- 1 day ago
The Trades S03E08 (2026) [Full Movie] [Recommended]Full EP - Full
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:09How's it going?
00:12Imperial Valley, let's go!
00:17Let's get those rigs tied.
00:19Vapes sealed, lips creased.
00:21I want all you beautiful bastards lubed up and ready to float for $1,400.
00:28Attention everybody, the Dew Bar is here for all your float thieves.
00:33Liquors, SPF 25 to 50, Pepco, Beef Jerky, Amodium if things go south,
00:40Gravel if things go north, you name it, Deuster's got it.
00:43The Proligo Son of Conch is here!
00:48The men, the men, the men.
00:51What can I get you?
00:52Oh no, no, no, today I'm the DF, the designated floater.
00:55You know, boys, this will be the first float down I've done sober, not shit-faced.
00:58I might even remember this one!
01:00It's your lucky day, I have a fresh batch of my home-brewed non-alcoholic beer.
01:04Oh, that's lame.
01:06Listen up!
01:10I am not your mom!
01:12I'm off the clock!
01:13So if you find your drunk ass face down in a lily pad somewhere, that's between you and God!
01:20Safety third, butchers!
01:22Woo!
01:23Toddler, you're looking too sober!
01:25You got a little head stir.
01:26Mm-hmm.
01:27Where the fuck is Backwoods?
01:30Where the fuck is Backwoods?
01:39Oh, shit.
01:39Oh, fuck!
01:40It's Taser's kit.
01:41You guys touching junk down there?
01:43Hi, Sherry-Ann.
01:44No, we're just, um, we're looking for coins in the grass.
01:47Pretty sure that's not where coins go.
01:50Meat's on the move!
01:51Heads up!
01:51Meat is on the move!
01:53Yes, sir!
01:56Don't be a dirtbag!
01:57Use the tongs!
01:58They fell in the water, my dude!
02:01Those things are crawling in duck shit!
02:03Coming in!
02:04God, I love getting banged up in the water!
02:06It's that time!
02:06Let's go!
02:07No, no, no, no, no, no!
02:09Here we go!
02:09Here's one for lunch!
02:11Tase, my boy.
02:12It's a fucking masterpiece.
02:13Hands down, the first and the best four-man microbrew float to ever float this river.
02:18What's a frigate, man?
02:20It's a beer boat, bud.
02:21It's a bit weird that Backwoods didn't even text me back.
02:24Yeah, that is really weird.
02:26Maybe he's dead.
02:29Jesus, that's where your mind goes first?
02:31Maybe he slept in.
02:32I don't know.
02:33Maybe it's a car crash or like a boating accident or, I don't know, like a crossbow misfire.
02:37I don't know, Todd.
02:38I'm brainstorming.
02:39I'm quite drunk.
02:41Stay hydrated, amigo.
02:43Crossbow?
02:47I saw them making out near the canoes when I walked up.
02:49Don't shit in your own nest.
02:51I don't see what we're lying for them is giving me fucking hives.
02:53Party time!
02:54Let's go!
02:55What the fuck's that, Leonard?
02:56There's an art to brewing non-alcoholic beer that most laymen can't master.
02:59Lucky laymen.
03:00Knowing the precise moment to stop the fermentation process, just short of flavor?
03:05It's like skanky kombucha.
03:07With a hint of ass.
03:08Leonard!
03:09Let's go!
03:10All right, all right, all right.
03:11Put your nose in, Chuck.
03:12It's disgusting.
03:13I've got all afternoon.
03:13Things heavy, though.
03:14You gonna help me?
03:15No, you got it, you got it.
03:16Maybe it's time you quit spying, kid.
03:17Go build some sandcastles or something and steal some popsicles or whatever.
03:20I'll tell my dad and everyone you're dry humping.
03:23What?
03:23I'll scream it right now.
03:24What's the shit?
03:26Unless you give me some candy.
03:27Oh my god, this fucking kid.
03:29Yeah, but are we getting blackmailed by a child now?
03:31Yeah, the second time this month.
03:32Listen, you little hustler, I don't even know what we have.
03:35Here, I've got Tums, I've got some lint, and I've got a moist ciggy.
03:42I'll take the dart.
03:44Ruthless.
03:45Don't smoke.
03:46Your father's taught you well.
03:48I got a ciggy.
03:50Sucker!
03:50What the fuck are we gonna do?
03:52Well, I'm very flattered that Corn Pulse is thinking of me.
03:55And you're okay with the terms?
03:57Oh, the terms are great.
03:58Frankly, there's no other VP candidate with your kind of experience.
