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  • 8 hours ago
Taskmaster - Season 21 Episode 4 - Lou Reed And The Wombles
Transcript
00:02You
00:03Don't look away
00:16I might just do this all day
00:36I sweat I sweat when I eat I sweat when I sunbathe I sweat when I you know when I
00:42sweat
00:44But most important of all I sweat the small stuff the decisions that will make or break the spirits of
00:50a comedian
00:50So put some more water on the sauna coals and bring me some lemons because things are about to get
00:57hot
01:00Please welcome Amy Gledhill
01:17A man who told me recently in confidence that whenever he walks a dog in his local neighborhood
01:22He never cleans up her poo and I quote him. What do I care if people get poppy shoes?
01:28They should watch where they're walking
01:44Okay for a little team bonding activity up for that. Yeah, just drink it how I drink it ready. Yep.
01:50Here we go. Hit it
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15:51Well, it's time for the final attempt. On the big screen, Kamel has played a genetically engineered cosmic powered near
15:56immortal superhero in a global franchise. He's also spent 20 minutes doing this.
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23:18Do you want me to tell you who was the slowest?
23:24Yes.
23:25The slowest just was Kamel 35 minutes 56 seconds 35 minutes I did that and 56 seconds and weirdly you've
23:35done it pretty well
23:39Amy asked twice as many questions as you but she asked a question every 11 seconds
23:4633 minutes and 25 seconds
23:48Wow
23:49Well now for two super switched on guys there are Mando and Joel
23:55Is it
23:57Is it meat?
23:58Is it bird based?
24:00It is yes
24:02Is it an egg?
24:04No
24:04Wait, wait, what did you say no to?
24:06Wait, what did you say? Wait, wait, wait, wait
24:08What did I ask?
24:09Have you ever thought about simplifying the rules?
24:11Yes cabbage
24:16Is it chips?
24:18Yes
24:19What was my last one?
24:21Yes, it's chips
24:21Is that a question?
24:23Is it trifles?
24:24Yes
24:24Is it ice cream?
24:26Nothing to do with trifles
24:29It's trifle then
24:30No similarities
24:35What put it back on you still don't know exactly exactly what it is keep going
24:39Do you enjoy them with vinegar?
24:44Yes, it's chips still
24:46It's chips
24:48Yes
24:51No, what are you doing?
24:53Oh, what?
24:54I thought I was supposed to say what it was in an opelish
24:57You have seen it now
24:59No, I haven't
25:00Will this stop if I
25:10Is it custard?
25:11No, if you stab your eye with a fork we'll carry on
25:20Oh
25:42Oh
25:47Pusted in one bowl, and mustard in another bowl
25:50Yes
25:57It's custard and mustard is this a floor no, it's definitely not so so that's yes
26:03So it's mustard and custard you can now open the cloche and eat it
26:09I've stopped the clock
26:14I think it needs like seriously go back to school or something
26:25What I don't understand was it got me harder after I'd seen it
26:31You were both quicker than the outside to
26:37Armando looked at it after 10 minutes and got it right after 21
26:43Joe Joe looked after six minutes and got it right after 26 and a half
26:49No, I didn't got it right then they both looked again to get it right so they get nothing. I
26:53imagine so
26:55Time for a break put that phone down. No doom scrolling stand up stretch your legs go into the garden
27:00and shout
27:00I am alive into the night sky. I mean do it now
27:04I
27:15know
27:16Yes, part three is an incredibly irritating task and play all the contestants have to do is work out what
27:22food is under the cloche
27:23Whereas I have to answer their previous question incorrectly.
27:26Hashtag hard for horn.
27:28And...
27:30There's just one person left.
27:33It's the final page. It's Joanna.
27:37Right, there's got... I can lift it and see how heavy it is.
27:39Ooh, it's very light.
27:42I can smell it.
27:45I can smell it, it's savoury.
27:47Is it savoury?
27:49Is it sweet?
27:50No.
27:51Yes, it's savoury.
27:56I don't like it, it's not that nice.
27:58Is it runny?
27:59Yes.
28:00Is it hot?
28:01Ooh, no.
28:06No.
28:07Well, that means it's half and half then.
28:09Is it?
28:10Is it?
28:11Is it?
28:13Yellow?
28:14Yes.
28:15Is it cheese?
28:16No.
28:17What the hell is yellow and runny?
28:19Is it custard?
28:21Yes.
28:21And baked beans?
