- 2 hours ago
American Dad! - Season 22 Episode 8 - Dude, You're Getting a Del
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00:00...is advised.
00:05After all these years, we finally did it.
00:08The perfect sleepover.
00:10Keep your head still.
00:11R-rated movie? Check.
00:13Video games? Check.
00:15That loose pill we found on the floor of the bus station
00:18that we think might be Percocet? Check.
00:20How are we liking this?
00:23Ugh, I have so many moles on my scalp.
00:28Sounds like bedtime.
00:29I'll go brush my teeth.
00:31Whoa, whoa. We didn't have a sleepover
00:33just to spend time apart.
00:35Let's brush together.
00:38Oh, no. You hear that?
00:41It's glycerine.
00:42That means Klaus has a lady friend in his alcove.
00:46So?
00:46So we have to walk through his alcove to get to the bathroom.
00:50Maybe we should just skip brushing.
00:52It's not. We ate three pounds of Sour Patch Kids.
00:54Go to bed with that crap stuck to your teeth,
00:57you'll wake up with a ticket.
00:58Ticket?
00:59To Cavity Town.
01:01Wow. That was a long walk.
01:03Not as long as this one.
01:04Come on. Stay close and keep your eyes shut.
01:11Oh, my God.
01:12What?
01:15Mom?
01:16Truly!
01:17I never thought in a million years you'd see this.
01:19Why would you think that?
01:21You drove me here.
01:22You dropped me off.
01:24You know this guy or something?
01:25Honey, let me explain.
01:27Where did your shirt go?
01:29I was waiting for the right moment to tell you,
01:32Klaus and I are dating.
01:33Dating with benefits.
01:35The benefits are sex with your mom.
01:40Good morning, USA.
01:43I got a feeling that it's gonna be a wonderful day.
01:47The sun in the sky has a smile on his face.
01:50And he's shining a salute to the American race.
01:56Oh, boy, it's swell to say.
01:59Good morning, USA.
02:04Good morning, USA.
02:09It's Saturday morning.
02:11What do the Smiths have cooking this weekend?
02:13Steve-O, any big plans?
02:15Uh, Snot and I might watch the Kids' Choice Awards.
02:17Boring.
02:17I can tell you what happens.
02:19Jack Black gets slimed.
02:20Francine, you're up.
02:21No way.
02:22I'm not saying nothing till we hear your plans.
02:25My plans?
02:26Yes, Stan.
02:27Your big weekend plans.
02:29What are they?
02:29I, uh, I have an important CIA mission.
02:32Oh, yeah?
02:33What's the mission?
02:34You wanna know my mission?
02:35You're cooked.
02:36You have nothing going on this weekend and she knows it.
02:39Time to face the music.
02:40Excuse me.
02:41Jeff and I have plans.
02:42Oh, thank God.
02:43I'm fulfilling a lifelong dream
02:45and opening a Japanese-style cat cafe.
02:48A what?
02:48It's a cafe but with cats.
02:50You secured a loan, permits, found real estate and built out a full cafe?
02:55That must have taken months.
02:57Years.
02:58Boy, I'm starving.
03:03I probably burned 10,000 calories last night.
03:06That woman is insatiable.
03:08Could you please shut up?
03:10Hey, who's this guy coming into my house and telling me to shut up?
03:13It's Snot.
03:13You've met him like 600 times.
03:16My bad, Snot.
03:16I think I must have a concussion from banging my head against your mom's thighs.
03:24Welcome to Whiskers and Cream.
03:26What's with the cats?
03:27I'll let our head of consumer education handle this one.
03:30It's a cafe but with cats.
03:33I see.
03:34I'll take an espresso.
03:39Actually, just cancel my order.
03:41Jeff, did I overestimate the demand for a Japanese-style cat cafe?
03:45Business will pick up, babe.
03:47Look, someone's coming now.
04:04What do you want, Roger?
04:06Not Roger.
04:07Marmalade.
04:10Here's my application.
04:11Sorry, we're fully staffed.
04:13You call this a staff?
04:15Snowflake?
04:16Zucchini?
04:16Cleo isn't even spayed.
