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The Cleaner Season 1 Episode 5 [Full Movie] [Recommended]Full EP - Full
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00:07Música
00:42Música
01:02Hi
01:03You from the police?
01:04Yeah, no, sort of
01:05Your mates left about two hours ago
01:07Oh yeah, I always come after them
01:09I've um
01:09Oh my god
01:11What?
01:12Where'd you get that t-shirt? It's so cool
01:14I don't know, I've had it years
01:16Thought it might be from the vintage place in town
01:18But it's proper 80s
01:19Probably is proper 80s
01:20I probably bought it in the proper 80s
01:22Shut up
01:23You shut up
01:24Come on, I'll show you what happened
01:25Hey
01:27Parents have got good taste
01:29That's my car
01:38I know you'll never be mine
01:41But no one could love you
01:42The way I would have loved you
01:45What are you doing?
01:46Oh, no, I was just, er
01:48No, she's good, Nat
01:49Yeah, good as gold, that is
01:50Yep
01:55In here
02:16Well, you've stolen my childhood
02:18Oh, I'm totally obsessed with the 80s stuff
02:21Literally anything made in the 80s
02:23Have you seen Stranger Things?
02:25That wasn't made in the 80s
02:27But you like 80s too?
02:29Yeah, I'm from the 80s
02:31Amazing
02:32Like Back to the Future?
02:34Yes
02:35Roads, where we're going
02:36We don't need roads
02:41You haven't seen it, have you?
02:43No
02:43No
02:45I've got to update me socials
02:46You're cool to do your thing
02:47Put tape up or whatever
02:49Yeah, cool, whatever
02:50Vibe
02:52What?
02:53I don't know
02:54Just felt right to say vibe
02:56Why?
02:59What happened with the...
03:00Oh, man
03:01This dude came round to wire in the arcade machine
03:03And bam
03:04Bam?
03:05Bam!
03:06What's bam?
03:07Just went up
03:07What's a fuse?
03:10They stop people going bam
03:11Thank God I was out
03:12Blood makes me barf
03:17Poor guy though, eh?
03:18I know
03:19It's like so sad
03:20Yeah
03:21I can see you're devastated
03:22Hi guys
03:23So today I'm going to do a vintage haul
03:25I've been sent loads of amazing stuff
03:27Some of it's just old
03:28But this is actual
03:29I'm going to get my stuff
03:30Oh, oh, wait
03:32Before you go
03:34Are you cool if I check something with you?
03:38Is that a tray of onions?
03:58I'm in shock
04:00Something terrible is happening
04:02I don't know what to say
04:04Sorry, I need a moment
04:07I know this is going to worry a few of you
04:09And I'm behind
04:14No
04:15No, I'm not
04:16I can't do this now
04:17But I'll be back in 30 minutes
04:18To tell you how my life has changed
04:22Forever
04:29Well
04:31Jesus Christ
04:32Did it make you want to like and subscribe?
04:34Like and subscribe?
04:35Like and subscribe
04:36I don't know
04:37Please say yeah
04:38I can't
04:39I don't know what it means
04:40Well, say your like and subscribe
04:41I can't say like and subscribe to something that I don't understand
04:44I don't know what like and subscribe is
04:46One button
04:47That's all it is
04:48Just say it
04:48Just say it
04:49Please
04:49For me
04:50Jose is me
04:51What is it?
04:51Like and subscribe
04:52I really need you on my side on this one
04:54How can I agree with you?
04:55I don't know what it means
04:56One button
04:57One button
04:58Please like and subscribe
04:58Like and subscribe
05:04Thanks so much
05:18I can't do this now
05:19But I'll be back in 30 minutes
05:20To tell you how my life has changed
05:23Forever
05:24Do you buy all this stuff then?
05:26Oh, most of it got sent to me
05:28Can I play with some of it?
05:30Sure
05:34I used to be able to do these
05:35What do you mean?
05:37You know, do them, complete them
05:38I didn't know you could do them
05:39I thought you'd just switch to stickers
05:41Well, I can complete them
05:42Are you like Professor Brian Cox?
05:45I'm exactly like Professor Brian Cox
06:06Ta-da!
06:07Fuck off!
06:09You fuck off
06:10This is going to break the internet
06:11I'll DM it you
06:12I think there's probably already videos
06:14Of people doing a Rubik's Cube online, mate
06:16You should upload it
06:17I mean, I can
06:17Because of the big announcement
06:18What socials you on?