04:02We need to fill the position ASAP.
04:05Are you kidding me?
04:06Oh, she just doesn't stop.
04:08Chelsea, are you still there?
04:10Oh my god!
04:11Chelsea!
04:12Sickle bitch!
04:13Hello?
04:14Chelsea?
04:14Punt your face into the sun.
04:15Sorry, what?
04:17Nothing.
04:17I was talking to a seagull.
04:20I hate them.
04:21Okay, so do I.
04:23Right?
04:24So, your answer is?
04:28I will let you know by the end of the day.
04:31Thanks, Donnie.
04:34Oh, mighty river.
04:35Slow and wide.
04:37We come to you, drunken pride.
04:40And as we float together in a drunken dream, remember, puke ends up downstream.
04:46That's right, bud.
04:47I'm looking at you there.
04:48Let's not have a repeat of last year.
04:50Normally backwards would lead to shotgun star, but apparently you had something better to fucking do today.
04:55So, Taser has kindly stepped in.
05:02Let the weed hit hard, and your vapes not sink.
05:06May nobody drown while trying to, um, float?
05:11Drink!
05:11Ah, fuck it.
05:13Beer's at the ready!
05:14Yeah!
05:14Let's go!
05:16Let's fucking go!
05:18Let's go!
05:19Okay, come on, man.
05:20Let's go!
05:21Roll him up, boy!
05:22Get your ass in the water!
05:23Get up, everyone!
05:25Get the fuck out of the river!
05:28Get up!
05:32Get ready!
05:33Get up!
05:36Hey, Steph!
05:37Where the fuck is Oz?
05:38I haven't seen her since we got here.
05:39It's weird she's not out in the water, no?
05:40Uh, uh, she's, uh, totally, I, she's, sorry, where the fuck is she?
05:48Sorry, Todd, just pissing.
05:50Can't speak and leak at the same time.
05:52Wow, you guys got it set up already?
05:54Yeah, we don't kid around when it comes to drinking.
05:55Hop and float down.
05:56Hop and float down.
05:58There you go.
05:58Yoinks.
06:00Aw, thanks, Kunky.
06:02You don't talk much, do you?
06:03Yeah, no, but he drinks a lot.
06:06Like, more than us.
06:07Yeah.
06:10Hey!
06:12Hola!
06:13Mind if I park here?
06:14I'm gonna be close to the bar.
06:15Nope, it's wide open.
06:16Your usual.
06:19You don't float?
06:20Well, someone's gotta supervise.
06:22Plus, I know what's in that river.
06:24Rusty lawn chairs and mercury?
06:25Ooh, too soon, Rod, too soon!
06:28Thank you!
06:30Fuck.
06:32She won't leave me alone.
06:33Who's that?
06:34Jen Conk.
06:35She has no boundaries.
06:37You don't need that shit.
06:39She's lucky to have you.
06:41Come on, Homer.
06:42Come on.
06:43Do it.
06:43I said I wouldn't do it anymore, right?
06:45Come on, do it!
06:45Let's see it!
06:46Do it!
06:47All right, all right, all right.
06:48Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch!
06:50Yeah!
06:51How did Maureen ever leave that?
06:54Yeah, how's it going with her?
06:55She take your house yet?
06:56Nah, we're fine.
06:57Not planning on a second or third wife there, Taze.
06:59Working on the fourth, buddy.
07:00Wait, what did he say?
07:01Nah, you wouldn't get it.
07:02Find your beeswax back there.
07:03This current's brutal.
07:05I'm drifted.
07:06It's your float, man.
07:07Look like Jacques Cousteau fucked a filing cabinet.
07:09Yeah, some of us didn't get the nod this year to join the boyfriend's barn.
07:12Whoa, hey, take it easy.
07:13It's your loss.
07:14I float solo.
07:15A lone wolf.
07:16You're not going to float at all in that piece of shit, dude.
07:18Never mind.
07:20I gotta go throw a quick wizard in the bushes.
07:22That's where you are.
07:22You're in a river, for God's sake.
07:23You just have to drink this water.
07:25It's disrespectful.
07:28A toast to you, my colleague.
07:30Commendable job navigating sobriety.
07:32Delish.
07:33You know, it's got the mouthfeel of actual beer.
07:36Good memories.
07:37Your approval means the world to me.
07:38You know, a lot of this N.A. stuff tastes like hospice.
07:41But you, Leonard, are lord of the lager.
07:44Funny you say that.
07:45Just thinking of trying to celebrate online.
07:47I'm in.
07:47I'll be your silent partner.