04:18Slut.
04:19I'm a slut, too.
04:20But for customers, I'm a customer slut.
04:22Watch this.
04:26You want me to order something?
04:29Meow.
04:30Hey, waiter.
04:31A large chai tea?
04:32Meow.
04:33And the scone?
04:37Found this.
04:37Thought you'd like it.
04:39You took a big risk opening a cat cafe.
04:42As a cat, I swear I'll work harder than anyone.
04:44Please, give me a chance to prove it to you.
04:49We open at 8.
04:50I'll be here at 7.30.
04:52Hayley, I've had a hiccup.
04:53My car ran out of juice.
04:54It's a first-generation EV, and the range is only eight miles.
04:57I need the day to get this all sorted out.
04:59But while I have you, how do I add 16 dependents to the health plan?
05:03My wife just had another litter.
05:05Oh, my God!
05:06That was incredible!
05:09Look at me, sitting between two boobs like a king.
05:13If only my boys could see me now.
05:15Oh, you have boys?
05:17How did I not know that?
05:19No idea.
05:20I talk about them constantly.
05:21How old are they?
05:22Geez, I don't know.
05:23My Myrtle Beach crew looks 40, but that's just sun damage.
05:26I thought you meant children.
05:27Me have kids?
05:29That's hilarious.
05:30Hard pass.
05:31Well, me and Shmooly are a package deal.
05:34Satisfying my every sexual need isn't enough.
05:37I need someone who can connect with my kid.
05:39And you don't think I can?
05:40I have my doubts.
05:41What?
05:41I mean, I love Shroomer.
05:45Shmooly!
05:45The name's irrelevant.
05:47You want a father figure for snot?
05:48Well, guess what?
05:49You're looking at him, baby.
05:52Let's go, Shmooly.
05:53Your mom says we have to bond.
05:54Wait, you're going?
05:56Steve, I've always wanted a dad.
05:58He might not be my first choice, but my mom likes him.
06:01I'm willing to try.
06:02Shmoove that butt, Shmooly!
06:04Now, the first thing to remember, always shave with the scales.
06:11What I meant to say was always shave against the scales.
06:17Hello, Don Draper.
06:23I thought we were going to the botanical gardens.
06:26I said plants.
06:27Sit next to Big Ed.
06:28He'll teach you the difference between indica and sativa.
06:31No, I won't.
06:32He's joking.
06:32Sit down next to him.
06:38I have an acupuncture appointment.
06:40Be back in a couple hours.
06:42Behave.
06:44Wanna see a pregnant armadillo?
06:48My favorite garbage truck!
06:50The Sidewinder XTR has a 900 cubic foot trash compartment.
06:55It can take load after load.
06:57Oh, you know who that reminds me of.
06:59I'm going home.
07:00Wait, wait, wait.
07:01You didn't hear what I was going to say.
07:03It reminds me of your mom.
07:06Man, parenting is hard.
07:09You said it, little buddy.
07:11Oh, you can talk?
07:13Thanks to these toxic dump fumes, I can do anything you want.
07:18Anything?
07:21Yeah!
07:27I can't connect with Snot.
07:28He's unconnectable.
07:30Not with me.
07:31That's different.
07:31You're his friend.
07:32I need to be his dad, and he hates me.
07:34Well, what have you two done together?
07:36Let's see.
07:37We took Juergen and his girlfriend to plan parenthood.
07:40Snot actually got punched by a pro-lifer.
07:42Uh, what else?
07:43We picked up my dry cleaning.
07:45You're bad at this.
07:46Well, what do you expect?
07:47I never knew my own dad.
07:48Okay, chill out.
07:50I have an idea.
07:51Remember Del?
07:52The guy who used to date Snot's mom?
07:54Goldfish have bad memories.
07:55They moved into Del's townhouse in Chesterbrook.
07:59In honor of the great Snot moving in,
08:02I took the liberty of stocking the fridge with...
08:06Specialty sodas?
08:09Snot was the happiest I've ever seen him.
08:11Until Del caught Mrs. Lonstein cheating.
08:14Oh, no.
08:15With who?
