- 20 hours ago
Going Dutch - Season 2 - Episode 10: The Heart Locker
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TVTranscript
00:08Oh, my back. Oh, my God.
00:20Bacon.
00:24Come on, Bacon.
00:27I've defended my country my whole life.
00:30Please let me have this bacon.
00:34Something is definitely wrong.
00:35I mean, you know that the colonel thinks it's five minutes early.
00:37It's ten minutes late.
00:38I'm sure it's fine. It's only 8.03.
00:40It's 8.03?
00:42Oh, my God. He's probably dead.
00:43He's probably dead.
00:44I'm going to call him, right?
00:45I'm going to check on him.
00:45Yeah.
00:46Just, uh, double-check.
00:48Hello. No one is available.
00:50Of course, that went to the voicemail he's never set up.
00:53I'm going to go check on him.
00:54He's been putting a down payment on a heart attack for a while.
00:57Oh, last week he told me he was in his bacon era.
00:59I have been begging him to cut down to his lap every other day.
01:02Oh, my God, you're not dead.
01:09Just horribly injured.
01:11What happened?
01:12Come here.
01:13I've got something to tell you.
01:15Oh, Dad, Dad.
01:16I'm here.
01:17It's important.
01:18Yeah.
01:18Put the bacon in my mouth.
01:25No, floor bacon first.
01:28Floor bacon?
01:30I can't let the bacon win.
01:34Oh, yeah.
01:37Yeah.
01:38Ah, ah, ah, ah.
01:41Oh.
01:42Oh.
02:06rest up it's doctor's orders
02:08you know you slip a couple discs and all of a sudden the doctor is like at the top of
02:12the
02:12chain of command look the base is in good hands shaw and i are going to hold it down until
02:15you're
02:15up on your feet let's get you set up with that uh world war ii documentary you've been going on
02:21and on about unseen footage of american troops trashing hitler's hideout just let the doctor
02:25order i know there you go inside the bunker water meds anything else you need before i go now they're
02:30at the bunker do you need any more like shh shh that's the door they're opening the door they're
02:35going to the bunker inside the bunker oh my god these are the steps that lead down to the steps
02:40that lead down to the bunker inside the bunker i'm going to rewind ow ow
02:50oh hey i didn't know that you were going to be here working but that's cool that's very cool i'll
02:53just i'll just stick to my office you can work in here do you want to work in here i'm
02:56good i can go
02:57there you can i can be anywhere we can work in the same room i know that you didn't want
03:01to get
03:01romantically involved because you said it was unprofessional and i respect that so
03:05i'm cool if you're cool look we could that's great okay that's great yeah we're just uh
03:11we're just gonna keep it pro you know keep it pro keeping it pro we don't have to act on
03:14every
03:15feeling that we have no certainly not i mean if everyone did that the world would be complete
03:18chaos it'd be murdering all the time yeah sex on the streets right i mean i would be doing the
03:23murdering one that's what i would be doing if i had the choice between the two but we're just pros
03:27keeping it pro so just all right oh you want uh well you can all right no it's okay
03:44my answer phone uh hello major shah uh-huh um yeah okay uh-huh yep yep yep
03:55yeah uh-huh got it yes i will be right out
03:58looks like there's a report of a landmine in a nearby farm field so i should probably
04:01oh was that the weird farmer shah that crank calls like twice a week last time we were there you
04:05dug up
04:06sardine cans okay yeah yeah but i probably should just go make sure so i'll assemble an uxo team to
04:11take over there and you stay here um adios amiga okay that was terrible when locals find unexploded
04:19military devices they call the army so as the uxo team we've been tasked with sweeping for landmines
04:24at a local farm now as someone with extensive landmine diffusal experience i've worked with
04:29the best of the best you know the team from the hurt locker when they got scared they came to
04:33us
04:33and i've pretended to see that movie on so many dates okay well before we get into the nitty gritty
04:38of it all i assume you both read the training manual don't need a manual when you got a ruxo
04:43the what the robotic uxo the latest and greatest in landmine detection technology capable of using