06:20Oh, I'm only on Facebook
06:21I don't use that
06:22I keep getting death threats from this woman
06:24You should look her up, actually
06:26It's funny
06:26The tattooed MILF
06:28You should get an instrument TikTok
06:30My niece is always banging on about that
06:32What is TikTok?
06:33What's TikTok?
06:41That's TikTok
06:42Well, I do not like it
06:46I'm not uploading that
06:47I don't like any of this social media stuff
06:49Who wants to know how people are doing?
06:51Chris Marner's got an Audi R8 now
06:53At school, he got suspended for eating the hood off a girl's coat
06:56You wouldn't have to do any of this police business anymore
06:58If you've got enough followers
07:00I'm sorry?
07:01What is your job?
07:02I'm homel on Hosea
07:08Jesus Christ, Grandad
07:09Do you want a computer?
07:11Yeah
07:11My mate Weasel got it for me, though
07:13And the keyboard's confusing
07:14Well, look me up sometime
07:16I will
07:17Do you know your name in Chinese symbols?
07:20Catch you later
07:24Loving the sexy police onesie, by the way
07:45When I just saw you, something stood within me
07:50You're standing salty in the rain
07:55If I could have held you
07:58I would have held you
08:00Rip it up and start again
08:04Rip it up and start again
08:09Rip it up and start again
08:13I hope to God
08:15I hope to God
08:15You're not a sound as you make out
08:18I hope to God
08:20I hope to God
08:22And I hope to God
08:24I'm not a sound as you make out
08:27I hope to God
08:30I hope to God
08:51Oh my God
08:52What the fuck?
08:53Oh, dude, this is bad
08:55What have you done?
08:56I'm sorry, I was thirsty
08:57You drank now?
08:58Those cans are 35 years old
09:00I got them on eBay
09:00Never mind that
09:01You've cleaned up all the blood
09:02Yeah, it's my job
09:04You said you were the police
09:05No, you said I was the police
09:06Well, what are you?
09:07A crime scene cleaner
09:08You're a cleaner?
09:10Crime scene
09:10No, it's just a cleaner
09:11Who are you?
09:12Why didn't you say you were just some cleaner?
09:14Yes, I'm not
09:15Says he's not
09:15Well, he is
09:16I'm not
09:17What?
09:18What are you, dude?
09:18I'm a crime scene cleaner
09:20If you're clean, you're a cleaner
09:21And you've basically ruined my life
09:23Well done, cleaner
09:25Not cool, bro
09:29Cool T-shirt, mate
09:42What did I do, Rob?
09:43You cleaned his content, man
09:45What?
09:46He needed that content
09:47Why do you keep saying content?
09:49He was going to live stream about the dead guy
09:52Content's money, bro
09:53OK
09:53I'm not going to talk to you anymore
09:55There's clearly something wrong
09:58Yo, stay where we are
10:00Yeah, we can't lie
10:01It's some massive fat dude
10:03Cleared it up
10:04OK, I'll come there now
10:07Fat?
10:08Yeah, you look really fat
10:17Mate?
10:20Oi, mate
10:25Can you come down?
10:27Are you going to make me climb up there?
10:30You think I haven't got those skills?
10:32You think I haven't got tree climbing skills?
10:35Alright
10:36Strap in
10:38Yes
10:40Yes, please
10:42Not a problem
10:44There he is
10:46Up he go
10:49Yeah
10:51All good
10:52All good
10:56Still got it
10:57You can never lose it
10:59Woo
11:00This used to be like Disney World for us
11:03Because you're a poor boo-hoo
11:06Look, I don't know what I've done wrong
11:08I was going to do a big stream about the guy getting fried
11:10And now it's like it never happened
11:12People aren't interested in an electrical accident, are they?
11:15I would have filmed Fat Baz down the pub when he blew his thumb off
11:17Why?
11:18Oh, he's trying to hook a crumpet out of a toe stone
11:21No
11:22Why are you still talking to me?
11:24I needed that dead guy and you've cleaned him up
11:26Can't you put it back?
11:28Put what back?
11:29The blood
11:31Oh, the blood, yeah
11:32God, of course
11:33I've got some buckets in the car
11:34We'll go and splash it back on there
11:36You shit me?