08:16With you!
08:17On an air hockey table!
08:19Right.
08:23Wait.
08:24Why are we remembering this?
08:26Because Snot adored Del.
08:28If you want to connect with Snot, be like him.
08:31Do wholesome stuff together.
08:32Model rockets, kayaking, baseball cards.
08:35You're still thinking about the air hockey table?
08:37No.
08:42Thanks for taking me here.
08:43I used to come all the time.
08:45Tell you what.
08:45Pick out any card in the shop and I'll buy it for you.
08:48No way!
08:50Within reason.
08:51Keep it under ten bucks.
08:52Want to see my collection?
08:53I'm going for all the great Jewish athletes.
08:56I've already got Sandy Koufax, so now I just need the other one.
08:59Hey Dadders!
09:00Who do you think Snot considers the other great Jewish athlete?
09:04Whisper your answer into the side of your television set,
09:07and if you're right, Roger will say your name on air at the end of the episode.
09:13Do my eyes deceive me?
09:15The great Snot in the flesh?
09:18Del?
09:19It's so good to see you.
09:21I was hoping we'd cross paths one day.
09:24Hey Del.
09:24Not sure you remember me.
09:25I'm-
09:26I know who you are.
09:27Wow, Snot.
09:28You look so grown up.
09:30We should catch up properly.
09:31Can I treat you two to ice cream?
09:33I recall Snot's a rocky road man.
09:36We have ice cream at home.
09:37Is it rocky road?
09:38Not sure.
09:39It's so old it's mostly ice crystals at this point.
09:41I think I'd rather go with Del, if that's okay.
09:46I-I guess, but-
09:47To my chariot, Snot!
09:48Tis a mighty Seabring convertible, built by Lord Chrysler himself.
09:55What type of store is this?
09:57I'm late for work and need an extension cord that can reach I-95.
10:02Klaus?
10:03Hey Esther.
10:03Is Snot home?
10:04I thought we could hit the arcade.
10:06That's so sweet, but Snot just left the Six Flags with Del.
10:11Del?
10:11Snot always liked Del, and I see no harm in it.
10:14Don't be insecure.
10:16Insecure of what?
10:17Del?
10:18The guy who puts cheese in his guacamole?
10:20He's from Wisconsin.
10:21That doesn't make it right.
10:23Why are you taking his side?
10:25Okay, you're acting crazy.
10:27Call me when you calm down.
10:28Calm down?
10:30I'll show you calm.
10:36Let's see how perfect Del is.
10:40Ice cream again?
10:42The man can handle lactose.
10:44I'll give him that.
10:45Are you spying on girls?
10:46You're not supposed to do that.
10:48Leave me alone.
10:49I'm spying on Del.
10:49Who's Del?
10:52You a squirrel or something?
10:54Raccoon.
10:55You have any kids?
10:57I'm 16.
10:59Good for you.
11:00Kids are hard, man.
11:02Trust me.
11:03I tried being a dad once.
11:04A couple days ago.
11:06Hey, do you guys sell tequila?
11:08Apply firm downward pressure.
11:11Push through the cut at an even pace.
11:14Whoa, I'm doing it.
11:16You call this a garage?
11:18What are you doing here, Klaus?
11:20What are you doing here, snot?
11:21Del is teaching me how to use a circular saw.
11:24Circular saw?
11:26I got your circular saw right here.
11:29Can I get you a water?
11:30No, but you can get me another bottle of this.
11:34Gotta make that catch.
11:36Uh, I feel uncomfortable.
11:38Shh, shh.
11:39Papa Klaus is here.
11:40Lift me up and I'll teach you how to saw.
11:44Don't look at Del.
11:45It's my job to teach you stuff.
11:47Not his.
11:47Mine.
11:48You should wear safety glasses.
11:49Maybe that's how they do it in Wisconsin.
11:52But around here, we raise men.
11:55Watch and learn, snot.
12:03Do you know why this happened?
12:06You didn't wear safety glasses.
12:08It happened because Del buys cheap splintery wood.
12:11I found the tweezers, but I suggest you go to urgent care.
