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00:03Madison Square Garden, please welcome to the stage, Debra Vance!
00:21Hi.
00:23Make me back, bitch!
00:25You hunky asshole!
00:27We want our money back!
00:29You're not funny!
00:56I'm a DSA member!
00:58What?
00:58No!
00:59There's nobody here!
01:00What's going on?
01:01You okay?
01:02Yeah.
01:03Yeah, I think so.
01:05Oh.
01:06Oh.
01:07Why do you have a bat?
01:08I thought the proletariat was rising up and giving you what you deserved, and I was going
01:12to decide what side I was on when I got here.
01:14No, it was a dream.
01:15It was a nightmare.
01:16I was on stage.
01:18Wait, I thought we weren't allowed to talk about our dreams.
01:19No, there's a rule that you're not allowed to talk about your dreams.
01:23Okay.
01:23So there I was.
01:24I was at Madison Square Garden.
01:25I was on the stage.
01:26I looked down.
01:27I am completely naked.
01:30I look out in the audience, and everyone, everyone is my sister.
01:34And she kind of laughs, and then my teeth started falling out.
01:38Okay.
01:39That's clearly an anxiety dream.
01:41You're just stressed about the garden.
01:42It's okay.
01:43We just need to keep working on the material.
01:45I know.
01:45Your outfit?
01:46No.
01:47I said material.
01:48I know.
01:48I need to start picking up fabrics.
01:50I've got to talk to my stylist.
01:51I mean, that's why I was naked.
01:53You know?
01:53Although, I looked incredible.
01:56Okay.
01:57Yeah.
01:57Whoo!
01:58All right.
01:58I'm going to call my stylist and put together some looks.
02:02All right.
02:03Good night.
02:04Ah, Jesus Christ.
02:06Okay.
02:06Do you have any Klonopin up here?
02:08My heart is racing like a jackrabbit.
02:14Incredible.
02:16Okay.
02:22Every day, it's getting closer.
02:26Going faster than a roller coaster.
02:29Love like yours will surely come my head.
02:33Oh!
02:35Fuck!
02:38Who the fuck, Ty?
02:39You gotta drive!
02:43What the fuck?
02:46Ow!
02:48Fuck!
02:48Ow!
02:49My boba!
02:51Oh, shit!
02:55Ow!
02:56Ow!
02:58Ow!
02:58Ow!
03:01Ow!
03:02Ow!
03:10I got hit by one of those self-driving cars.
03:12You know, we never got to vote on that.
03:14They just started showing up.
03:15I would have voted no.
03:18Anyway, they, um, they asked if I could, uh, have someone pick me up in case I take the
03:22Vicodin they gave me, which I definitely already did.
03:24So...
03:25Oh, honey, I can't.
03:26I, I'm...
03:28I'm, I'm at Miraval in Arizona.
03:30In fact, I'm in a towel.
03:31I'm about to step into the sauna.
03:33What?
03:34Yeah, we're trying to poach their spa director for the new casino.
03:37So, you know, Damien and I made a quick trip.
03:39Oh.
03:40Okay.
03:41All right.
03:42Never mind.
03:43Hey, I could send DJ.
03:44But just a warning.
03:45She might take a while.
03:46You know, she's only comfortable making right terms.
03:48It's okay.
03:48It's okay.
03:49I'm, I'm getting another call.
03:50I'll figure it out.
03:50Okay, bye.
03:53Meryl Marco.
03:54What is up?
03:55Are you in L.A.?
03:56No.
03:57Uh, why?
03:58I just saw Deborah run a red light in Beverly Hills about two minutes ago and I was hoping
04:02maybe you were here.
04:03Well, uh, Deborah's not in Beverly Hills.
04:05I literally just talked to her.
04:06She's in Arizona.
04:07So...
04:08That was definitely her.
04:09Blonde beehive hairdo.
04:11Rolls Royce with a diva plate.
04:13Listen, uh, remember the last time I saw you, I loaned you my umbrella.
04:17Would you send it to me?
04:18But only DHL.
04:19I don't know what is going on with the post office at this point.
