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Late Night with Seth Meyers - Season 13 - Episode 11: Taylor Swift
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00:05From 30 Rockefeller Plaza in New York, it's Late Night with Seth Meyers.
00:12Tonight, Blair Boyd.
00:15Comedian, Bert Kreischer.
00:18An all-new, closer look.
00:25And now, Seth Meyers.
00:28Good evening, Seth Meyers.
00:30It's Late Night. We hope you're doing well.
00:31And now, if you don't mind, we're going to get to the news.
00:34While speaking to reporters last night, as he left the White House for Davos,
00:38President Trump said, quote,
00:39This will be an interesting trip. I have no idea what's going to happen.
00:43Okay, but it seems like you should?
00:47You're the president going to an economic conference,
00:50but you sound like you're about to take a handful of shrooms and go to Disney World.
00:55No idea what's going to happen.
00:57Buckle up, Goofy!
01:00President Trump told reporters on Monday that his primary message for global leaders
01:05at the World Economic Forum is, quote,
01:07How well the United States is doing.
01:09Uh, you know they get the news in Davos, right?
01:13That's like the jet saying how well they're doing.
01:16We can see the games.
01:19While speaking today in Davos,
01:21President Trump claimed that the Spanish flu ended World War I,
01:25which is the first time he's ever given someone else credit for ending a war.
01:31During the same speech,
01:33President Trump reiterated his desire to acquire Greenland
01:36and said, quote,
01:37It's a very small ask.
01:38No, water my plants while I'm away
01:42is a small ask.
01:44Let me have this country is second only to help me move.
01:50President Trump also repeatedly referred to Greenland as Iceland.
01:54Even more troubling,
01:55he referred to Iceland as Trumpland.
01:59While speaking to reporters on Monday,
02:01President Trump confirmed that he invited Russian President Vladimir Putin
02:05to join his Board of Peace.
02:07That's like inviting Elon Musk to join the Charisma Committee.
02:13President Trump claimed on Monday
02:15that the Norwegian government controls who gets the Nobel Peace Prize.
02:18That's ridiculous.
02:19Governments don't control who gets awards.
02:21If they did, Kid Rock would have a thousand Grammys.
02:27During the White House press briefing yesterday,
02:29President Trump held up a stack of papers and said, quote,
02:32I could stand here and read it for a week,
02:34and we wouldn't be finished.
02:35Of course, he could say the same thing about Good Night Moon.
02:42During the same little mouse.
02:46We love the little mouse.
02:50Mush.
02:54Bowl full of mush.
02:55No one likes the mush.
02:58During the same White House.
03:02Literally.
03:04Literally the only book I can currently quote.
03:11During the same White House press briefing,
03:13President Trump said that he signed an executive order
03:15to bring back mental institutions and insane asylums,
03:19which has to be the clearest case ever of
03:21be careful what you wish for.
03:25In a new interview, Agriculture Secretary Brooke...
03:28Excuse me.
03:29In a new interview.
03:30In a new interview, Agriculture Secretary Brooke Rollins said
03:35that Americans should be able to eat three full square meals
03:37and a snack a day for $15.64.
03:41Oh, sure.
03:42Think of all the extra money you'll save by only living to 55.
03:48And finally, authorities in Florida arrested an 81-year-old woman
03:52last week after she allegedly tried to hire a hitman.
03:55Said the woman,
03:56Here's a quarter now.
03:58And you'll get the other quarter when it's done.
04:02And that was a monologue, everybody!
04:05We're on our way.
04:07Got a great show for you tonight.
04:09You know her from shows like The Crown and Wolf Hall,
04:13as well as films such as All of Us Strangers,
04:16First Men, and Women Talking.
04:18Currently, she's starring in H is for Hawk,
04:20which is in theaters Friday.
04:21Claire Foy is back on the show, everybody.
04:25And he's a terrific comedian,
04:27a wildly popular podcast host,
04:29whose new series, Free Burt,
04:30premieres Thursday on Netflix.
04:32Burt Kreischer will be joining the show.
04:34For the first time, I'm so excited he's here.
04:37Before we get to all that,
04:38Donald Trump addressed world leaders in Davos
04:41and gave a very normal speech,
04:42in which he repeatedly confused Greenland with Iceland,
04:45called Windmills Losers,
04:47said U.S. gives Canada freebies,
04:49mocked the president of France for wearing sunglasses,
04:51made up a new country called Aburbanjan,
04:54and told the crowd in Switzerland,
04:56where the majority of people speak German,
04:58that without the United States,
05:00they would be speaking German,
05:02which is what they already speak.
05:05For more on this,
05:06it's time for Seth Stares at the Ceiling
05:09and Hopes the Bad News Goes Away.
05:18Okay, Wally, show me the next card.
05:21Sorry, Seth.
05:24Fine, for more on this,
05:25it's time for A Closer Look.
05:30We keep harping on this because, in many ways,
05:33it's the single most overlooked fact
05:35of American politics right now.
05:36Donald Trump is very unpopular.
05:38A new poll from The Economist
05:40shows President Trump's approval rating
05:41is on the slide just one year into his second term.
05:45Just 37% of Americans approve of the job
05:47the president has been doing.
05:48A new CBS News YouGov poll asked Americans
05:52how they feel about his presidency.
05:54The top answer, 54% said uneasy.
05:5851% responded frustrated.
06:0047% say they feel unsafe.
06:0342% are exhausted.
06:0525% reply they are confident.
06:08And 21% are satisfied.
06:10Only 21% were satisfied.
06:12Did they poll Americans or my ex-girlfriends?
06:14Rimshot.
06:17Sorry, we can't afford to pay a drummer
06:19for an actual rimshot anymore,
06:21so we just had to record someone
06:23saying the words rimshot.
06:25We're also out of money for music,
06:27so going forward, the title card for this segment
06:29will sound like this.
