- 7 hours ago
Deadloch - Season 2 - Episode 02: None Of Your Business
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TVTranscript
00:00Does Barrow Creek get many body parts lodged inside dead reptiles?
00:04Blunt has made the wrong ID on that arm. I can feel it.
00:08I think we've got a John Doe on our hands.
00:09It's not a croc bite.
00:11That's been chopped off.
00:12Now we're looking for a missing person and a fucking killer.
00:15We?
00:16Yes, yes, fucking yes.
00:17If I can identify the croc from the river, then we find our killer.
00:21The Daryl's pet croc king is still alive.
00:24So I've got one more place to check out.
00:25What are you doing here?
00:26He's dead.
00:27Triple bed.
00:28The best croc in the territory must have been who was dead in the river.
00:32Fuck, get down, get down!
00:34No, he's not gonna shoot us.
00:36He's my fucking dad!
00:37Is that your cock and balls on my dad's face?
00:39You spit my dad! He's the king of the river!
00:42Fuck!
01:13No, we've got more chance of finding a shit with wings than more of Don Daryl's body tonight.
01:18Some croc's probably tucked him away like a drag queen's dick by now.
01:23Well, I'd say he's been eaten already.
01:27What?
01:29What?
01:30Were you ever gonna tell me that your dad lives in Barrow Creek?
01:33Here we go.
01:34Pal, you specifically said that you have no family here, Eddie.
01:37Yeah, because I thought he was in jail.
01:39Well, feel free to tell me about your hometown while we are investigating a case in your hometown
01:44so I don't make a complete git of myself.
01:47Well, you're doing a pretty good job of that yourself by now.
01:49Oh, the glasses are for motion sickness.
01:52Mate, who cares who kept what from who, okay?
01:55We're trying to solve a high-profile murder here.
01:57Yeah, that's exactly what I'm saying.
01:59So, tomorrow morning, we hit the ground running,
02:01get his autopsy report and we fingerprint his cage.
02:03What? Whose cage?
02:05Triple pet, white crocodile!
02:07Eddie, we are investigating a homicide.
02:09This is a fucking homicide!
02:10Hom means human.
02:11Right.
02:12Now I'd like to say a few words about triple pet and my crocodile brother.
02:16Please don't.
02:17Triple pet!
02:17Please no.
02:18You loved eating.
02:21Um, specifically pets, three of them to be exact.
02:23And I know we had our challenges.
02:25I accidentally shot off three of your scutes with a slug gun
02:28and you tried to eat me a lot.
02:30But you were my best mate.
02:31And I solemnly vowed to find your killer and avenge your death.
02:34And so does Collins.
02:35No, I don't.
02:35And now, for your favourite song.
02:37Oh, that's so beautiful.
02:39Cracklin' rose, you're a starboard woman.
02:41But you make me sing like a guitar humming.
02:46So hang on to me, girl.
02:48The song keeps playing on.
02:51Play now.
02:52Please stop moving your bottom.
02:54It is jiggling the bow, Eddie.
02:56BAM!
02:57BAM!
02:59BAM!
03:04BAM!
03:05BROitäten!
03:07BAM!
03:09BOOO!
03:26BAM!
03:27BAM!
03:28BROADFOOT!
03:30BROADFOOT!
03:31Hey, and Don's death is no excuse for you to kick off it in there.
03:36Let's get this right on the show, shall we?
03:39Wait, wait, wait.
03:39What's with this get up?
03:41You look like a beachy mortician.
03:43You need to get involved with this, mate.
03:45100% petroleum, moisture wicking, hammerhead, shark on the back.
03:49Okay, yep.
03:50Wowee, yep.
03:52Not as good as Bushy Shirt, though.
03:53Oh, hey, you just seen that one?
03:56Fucking bull croc on the front, helicopter on the back,
04:00double the action, you know?
04:01I don't.
04:01So, any word on Don's autopsy?
04:04Uh, no.
04:05Apparently, forensics are busy,
04:07but we'll head to Darwin once the autopsy's confirmed.
04:09Okay.
04:09When do we meet our team?
04:10Uh, there is no team.
04:12All personnel have been diverted to Task Force Hamare for the backpacker case.
04:16My loves!
04:17Hi.
04:18I bought us new drink bottles.
04:19I've taped the What Colour Is Your Piss Dehydration Guide on the site.
04:22You're good on, you, Kat.
04:23Eddie, I'm so glad you're here reconnecting with your dad.
04:26No, I'm not.
04:27Such a beautiful experience.
04:28No, it's not.
04:28Thank you for letting us be part of it.
04:30Kat, no.
04:32Yeah, let out of the way.
04:33Fucking old scroed up to you now.
04:35Hold that.
04:35I'm going to talk to him about triple pen.
04:37Okay, my love.
04:37I'm going to a camping store to buy us a family piss bucket.
04:41Oi.
04:41Why are you still here?
04:43Well, I thought we could reconnect.
04:45Have a nice cup of Makona.
04:46I'm investigating the Don Darrell homicide, dickhead.
04:48I don't know if you fucking talk to me about Don Darrell.
04:51He's fucking dead to me.
04:53I'll tell you what.
04:54If you had one dram of fucking loyalty and you go, he'd be fucking dead to you.
04:58He is dead to me.
04:59He's fucking dead to everybody because he's fucking dead.
05:01What did you do with triple pen?
05:03Oh, you've got tits for airs.
05:04I told you last night.
05:06Somebody stole him.
05:07Oh, really?
05:07Okay.
05:08Yeah?
05:08And that's how he wound up dead in the river with Don Darrell's arm in his mouth?
05:12What are you on about?
05:13Well, that's not triple pen.
05:14Look at the bun's on top of its head.
05:16That croc's got all his scoots.
05:17Triple pen's got half his missing.
05:19And we both know how that happened.
05:21Shit shot.
05:21So where's triple pen, then?
05:23I don't bloody know.
05:25Come on, not this asshole again.
05:27Get fucked, Hobbit Hunt.
05:28You Hobbit confessor.
05:31Bang, hi.
05:33Hello, I'm Dulcie.
05:36I didn't get a chance to meet properly when you were shooting at us.
05:40Yeah, I know about you.
05:41Have a look at the barry, eh?
05:43Shetland pony and a lesbian giraffe.
