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Have I Got News for You - Season 71 - Episode 01: Roy Wood Jr, Armando Iannucci, Anushka Asthana
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00:35Good evening.
00:38Welcome to Have I Got News For You.
00:40I'm Roy Wood Jr.
00:41I'm from the United States, and I'm sorry.
00:45In the news this week, in Kent, Reform's local council makes good on its promise to provide
00:50brand-new leisure facilities.
00:57As the battle continues between man and machine, there's worrying evidence that humans should
01:04not get complacent.
01:14And while doing a bit of spring gardening, Prince William can't help but think about his Uncle
01:19Andrew's testicles.
01:29On Ian's team tonight, a journalist for Channel 4 News who recently wrote a book about Keir
01:34Starmer.
01:34Now, Starmer hasn't had time to read the book yet, but after the elections in May, he may
01:39have all the time in the world.
01:40Please welcome Anushka Astara.
01:47On Paul's team tonight is a writer and satirist whose father came to Scotland in the late
01:5340s and ran a pizza factory in Glasgow, or as the locals call it, a health food store.
01:59Please welcome Armando Anucci.
02:06As always, we begin with the bigger stories of the week.
02:09Ian and Anushka, what is the story?
02:12That's an address to the nation.
02:15Right, that's a 10-gallon hat.
02:16No-one can afford that anymore.
02:19That's the secretary for war.
02:21Secretary for pumping iron.
02:23Keir Starmer on TikTok.
02:24Yes, I've seen that.
02:27This is the war in Iran.
02:29What did President Trump not foresee when he decided to take on Iran?
02:35Now, bear in mind, we only have half an hour.
02:38He didn't actually foresee anything.
02:40No.
02:41He didn't even foresee the end of the sentence that he was making.
02:45He literally thought that the way to stop wars is to start them.
02:49And historically, that hasn't proved to be true.
02:52No.
02:53Now, before we go any further, I think it's important to note right now that Donald Trump
02:57is currently suing the BBC for $5 billion, so our official opinion about the war is that
03:04it's going tickety-boo.
03:05Everything is great.
03:07Everything is great.
03:08That man is a genius.
03:09And he's also a malignant narcissist, isn't he?
03:12Yeah.
03:13I love your idea that this program has a view.
03:18I don't know about y'all's view.
03:20I'm telling you my view.
03:21Because you know my American version of this show is named in that BBC lawsuit,
03:24so that's why I'm actually over here, is to straighten that shit out.
03:28I'm trying to get my name out the paperwork, baby.
03:31My president is doing a good job.
03:38He literally has claimed in this state of the nation that all of America's war aims
03:43have been fulfilled, which is impossible, because they didn't have any.
03:47Yeah.
03:47And he said he didn't start it, they started it, and what he did was pre-start it,
03:52because he knew they were going to start it.
03:55So he wanted to get in early.
03:56And he is having negotiations with people who aren't imaginary.
03:59No, that's true.
04:02I'd like to make that clear, just in case the libel suit continues.
04:05He's not a fantasist who imagines that the voices in his head
04:09are the opposition negotiating.
04:11That's not his modus operandi.
04:13No, because he's a malignant narcissist.
04:17When he said he's negotiating with himself...
04:20Yes.
04:21And even if he's negotiating...
04:22He's the only person I know who negotiates with himself
04:24and comes out with the worst deal.
04:26LAUGHTER
04:29Anushka, you are the Washington correspondent for Channel 4.
04:33Correct.
04:33Which means you carry a special burden of having to make sense of...
04:38LAUGHTER
04:39I'm a Trump watcher.
04:40I spend hours every day watching him.
04:43What is that like?
04:44Well, it costs a lot in therapy.
04:47LAUGHTER
04:48According to CNN, the Pentagon significantly underestimated Iran's willingness
04:53to close the Strait of Hormuz,
04:56which is a vital shipping route for Gulf countries and global trade.
04:59Now, here's a bloke called Chris Walker posting on X,
05:03saying,
05:03I'm just some guy on his couch in Canada.