06:31Time for A Closer Look.
06:37I also have to ask, I have to ask,
06:39only 42% of Americans are exhausted,
06:43and the other 58, are they what,
06:45drinking Red Bull now with cocaine?
06:48The only people I know who aren't exhausted
06:50are my kids who keep coming into our bedroom
06:52at 3 in the morning like it's the middle of the day.
06:54Last night, my daughter said the back of her knee hurt.
06:57My son said he had a dream where orcas lived on land,
07:00to which I said, at least one of you is lying.
07:04You guys, I'm starting to think I'd be exhausted
07:05no matter who the president was,
07:06but Trump isn't helping, and I'm not the only one.
07:08Trump's also facing stiff opposition abroad.
07:11We're watching large protests take place
07:13in Greenland and Denmark today,
07:17as President Trump escalates his threats
07:19to take over the semi-autonomous Danish territory.
07:23At the U.S. Embassy in Copenhagen today,
07:25protesters show their support for Greenland's sovereignty.
07:28Visitors in Davos could see a glow
07:30in those snow-capped mountains
07:31after the sun set this evening,
07:33after a group of 10 local residents
07:36hiked up the mountain with 450 torches
07:39to spell out one message
07:40that shone down across the valley.
07:42No kings.
07:43That's in Switzerland.
07:44Their whole thing is being neutral.
07:46When you don't want to take sides in an argument,
07:48you say, I'm Switzerland.
07:49Now, if you say mid-argument that you're Switzerland,
07:52it means you're about to go up to the top of a mountain
07:54to leave a message written in fire.
07:57That's how unpopular Trump is.
07:59Angry villagers are trying to scare him with torches
08:02like he's Frankenstein.
08:05And not the sexy Jacob Elordi Frankenstein, either.
08:09Guillermo del Toro, stop making us horny for monsters.
08:13What's next?
08:14Hot Bigfoot, played by Paul Meskel?
08:17You know what I said as a joke,
08:19but now I'm kind of into it.
08:20And look, it's not just the locals in Copenhagen and Davos.
08:23Even world leaders are aghast and confused
08:25to Trump's behavior.
08:26And we know that from private text messages
08:28that were leaked by Trump himself.
08:31Trump has come out on Truth Social
08:32and posted what appears to be a text message, Shane,
08:35with the French president, Emmanuel Macron.
08:38This is what it seems Macron has written to the president.
08:41Again, all we know is that this is what Trump has posted.
08:44It says, from President Macron to President Trump,
08:46my friend, we are totally in line on Syria.
08:49We can do great things on Iran.
08:50I do not understand what you are doing on Greenland.
08:53Again, to be clear, Trump posted that message,
08:55quite possibly before he read all the way to the end.
08:58Oh, Macron wrote. Let's see here.
09:00My friend, that's nice. Okay.
09:03In line on Syria, that's very good to hear.
09:05Good to hear.
09:06Great things on Iran.
09:08You know what? This is all very positive.
09:09I've read enough. Let's get this out to the public.
09:11You sure you don't want to just read to the end, sir?
09:14I've already read, like, all of it.
09:16It's such a long text.
09:18Put me in the 42% of Americans who are exhausted.
09:22In fact, Denmark did something that would have been unthinkable not long ago.
09:26They sent military assets to Greenland to protect it from us.
09:30As Trump ramps up his threats,
09:32Denmark now increasing their military presence in Greenland
09:35and asking other NATO allies to help.
09:37Sweden today also sending troops.
09:39That's right.
09:40Sweden is now on a war footing against the United States.
09:44Of course, we all know they've been waging psychological warfare for years
09:47with their insidious directions.
09:52If history is any guide,
09:54this means Republicans are going to start calling Swedish meatballs freedom balls.
09:59Same people who stormed the Capitol on January 6th
10:01are going to storm their local Ikea.
10:03We're taking the Ektorp and the Askerson for America!
10:07So, in his speech to Davos today,
10:09Trump responded to the unrest he's caused
10:11by claiming both that he wouldn't use force to take Greenland,
10:14but also, if he did, he could absolutely wreck Denmark.
10:18We probably won't get anything
10:19unless I decide to use excessive strength and force
10:22where we would be, frankly, unstoppable.
10:27But I won't do that.
10:30Okay?
10:31Now everyone's saying, oh, good.
10:33That's probably the biggest statement I made
10:36because people thought I would use force.
10:38I don't have to use force.
10:39I don't want to use force.
10:40I won't use force.
10:41Okay, but when you say it like that,
10:43it sounds like you might still use force.
10:47Also, people thought you might use force
10:49because you refused to rule out using force.
10:51That's one of the many frustrating things about the Trump era.
10:54He quotes us, quoting him,
10:56and that makes us sound crazy.
10:58Like, he could say,
10:59I was watching Seth Meyers last night, bad guy,
11:02and he said I was threatening to take over Greenland,
11:05which is a part of Denmark,
11:06because I didn't get a Nobel Peace Prize,
11:07which comes from Norway.
11:08I mean, that's crazy.
11:09Can you believe they led this guy on TV?
11:12And I'd be like, but that's what you wrote.
11:15And it wouldn't matter.
11:16They'd still put me in an institution,
11:18which was my plan all along,
11:20because in an institution, my kids can't wake me up.
11:25I'm going to sleep like a baby in my straitjacket.
11:27So Trump's now suddenly acting
11:29like he was never going to use force to seize Greenland.
11:31I wonder where everyone got that idea.
11:34The White House is explicitly putting the threat
11:36of military action against a NATO ally
11:39on the table in the case of Greenland.
11:42This is a new statement from Caroline Levitt
11:43just into CNBC moments ago.
11:45She says,
11:46President Trump has made it well known
11:47that acquiring Greenland
11:48is a national security priority of the United States.
