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South Park - Season 27 - Episode 06: Twisted Christian
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00:08I'm going down to south, I'm gonna have myself time
00:12Friendly faces everywhere, humble folks without temptation
00:15Going down to south, I'm gonna leave my woes behind
00:18And we're parking day or night, people spouting howdy neighbors
00:22Heading on up south, I'm gonna see if I can't unwind
00:28Come on down to south by there and meet some friends of mine
00:39Hey fellas, fellas
00:42You wanna know what time I woke up this morning?
00:44What time?
00:45Around 6-7
00:466-7
00:48Oh hey Annie, ladies
00:50Did you guys do your homework last night?
00:52I tried to
00:53But I got stuck on problem 6 and 7
00:566-7
00:59Hey Eric
01:00I know, Butters, I know
01:01Don't do it to me, it's too funny
01:02But I just did a 6-7 with Annie and Megan at the same time
01:06Yeah, five minutes ago I snuck up on Wendy and totally 6-7'd her from behind
01:09Wow
01:09Hey Scott, how's your diabetes, man?
01:12My diabetes?
01:13Yeah, what's your A1C at?
01:156-7
01:186-7
01:19Oh my god, so fucking funny
01:26Alright everyone, listen up
01:27I've gotten a lot of reports of disruptions in the classroom
01:30And some satanic numerology shit going on
01:33So I want to remind you, this is a power Christian school
01:36And I am a power Christian principal
01:38And we will be PC
01:39So now I want you to hear from someone
01:41Who is the highest authority on biblical prophecies
01:44This person is an absolute expert on the end of days
01:47And the coming of the Antichrist
01:49Please welcome, Mr. Peter Thiel
01:54Peter Thiel knows about the Antichrist
01:57Peter Thiel knows about the Antichrist
02:00I'm Peter Thiel and I know about the Antichrist
02:05Let's learn about the Antichrist today
02:08Hello kids, I'm Peter Thiel and I'm here to talk to you about the Antichrist
02:14Okay, so first, what is the Antichrist?
02:17The Antichrist is a new or more human form of Satan that will soon walk the earth
02:20We don't know how soon it will walk the earth
02:21But it could be within the next 6-7 weeks
02:24Satan!
02:28Okay
02:29You see, Satan was a fallen angel
02:31And God punished him
02:32And to make sure Satan could never have offspring
02:35The Lord God did shrink Satan's asshole
02:38To the size of a tiny little pinhole
02:41So nothing could ever penetrate and ejaculate inside of it
02:45So, Satan could never have a butt baby
02:47Until along came Mr. Donald Trump
02:50Whose penis is so teeny, teeny, tiny
02:53It could actually fit in Satan's asshole
02:56How small is Donald Trump's penis?
02:58Somewhere between 6 and 7 centimeters
03:016 and 7 centimeters!
03:04Hey, look, this is very important, people, okay?
03:07The Antichrist is coming
03:08The Bible refers to the eagle
03:10Which refers to America
03:11The fourth sail broken
03:13And hell coming to earth
03:14It's right here in Revelation 6
03:186-7
03:196-7!
03:216-7!
03:216-7!
03:24Good, and breathe in through your nose
03:26And out through your mouth
03:28In 2-3-4
03:30And exhale 2-3-4
03:32Good, let your shoulders soften
03:34Let your jaw relax
03:36Now gentle pressure on the hips
03:37As your partner exhales
03:38Good
03:40This is so boring!
03:42How about you shut up and do your job?
03:44Ah, come on, see?
03:46How about we just go home and fuck?
03:48We haven't had sex in forever!
03:49That's because it's bad for the baby
03:51Yeah, but fuck the baby!
03:53This is stupid!
03:54Did you just say fuck the baby?
03:56Hey, relax, girl
03:58I didn't mean I really fucked the baby!
04:00No, you know what?
04:01You can just go home
04:02I'll finish this myself
04:03You can go home and jack off if you want
04:05Ah, perfect!
04:27Hello, boss!
04:29Ah, shit!
04:30Good news, boss
04:31We just shut down another abortion clinic
04:34Oh, yeah, great!
04:36That's great!
04:36Yes, boss!
04:37You've made all the Christians so happy!
04:40Of course, there is still one more clinic
04:43That will still perform abortions
04:46Right here in town
04:48There is?
04:49Oh, yes!