11:37Yes, I'm shitting you
11:38Well, congratulations for finding my ruined life
11:41So hilarious
11:41You sad old fuck
11:43Go and mop up somewhere else
11:45Well
11:46I don't even use a mop
11:48Your move
11:50Look, what's the matter, son?
11:52It's over
11:54I know that, really
11:56Home Alone Jose is just another Tom from Myspace
11:59Or the guy that sang Chocolate Rain
12:01Oh, that monkey that banged that frog
12:03So you've heard of the monkey that banged a frog?
12:04The monkey's a legend, mate
12:07That's me now
12:09The monkey that banged a frog
12:13A joke
12:17Blackberry jam
12:20What?
12:21You can make blood with blackberry jam
12:25Come on
12:27Let's get it done
12:29aggiven
12:34Whoo
12:44Keep that, keep that
12:45Butt is strong
12:46Keep that, keep that
12:47Butt is strong
12:48Keep that, keep that
12:49Butt is strong
12:50Keep that, keep that
12:52Butt is strong
12:52That's the way I like it
12:57That's the way I like it
13:01That's the way I like it
13:06That's the way I like it
13:09Where you take me by the hand
13:14And tell me of your loving man
13:22Did you have one in the 80s?
13:23A sort of thingy
13:24No
13:25Mum said they were a waste of money
13:27I'd just been to the shops for her
13:28To buy 40 fags and a bottle of Cinzano
13:29The irony wasn't wasted
13:32Honey
13:35So how do you know how to use it?
13:37They're not that complicated
13:39Hey, when we were kids
13:40If we wanted free stuff
13:41We had to go down the wreck
13:42And do a dance for Dirty Bertie
13:44Can't believe people send it you for nothing
13:46I can't believe you don't know who I am
13:49Well tell me what happened
13:51When I was 16 my parents moved to Italy
13:52I told them I didn't want to go
13:54And they said fine that's up to you
13:55You're old enough to make your own mind up
13:57And they left me in the house
13:58My insta went mental
13:59Lots of jealous little kids
14:00Imagined a perfect life with no rules
14:01Now I'm rich
14:02The end
14:04They left you on your own?
14:05I wanted to stay
14:06Yeah
14:06Kids want to eat ice cream
14:08That's been dropped in shit
14:09They shouldn't be allowed
14:09You got kids?
14:11No
14:11Then what do you know about it?
14:13I used to be one
14:14Oh yeah
14:15In the 80s
14:16Where your parents smoked fags around you
14:17And got drunk on Chinzino
14:19Chinzano
14:19Whatever
14:21They didn't leave us behind though
14:23I don't need them
14:25I'm my own parents
14:28Alright
14:32Shall we?
14:56Well
14:57Splurge it down
14:59Splurge it down?
15:00No
15:00Do you know much about blood spatter?
15:02That was much as you know about Instagram
15:04Then listen carefully
15:05From the scene I can tell you straight away
15:08It wasn't the shock that killed him
15:09It wasn't?
15:10No
15:10It caused him to spasm
15:12Sure
15:13Which meant that he thrashed around here
15:15Eventually
15:16Hitting his head on this cabinet
15:20Ew
15:21The blood on that wall
15:22Was from the head injury
15:23Violent involuntary convulsions
15:25From the shock
15:29Resulting in light to moderate blood spatter
15:31Simple enough to remove from non-porous surfaces
15:34You'd be amazed how much blood comes from a head injury
15:36So that was what killed him?
15:39A third degree abrasion
15:40Oh my sweet child
15:42I very much doubt it
15:43No
15:44He's not done yet
15:45So he's thrashing around at the end of a live wire
15:47Receiving electrical burns at the point of contact
15:50Leading to a bit more of the old
15:52Light to moderate blood spatter
15:53Very good
15:54Yes
15:55Now eventually
15:56He's thrown this one
15:57Where he lands here
15:59On your glass coffee table
16:03So it wasn't the archaea machine that killed him?
16:06Glass severs arteries
16:08What does glass do?
16:10Severs arteries
16:10And arteries are connected to?
16:12Aha
16:12Nature's pump
16:14Pump up the jam
16:16It's a song
16:19It doesn't matter
16:22Can I do it?
16:24I don't know
16:25Can you?
16:30I was just saying
16:31You can have a go
16:32You should have a go at it
16:39What was that?
16:41Not good
16:41Have you any idea
16:43How much blood the heart pumps around the body?
