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00:01Get ready to match the stars, comedian Bill Kirkenbauer, comedian Pat Music, Match Game's
00:14own Charles Nelson Reilly, recording artist Gloria Loring, from Comic Strip Live, Bruce
00:25Bowne, and actress and comedian Joanne Worley, as we play the all-new star-studded Match Game.
00:36And here's the star of Match Game, Ross Schaefer!
00:45Welcome back, everyone.
00:47Welcome to Match Game.
00:54Oh, we're in a good mood.
00:59Thank you, Jean.
01:00That's Jean Wood, our very capable and handsome announcer.
01:03Fabulous.
01:03Yes.
01:04Spending a lot of money on plastic surgery, aren't you?
01:06Oh, my.
01:08Ah, let's say hi to the stars here.
01:11Joanne.
01:11Oh, hi.
01:11Now tell us, what is it with all the fans?
01:13Oh, see, just we learn the language de la fan.
01:16See, zis means something, zis means something, zis means something.
01:22So I have to be careful.
01:23We are on TV.
01:24Yes, you are.
01:25No, I collect them.
01:26Oh, you do?
01:26You're a fan collector.
01:27Yes, because, yeah.
01:28And it happened years ago.
01:29I learned how to, I had to learn how to use the fan in the Mikado, Charles.
01:33Remember our show, the Mikado?
01:35Oui.
01:36And so now I always have lots of fans.
01:40Charles needs to see slides to remember it.
01:45Who is she?
01:49Charles, you notice that I have a fan also.
01:52And, Gloria, you have a fan here.
01:53I have a very important fan.
01:53This is the Kirkenbauer fan club.
01:55That's the $2 model.
01:56Oh, yes.
01:57Yeah.
01:57I have them too.
01:58If people do this, this is wrong.
01:59Since the Kirken fan use it like this.
02:06Well, we can't top that bill.
02:10And you shouldn't try.
02:11No, we shouldn't try.
02:13Let's move on.
02:14Hiya, Ben.
02:14How are you?
02:14Hiya, Ross.
02:15Good morning.
02:21Well, yesterday, you wound up with $1,900.
02:24$1,900.
02:24Thank you very much.
02:27Came back as our champion.
02:28What was that little noise you just made?
02:30Yeah.
02:31Yeah.
02:33Constance, nice to meet you.
02:34Hi.
02:34Nice to meet you.
02:34Now, tell us about yourself.
02:36I'm a real estate property manager.
02:37And you do that when you're selling real estate?
02:39Yeah, yeah.
02:39It gets the tenants really excited about it.
02:43And I'm born and raised in L.A.
02:44Oh, you are?
02:45Yes.
02:45Good.
02:46So you know about the match game?
02:47Yes, sir.
02:47You want to play?
02:48Yes, sir.
02:48All right.
02:49Why don't we do that?
02:50Every correct match here is worth $50.
02:51The winner keeps his or her money and goes on to play Supermatch.
02:54We're shot at $10,000.
02:55Ben had that shot yesterday.
02:56We'll start with you, Ben.
02:57You're the champion.
02:58Okay, Ross.
02:58Let's try B, please.
02:59Okay.
03:02Oh, Beth said...
03:04Beth, you is my woman now.
03:07I'm sorry.
03:07That's why the Mikado closed.
03:13You did remember, Charles.
03:18Beth said, boy, is my husband squeamish.
03:22How squeamish is he?
03:25How squeamish is he?
03:26Well, when he changes our baby's diaper, he wears a blank.
03:32My husband is squeamish.
03:34When he changes our baby's diaper, he wears a blank.
03:49Blindfold.
03:50A blindfold.
03:52Oh, a blindfold.
03:53Blindfold.
03:53So he can't see it.
03:55That's a pretty answer.
03:56Ah.
03:57Where's a blindfold?
03:58Obviously, some of you have never changed a diaper.
04:01Yeah, it's nothing you want to stare at, is it?
04:04All right, Bill?
04:07I like it when the audience goes...
04:11It makes your answer seem better, doesn't it?
04:13Yes.
04:14Well, this is similar to a blindfold, but I think it would be much more useful.
04:17A gas mask.
04:18A gas mask.