11:52Utilizing the U.S. military
11:54is always an option
11:55at the commander-in-chief's disposal.
11:58Greenland should be part of the United States.
11:59Nobody's going to fight the United States militarily
12:02over the future of Greenland.
12:04Greenland should make the deal
12:05because Greenland does not want to see
12:07Russia or China take over.
12:09They don't go there.
12:10It's very far away from Greenland.
12:12And Greenland, basically,
12:14their defense is two dog sleds.
12:16Do you know that?
12:17You know what their defense is?
12:18Two dog sleds.
12:20Oh, I'm sorry.
12:20Did I miss something?
12:21Is this the Comedy Central roast of Greenland?
12:25Can we play that back one more time?
12:27Basically, their defense is two dog sleds.
12:29Do you know them?
12:30Do you know what their defense is?
12:32Two dog sleds.
12:34Grimshaw!
12:35And, for what it's worth,
12:37I actually think sled dogs
12:39would be a very effective defense
12:40against the Trump administration
12:41because, as we've established before,
12:44Donald Trump hates dogs.
12:46CNN is dying like a dog.
12:48I dropped him like a dog.
12:49He's a guy that was thrown out of his family business
12:52like a dog.
12:52I'm sweating like a dog up here.
12:54They are cheating dogs.
12:55She lied like a dog.
12:58He was fired like a dog, he was fired.
13:01She basically choked and froze like a dog.
13:05Trump hates dogs so much
13:06that if you surrounded Greenland
13:08with an army of huskies,
13:09I think he would back off.
13:10We better stay away from those dogs.
13:12They're liars and they're cheaters
13:13and they sweat a lot, too.
13:16And they're angry because they just got fired.
13:19But the point is,
13:20Trump says he wants Greenland
13:21because it is strategically crucial.
13:23And you can tell how important it is
13:25because of the way Trump talks about it
13:28in his speech at Davos.
13:30I'm helping Europe.
13:32I'm helping NATO.
13:33And until the last few days
13:35when I told them about Iceland,
13:37they loved me.
13:38They're not there for us on Iceland.
13:41That I can tell you.
13:42I mean, our stock market took the first dip yesterday
13:44because of Iceland.
13:46So Iceland's already cost us a lot of money.
13:49Greenland!
13:50He can't even remember the name
13:52of the territory he wants to conquer.
13:54Hold on.
13:54I'm going to try staring at the ceiling again.
14:00Wally?
14:03We are?
14:04Yeah, and there's more bad news.
14:07Oh.
14:12By the way,
14:12Joe Biden used to mix up
14:15the names of countries all the time,
14:16and it was a huge story.
14:18But he was never threatening
14:19to invade any of the countries
14:21he was mixing up.
14:22I mean, this is so much worse.
14:23We have an addled 79-year-old
14:24with his finger on the button
14:25who could, at any point,
14:27order a military invasion
14:28of the wrong country.
14:29My fellow Americans,
14:31tonight I've authorized
14:31a military operation against Iceland.
14:34We're sending the same guys
14:35we used in Minnesota
14:36because they're so comfortable
14:37with the cold, like this guy.
14:39My teeth are there!
14:41Oh!
14:41Oh!
14:42Oh!
14:42Oh!
14:45I've just been informed
14:46our troops have slipped and fallen
14:48while invaded Iceland,
14:49and they're currently surrounded
14:50by an army of lethal Malamutes.
14:54Americans don't want any of this,
14:55which is why Trump's numbers
14:56in the polls keep hitting new lows.
14:58He's already at 37%,
14:59and he's only one year into his term.
15:01If he keeps this up,
15:02by the time he leaves office,
15:03he'll be down two...
15:04Two dog sleds.
15:05That's so bad.
15:06A closer look.
15:07Done.
15:08Done.
15:08Done.
15:09Done.
15:09Done.
15:09Done.
15:09Done.
15:09Done.
15:09Done.
15:11Done.
15:12Let's play it for you, everybody.
15:20For more of Seth's closer looks,
15:22be sure to subscribe to Late Night on YouTube.
15:33Our first guest tonight is an Emmy Award-winning actor,
15:36as you know from shows such as The Crown and Wolf Hall,
15:39and films like All of Us Strangers,
15:41The Girl in the Spider's Web,
15:42First Man,
15:42and Women Talking.
15:43She stars in H is for Hawk,
15:45which will be in theaters this Friday.
15:47Let's take a look.
15:48Mabel.
15:50Come on, Mabes.
15:51Oh, she's distracted.
15:52Hang on.
15:53Mabel.
15:53Give her a moment.
15:55Just present a little more of the chick.
15:58Come on, Mabes.
16:00There, she sees it.
16:01Mabel, come on.
16:02There you go.
16:02What's that bear?
16:03Give her a moment.
16:05She's coming.
16:06Oh, Stu.
16:06Come on, Mabel.
16:07Come on.
16:08There you go.
16:10Get that chick off her.
16:11Amazing.
16:12Well done, Mabes.
16:13Well done.
16:14Bring her back.
16:14We'll go further.
16:15Two or three yards.
16:17Okay.
16:20Good girl.
16:22Please welcome back to the show,
16:24Claire Foy, everybody.
16:40I love that.
16:42I love that.
16:43So nice to see you.
16:44And you.
16:45Thanks for having me.
16:46I'm going to have so many questions
16:47about working with Hawks.
16:49Okay.
16:50But I also, before we get to that,
16:51it's lovely to have you in New York City.
16:53Have you ever lived in New York City?
16:54I shot a film.
16:56I shot a Steven Soderbergh film here.
16:58Here and in White Plains.
16:59Okay.
17:00They say when you're here,
17:01you gotta go to White Plains.
17:02Gotta go.
17:04And I loved it.
17:06But that was the only time I lived,
17:07like, shot here or lived here.
17:08When you're in New York City,
17:09is there anything you have to do
17:11when you're here?