16:45Put some welly into it
16:51Now we're talking
16:53I think you're ready
16:55Sorry
16:56I think you're ready
16:57I think you're ready
17:33E aí, é isso o que ele parece?
17:36Sim, é bem, só um pouco.
17:40O que é isso?
17:44Oh, sim, eu estava...
17:46O que é isso?
18:02O que é isso?
18:04Eu pensei que eu tinha perdido você.
18:12Blimey, é isso que é um Home Alone Hosea?
18:15Um de eles?
18:16Eu tinha que mudar porque alguém me deu um jamb em meu face.
18:20Sim, desculpe, eu tenho que ter tudo isso.
18:23Por que você faz isso?
18:26For fun?
18:28Oh, sim.
18:28Porque squint and jam all over someone is so fun.
18:31Você vai ter a laugh more often than you do, mate.
18:34Eu bet você nunca foi em lá, não, não, não, não?
18:36O que?
18:37Um, quatro ou cinco cans, um pouco de tequilas, eu vou estar em lá.
18:40É para o futebol.
18:41Você e seus amigos nunca se deram em lá quando você é pissed.
18:44Eu não drink.
18:45O que?
18:47Por quê?
18:49Eu acho que eu não sou um total de um, é isso que é isso.
18:52Você tem alguns espaços lá, eu acho que você nunca se deram em seus espaços, não?
18:55Eu tenho um...
18:56Eu tenho um o que?
18:59Eu tenho um follow-up?
19:01Eu tenho um 5 mil, mas esse cara só deixa os seguidores.
19:045 mil?
19:05Eu acho que é um tempo para conseguir 5 mil.
19:07Eu tenho um 4 para eles.
19:09A gente tem um final de um final de um.
19:11Você tem um amigo chamado Weasel?
19:12Sim.
19:13Eu sempre me torno de ele, mas ele nos empurra de uns.
19:16Eu acho que minha vida não é tão ruim.
19:33Eu acho que tem algumas vezes em sua vida
19:37onde ninguém pode se conectar com você
19:39onde você não é online, você sabe o que eu quero dizer?
19:44Over.
19:47É não funcionar!
19:50O problema é que a 23-year-old morre em casa não é muito bom.
19:55E as pessoas estão vendo isso muito.
19:57Sim, eu entendi.
19:59Classe Michael Jackson syndrome.
20:02Eu não sou o Michael Jackson.
20:04Eu não estou falando de verdade, Michael Jackson.
20:07Eu não estou falando de verdade, quando as pessoas começaram a falar,
20:09ah, o meu amigo é um monstro, é um monstro?
20:13As pessoas estão dizendo que eu sou eu, como Tom Cruise.
20:16Então, o que importa?
20:17O que é um monte de coisa estranha que você acha?
20:19Você tem o computador, o trabalho feito?
20:20O que eu vou fazer?
20:22Eu vou fazer um limão?
20:23Eu sou um limão-se-limão-limão.
20:25Eu vou fazer um limão-limão.
20:42Eu tenho um limão-limão.
20:45Eu espero que você tenha pensado,
20:47que é um monte de coisa mais vindo.
20:50E aí, o que você acha?
20:53O que é?
20:54Tchau, tchau, tchau, tchau, tchau, tchau.
21:31Tchau, tchau, tchau.
21:55Tchau, tchau, tchau.
21:57I could rob it with this, but I'll tell you now, without the correct chemical formula, it's just a man
22:02moving jam around the floor.
22:03Please, I'm trying to get into the right headspace.
22:05I've got standards. I don't want other crime scene cleaners saying this.
22:09Two out of the three of them are real gossips.
22:11Not them chatting shit about me on the WhatsApp group, you know what that's like.
22:13Please.
22:17Hey guys and girls, I'm my non-binary friends.
22:20So, yesterday something mad happened.
22:22Y'all know how much I love the 80s, so I figured, what's more 80s than an original 80s cabinet?
22:28Bummer alert.
22:29It wasn't why I probably, like, a fuse had gone or something.
22:32This is when things get freaky.
22:39So, this guy came on to fix it and was, like, super sweet.
22:43But there was, like, a massive problem in the machine and it's, like, totally killed it.
22:48So, the police sent some clean-up guy to, like, clean up and that, but I just wanted my Joseas
22:53to know what's been going on with me.
22:57Oh, my God. Look at what is going on.