05:45It's like a fucking Disney film come to life.
05:49Good luck with the case at Wiener.
05:51You're off to a fucking flyer sofa.
06:01This building used to be the old school.
06:03Eddie would remember that, wouldn't you?
06:05Yep.
06:05Oh, yeah.
06:06So anyway, here's the keys to your vehicle.
06:08All right, that's on loan from the boys at the Dierks River station.
06:11So I'd give it a wipe down if I was you.
06:14The kitchen, just over here.
06:17Bathroom's out the back.
06:18The toilet is non-load bearing.
06:20So just hover over the top of it like you're riding an invisible motorbike.
06:25That's it.
06:25Just make yourselves at home.
06:27I'm retiring next week.
06:29So I'm doing the handover with my replacement.
06:32So far it's been like hand-rearing a baby duck.
06:35Senior Sergeant Heffernan?
06:36Oh, speak of the devil.
06:38Detectives, this is the incoming Barra Creek Sergeant Luke Ferguson.
06:42Hey, I know you.
06:44Used to work at HQ.
06:45Bush, you put his dick in your yoga that time.
06:47Remember that?
06:48I do.
06:49I do remember that.
06:50Yeah, you're still making that homebrew?
06:51Stuff tastes like a banana pissed itself.
06:54It was tropical sour.
06:55Oh, yeah, it was potent.
06:57Couldn't stop pissing brown for a week.
06:59What's the deal with the mean boot, mean boot?
07:00I had a procedure done on my plantar fasciitis.
07:03The Don Darrell autopsy report's taking an awfully long time to print.
07:07Sorry, the autopsy's been done already?
07:09Yes, and it's taking a very long time to print.
07:12Okay.
07:12We'll just bring it in to the detectives when it's done, Luke.
07:15Oh, I can't do that, Senior Sergeant.
07:17You are supposed to be taking me through the emergency SOPs
07:19all the way through till lunchtime.
07:21I'm only rostered on till 3pm.
07:22It'll be overtime after that.
07:24Yeah, okay.
07:25Okay.
07:26Yep.
07:27Jeez, if the weather doesn't do me in, that boy will.
07:30Oh, just hold tight.
07:32Right, you've got to open the tray.
07:34What kind of back-out forensics office does an autopsy
07:37without informing the detectives in charge?
07:40It's territory forensics, mate.
07:41Pretty much just three blokes and a Commodore 64.
07:44You've just got to be firm with this.
07:46Senior Sergeant.
07:47Yes, great.
07:47Coming, Luke.
07:48No, down like too slow.
07:51Weapon used in the post-mortem disarticulation of D.
07:56Daryl is a weapon with a cutting edge attached to a handle or hilt.
08:02So...
08:02It's a knife.
08:03That's a knife.
08:03That's a knife, right.
08:04That's a knife.
08:05So his head and arm were removed after death.
08:08What else does it say?
08:09That's just it.
08:10The knife bit.
08:11What?
08:12That's not...
08:12No, it's not.
08:13It is?
08:13No, what about the time of death or the cause of death?
08:16Is there a tox report?
08:19Cause of death unknown.
08:20Yeah, and they need the torso.
08:21It's got all the vital organs, the heart, the lungs, the bum and the boobs.
08:24Sure, but this isn't a forensics report.
08:26This is a book blurb.
08:28Forget about it.
08:28We'll figure this out some other way.
08:30Forensics is a crutch for you anyway.
08:31Come on, let's just go to the Daryls.
08:33Shake their shorts.
08:34See what turds fall out.
08:35Come on, you can drive.
08:36Oh, can I?
08:38Oh, Eddie, in interviews we referred to Don's death as a fishing accident.
08:42No mention we're treating it as a murder.
08:44I know, I'll be confidential as fuck, mate, I always am.
08:48Hi.
08:48Fuck.
08:49Pat was going to give me a quote about Don Daryl and then forgot about me.
08:52I heard everything you said.
08:55You're a fucking journo?
08:57Yes, I'm Leo Lea.
08:58I write the NT Times Daily Crock Watch column.
09:00Right, well, obviously I'm a fan, but if you print anything we just said,
09:04I'll do you for perverting the course of justice, okay?
09:06That's not the charge for that.
09:07Just keep your hold shut.
09:08Okay, but I'm a trained journalist, so you should let me investigate with you.
09:11I'm dangerously bored in my job.
09:13I've written the same weekly crock attack article for months now
09:15and not one person's noticed.
09:17Leo, your help with the crime scene photos was appreciated,
09:19but I am running a professional investigation here,
09:22so thank you and no thank you and goodbye, please.
09:27There's a recycling bin.
09:28Yes, yes.
09:29Okay, thank you.
09:30Oi, Reddy, that bike, that's not yours.
09:33Who on, are you?
09:34Yes, it's Mickey.
09:35Hi, Auntie.
09:36Don't call her Auntie Bub, she's not black.
09:37Yes, she is.
09:39Did you pretend to be black to take my 10-year-old's bike?
09:42No.
09:43And I didn't take the bike.
09:44Yeah, she paid me $120 to hire it for three days.
09:47Cash?
09:48Yeah, so you can pay to get Uncle Al's boat fix.
09:50Yeah, because I put dog biscuits in the field tank.
09:52Right, well, what?
09:53Return it in good condition.
09:55Pump up the tyres.
09:56Come on, let's go.
09:57Wait, wait, wait, Miffy.
09:59You're a ranger, yeah?
10:01Some a crocodile brother triple pets gone missing.
10:03Have you seen them in the area?
10:04Listen, Blue Heelers, if you want my ancestral knowledge and my professional expertise for
10:08your police investigation, then you can contact my boss Keith, Keith can contact me, and I
10:12can tell Keith to fuck right off.
10:14Here you go.
10:15Your son is.
10:17All right, come on, you lot.
10:19Aunty Mary said you can collect some cans at the pub while I'm at work today.
10:22Love the school holidays.
10:23Come on, man.
10:24Okay, thanks.
10:24How many cans do we need?
10:26That ranger's a bit of a punish.
10:28There's a...
10:28Freaky eyes.
10:29Too many fucking colours, if you ask me.
10:32Looks like a poisonous frog.
10:34What?
10:34We don't need the bike, Eddie.
10:36We have the car.