04:50How unfortunate that some babies
04:52Will not be able to be born
04:55As Christians, we can't allow this to continue
05:00Perhaps you should go speak with this abortion doctor personally
05:04Yeah!
05:06Yeah!
05:10Come in!
05:13PC Principal, do you have a minute?
05:15Sure, Jesus, what do you need?
05:17I'm starting to wonder if I really fit in here
05:20Of course you fit in!
05:21This school has been a cesspool of heathen left-wing little bitches
05:23And only our faith is going to set them right!
05:26Could I ask, exactly, what branch of Christianity are you?
05:32The kind that loves his country and doesn't tolerate any fucking fags
05:34Yeah, see, I really think I don't belong here
05:38Look, I understand it's a tough transition
05:40You know, the Vice Principal here had the same conflict as you
05:43But she's really come around
05:44The Vice Principal? Your wife?
05:46That's right!
05:47Can you send in a strong Christian woman, please?
05:49She was saying this wasn't the place for her anymore
05:51But just this last weekend, she converted to Christianity
05:56You wanted to see me?
05:57Yeah, strong Christian woman
05:59I was just telling Jesus here about our faith
06:00Oh, yes, it's been such a blessing
06:02She converted on Saturday
06:04What do you think, huh?
06:05You ever seen a more Christian chick in your fucking life?
06:08Never
06:09Look, I know it's a hard adjustment
06:10But just stick with it
06:12And you're going to fit in here just fine, Jesus
06:29Everything go good at school today, honey?
06:32Yep, yep
06:32School was good
06:33School was pretty good
06:36Is everything okay, honey?
06:38Yeah, everything's fine
06:39It's fine
06:41Mom, can I ask you something?
06:43Sure, Eric
06:44Do you know, um
06:45Do you know, on average
06:47At what age kids lose their baby teeth?
06:50Oh, I'm not sure, Eric
06:51I guess usually around six, seven
06:58Eric, what?
07:00No, nothing
07:00Nothing, I'm sorry
07:01I'm sorry
07:02I was just, uh
07:03I was just, um
07:05I was just thinking about your menstrual cycle
07:08My menstrual cycle?
07:09Yeah, I was just wondering
07:11When you actually menstruate, ma'am
07:13Um, like roughly
07:14How many days does that last?
07:17Well, Eric, it's usually around six to seven days
07:19That a woman
07:36Eric, sweetie
07:40Eric, what is going on?
07:43This keeps happening
07:44Mom, mom
07:46You gotta tell me something
07:48Of course, honey
07:49Roughly how many nights?
07:51Have I been throwing up a dinner?
07:53I don't know, Eric
07:54It's probably been six or seven nights
08:08Hey, Jesus
08:09Get your stuff, man
08:10We're going out for drinks
08:11What?
08:12Look, I know it's been hard for you
08:13Trying to adjust here and everything
08:14So the wife and I were talking
08:16And we found a nice Christian lady
08:17We're gonna set you up with
08:19Oh, I don't think so
08:20Thanks, but
08:21Oh, come on, man
08:22She's a really great woman
08:23And she just converted to Christianity
08:24My wife met her at the same place
08:26That she became Christian
08:29So then I was like
08:30You know what?
08:31I need a new direction in my life
08:33It's like I just got so sick
08:34Of everyone being such a pussy
08:35All the time
08:36And all this woke garbage
08:38And women trying to be men
08:39So I just started reading the Bible
08:40You know
08:41I mean, I didn't actually read the Bible
08:43But I listened to a lot of podcasts
08:44And once I went through my transition
08:46I was like
08:46This is great
08:47Only now guys are always
08:48Checking out my Christianity
08:51Sorry, could you all excuse me
08:52I need to go to the bathroom
08:54Sure thing, Jesus
08:58He seems nice
09:24Miss Davidson?
09:27Miss Coco Slutty Davidson?
09:32Oh yeah, that's me
09:33I'm Coco Slutty Davidson
09:35And just here to get an abortion
09:40The doctor's right in here
09:42Ma'am
09:44Hey, Doc
09:52All right, listen
09:53I need you to perform an abortion
09:54But it's not for me
09:55It's for my partner
09:56And you can't tell anyone
09:58Not even my partner
10:00How am I supposed to do that?
10:01Well, you're gonna come with me, see
10:03And we're gonna sneak into my house
10:04And you're gonna suck that thing out
10:05While everyone's asleep
10:07Your house wouldn't happen to be white, would it?