23:00My poor little cleaner guy. Isn't he cute?
23:06So, apparently, it wasn't the shock that killed him.
23:08That's why there was so much blood.
23:10That's what you were saying, right?
23:13Uh, yes.
23:15Well, tell, tell the guys what you were saying about, you know, the coffee table and something about the archery.
23:25Well, you can see from the blood on the wall that this was actually the first injury.
23:29The victim would have fallen and hit his head here against this cabinet, causing this blood spatter pattern.
23:38Well, it wasn't the head injury that killed him, was it? That's what you were telling me.
23:41Oh, no, no. This is actually nowhere near as bad as it looks.
23:45You can see that from the blood pattern is actually quite localised from the abrasion.
23:53What is this?
23:59Oh, sticky.
24:01Oh, now, that is interesting.
24:04That's actually the victim's wedding ring.
24:06You see, during electrocution, even the small muscles in the hand, they were tightening, causing it to fall on.
24:12It's intriguing what you find out about victims in this job.
24:15From that, we know he was married.
24:16From a picture I found in his wallet earlier, I can tell you he had three small children.
24:21Shut up! This is not about the dead guy!
24:29Not cool, bro.
24:33Okay. The stuff about the kids was too much. Let's go again!
24:40Please cancel. You're canceled. You're done. You're canceled.
24:44You're done. You are canceled.
24:44We'll rebrand.
24:45You can't rebrand. You're canceled. You can't un-cancel or cancel.
24:48I'm done. This is done. You're done. You're canceling.
24:51And we're done. And I'm out.
24:53Okay? I'm out.
25:16I bought you a cola-flavored soda.
25:19They're not allowed to call it coke for legal reasons.
25:22And because it tastes like piss.
25:27They'll forget.
25:29They'll never forget. It's there forever.
25:33Where?
25:34In the cloud.
25:36Is it?
25:38You've been sending dick pics, Grandad?
25:40No.
25:42Wish I was born in the 80s.
25:45Yeah, it was good. No internet. No phones. Endless summers.
25:50Yeah, all right. I get it.
25:51The Exxon Valdez oil spill.
25:53The Challenger disaster.
25:56The Challenger disaster.
25:56Chernobyl.
25:57Chernobyl.
25:57Yeah.
25:59The 80s are just like now. Really great and really shitty. Don't believe the hype.
26:06Jam everywhere.
26:08Yeah. Funny, isn't it? In many ways, it's hard to get out in blood.
26:15I'm like Lady Macbeth.
26:17I'm like Lady Macbeth.
26:18That damn jam.
26:20You've not seen it, have you?
26:23No.
26:24No.
26:25Of course you haven't.
26:30I'll show you a good way to get jam out.
26:33You're not good at it.
26:34I am.
26:35But you haven't even got jam on you.
26:36No.
26:37I've got no jam on me.
26:37I'm going to jump in a pond just for the sake of it.
26:42Oi.
26:43Put your phone away.
26:44Just do a thing.
26:51Fuck it.
27:09Oh God, it's freezing.
27:15That is actually awful.
27:16What's that spell?
27:18That's fish shit.
27:20And duck shit.
27:21We should have just jumped in the hot tub.
27:24In the what?
27:27Yeah.
27:28Yeah, you're right. This is better.
27:30We're like the real housewives of Atlanta.
27:32I know, right?
27:35You've not seen it, have you?
27:36No.
27:38So what happened next?
27:39After you've jumped in a pond in the 80s?
27:41Oh, my mum would bollock us for getting wet and then feed us watery mince beef.
27:45My life's not so bad, is it?
27:47No.
27:49But maybe leave Hosea at home for a bit.
27:53Come and see some real world stuff, eh?
27:57What is your real name?
28:00Bernard.
28:00Yes, stick with Hosea.
28:08Bernard.
28:10You do know Home Alone was filmed in the 90s, right?
28:13It's not 80s.
28:14It's been pointed out to me.
28:18Now, the 90s.
28:21They were amazing.
28:33Kate, back with a cleaner, some more.
28:37All episodes streaming now on BBC iPlayer.
28:39Actually, there's loads of comedy streaming on iPlayer,
28:42including the award-winning Thamelamp from BBC Three.
28:45Now, talking of award-winning,
28:47Graham Norton has award winners with him tonight after the news.
28:50Billy Porter and Geordie Conner.
28:53Now, these dreams arise.
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