10:36We have an adult car now, so...
10:38I've still got five hours left on the rental.
10:39Let's just go.
10:40No worries.
10:40I'm going to be your human match.
10:42Oh, my God.
10:44I don't know what you're saying.
10:46I don't know what you're saying.
10:48I don't know what you're saying.
10:48Okay.
10:49Right, so when we get there, I'll take a lead with the Daryl's.
10:58Really?
10:59You think that's wise?
11:00Amber all but kneecapped-y last night.
11:02At least I'm a local, mate.
11:03You stick rich.
11:04I'll look at you and then they'll know you play the oboe
11:07and you're terrified of arse play.
11:10It was the clarinet, actually.
11:13Oh, it's the superintendent.
11:15Believe it.
11:15We're almost there.
11:17Superintendent.
11:18Ah, detective.
11:19I'm just out for a luxe, huh?
11:20Thought I'd give you a call, see how you got on this morning.
11:22Well, we've just arrived at the Daryl's now, sir,
11:25so hopefully we can question all of the family members,
11:27get them to piece together a picture of Don's final hour.
11:29Okay.
11:30And how's Detective Redcliffe getting on?
11:36Ah, really, really great, actually,
11:38but she'd like a therapy puppet.
11:40Would she?
11:41Really?
11:41A puppet?
11:42Okay, to each their own.
11:43I'll let HR know.
11:45They'll be wrapped.
11:47I'm doing too many things here.
11:48Oh, actually, sir, we could use your assistance with forensics.
11:51Don Daryl's autopsy report was all of eight words.
11:54They didn't give us a cause of death.
11:56Now, we appreciate that they need more body parts,
11:59but we expected a bit more information.
12:01Yeah, well, that sounds about right, detective.
12:03Look, I'll make some calls,
12:05see if I can't unblock a few of those evidence pipelines for you.
12:08Thank you, sir,
12:08and we'll do some old-fashioned pavement-pounding till then.
12:13All right, I'll leave you to it.
12:14Okay, bye for now.
12:17Hey, um, no jokes when we go in there.
12:20They don't work for you.
12:22It's like a G-string on a knotter.
12:27Yeah, so, um, straight out of the bat,
12:30we offer our condoles,
12:32and, um, I just want to say how sorry we both are.
12:36Don was, uh, a legend,
12:41a river king,
12:44a sultan of swing.
12:47Shove it up, you clack.
12:48Dad'd be rolling in his grave to know you were here.
12:50Well, he's not in a grave, is he, so...
12:52My C-section's here, you shithead.
12:54I will go here.
12:54Okay, man, stop your ride.
12:56It's a statement of fact, okay?
12:57Fine, he's mainly in the river.
12:58Fuck, fine, you go.
13:00Um, uh, uh, Miss, uh, Miss Daryl,
13:04we just want to ask a few questions
13:07about Don's last movements.
13:08How would we know his last movements?
13:10We didn't follow him to the shitter.
13:11No, sorry, I meant what he was doing before he died.
13:14Well, say that then, Scrabble.
13:16You think you're better than me?
13:17No, I never, I don't.
13:18And I'm a missus, not a miss.
13:19I'm married to Grant.
13:20That's my husband there.
13:21That's, oh, oh, that's...
13:25Congratulations.
13:26Um, so when was the last time you saw Don?
13:29Why?
13:29What's it to you?
13:30How fucking dare you?
13:31I am just trying to do my job.
13:35The last time we saw Dad was...
13:37It was Sunday night.
13:40Sunday night.
13:40The whole family had tea at the pub.
13:43You happy?
13:44So you didn't see him on Monday then?
13:45If we'd seen him then, we would have fucking said.
13:48Tegan, can you get the phone?
13:49So, the last time you saw Don was Sunday night.
13:52Okay.
13:52Oh, no, no, no, she can't.
13:54Oh, sorry, we are conducting a police interview.
13:56You can't just...
13:56She's my best friend.
13:58Tegan was my mate of honour.
13:59Okay?
14:00It's a funeral, I ams.
14:02Okay, well, you tell him, Tease, that we're not paying for a full-size coffin.
14:06We only got the head in the yard, so we'll just do a dog one.
14:09For shit sakes, Amber!
14:10Stop going on about bloody money!
14:11Well, someone's got her mum.
14:13DJ won't, will he?
14:14He just bought a fucking duck boat.
14:16Tell him, Tease.
14:17Hey, Dad, JJ, you've got my bracelet.
14:19Boys, don't play with bracelets.
14:20It's gay.
14:21Okay, so the meal at the pub on Sunday, was everyone in good spirits?
14:26What's it to you?
14:27Yes.
14:28Do people who aren't in good spirits do three rounds of crock-sucking cowboys?
14:31It was a lovely night.
14:32It was a lovely night.
14:32How dare you?
14:33Oh.
14:34Okay.
14:37Who are they from, Troy?
14:42Dear Colleen, Amber, DJ and Trey.
14:45Troy!
14:46That's you.
14:47Troy.
14:48Sorry for your lost deepest symphonies, Jason Wade.
14:53That dick rat.
14:54The bloody nerve.
14:56Troy, you take those birds of paradise out the back and you burn them in the incinerator.
15:03So what happened after dinner?
15:05Dad got eaten by a fucking crocodile.
15:07Girl knows that, Amber.
15:08Oh, sorry.
15:08Actually, I meant, what time did you all leave the pub?
15:14It's none of your business, but Dad stayed at the pub and then we all left about ten.
15:20We dropped DJ and Troy back here and then Mum come back to ours because all our kids had
15:24both ends gastro.
15:25We were just swapping out buckets till 5am.
15:27Fucking awful.
15:28Yeah, something ripped through on.
15:29It's probably that woman's nugget.
15:30And where did Don go after the pub?
15:33Probably headed home.
15:34Okay, and did he make it home?
15:36Did Troy or your other son BJ see him here?
15:39DJ.
15:40Don Jr.
15:41How dare you?
15:42Don Jr.
15:42Sorry, my bad.
15:43Yeah, you're not listening to a word we're saying.
15:45No one saw him after the pub.
15:47We already said that.
15:48Right, we're done here.
15:49I've lost my dad.
15:51DJ Jay's lost his pop.
15:52Mum's lost the love of her life.
15:54What about her gutful?