28:22No, don't lift up the cloche.
28:24It's custard.
28:26It's custard.
28:26But there's some other thing with it.
28:29Which is savoury.
28:30But it smells.
28:31It smells horrible.
28:33It smells of a bit like salad cream.
28:35I'm just going to say some things.
28:37You're right, it's mustard or something.
28:38You just said something.
28:41You just said something.
28:42I've been saying custard.
28:43And you just said mustard.
28:46I'm making a guess.
28:48It's custard and mustard.
28:50It's custard.
28:51You may open the cloche.
28:53I think you managed to stack them.
28:56God, it stinks.
28:58Will you hold my nose for me, please?
29:00I'd love to.
29:01OK.
29:01Got it.
29:02OK, one, two, three, go.
29:04Oh my God, it rolled them up.
29:05Oh my God, I did them.
29:07Oh my God, I did them.
29:08I'll start with that.
29:16Well, I mean, let's say it as it is, someone fucked up.
29:20He sabotaged it.
29:22I was doing so well.
29:23No, he gave you the answer.
29:25He didn't sabotage it.
29:26The shaking system was good.
29:28Mm-hm.
29:29Yeah, the shaking was a good strategy.
29:30You know what was a better strategy?
29:31Having you tell her the answer.
29:35I mean, we're going to have to allow it because it's his mistake,
29:38not Joanna's, so.
29:39But how did she do?
29:41She won.
29:41She did really well.
29:42Well done, Joanna.
29:43Yeah.
29:44Of course she did.
29:49Amanda and Joel both cheated.
29:51Very naughty boys, so zero points each.
29:54Three to Kamel, four to Amy, and five to Joanna Payne.
29:59Difficult choice, isn't it?
30:00Difficult choice.
30:00Yeah.
30:01All you had to do was ask one question.
30:03Yeah.
30:04Cos I had to answer every question incorrectly.
30:07If you'd asked me what wasn't under the cloche,
30:09I would have told you there was mustard and custard.
30:12Done.
30:13Doesn't matter.
30:14Alex.
30:17Alex, you must fuck yourself.
30:21On that. On that.
30:28Let's test again.
30:29Like we did last summer, but for now we're back in the lab
30:32and it's everyone's favourite type of test.
30:34Multiple choice.
30:47Alex.
30:48Hello there.
30:51OK.
30:54Oh, jeez.
30:55Phil did that one.
30:57Two tasks.
30:58Pardon?
31:01Oh, three tasks.
31:05If you opened this task first, you must pop the balloon,
31:08then open another task.
31:10Am I allowed to open this?
31:11Because I...
31:12You've got a choice of three to open.
31:14Um...
31:14If you open this task first, you must spin 360 degrees...
31:19Ten times, then open another task.
31:21Well, I'm not going to do that.
31:22If you open this task first, you must completely cover...
31:26The balloon in tin foil.
31:29Then open another task.
31:31What are you thinking?
31:33I'm...
31:33I'm...
31:34I'm not, really.
31:37I think I've realised that's not really my vibe.
31:44Let's see if we can do some stuff, Hugh.
31:46OK, well, first, just like my third favourite battery,
31:49it's double A, Armando and Amy.
31:51And just so you know, my second favourite battery's a C
31:54because they're manly, and my favourite's a triple A
31:55because they're cute.
31:56Here we go.
31:58Yeah, I'm going to do the balloon first.
31:59Complete all three tasks.
32:02Fastest wins, and you must inflect your voice
32:04at the end of every sentence you say.
32:06Fastest wins, and you must end every sentence
32:08with the word mate.
32:10Your time starts now.
32:11Mate.
32:12If you open this task first, you must pop the balloon,
32:15then open another task, mate.
32:17Pop the balloon, and then open another task.
32:19Ta-ta-ta-
32:20Open another task.
32:21I'm scared of popping balloons, mate.
32:23All right.
32:24Whee!
32:26Mate!
32:28Oh!
32:32If you open this task second, you must put the tin foil
32:36and all the dice in the jar, seal the jar, then open another task.
32:40OK, mate.
32:43Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
32:45I've not quite got the inflection.
32:46I've not quite got the inflection.
32:53Two tasks done.
32:54Done.
32:55Two tasks done.
32:57If you open Miss Tesford, you must eat a yellow sweet,
33:01then you are finished, mate.
33:02A yellow sweet, then you're finished.
33:06Oh, you fucker, mate.
