- 2 hours ago
The Boys - Season 5 Episode 5
Category
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TVTranscript
00:00:05I'll fucking kill you.
00:00:11I got you something.
00:00:12Terror.
00:00:13Does he still hump everything?
00:00:14He does his best.
00:00:15My grandma was diagnosed with leukemia.
00:00:17I discovered a cure.
00:00:19They laughed at me.
00:00:20Fuck them.
00:00:22Oh.
00:00:22What's that smell?
00:00:24That soldier boy.
00:00:25I can smell them all over here.
00:00:26We're smart.
00:00:27He just disappears every afternoon.
00:00:28Won't say where he's going.
00:00:30Won't say shit.
00:00:30I trusted you.
00:00:31Are you still buttered about me bringing in Stan Edgar?
00:00:33I thought we were friends.
00:00:34I needed a win from Homelander.
00:00:36Edgar was hit.
00:00:37We get the V1 first.
00:00:38We save Annie.
00:00:38We save Kimiko.
00:00:39Homelander gets it.
00:00:40He's immortal.
00:00:40Punch luck at bleeding sledgehammer.
00:00:42Lot of ties for fucking smack.
00:00:44Bombside.
00:00:45It enriched your radio.
00:00:46Good luck getting out of a soup proof cell
00:00:48while you're bleeding out of your ass.
00:00:50The V1 wasn't here.
00:00:52Just fucking do it already.
00:00:54I was visited by an angel.
00:00:56Today, we commit ourselves to a divine rebranding.
00:01:01I am the Messiah.
00:01:02The Democratic Church of America.
00:01:05Let's go.
00:01:09They're up before dawn.
00:01:11They got a thousand heads of cattle to herd.
00:01:14It's hard work and strong coffee.
00:01:17Old leather saddles and the worn stock of a trusty Remington.
00:01:22And when the sun finally rises over the range, the cowboys know America is God's country.
00:01:30And Americans, God's chosen people.
00:01:33So shouldn't we have our own church for Americans?
00:01:36With American grit and American values founded by the greatest American of us all?
00:01:42A true American prophet?
00:01:44Come home to the Democratic Church of America.
00:01:48Come home to Homelander.
00:01:51Already, the campaign's aided awareness outpaces the norm by plus 22 points led by white men and women ages 36
00:02:00to 54 and 55 to 72.
00:02:03We are also seeing massive growth on the ground level.
00:02:07Yeah?
00:02:08I'm seeing massive growth myself.
00:02:13Church attendance is up.
00:02:16And our online donation CTR is at 44%.
00:02:19That's a new record.
00:02:20Amen.
00:02:21Amen.
00:02:21Next up is a 500 million ad blitz with OOH, e-blasts, print and digital.
00:02:30Ain't nobody won't know about the Democratic Church of America and its chosen prophet.
00:02:41Prophets are servants.
00:02:44Of course.
00:02:45Sir, great point.
00:02:47We're just trying to ease people into it.
00:02:49No, no, no.
00:02:50We need to prepare America for my ascension.
00:02:55We must be honest.
00:02:56We must be direct.
00:02:58I like Savior.
00:02:59Or, or...
00:03:01Lord.
00:03:02Yes, I couldn't agree more, sir.
00:03:04Religion is not about being meek.
00:03:07We should dominate the seven mountains of society.
00:03:11Bring the kingdom of heaven to earth.
00:03:13Amen.
00:03:13Amen.
00:03:14I love all that.
00:03:16So fucking dope.
00:03:17Easter is just around the corner.
00:03:18How perfect would it be for your second coming to come on the day of Jesus' resurrection?
00:03:24Hmm.
00:03:26Second coming?
00:03:27Let's be clear.
00:03:28I am not the son of God.
00:03:32Yeah, well, of course.
00:03:34Many people believe that Jesus is both God incarnate and the son.
00:03:38Well, that's just confusing.
00:03:40I don't want my church getting involved in all that.
00:03:43Exactly.
00:03:44Besides, if we pull up our timeline, you won't have this.
00:03:49Yes.
00:04:01We gonna drag our feet because of a book.
00:04:03Not a book.
00:04:06The book.
00:04:07The Homelander Bible.
00:04:14Heavy.
00:04:17It's got the Old Testament, the New Testament, and the brand new American Testament written
00:04:25by A.I.
00:04:25trained on the works Pat Robertson.
00:04:27See, we need to pass the torch, sir.
00:04:30From Jesus to you, sir.
00:04:33And we don't get more than one chance at a first impression.
00:04:37Are we really gonna rush something this important?
00:04:42We ate Arby's, after all.
00:04:45No.
00:04:47We're the Cheesecake Factory.
00:04:51Hmm.
00:04:53Okay.
00:04:55We'll do it your way.
00:05:01You do realize this kind of sudden religious upheaval is likely to generate widespread civil unrest?
00:05:08Local law should be able to handle the suburbs, but we could use extra hands in major metros.
00:05:13Oh.
00:05:13Just recall all soups stationed overseas.
00:05:16American heroes should be protecting America, not who gives a fuck a stand.
00:05:20Great idea.
00:05:29Something wrong.
00:05:31Everything's beachy.
00:05:40Well, I can see why they call this the city that never sleeps.
00:05:44How could you with all that racket?
00:05:46You're getting used to it.
00:05:48You seem to have.
00:05:49City life seems to suit you.
00:05:51I guess.
00:05:54I was surprised you called, Reverend.
00:05:57Well, I was surprised you answered.
00:05:59It's been a while and I said things I regret.
00:06:01You both did.
00:06:06You remember when you used to stop by the church after school?
00:06:10Use your powers to light our candles.
00:06:12I remember staying for supper.
00:06:15Oh, man.
00:06:16Those fish fry Fridays.
00:06:18I never liked eating alone.
00:06:20Well, were you making sure I got at least one hot square a day?
00:06:27Reverend, is something the matter?
00:06:29I'm embarrassed to bug you with all of this, but the last couple of weeks have been rough.
00:06:35We've been bleeding congregants to the Democratic Church of America and what folks are sticking around, they're scared.
00:06:42Why?
00:06:43Because last Sunday, somebody melted our stained glass window of Mary.
00:06:49Melted it?
00:06:49Mm-hmm.
00:06:50It's our local soup.
00:06:52Prey and mantis.