04:22And don't get me started on FedEx.
04:24Copy that.
04:25No problem.
04:25I'll send it your way.
04:26Well, it's nice to hear from you.
04:28You good?
04:28Not really.
04:29Bye.
04:33Okay.
04:40Good morning.
04:41Oh, hi.
04:43Oh, how's your arm?
04:45Oh, it's fine.
04:46Uh, how was Miraval?
04:48Oh.
04:49Orgasmic.
04:50Really?
04:51Did you wanna...
04:51Deborah, Diana is here.
04:53Oh, good.
04:53Good.
04:54Send her in.
04:54You're psychic?
04:55No, no.
04:56I had to bring in the big guns to help me decide what to wear at MSG.
04:59My stylists were a flopperino.
05:01Deb!
05:03Die!
05:03Oh!
05:04Look at you.
05:05You look like a million bucks.
05:07Hey, Red.
05:07Thank you so much for coming.
05:09We're gonna get you a nice outfit, okay?
05:12Aha!
05:13The Six of Cups.
05:14We are going into the past, Deb.
05:17Vintage!
05:18Oh, I've been thinking new.
05:19It should be old.
05:21Oh.
05:22I'm getting a vision.
05:24Here she goes.
05:25You're wearing white, Deb.
05:27And you look like an angel.
05:29White dress?
05:31Okay.
05:31Nope.
05:32Slacks.
05:34And sparkles up the wazoo.
05:37Oh, my God.
05:38Does it have a white chiffon beaded top?
05:45Yes!
05:46Oh, my God.
05:47That...
05:47That is Carol Burnett's look from her final show.
05:51This is perfect.
05:52I mean, not only is it a piece of comedy history,
05:54I'll be referencing one of my heroes.
05:56Is it this?
05:57That's it.
05:58Ecolo.
05:59That is the exact thing I saw.
06:01Yes, yes.
06:02God, I'm good.
06:02So you want me to track it down?
06:03No.
06:04No need.
06:05All of Carol's looks were designed by Bob Mackie.
06:09Shig.
06:10Call Bob M.
06:14Hello?
06:15Bobby, it's Deb.
06:16Sorry for the cold call.
06:17I mean, you know how I'm doing the garden later this year?
06:19Oh!
06:20Yeah, I need a jumpsuit.
06:21Deb, if I do something for you, I gotta do something for Cher.
06:25Then the next thing you know, Sabrina Carpenter is outside my door with a sewing machine and a gun.
06:30I don't need a new design.
06:31Do you remember Carol's white look from her final episode?
06:35Of course.
06:36I had it for years, but I donated it to a charity auction.
06:40Do you remember who won it?
06:41It was actually one of your fellow stand-up comics, but I shouldn't say who.
06:45Rosie O'Donnell?
06:46No.
06:47Rita Rudner?
06:47No.
06:48Kelly Kilpatrick?
06:50I couldn't say.
06:52Oh yeah, I heard.
06:54Kelly fucking Kilpatrick.
06:57That stupid bitch hates me.
06:59I never know why.
07:01Um, you were pretty mean to her after she came out of the VMAs.
07:04I believe the exact quote was,
07:06she should go back into the closet and pick something else.
07:11Okay, fine.
07:12Just, you know, that's probably where the weird energy started.
07:15We'll just have to win her over.
07:18Damien, book my apology booth at Spago's!
07:22Oh, by the way, I had a client who paid me in salami.
07:25Do you guys want some?
07:27I think it's pretty good.
07:29Smells good.
07:36Hey, should we have mimosas and be bad?
07:41What do you want, Deb?
07:42I just wanted to clear the air.
07:45From when you called my daytime show Oprah for Racists?
07:48I didn't say that.
07:50Oh, you did.
07:51You also said Kelly's show is like if the L word stood for lame.
07:54Well, what I should have said was,
07:57you're like if the L word stood for lovely.
08:01Uh-huh.
08:03So, you're doing the carton.
08:06Yeah, yeah.
08:07Hope they have enough wheelchair ramps for your fans.
08:10Or just cut out the middleman live streaming directly into hospices.