04:50high-tech sonar to safely identify minds from every era of modern war also he's cute as hell
04:58i am ruxo i am ready to serve but i know what you're wondering can he dance wasn't wondering that
05:03i can dance i hacked his code five six seven eight i can dance i can dance that was really
05:14entertaining let's turn that off now beep boop uh very good ruxo great dancing but you're otherwise
05:19useless because unexpected problems always arise things a robot isn't programmed to do but i can
05:26make real-time adjustments in the field well the army is ordering us to use ruxo in any landmine
05:31clearing so okay fine we can bring private ruxo oh actually he's a major major same rank as me
05:39that's great i don't love that salute today we have the defact inventory check due so if it's cool
05:48with you guys and i'm so sorry to even ask you to do this because i know how annoying it
05:51could be
05:52and obviously let me know if it's too much but it would be so so awesome if you guys could
05:56handle
05:57that and if any issues arise obviously let me know but i don't think that there will be
06:01um would you guys be able to handle that sorry what you know what i'm just gonna do it i
06:07i will
06:08add that to my list so uh what do i do with these performance reviews that the colonel asked me
06:15to
06:15file the performance reviews of every soldier on the base i will i will go ahead and take care of
06:20that as well yeah absolutely get that off your plate thank you you're the best oh well uh you
06:26guys are um well dismissed i'm gonna go lay down okay bye gideon bye all right let's see what the
06:34uh
06:34colonel has to say about me all right um captain maggie quinn uh standout officer
06:45uh soldiers under her command gave her exemplary marks which proves that she is overly concerned
06:50with being liked what
07:00so what we're supposed to just sit here and watch wally work yeah yeah that's a good idea we should
07:05sit down and relax unbelievable oh major shock uh-huh cheesy puff i'm good uh stop pop a squat i'm
07:16gonna
07:16be standing okay oh that's weird our hero seems to be stuck in the mud
07:24help help help that's funny help ruxo is stuck in the mud and you know who's never been stuck in
07:29the mud me human me for a human you're not having much compassion right now imagine how scared he is
07:34out there what are we gonna do we can't leave a man behind that's like the one thing i know
07:39about
07:40the military it's not a man it's a machine that we're gonna be throwing away in the scrapyard very
07:43soon hello is this a 700 second eod company great this is major abraham shaw with usa g stroopstorf
07:50the robot that you're trying to replace me with is disabled in the field don't be don't be uh-huh
07:56okay yeah mm-hmm yes no thank you sir thank you okay so apparently ruxo cost two million dollars and
08:04i have been ordered to rescue him because his life is worth more than mine oh you said him that
08:11was so cute
08:23hello father you scared me i almost grabbed my couch pistol just checking to see if you need
08:28anything maybe water perhaps yeah that'd be great hon thanks it's important to stay hydrated yeah
08:35um thank you i can't why don't i fluff that pillow
08:45okay okay make sure you're comfortable yep oh ow ow ow ow ow oh
08:55is that better why are you going all full kathy bates and misery on me
09:02I'm just being a little bit of a jerk.
09:05I don't care about what you liked.
09:09You read your review.
09:10I read my review.
09:11That's classified.
09:13Coming from the man who said classified, more like assified.
09:17Your problem is that you hem and haw when you're supposed to be giving a direct order
09:20because you're afraid about your soldiers' healings.
09:23Feelings are a real thing, and they don't need air quotes.
09:26And I happen to believe that a relaxed workplace is a productive workplace.
09:31Are you an army captain or the manager of a Margaritaville?
09:34The people who work for you are not supposed to like you.
09:36They're supposed to hate you because you're the boss, okay?
09:39Plus, it's fun to be mean.
09:40You know what?
09:42You're right.
09:43What do you mean?
09:44Watch this.
09:46What the hell is that?
09:48Enjoy Real Housewives of Minnesota.
09:50Oh, no, no, no.
09:51No.
09:53These people, their accents are going to sound even stupider when they're drunk.