15:54Yeah, we still need to talk to DJ.
15:57DJ's not here.
15:58He's taking it hard.
15:59He was Don's favourite.
16:01Well, tell him we want a word.
16:03Okay.
16:03Come on, Cors, let's go.
16:05Oh.
16:06Actually, I do just have one more question.
16:08No, you don't.
16:09Yes, I do.
16:09By the time that Don's remains were found on Tuesday, you hadn't seen him for two days?
16:16Where did you think he was?
16:17Fishing.
16:18Right, and what makes you think that he was fishing?
16:21Because on Sunday night he told us he was going fishing.
16:24And you weren't worried about him?
16:25No.
16:26We're not like you city people.
16:28We can go weeks without talking to each other.
16:31It's called being a family.
16:34Right, well, that feels like it's hit a natural conclusion.
16:36Uh, great.
16:38We will be in...
16:40Yes.
16:41Joy!
16:42Fire!
16:43Fuck!
16:44Bloody hell!
16:45Get up, you lazy cunt, there's a fire!
16:47Fucking hell!
16:48Get the hose!
16:49Get the hose!
16:50I'm with the fucking hoses.
16:51Fuck!
16:53Okay, we'll question the locals about Sunday night.
16:56You just sit in the corner and try not to dog it up again, Scrabble.
16:59Oh.
17:02Come on, you three, cut the shit.
17:04I know you know what fucking went on on Sunday night.
17:07Your asses have been planted here since 1983.
17:10What about you, Rabbit?
17:11Did you see Don Darrell on Sunday night?
17:14Bert?
17:14Did you see Don, huh?
17:17Rog, what about you?
17:18I didn't see anything pertaining to Don Darrell, Edwina.
17:21I'll tell you what I did see recently, though.
17:23Lights in the sky over the D.O.
17:25Oh, yeah.
17:26Extraterrestrial activity is increasing exponentially.
17:29No, no, no, no cooker shit, Rog, okay?
17:30Answer my questions or I'll sign you up for a government ID.
17:33Hey, I want to know, boys.
17:35Don't start that.
17:36Don't start that shit again.
17:37Don't start.
17:38Don't start that.
17:39Fuck my hole.
17:40Okay.
17:41You boys keep going.
17:42Your government says the DRR is decommissioned military now.
17:45They're doing something out there and they're doing it with my taxes.
17:47You don't pay taxes, Rog.
17:49And this is why.
17:50That's my man.
17:51Fuck the colony, babe.
17:52Oh, this is beautiful.
17:54Because my muse is beautiful.
17:56Oh.
17:58Those aliens are probably behind all this.
18:00They've probably got triple pet, too.
18:01No.
18:01Hi, boys.
18:02Hot one today.
18:03Shut up, Joyce.
18:04Never been hot.
18:05Stay out of it, Joyce.
18:06Fuck's sake.
18:08Yeah, the Daryls were here on Sunday night for Don 70th.
18:10The kids ate five dozen nuggets.
18:12Don 70th?
18:14Well, why didn't they mention that?
18:15Ah, don't take it personally, Darcy.
18:17The Daryls probably just didn't tell you about Don's party because it's none of your business.
18:22Here we are.
18:24Oh, Mary?
18:26Yeah?
18:27I thought you cleaned up in here.
18:29No, I remember you were cleaning.
18:31I was digging.
18:32Oh, Don didn't even finish his steak cake.
18:35Oh, get the karcher and pressure hose the lot of it out the roller door.
18:38Ah, just leave the mess for now.
18:39Thank you, please.
18:40Okay, but we've got to clean it soon.
18:42Pat's having a retirement do in here next week.
18:57Mary, did the Daryls have a fight?
19:021982, Tyndall Base.
19:0342.7 degrees.
19:05Still not as hot as it is.
19:06Okay, okay.
19:08Okay, let's get back to Don Daryl or I will kill you all.
19:12We were at the Daryls yesterday.
19:14We fed King.
19:15Okay, that's it.
19:16Line up.
19:17You're all going to die.
19:18See?
19:18Line up and I'm going to shoot you up.
19:19Hi.
19:19Ah, Ron chucked a chook.
19:21Jesus.
19:22Slide in on wheels?
19:24No, I've been here this whole time again.
19:26If you want to know what happened that evening, the drone was filming around the pub on Sunday
19:29night.
19:29I know because I stay in a caravan out back that barely has a roof.
19:33If you got your hands on the drone, it might have filmed on leaving.
19:36Who owns the drone?
19:37I'm not sure, or maybe Satan.
19:39The croc in this cage isn't King.
19:41What?
19:41This is not King.
19:42This croc is missing its scoots.
19:50You shithouse rats.
20:08Carlins, where are you?
20:10In here.
20:11I know what happened to triple pen.
20:15Troy did the penis on the billboard.
20:23Hey!
20:24Hey!
20:26Get him back to Bo!
20:28To trust Bo!
20:29Bo!
20:30Bo!
20:31Bo!
20:32Bo!
20:33Bo!
20:36Bo!
20:42Go!
20:43And now for to break you!
20:43That croc and King's cage, that's triple pen isn't it?
20:46So that means it was King of the River with your Dad's arm in her.
20:49TROY!
20:49Split up!
20:50Get up!
20:51Don't follow me!
20:52TROY, do not jump, but there is no give in that gravel.
20:56None, mate!
20:57I told you that it hurts!
21:00We need to question you formally!
21:03Get out of there!
21:05Get out of there!
21:06Come on, Spratt, you've been here to take me Spratt, come on!
21:09Wanna take the alcohol?
21:10Oh my god, dismount the target bike!
21:16Fuck!
21:17Get off, Troy!
21:20Fucking no!
21:22I didn't do nothing!
21:25I didn't do nothing!
21:40I found this at the pub today.
21:44Troy, did you graffiti the same penis and testes onto your father's face?
21:49What? On the billboard?
21:51No, that was those Landa Crocs wankers.
21:53Yeah, it was me.
21:55What?
21:56Hey! Hey! DJ!
21:59My birthday drawing made him look like a pussy!
22:02I was angry at him.
22:05Troy, mate, come on.
22:06Look at me.
22:08Dads can be tough, yeah?
22:09We know that.
22:12Weight of expectation was a lot.