33:09Is it one of these dice?
33:12Is it one of these dice?
33:12It probably would be, wouldn't it?
33:14Hang on, I'll do this a bit more carefully.
33:20That was aggressive.
33:22Sorry about that, mate.
33:22Yeah.
33:23Does it look like a yellow dice?
33:27Dice?
33:28Dice is nice.
33:31Oh!
33:33Oh!
33:35Oh!
33:37OK.
33:38I have to eat the whole thing?
33:40Yeah, don't choke.
33:41Don't choke.
33:41OK.
33:41Right.
33:43I'm just going to look for a yellow sweet.
33:46Mm-hmm.
33:51I've got the point, mate.
33:53That's right.
33:56Where did you go?
33:58I can't remember, but the good news is I found a yellow sweet.
34:02So, I'll just eat that.
34:07Where did you find it?
34:10Wrapped round a banana.
34:13Is that the point?
34:17You lost your mind!
34:19You didn't get it yet!
34:22I thought, until you found the sweet, Amy, I thought we'd finally broken you.
34:28There was one mate that I said, not in my accent, and that's when I knew I was angry, because
34:32I said, mate.
34:34What did Armando eat at the end?
34:37It was a yellow sweet.
34:39I mean...
34:39Well, you said it was previously wrapped around a banana.
34:41It was...
34:41It was banana-flavoured yellow.
34:44It scraped the banana skin off and tried to pass it off as a sweet.
34:46It was.
34:47Wait, so that was not a sweet?
34:49It looked like a sweet, didn't it?
34:51Yeah.
34:51Well, what was it?
34:52It was a sweet.
34:54It was banana skin.
34:55It was banana skin.
34:56Why did you not take a piece of the actual banana?
34:59Why is it the skin?
35:00Yeah.
35:02Oh, is it the only non-edible part?
35:05I'll tell you this.
35:06You could make an argument that I should disqualify him for that, but I'm not going to, because the whole
35:11thing broke my heart.
35:13LAUGHTER
35:16Two more?
35:17Two more!
35:17And now it's two stars from the 2020 film Doolittle.
35:21It is Joanna and Kamel, who are both in Doolittle.
35:24What?
35:25LAUGHTER
35:26I'm going to just do this.
35:27Fine.
35:28Yeah.
35:29Complete all three tasks, fastest wins, and you must say,
35:32I am Kamel Nanjiani at the end of every sentence.
35:35That comes very naturally to me.
35:36I'm Kamel Nanjiani.
35:38And you must exhale and shake your head at the end of every sentence you say,
35:44Your time starts now.
35:47If you open this task first, you must spin 360 degrees,
35:5020 times, then open another task.
35:53You must completely cover the balloon in tinfoil, then open another task.
35:57I'm Kamel Nanjiani.
35:58One, two, three, four.
36:04Cool.
36:05One done.
36:07I'm Kamel Nanjiani.
36:08Nine.
36:09Ten.
36:10I'm impressed.
36:11OK, I'm going to go for this one.
36:13If you open this task second, you must spin 360 degrees, 20 times, then open another task.
36:20I'm Kamel Nanjiani.
36:21If you open this task second, you must put the tin foil and all the dice in the jar.
36:30Oh, my God.
36:32I'm assuming it...
36:33Ah!
36:33Ah!
36:34Ah!
36:35Ah!
36:38Ah!
36:38One, two, three, four, five.
36:42Ah!
36:43And I just found the sweets, but it didn't say to put the sweets in.
36:45So I'm keeping that because I probably need that for later on.
36:49I'm Kamel Nanjiani.
36:51I'm Kamel Nanjiani.
36:53I'm Kamel Nanjiani.
36:55I'm Kamel Nanjiani.
36:58I'm Kamel Nanjiani.
36:5820.
36:58Right.
37:00If you open this task third, you must wrap the yellow sweet in the tin foil.
37:06Then you are finished.
37:08You must eat a yellow sweet, then you are finished.
37:12I'm Kamel Nanjiani.
37:16Oh, that's not a yellow sweet, is it?
37:18I'm Kamel Nanjiani.
37:20It's a pink sweet, right?
37:22Right.
37:22So I'm going to suck this one because it might be a changing one.
37:28Where's the sweet?
37:30There's a sweet somewhere, but where?
37:34Where is it?
37:56Oh my God.
37:57I'm sorry.
37:58I'm quite astounded by my own thinking.