09:57No!
10:02Help me.
10:03Help me.
10:03It's okay, Ruxo.
10:04Help's on its way.
10:06Stay strong, Ruxo.
10:07Major Sean looks like a ninja turtle that let himself go.
10:10What?
10:11Oh, I said you look like a ninja turtle that's let himself go, sir.
10:16You do, Major.
10:17You do.
10:18Approaching the extraction point.
10:20Help me.
10:20Don't worry, Ruxo.
10:22Stepdaddy Sean is coming to save you.
10:24Help me.
10:24Okay.
10:25Ruxo, stop moving backwards.
10:27Advance towards me.
10:29I can dance.
10:30I said advance.
10:31I can dance.
10:33I said advance.
10:34I can dance.
10:35Listen to my words.
10:36You need to come towards me.
10:37Advance.
10:37Warning, landmine detected.
10:40Okay.
10:42Warning, landmine detected.
10:44Hey, guys.
10:44Hey, did Ruxo lie to the mood with a funny joke?
10:46Yeah, we saw y'all dancing.
10:48He's so funny, right?
10:49I'm on a landmine.
10:51Warning, landmine detected.
10:53I know!
10:55Specialist Gideon, you don't think I care too much about being liked, do you?
10:59This feels like a trap.
11:01Oh, no.
11:01I just want your honest feedback.
11:04Well, yeah, you do care too much about being liked.
11:08Okay.
11:10I appreciate that.
11:11I know it's hard to talk to a superior officer.
11:13Actually, since you asked, you wear too much deodorant.
11:16You slouch when you sit.
11:18Your taste in music is super dated.
11:20When you sing, there's no joy in your handwriting.
11:23It's super bubbly and immature.
11:25Okay, that's great.
11:26Thank you, Gideon.
11:27None of that was devastating.
11:29And you are dismissed.
11:30I need you to call Maggie, but don't tell her I'm in danger.
11:33I don't want to worry her.
11:34Just play it cool.
11:36But I don't want you to die.
11:38I don't want to see someone explode.
11:40Not again.
11:41Look, I don't want to die either.
11:42Just play it cool.
11:43That is an order.
11:45Okay.
11:50Captain Quinn.
11:51Hey, girl.
11:52How's my queen?
11:54I'm fine.
11:55What's up?
11:55So?
11:56Not an emergency.
11:58Yeah, we just found a landmine.
12:00Okay, but Shaw can diffuse it?
12:03Shaw told me to call you.
12:04He said the landmine's from the World War II era.
12:07We need an expert in weaponry from that time.
12:08Do you know anybody?
12:10The T-30 heavy tank was designed to counter the German Tiger I and Tiger II...
12:17Footage of the T-29, you morons.
12:20I got to fact check everybody.
12:22No, no one's come into mind.
12:24But I will find somebody for you guys.
12:26Well, I mean, take your time.
12:28Just grab some food if you want.
12:30Maybe some sushi and some cold ones and...
12:33Okay, girl, bye.
12:34Why would you tell her to stop for beers?
12:36I don't know.
12:38Shaw told me to play it cool.
12:39And I'm freaking out.
12:42Hold on, Shaw!
12:44Help is on the way!
12:45And they're bringing beer!
12:49I am ready to serve beer.
12:54Dietrich, this is Maggie, Maggie, Dietrich.
12:56Jan, thank you so much for bringing your great uncle in to help us out.
13:00My absolute pleasure.
13:01You know, he has big-time World War II knowledge because he's old and he lived it.
13:06Ja, ik heb zelfs met landmine te maken gehad.
13:10No, he dealt first hand with landmines.
13:12Oh, huh?
13:13I'm so sorry to hear that.
13:15Did you lose somebody to a mine?
13:18Nee, nee, hoor.
13:20Maar als jongen heb ik ze zelf gedecht.
13:23Okay, so when he was a boy, he helped place the landmines.
13:28Himself.
13:29Is there any chance your great uncle was a little Nazi collaborator?
13:34You know, I have never asked.
