
43:53We believe he's a puppet for a much larger operation
44:02I'm not a puppet. I'm a real boy
44:05I'm here to take you down Mr Bond
44:07With my Spanish boot
44:10Wearing cats
44:12Meow meow
44:13Por favor
44:14Now we're cooking
44:16Bring in Q, the Gadget Man sidekick
44:24Don't do the voice
44:26Really sorry man
44:27This gadget makes waff
44:29Right? I quit
44:31If this is what it takes to be the first black James Bond
44:34Then I'm out
44:37Shit
44:39Okay, our last option
44:41The only black person that's allowed to fully be themselves in mainstream media
44:48Coming soon
44:49Alison Hammond is James Bond
45:04Once again Holly Humberstone
45:13It's Friday and I'm thinking about you
45:17They say it is if I have a choice
45:20And all the other girls in the bathroom trust you
45:25It's just my voice
45:28I gotta go through the stages
45:32Of exercising your goals
45:36Sometimes the busiest places
45:40Can make you feel so alone, alone, alone, alone
45:45Play a sad song, DJ
45:48I just wanna sway tonight
45:54Since I lost my baby
45:56All I wanna do is cry
46:00Cry
46:02I'll let my tears hit the floor
46:05Time to get real, girl
46:09You're not in his arms anymore
46:11I love DJ
46:13acrylic
46:13I just wanna sway tonight
46:17Tonight
46:18Right
46:19I
46:20Though
46:23Oh hi
46:26It's someday and I'm thinking
46:30About youita
46:33-toning love�is and prison
46:35I was blending all my summers around you
46:41You had to go, now you're nothing more than a stranger
46:47Somebody I used to know
46:51A double act was the greatest
46:55But now I'm dancing alone, alone, alone, alone
47:01Play a sad song, DJ, I just wanna sway tonight
47:09Since I lost you, baby, oh, I want you to let you cry
47:17I'll let my tears hit the floor
47:21Time to get real, girl, you're not in his arms anymore
47:27I just wanna sway tonight
47:31Tonight
47:39It's just white noise
47:41It's just white noise
47:52And all I wanna do is cry
47:56And cry
47:58I let my tears hit the floor
48:02Time to get real, girl
48:06You're not in his arms anymore, DJ
48:10I just wanna sway tonight
48:13Tonight
48:14Tonight
48:15I
48:16I
48:17I
48:21I
48:23I
48:23I
48:23I
48:24I
48:25I
48:26I
48:26I
48:27I
48:28I
48:29I
48:30I
48:33I
48:44I
48:45I
48:48I
48:58I
49:00I
49:02I
49:04I
49:05I
49:07I
49:09Are you sure we should be letting our girls do that Mary the dancing?
49:13Oh, no, not this again. I know you think it's silly, but the car will come off it best
49:19You know that curse is a load of bollocks
49:22Mom come and be in the dance me. Oh, no, you don't want my crispy old disgusting ass in your
49:29top top
49:32Be right there
49:38Come on then move over
49:43Okay, I'm still got it. Oh
49:49My god. Oh god. Oh, Jesus Christ Jesus Christ. No
49:58It's happening isn't it good God
50:03You're gonna have to be really brave for mummy
50:08Mary she deserves to know. Listen girls your mother's us were cursed by a witch evil
50:14She caught us doing pre-marital erotic grinding on boys at the inaugural boomtown festival in 2009
50:20She said if we ever popped our pussies again, we pop them until
50:25Betel bet no we explode
50:33She's already at stage two
50:35She's doing the Sheryl Cole
50:38That's fine for this love
50:41That's fine for this love
50:42Now she's Neil Kimming
50:49And now, now she's George Samsoning
50:53Oh my god
51:06Oh god
51:08Oh god
51:10Oh my God
51:13Oh my god
51:26Oh my God
51:38You know what we have to do all right Sally in the air fryer now
52:08Oh
52:09It hurts your entire bloodline
52:12What's happening?
52:14Just keep looking at me baby
52:15Just keep looking at me
52:17My blood
52:17I can't stop coming in my blood
52:20For the love of God, don't break it down
52:23Oh my God
52:31Milk
52:32Milk
52:33I've got your effing milk
52:36Jesus wept
52:37Mary, Beth, Sally and Sally
52:41They've become
52:42Four celestial orbs
52:45Their final form
52:48Wait
52:49Did they have a gun in their air fryer?
52:54What?
53:10Oh
53:12Biggest thanks
53:14To Harley Humberstone
53:17Amy Lewis
53:18Louie Theroux
53:19Martin Lewis
53:21Money saving expert
53:23And a huge huge thank you to the incredible cast
53:26Right as everyone working on this show
53:28And for making it such a beautiful week
53:30SNL UK will be back for a second series in September
53:34Until then
53:35Good luck!
53:36Thanks!
53:38Oh my God!
53:56Oh my God!
53:57Oh my God!
53:59Oh my God!
54:01Oh my God!
54:02Oh my God!
54:02Oh my God!
54:03Oh my God!
54:03Oh my God!
54:04Oh my God!
54:04Oh my God!
54:04Oh my God!
54:05Oh my God!
54:05Oh my God!
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