22:15Collins, her dad,
22:16he was shit.
22:18He was an actor, he was in Brigadoon.
22:20No, he was a brigadier
22:22in the Defence Force.
22:23Point is, she understands why
22:26you didn't want your dad dead, so...
22:27No, no, no.
22:28Yeah, yeah, no.
22:29You had a fight with your dad
22:30at the pub
22:31because of your gay dick heart.
22:33No, the fight was because
22:34Dad fed Grant Crabb
22:35and then his throat closed over.
22:37Yeah, Dad says allergies for poofs.
22:39Yeah, for poofs.
22:39Yeah, okay, whatever.
22:40Then after that, you killed your dad,
22:42you fed his arm to King,
22:43your prehistoric garbage disposal.
22:44That's not what happened.
22:45Yeah, and then King died
22:46because he choked on that arm,
22:48so you tucked him in the river.
22:49No, King was already,
22:50he was already in the river.
22:52No, what?
22:53Sorry, King was already in the river?
22:55Yeah, yeah.
22:56King got out Saturday night,
22:57the gate was open.
22:57That's why we nicked Triple Pet.
22:59We thought Frank was still in jail.
23:01DJ, isn't it our fault that Dad's dead?
23:03Yeah, Troy.
23:04King got out.
23:05Right, and then King ate Dad
23:07when Dad fell in the river.
23:09Man, it's fucking circle of life.
23:10Shit, King murdered Dad
23:11because we left the gate open.
23:14Cons, these two fuckspanners
23:16don't know how they'll die.
23:18Agreed.
23:19Hey!
23:19Fuck you!
23:20Troy!
23:21Troy!
23:22Shut up!
23:23Hey!
23:24Where did you two go after the pub on Sunday night?
23:27Home.
23:27Went home.
23:28Home?
23:28He was on his thing.
23:29Twitch.
23:31Troy was on his Twitch
23:32and I went out with Rabbit
23:33setting off some fireworks.
23:35Look, I've got the videos on my socials to prove it.
23:36Look, look.
23:37Fifteen blowjobs all in a row.
23:38Oh, no thank you.
23:39No fellatio.
23:40No, no.
23:41They're a type of firework.
23:42What?
23:43Yeah.
23:44Like this.
23:44Okay, right.
23:45Wait, hang on.
23:46What?
23:46They're our confiscated fireworks, Troy.
23:48Grab them.
23:48No, no.
23:48Concentrate, please.
23:49So, did you see your dad at all?
23:51He was due back at your place after the pub, yes?
23:54No.
23:54No, Dad went to his place.
23:57Is it his place?
23:58I'm not following, no.
23:59He was going to his place.
24:00Yes, but isn't his place your place?
24:02No.
24:02It's our place.
24:04Well, where the fuck is his place then?
24:05Dad's Donger.
24:06Dad went to Dad's Donger.
24:11You're on Top End Hotheads with Beefy and the Skid
24:14where the Mango Madness is setting in, Skiddy.
24:16That's right, Beef.
24:16And big news.
24:17Toby the Cadaver Dog has joined the missing backpacker's search
24:20just in time for Jason Wade's Big Barabash Danza,
24:24which kicks off tomorrow in Jerk's River.
24:26Maybe Toby will have time to dip a rod in, Skid.
24:28Maybe, maybe.
24:45No!
24:46Come on!
24:47No!
24:48Why the fuck not?
24:49Superintendent Confirmed Forensics is en route and the Donger is...
24:53Donger.
24:53It's a portable building, soft G. Roll the N and the G. Donger.
24:57However you pronounce it, it is a suspected crime scene, so we wait for them.
25:02No.
25:02We make our own destiny.
25:03I'm going in.
25:04No, like fun you are!
25:05Ugh.
25:06We don't have gloves, we don't have booties, and it's all potential evidence in there.
25:10No.
25:10Okay.
25:11Well, I'm gonna get Leo to bring us booties.
25:13Leo?
25:14Yeah.
25:15The journo told me about the drone.
25:16Why would Leo bring us booties?
25:18Well, they were in the shower block when I was doing my bedtime bog blocks,
25:20so I asked them to help us with this.
25:21No, no, no, they won't.
25:22A journalist is not joining this investigation.
25:25God, Eddie, you should have checked with me first.
25:28No, fire them.
25:29Pay them out if you have to.
25:29I'm not paying them, that's a good thing.
25:31They just want first dibs on the story so they can turn it into a podcast.
25:35They...
25:35What?
25:36Collins, we need more hands, okay?
25:38Between the two of us, we've got four hands, but none of them know how to turn on a computer.
25:41Leo can handle that for us.
25:42Plus, they've got this vibe where they barely exist.
25:46Like, people don't even notice when they're being interviewed by them.
25:48They think it's the wind.
25:51Hey, hey, Eddie, don't open that.
25:53I said we were waiting.
25:55Oh, I forgot.
25:58Ah.
26:00Considering that Daryl's place looked like the BFG's junk drawer,
26:05Don kept a remarkably clean dongler.
26:07Donger.
26:08It's Donger.
26:09That's what I said.
26:12Why?
26:14Is it just me, or is this place not on Lane?
26:19No, you're right, it is on Lane.
26:21I'm going to dip a toe in.
26:22No, don't.
26:23Just a toe.
26:24Just a fucking pointed toe.
26:25Oh, fucking finally, cunts.
26:27Eddie.
26:28Where have you, Jeans Biscuits, been?
26:29Language.
26:30Got a hard on for your swabs.
26:31Despite the ants, this is a workplace.
26:33I've got a semi.
26:34I've got a semi for your swabs.
26:35Hello.
26:37We didn't go in.
26:41Hi, Mams.
26:43G'day, bigos.
26:50Struggling with these, Lynn.
26:51Just use a hook rip, Mayor.
26:53Hi, Lynn.
26:54Oh, hi, Kath.
26:55Hi, Mary.
26:55Oh, hi, Kath.
26:56Yep.
26:57You look busy.
26:58Yep.
26:58Always got something to do.
26:59I don't think it'll all dissolve in this.
27:03Oh, hello, where did you come from?
27:05Good boy.
27:07Oh.
27:08I've got him a fishing shirt.
27:10And a loose tooth as well.
27:12Loose tooth?
27:13Wow.
27:14Is this your dog?