00:06:54He sprayed acid out of his butt.
00:06:57I mean, his glands, his whatever.
00:06:59Yeah, I know him.
00:07:00It was a message.
00:07:02I called the sheriff.
00:07:03I called the mayor.
00:07:04I've called half of Florida.
00:07:06You're all I got left.
00:07:09Reverend, I don't know what I could do.
00:07:11Well, you gotta be able to do something.
00:07:14You're Homelander's right hand.
00:07:17Highlander's not too keen on being challenged.
00:07:23Why not just pay the franchise fee and join?
00:07:25Honey, we can barely afford to pay our water bill.
00:07:29Besides, the Democratic Church of America, God does not favor one nation over another.
00:07:36Doesn't he, though?
00:07:37No.
00:07:38Name one way God's ever blessed Canada.
00:07:44Just cause Homelander tells you that the sky is red does not make it so.
00:07:52You still have that, uh, that Jesus action figure.
00:07:56I'm surprised you remember that.
00:07:58How could I forget it? You carried it with you everywhere you went.
00:08:00You almost wore the face off the thing.
00:08:03You still carry him?
00:08:05Um...
00:08:09It's complicated.
00:08:11No, it's... I don't think it is.
00:08:15Homelander's, uh...
00:08:16He's a great American.
00:08:17He can stop bullets, he can fly, and do amazing things.
00:08:21Those aren't miracles.
00:08:23And he is not God.
00:08:27If you're the same Misty Tucker Gray that I taught the Bible to over Fish, I think you know it
00:08:32too.
00:08:49We ain't doing that again.
00:08:51That's what you said the last six times.
00:08:53Well, I really mean it this time.
00:08:58You seem a little out of it.
00:09:00Did you nut?
00:09:02As usual, you nut.
00:09:07Were you baptized?
00:09:13Yeah, in front of half of Chestnut Hill.
00:09:15Governor Sproul did the honors.
00:09:18My family kept up appearances, of course.
00:09:20Then we never set foot in church again.
00:09:23I had lunch today with the Reverend who baptized me.
00:09:25He's been getting the heat to switch over to our church.
00:09:30You think Homelander might be open to going easy on him?
00:09:33Just...
00:09:34Give him a little more time.
00:09:36Um...
00:09:36I wouldn't ask if it was just anybody, but...
00:09:38That man practically raised me.
00:09:42So you didn't nut.
00:09:46You know this whole Homelander is God shit.
00:09:49It's...
00:09:50It's fucking ridiculous.
00:09:52Really? You think so?
00:09:54If he's a second coming, then what does that make me?
00:09:57Joseph?
00:09:58I mean talk about the biggest cuck in history.
00:10:00A man trades his best cow to bag some hot ass virgin.
00:10:04And then God comes and...
00:10:06Squirts his baby gravy up her meat wallet.
00:10:09Fuck that.
00:10:11I guess I've been struggling with where to place...
00:10:15Homelander in my heart in relation to Jesus and the Lord.
00:10:19Okay.
00:10:21Of course I worship Homelander.
00:10:22I mean...
00:10:23He's always been a God to me.
00:10:26Look, I'll tell you this.
00:10:27If there is a God...
00:10:30Sure as hell didn't come out of my balls.
00:10:34I gotta go.
00:10:34Where are you off to?
00:10:36L.A.
00:10:38I fucking hate L.A.
00:10:44Homelander?
00:10:47Homelander?
00:10:51Hello?
00:10:56Does Homelander know you're here?
00:10:58Yeah, of course.
00:11:00Some of our church's followers generously donated their milk for our Savior's sustenance.
00:11:05I mean, he gotta get his liquid gold from somewhere, am I right?
00:11:09You need something.
00:11:11Where's Homelander?
00:11:12Oh, what?
00:11:13He didn't tell you.
00:11:14Yeah, he had to fly off to L.A.
00:11:16Strange you didn't mention anything.
00:11:18Well, I've been real busy working for his glory, so not much time for chit-chat.
00:11:22Of course.
00:11:23Look at us.
00:11:24Regular Peter and John, just bearing witness and spreading the gospel.
00:11:28A real blessing.
00:11:29Amen.
00:11:29Amen.
00:11:30A real blessing.
00:11:31Oh, uh, by the way, after our meeting, I checked in on the timeline of that Homelander Bible.
00:11:40And, uh, the printers were happy to rush it to make Easter.
00:11:44Well, ain't you full of get up and go?
00:11:47Thing is, they said it wasn't a problem.
00:11:50So I wondered why you were so bent on holding it up.
00:11:55I wasn't.
00:11:57See, I just wanted to make sure everything was just right.
00:12:01Listen, if you are ever feeling any doubts, come to me.
00:12:07I could be a warm shoulder and a friendly ear.
00:12:11Oh, bless your heart.
00:12:15I'll do that.
00:12:19What'd you want to talk to Homelander about?
00:12:22Maybe I could help.
00:12:24That is so kind to you.
00:12:28But it wasn't important.
00:12:39What's up?
00:12:41Um, got a tip from our southeast ringer.
00:12:45Praying Mantis raided half a dozen churches in Daytona.
00:12:49Was one of them Holy Baptist?
00:12:53The man upstairs wants us, you, to run with it top of show.
00:12:57He thinks with it being your home church and all, it'll make a strong statement.
00:13:02So I'll have Chris load the new graphics.
00:13:05I gotta finish getting ready.
00:13:17Welcome to Truth Bomb.
00:13:19Our top story tonight's a personal one.
00:13:22It's the story of my hometown church.
00:13:25Holy Baptist of Daytona.
00:13:27Holy Baptist of Daytona.
00:13:27It was the church I grew up in.
00:13:29Sang my hymns from the pews there every Sunday.
00:13:32But that church...
00:13:37That church...
00:13:43That church...
00:13:45That church...
00:13:48Has become a hotbed of starlight infestation.
00:13:55And my old pastor, Reverend Greg Dupree, has been infected by starlight seditious propaganda.
00:14:11Now, I never told a soul of this, but when I was a little girl, the Reverend regularly had me
00:14:18over for supper.
00:14:20Alone.
00:14:23Nothing ever happened to me, but I heard stories about his fish fry Fridays.
00:14:33And if that ain't code for child grooming, I don't know what is.