05:07LAUGHTER
05:13Let's hear from the president himself about how effective the war has been going.
05:18I can say tonight that we are on track to complete all of America's military objectives shortly,
05:25very shortly.
05:25We are going to hit them extremely hard over the next two to three weeks.
05:31We are going to bring them back to the Stone Ages where they belong.
05:35It's a curious construction map, saying,
05:38we're going to bring them back to the Stone Age where they belong.
05:41It's as though he's welcoming them home to the American Stone Age.
05:46What goal is Donald Trump claiming to have achieved?
05:50Well, a victory.
05:51A regime change?
05:52Because it's new people.
05:53You've got someone completely different who's called Ayatollah Khomeini.
05:57LAUGHTER
05:58He's the son of the man you killed.
05:59Yeah.
06:00It's a good tactic to replace someone who you've murdered with their children,
06:04because on the whole, they like you for that.
06:07They tend to be more sort of soft and reformist.
06:10Bitly dem, this Ayatollah.
06:13According to Donald Trump, there's been a regime change,
06:16because the person at the head of the regime has changed.
06:20LAUGHTER
06:22I wonder what that's like.
06:25That must be nice, though, just to have a regime change there.
06:28Mm-hmm.
06:29That'd be nicer in America.
06:31LAUGHTER
06:32We've had several of those and they don't work.
06:36Don Trump Jr., would that be a regime change?
06:39Oh.
06:41Let's move on.
06:42Yeah, yeah.
06:44Here's Jeremy Vine covering reaction to the news of the death
06:48of the Supreme Leader.
06:50We've got to show you some footage here, by the way,
06:52from Iran, of people dancing like Trump.
06:58So...
06:59CHEERING
07:01This is the...
07:03I believe this is...
07:05Is this in Iran now?
07:06It's in Iran.
07:07It's in Iran.
07:08It's in your man.
07:09Ah!
07:11LAUGHTER
07:14So that...
07:15I gather that's in Iran, and they're doing the Trump dance,
07:17which is just basically a very slight move of the hips,
07:19and...
07:20Oh, where is it?
07:21Where is it?
07:22It's not Iran.
07:23LAUGHTER
07:24Ah, it's crucially not Iran.
07:27And that's very important, because they're in Iran.
07:29They might all be killed.
07:31LAUGHTER
07:32I always love whenever somebody describes the Trump dance,
07:34they just talk about the hips.
07:35Nobody talks about the double jacking that's going on.
07:38LAUGHTER
07:38That's an American phrase.
07:40Can you explain that?
07:40Yeah, that's an American...
07:40Well, what do y'all call it here?
07:43The fiddler and the diddler?
07:44I don't know.
07:45LAUGHTER
07:46We generally call it the Reform Party.
07:49LAUGHTER
07:51APPLAUSE
07:51As a whole.
07:54Now, how has Keir Starmer handled this situation?
07:59He seems to have done something which the vast majority of the population
08:03of Britain agree with, which is a first for Starmer.
08:07Um, the newspapers all gave him terrific flack in this country to start with.
08:11They just said, why isn't Starmer invading Iran himself?
08:14And then they realised that this was actually quite a bad idea,
08:17so they did this massive U-turn.
08:19Does he get bonus points for standing up to Trump?
08:21Oh, I think so.
08:22It's not our war.
08:23And also saying, you know, Britain's aircraft carriers,
08:26they're rubbish.
08:26Where's the big American aircraft carrier?
08:28Oh, it's in dock.
08:30Because they had a fire in the laundry room.
08:33LAUGHTER
08:34I expect the Iranian Navy is quaking.
08:38Quaking.
08:38How do you start a fire in a laundry room,
08:40given that there's a lot of wet clothing around?
08:42LAUGHTER
08:44Trump actually said that the Iranian Navy was floating
08:47at the bottom of the sea, which indicates how much he knows about ships, really.
08:53Lastly, even if Trump does try and run for a third term,
08:56he's confirmed it.
08:58We have confirmation that he won't be voting for himself.