13:36He should ask.
13:37Okay.
13:38Uh, Dietrich?
13:39Hm?
13:40Was JN Nazi superfan?
13:42Ja.
13:43Okay.
13:45Ik wilde dat ze me aardig vonden, omdat ze de goede chocolade hadden.
13:49Okay, so yes, basically he wanted the Nazis to like him.
13:52He wanted the Nazis to like him.
13:54Yeah, because they had a good chocolate, you know.
13:56Ja.
13:56Uh, Jan, you can ask your great uncle to get off the base and never, ever, ever come back.
14:02Um, Dietrich, uh, come.
14:05Let's go, I just want chocolate.
14:06Ah, oh.
14:07De echte schoen al herkkoe chocolade.
14:09Ja.
14:09Ja, I got it.
14:10I'm so sorry, Maggie.
14:13Hey.
14:13Hey.
14:14Listen, after hanging out with a man who was once a boy who helped a Nazi, I am realizing the
14:20perils of needing to be liked.
14:22Tale is old this time.
14:23And you are going to help me disarm a World War II landmine.
14:27That's how you give an order.
14:30Okay, I like it.
14:31Let's roll.
14:32And when I say let's roll, I mean I'm going to roll over, and the adrenaline's going to kick in,
14:36and I'm going to stand up and go.
14:42Oh.
14:44No adrenaline.
14:45Uh.
14:45Oh, my God.
14:46We're going to make it a FaceTime, okay?
14:47Okay.
14:48Excuse me.
14:49In my own life, I am always cautious.
14:52I mean, I literally ran away from the woman that I love, and that's why I'm standing here right now.
14:58I mean, I played it safe once again, and now I am about to die.
15:03Warning, landmine detected.
15:05You said it, brother.
15:06Shaw!
15:07Maggie's here!
15:07It's going to be okay now!
15:09Hey, Dad, can you, uh, can you see?
15:12Maggie, I can't hear you.
15:13You're on mute.
15:14Maggie!
15:15Oh, wait.
15:16My volume was off.
15:17Yep.
15:17All right, thank God you're here.
15:18Yeah.
15:19I-I'm-I'm trying to think of the cool way to say this.
15:22Uh, so Shaw is standing.
15:25He's on the landmine.
15:25Shaw's on the landmine.
15:27Shaw!
15:28Don't move!
15:29Trust me!
15:30I won't!
15:31Okay.
15:32Huh.
15:33I can dance.
15:34I can dance.
15:35Rexall was more of a dancer than an emergency responder.
15:39No shade to Rexall.
15:40Oh, no, no, not at all.
15:41We need more artists in the world.
15:43Now more than ever.
15:44Shaw!
15:45I'm coming!
15:46Maggie, what are you doing?
15:47Maggie, we can't let you go out there!
15:50Oh, my God.
15:50Is that what we should have done?
15:52Should we have done that?
15:53I mean, I'm holding the walkie.
16:02Hi.
16:04Hi.
16:06Uh, I'm-I'm-I wanted to make sure you're okay.
16:10Maggie, what the hell are you thinking?
16:14Yeah.
16:14And I'm muting.
16:16Guys, I can't see anything.
16:18What's going on?
16:18Okay, so how do we, um, get-get you?
16:21Listen, I've been doing a lot of thinking out here.
16:24And Ruxa was a very good listener.
16:27I've played it safe my whole life.
16:28And I still ended up right here, about to explode.
16:33And while I've been standing on this landmine,
16:34the only thing that is going through my head over and over again
16:38is that I never got a chance to do this.
16:53I want to stay like this forever.
16:55I probably should.
16:58Because any more movement on top of this landmine is not a good idea.
17:02Landmine.
17:02Landmine.
17:03Landmine.
17:03Landmine.
17:04Okay.
17:04Okay.
17:05Dad, we need you.
17:06There you are.
17:07Listen, Sha, we just need to know what kind of a mine we're dealing with
17:10so when you stepped on it,
17:12to make a tick-tick sound or a ker-ker-ker or a click-clack.