08:15Oh, Kelly, you, you, you still got it.
08:22Deborah.
08:23So sorry to interrupt.
08:25I'm a huge fan.
08:26Uh, but someone left their phone in the car again.
08:30I thought it was in my bag.
08:32Sorry, Kelly, this is Ava, Ava, Kelly.
08:34Hi, nice to meet you.
08:35I'm sure you get this all the time, but when you guest starred as Lieutenant Lavandra Pax on Star Trek
08:39The Next Generation,
08:40it was like the first time I actually saw myself on screen.
08:43Well, that's not the first time I've heard that, but I, I thank you.
08:47Uh, oh my God, Deborah, is that coffee?
08:50It's decaf.
08:51Is it?
08:51No.
08:53You know if you have caffeine this late, you won't sleep.
08:56And if you don't sleep, I don't sleep.
08:58She has been having the worst nightmares.
09:00And then I wake up, and I can't get back to sleep.
09:02And I get the night sweats anyway, but I've never been able to sleep completely nude,
09:05because, you know, pajama pants give me really bad rash.
09:09Honey, honey, we're about to eat.
09:11Sorry.
09:12Really nice to meet you.
09:23What?
09:24I should have known.
09:26I am so sorry.
09:29That's okay.
09:31For, for...
09:32No wonder you've been so bitter and frustrated and jealous all these years.
09:38It is so obvious.
09:39What's so obvious?
09:41That you're gay.
09:44I'm...
09:48Gay.
09:49Deb, I'm so sorry that I didn't realize sooner.
09:53And you know what?
09:53That's on me.
09:54Yeah.
09:55Because it must have been so hard for you watching me live my truth out and proud.
09:59But look, if you don't want to talk about it here, I get it.
10:04Right.
10:05Hey, what are you doing this weekend?
10:07I-I-I don't know.
10:09Um, why?
10:10Well, why don't you come up to our place in Montecito for the weekend and we'll catch up.
10:14Huh?
10:15We'll really talk.
10:17And bring your girlfriend.
10:18She is adorable.
10:21Oh.
10:24We're there.
10:26Ha ha.
10:27Hey, let's get those mimosas.
10:28Yeah.
10:29I need one.
10:32By the way, who to wife?
10:34Um, her name's Monica.
10:36She's younger.
10:37Um, you'd think she was a gold digger.
10:39But now apparently she has family money.
10:42Okay.
10:43Wonder bread.
10:44Oh.
10:45Cha-ching.
10:58Is that Damien again?
11:00Yeah.
11:01Okay, I'm not trying to be annoying, but I feel like you're hiding something from me.
11:05I don't know what you're talking about.
11:07I don't know what you're talking about.
11:07You're being paranoid.
11:09Okay, well, Meryl Marco said she saw you in Beverly Hills when you told me you were at
11:13Miraval.
11:13So.
11:15Well, Meryl's confused.
11:17And I'm not being dishonest.
11:19Okay.
11:20Oh, by the way, Kelly Kilpatrick thinks I'm gay and you're my secret wife, so we have to
11:24spend the weekend pretending to be a lesbian lover so I can get that Carol Burnett jumpsuit.
11:28What?
11:30Welcome, girls.
11:31Who's ready for a naughty little weekend?
11:33Me!
11:35Come.
11:38And this is the living room.
11:40Oh.
11:41Wow.
11:41Kelly, this is absolutely beautiful.
11:44That's stunning.
11:44Yeah.
11:45Thanks.
11:46Hi.
11:47Hi.
11:48Oh, gosh.
11:49Hi.
11:50Hi.
11:51Welcome, lovebirds.
11:53We're so excited to have you girls staying with us.
11:57Deb, Ava, this is my muse, my treasure, and thanks to the Ontario government since 2013.
12:042013?
12:05My wife.
12:08Deborah, come here.
12:11Oh.
12:13Deborah, enchanté.
12:14Merci.
12:15Casual.
12:16Casual.
12:16It's so nice.
12:17And you must be Ava.
12:19Guilty.
12:20Hi.
12:22Hi.
12:22Wow.
12:23You smell so good.