09:01I don't want a stupid person being president.
09:05LAUGHTER
09:07APPLAUSE
09:08APPLAUSE
09:12It's a solid reason.
09:13So this is the U.S.-Israel war in Iran.
09:16Every country in the world is now hoping the war in Iran ends soon.
09:20Well, apart from a green one.
09:23LAUGHTER
09:24He put up, you know.
09:27According to The Independent,
09:29the Strait of Hormuz is 21 miles across at its narrowest point,
09:33and now that Iran's Revolutionary Guard
09:36has successfully stopped all vessels from navigating it,
09:39they've been invited by Shabana Mahmood to patrol the channel.
09:43LAUGHTER
09:44The rising price of oil is beginning to hurt motorists at the petrol pump,
09:48so on the plus side, now's not that bad of a time
09:51for Tiger Woods to lose his licence.
09:54LAUGHTER
09:56APPLAUSE
09:56Paul and Armando give the clip.
09:59OK, Keir Starmer, pride in Britain in Wolverhampton.
10:03LAUGHTER
10:04Stop talking to me, I'm busy.
10:06It's Farage, I think, urinating into it.
10:11And that's the lead with the Green Party.
10:14Dancing. Dancing, yeah.
10:15This week, all the major parties launched their local election campaigns,
10:19and so did Labour.
10:22LAUGHTER
10:23What are Labour Party chiefs expecting from these elections?
10:28Regime change.
10:34They are expecting sweeping losses,
10:36and that is the best-case scenario.
10:39What might a heavy defeat mean for Starmer?
10:43Yeah, the leadership challenge from Eva Angela Rayner.
10:46Or West Streeting.
10:47Or West Streeting.
10:48Or Ed Miliband.
10:50Or Andy Burnham.
10:51I might give it a go, actually.
10:53Whose mobile phone has been hard to trace?
10:57Oh, this is McSweeney.
10:59He was robbed of his phone last year
11:02and reported it to police.
11:04But they need the phone because it has all, you know,
11:06texts about Peter Mandelson.
11:08And there was a lot of disbelief about this, wasn't there?
11:1175% of people I saw a poll today think that he faked it.
11:16I didn't believe it because there was an account
11:18of the police taking this seriously, and I thought...
11:20LAUGHTER
11:22But it would be nice to have the messages
11:24between Morgan McSweeney, who was a friend of Mandelson's,
11:27and strongly advocated that he became ambassador to the U.S.
11:32And it would be nice to know that,
11:35just in the light of Keir Starmer's judgment
11:37on paedophiles and their friends.
11:40Who else is said to have been in the running
11:42for the U.S. ambassador's job when Mandelson was selected?
11:46Uh, Gary Glitter.
11:49LAUGHTER
11:52It was also George Osborne.
11:55Oh, yeah.
11:56Oh, yeah.
11:57And TV adventurer Bear Grylls.
12:00Bear Grylls?
12:01What expertise would he have brought to that job?
12:04All the banquets would just be roadkill.
12:06LAUGHTER
12:09Yeah, George Osborne and Bear Grylls were in the running,
12:12but ultimately, uh, the job went to Bear Legs.
12:15Yes.
12:16LAUGHTER
12:17Copyright Epstein Files 2026.
12:20I can't help but feel they've blocked out the wrong part there.
12:23LAUGHTER
12:24I can't believe that was the shortlist.
12:27George Osborne, Bear Grylls, and Peter Mandelson...
12:30LAUGHTER
12:30..for the top job in diplomacy in Britain.
12:34Worst ever edition of Blind Date.
12:36LAUGHTER
12:38Now, in February, Mandelson was arrested.
12:42There is no charge as yet.
12:44Uh, one possible charge is misconduct in public office.
12:46Not that I don't think people should be held accountable
12:48for misconduct in public office,
12:50but there are over 1,200 Epstein survivors
12:52and not one person is facing justice for actually abusing women.
12:56It's a disgrace.
12:57Sure.
12:59APPLAUSE
13:01Let's talk about Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor.