10:10Hey, how do you know that?
10:11Look, Mr. President
10:12I've seen the news
10:13If you got Satan pregnant
10:14That's your responsibility
10:15Well, it's your responsibility now
10:18Or else I'll sue you
10:19How about that?
10:20Even if I wanted to help you, sir
10:21I have no idea how to perform an abortion
10:23On the offspring of Satan
10:25To do that
10:26You need some kind of
10:27Expert on the Antichrist
10:30Peter Thiel knows about the Antichrist
10:45All right, listen
10:46You people have a very serious problem here
10:48Your students appear to be in some kind of cult
10:50Involving the numbers six and seven
10:52All right, so what should we do?
10:54I'm going to need access to all your school's private data
10:57School records, health records, and of course
10:59All security cameras
11:00Oh, no
11:02Look, I don't think we need to
11:03Is this really what we've come to?
11:06Freely handing people's personal data over to some tech billionaire
11:08Preaching shit about the Bible?
11:12You got a problem with Jesus, bro?
11:15Come on, man
11:15You became a Christian like three months ago
11:18Yeah, I've got fucking faith, dude
11:20What do you have, you little bitch?
11:21You want to throw down, bro?
11:23Uh, okay
11:23Hey, hey, hey, hey
11:24You want to see what it feels like to talk shit about Christians, dude?
11:28Kick your heath ass, bro!
11:42I just try to be still, Eric
11:45Doctor, could I ask a question?
11:47Of course
11:48About how long?
11:50Do you need me to be still?
11:52Just about ten seconds, Eric
11:53Okay
11:57So how long now?
11:58Just another six, seven seconds, Eric
12:08I'm sorry, Mrs. Cartman, but we can't pinpoint the source of his illness
12:14If he continues to vomit this much daily, I'm afraid it could be life-threatening
12:19But, Doctor, if I'm not able to keep any food down, roughly how long would it take
12:26Roughly how long would it take for the human body to die?
12:29Eric, I'm going to be very honest with you
12:31Without sufficient nutrients, the body shuts down after six to seven weeks
12:44Excuse me, that's my computer
12:46Yes, and your computer has all the personal data of the students here
12:49It's okay, Jesus, Peter Thiel knows what he's doing
12:52I've downloaded all the students' information and loaded them into an AI face detection program
12:56So the school's security cameras can watch their every move
12:59Now look
13:01Two students passing each other in the hallway
13:03They give each other the sign
13:04Six, seven
13:06Exactly 67 seconds later
13:08This odd parka-wearing child makes the same gesture
13:11And then
13:12Inside the girls' bathroom
13:14Two girls doing the same thing
13:16Wait, why is there a camera inside the girls' bathroom?
13:20To stop the Antichrist
13:22Now I'm following the lead on this girl here
13:24She went home to 67 Mala Vista Drive
13:28Going through her family's medical records
13:30I found that her father has testicular cancer
13:32And 67 days ago had one testicle removed
13:36That really feels like none of our business
13:39I don't know how I'm supposed to work with nosy Nancy peering over my shoulder all the time
13:43Jesus, let's you and me have a quick chain wiggle out in the hall
13:54I'm getting close
13:55I almost have the key to stop it from happening
14:00We are running out of time, Mr. Tier
14:03The Antichrist is coming
14:06Satan is shopping for baby strollers as we speak
14:10If I'm going to learn what these numbers mean
14:12I'm going to need access to every government database
14:15You will have it, Mr. Tier
14:18Nothing is more important than making sure this baby is not born
14:30Look, man
14:31I know it's tough
14:32But you gotta understand that drastic times call for drastic measures
14:37I just don't feel good about treating people this way
14:41I think the most important thing still has to be loving and respecting each other
14:48All right, man
14:49I need to ask you something
14:50And I need you to tell me the truth
14:52Are you a fag?
14:54No, that has nothing to do with it
14:55It just
14:56Are you fucking sure?
14:57I'm just trying to say that I'm really confused right now
14:59Okay, but confused like you don't know if you're attracted to dudes or like what?