00:14:41How much longer are we gonna let these institutional pedo churches diddle our babies?
00:14:52Americans deserve better.
00:14:57They deserve...
00:15:00Homelander.
00:15:03They deserve...
00:15:05The democratic church...
00:15:08Of America.
00:15:24Something wrong?
00:15:26Everything's peachy.
00:15:31Would you like some knee pads?
00:15:32I'm sorry?
00:15:33You're looking at me like you wanna suck my hog.
00:15:37So I'm asking if you would like some knee pads.
00:15:41Take it easy on the little guy.
00:15:43You brought me Stan Edgar.
00:15:44Here.
00:15:46Thank you, sir.
00:15:49Thank you, sir.
00:16:10Terry.
00:16:10Barry.уки.
00:16:11Jeff.
00:16:12There's
00:16:12no Bee Gees without me. B.G.
00:16:14means the brother's Gibb. What?
00:16:16you think that falsetto makes you boss i think saturday night fever going platinum 16 times
00:16:21makes me boss we made that album together nothing without me and maurice don't you dare bring
00:16:26reese into this i don't know it feels inauthentic for barry to move like this oh yeah
00:16:36in what way egomaniacs like barry are are really just insecure i think he's threatened by robin's
00:16:43talent so maybe he uh expresses that by doing a barrel roll instead
00:16:51never mind sorry i broke character i didn't mean to yeah
00:16:55you need to apologize all right for being a genius are you kidding me a barrel roll holy
00:17:05shit it's brilliant justin i don't know who you are or where you came from or anything about you but
00:17:14my
00:17:15god if you are not a fucking talent wow thank you no thank you let's take 10 everybody
00:17:27all right
00:17:30lay it on me justin what do you mean you're acting up there stop acting stop acting don't
00:17:40act don't because i don't need an actor
00:17:45i need barry gab you're right boss i'm sorry my process has been all over the map but just
00:17:51this scene is a little close to home all right let me guess the egomaniac we're talking about
00:17:56that's someone in your life someone i work with in my day job all right what are you doing so
00:18:02quit
00:18:03there's no way this gig is more important than the fucking theater i thought this guy was my brother
00:18:07but he straight up hijacked something i did and took all the credit for it all right
00:18:14i've been trying to keep this on the tl but in addition to my theater work i also happen to
00:18:20be a
00:18:20massive feature director for saturn wards to prove it so i was working on this little film i don't know
00:18:26you may have heard of it called dawn of the seven billion dollar gross but who's counting
00:18:31it was this fucking guy the deep he just kept upstaging everyone with his trite shitty improvs
00:18:40i heard he's a real baby he's a jared leto level baby bitch but you gotta put people like that
00:18:46in their place right so whoever's upstaging you you fucking upstage them right back
00:18:53okay yeah all right you got this poobala
00:19:00so great you're here bro yes well we need to meet young men where they are if we plan to
00:19:07usher them
00:19:08into the fold of our lord totes my goats so listen you know i've got some ideas about how to
00:19:14take this
00:19:14whole church thing to the next level oh yeah so you know how communion wafers taste like tried
00:19:20shit what if they were nila wafers instead huh oh yeah and if you could throw in a commandment about
00:19:29how it's not cool to try and bone another bro's girl we have that that already exists great minds then
00:19:37eh point is me and homeowner we go way back i know what he likes doesn't like so you ever
00:19:43want to bounce
00:19:43my ideas back don't listen to him bro oh he talks no he does not he's not trying to help
00:19:51you he's
00:19:51like those fish who suck on whales talking about a sucker fish he latches onto every new soup starlight
00:19:57me sage he pretends he's a guy but he's not the guy he's a joke that smell in his breath
00:20:03it's because
00:20:04he's been clam diving on clams what i have not done that i have definitely never done that look if
00:20:10you
00:20:11really want to impress homelander bring me on stage for easter homelander can heal me i'll get my
00:20:16voice back and then i'll fly you know i can fly right that's so stupid bro well now i'm gonna
00:20:22have
00:20:22to run this by homelander but uh an honest to god faith healing that's like a nine point bump with
00:20:28pentecostals right there god damn
00:20:48there's my guy little pep in the step huh sir i did what you said and i upstaged that bucket
00:20:57at work
00:20:58i'm proud of you you know that's exactly how i handled that motherfucker paul rudd
00:21:02he's not who you think he is i appreciate the help boss you oh my god kid you know what
00:21:08keep this
00:21:09between us but you know a lot of studios hung me out to dry after they shelved training a train
00:21:14oh yeah and at first i drowned my sorrows and crack nitrous huff and glue huff and paint paint thinners
00:21:21cough medicine guns high-risk sex codeine did you ever fuck on codeine
00:21:28but that's not the answer
00:21:32this play it saved me you saved me wow thank you no kid thank you because i got some big
00:21:44news
00:21:46we're going to broadway that's no more mindless studio bullshit i can probably be the artist i
00:21:51always dreamed of and you kid you have no idea but you're gonna be a fucking star so you ditch
00:21:57that office
00:21:58okay because you and i we're gonna save the world
00:22:02with our talent oh my god you have no idea how much this means to me oh i love you
00:22:09kid
00:22:11you start your focal warm-up yeah i'm gonna drop a juice okay
00:22:22fucking tony gilroy
00:22:47god
00:22:51come here
00:22:55Closer.
00:22:58Closer.
00:22:58Closer.
00:22:59Closer.
00:23:01My eyes hurt so fucking much.
00:23:28Closer.
00:23:28Hey, bro.
00:23:29Don't you fucking hate bromee. What the fuck is wrong with you?
00:23:33Nothing. Why? What's wrong with you?
00:23:35I call you a clam diver and you send an eel to ass-murder Adam Bork?
00:23:39Did something terrible happen at your play rehearsal today?
00:23:42Which is definitely not your job.
00:23:43The lead producer's stepping away. They're shuttering the production.
00:23:47Get it coming.
00:23:49Fucker didn't use my improvs in Dawn of the Seven.
00:23:51He believed in me, you fuckwit.
00:23:53And for what? Because I fucking upstaged you with Oh Father?
00:23:57It's just gonna happen now.
00:23:59You are gonna fucking do whatever I say, whenever I say it.
00:24:03Or I'm gonna tell Homelander you're in some pussy play.