13:03No, let's not.
13:05Oh, yeah, off you go.
13:06Andrew was arrested in February.
13:08Following his arrest, a prankster put the famous photograph
13:11of him emerging from police custody on display in the Louvre.
13:16Here it is.
13:18LAUGHTER
13:18LAUGHTER
13:19Oh, my God.
13:21With the picture titled,
13:23He's Sweating Now.
13:25LAUGHTER
13:26LAUGHTER
13:27Now, as the local elections are coming up,
13:29the BBC needs to observe strict impartiality,
13:33very fair, journalistically,
13:34so it is important that we take a look
13:36at how shit all the other parties are.
13:40LAUGHTER
13:41APPLAUSE
13:42It's fair.
13:46And we have to talk about, like,
13:47the smaller parties, like the Conservatives.
13:50LAUGHTER
13:51Posters are projecting that the Tories could lose three-quarters
13:54of the seats they're defending.
13:56Meanwhile, who's riding high after the Gorton and Denton
14:00by-election?
14:01Green Party.
14:02Yes, the Greens, who won their seat with their new MP,
14:05Hannah Spencer.
14:06Because I was in America, five hours behind,
14:08I could watch John Craig on Sky News Live...
14:11Yep.
14:11..in the middle of the night,
14:12and I thought her speech was very, very impressive
14:15and apparently what every party's trying to copy.
14:18Yeah, and she's a plumber and she said
14:19she wants to change the system.
14:21LAUGHTER
14:23But what major cause has united
14:26Kimmy Baton, Nigel Farage, and Ed Davey?
14:31Think about pounds.
14:32New design for the pound coin.
14:34There we go.
14:35Ah, yes.
14:36Yes.
14:37The threat to replace historical figures,
14:39including Winston Churchill,
14:41on banknotes with pictures of British wildlife,
14:45Ed Davey in particular saw the historical significance of this.
14:49Winston Churchill helped save our country
14:52and the whole of Europe from fascism.
14:55He deserves better than being replaced by a badger.
14:59LAUGHTER
15:01APPLAUSE
15:03Is he that right?
15:04Is he that right?
15:05Should you not be putting...
15:06He's not.
15:07I have to take a picture.
15:07He's not being replaced.
15:08Winston Churchill's not being taken out of the history book.
15:11No.
15:11And replaced with pictures.
15:13You will not go to Trafalgar Square
15:14or outside Westminster
15:15and the statue of Churchill
15:17is going to be a massive badger.
15:20That's what I said.
15:20Right?
15:21It's just on the money,
15:23which none of us use anymore.
15:25Anyway,
15:26that picture of Mandelson and his pants
15:28could go on the five-pound note
15:30and it wouldn't make a difference.
15:32LAUGHTER
15:38Now, at last, we come to the big story of the week.
15:41What's that?
15:42Bin collections!
15:44Bin collections?
15:45Yes.
15:45A new bin regulation has just come into force.
15:48Councils now have to empty food recycling bins weekly.
15:52It's the biggest shake-up in recycling policy
15:54since Swindon allowed yoghurt pots.
15:57LAUGHTER
16:00You have no idea what you're talking about, do you?
16:02LAUGHTER
16:03But many councils are simply not ready
16:05for this brand-new world.
16:07So let's have a quick game of ready or not ready.
16:10Are you ready?
16:11Yeah, ready or not ready.
16:12I'm going to call out a council.
16:13You tell me whether or not they're ready or not ready
16:15to deal with the new bin policy.
16:17LAUGHTER
16:17OK.
16:19North...North Hampshire council, ready or not ready?
16:21Ready.
16:21Not ready.
16:22Not ready.
16:22Yeah.
16:23I don't know why y'all put two Norths,
16:24but that's none of my business.
16:26LAUGHTER
16:27Next council.
16:28West Northamptonshire council, ready or not ready?
16:30That doesn't exist.
16:31That doesn't exist.
16:32They're definitely not ready.
16:33They're definitely ready.
16:35Ready, yes.