07:48We'll be booze barons.
07:49Like, I'll be George Clooney and you can be...
07:52The other guy.
07:53Yes.
07:54You will be the other guy.
07:57Top-up time.
07:58Oh.
08:00Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha.
08:02I could float away forever.
08:04Nobody would know what to do.
08:05He would miss me.
08:09Ow!
08:10My leg!
08:11Oh, four locks!
08:16I'm stuck.
08:21Help!
08:22Anyone!
08:24Homer!
08:26Taser!
08:29Step-mommy!
08:31You know, you guys could be a little nicer to him.
08:34Do we?
08:35He knows we're just giving him the gears.
08:36He likes it, man.
08:38All I'm saying is that he's been around a lot longer than I have.
08:41And you let me on the barge.
08:43I mean, it feels a little...
08:44I don't know.
08:46A little...
08:47Clicky?
08:48Is that another word for bullying?
08:49Are we the mean girls of conk?
08:51Wicked!
08:52I'll be Lohan!
08:53When a few of the other apprentices asked to join the float,
08:56you guys literally said,
08:57are they float material?
08:58Okay, no, no, no, no, no.
08:59We have standards, okay?
09:00This isn't a soup pot, it's a stew.
09:02You either bring the spice or you get skimmed off.
09:04It's not personal.
09:05We're selective.
09:05This isn't intramural soccer.
09:07Not everyone gets to play.
09:08Totally, man.
09:10Oh my fucking God, who am I?
09:12You're Homer.
09:13Fuck, where's Dewey?
09:15He's my shooter girl.
09:16Taser's thirsty.
09:17Come on, float down!
09:18Yeah!
09:20Let's go!
09:23Let the river take us!
09:27Yeah!
09:27Stop jerking!
09:28Woo-hoo!
09:30Yeah!
09:31Keep going, people!
09:32Let the river take us!
09:34Woo-hoo!
09:36Woo-hoo!
09:36Woo-hoo!
09:37Woo-hoo!
09:38Woo-hoo!
09:39Woo-hoo!
09:39Woo-hoo!
09:40You got a light?
09:40uh help me what's in it for me yeah are you smoking don't make me parent you in front of
09:49everyone i saw backwards and audrey making out under the canoes they were using their tongues
09:57this is after i paid her off oh hey guys hey i was just peeing me too yeah urinating just
10:05uh
10:05separately peeing what in the fuck my fuck yeah i hate to break it to you totter but uh
10:12backwards and your sister have been banging what shut up homer you rat a lot for how long
10:17long time you're a total idiot yeah who knew about this i did me we did i think pretty much
10:24everybody we all did yeah they all knew who didn't uh over here bud well that checks out totally so
10:30you all lied right to my face what kind of people are you the whole crew's been taking bets on
10:34it
10:34you're the underdog todd sweetie can i get you a drink actually he probably doesn't need another
10:39one uh-oh red alert red alert yes betrayal that's what this is an absolute fucking betrayal you two
10:46stay right where you are i can chill okay now todd i have a little drink oh hey look at
10:51some weed
10:52out of my way well i think we missed our chance to tell them ourselves maybe we should just tell
10:57them now i'm ready backwards he fucking knows i know he knows i'm fucking running
11:03okay okay okay okay i'm coming for you you slutty piece of rabbit shit he's just coming
11:07through you broke the bro code bro
11:14what are you doing uh-oh i just didn't know no with my thumb thumbs what i just said the
11:20entire
11:21ball conquer pick of uh el presidente meddy if i didn't know any better i'd think you were wasted
11:29we're falling behind hurry up
11:31roll roll roll roll let's go
11:32we were gonna die you i said yeah but you fucking did did ya
11:35i hope you fucking drowned
11:37i think i broke my big toe
11:38good i'm gonna fucking break the other night
11:40stop right around like a scary bitch out of pussy dick
11:43a lot of words in that insult
11:45Todd i think i love her
11:46what you love me
11:49i thought we were just fucking you love me now jesus
11:52i was gonna say the word fuck it i think i just threw up in my mouth
11:56fuck off
11:57fuck off
11:58honky get the fuck out of the way
11:59you're ruining my butt
12:01steffy fuck off
12:03no no no no no
12:05stop running away
12:06stop running away
12:06you're not
12:07you're not
12:08you're not
12:08battle me over there
12:09no one has to box some knee toadstool
12:11actually i am your goddamn boss
12:12fuck off
12:13jesus
12:14fuck
12:14get back over here
12:16get back over here
12:17get back over here
12:18get over here