00:24:06Which is a definite conflict of interest since Homelander outlawed the National Endowment for the Arts.
00:24:14You have nothing to say?
00:24:16Nice.
00:24:18You were getting the hang of that Miser technique, huh?
00:24:28Hey, buddy.
00:24:30Good boy. Good boy.
00:24:34Hey.
00:24:37You wanna fuck me?
00:24:39You wanna fuck me like a good boy?
00:24:42Oh, come on.
00:24:45Hey, come on, come on.
00:25:00No.
00:25:01You wanna fuck you?
00:25:02You wanna fuck you?
00:25:04Well, you wanna fuck you?
00:25:04I don't wanna fuck you?
00:25:07You wanna fuck you?
00:25:12Um, steak, you know?
00:25:18Jesus Christ, has Butcher ever washed this thing?
00:25:22Oh, that thing is like glazed in dog semen.
00:25:25Like a cum donut.
00:25:26Cumnut?
00:25:27Did I just invent a new word?
00:25:29You know what?
00:25:29I'm gonna do us all a favor and wash this.
00:25:31Terror, your boyfriend is about to become a virgin all over again.
00:25:35Whew.
00:25:36Good boy.
00:25:56What the fuck is that?
00:25:57You're finally building yourself a fuckbot?
00:25:59Something me and Frenchy are working on.
00:26:02Proper preparation and planning, my son.
00:26:05None of my fucking business got it.
00:26:06Yeah, that's the one.
00:26:08And he lives on bombsite.
00:26:09Not a damn thing.
00:26:10Well, he's an unbreakable cunt that flies through the air.
00:26:12How hard can it be?
00:26:13Well, if it's so easy, why don't you look for him?
00:26:16I've hit every single dead end and then some.
00:26:19How about Legend?
00:26:20That old bastard knows everyone.
00:26:22He's in the wind.
00:26:23And if I had as much shit on Vite as he did, I'd fuck off too.
00:26:27Aw, shit.
00:26:28Wait, wait, wait.
00:26:29Oi, Terror, no!
00:26:30Hey, get down!
00:26:31Good boy.
00:26:32Good boy.
00:26:33No.
00:26:34You can't have no chocolate, mate.
00:26:36Yeah, get your own chocolate.
00:26:44What?
00:26:45Free Mississippi rule.
00:26:47Bloody hell.
00:26:48I never thought I'd see the die.
00:26:49It's got a fucking pubic ear on it, I know.
00:26:51Tasty, too.
00:26:53Hmm?
00:26:56You know what's funny?
00:26:59Here we are, parked in the middle of hell, and I've never slept or shit so good my entire
00:27:06life.
00:27:06What's different?
00:27:07Well, like you, I just finally realized that I'm already dead.
00:27:14And once I just gave up that stress of needing to stay alive, it's like shit got easier.
00:27:22You know, I spent my whole life going after Soulja Boy for what he did to my family.
00:27:27Yet, he's immortal?
00:27:30He's immune.
00:27:33What kind of fucking cosmic joke is that?
00:27:36So you tell me, Butcher, why should I keep going?
00:27:41Well, you keep going from Monique to Janine.
00:27:45They're better off without me.
00:27:47How can a man so smart be so fucking daft?
00:27:50They are.
00:27:51And I'm better off without them.
00:27:54Because if I thought that there was a snowball's chance in hell, that I might see him again,
00:28:02then I might be too scared to do what you and me both need me to do.
00:28:30You wonder what am I doing?
00:28:33Well, first, I made Kimiko the perfect French ribeye.
00:28:39You know, she loves my steak.
00:28:42And for dessert, my souffle en chocolate.
00:28:46It's a thing of legend.
00:28:55You know, she wants one of you, too.
00:28:59I don't know.
00:29:00What is it that you do?
00:29:03Eat, sleep, or fetch?
00:29:06Haha.
00:29:07I throw the wall, you bring it back.
00:29:10I throw the wall, you bring it back.
00:29:13It's a nightmare of futility.
00:29:16What would I do with one of you?
00:29:17I've killed every plant I've owned.
00:29:21I'll surely kill you, too.
00:29:28She deserves peace.
00:29:32A normal life.
00:29:35But I...
00:29:41I don't know how to give her this.
00:29:46If I even can.
00:29:52Oh, la, la, la, la, la.
00:29:58No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
00:30:01Oh, fut de brunt.
00:30:08I need fresh air.
00:30:09You wanna come?
00:30:10Outside?
00:30:11No?
00:30:13Okay.
00:30:19If you and M.M. still think...
00:30:21Oh, for fuck's sake, Huey.
00:30:22Knock it off with this V1 shite.
00:30:23You're doing me fucking head in.
00:30:26Oi.
00:30:27Terror.
00:30:28Cut it out.
00:30:29Come on.
00:30:30Now, listen.
00:30:31If we do find that stuff,
00:30:32we're not making any fucking vaccines out of it, alright?
00:30:35We're not the department of fucking health.
00:30:36We burn this shit before Homelander gets his paws on it,
00:30:39and that's it.
00:30:40Well, if you wanna kill yourself,
00:30:41knock yourself out,
00:30:42but why do you have to decide for the rest of us?
00:30:43Oh, cause I'm fucking right.
00:30:45Cause I've always been right.
00:30:47I've been telling you lot,
00:30:48from the fucking start,
00:30:49the sky has fallen.
00:30:50And guess what?
00:30:52The sky fucking fell.
00:30:53Well, you kinda helped bring it down.
00:30:54Oh, don't give me that bollocks.
00:30:56Listen.
00:30:57Homelander thinks he's a fucking god.
00:30:59Once he becomes a mortal,
00:31:01he's gonna start killing like one,
00:31:03and we are talking millions of people.
00:31:05Now, are you telling me
00:31:06you're honestly happy
00:31:08to risk all of that
00:31:09for a life on the run with your girl,
00:31:12knowing
00:31:13that you could've stopped it?
00:31:17You can live with that, can ya?
00:31:21What if it was Becca?
00:31:25You just let her die?
00:31:32I did let her die.
00:31:35Look.
00:31:37I know that Homelander comes first.
00:31:39I really do.
00:31:41All I'm asking
00:31:42is that we try.
00:31:45Annie and Kimiko deserve that much.
00:31:50Oi, Tara, no!
00:31:53Oi, get out of there!