12:15Urgent care for an eyeball splinter.
12:18Okay, Bill Gates.
12:20Would you at least like a mirror?
12:21It's in my eye.
12:23I can see it.
12:28You're pushing it deeper.
12:29You're not the first, Lonstein, to say that to me.
12:32Blah.
12:33You get back here.
12:36Well, I don't see the splinter anymore.
12:38Ooh.
12:42How do you have to pee again?
12:44You had like one lick of water.
12:47Hayley, hi.
12:48It was a real struggle getting the kittens out the door today.
12:50Daddy's on a work call.
12:52What the hell is going on with you?
12:53I might be a little late to work today.
12:55I still have to drop the kittens off at school.
12:57Cats don't go to school.
12:58Mind you, they hunt for mice on the lacrosse field.
13:01Ah, you won't believe this.
13:02You're not coming in.
13:04No.
13:04Well, yes, but I also forgot to pack the kittens lunch.
13:07Can you just eat the school mice today?
13:09School mice are not gross.
13:11Hayley, see what I'm dealing with?
13:30Breakfast is served.
13:32Why are you in my refrigerator?
13:34Because I'm abducting you.
13:35Don't bother running.
13:37This is a Dr. Slippy's homing dart.
13:39But I didn't do anything wrong.
13:41Exactly.
13:42You never do anything wrong.
13:44You're the perfect father figure in every way.
13:46And Snot will always choose you over me.
13:48And eventually, so will his mom.
13:51That's what you were worried about?
13:53Me and Esther getting back together?
13:54I moved on, Klaus.
13:56I don't believe you.
13:58Now, before you say goodnight, I have just one question.
14:02This sliding egg tray, did it come with the refrigerator?
14:05Or was it an aftermarket purchase?
14:08Aftermarket.
14:10Wrong answer.
14:16Where are we going?
14:18Lanston Canyon.
14:19I'm going to tie a brick to the gas pedal and send you right over the edge.
14:23Then I'll probably take a guided donkey tour to the bottom.
14:26The perfect crime.
14:29We're gonna stay!
14:30Stay calm, just turn into the skid and gently apply the brakes.
14:37See here?
14:38There's a nail in the sidewall.
14:40If it was on the tread, I'd show you how to patch it, but you need a whole new tire.
14:44It's getting dark, though.
14:45I suggest we set up camp.
14:46Camp?
14:47Like camping?
14:49Where are your emergency supplies?
14:51A box of Hustler magazines and a ukulele.
14:54There should be some edible condoms in there, too.
15:02It's work.
15:03Unbelievable.
15:04Do you realize how inappropriate this is, calling me at home during family movie night?
15:08Are you coming into work tomorrow?
15:10No, don't pause it.
15:11By the way, when am I getting my paycheck?
15:13Direct deposit is a nightmare.
15:15You haven't earned any money!
15:16Nothing I do will ever be good enough for you!
15:18You're a tyrant and karma will get you!
15:20I just wanna know if you're coming in or not.
15:23I need to lay all my cards on the table.
15:26I wanna be a partner.
15:27I think I've earned it.
15:28I also want the cafe to be renamed Big Marmalade's Caffeine Throwdown.
15:32You never even clocked in!
15:33I forgot where it is!
15:34I was only there once and I was drunk!
15:36You're fired.
15:37Can you even fire a partner?
15:39Or is that something we should let the courts decide?
15:43These are all I could carry.
15:44Those are perfect, buddy!
15:46Let's arrange them over the paper.
15:48Like this.
15:49After the twigs catch fire, we'll add sticks.
15:51And eventually, logs.
15:56It must be your skin.
15:58I'm sinking in.
16:00It must be for real.
16:03Cause now I can feel.
16:05You can play glycerine on that?
16:08Sure.
16:08Wanna learn?
16:11Let me see your fin.
16:12This is a C chord.
16:15Woah!
16:16I'm doing it!
16:19That's the Andromeda galaxy.
16:21The farthest thing visible by the naked eye.
16:24It's so far, the light we see took over two million years to reach us.
16:29I see the Big Dipper.
16:31You've said that.