12:19you're nuts
12:20look out
12:21best best best of the life
12:22but who they're teeing off with
12:23bud
12:24we were gonna tell you
12:25you're not the easiest guy to talk to
12:26oh shit i'm perfectly easy to fucking talk to
12:29no you're not
12:30that's true bud
12:30we don't do emotions
12:32we do beers
12:33bongs
12:33and that's fucking it
12:34boys
12:34what the fuck
12:35don't we the fuck off
12:37drink it
12:37let me out
12:38come on
12:38it'll be fun
12:39come on
12:42sorry my bad
12:44i'm fucking believable
12:46my face
12:49oh
12:49uh-oh
12:50i think i'm just about to do a no-no
12:53yeah
12:55oh
12:55oh my god
12:57and he's got his ass off
13:00asshole
13:00asshole
13:00oh
13:01oh
13:01i caught my baby
13:02what are you finging
13:03that's my sister
13:04ah
13:05not his face
13:06save yourself
13:07you're fucking stopping
13:08sober bitch
13:09oh
13:10there you go
13:10whoa whoa whoa whoa
13:12whoa whoa whoa
13:13that's a lot of crap
13:22what's up with meddy
13:23son stroke
13:25meddy's down
13:25call the medic
13:26oh shit
13:28hey were you drunk
13:29not even aglow
13:32oh no
13:33what
13:36oh shit
13:37oh god do your words
13:39i don't care
13:39i can't fucking move
13:40that was awesome
13:41that's good
13:42dewey would've liked that one
13:44dewey
13:44where's dewey
13:46dewey
13:47here
13:47looks like we made the right choice
13:48staying on land
13:49no kidding
13:50i'd better go see if they broke anything
13:52hey where are you
13:57well well
13:57there you are
14:00you done
14:01huh
14:02fuck
14:02why is everyone hitting me
14:04stop it
14:04ow
14:04that's for making our drama
14:06everybody else's problem
14:07what the fuck was that about
14:08huh
14:09you two fighting because he likes her
14:10and she likes him
14:11you knew
14:11oh every fucking buddy knows about oddwood
14:14you gotta be a fucking moron not to know
14:15that's nice
14:16so there's even a name for it
14:17your family
14:18family doesn't handle shit like this
14:20he lied to me
14:21she lied to me
14:22there's a lot of fucking lies flying around
14:24so what
14:25i pretended to have shingles for a week
14:27to avoid telling your mom i lost the house at a casino
14:29we move on
14:30like we did
14:31we all moved on to that house
14:32where i had to replace the shingles
14:33holy shit this is full circle isn't it
14:34that's what happened to our house growing up
14:36Todd the point is
14:37so what
14:39no more casinos dad
14:41yeah i'm sorry
14:42how did you even find me
14:44you realize this is my day off
14:45so i have you on the find my co-worker app
14:49just in case i need to track any of my minions
14:51that crosses so many lines
14:53personal legal i don't even know where to start
14:55a lady as powerful as moi
14:57just didn't have the time to play hide and seek chels
15:00you don't have power jen
15:01inherited it like a spoiled kid with daddy's credit card
15:05oh honey
15:06i am the bank
15:07and with daddy gone
15:08i get to choose the favorite
15:10and guess what
15:10i choose me
15:11i'm done with you
15:12i'm done with you
15:13you narcissistic twat
15:15and guess what
15:18i quit
15:20i feel like i just took a big shit
15:22i want something stronger
15:24anybody have any tequila
15:25where are you buddy
15:26you can come on the bar
15:28let your feelings be low
15:29hold her buddy
15:30Dewey
15:30Dewey
15:31come on
15:32Dewey
15:33Dewey my boy
15:34oh
15:34oh no false alarm
15:36that's just conky getting his tongue work out
15:37oh buddy
15:39don't mind us
15:41let's go conk
15:42whoa
15:43you're still here
15:44please little girl
15:46help me
15:48Dewey
15:49hey buddy
15:50where are you at
15:51i'm here
15:52dad i got eyes on him
15:54he's in bad shape but he's alive
15:56good work daughter
15:57do it
15:58wait twice if you still want to party
16:00let's go boys
16:01let's go
16:01careful with him
16:02let me scratch eyes
16:05he said yes
16:07he said yes taser
16:09careful
16:09get him out
16:11get him out
16:12you came back for me
16:16so i guess there's a small chance
16:18that i may have overreacted a little bit
16:21a lot of beers
16:22a snap man i was seeing red
16:24i mean it's
16:24it's fucking weird
16:26right
16:26kind of like
16:27your best friend's date and your sister weird
16:29pretty much exactly that
16:30and it's just so graphic in my head