15:03Like how we can just change everything about who we are
15:07I think you still just don't understand what Christians today are about
15:11Come on
15:12There's someone I think you should talk to
15:16Oh, yes, the Antichrist
15:18I've listened to a lot of podcasts about that
15:20Everyone keeps saying how the Antichrist is coming
15:23But I'm like, he already did
15:25I was married to him in 2018
15:27But seriously, if he saw how Christian I was
15:30Now he'd probably shit his pants
15:31Don't be jealous
15:33He's so funny
15:46Hey
15:47Hey, say time
16:01Elab布
16:02Ah, fuck, shit
16:03Oh, sorry, boss. I did not know faith in my sleeping.
16:08Yeah, that's all he ever does anymore.
16:10Poor boss. If you're going to jack off, shall I fetch your comrade?
16:14Hey, I wasn't jacking off.
16:16Sure thing, boss. I'll go get your comrade.
16:25What is taking you so long?
16:27I'm very close to finding the secret of the numbers.
16:29I've narrowed it down to one little boy who seems more possessed than the others.
16:33Then deal with him, and keep it quiet.
16:36Nobody can know that we are working together.
16:39When I become president, I will give you full access to everyone's deter.
16:45I've already spoken with the mother, and I'm on my way now to face the child.
17:01Peter T.
17:03He knows about the Antichrist.
17:05Peter T.
17:06He knows about the Antichrist.
17:08I'm Peter T.
17:09And I know about the Antichrist.
17:13Let's deal with the Antichrist today.
17:16Today!
17:17Is your son home?
17:19Yes, Mr. T.
17:21He's right upstairs.
17:41Eric, I'm Peter Thiel.
17:45I'm here to help our country.
17:48Eric, I came to see you in an Uber, Eric.
17:58Would you like to know how long it took me to get here?
18:03Hang on.
18:05It took around six or seven minutes.
18:08I'm not...
18:13No way!
18:14No way!
18:17You know, they're all just a bunch of libtards anyways.
18:20I know what's up.
18:21I listen to podcasts.
18:22You want to know who I think the Antichrist is?
18:24Granted Thinberg, with his stupid haircut and your dumb bangs.
18:28Someone should yank out whatever the pair is.
18:32I can't.
18:33I just can't.
18:42Everything all right, bud?
18:44No, everything's not all right.
18:45I don't know what I'm doing here.
18:47You're trying to get with the program, bro.
18:50Peggy Rockbottom is a hot Christian girl.
18:52Now stop acting gay.
18:54Look, I don't know what you think Christianity is,
18:56but it has nothing to do with that.
18:59What are you saying?
19:00I'm saying that you and a lot of other people
19:02seem to have a very warped sense of what Christianity is.
19:05Are you questioning my faith?
19:07You want to fucking go?
19:09No, I don't want to fucking go.
19:11You got a problem, bro?
19:12No, I don't have a problem.
19:14You actually have a problem.
19:15You need a way to bully people
19:17and you're using the Bible to do it.
19:21You like that?
19:22Yeah!
19:23You want some more?
19:27I'm not gonna fight you!
19:29Damn right you won't,
19:30because you're a gay little pussy!
19:33Yeah, don't come back!
19:35You're gonna get some more, bitch!
19:39Tell me what it means!
19:43The Lord labored six days,
19:45and on the seventh he rested!
19:47No!
19:49You will tell me the significance!
19:54There's nothing more I can do here.
19:57I have to take him to Washington, D.C.
20:00Washington?
20:01Oh, no, he can't travel now.
20:04He's very sick.
20:05Your son is the key to saving our country, Miss Cartman.
20:09Everything we hold dear could end.
20:12We have to unlock the secrets he holds,
20:14no matter what it takes.
20:24Sister Christian,
20:26Oh, the time has come
20:29And you know that you're the only one
20:34To say
20:37Okay
20:40Where you going
20:42What you looking for
20:45You know those boys don't want to go
20:49No more with you
20:52It's true
21:06We're motoring
21:08Watch our price for flight
21:13And finding Mr. Right
21:39That's fucking God, bruh!
21:41Yes, baby, yes!
21:43You will be alright
21:45Tonight
21:51We'll be right back
21:59We'll be right back
21:59We'll be right back
22:00We'll be right back
22:01We'll be right back
22:01We'll be right back
22:01We'll be right back
22:02We'll be right back
22:02We'll be right back
22:03We'll be right back
22:03We'll be right back
22:03We'll be right back
22:04We'll be right back
22:05We'll be right back
22:05We'll be right back
22:06We'll be right back
22:06We'll be right back
22:07We'll be right back
22:10We'll be right back
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