17:13Eat.
17:14Eat.
17:17That's about it, really.
17:18I just go around eating.
17:19So you're not like,
17:19you're not like a big shopper or anything.
17:21No, I am.
17:22Okay.
17:22But I'd take eating over shopping if I could.
17:24Okay, that's good, Doug.
17:25Yeah.
17:26I think that's a very strong way to go about things.
17:27Yeah.
17:28Yeah.
17:29The hawk.
17:30You know, it's very nice in this day and age
17:32to not see a hawk
17:33that was digitally added afterwards.
17:35Isn't it?
17:36That's a real hawk.
17:37Real hawk, all the time.
17:38Yeah.
17:38Five different hawks.
17:39Okay, so you worked with,
17:40the Mabel is the hawk's name,
17:42but there were more than one hawk playing Mabel.
17:44She's got multiple personalities, yeah.
17:46So it's five different, five different persons.
17:47Was it based on the scene?
17:49It was based on what you needed Mabel to do that day?
17:51Yeah, exactly, basically.
17:51This is a real emotional scene,
17:53so we're going to get hawk three.
17:54Yeah, get the one that can cry in.
17:55The crying hawk, yeah.
17:57The crying hawk.
17:57Oh, my God, that is a moneymaker.
17:59If you could teach a hawk how to cry.
18:01Just one single tear.
18:02The one tear going down the feathers?
18:05How did you,
18:06did you have any hesitation about working with hawks?
18:11No, and I probably should have done.
18:14But I think I didn't, I suppose I didn't,
18:17I don't know.
18:17If I wasn't good at falconry,
18:19then the film wouldn't have been made,
18:20so I had to be good at falconry.
18:23Well, and I guess you are playing someone
18:25who is sort of learning the ropes of falconry as well.
18:28Yeah, well, I mean, Helen was a really gifted falconer,
18:31but it's more that they'd never had this type of bird.
18:34A goshawks are, like, notoriously pretty tricky.
18:37Gotcha.
18:37Yeah, so...
18:38So being, working with a tricky goshawk
18:41was also, I guess, what the character was doing as well.
18:43Yeah, yeah.
18:44And were there any harrowing moments with the hawk,
18:47or ultimately was it all under control?
18:49It was all totally under control, all the time.
18:53But I realized afterwards that they were quite afraid.
18:56Gotcha.
18:57As in production.
18:57At the wrap party.
18:58They were like, thank God you're alive!
19:02There was a moment there where...
19:03Oh, the hawks weren't afraid.
19:05The people, like, the hawk handlers
19:06were, like, the ones who weren't afraid?
19:07Well, they were just like, what's, how's this gonna go?
19:09Yeah.
19:10And there's a thing that hawks, well,
19:11that birds of prey do, which is called footing,
19:13which is where they don't land on your glove,
19:15they land on you, like, your skin.
19:17And they've got very long talons.
19:18Footing is far too, like, cute a term for...
19:23It should be claw-facing, I would maybe call it.
19:26Yeah.
19:26Eye-gouching.
19:27Yeah.
19:28But they, luckily for me, that only happened
19:30in, like, the last shot of the whole film.
19:32It was the first time it happened.
19:33Oh, the first time you got footed?
19:34Yeah.
19:34And how...
19:35And it felt like it was like, see you, bye.
19:38We wanted to leave you with a parting gift.
19:41Yeah.
19:42Did you, do you feel like at the end of the film,
19:45you had a favorite hawk to work with?
19:46Or, be honest, could you tell which day
19:48which hawk was working?
19:50Yeah.
19:50You could.
19:51I had two favorites.
19:52Okay.
19:53Yeah, my more cuddly hawks.
19:54Oh, really?
19:55Because the other two hawks,
19:56one was a hunting hawk, which was absolutely terrifying.
19:58Okay.
19:59And the other one was, didn't,
20:01wasn't supposed to like me.
20:02Okay.
20:02That's what I'm telling myself.
20:04And I don't think she did.
20:05And then the other two were emotional support hawks.
20:07Yeah.
20:08Yeah.
20:08Would you, by the end of the film,
20:10did you, like, kind of walk out being like,
20:12I might want to get, like, a hawk of my own?
20:15Uh, no.
20:16Okay.
20:16Yeah.
20:17It's quite, it's difficult, guys.
20:20Yeah.
20:20I wouldn't recommend it.
20:22I would also imagine nature happens
20:24over the course of a shoot day, right?
20:26Like, the hawks don't, like, say they need a break
20:28to, like, go relieve themselves.
20:30Oh, I see, I thought you meant, like, trees and plants and stuff.
20:32I was like, during a shoot day,
20:33they always happen.
20:33No, I meant just, like, yeah,
20:35yeah.
20:36Yeah.
20:37She, they a lot.
20:38Oh, yeah.
20:39And really, you never knew when it was coming.
20:41Yeah.
20:42And it's projectile.
20:42Did it ever, like, ruin a take?
20:44Was there ever a moment where, like,
20:45it was an emotional scene,
20:46and then the hawk was just, like...
20:48Just had to go.
20:49Yeah.
20:49Well, no, it's in the, if, you know,
20:51I mean, the hawk did do lots of poos,
20:52but many of the poos are in the film.
20:54Oh.
20:55Yeah.
20:55Oh, that's lovely.
20:56We didn't want to waste the moment.
20:57Yeah.
20:58Right.
20:58It is about real hawks.
20:59Yeah, exactly.
21:01So, Helen, you're playing character Helen,
21:03and this is, this is, I mean,
21:05it's a story about, you know,
21:06she loses her father,
21:07and she's grieving,
21:08and this is kind of one of the ways
21:10she's dealing with it,
21:11and it's based on a book from 2014.
21:13Were you familiar with the book at all?
21:15No.