16:32we just didn't know how to tell you
16:33you don't need my blessing
16:34and i don't know if i can stop picturing it
16:36maybe i'll be okay
16:37nope
16:38just saw it again
16:39fuck
16:39it's a good picture
16:40okay well maybe this is just as good a time as any to tell you that i'm
16:44you're not fucking pregnant
16:45what
16:46i need my own space
16:48oh okay
16:49i don't know maybe it's time for you to start sharing that hot tub with someone that you're
16:52not related to
16:54i think we're ready for both of us to switch things up a bit
16:58whoa
16:58great
16:59stop following me
17:00i'll pay you more
17:01oh corn pulse is tripling my salary
17:03yeah i'll double it
17:04i'm done
17:05wait
17:06you're leaving chelsea
17:08no no no not yet
17:08chelsea
17:09you can't
17:12chelsea boss lady leave
17:13i love you guys but it's time
17:16i'm gonna call donnie and let him know i accept corn pulse's offer for vp
17:20donnie
17:21don't leave us
17:22you know what i have had
17:24enough of this
17:25ow
17:27jesus
17:27well that was a conch phone so
17:29worth it
17:30you corporate judas
17:32you are my sister
17:34my right hand lady
17:35and like the only person who knew all my computer passwords
17:38i know all your passwords
17:39not now janet
17:40well consider this my two weeks notice
17:43consider this my offer
17:45to pay for all your future plastic surgery needs
17:48what
17:48i know a great boob guy in tulum
17:50i can get you on a plane tonight and have you perky by brunch
17:52how did your head get so far up your ass that you think new titties is what i'd want
17:55everyone loves new titties
17:56what am i right here
17:57i mean that's not titties
17:59yeah
17:59you should take the deal
18:00todd will be a great replacement for site manager
18:02fuck that chelsea
18:03you run our refinery
18:05you're more of a conch than she'll ever be
18:07you earned it
18:08you earned it
18:09you worked your bag off to get where you are
18:10you're not some idiot that had it handed to her
18:16you know chelsea you're right about one thing
18:20the site manager's office should have a stool main plate
18:25damn straight
18:25finally todd
18:26you
18:27audrey stool
18:31you've just been officially promoted
18:34congratulations
18:34whoa hold on a second
18:36wait
18:36what
18:37i just got my union card
18:39boom
18:40and now your management girl
18:41wow that is so fucked up
18:43yeah could she actually do that
18:44isn't it amazing todd
18:46how fast you can climb that conch ladder
18:48when you don't insult the owner
18:50effective immediately
18:52leave audrey stool is our brand new site manager
18:55let's go janet
18:57janet
18:58what the hell
18:59the hot sister's hot boss
19:03congrats i guess
19:04hey no offense but audrey
19:06what the fuck is happening right now
19:11oh dummy troubles
19:13get it out
19:17must have been something i ate
19:18now sip a little more near beer
19:19then dandelion and goji have restorative properties
19:27lennard
19:28if it wasn't for your friendship i'd be right back on the sauce
19:32i'd probably be bent over a picnic table puking my gut
19:37lennard get him
19:39you took our real beer by accident full of actual alcohol
19:41yeah this is your stupid near beer
19:43that's why i'm stone cold sober
19:45and not the one making out with conkey
19:46god fuck
19:48To my esteemed conch board of directors, in regard to the earlier image of my penis,
19:56it was a private medical image intended for my urologist.
20:01A routine mold check.
20:03Turns out, my doctor's email is shockingly close to all of yours.
20:11Time to move on, eh?
20:12Forgive and forget.
20:13And, uh, speaking of hard to forget...
20:18My penis!
20:20Wait, wait, wait!
20:20My glorious penis!
20:22Stop it!
20:23Stop it!
20:24Stop it!
20:25Stop it!
20:25Stop it!
20:26Stop it!
20:27Stop it!
20:28Those paleo engines, lighting up my light.
20:35Those paleo engines, they were the stars in the sky.
20:41Those paleo lanterns, lighting up my life.
20:49Those paleo lanterns.
20:54Those paleo lanterns!
20:56A straitman!
20:57Oh, yeah!
20:59I was stuck on joy, never turned in.
21:02I didn't talk much.
21:04She was a nervous girl.
21:07Hey, Chelsea.
21:08This is Donnie from Corn Falls.
21:09I'm just checking in.
21:11Hello?
21:12Hello?
21:13Chelsea?
21:15Chelsea?
21:16I'm bleeding!
Comments