17:17A click-clack.
17:18Ah, okay.
17:19Dealing with a German Teller mine.
17:20You're lucky it wasn't a Bouncing Betty,
17:22which they used at the beginning of the war,
17:24like in the Sauer Offensive,
17:25and then they used it again at the-
17:26Shut up!
17:27Is it to tell us what to do with this mine?
17:29You're really owning being a jerk.
17:31I like it.
17:32Get to the point!
17:35All right, Uxso team, listen up.
17:37This is big time.
17:38I need absolute perfection from you,
17:41or else this could end in disaster.
17:43Do you understand me?
17:45Sure.
17:46I said, do you understand me?
17:48Yes, ma'am!
17:49The ruder she is, the more I want to listen to her.
17:51Me too.
17:52Now, with this era of mine,
17:53you've got to dig around the plate perimeter.
17:55And I-I'm gonna stabilize Chav
17:59to make sure he doesn't shift off the mine.
18:02Yeah.
18:02You know, that's not really necessary.
18:04Okay, well, you're not here, so...
18:07Okay.
18:08Okay, almost there.
18:08Primer exposed.
18:09All right, and I've got mud on my hands,
18:11but I don't care.
18:12I'm working through it.
18:13Good.
18:14Now, you loosen that hinge,
18:17and you cut the red wire.
18:20Cut the red wire.
18:22Yep.
18:22My life is a movie.
18:24I am the hero.
18:25Now, I'm gonna get the girl.
18:27I better not be the girl.
18:28Okay, back in the movie.
18:28Back in the movie, okay?
18:29Red wire.
18:36Okay.
18:36Good.
18:37Okay.
18:40Now...
18:41Yeah.
18:42Ready?
18:43Ready?
18:48Ready.
19:01Hey, stop jumping, guys.
19:02Stop jumping.
19:04Oh, he's right, he's right, he's right, he's right.
19:05No jumping.
19:06Okay, no more jumping.
19:07Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
19:08How about that?
19:10Sucker was a dud the whole time.
19:12Oh, look at Ruxo stretching his legs.
19:14Now he's out of the mood.
19:15I can't believe we were freaking out.
19:17There was no danger.
19:27Yeah, I'm leaving the Ruxo team.
19:31Oh, oh!
19:32Oh!
19:39Wow, I mean, so much for Minnesota Nights.
19:42I know, right?
19:42I mean, these housewives are vicious.
19:44The last episode?
19:45Nora bit Lainey.
19:47Bit?
19:48Bitter.
19:48Twice.
19:49Aw, I like Lainey.
19:50It's awesome, I love it.
19:51Hey, listen, hey, I already said this once today,
19:53but you were right.
19:55I was too worried about needing to be liked,
19:57and I actually am feeling myself as a leader.
20:01Good.
20:01You're my kid, so you're inherently better than other people.
20:04You shouldn't be tiptoeing around that fact.
20:06Just kick ass, take names.
20:08And just be a jerk to everybody but you.
20:10No, you're good.
20:11There we go.
20:12Yeah, I can do that.
20:13That's you.
20:15Yep.
20:40Okay.
20:42Ruxo.
20:43When I first met you, I thought you were a glorified Roomba.
20:47I was wrong.
20:48You were a good friend in my time of need.
20:52Changed my life.
20:55For this, I am forever indebted to you.
20:59I can dance.
21:03Yeah, you can.
21:05And he'll dance in robot heaven.
21:07You bet he will.
21:08Yeah, he will.
21:09And now, Ruxo will be laid to rest in a place of honor.
21:14The good dumpster.
21:15The one that doesn't smell as bad.
21:35It's going so well.
21:37It's going so well.
21:38Just a bad joke.
21:39I do know.
21:40Of course there's a fuss.
21:40No, not easy.
21:40It's a bad joke.
21:42So, for now let me know.
21:42This one wonderful thing.
21:42And if I can act on the way that
21:42of you...
21:42You'm a Lit Cow.
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