21:16So, I mean, which is shameful, really,
21:18because it was a New York Times bestseller,
21:19so probably should have...
21:20You can't read all the books.
21:21That's true.
21:22Yeah.
21:23But it actually,
21:24a lot of people who made the film
21:26ended up having, like,
21:27a real strong connection to the book,
21:28and I did as well.
21:29It meant a lot to someone really close to me,
21:30because people pass the book down.
21:32It goes, like, people pass it around
21:35because it means so much to people.
21:36So, I knew how sort of significant it was,
21:39but I hadn't read it myself.
21:40That's wonderful.
21:41I have a lot more questions.
21:41Do you mind sticking around?
21:42Sure.
21:43You guys, this is Claire Foy.
21:58Welcome back.
21:58We're here with Claire Foy.
22:00If you see a bird of prey in the sky now,
22:03do you know what kind it is?
22:04In England, I might.
22:05Really?
22:06Yeah.
22:06You've got sort of different types.
22:08I mean, this is the first I'm hearing about it.
22:11Yeah.
22:12I haven't done a single hawk movie.
22:13Just don't ask me, basically,
22:14is what I'm saying.
22:15But in England, yeah, I could do.
22:16A lot of, because in England,
22:17they, like, are around motorways,
22:20freeways a lot.
22:21The hawks are?
22:23Birds of prey tend to hang around motorways.
22:25They love it.
22:25Is it because of, like, roadkill?
22:27Is it like the cars do the job,
22:28and then they just come down and...
22:30They come up.
22:31Well, no, so gosthawks don't.
22:33Gosthawks are really, really solitary
22:34and, like, are in the woodland,
22:35but, like, buzzards and kestrels
22:37and things like that.
22:38Yeah, buzzards, yeah.
22:39I could see a buzzard on a freeway.
22:41Yeah.
22:42Brendan Gleeson, fantastic actor.
22:44One of my favorites,
22:45and he plays your father in the film.
22:47Had you ever worked with him before?
22:48No, no.
22:49Never worked with him.
22:50Loved him from afar.
22:52Because it is a...
22:53I mean, there's some dark elements
22:54about this movie.
22:55Obviously, it's like dealing with grieving,
22:56and Brendan strikes me as someone
22:58who brings a lot of light
22:59to the proceedings.
23:00Is it nice to have the balance
23:01of someone like that?
23:03Yeah, I mean, everyone missed him,
23:05you know, and Alistair MacDonald,
23:07who is Helen's father,
23:08was a really, really famous photographer,
23:11but also just a really good man,
23:12and Brendan's a really, really good man.
23:15So, you know, I missed him,
23:16everyone missed him,
23:17so he left, like, a real hole
23:18when he went,
23:19which is really important,
23:20I think, for the film.
23:21I read once that you build playlists
23:23based on the character you're playing.
23:26Yes.
23:26Is that something you still do for films?
23:28Yeah, all the time.
23:29That's fantastic.
23:30Well, yeah, I suppose.
23:33Yeah.
23:34I mean, unfortunately,
23:35am I allowed to say brands?
23:36No.
23:37You can say brands.
23:38So, Apple.
23:39Oh, not that one.
23:39Oh, but...
23:42They...
23:43I must have...
23:44Sorry, I don't know what
23:45I thought you were going to say.
23:46Yeah, but...
23:47No, we're in big trouble now.
23:49We're in big trouble.
23:49Oh, no!
23:50What were you going to say about...
23:52That brand.
23:53They...
23:53No, I did an update or something.
23:55Oh, yeah, you lose all your songs.
23:57I lost, like, 15 of my playlists.
23:59I've got all my songs
23:59because I buy my music.
24:00Yeah, yeah, yeah.
24:00Because I like buying my music.
24:02But, yeah, so I lost 15 years of characters,
24:05but that's okay.
24:06Oh, my God.
24:06Is this a...
24:06What was the...
24:07What first gave you the idea?
24:09Was it something that another actor told you about
24:11or was this independently?
24:12You were like,
24:12I think this would be a nice way
24:13for me to find a character.
24:14No, I think it's just music has a way, doesn't it?
24:17I don't want to be too cheesy,
24:19but it affects you in a way that nothing else does.
24:22Yeah.
24:22And it can encapsulate a feeling
24:24and a moment in a way that nothing else can.
24:26So it's just...
24:26That's what helps me emotionally, I suppose.
24:28I would also...
24:29I mean, again,
24:29you've never played a one-dimensional character,
24:31so is the musical...
24:32I mean...
24:34Well...
24:35All right, name him.
24:36No, but, like, I would imagine also, like,
24:38you don't just pick one kind of song, right?
24:40Like, I would imagine you try to pick different things.
24:42Yeah, and the thing that I find most helpful a lot
24:45is, like, I tend to play people
24:47who are going through sort of traumatic situations
24:49in lots of things that I'm in,
24:51and I find that finding sort of the moment,
24:53like, a song that encapsulates them before that happened,
24:56like, then they tend to be quite happy.
24:57Like, happier songs often make us more emotional
25:00because they remind us of something
25:01that maybe isn't, you know, has gone by
25:03or something like that.
25:04I think that, yeah.
25:04But, yeah, when you hear a song,
25:05you're like, oh, I'm not as happy as I was
25:07when I heard that the first time.
25:08Yeah, basically, yeah.
25:09It would be really fun
25:09if we now played your playlist for Helen
25:11and it was just...
25:12It was just hawks screeching.
25:16Raaah!
25:17What does the hawk sound like?
25:18Will you do it?
25:19Please?
25:21No, well, they're not supposed to really make any noise.
25:24Well, they do make noise, but...
25:25Yeah, because they're hunters.
25:26They've got to be quiet.
25:26They're like, shh!
25:28There's a mouse coming.
25:29They don't hunt mice.
25:31They're the only bird that goes, shh!
