00:00Almost five, it's the Gold Show!
00:06Ladies and gentlemen, the star of this show,
00:09Mike, the host of this show, Chuck Ferris, my daddy!
00:30The star of the Black Widow.
00:35Nice to see you.
00:38How are you?
00:40Welcome to the Gold Show!
00:55Ladies and gentlemen!
00:58Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the dance show where we have three incredible little
01:04celebrities sitting over there and such acts and here from Humboldt State, the pride of
01:11Humboldt State folks, to get the show started is Jeffrey B. and the Hot Nuts.
01:27we got a whole lot of shapes joined up.
01:31we don't come on the ë ˆ some.
01:42watch out
02:10Do it!
02:14Well, come on, baby, hold a lot of shit, you're going on.
02:17Woo!
02:18Come on, baby, hold a lot of shit, you're going on.
02:22Well, baby, you got a hold of shit, you're going on.
02:26Come on, baby, hold a lot of shit, you're going on.
03:12Come on, baby, hold a lot of shit, you're going on.
03:26Come on, baby, hold a lot of shit, you're going on.
03:28All right, let's meet our little celebrities first.
03:30A terrific lady, if ever there was one.
03:32A fine singer, good friend, the mother of little David was born, but oh my, the ravishing Michelle Lee.
03:41Oh, good job.
03:44What do you think, Miss Jeffrey B?
03:47I thought they were very good, I gave them an eight.
03:49An eight.
03:54This man had a near, early today this man had a near fatal accident.
04:00He almost broke all his fingers trying to create obscene animal hand shadows in his dressing room wall.
04:05The crazy Pat McCormick.
04:08Yeah.
04:08All right.
04:11They were thinking just as being a hot nut.
04:14If the Confederate soldiers had taken what he's taken, the South would have won the war, I think.
04:22All right.
04:23A little hyper.
04:24Our next guest is a student of sign language, and she's great at it.
04:28I saw her turn down a date with Milton DeLugge, and the band was just one finger.
04:32Ladies and gentlemen, here is J.P. Morgan.
04:41What do you think of them, boys?
04:44What do I think of them?
04:45Those little white pants have gotten away with a lot.
04:51That was his play.
04:53Hey, ladies and gentlemen, thank you very much.
04:56You're my host to Humboldt.
05:00All right.
05:01Ladies and gentlemen, this next guy just took a vocational test and discovered he was best qualified to be a
05:07hostage.
05:08Ladies and gentlemen, he doesn't have a way with a song.
05:11Ladies and gentlemen, here comes Bob Kohut.
05:14Do it, Bob.
05:15Ladies and gentlemen, here comes Bob Kohut.
05:28Ladies and gentlemen, here comes Bob Nile.
05:43Here, Rita!
05:48Oete, oete! Oete, oete!
05:51What the hell, you fat?
06:01You fat!
06:01You fat!
06:11Oh, Bob. I know. I don't know why they did that. The girls just don't have any taste. Juice, why
06:18did you do that to Big Bob?
06:19I read arms.
06:21Oh, okay. That's different. That's different. I mean, we should've... She reads arms.
06:29Oh, my goodness gracious. I really think the Snake Jack is a winner.
06:35But what do I know? I thought the Gaza Strip was a burlesque dance. Are you ready?
06:40Oh, that was a smash. Ladies and gentlemen, this group, this group, I love them.
06:48They sing the song and they sing the theme song of the gong show. It's called I Don't Know Why.
06:53Ladies and gentlemen, I Don't Know Why.
07:00I don't know why.
07:02I don't know why, I don't know why, I don't know why, I don't know why, I don't know why,
07:14I don't know why, I don't know why, I don't know why, I don't know why, I don't know why,
07:24I don't know why, I don't know why.
07:32We don't know why.
08:04I don't know why you did that.
08:06I really don't, Michelle.
08:09I love it.
08:10I thought you would do it.
08:12But then I like gas fumes.
08:14Why did you do that, Michelle?
08:15I don't know why.
08:16Oh, she doesn't know why.
08:18Fine thing.
08:19Get off this stage, you actually.
08:21Get off this stage.
08:23Get off this stage.
08:26We'll clean up a lot.
08:27Stage is immense.
08:29Stage is immense.
08:29I don't know why it leaves such a messy stage.
08:32Ladies and gentlemen, here's an act that's about as exciting as having Derwood Kirby as your
08:36pen pal.
08:37Ladies and gentlemen, here comes a band from far away.
09:00Cheers.
09:05Cheers.
09:06Move to the east.
09:07Weilleurs.
09:14Let's start with the ice.