16:36LAUGHTER
16:37I've found my specialist subject at Mastermind.
16:39LAUGHTER
16:40LAUGHTER
16:41Finally, Westmoreland and Furnace.
16:43Not ready.
16:44Ready.
16:44Not ready, but trick question.
16:46Yeah.
16:46Oh.
16:46They've got a transitional agreement,
16:48which means the government won't put them down.
16:50LAUGHTER
16:52Ah, well, there we are.
16:54This is the precarious position of the government
16:57ahead of the local elections in May.
16:59The newest MP in the Commons is the Green Party's
17:01Hannah Spencer, who used to be a plumber.
17:04She'll now earn £98,000 a year,
17:07but she'll do it for 90 cash.
17:11LAUGHTER
17:11LAUGHTER
17:14The mysterious saga of Morgan McSweeney's missing phone continues.
17:19Apparently, when he reported it stolen to police,
17:21he didn't tell them he was Keir Starmer's chief of staff.
17:25Well, would you?
17:27LAUGHTER
17:28This photo of Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor
17:31was mysteriously framed and hung in a gallery at the Louvre.
17:35Although, as expected with anything related to Jeffrey Epstein,
17:38the CCTV camera cut out moments before the hanging occurred.
17:43LAUGHTER
17:44So we arrive at round two.
17:46It's time for Where in the World.
17:49MUSIC
17:51Now, to see where the hell we're going next,
17:54I'm going to use the same method
17:55as the President of the United States.
17:58LAUGHTER
17:59I will just throw a dart at a map.
18:05America's not invading the moon, is it?
18:07LAUGHTER
18:08And are they fed up with the regime there?
18:11LAUGHTER
18:11This is the news that man is going back to the moon.
18:16One of the astronauts, Reid Wiseman, said,
18:18we're going for all humanity,
18:19but I think all humanity wants to go with you.
18:21LAUGHTER
18:22We want to go there.
18:23Was it a rocket launch or a deportation?
18:26LAUGHTER
18:28On Wednesday, Artemis II blasted off
18:30from Florida's Kennedy Space Center.
18:33Here's the BBC science editor, uh, talking us through the launch.
18:37Seven. Ooh!
18:38LAUGHTER
18:42Oh, my goodness!
18:44Oh, my goodness!
18:46LAUGHTER
18:46Oh, my goodness!
18:48LAUGHTER
18:50LAUGHTER
18:53Wow!
18:55Oh, my goodness!
18:57That is spectacular!
18:59Was that what she said on her honeymoon night?
19:07But they're making history, aren't they?
19:08Because it's the first black astronaut to go to the moon,
19:11the first Canadian to go to the moon,
19:12the first woman to go to the moon.
19:13It's all the same person, but nevertheless...
19:16LAUGHTER
19:17Let's take a closer look at the Artemis II rocket first.
19:21What I'd like to know is, seriously,
19:22what's taking that picture?
19:24LAUGHTER
19:27What is the aim of this mission?
19:29What is the aim of the artist?
19:30They want to prove to Trump that it's not flat.
19:33LAUGHTER
19:35They are ultimately trying to have a proper base on the moon,
19:40and they are testing that people can survive.
19:42And I think, on the dark side, they're looking for a place
19:44to dump all the rest of the Epstein files.
19:48LAUGHTER
19:51APPLAUSE
19:54What confession did Artemis II commander Reed Wiseman
19:58make before liftoff?
20:01Afraid of heights?
20:02LAUGHTER
20:03Oh, no!
20:04Oh, no!
20:06Afraid for you!
20:08Yes!
20:09APPLAUSE
20:12Don't look out the window!
20:14LAUGHTER
20:14What's new and unique about the Artemis II rocket?
20:17Oh, is this the toilet?
20:19LAUGHTER
20:20Yeah, this seems to be the big news in Britain.
20:23LAUGHTER
20:23Is that the toilet didn't work.
20:26Yeah, it's the first outing for a state-of-the-art new space loo,
20:30which the astronauts have had special training for.
20:32According to the BBC, the new space loo has a special seat
20:36with strong suction...