38:00I am absolutely an utterly chap.
38:03I've stopped the clock.
38:04Flipping it.
38:06I'm chuffed.
38:06I'm chuffed.
38:07I'm chuffed.
38:09I'm chuffed.
38:33Ooh!
38:35OK, time for the final ad break.
38:38Today's episode will end with somebody celebrating on stage with a jammy kebab and a prosthetic tongue.
38:43Oh, I love jam.
38:45He does.
38:46He loves jam.
38:46I'll see you in a minute.
38:56CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
38:57Hello!
38:59It's the final part of the show and we need to finish what we started in the lab.
39:03Our guys had to complete three tasks which they could tackle in whichever order they liked.
39:08One person left.
39:10He's part man.
39:11He's part egg.
39:12He's Joel Domlet.
39:17Complete all three tasks.
39:19Fastest wins.
39:20And you must repeat the last two words of every sentence you say, you say.
39:24Your time starts now, starts now.
39:26Must pop the balloon, then open another task, another task.
39:33You must eat a red sweet and then open another task, another task.
39:39Red sweet.
39:40Mm-hm.
39:40Red sweet.
39:42Is there a red sweet in here?
39:44You're looking for a red sweet.
39:45I'm looking for a red sweet.
39:46Hmm.
39:46Red sweet.
39:50You're thinking about eating the wax?
39:52I'm thinking about eating the wax the wax.
39:56That's your red sweet, is it?
40:02That nice.
40:04Mmm!
40:05OK, so we're saying you've done two tasks.
40:07Shit.
40:07Can't wait for that waxy poop.
40:09If you open this task third, you must spin 360 degrees 30 times then you are finished.
40:15Yes!
40:15I love this stuff.
40:17Here we go.
40:20I've just seen the red sweet.
40:29What?
40:29Three, four, five, six, seven, eight, ten, ten, ten, ten, four, two, six, thirty, twenty, five, twenty, six, twenty, seven,
40:39twenty, eight, ten, twenty, eight, thirty, twelve, eight, twenty-nine, thirty.
40:43I can't stop. I can't stop.
40:49This is so great.
40:52You started so fast. I know.
40:56APPLAUSE
41:01This episode, I think we've learnt there's a lot of things I'm not good at.
41:06And spinning, I'm good at that.
41:09You were really good at it.
41:10I mean, you were so good, you'd spun more than 30 times.
41:12But did you have to say the last two words for the whole thing?
41:15He was meant to, you're right, Kamau, and after eating the wax seal,
41:18he stopped saying the end of the sentence again.
41:21But I imagine Greg didn't mind because he liked the spinning so much.
41:24I'll just check in. He just...
41:25Do you mind about him not repeating the words?
41:27I don't mind because he spun so many times.
41:30I thought that was OK.
41:31So, it doesn't matter if you do the task or not?
41:34Not really. OK.
41:36LAUGHTER
41:38Here are the scores.
41:40Joanna, you were actually the slowest.
41:4111 minutes 30, so it's one point for you.
41:43Armando next, nine minutes 12,
41:45including banana skin.
41:47LAUGHTER
41:48We'll allow it.
41:49Amy gets three points, six minutes five seconds,
41:52so it's between Kamau and Joel.
41:55One of you took five minutes 40,
41:56the other four minutes 57.
41:59LAUGHTER
42:02Joel, you get five points.
42:04Oh!
42:05Four minutes 57, Kamau gets four points in second place!
42:09Oh!
42:09Well done, Joel Thomas!
42:11APPLAUSE
42:15Gosh.
42:17That does seem grossly unfair.
42:21LAUGHTER
42:21Please make you wait to the stage for the final task of the show!
42:38CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
42:39Amy Gledhill.
42:40Thank you, baby boy.
42:43Be the first to communicate the item to your team.
42:47You must not make any noise.
42:49You must use your pencil and ball,
42:52and you must stare at both throughout.
42:54You must stay on your spots at all times.
42:58Best team of communicators after five rounds wins.
43:03Fantastic.
43:03OK.
43:04Is this a task where we have to follow the rules?
43:07LAUGHTER
43:10We're going to come over and show Amy and Joanna the first item.
43:14This is the first one.
43:15Ready?
43:17It's like charades.
43:19It is charades.
43:21So, remember, no noise.
43:23You must use your items and stare at them.
43:26Ready?
43:26Ready!
43:27BUZZ
43:30Dog.