12:24And, uh, beautiful posture.
12:26Oh.
12:28Once a ballerina, always a ballerina.
12:31Darren Aronofsky dedicated Black Swan to me.
12:33Oh, wow.
12:34That was messy.
12:36Oh, wow.
12:37Well, uh, let me, let me show you to your room.
12:40This way.
12:41Okay.
12:42I know it's a hike, but it's worth it.
12:45I'm sure.
12:47The cream room.
12:49It's lovely.
12:49Well, good.
12:50You enjoy yourselves, girls.
12:52Thanks, Kelly.
12:52And if you need anything, just holler.
12:55Absolutely.
12:56Mm-hmm.
12:59Deborah, this is fucking insane.
13:01I am not pretending to be a lesbian couple with you.
13:04I need that jumpsuit.
13:05Please, it means a lot to me.
13:07I guess it wouldn't be too bad to spend some time with the wife.
13:09Call me Chandler, because I'm gonna fuck Monica.
13:13You're my girlfriend.
13:15Do not flirt with her and blow up my spot.
13:17You and I are in a committed, loving relationship.
13:21You're sleeping in the tub.
13:22I am not sleeping in the tub, okay?
13:25You know what?
13:26If you want me to do this, you gotta give me a thousand dollars.
13:29Yeah.
13:33I should have added more.
13:39Sorry.
13:40Forgot to say Negroni's at six.
13:42Ah.
13:51Give me an extra $500.
13:54Get in the tub.
13:59Oh, it's so nice having drinkers over.
14:02Nobody really parties anymore.
14:04It's true.
14:05It's true.
14:06It's so sad.
14:07I mean, we celebrate our friend's sobriety.
14:10But we also mourn it.
14:14You poor thing.
14:16What happened?
14:18Sports injury?
14:20I love jocks.
14:21Uh, she dated Dean Cain at Princeton.
14:24This one was daydreaming and got hit by one of those self-driving cars.
14:28Oh, really?
14:29I was looking for a girl whose looks stopped traffic.
14:32Instead, I got one that gets plowed over by it.
14:35Don't have to forgive Debra.
14:37She's always a little grumpy when this hand is out of commission.
14:40Oh.
14:42Well, you know, if you need help with anything this weekend.
14:49Yeah, I can think of a few things.
14:51Ava?
14:51Watch out, Deb. Monica likes redheads.
14:54Did you know that redheads actually need more anesthesia during this weekend?
14:58Kelly, that blazer is fabulous.
15:01Is it vintage?
15:02Yeah.
15:02You know, Murph Griffin actually used to own this.
15:05No.
15:05I haven't tangled, of course, but I think it's got a kicky vibe.
15:08Kelly has a whole walk-in for her vintage Hollywood collection.
15:12Really?
15:13I would love a tour.
15:14Well, maybe we'll do that after dinner, but how did you two meet?
15:19Oh.
15:19Oh, that's a boring story.
15:20Is it?
15:20I disagree, my love.
15:23I'll tell it.
15:24So, we were actually set up by our mutual friend, Jimmy, who just knew we would hit it off.
15:29And we actually met for the first time at Deborah's house, because obviously we needed to keep it very hush
15:33-hush, very discreet.
15:36And, yeah, she hated me.
15:38Doc Martens, no makeup, always talking about transit and public housing.
15:43And, you know, we just kind of went back and forth, back and forth.
15:46The connection was undeniable, but I think our spark is in our fighting that we be bigger.
15:52It comes into play in the bedroom a lot, too, as well.
15:55Isn't that right, Deb?
15:56Anyway, we were fighting like dogs, and I just left.
16:01I up and left.
16:02And, uh, she came chasing after me.
16:04I was halfway down her driveway in my car, and she cut me off on her Rolls Royce and insisted
16:09that I stay, and so I did.
16:11I mean, how could I refuse?
16:12Ooh, hi.
16:13We've been together ever since.
16:15Doesn't it just feel like yesterday, Deb?
16:18Yeah, sweetie.
16:19Sometimes it feels like a hundred years.
16:21Aw.
