00:00Yesterday was the biggest day of the sports calendar for me, because as a loser fan of some horrible teams,
00:05you have to rely on ping pong balls.
00:08And so the Brooklyn Nets were relying on winning the lottery, something they don't do unless they traded the pick
00:13away.
00:13Those are the rules.
00:14And I went into this lottery knowing it's going to end bad.
00:17I was prepared for it.
00:18I said it many times.
00:19Why did you know it was going to end?
00:20Because we're the Nets.
00:21It has nothing to do with the Nets.
00:23Okay, well, we don't have any luck on our side.
00:25But when that logo showed up at 6, the feeling of death just took over my body.
00:33And I don't mean like actual death because I'm still alive, but just death of, wow, they're never going to
00:38win anything.
00:38They had KD and Kyrie, and a pandemic stopped them.
00:43A pandemic stopped them.
00:45Last year, they moved down three spots to eight.
00:50This year, they were awful.
00:52I sat through it.
00:53I embraced it.
00:54And they go in a four-person draft, or at least a draft that were perceived to be just be
00:59in the top four.
01:00They go from three to six.
01:03And I'm not mad at anybody because the rules are the rules, and I understood the tank, and I understood
01:08the risks.
01:09It's more like, what do we have to do to get some luck?
01:13And then it hit me.
01:14I realized what needs to be done.
01:16I need to be the better man.
01:17I brought this all upon me.
01:19This is all my fault.
01:21So, Net fans, all 30 of you, I take the blame.
01:24And you want to know why I take the blame?
01:26Why did you bring this on?
01:27May 15, 2019.
01:29And I can't live it down.
01:31I need to exercise the demons of May 15, 2019.
01:35What happened on May 15, 2019?
01:38On May 15, 2019, you people.
01:40That's right.
01:41Most of the audience, you Knick fans, you were me.
01:44You had the worst record in the league, and you were sitting there in what was perceived to be a
01:48two-man lottery for Zion Williamson or Ja Morant.
01:52Now, forget for a second what Zion has turned into and what Ja has turned into, and obviously what you
01:57have turned into.
01:58Your whole season was about tanking.
02:00Your whole season was about winning the lottery.
02:02And I, like the stupid idiot I am, decided to do a live podcast during the lottery.
02:10I'm just going to play it.
02:11Because the only way to exercise these cursed, jinxed Nets demons is to play it, meet my maker, and apologize.
02:20Okay.
02:20So, ladies and gentlemen, that douchey idiot Evan Roberts on May 15, 2019, doing a live podcast as the lottery
02:29balls are filtering out.
02:30Picking four.
02:31Will be.
02:33Will be.
02:35Please be the L.A. Lakers.
02:38Holy shit.
02:39All right.
02:39So, the Lakers did not win the lottery.
02:41They're four.
02:41Will the Knicks be three?
02:43The next logo will be the Knicks.
02:46Yes!
02:48Yes!
02:49Yes!
02:50Yes!
02:51All right.
02:55I'm sorry, Knicks fans.
02:56I didn't mean to rub that in.
02:58No, no.
02:59I did.
02:59I did mean to rub it in.
03:01But here I am, seven years later, genuinely, bended knee.
03:05I'm sorry.
03:07I'm sorry I did that.
03:08I'm sorry I was so douchey.
03:10I'm sorry I celebrated your pain.
03:13And you got the last laugh.
03:14You're in the Eastern Conference Finals.
03:17It's all worked out for you.
03:18And I feel like I'm still eating the demons of that horrible decision.
03:22So, Knicks fans, every single one of you, bro, I am sorry.
03:27I'm sorry.
03:27I'm sorry.
03:27You
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