20:38..as well as handrails to keep the astronauts in place.
20:42How strong is this suction?
20:45LAUGHTER
20:45If that was me, I'd never leave the spaceship.
20:48LAUGHTER
20:49But there were a few problems with the toilet,
20:51because, yes, it was malfunctioning just before take-off.
20:54According to the BBC, it would have meant
20:56that the astronauts would have had to delay the final push.
21:00LAUGHTER
21:05The BBC report was worse than that.
21:07It said they couldn't go to the toilet for six hours,
21:10but then they finally mended it, which was a great relief.
21:14LAUGHTER
21:15Did they do a captain's log, Chad?
21:18There we go.
21:19How did they go to the toilet?
21:20There we go.
21:21In 1969, how did they go to the toilet?
21:23They just did it in a bag.
21:25Yeah.
21:25See, now I've got to visualise that.
21:28And, Tim, with zero gravity as well,
21:30the sort of rudimentary game of table tennis was played on Apollo 12.
21:34LAUGHTER
21:35The long-distance flights to, like, Mars,
21:37the safety measure against radiation,
21:40because it's a lot...
21:40You're out there for, like, eight months...
21:42..is human waste.
21:45The ship is lined with human waste,
21:47which is a very good cushion and buffer for radioactivity.
21:51Oh, wow!
21:52So, you don't want to leak.
21:53That's all.
21:54LAUGHTER
21:55What is your internet search history like?
21:57No!
21:58LAUGHTER
22:04OK, fingers on buzzers, teams.
22:06Here's your next story.
22:14BUZZER
22:14It's Japan.
22:15Yes.
22:16LAUGHTER
22:18Japan has just built a 100-mile sign,
22:20which they're floating off the coast of Japan.
22:22LAUGHTER
22:23It's not the chair thing, is it?
22:25Points!
22:26Goodness gracious!
22:27Yes.
22:27Do you know why I know this?
22:28How do you know this?
22:29Because I presented Channel 4 News on the weekend
22:30and we did it as a story.
22:32LAUGHTER
22:32And it's amazing.
22:34It's an office chair race.
22:36Yes.
22:37And you push yourself along on your chair.
22:39Was nothing else happening in the world for Channel 4 News?
22:43LAUGHTER
22:44Who it is in action?
22:57What makes that particularly funny is the seriousness of their faces.
22:59Yeah, yeah, yeah.
23:00They do this ludicrous activity.
23:02What is the prize for the winner?
23:04You get to work from home.
23:07LAUGHTER
23:09I know, I know the answer.
23:12It's a 90-kilogram bag of rice.
23:15Is that like two ounces of rice?
23:16What's the...?
23:17That's 35 hectares.
23:19OK.
23:21Now, let's go to Germany.
23:22What pastime are the Germans obsessed with?
23:26Is this historically...?
23:27LAUGHTER
23:29It's called hobby-dogging.
23:32Oh, dear.
23:34LAUGHTER
23:34We'll have none of that.
23:36Yeah.
23:36Now, what is hobby-dogging?
23:39Why are you looking at Ian?
23:41LAUGHTER
23:42Do you not have dogging in America?
23:44Maybe not.
23:45Not like this.
23:46LAUGHTER
23:47Or like that.
23:51Hobby-dogging is when dog lovers train with imaginary pets
23:55on the ends of leashes and harnesses.
23:58Oh, is that what they told you?
24:00LAUGHTER
24:00Here they are, here they are.
24:02Hup!
24:03Hup!
24:05Hup!
24:05Hup!
24:06Hup!
24:08Hup!
24:09Hup!
24:09Hup!
24:10Hup!
24:10Hup!
24:11Hup!
24:18Hup!
24:19Hup!
24:20Why do you even bother with the leash?
24:22LAUGHTER
24:23How are the judges judging it?
24:25What are they...
24:26What are they looking at?
24:27Best of breed.
24:29LAUGHTER
24:30This is the Japanese sport of office chair racing.
24:34No, tell me about the dog.