16:25Give me a kiss, baby.
16:38Someone's shy.
16:39Oh, come on.
16:40Come on.
16:40Come on.
16:41You weren't so shy on the car ride up.
16:45Come on.
17:03Ooh.
17:04That's my girl.
17:05I love it.
17:06Yeah.
17:08We're really happy.
17:21What are you doing in here?
17:24Just, uh, I was just looking for a bathroom.
17:27Uh, there is an ensuite in your bedroom.
17:30Yeah, I just, you know, want to keep the spark alive.
17:33Wow.
17:39I couldn't imagine the spark ever going out with you.
17:47You know, Kelly and I, um, we're open.
17:54That's been a powerful information.
17:56Are you and Debra?
17:58Are you and Debra?
17:59Are me and Debra in an open relationship?
18:01We are not.
18:03We are not.
18:04I have to say no.
18:06I have to say no.
18:10But that pause, it tells me you want to be.
18:15I will say that I'm attracted to other women.
18:18I like that.
18:20But let's circle back on that.
18:24Do you want to see our chicken coop?
18:27Is that a euphemism?
18:29No, it's a real coop.
18:30Oh, sure, yeah.
18:31I would love to.
18:32Yeah.
18:34Come on.
18:41Oh, my God.
18:43Kelly, this is incredible.
18:45It's like a life's work.
18:47I know.
18:48Debbie Reynolds almost outbid me on the Vitamita Vegeman dress,
18:51but I am vicious with a petal.
18:54Oh, what is this little white number?
18:56It doesn't look familiar.
18:58It's from Carol's last show.
19:00Of course.
19:01Yeah.
19:01It's cute.
19:02I mean, I would take it off your hands, you know,
19:05if you wanted to sell it.
19:06Yeah, right.
19:07And the really undervalued piece is Bette Midler's dress
19:10from Carson's last show.
19:12I know you're going to want to see that.
19:13No.
19:14I mean, sure, yeah.
19:15But this little white number, we...
19:17Come on, Deb.
19:18Keep up.
19:18A lot more to see.
19:22Hey, Damien.
19:23How are you?
19:24Is it an emergency?
19:25You've called me, like, ten times.
19:27No, no emergency.
19:28I was just wondering, um, yeah,
19:30how did the trip to Miravol with Deborah go?
19:32We haven't gone yet.
19:33That's next week.
19:34So she wasn't there last Tuesday.
19:36She is lying to me.
19:37God, I thought we were past this.
19:39Okay, I refuse to get involved in whatever this is.
19:41By the way, where are you guys?
19:43We're in Montecito at Kelly Kilpatrick's mansion.
19:46We're pretending to be a couple
19:46so we can swindle her out of an old jumpsuit.
19:48It's actually really gorgeous out here.
19:50I mean...
19:52Damien?
19:53He's gone.
19:59You think chapstick lesbian is butcher than soft butch?
20:02Yes!
20:03Oh, God, these kids, they love their little categories.
20:05I mean, back in our days, it was just butcher femme.
20:08Or big lesbos.
20:11I'm kidding, I'm sorry.
20:13I mean, labels are stupid.
20:14Unless, of course, it's Poochie.
20:18Thank you so much.
20:19Okay, she's had enough.
20:20Oh, have I here?
20:21Yes.
20:21I think I'm fine, thank you.
20:23Oh, Kelly showed me her collection.
20:25She has this gorgeous jumpsuit that Carol wore.
20:27I think we're about the same size.
20:29Oh, let's not talk about that collection.
20:31She's always talking about that collection.
20:33Let's talk about something fun.
20:36I don't know.
20:37Deborah, do you strap?
20:41Um, strap?
20:42Oh, leave my pillow princess alone.
20:45No.
20:46Really?
20:47Yeah.
20:48Really?
20:49Deb.
20:50Interesting.
20:51I'm particular about my pillows, yes.
20:53I'm a Cortina, soft, down kind of girl.
20:58What?
21:00She's joking.
21:01Obviously, Deborah knows that a pillow princess is someone
21:04who only likes to receive pleasure during sex.
21:06That is not true.