00:31:54Oh, bloody hell.
00:31:55Is that chocolate?
00:31:56Isn't chocolate bad for dogs?
00:31:58For a dog disorder,
00:31:59it's fucking lethal.
00:32:00Oi, fresher, you cunt!
00:32:01Get me some hydrogen peroxide, would ya?
00:32:03Okay, we have some in the first aid kit.
00:32:04Give me one second.
00:32:05What happened?
00:32:06You poisoned my fucking dog!
00:32:08No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
00:32:10Look, all you need is charcoal.
00:32:12We should call a vet.
00:32:13They're gonna tell you you need charcoal.
00:32:14Guys, we got this.
00:32:14Just give him some room.
00:32:15I'll hold his mouth open.
00:32:16You pour, right?
00:32:17On the count of three.
00:32:18One, two, three.
00:32:20Sorry, buddy.
00:32:21There you go.
00:32:24That's all right, all right.
00:32:29Oh, Hassan.
00:32:30That's a good boy.
00:32:31All right.
00:32:32You're gonna be all right, boy.
00:32:35Fucking hell.
00:32:41Hey!
00:32:42You want some turkey?
00:32:45Well, first you gotta fuck me.
00:32:48Then I'll give you the turkey.
00:32:56Oi.
00:32:58There he is, eh?
00:33:01Oi, hey, were you having a dream, were ya?
00:33:04Was it a goodie?
00:33:08How's he doing?
00:33:09Yeah.
00:33:10He's all right.
00:33:12Thank you for, uh...
00:33:15Yeah.
00:33:16It's all good.
00:33:18It's all good.
00:33:27Oi.
00:33:29Yui.
00:33:33Listen, uh...
00:33:35If we do find that B1,
00:33:38and if it don't fuck us,
00:33:42you can have some.
00:33:46For any in the...
00:33:48coming home.
00:33:50What about you?
00:33:53Oi.
00:33:54But as soon as Frenchy's got that shite sorted,
00:33:57we're using it, all right?
00:33:58Ready or not?
00:34:12What you looking at?
00:34:15Nothing.
00:34:21And as for you,
00:34:23don't you ever fucking do that to me again, all right?
00:34:26Good boy.
00:34:28Now, I caught Blondie trying to give you wet plus the boil wash.
00:34:33But I know how you love the crunchy bits.
00:34:36Yes, I do.
00:34:37I know how you love those crunchy bits.
00:34:38Yeah.
00:34:51You do realize this kind of sudden religious upheaval is likely to generate widespread civil unrest?
00:34:59Local law can handle the suburbs, but we could use extra hands in major metros.
00:35:02All right. Well, recall all the soups stationed overseas.
00:35:05American heroes should be protecting America,
00:35:07not who gives a fuck a stand.
00:35:10Great idea.
00:35:11Yeah.
00:35:22Where to?
00:35:23Crime analytics.
00:35:30That was thrilling, wasn't it?
00:35:34What a bright future we have ahead of us.
00:35:37It was a real Gucci-oni piss party.
00:35:41Imagine how much more exciting it'll be when Homelander becomes immortal.
00:35:45Who?
00:35:47Have you found Livy Ward?
00:35:51No.
00:35:53Homelander hasn't gotten anything out of Stan Edgar.
00:35:56No.
00:35:57But I haven't had a crack at him yet.
00:36:09Jesus, give me a little personal space, will ya, Garth?
00:36:14Hm. 24-7 agents must be hard for someone so into scat play.
00:36:17You realize I do actually work?
00:36:18I was this close to convincing the FCC to pull every broadcast license but VNN.
00:36:24Homelander feels this is more important.
00:36:28What now?
00:36:29The President and I stand by this decision.
00:36:32We need our American soups here in America.
00:36:35Well, isn't it kinda sorta your fault for being invaded?
00:36:38You might as well have been wearing a short skirt.
00:36:41Man, those Ukrainians sure have a fucking mouth on them.
00:36:44Remember.
00:36:45You're doing the Lord's work.
00:36:47Words out.
00:36:48VOD stock is tanking.
00:36:49The international markets are in free fall and you're not the least bit concerned.
00:36:53It's not about what I think.
00:36:55It's what the man wants.
00:36:58It's always what the man wants.
00:37:05You want a drink?
00:37:07So we're at the climate change summit in Reykjavik when the Swiss Chancellor says we should all race our Gulf
00:37:12streams.
00:37:13The amount of CO2 we splooched out, the air was chewy the next day.
00:37:17Lolz.
00:37:22Come on.
00:37:23What do you want from me, Sage?
00:37:25What makes you think I want anything from you?
00:37:26You haven't called me the poster child for late-term abortion once today.
00:37:30Truth be told, you're not the one I want.
00:37:33I know you know what Homelander's doing.
00:37:36He's going after the V1.
00:37:37Wait, what?
00:37:38And if he gets any?
00:37:40He lives forever.
00:37:41What is V1?
00:37:42And what do you mean Homelander lives forever?
00:37:45I've done what I can to make sure he doesn't find any.
00:37:48How do you know about this and I don't?
00:37:50Have you two been talking without me?
00:37:53Homelander is an open baby book, but Soldier Boy is tricky.
00:37:56I need you to read his mind.
00:37:57What he knows, where they're headed next, and most importantly, if Soldier Boy is warming up to his sadistic regret.
00:38:05Okay, I'm in.
00:38:07The fuck you are? We are not conspiring against Homelander.
00:38:10Hey, don't forget the Aung San Suu Kyi quote tramp stamped on our ass.
00:38:14The only real prison is fear.
00:38:16No, the only real prison is prison.
00:38:18Ashley, what do you think happens to you if I die?
00:38:22I'm not about to risk my neck because I let an overgrown Boyle do my thinking for me.
00:38:27Okay, fine. Just stay.
00:38:29Why? So you can play more mind games?
00:38:31You gave me your answer. I heard you.
00:38:33Now, don't make me drink alone.
00:38:39I'm starving.
00:38:40Are you starving?
00:38:41I'd kill for a chalupa right now.
00:38:43I'd kill for a big juicy dick.
00:38:45Well, we should call Gavin. His girth was amazing.
00:38:48And oh man, the amount of spunk he shot back here, we looked like Pepe Le Pew.
00:38:51We are not booty calling my high school boyfriend.