25:33That's their noise.
25:34They famously shush other hawks.
25:37Shut up!
25:38Shut up!
25:39There's a mouse!
25:40Why are you talking?
25:44It's a beautiful film.
25:45Thank you so much for being here.
25:46It's so lovely to see you again.
25:48I really appreciate it.
25:48You guys, Claire Foy!
25:50Each of the hawks and your feeders are trying to stick around
25:53and be right back at birth.
26:06Our next guest, a very funny comedian and popular podcast host,
26:10his new series, Free Burt, premieres Thursday on Netflix.
26:14Let's take a look.
26:15Can you forgive me?
26:16It's fine.
26:17Just don't let it happen again.
26:19Hold on.
26:20It was that easy.
26:21You don't hate me?
26:23No.
26:24Oh, she's way past that.
26:26Now that Zach Kochkis started DMing her.
26:28What?
26:29How would you know that unless you went through my phone?
26:30Because I went through your phone, bitch!
26:32How do you know?
26:34Please welcome to the show, Bert Kreiser, everybody!
26:52How are you?
26:53I am spectacular.
26:56I'm so happy to have you here.
26:57And before I get to your wonderful show,
26:59I want to compliment the leather pants.
27:01Yeah, thank you, Seth.
27:04I don't want to lay on my deathbed one day and think,
27:06wow, I never wore leather pants.
27:09Yeah.
27:10Let me tell you, when you fart in leather pants, it's yours.
27:12Oh, wow.
27:13Yeah, it's like peeing in a wetsuit.
27:15Oh, yeah.
27:15It stays.
27:16It stays.
27:17And I have crazy gas.
27:19I'm on Manjaro, so.
27:21Hey, you've often talked about, you know,
27:24your family on stage, right?
27:25Like, they've always been fair game to you.
27:27Yeah.
27:27But now this is a show that's also based on your life.
27:30And, by the way, two fantastic, the actors you found for your kids
27:33are unbelievable.
27:34That clip is my favorite clip.
27:36That's my favorite clip.
27:36That is exactly who those girls are.
27:38But it must be strange casting your own family.
27:42Like, what was that process like?
27:45So my wife's a redneck, you know, and she has an accent.
27:49And it was crazy watching people do research on podcasts
27:53and specials about these people and then come in doing
27:56their impression of these people.
27:58Right.
27:58And, by the way, you're the one who provided the research.
28:01Oh, yeah.
28:01I make my wife's accents.
28:03Like, I talk like this.
28:05And people were coming in just committing hate crimes.
28:07And my wife's in the room.
28:09They're like, well, I do.
28:11I don't get so much about what I'm saying, you know.
28:14And my wife's like, I can't understand her.
28:16And I was like, she's talking the same language.
28:18Yeah, the girls were great.
28:20The girls were wild.
28:20But watching people audition for Leanne was hysterical.
28:24And the woman that booked at Arden Marine nailed it.
28:27Yeah.
28:27First person walked in the room.
28:29Leanne, as she left, Leanne goes, that's me.
28:31Yeah.
28:31Arden's great.
28:32She's amazing.
28:32I'm a big fan of her.
28:33She's backstage.
28:34She's backstage.
28:34Let her hear it.
28:35Yeah.
28:35Give it up for Arden.
28:38The girls on the show, younger than your daughters now, correct?
28:42Yes, yes, yes.
28:42But your daughters must have, what was their trepidation knowing that you were going to cast them?
28:49I want you to hear this, because, okay, they tried to kill the project.
28:55They legit were like, yo, I'm not cool with it.
28:58I'm going to reach out to your lawyer.
28:59And I was like, what?
29:01Oh, they didn't even think you would consider not doing it.
29:04Oh, no, they're like, we know you're going to leverage our lives and our, yeah.
29:07And so they try to kill it.
29:09They go, I don't want my names used.
29:11I don't want my likeness used.
29:12I'm not going to agree to this.
29:13And then I was like, yo, you don't kill it before a pickup.
29:15Wait until we get picked up for six episodes, then negotiate.
29:18And so we shot the pilot.
29:20We showed them the pilot.
29:21And in the first episode, there's a dinner scene where I have royally screwed up, and
29:26they let me have it.
29:27And my girls watched it, and they're like, oh, you're making fun of dad.
29:31Yeah.
29:32And they're like, oh, dad's an idiot.
29:33This is great.
29:34Oh, we're going to love this.
29:36And then they came to set, and they were like, this is so good.
29:40They're like, and you even got fatter to play dad?
29:42How great is that?
29:44Do they, are they of the kind of kids that like to go see their dad do stand-up?
29:49No.
29:50Dude, I did my daughter's in college, and I did the arena in her town.
29:55And so I'm a proud dad.
29:56I go, yo, I got the backstage locked up.
29:58I got bartenders.
29:59I own my own vodka.
30:00It's decked out in vodka, poros.
30:01I got booze.
30:02I got food.
30:03I got a big spread.
30:04Bring all your friends.
30:05I'll take care of everything.
30:07And on the very last day, she calls me up.
30:09She goes, I'm not coming.
30:10And I go, baby.
30:11And I'm kind of hurt.
30:13She goes, dad, I don't really want to bring all my friends to a show where my dad talks about
30:17having sex with my mom.
30:19Yeah.
30:20And then calls me and my sister idiots for an hour.
30:23And I was like, oh, yeah, I guess that would be awkward.
30:26Yeah, obviously, you're an incredible performer on stage.
30:29It is, though, still, even when you're playing yourself, it's acting.
30:33Like, did you find it easy to act?
30:35I know you've done versions of this before, but like...
30:37Versions of me?
30:38Versions.
30:38Well, you've played versions of yourself.
30:40I've played me in The Machine, the movie, and I'm playing me.
30:42I play me really good.
30:44Yeah, yeah.