21:07No, no.
21:08I do plenty in bed.
21:09Oh.
21:10You know, lesbionically.
21:11No, this is the lazy one.
21:13Oh, yeah.
21:13I'm the lazy one.
21:14No, you're right.
21:15She does love eating my ass.
21:18Oh, I'm always looking behind me going,
21:20Oh, quit chowing down on that thing.
21:22It ain't groceries.
21:24Tell me more.
21:25Oh, yeah.
21:25We've been doing shibari.
21:27That's rope play.
21:28Yeah.
21:28So she'll kind of tie me up, hang me from the damn ceiling
21:30like a chandelier.
21:31We know Sia.
21:33There's a voice I always chose.
21:37Huh?
21:39Coming through.
21:50Come and dance a quick.
21:57Look at our girls.
22:00Deborah.
22:03Come on.
22:05Huh?
22:05No.
22:05Come and dance with her.
22:06No.
22:06Come on, Deborah.
22:07No.
22:08Oh, my God.
22:09She's lumber.
22:11Be a good little kitty cat.
22:13Come on, Deb.
22:14Oh, OK.
22:14Oh, OK.
22:15Oh, OK.
22:17OK.
22:18OK.
22:18OK.
22:21Let's see those moves.
22:23Oh.
22:25Deborah Vance, your little petunia.
22:28Such good hips.
22:29Oh, thank you.
22:32Oh, gosh.
22:34OK.
22:37Shall we hot tub?
22:38I think it's getting a little too late for that.
22:40I mean, and, sweetie, you said you were getting tired.
22:44No, actually.
22:45No.
22:46I'm feeling really awake.
22:47Yeah.
22:48I would love to hot tub.
22:50Well, unfortunately, I forgot to pack my suit.
22:53So did I.
23:01Come on, Deb.
23:03We're all dykes here.
23:19Oh, the stars are gorgeous tonight.
23:23Breathtaking, isn't it?
23:25It really is.
23:33Deb, I've been impressed with you.
23:36Your special, the free speech crusade you got going standing up against Bob Lipko.
23:42Now, you really grew up here.
23:45And when I read you spend a night in jail, I did a spit take.
23:48Oh, yeah.
23:50How was jail?
23:51You know, I was a lesbian.
23:53It wasn't so bad.
23:55A lot of tough ladies working out all day long.
23:58When I was there, I thought, oh, I gotta save this for the old spank bank.
24:07So, what's everybody's first celebrity crush?
24:10Mine?
24:11Lola Bunny from Space Jam.
24:13I was beating my meat hard to that girl every night.
24:18Good night.
24:20What the hell is wrong with you?
24:22Excuse me?
24:23You have been way out of line all night.
24:25What?
24:26You should be thanking me.
24:27I was saving your straight ass.
24:29Don't you dare bring up ASS after you said I ate it!
24:32You will not turn this around on me.
24:34You brought me here under false pretenses, which isn't surprising,
24:36because I know you were lying.
24:37I have confirmation that you were in Beverly Hills last week.
24:40What, are you tracking me?
24:42I actually wasn't, but that's not the point.
24:44I thought we were finally being honest with each other.
24:46Well, we're clearly not, since you're secretly spying on my whereabouts.
24:50Okay, fine. Whatever.
24:52I'm going straight to tub.
24:53Good.
24:53Fine. Sleep tight.
24:58Oh, fuck it.
25:12Oh, sorry.
25:13I love a midnight snack.
25:17I'm having some amazing strawberries and creme fraiche.
25:20Do you want one?
25:21Uh-huh.
25:22Oh, good.
25:31Open up.
25:36Hmm.
25:40Kelly and I just got in a fight.
25:42Same with me and Deborah.
25:44It's so hard to be with these dominant women who always get their way.
25:49Tell me about it.
25:52Wow, look at us.
25:56Two trophy wives.
26:01Do you ever wonder if late at night, when they're all alone on the shelf, those trophies get to playing
26:12with each other?
26:14Like Toy Story?
26:17Exactly like Toy Story.
26:23Oh.
26:28I was just getting, uh, water.