09:17Find the home, sing and grow
09:22About how good I am from here
09:31Oh, if we wish, nothing else
09:35And on the floor will be the rest of us
09:46To the north of the desert
09:54Oh, the sun should be so green
10:00And whispered in tales of lore
10:14Oh, way to go, way to go, come down here, a band from far away, Pat, you're taking a
10:23band from far away, okay, I look at the size of her head and it reminds me I have to
10:34send
10:34my alimony check in, I get the check, that's a good thing, Jay, I just want to go on the
10:43road with him, oh, yeah, Michelle, okay, 30 points, yeah, hey, oh, no, no, no, no, no, no,
11:01no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
11:04no, no, no,
11:14all acts received from Cody did view, Smithee does it, an exhilarating delet news, Smithee
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11:37penetrates want a tough stain out shout it out a generous supply starkest tuna the good tasting
11:41tuna only good tasting tuna get to be starkest and don't forget to tell them charlie sent you
11:45now here's the barrett
11:51how you doing you ready all right ladies and gentlemen here comes james emmett power do it
11:57we gotta go mule mound we gotta go for the hero on the bow i have bombed we just won
12:11me oh my son of a
12:13gun gonna have big fun on the bow
12:28son of a gun gonna have big fun on the bow
12:43son of a gun
12:44son of a gun
13:01son of a gun gonna have big fun on the bow
13:16son of a gun gonna have big fun on the bow
13:19whoo
13:20jean what do you think of james emmett fowler i close my eyes and see trini lopez
13:31I like them very much she is mellowed I have a message for you James the Al Capone estate
13:41what's that hat back
13:54folks he thought that was good this next guy is my personal pick is the person that would most
13:59likely love to be blown to smithereens ladies and gentlemen yeah ladies and gentlemen uh here it
14:08comes oh you're so lucky here comes Bill Davis do it Bill
14:43oh
14:49oh
14:50oh
14:54oh
15:02oh
15:03oh
15:03oh
15:04oh
15:17oh
15:17well I don't know juicing has gotten a little off juice why did you do that to him and his
15:24dance well he dances like he's killing cockroaches
15:33you can come by my house I had one or two in the kitchen last night ladies and gentlemen in
15:41case
15:41you get a little fidgety and don't like this act on the other channel they're showing that all-time
15:47science fiction thriller Willard meets the Loch Ness hamster meanwhile back at the ranch hush up now
15:56don't you here comes Conrad and Gina
16:10yeah
16:15oh
16:16oh
16:17oh
16:17oh
16:17oh
16:17oh
16:21oh
16:38oh
16:39oh
16:40oh
16:40oh
16:40oh
16:40oh
16:47oh
17:02why did you do that pat well it's a nice little act I'd like to see him by the fireplace
17:07after they catch fire
17:18ladies and gentlemen here comes jimmy caldwell
17:22let's do it jimmy
17:30if i didn't care
17:39if i didn't care
17:45would i feel this way
17:50if this isn't love
17:55then why do i feel
18:00and what makes my head go round and round
18:05while my heart stand stand still if i didn't care
18:14would it be the same
18:19would my every prayer
18:23would my every prayer
18:24began an end
18:25with just your name
18:29and would i be sure
18:32and would i be sure
18:33and would i be sure
18:46that this is love
18:50beyond
18:54you
18:56oh
19:09jimmy
19:10jimmy
19:11jimmy that was so nice jimmy
19:14pack mccormick what do you think of jimmy caldwell
19:16he's the best singing good humor man i ever heard
19:32all right we'll be back with more
19:48all right
19:49all right
19:49please and peter paul is caravel with those
19:51second histories chewy caramel with creamy milk chocolate
19:53caravel is a crunchy candy that's absolutely irresistible
19:56a willite spray foam rug cleaner with a heavy duty rug cleaner
19:59that leaves rug working steam machine clean and it's will i say for bardol
20:02because all additives are not created equal add bardol the next time you feel your
20:06tank to change your oil a polyglycote rust-fruising shield gets into
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20:12rust-proofing protection available at hill car dealers everywhere
20:14our next party makes the dress canada dry mixes enjoy a long lasting carbonation
20:18smooth taste that canada dry mixes famous to quality
20:21now here's chuck barrett
20:24all right
20:25folks what are you doing in front of me you think that it's saying
20:30we have a tie 30 for the band from far away
20:35and 30 for jimmy cardwell
20:39the celebrities have decided
20:42and the winner is
20:45jimmy cardwell
20:54and here's your care
20:57it was so good
21:03Michele Lee, thank you for coming.
21:07Back at home.
21:10This is J.P.
21:11So good to see you.
21:14Thank you, everybody.
21:15Thank you very much.
21:17Okay.
21:19Good luck.
21:20You're there.
21:22J.P.
21:23There you are.
21:24Stay tuned.
21:26Bye-bye, y'all.
21:28Bye.
21:32To audition for the Gong Show,
21:34call area code 213-466-915.
22:22Kids, the USA Network Kids Club is calling you.
22:25If you send in your picture to our grab bag, then hold on,
22:29because you may win some super grab bag goodies.
22:32So stay tuned to the Cartoon Express next to find out.
22:35And be a USA kid.
22:55Bye-bye, y'all.
22:58Bye-bye, y'all.
23:03Bye-bye, y'all.
23:05Bye-bye, y'all.
23:11Bye-bye, y'all.
23:13Bye-bye, y'all.
23:14Bye-bye, y'all.
23:16Bye-bye, y'all.
23:17Bye-bye, y'all.
23:17Bye-bye, y'all.
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