16:33I just realized something.
16:34This is actually my first camping trip.
16:37What?
16:38Your father never took you?
16:39No.
16:40He choked to death when I was young.
16:42He tried on a turtleneck that was way too tight at the gap.
16:46Or as we called it...
16:48Das Kopp-Hopp-Schartenstein!
16:52It's okay to cry.
16:54Let it out.
16:56Let it out.
17:05Oh, Del.
17:06Sweet Del.
17:08I was wrong all along.
17:10I don't want you to be dead.
17:12I want you to be...
17:14Dad.
17:20Well, this is your stop.
17:22Sorry about the whole abduction thing.
17:24Water under the bridge.
17:26You take care of yourself now, slugger.
17:28Hey, Dad.
17:29I mean, Del.
17:30Do you think we could catch a ball game tomorrow?
17:33The laser rats are in town.
17:35Sorry.
17:35I have plans with snot.
17:39Snot.
17:43And is it true, Marmalade?
17:45Your car only gets eight miles range on a full charge,
17:49and as a result, you suffer from severe range anxiety?
17:53Meow.
17:54No.
17:55Now, we don't drive many electric vehicles down where I'm from,
17:59so pardon my ignorance,
18:01but eight miles sure sounds low.
18:04That must be hard on you.
18:06Me.
18:07Ow.
18:10This is ridiculous.
18:11That's it, young lady.
18:13I hold you in contempt.
18:14Bailiff, remove her from the courtroom.
18:16I hereby award ownership of the cafe to Marmalade the Cat.
18:21Don't do this.
18:22The Cat Cafe was my dream.
18:25He never even showed up.
18:26He's not even a cat.
18:31Morning, Esther.
18:32Snot and I have a tea time for miniature golf.
18:35Really?
18:35That's strange.
18:36Klaus and Snot left a little while ago.
18:38They're going to Lanston Canyon.
18:39Lanston Canyon.
18:42Del, what's wrong?
18:44The hair's on your goatee.
18:45They're standing straight up.
18:47It's my paternal instinct.
18:49Snot is in trouble.
18:52No.
18:53Your mom is a great woman, Snot.
18:56But I don't need a great woman.
18:58I need a dad.
18:59Look at me.
19:00Sending an innocent kid off a cliff.
19:03I need a dad way more than you.
19:07Sayonara, Snotter.
19:11Don't do it, Klaus.
19:12You can't stop me, Dad.
19:13Dad?
19:14Let him go.
19:15And what?
19:16Go back to being Snot's father figure?
19:18No way.
19:19I stink at it.
19:21Yeah, that ship has sailed.
19:22Okay, well that doesn't change the fact that I never had a father.
19:25I choose Del as my dad, and Snot's the only thing standing in my way.
19:30I have an idea.
19:31You let Snot go, and I'll take both of you out to Denny's.
19:35Both of us?
19:36Hmm.
19:37So, Snot and I would essentially be brothers.
19:41I have a better idea.
19:43Let my son go or I'll gut you like a fish.
19:45Your call, Sport.
19:46Death by angry mom, or pancakes.
19:53Sport uses pancakes!
19:56I hope there are no hard feelings, Snot.
19:58I know I was a terrible dad, but I'll be a great brother.
20:03What do you say?
20:04I say, enjoy your trip.
20:06My trip?
20:07Where am I going?
20:08Ha!
20:09You got me, bro!
20:22Dadders!
20:23The winner of our great Jewish athlete contest is...
20:28Kevin Hart.
20:29Wait, Kevin Hart?
20:31That's right.
20:32Comedian Kevin Hart correctly guessed Julian Edelman.
20:37This cat cafe was a great idea.
20:43When Hayley gets out of jail, we gotta bring her.
20:45Oh, wow.
20:46Looks like Esther and Del are back together.
20:48Yeah, isn't it great?
20:49Snot finally has a normal family.
20:52Mwah!
20:53I miss banging mom.
20:56Bye!
20:57Have a great time!
20:58Bye!
20:58Bye!
20:58Be helpful
20:59See you later!
21:00Bye.
21:00Bye!
21:01Bye!
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