26:36Good night.
26:48How dare you cheat on me!
26:50I am not cheating on you, because we are not in a relationship. It's a lie, which is your specialty!
26:55Well, if you fuck that nympho trophy wife and Kelly finds out, I will never get that jumpsuit!
26:59That's not true, because Kelly and Monica are open!
27:02Well, we are monogamous!
27:05What?!
27:05That's what works for me!
27:08Is everything all right in here?
27:10Oh, everything's fine.
27:12Ava?
27:15Are you okay?
27:19You know, when you're in a relationship with an older, more powerful woman, it's hard to find your voice.
27:25She is my voice!
27:26Deborah, calm down.
27:28Ava, sweetheart, how'd you really break your arm?
27:30A driverless car with no witnesses? It seems convenient.
27:34Oh, my God! I never hit her!
27:37Well, I did it this time!
27:39I'm just gonna say it because I don't think Ava feels safe saying it.
27:43But, Deborah, Ava wants to be ethically non-monogamous with you.
27:48No, she doesn't.
27:49Well, yes, I do, but that's not what this is about.
27:51All right, so, Ava, what is this about?
27:54Well, I'm upset because Deborah is clearly keeping something from me, and it hurts my feelings that she cannot be
28:00honest with me.
28:01Yeah, well, everything hurts your feelings.
28:02Yeah, hurtful things hurt my feelings, Deborah. Sue me!
28:05I have!
28:06Okay, okay.
28:08Monica and I have done a lot of couples, and right now, you two are in the red zone.
28:12So let's all take a breath, let's get some sleep, and maybe revisit this when your nervous systems have regulated,
28:18okay?
28:19Sure.
28:22Sorry.
28:23Okay.
28:23Ava.
28:26Goodnight.
28:48I hate when we go to bed angry.
28:51I've been in love, honey, you know it's true.
28:58Good morning.
28:59Hi.
29:02You a coffee person?
29:04Yeah, yeah.
29:04Please help yourself.
29:05Oh, I'm sorry.
29:06Oh, you got it.
29:07No, no, it's okay.
29:08How'd you sleep?
29:10Uh, not so well.
29:14Sorry about last night.
29:16Mind if I'm candid?
29:19Please.
29:21Well, it seems to me that Deborah has probably betrayed you in the past, and maybe the truth is that
29:29you're just not fully over it.
29:33And I think that maybe you might be trying to heal that betrayal by oversharing incredibly intimate graphic details about
29:46your relationship and demanding to know everything about Deborah's life.
29:51Yeah, you might be right.
29:54Well, sometimes oversharing is a means of forcing intimacy because you're afraid the other person will withhold it from you.
30:03Yeah, I mean, I guess I do share too much.
30:06I don't know.
30:07I just wish that she wouldn't keep so many walls up after all this time.
30:12The people we love oftentimes are fundamentally different than us.
30:17And for someone like Deborah, letting her guard down, that gives her the opposite feeling of safety.
30:26It's just different strokes, you know?
30:29Yeah.
30:31That makes a lot of sense.
30:36And once you accept this about her, you're both gonna have much deeper, much more intense orgasms together.
30:45Hope so.
30:49Here's to it.
30:52Thanks, Kelly.
30:53Anytime, babe.
30:58Hey.
31:00Hi.
31:03Coffee?
31:04Thanks.
31:14So listen, I wasn't fully honest with you.
31:17No, no.
31:18I shouldn't expect you to share every aspect of your life with me.
31:21I'm sorry I pushed.
31:22No, no.
31:23It's okay.
31:24It's okay.
31:24You were right.
31:25I wasn't at Miraval.
31:28I was in Beverly Hills.
31:32Having a medical procedure.
31:34They found a mass and I had it removed.
31:37Oh, my God.
31:37No, no.
31:38I'm fine.
31:38My mom did the exact same thing.
31:40She had a kidney removed and she didn't tell me.
31:42Why do people do that?
31:43Because of reactions like this.
31:45Trust me.
31:46I'm fine.
31:47I'm fine.
31:49But I knew you'd worry again.
31:51So, look, here's the...