27:15Boss isn't Cherry's dog, miss.
27:17Nah, it's Mav's dog, eh?
27:18Found him on the highway, eh?
27:19Oi, cool car, miss.
27:20Mav loves cars.
27:21He stole one once.
27:22Shut up, Cherry.
27:23Oh, I stole Simon Crean's car once.
27:26It was a uni grassroots gorilla thing to protest speed regulation.
27:30It didn't work.
27:32Can I get a hurricane joke from McCullough?
27:34Uh, yeah.
27:36Sure we can.
27:37Arnie!
27:38She's taking us to Ladder Crocs to see Uncle Al.
27:41Oh!
27:42Good on you, Kath.
27:43I was running out of cans for them to collect.
27:45Cool, I'm in the front.
27:46Come on, boss.
27:46Thanks, miss.
27:47Oh, I see he's got touch screens.
27:49Yeah, sure.
27:51This'll be fun.
27:53Where are we going again?
27:55Kay put me up for this uni placement because Darwin Forensics hasn't hired anyone new since
28:00the Azaria Chamberlain case.
28:02Ah.
28:02That's Lauren and Oliver, the other interns.
28:05They're either siblings or they're dating.
28:07I can't actually tell which.
28:09Anyway, I'm paired with Toby the cadaver dog because according to the office manager,
28:12Diane, we're in the same pay bracket.
28:14Yeah, well, I'd get him away from the water, big eyes.
28:16He's in the lunch position there.
28:18The lunch position, ma'am?
28:20Oh, shivers!
28:21Um, Toby, come on.
28:25Toby, here, boy.
28:26Toby, come on.
28:29Toby, good boy.
28:33Isn't he so cute?
28:35Yeah.
28:36Yeah, we're all supposed to be on the backpacker case, but our boss, the profs, sent us here
28:40for the day.
28:41But I don't mind because I'm back with my workmums.
28:44So, Abby, I always wanted...
28:45Oh, yeah.
28:45Oh.
28:46No, sorry.
28:46Why are you going to do that?
28:47What's happening here?
28:48Oh, you didn't want to...
28:49No, that's good.
28:49Oh, you didn't want to...
28:50Okay, um, cool.
28:51Okay, um, how is this investigation going?
28:55How'd you hear that?
28:57It's not a spacecraft.
28:58I assure you, I did not think it was.
29:01It's that hovered cunt.
29:02Run!
29:03Eddie!
29:03Eddie, leave it!
29:04No!
29:05It knows stuff.
29:06Oi!
29:07I want to talk about Sunday night at the pub!
29:09Sue, is this a potential crime scene, ma'am?
29:12That's what we're trying to figure out.
29:13Don was headed here on Sunday night, so we're just looking for anything to indicate what
29:19might have happened.
29:20Did Don make it out here?
29:21You know, was he alone?
29:22Oh, wait, ma'am.
29:23You've just stepped in some Toby poo.
29:25No.
29:25No.
29:25I'll go get you a bag.
29:27Yep, great.
29:28Hi!
29:28Hi!
29:28Get back here, you animal fuck!
29:30I just want to talk!
29:31Here, ma'am.
29:33You can lean on me.
29:34I think right, right.
29:35Yeah, yeah.
29:36Ooh!
29:36Yeah.
29:38Is anyone missing a bracelet with straight pride symbols on it?
29:43And an iced coffee?
29:56Is that your bracelet?
29:59No.
29:59All right.
30:00Well, we did find it this morning at your dad's donger.
30:03He's what?
30:04At the...
30:04Donger.
30:05Your dad's donger.
30:06Okay.
30:07For fuck's sake.
30:09Uh...
30:09Were you out there last night?
30:11No!
30:11I wasn't!
30:12I've got five kids under five, and Greg's never changed a nappy, so that could be anyone.
30:15Sure.
30:16But we did see you with it yesterday when you told Don Junior Junior he couldn't play with
30:21it.
30:23Well, so what, that I was at the donger last night, what's it to you?
30:26What's it to us?
30:28What it...
30:28What it...
30:28What it to us is...
30:29Is that we think your dad was murdered out there.
30:31Eddie, no!
30:32Just...
30:33Just...
30:34Um...
30:35What?
30:36Yeah...
30:37Yeah.
30:37What?
30:38You fully said Dad was in by a croc.
30:40No, we fully didn't.
30:41It was you that said that.
30:43Amber, we know about your dad's 70th, how he force-fed your husband, Grand Mudcrabs,
30:49and that resulted in a fight where those crabs were weaponised.
30:53Why didn't you tell us about the crab fight, Amber?
30:56Why did you say it was a lovely night?
30:58Clearly it was a...
30:59This is none of your fucking business!
31:00That Dad is a cunt!
31:03But Dad was a cunt!
31:07Amber, if you don't tell us why you were out of the donger, then we're just gonna have
31:10to guess.
31:11We think you went out there to cover up a bit of a dad murder.
31:17Tell them the truth, I am.
31:19Yeah, listen to your mate, Amber.
31:21Fuck off.
31:22Alright, fine!
31:25I was out there because I was looking for the money.
31:27I didn't find her because someone else has been out there!
31:29I could tell because her dong has been whisked off its blocks.
31:32And aside from that, I couldn't have killed him because I was at the hospital all Sunday
31:35night with Grand because his throat closed over.
31:36Shut up!
31:37Shut up!
31:38What?
31:38Wait, what money?
31:39The money he wants back!
31:40The money who wants back?
31:42Him!
31:43Who?
31:43Fucking him!
31:44Jason Wade!
31:45That landed crooks!
31:46Fuck paid Dad 300 grand and now he wants it back!
31:50Can I go?
31:51I've got meat in the car!
31:55So Jason Wade grew up in Adelaide and attended an elite boys college that was burned down by
31:59its own old boys when it went co-ed.
32:01He has no prize, just a caution for driving 170 kilometres in a 160 school zone.
32:07Are you okay?
32:08No, I'm not.
32:08I'm police, Leo, and all of this is official police business.
32:13Uh-huh.
32:14I know.
32:14So if you publish anything about this case before a suspect is convicted of this crime,
32:19then not only will justice not be served for the victim, but the law will come down
32:25on you with the force of a hypernova.
32:28Do you understand?
32:29I do.
32:30Good.