00:38:54But he was so sweet. And mom loved him, remember?
00:38:56Yeah, well mom's dead. So she doesn't get a say. And neither do you.
00:39:00What happened to her?
00:39:01Cancer.
00:39:03My grandmother too. What was she like? Your mother.
00:39:08Tiny.
00:39:10And terrifying.
00:39:12This one bitch Harper Hewitt used to make fun of my nose.
00:39:15So my mom tells Mr. Hewitt that Mrs. Hewitt has been railing the UPS guy.
00:39:20Which she was. That was mom. Bringing a nuke to a knife fight.
00:39:27So they moved.
00:39:29And the rest of kindergarten was no sweat.
00:39:32My folks shot me out with V, thinking I'd be a meal ticket.
00:39:36And then my power turned out to be smarts.
00:39:39Which is the worst fucking one.
00:39:41Try knowing what everyone really thinks of you all day.
00:39:43Ooh, trust me. The thing people hate more than just about anything is feeling stupid.
00:39:49So, when a three-year-old corrects your grammar, or, oh, tells them their life dream yogurt shop is doomed
00:39:56to fail, they start to hate you too.
00:39:58At least my parents did.
00:40:00Until they dumped me at my grandmas.
00:40:03But...
00:40:03Grandma.
00:40:04You know, she was the only one who ever thought it was a gift.
00:40:08I would quote Othello to her, word for word, and, and...
00:40:13She'd clap.
00:40:15And laugh her big laugh.
00:40:19I'm still so pissed she is gone.
00:40:23I used to want to be like my mom.
00:40:27Strong.
00:40:28Pushy as fuck.
00:40:30Didn't take shit from anyone.
00:40:31You still can.
00:40:34If you help me.
00:40:38Fuck you.
00:40:39You knew.
00:40:40You knew about my mom the whole time.
00:40:41You drew it out of me just to soften me up.
00:40:44Did it work?
00:40:44No.
00:40:45This is my fucking problem with you.
00:40:47I know you've been working some big plan all year.
00:40:49How am I supposed to trust you if I'm just a pawn in your fucked up chess game?
00:40:53Alright.
00:40:55If I tell you, will you help me?
00:40:58I would heavily consider it.
00:41:00Helping Homelander take control of the country is phase one.
00:41:04It was only ever the beginning.
00:41:06Phase two is the end.
00:41:07The end of what?
00:41:08The world.
00:41:10After this soup killing virus is released.
00:41:13Wait, you want it released?
00:41:14Oh, you bet I do.
00:41:16After soups you realize humans are behind it.
00:41:20All hell will break loose.
00:41:22Soups butchering humans.
00:41:23Virus butchering soups.
00:41:25Fucking world war soup.
00:41:26I don't believe you.
00:41:28Swear on my grandma's soul.
00:41:30Why would you possibly want that?
00:41:32Because I'll be watching from my cozy bunker outside Colorado Springs.
00:41:36And when it's all over, I can read all day every day.
00:41:41No one bothering me.
00:41:44Nothing but peace and quiet forever.
00:41:49Which is why Homelander can't survive.
00:41:52That needy asshole would never give me a moment's rest.
00:41:55It defeats the whole purpose.
00:41:58Don't worry.
00:41:59You're invited to my bunker.
00:42:01You too, Ashley.
00:42:06You too, Ashley.
00:42:07Oh, God.
00:42:10Would you like some knee pads?
00:42:12Sorry, what?
00:42:13You're looking at me like you want to suck my hog.
00:42:18so i'm asking you if you would like some knee pads go easy on the little guy
00:42:23he brought me stan egger thank you sir you may leave
00:42:38what crawled up your shithole no idea what you mean when you're pissy
00:42:43you tend to make everybody else's lives pissy too stan edgar still stonewalling you i've talked to him
00:42:50three times now says he has no idea where the v1 is heart rate steady as a rock i'm starting
00:42:56to
00:42:56believe him that slippery fuck used to fetch my cocaine you know what i have an idea
00:43:08why don't i take a crack at him what you don't trust me well you did lock me in a
00:43:16room with nuclear
00:43:16material and uh tried to stop me getting the v1 so i'm sure you can understand my hesitance
00:43:25you could have killed me at fort harmony but you didn't maybe i feel like i owe you well maybe
00:43:30you're
00:43:30trying maybe give me an hour i'll meet you at it yourself
00:43:50my my now the mighty have fucked themselves square in the ass
00:43:57don't shit where you eat stan so you've called in reinforcements i wanted to see the prick that
00:44:02sold me out to the reds he wasn't personal it was a business decision we had your replacement model
00:44:07on the way even as a toddler homelander showed more promise than you ever did
00:44:14not that it amounted to much when have you ever done anything
00:44:19something remotely interesting or original my power is absolute stan at heights no one's even dreamed
00:44:29of i'd call that pretty fucking original nothing that the lowest speck of this pointless species
00:44:35couldn't have thought of were they to be granted your level of power why am i still alive because
00:44:44you're useful stan and i always wanted a pet perhaps or is it because you are so desperate for daddy
00:44:53figures that you can't even bring yourself to kill the ones who hate you at least that's something he
00:44:59and i have in common do you want to die stan
00:45:15is that supposed to mean something well i had the eggheads and crime analytics track down your
00:45:20granddaughter zoe and her dad they're in tempe arizona
00:45:30so where is the v1
00:45:35as i told you i genuinely don't know
00:45:44but
00:45:47i may know someone who does you should go and see mr marathon in la
00:45:52he's always had an intense interest in vaught's history it should be a delightful reunion
00:46:04hooray for hollywood that screwy bally hooey hollywood go out and try your luck you might be
00:46:12donald duck hooray for hollywood homelander it's really uh really good to see you um why but uh you
00:46:19what what brings you by relax we're just here to talk yeah great awesome soldier boy wow big fan
00:46:25sir i actually uh popped my cherry in your underoos nice so you were part of the seven i was
00:46:32i was you
00:46:33know until this one replaced me with a train check it out come on well you're only the world's fastest
00:46:38man as long as you're the world's fastest man champ and you got slow it was one race never gave
00:46:44me the
00:46:44chance to win it back boss hey check this one out gross 35 mil on a 200 million dollar budget
00:46:55these aren't even vaught films what's the difference these were made where washed up soups go to die
00:47:00sony pictures tv it's a legit studio and i save half on their tvs and maybe we're not part of
00:47:07the
00:47:07official vcu and maybe we can't mention vod or you know any licensed vod hero but hey still making