30:44Yeah, I play.
30:45I got one fastball, and it's me.
30:47By the way, as a guy who sits behind a desk as himself, I am not judging.
30:52Dude, my acting chops suck.
30:55I mean, you'll like it in this show because I'm playing me.
30:58Yeah, it's very good.
30:59By the way, I would not say...
31:01You're great in it.
31:01Oh, thank you.
31:03But like, yeah, I'm not...
31:04Like, when other actors work with me, they're always shocked.
31:07Because, like, I'm not prepared.
31:08Yeah.
31:08I don't read the script.
31:11You do help write.
31:12I write it, but I don't read it after I wrote it.
31:14And then I just come in, and then I can't learn a scene off memory.
31:18I have to block it first.
31:21And the worst is, like, in life.
31:23And I don't know if you noticed here.
31:24I'm not a really good listener.
31:26And in the second episode, there's this very pivotal scene of the whole series where this
31:31father is talking to me about his son.
31:34And I'm supposed to listen.
31:35And I don't listen.
31:37And I'm doing it, and I hear Tony Hernandez, Lily, and my wife cracking up in Video Village.
31:41And I get done, and I come up, and I go, what was I doing wrong?
31:43And they're laughing hysterically, and they're like, no, no, no, no, no.
31:46Watching you pretend like someone who's listening is the funniest thing we've ever seen in our life.
31:52They're like, you're doing a version of someone listening, like...
31:56All right, so you are kind of famously known, and it happens in the first episode of this
32:02show as well, performing shirtless, which is, I will say, like, it seems like a stroke
32:07of genius, but when it first happened, it did not come from a place of genius.
32:11No, no, no, I was in Dayton, Ohio, 75 tickets, not sold, comped, Thursday night, I was making $1,300
32:18a week,
32:19half of which went to managers and agents, and I did not want to be there.
32:22I wanted to be home with my kids.
32:23So where were you living at the time?
32:24Were you in L.A. then?
32:25I was in L.A., my wife was running an apartment building, we had free rent, and I was making
32:28no money.
32:29Okay, so you're across the country in a room with nobody in Dayton, Ohio.
32:33And I'm in the corner going, I don't want to be here.
32:35And Doc, the manager of the Dayton Funny Bone, brought a bucket of beers, and he said,
32:43have a good time, try to have a good time.
32:44And he played Ram Jam from the DJ booth, and I walked on stage, and I just killed a beer,
32:50and I put it down, and then I just ripped my shirt off, and the room went crazy,
32:54and I started giggling at how stupid it was, and I got put in a good mood.
32:58And immediately, I was like, oh, this is what it should be.
33:00It should be fun and loose and crazy and wild, and so I started taking my shirt off.
33:03And then, one night, and I put it back on.
33:05One night, I'm in Columbus, Ohio.
33:07I rip it off.
33:08I keep it off, because something happens in the room, and 20 minutes in, I go, oh, I
33:12should put it back on.
33:13And this woman in the back just goes, keep it off.
33:17And from that day forward, I have kept my shirt off.
33:22It's amazing.
33:23Yeah, yeah, yeah.
33:25The best, Seth, I've got to tell you this story.
33:28So sometimes I get recognized, and people will say in public, can I get a picture?
33:32I go, yeah, of course.
33:33They go, can you take your shirt off?
33:35So this is, so I'm in a NASCAR event, okay?
33:38Trying to close the deal with NASCAR.
33:40We're doing the party the night before the Daytona 500.
33:42It's still happening.
33:43Leonard Skinner, me, Diplo, Beth.
33:44Anyway, so I'm trying to close the deal.
33:47I'm almost closed the deal with NASCAR.
33:49All I got to do is get out of the race.
33:50Coca-Cola 600.
33:52I'm leaving the suites.
33:53I'm about to get in the elevator.
33:55The door next to the elevator opens, and it's a 13-year-old boy and his mom, and he sees
33:59me, and he goes, oh, the machine!
34:02And now I'm looking.
34:03I'm like, all right, lower demographic.
34:05I get recognized.
34:05Cool.
34:06He goes, can I get a picture?
34:07I go, absolutely.
34:08He goes, can you take your shirt off?
34:11So I look around, and NASCAR's like, yeah, yeah.
34:13So I take my shirt off.
34:14I got my arm around this child.
34:18He hands his phone to his mom, and his mom's my age.
34:22His mom's confused.
34:22She goes, who are you?
34:25I said, I'm a gay porn star.
34:29You should get to know your son.
34:31And this kid, without missing a beat, looks at me, and he goes, real cool, dude.
34:37We get into the elevator, and the dudes in the elevator were with me, go, there's absolutely
34:42no way that he's going to convince his mom, at 13, that he's fans of a 53-year-old, shirtless
34:49comedian named The Machine.
34:52He's like, you screwed that kid.
34:54You screwed that kid.
34:57You gave him a memory.
34:59I would argue you gave him a memory.
35:01So I did not realize this was part of your biography, Bert, but you went to Florida State
35:07University, which was named the number one party school by Rolling Stone magazine.
35:12Where did you go to school?
35:13I went to Northwestern University.
35:14We were number 300 party school.
35:17But like reading school?
35:18Yeah, we did reading.
35:19Yeah.
35:21It was a good reading school.
35:22And you went to Florida State, and this is the craziest thing, though.
35:28You were named the top partier at the top party school in America.
35:33This is 1997.
35:36And let me read.
35:37Bert, I'm going to go to it.
35:38It has taken the Florida State University students six years to become the man he is
35:42today.
35:44The top partier at the number one party school in the country.
35:47So I was going to say we're probably the same age, but I think we might be exactly the
35:52same age if you did six years.
35:54Oh, yeah.
35:54Yeah, I was in there for a while.
35:56I didn't know what I was going to do with my life.
35:58Thank God, Rolling Stone came and discovered me.