43:31Bowling.
43:32Dog's right!
43:33Dustin!
43:34Oh.
43:35It's a quick one and they're 1-0 off.
43:37Yeah.
43:38Good.
43:40OK.
43:41Ready.
43:44LAUGHTER
43:46Don't look.
43:47Right.
43:48Mmm.
43:49Different reactions.
43:51Round two. 1-0 to the team of two.
43:53Remember.
43:53Shout it out.
43:55Canoe.
43:55Rowing.
43:58Gondola.
43:59Gondola.
44:00Gondola.
44:01Gondola.
44:02Canoe.
44:02Ship.
44:03Canoe.
44:03Venice.
44:04Pirate ship.
44:05Sea.
44:05Sea.
44:06Sea.
44:06Sea.
44:06Sea.
44:07Sea.
44:09Ocean.
44:12Ocean!
44:14She said it about.
44:15She said it about.
44:16She said it about.
44:16She did say ocean for her.
44:18The gallery are actually checking it.
44:19Yep.
44:20Because here, we're all about the rules.
44:22LAUGHTER
44:24We have analysed the footage and the fastest team was...
44:29Joanna and Armando.
44:30Oh!
44:31Oh!
44:33So please put it round again.
44:35Your team are off.
44:37One more will get you the win, but how big were the winners?
44:40Hello again.
44:40Hello.
44:41I'm bad at this.
44:42No, you won't be.
44:43You're in movies.
44:45You can do this.
44:46LAUGHTER
44:46It's your Kamel Nanjiani.
44:50I'm ready.
44:51Go.
44:51WHISTLE BLOWS
44:55Er...
44:55Please stay on your spot.
44:56Kamel, the rules.
44:59Corn.
44:59Corn.
45:00Sweet corn.
45:00Corn in the cob.
45:01Nice and silent.
45:02Pork.
45:02Fish.
45:04Pork.
45:04Nice.
45:04Food.
45:06Chicks.
45:09Er...
45:10Peas.
45:10Food.
45:11Food.
45:12Erm...
45:13Spaghetti.
45:13Yes, it is spaghetti!
45:15Incredible.
45:18Amazing.
45:20Just enough.
45:21That looks great.
45:21OK, switch round.
45:22It's 2-1, they're back in it.
45:23Switch round again.
45:24Back in it.
45:25OK.
45:26Hello, Armando.
45:27Hi, Alex.
45:27Don't give anything away when you see it.
45:29Is that all right?
45:35LAUGHTER
45:37OK.
45:40Please look at your items.
45:41Cool.
45:42Greg Davids.
45:43Yes!
45:46It's 2-2!
45:47Oh!
45:48Amazing!
45:51Wow!
45:53Remarkable.
45:54Hack in the game.
45:55OK, well, it's the final one.
45:56OK.
45:58We can do this.
45:59We can do this.
46:00We can do this.
46:01OK.
46:04OK.
46:05Whoever gets this wins the task.
46:09WHISTLE BLOWS
46:10WHISTLE BLOWS
46:10WHISTLE BLOWS
46:11WHISTLE BLOWS
46:12WHISTLE BLOWS
46:13WHISTLE BLOWS
46:13Javelin.
46:14Um...
46:15Oh!
46:15Brushing your teeth.
46:16Dragon.
46:16Dragon.
46:17Monster.
46:19Heart.
46:21What is that?
46:21Look at your item.
46:22Look at your item.
46:24Eating.
46:24Wax.
46:25Feel.
46:26A bat.
46:27A bat.
46:29Uh...
46:30Vampire.
46:30Yes!
46:31It is vampire!
46:37CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:38OK.
46:39We'll have those for the final scores.
46:40Come down and join me!
46:50CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:51Wow.
46:52Five points for the team of three.
46:54And then how many for the team of two?
46:56Well, they did OK.
46:57Three points.
46:57Three points.
46:58OK, so three for the team of two.
46:59Five for the team of three.
47:00APPLAUSE
47:04How's that affected the final scores?
47:06Well, Armando, you won't believe it, is in last place with ten points.
47:10The other two boys are at the top.
47:11Kamel's got 18 points, but the winner of this episode,
47:13the first time he's won a show, is Joel Domit.
47:15No way!
47:17CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
47:18Joel Domit wins!
47:20CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
47:22Please go and have your celebrations with the best combination!
47:46CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
47:48cosmetically
47:54Awkwardly last night
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