00:47:14magic that and i uh wrestling a little bit on the side low pills ozembek whatever you need
00:47:19fastest dealer in town all right come on the gang will be psyched to meet you
00:47:28did you guys hear they rounded up aziz macaulay joaquin kiefer merrill
00:47:33i also heard they got benedict wonger cumberbatch oh fuck i know dude what the
00:47:38fuck malchemical get your boys in check huh just because i'm a soup doesn't mean i truck in that
00:47:42fascist shit we need to do something counterpoint why because we're storytellers dude our superpower
00:47:48is we inspire hearts and minds look at the characters we create luke skywalker katniss
00:47:53condi oh bitch please come on like mark hamill j-law and sir ben kingsley do anything but collect their
00:47:59fucking residuals they're very engaged look here's what we do we all post about this simultaneously
00:48:05on instagram yes black squares on the main feed black lives matter did black squares
00:48:10fuck you're right we do blue squares on the grid because blue lives matter i wouldn't post that
00:48:15is there any color that hasn't been taken by some fucking group what about white brown oh oh i'll get
00:48:22lena dunham to write an editorial for the atlantic that'll really people that has great readership
00:48:28she's very persuasive whatever fuck sticks look best day of my life was when they executed hater
00:48:33right more offer onlys for the forte hey do we think michael cera's a starlighter because we're up
00:48:39for the same part right now and it'd be pretty good if you got vanished we've been friends with him
00:48:42for
00:48:4220 years chris yeah but i really need this part man oh no oh no what's up homelander soldier boy
00:48:50wow
00:48:50i'm i'm will remember me i'm the one who turned in channing tatum
00:48:57seth rogan we actually met once before uh with black noir the premiere for silent vengeance 3 vengeance
00:49:03reloaded big fan i'm actually uh testifying in front of congress for you you know outing suspected
00:49:09starlighters spoiler alert post malone you need to get the away from me right now you bet yeah
00:49:17we came here looking for something what do you know about v1
00:49:23you come to the right place
00:49:33here you go
00:49:37oh yeah vod yanked that one from newsstands after kent state
00:49:43good times how'd you end up with it some old
00:49:46bitch on ebay i paid 20 bucks i mean it'd go for half a mil at auction easy
00:49:59yeah dr vaught was a was a titan a visionary he was a pansy with a german accent and sweaty
00:50:05palms
00:50:06he was a complicated guy
00:50:16do you or do you not have v1
00:50:21i don't but bombsite does he does that piece of still alive yeah he was my best customer for a
00:50:30long
00:50:30time what makes you think he has it one night he was tweaked out of his gourd and he told
00:50:34me he has
00:50:34some and i believe him where is he me and bombsite are so cool why don't we all just hang
00:50:38out for a
00:50:39second and i'll call him he'll fly right over
00:50:49let's get this up in bogota where you're taking a pass i mean for the soldier boy nothing but the
00:50:55best
00:51:02oh no i actually hate weed i just pretend to like it from my brand so i can sell ashtrays
00:51:07to suckers
00:51:10um yo homelander uh you want to hit this it is my life goal to smoke you out homie
00:51:20don't call me that homelander it's good to see you again
00:51:30do i know you yeah uh we met like six times malchemical make deadly gases did that whole campaign
00:51:37with gasx that's embarrassing homelander's still as weird as he was when i was there
00:51:47well i wasn't there back then but yes let's get this one one time at ledue misha barton wanted to
00:51:53suck him off right he spent two hours talking to her about nietzsche then left when she stepped on his
00:51:58cape oh that cape like a baby with a blanket pretty sure he jerks off into it probably why it's
00:52:04so stiff
00:52:04huh say that again oh can't you take a fucking joke
00:52:15say it again
00:52:18i thought as much if bombsite's not coming i'm leaving no he's on his way be here any minute i
00:52:23swear
00:52:27nah i'm done
00:52:31oh shit by the way hey i heard you all and i want you all to know that very soon
00:52:38gentlemen
00:52:38you are going to pay for your sick posts and your hateful memes especially the memes
00:52:48no no no no it was camale and seth's idea what i was against you it was he was
00:52:53fucking his idea man if he is just sucking your dick so you can help his shitty fucking career
00:52:57take them okay shut up i'll take them out for you right now really yeah you want to take me
00:53:01bitch i'm fucking yoke shut up okay 14 you're making this worse everybody stop we really should
00:53:07round up michael cera
00:53:10home letter sorry quick question what oh for fuck's sake
00:53:23who's memorable now what the fuck easy easy easy can we fuck off please
00:53:27show up mcgruber everything is cool hey man we don't have a problem with you honest but but but
00:53:31fuck this fucking guy you know he fucked my life if you help us get rid of him then we
00:53:37all win and you
00:53:38you can have the seven and i don't even like really care if you bring me back or whatever i
00:53:42don't need
00:53:43to kill him to get the seven no yeah of course not but what about all that creepy shit he's
00:53:46doing
00:53:46with that church i mean they're rounding up everybody cool all the hookers the drug dealers
00:53:51they want to ban porn i mean they want to ban fucking abortions okay well banning abortion would
00:53:57be a big problem for me personally exactly for all of us so if we kill him we can stop
00:54:02worrying about
00:54:02being cops or or gods or asexual weirdos you know we can go back to fucking and and being awesome
00:54:10look we know you've got that fucked up chest blast thing i mean i was at hero gas and i
00:54:14saw it
00:54:15just finish him now take away his powers so we can curb stomp him while we have the chance
00:54:27he is a fucking asexual weirdo yeah yeah but as much as it pains me to say this
00:54:33he's my fucking asexual weirdo
00:54:41nobody fucks my son but me what that came out wrong
00:54:46god oh
00:54:58Oh, fuck.
00:55:01Fuck!
00:55:05What the fuck?
00:55:08Damn it, Trey, I don't need to stick to acting.
00:55:10I'll just fuck my shit up.
00:55:13Soldier boy!
00:55:17911, what's your emergency?
00:55:19Yeah, please send police right now.
00:55:20I don't know the address.
00:55:22Do you know the address?
00:55:23I don't know the address.