36:00And so what was it about your reputation?
36:02I mean, by the way, like, this is a guy who, I mean, you made it, right?
36:05Graduated.
36:06There you go.
36:06Graduated.
36:07Yeah.
36:07Well, hold on.
36:08Pump your brakes.
36:09I had to take classes through the Florida State Prison System while I was in New York starting
36:14stand-up.
36:15They would send me a box of books and, like, three tests and be like, send it back.
36:20It was tough.
36:21For a guy who didn't like reading, I had to read Grapes of Wrath.
36:24I had to read it and write a report on it.
36:27It's a snooze.
36:28Yeah.
36:29So you come to New York.
36:29You know you want to be a stand-up.
36:31And that's like before you officially graduate?
36:33You make the move up here?
36:33I walked.
36:35I didn't graduate.
36:36I came up here.
36:36Gotcha.
36:37And so, yeah, I moved up here to start stand-up and got a job at Barnes & Noble down
36:41on Astro
36:41Place.
36:41Oh, my God.
36:42That's ironic.
36:43Why?
36:44Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
36:46Wait, hold on.
36:46Shut up.
36:47I didn't know what ironic was.
36:48Stop.
36:49Hold on.
36:49Shut up.
36:50Hold on.
36:51Shut up.
36:51And you don't know what ironic is either.
36:54That is ironic.
36:55That is ironic.
36:56I thought it was an oxymoron.
36:58I'm just going to say, I feel like you might have told a couple white lies in the interview.
37:03I told them I could speak Russian.
37:07And the chick in the room was Russian.
37:10Oh, no.
37:10Wait, in the interview?
37:12In the interview, I was like, who saw that coming?
37:14We beat them.
37:15What are they doing here?
37:17And then she starts speaking me in Russian.
37:19And I said to her in Russian, which means next stop, Gorkovskaya.
37:28And she started laughing, because that's what they say on the subways.
37:31And then I got the job.
37:33She goes, this guy.
37:34This guy's funny.
37:36But so you were working at Barnes & Noble, and you started doing stand-up.
37:40Yes.
37:40And, but you must have, I mean, like, again, you're giving yourself a hard time,
37:44but you must have known how to structure the ideas of doing stand-up.
37:46Did you take to it right away when you started doing stand-up in New York?
37:49Yes.
37:49Immediately, yes.
37:50And then immediately, no.
37:51Okay.
37:52Meaning, like, I was good right away at storytelling, and then I wanted to be, like, a joke writer.
37:56Yeah.
37:56But that's not who I am.
37:57I really am, like, a Florida man.
37:59I am a guy who sits around a bonfire, sits at a bar, tells stories.
38:02And once, I got to give credit to Joe Rogan.
38:05Joe Rogan told me, when I told the machine to him, he goes, that's who you are.
38:09Yeah.
38:09You need to start telling stories.
38:10I learned how to tell that story over four years.
38:12And in the process of that, I really found my voice.
38:15Yeah.
38:15And so, and doing The Road, those shows in Dayton where you had to fill an hour.
38:19And so, yeah, storytelling is my natural, it's what I love the most.
38:23It's, I love a great story.
38:25But, yeah, that, those early years were, like, amazing.
38:28But it's, I mean, it really is something, and I feel like it's a great message to any young comedians,
38:32which is, like, you, it's a mistake to try to be every comedian.
38:34Like, you ultimately have to figure out which comedian you are.
38:37And it's really nice you ended up doing the version of you that we all so much enjoy today.
38:41Look, you're not, you're not a good stand-up until you're 40.
38:43That's how I feel.
38:44Like, you got to learn who you are.
38:45You got to live a life.
38:46You got to experience life.
38:47Thank God.
38:48I always say this.
38:49Thank God my success showed up late in life and not at, like, 27.
38:53Yeah.
38:53Because at 27 and you get success, you believe that's who you are.
38:58And then at 50, at 44 when I got success, I go, this is just something that happened to me.
39:03You know?
39:03Right.
39:04Like, when I, Rolling Stone really screwed me up.
39:06And then when I had a ton of failure, it was nice to get success late in life.
39:09And that, and that's where I sit.
39:11Now, I always say, if I could go back in time to that guy in that article, it's crazy.
39:17Because I would just say, hey, lean into it.
39:22Yeah.
39:22Like, keep drinking.
39:23Don't stop drinking.
39:24Don't stop drinking.
39:25Don't stop drinking.
39:26By the way, gain weight.
39:27It's going to work for you.
39:28It's going to work for you.
39:29And, and, and also, the shirtless thing at parties, it works so much better than you know.
39:35Well, the good news is he didn't even need that advice, because here you are.
39:38I am shocked.
39:40Trust me when I say this.
39:41I'm a fan of the show.
39:42I've seen this show.
39:43Never did I think I would be on this show.
39:45And I am shocked that I'm here.
39:46And I'm so pleased and so privileged.
39:48Well, I'm thrilled you're here.
39:49Thank you so much.
39:50Congrats on the show.
39:51It's fantastic.
39:52Hey, everybody.
39:52This is Bert Kreischer.
39:54Free Bert premiered Thursday on Netflix.
40:07Come join the audience at Late Night live in Studio 8G.
40:10For tickets, head over to LateNightSethTickets.com.
40:13Follow us at Late Night Seth on all social media platforms.
40:17Subscribe to Late Night Seth on YouTube.
40:19Find us online at LateNightSeth.com.
40:22And subscribe to the Late Night podcast, featuring a closer look, guest interviews, and more.
40:27Available wherever you listen to podcasts.
40:37I want to thank my guest, Claire Boyd.
40:39Bert Kreischer, everybody.
40:41Thanks for watching.
40:42Love you.
40:57Bye-bye.
40:57Bye-bye.
40:57Bye-bye.
40:57Bye-bye.
40:57You
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