24:35We want to know about...
24:36We don't care about the Japanese running around on chairs.
24:38What about this lot?
24:39They are happy.
24:40So what?
24:41LAUGHTER
24:42Let them be happy.
24:44No, I don't think they will.
24:45I like happy Germans.
24:46Don't you like happy Germans?
24:48LAUGHTER
24:51You want them mad?
24:53LAUGHTER
24:54This is the Japanese sport of office chair racing.
24:57Racers can attain speeds of up to 20 miles an hour.
25:00It's the fastest anyone's moved on an office chair
25:03since Scott Mills was pushed out of the BBC.
25:06LAUGHTER
25:06LAUGHTER
25:08OK, time now for the missing words round.
25:11And in light of the exciting news about England's new Ben regulations,
25:14this week's guest publication is...
25:17Ben's Fantastic.
25:18LAUGHTER
25:19And we start with...
25:21Man sets himself challenged of what in his supermarket car park?
25:27Eating a hatchback.
25:28LAUGHTER
25:29Recreating the Battle of Jutland.
25:31LAUGHTER
25:32Parking in every space.
25:33Man sets himself challenged of parking in every space in his supermarket car park.
25:40LAUGHTER
25:42APPLAUSE
25:42This is...
25:44This is a...
25:44This was a Channel 4 documentary.
25:46Yes.
25:48LAUGHTER
25:48This is a wheelchair man, Gareth Wilde, who spent a year and seven months
25:52parking in every space at his local Sainsbury's to give each space a rating.
25:59They've said, quote, it's a bit sad now that I've finished it.
26:04LAUGHTER
26:05It was a bit sad before you started.
26:07LAUGHTER
26:08Next.
26:09Frog spotted in Rotherham.
26:11What?
26:13Apparently.
26:15LAUGHTER
26:17Spotted in Rotherham bin.
26:18Frog spotted in Rotherham is, of course, a bin.
26:23LAUGHTER
26:24Here's the frog bin.
26:28This is from Ben's Fantastic.
26:30The publication is the idea of a man described by his local paper as...
26:35..rubbish-obsessed.
26:36So, he's bound to be watching.
26:38Good evening.
26:40Finally.
26:42What spotted in River Thames?
26:44Water!
26:45Mm.
26:47Some clean water.
26:49Yeah.
26:49Small amount turd-free.
26:52LAUGHTER
26:52Performance artist wearing 24 nappies spotted in River Thames.
26:57LAUGHTER
26:58Uh, yes, here's performance artist Zach Minnell.
27:02LAUGHTER
27:03Yes, he is covered from head to toe in nappies when he emerged from the River Thames,
27:08although he wasn't wearing them when he dived in.
27:11LAUGHTER
27:13APPLAUSE
27:15So, the final scores are Ian and Anoushka have five.
27:19Paul and Armando have six.
27:21APPLAUSE
27:22LAUGHTER
27:23APPLAUSE
27:25But before we go, there is just time for the caption competition.
27:30Oh, fuck me, he's good.
27:33LAUGHTER
27:34LAUGHTER
27:38On which note, we say thank you to our panelists Ian Hislop and Anoushka Astana,
27:44Paul Merton and Armando Annucci.
27:46And I leave you with news that at Crufts, there's an unusual entry
27:50when one dog owner turns out to be a magician.
27:54LAUGHTER
27:59It's been revealed that so-called porch pirates who steal other people's Amazon deliveries
28:04are becoming more and more audacious.
28:08LAUGHTER
28:11And in Windsor, the king finally gets to see that photograph of Andrew in the back of the car.
28:18LAUGHTER
28:20Good night.
28:27APPLAUSE
28:34Catch more of Armando and debunk the baffling world of political language.
28:37Listen to Strong Message here on Sounds.
28:40On the way next, we're staying on the sofa and firmly out of trouble
28:43as a new series of The Young Offenders gets underway.
28:47APPLAUSE
28:49APPLAUSE
28:50APPLAUSE
28:52APPLAUSE
28:53APPLAUSE
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