32:31But also if you don't solve this case, I'm just going to bin the whole thing because nobody
32:34wants to hear about losers.
32:36Where was I?
32:37Anybody want a chip?
32:39Yeah?
32:40Tastes like B.I.
32:41Good B.I.
32:42Jason is the star and creator of Jason Wade's Adventures Down Under and the Marine spin-off
32:47Jason Wade's Adventures Down Under goes more down under.
32:50Eight years ago he opened Jason Wade's Land of Crops and Other Animals Wildlife Park near Dierks
32:55River.
32:58Oh, no.
32:59I'm done.
33:00Oh, okay.
33:01All right.
33:01Great.
33:01Well, we'll head to Land of Crops now.
33:05Three hundred and fifty dollars.
33:07We got this car yesterday.
33:08Is this normal?
33:09Yes.
33:10Detectives.
33:11Hold up.
33:13G'day Moonboot.
33:14You don't answer your phone.
33:15Yeah?
33:15Because it might be a bill.
33:16Well, it wasn't a bill.
33:17It was me.
33:18I was calling because a local man by the name of Mr. Rabbit reported a body part in the
33:23river.
33:25It's in the water off Dickies Knob.
33:28Okay, great.
33:28Well, I know a ranger that would love to take you on a boat to collect that loop.
33:32No, no, no.
33:33See, my shift ends in ten minutes.
33:40Oh, no.
33:41Don't look at me.
33:41I didn't bring my goggles.
33:44I'm off to Land of Crocs.
33:48No, no.
33:50Get out, you munger-busted mints.
33:54Get out!
33:55Did you know Child Protection Services now has an app?
33:58Just key in your 26-digit flying PM for access.
34:01You're speaking.
34:02You're speaking.
34:02Hello, hello, hello.
34:04Hello.
34:05Hello, hello.
34:05Oh, hi, Ellen.
34:06Ellen.
34:06Is it?
34:07Yes, Ellen.
34:08Hi.
34:08I'm Mikaela Morris and I've recently become the kinship carer for my nephew Maverick.
34:12One moment, please.
34:12No, don't put me on hold.
34:14Ellen.
34:14Connecting you with kinship services now.
34:17Fuck, at least fucking lube me up before you fuck me like this.
34:20Oh!
34:21Oh!
34:27Are you right?
34:29It's another big day at Land of Crocs and other animals without feeding a chomp kicking
34:34off soon in the croc arena.
34:36At 3pm we have the batfish feeding and don't forget to book in for your...
34:40I need to speak with Jason Wade.
34:42The office isn't answering.
34:44Yeah, sorry.
34:44It's my chairman school holidays.
34:45One adult.
34:46That's $75, please.
34:48Uh, I'm police.
34:49Unless you're a family of four.
34:50$75, please.
34:54Right, right.
34:55Yep.
34:57No, I don't need that.
34:58I'm just...
34:59I'm just gonna try and find that.
35:01Yeah, I just need to know where...
35:02And don't forget your tickets.
35:03Here you go.
35:03Have a nice day.
35:05Next.
35:06Uh, could you direct me towards back of house?
35:09Thank you so much.
35:10Stand on the black X there, please.
35:11Oh, I just need to be directed towards back of house, if that's okay.
35:14Okay, okay.
35:15Big fella is to your left, so look up at him, super scared.
35:18Who's that bitch?
35:19Oh.
35:20At 3pm, Kate and Kate are going into the tube of doom.
35:24And then at 4pm, folks, we have the city grunter feeding with me, Roisin.
35:29Okay?
35:29Okay.
35:30But starting now in the process here...
35:32Let's go through a pace.
35:33Right, okay.
35:33It's croc feeding time with Big fella.
35:36Thanks, Roisin.
35:37Great seat, folks.
35:39Welcome, welcome.
35:40Good day, everyone.
35:42My name is Al, and I'm the land of crocs and other animals indigenous ambassador.
35:48Can we just take your seat, please?
35:50Now, this has been my people's country since time immemorial.
36:04Today, I welcome everyone in the crocosphere to my country.
36:18Caring for country, respecting country, and all its creatures.
36:22Why does Uncle have that yidaki?
36:23He doesn't even know how to play.
36:24Like Dungalaba.
36:30Dungalaba is language for my totem.
36:32The saltwater crocodile.
36:34And now, a special surprise for you all.
36:38The top end's favourite son, Jason Wayne.
36:46Thanks Al.
36:47Everybody give it up for him.
36:48I'll tell you what, folks.
36:50No one knows these rivers and these crocs better than Al Maydow.
36:53We've all learned so much from him.
36:59G'day, g'day.
37:00G'day, g'day.
37:01G'day, g'day.
37:03G'day, g'day.
37:04G'day, g'day.
37:04G'day, g'day.
37:05My name is Jason Wayne.
37:06I might host a couple of TV shows.
37:09For fans in the house.
37:10Love it.
37:11But seriously, we all know who the real star of today is.
37:15Ladies and gents, give it up for Bigfella.
37:20Let's get him out here and give him a feed.
37:31Yeah, so Moonboot said that Rabbit said that the body part was up round this way, so we've just got
37:36to go at that, um,
37:38Tryb... Tryb... Trybibitur...
37:40Tree er...
37:41By Dickies?
37:42Knot sorry!
37:43Come we just head downstream, Miffy.
37:45It's Micky.
37:46Do you seriously not remember me?
37:48Micky Morris, we went to school together.
37:51Oh, come on. It was you, me, my cousins, a bunch of white dogs talking racist shit about us,
37:57even though they only shared one fucking face between them like it was a bong. Come on.
38:00You'd co-hanging me at home, eh?
38:02Yeah, because I'd invite you out for darts to the creepy-faced tree and you'd dog me every time.
38:07Yeah, cool. So what's been happening? You still school?
38:11I'm 44.
38:12No shit, me too.
38:13Hey, I reckon we need to go to where the crocodile in the sunnies is.
38:16Yes. You do realise that's an activity map for kids?
38:22Hard left, I reckon, Miffy.
38:28Is that your sonar or works?
38:30Works.
38:32That's a bull shark.
38:33I know.
38:34Bull shark gave birth to your life young.
38:36You gave birth to your life young.
38:41Is that how it happened?
38:44What's that one? Is that a sawfish?