31:53Here's the doctor's email.
31:57This is your white blood cell count now?
31:59Yes.
31:59Totally in normal range.
32:00Cholesterol's a little high.
32:01Okay.
32:02So is everybody's.
32:03Trust me.
32:04I'm fine.
32:05Are you sure?
32:06Yes.
32:10Okay.
32:10Well, thanks for telling me.
32:12I just don't like talking about everything all the time like you do.
32:20Yeah.
32:20Well, I should probably keep some things to myself.
32:23And I should probably be more forthcoming.
32:28Starting with telling Monica and Kelly the truth.
32:33So we're breaking up?
32:35Yeah.
32:36Well, I, uh, hope we can still be friends.
32:40And, um, live together.
32:42And work together.
32:44And have complicated intermingled lives.
32:56Hey.
32:56Hi.
32:57Good morning.
32:58Good morning.
32:58Good morning.
32:58Good morning.
32:59Hi.
33:01Uh...
33:02It's, uh...
33:03I need to come clean with you two.
33:05Oh.
33:06Oh, well, of course.
33:07We're open to, you know, whatever you have to say.
33:11Of course.
33:12The truth is...
33:14I'm not a lesbian.
33:16I-I-I-I've been lying to you.
33:17I've been lying this whole time.
33:18To endear myself to Kelly so that I could talk her into parting with the Carol Burnett jumpsuit.
33:27So that I could wear it when I play the garden.
33:33Because my psychic told me I had to.
33:36Oh, my God.
33:38Wow.
33:39Anyway, I-I-I am so sorry I lied.
33:42Wow.
33:43I respect your culture.
33:47Deb, after a full weekend of watching you and Ava, I think it is pretty obvious that you're in a
33:54relationship.
33:55It's just so sad that you cannot live your full truth.
33:59Let's get at least one thing out of the closet this weekend.
34:01You can have the fucking jumpsuit.
34:04Oh.
34:04But I'm not gonna play this game with you.
34:06Follow me upstairs to the closet.
34:09Get it and out.
34:10Yes, ma'am.
34:11Ms.
34:14She's so sad.
34:19Oh, it makes me feel sick.
34:27You know, uh, we had a lovely time and, um, now that you know that I'm not in a relationship,
34:33my email is MrAvaDaniels at gmail.com.
34:35Out!
34:38Go!
34:41God, they're tragic.
34:43At the end of the day, I'm rooting for them.
34:47My hopeless romantic.
34:50I love ya.
34:54Honey, let's adopt another disabled dog.
34:58Oh, baby.
34:59You know there's pads everywhere and you gotta put the things on the back.
35:02I know, I'm gonna put a pad on you.
35:04Don't, don't do that. You know I hate my putting that. Quit it, quit it.
35:08Well, that was easy.
35:10That was completely insane.
35:15You know, regardless of you being straight, we would never work as a couple.
35:19Oh, absolutely not. I'm out of your league.
35:23Hey, guess what?
35:30What?
35:34I stole their fancy cookies.
35:36Those aren't fancy. Those are Tates.
35:38They sell them everywhere.
35:40What are you talking about?
35:41They taste fancy.
35:42That's just because they're thin.
35:44That's what makes them fancy.
35:45Oh, come on. You're getting crumbs everywhere.
35:48These are so good, but they need milk. Can we stop the milk?
35:51What are you, nine?
35:51I must go.
35:52So, um, should I tell Damien and Josefina that we hook up?
35:56Or do you want to?
35:56What?
35:57That we cannot hook up.
35:59That road is home.
36:03That's a lonely sea bird.
36:05That's a lonely sea bird.
36:06You've been away from land too long.
36:12Oh, too long.
36:35Oh, too long.
36:40Oh, too long.
36:42Oh, too long.
36:45Beautiful.
36:47That's a lonely sea bird.
36:49Oh, too long.
36:50Oh, too long.
36:50Now I'm there.
36:53Oh, too long.
36:57You're the one night.
37:06You won't walk.
37:12You're the one night.
37:12Like an undied dog, you just have to run
37:20Like a lonely seabird
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