00:55:24Oh, fuck.
00:55:25Fuck.
00:55:25Don't kill me.
00:55:26Shut up.
00:55:26Shut up.
00:55:27I'm not going to kill you.
00:55:28I'm going to get you out of here, but you need to do exactly as I say.
00:55:38Go.
00:55:38Go.
00:55:44Fuck!
00:56:03What you do to me, man?
00:56:05Seth.
00:56:07Fuck.
00:56:08Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
00:56:09Is it bad?
00:56:11Well, uh, I didn't mean to.
00:56:13I don't want to die, man.
00:56:15It's going to be okay.
00:56:17I'll remember you every time I watch An American Pickle.
00:56:21What?
00:56:32I don't want to die.
00:56:37I don't want to die.
00:56:41I don't want to die.
00:56:41I don't want to die.
00:56:41I don't want to die.
00:56:42I don't want to die.
00:56:42I don't want to die.
00:56:43I don't want to die.
00:56:43I don't want to die.
00:56:45I don't want to die.
00:56:46I don't want to die.
00:56:49I don't want to die.
00:57:05Does bombsite really have it?
00:57:07Fuck you.
00:57:08I'm going to rip your balls off and stuff them down your throat.
00:57:11That'd be like trying to shove two grapefruits through a garden hose.
00:57:15Does bombsite have the V1s?
00:57:21Yes, yes, okay, yes, that part was true, I swear to fucking God, man.
00:57:24He's got it.
00:57:25Where is he?
00:57:26I don't know.
00:57:26Where the fuck is he?
00:57:27I don't know, I haven't talked to him in like five years, I swear, man.
00:57:29I swear to God, please.
00:57:31Oh, fuck.
00:57:44What happened?
00:57:46I took care of it.
00:57:50Why?
00:57:52Because fuck them.
00:57:55That's why.
00:57:57I don't think this micro prick was lying.
00:58:00Bombsite has to be one.
00:58:01You just got to find him.
00:58:04Also, um...
00:58:08I've been fucking firecracker.
00:58:12But out of respect for you, that's, uh, that's done.
00:58:18Plus what pillow talk was, getting to be a real drag.
00:58:22Pillow talk?
00:58:26Pillow talk?
00:58:43Home Lander.
00:59:00Home Lander.
00:59:00How was L.A.?
00:59:03Did you catch Annette's truth bomb?
00:59:06I did indeed.
00:59:07And it was a real barn burner.
00:59:10Well done.
00:59:10Thank you, sir.
00:59:12That means the world.
00:59:14How's sex with my father?
00:59:19Is he good at it?
00:59:21Are you thinking about me
00:59:24when you're making love to him?
00:59:28I never meant to cross a line or offend you.
00:59:32No, no, no.
00:59:32Don't fret, little one.
00:59:34I don't care about the sex.
00:59:36Really.
00:59:38But I do care about your little chats after sex.
00:59:41Sir, whatever soldier boy told you, I can assure you that I-
00:59:44You mean, uh, your inner turmoil?
00:59:47When it comes to me and, uh...
00:59:52Jesus.
00:59:53Are you thinking of Jesus when you're praising me?
00:59:56No, you are my one and only savior.
01:00:00You say that, but your jagged little heart is whirring like a hummingbird.
01:00:09You're supposed to worship me.
01:00:12Love me.
01:00:13And me alone.
01:00:15I do.
01:00:15I...
01:00:16I believed in you.
01:00:18Turns out...
01:00:20You don't believe in me.
01:00:25I need you to collect your things.
01:00:28And leave.
01:00:32But I do believe in you.
01:00:34I love you.
01:00:36I am the only one here who ever has.
01:00:39I gave you everything.
01:00:41I gave you my soul.
01:00:43And everybody else here, they're just...
01:00:46They're just scared of you.
01:00:47Or they want something from you.
01:00:49But I...
01:00:50Have always loved you...
01:00:52For you.
01:00:54Just the strongest...
01:00:58Smartest...
01:00:58Best man on earth.
01:01:00Hm.
01:01:01Man.
01:01:02No, no, no, no, no.
01:01:03God, no, no.
01:01:05The...
01:01:05God.
01:01:07My Lord.
01:01:08That look you used to get when you'd suck on me.
01:01:12I felt like Mother Mary herself.
01:01:15I felt blessed...
01:01:17To nourish someone as...
01:01:20Important as you.
01:01:26But nothing I ever did was good enough, was it?
01:01:29You cast me out into the cold.
01:01:32Which was so much worse than never feeling your warmth in the first place.
01:01:37So all I have been trying to do...
01:01:39Is to get you to see me the way that you used to.
01:01:44Hell, the only reason I was with Soldier Boy was because your...
01:01:47Reflected light...
01:01:50Is better than no light at all.
01:01:53Please, sir.
01:01:56I love you.
01:01:58We all need love, don't we?
01:02:00But...
01:02:03Even God...
01:02:47Hooray for Hollywood
01:02:49That screwy ballyhoo-y Hollywood
01:02:52Where any office for your young mechanic
01:02:55Can be a panic
01:02:57With just a good-looking pant
01:02:59And any barmaid can be a star maid
01:03:04If she dances with or without a fan
01:03:07Hooray for Hollywood
01:03:08Where you're terrific if you're even good
01:03:11Where anyone at all from Shirley Temple
01:03:15To Amy Semple is equally understood
01:03:19Go out and try your luck
01:03:21You might be Donald Duck
01:03:23Hooray for Hollywood
01:03:42You might be here before you go
01:03:43Here's where you're looking at
01:03:43When I'm out of time
01:03:59But you're not
01:04:03Hooray for Hollywood
01:04:04That phony super coney Hollywood
01:04:08They come from Chillicotties and Paducas
01:04:11With their bazookas to get their names up in lights
01:04:15All armed with photos from local rotos
01:04:19With their hair and ribbon and legs and tights
01:04:22Hooray for Hollywood
01:04:23You may be homely in your neighborhood
01:04:27But if you think that you can be an actor
01:04:30See Mr. Factor, he'll make a monkey look good
01:04:34Within a half an hour you'll look like Tyrone Power
01:04:39Hooray for Hollywood
01:04:46Hooray for Hollywood
01:04:59To be continued...
01:05:00Wew gonna draw together
01:05:13You
01:05:14You
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