38:46Sawfish cut their prey in half of their nose.
38:49It's not a sawfish, all right?
38:50I know what a sawfish is and that's not a sawfish.
38:53Worse than my kids.
38:55Is it a torso?
38:58Oh, bugger.
39:00It's just a foot.
39:01That's not going to help us unless dawned on a tinea.
39:03Where's its big toe?
39:07What's this here?
39:09The hovercats!
39:10Yes!
39:17Shit shot my ass.
39:22I'm investigating Don Darrell's death.
39:24Okay, and you've spoken to Amber Darrell.
39:26I have, and your name came up.
39:29You think there's something going on with me and Amber?
39:30Ah, no, that is not what I thought.
39:33Dulcy, come on.
39:34Detective is fine.
39:35How do I put this politely?
39:37My wife, Alethea, is a former runner-up Miss Australia.
39:42She's one fashion on the field, she's beautiful.
39:44Yeah.
39:45Have a look at her cover of Maxim.
39:46Pre-kids, of course.
39:47Ah, it's really not necessary for me to see your wife's photos.
39:50But you get it, though, right?
39:51Oh, if I have an affair, it won't be with someone like Amber Darrell.
39:55She doesn't even register as a woman to me.
39:57Well, that is not why your name came up.
39:59She told us about the $300,000.
40:03Oh, that.
40:05Oh, you'll be worried there for a second, Dulcy.
40:07Detective.
40:09Why did you give Don Darrell $300,000?
40:12It's the boy King.
40:14The biggest croc in the territory.
40:16I've been trying to buy him for years.
40:18I knew the Darrells were struggling,
40:19so I made Don an offer he couldn't refuse.
40:22I paid him the cash Friday.
40:24Gonna need that back, obviously, now that he's dead.
40:27Don.
40:27Oh, King.
40:28I can wait till after the funeral.
40:30I don't need the cash, obviously.
40:32Make more than that each week off hurricane drinks.
40:34Yeah, that makes sense.
40:35They are $35 a pop.
40:37Can't believe you thought I was having an affair with Amber Darrell.
40:42Not what I thought, so...
40:44Anyway, Mrs and I have an event to get to.
40:47We're poor ambassadors, so let me walk you out.
40:50I'll see if I can remember where the staff exit is.
40:52Not on the ground much anymore.
40:53Just a flat chat, filming my show, editing season 12 right now.
40:58And then we're going to do a series where I'll drive a fast car over Salt Lake.
41:01Just back and forth.
41:02I'll get that.
41:02Me and Big Russ.
41:03Russell Crowe.
41:19Hey, Leo.
41:21I shot down the hovercam.
41:23So, I need you to see if there's any footage on the drone of Don leaving the pub.
41:26So, yeah, all right, action, you to action that.
41:29Come on, quick digs, Leah.
41:33That's a foot, don't worry about that.
41:35Eddie, I met the most amazing dog today.
41:39Awesome.
41:40Yeah, great.
41:41Look.
41:44His name's Boss.
41:45I'm a bit too busy to talk about dogs right now, OK?
41:47Hey, Leah, can we hurry this up?
41:49I need to get this foot to forensics before it gets soupy.
41:52There is footage saved on this drone.
41:54Is there anything from Sunday night?
42:00OK, I'm going outside, Lozzie.
42:02OK.
42:03Oh, bloody hell, that was a monumental waste of time.
42:06There is absolutely nothing here to suggest this is a crime scene.
42:08Yeah, because someone's hosed the site down, Oliver.
42:11I mean, look, there's water runoff, even though it hasn't rained here since last April.
42:15Of course it's rained here since then, Ali.
42:16That's ridiculous.
42:17No, it's the tropics.
42:18Grab Toby, yeah?
42:19We're leaving.
42:20Lozzie, let's get out of here.
42:21OK.
42:22Toby, where are you?
42:25Toby?
42:26Toby?
42:31Freak, freak, freak!
42:33The lunch position!
42:36Toby!
42:39Toby?
42:41Toby, is that you?
42:47Oliver!
42:48Toby's found a toe!
42:49It is the clam scene!
42:52No, Toby!
42:53That's evidence!
42:54Toby, no!
42:59Yeah, this is good, Leo, but there's no one around.
43:01The joint's dead.
43:02Looks like a model railway.
43:03Just go around the corner.
43:04I can't turn the camera around.
43:06I'm not controlling it.
43:07No, I've seen people do it.
43:08No, you've seen Google Street View.
43:10Oh, that's just me.
43:12It's 76 photos of boss.
43:13Cool.
43:14No!
43:15No, don't go away.
43:16I haven't seen Don leave the pub.
43:18Where are you going now?
43:19Wait.
43:20I know where that is.
43:23That's near Don's donger.
43:26That's his bloody duty.
43:30G'day, g'day.
43:32Who do we have here, then?
43:34So I'm doing K2, then Denali, then Everest, with our geo,
43:38and then I'm back here for a six-parter,
43:40where we barbecue fish on the beach.
43:42Sounds fun.
43:42Jason, I also will need your whereabouts for last Sunday night.
43:46My PA's not my direct, so just give them a call.
43:48Who are they?
43:48This is the exit.
43:49Do you need a selfie with me to show the girls back home?
43:51Uh, no.
43:52I think the girls are fine.
43:53Great, awesome, awesome.
43:55Really great to meet you, Dolphin.
43:56I'm really special, okay?
43:58Take care.
43:58And your PA's contacts.
43:59Let's get the numbers up there.
44:01Mm.
44:04That was, yeah.
44:16Eddie.
44:18Collins.
44:19There was someone else out of Don's donger.
44:21They got picked up on the drone on Sunday night.
44:23They're dragging Don's body up the jetty.
44:25What?
44:25Can you tell who it is?
44:27It's Chomp.
44:28Sorry.
44:29It's who?
44:29Oh, God.
44:30Chomp from Land of Crocs.
44:32He's our killer.
44:34Collins?
44:34Collins, you still there?
44:44Hey!
44:44Oh, you doing all the other.
44:56Oh, man.
45:01Oh, yeah.
45:05Oh, yeah.
45:09Oh, yeah.
45:11Oh, yeah.
45:12Oh, yeah.
45:12Oh, yeah.
45:13Oh, yeah.
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