04:22Yeah, it's bad.
04:23This is one of the things from whence I know, because my little girl is now two and a half
04:27and just getting out of the diaper stage.
04:29Woo!
04:29Yes!
04:30And we all were out equipped with these.
04:33A gas mask.
04:34Good answer.
04:36Charles?
04:37What the entire audience swore at the opening of the Mikado.
04:45A gas mask.
04:48Husband is squeamish.
04:49When he changes our baby's diaper, he wears a...
04:52Well, the audience thinks that blindfold is a very bad answer and I have another bad answer.
04:55Yeah!
04:56Blindfold.
04:58Gloria, I love you.
05:00I love you.
05:00I love you.
05:01I love you.
05:01Thank you so much.
05:03Blindfold.
05:04Blindfold.
05:05Yes!
05:05Yes!
05:06Yes!
05:08Play this game, Bruce and Gloria.
05:10All right, Joman.
05:11If I must correct this, the reason the Mikado closed...
05:15Oh, here we go.
05:18...was because our director...
05:19...was wearing a blindfold!
05:21Thank you so much!
05:24Thank you so much!
05:26Thank you so much!
05:29We had to bail that one out, dude.
05:31That was lovely.
05:32Man.
05:32Ah, Old Man Periwinkle set.
05:34Oh, you love these.
05:35Aw.
05:35You know, I really do love these.
05:36Because you get to act.
05:39And they're gonna have a special Emmy for you this year.
05:41That's right.
05:42The Old Man Periwinkle image.
05:44Ladies and gentlemen, Ross Schaefer is Old Man Periwinkle.
05:48Go on, do it.
05:49Do it.
05:50Can I just...
05:50Can I just have a private moment?
05:51Yeah.
05:53You too.
05:54Get ready.
05:55Good.
05:56Breath.
05:57Take a breath.
05:58Good.
05:58Take a breath.
05:59Yeah.
05:59Oh, God.
06:01Here at the home, we boys really got into the New Year's spirit.
06:08When the ball dropped at Times Square, we dropped our blanks.
06:16Didn't happen.
06:19Okay.
06:20I should have bent over, Charles.
06:21Not Old Man Periwinkle, but an incredible simulation.
06:26All right, cousins.
06:28What do you think?
06:29When the ball dropped at Times Square, we dropped our...
06:32Dentures.
06:33Our dentures.
06:34We dropped our dentures.
06:36Yeah.
06:37Oh, Bill, don't look at me like that.
06:40Well, I was Old Man Periwinkle.
06:43It was New Year's for me.
06:45Oh, it's really easy.
06:47Yeah.
06:48Um...
06:50I dropped my pants.
06:52Yeah.
06:53Ah!
06:53Ah!
06:54Ah!
06:58What did you drop?
07:00Well, the rest of us girls, we all start out at about 11.45 going down towards the day
07:05room.
07:06So that at midnight, we can see all the boys drop their pants.
07:10Drop the pants.
07:13Charles?
07:15All the acting is lovely, but the right answer is what counts.
07:20Yes!
07:21Okay, that's a match.
07:25Gloria, Old Man Periwinkle said, when the ball dropped at Times Square, we dropped our...
07:29Well, you said something with an S on the end of it, and I was going to say teeth, and
07:33I went, teeth.
07:34That doesn't work, so I went, oh, pants.
07:37Oh, pants.
07:37I couldn't think of dentures.
07:38Of dentures and pants.
07:40Yeah.
07:40Yes, Bruce?
07:41I am a pants man.
07:43And you're a pants man.
07:43You said, I'm a pants.
07:44Ah, roses are red, violets are blue.
07:48This is the match game, and I match you.
07:50Ah, pants.
07:51No.
07:52No.
07:53You matched Bruce.
07:55She said dentures.
07:56Is it any wonder the Mikado closed?
08:02Oh!
08:08I can't wrap Joe!
08:10We have a...
08:12We're just trying to fix a joke.
08:14We're going to try to put Joanne on track, and we'll be back with our match-up.
08:19This week in game show history, Spouse's Secrets debut on Tattletales.
08:24Rod Roddy becomes the voice of The Price is Right.
08:27And IBM supercomputer Watson wins a million bucks, beating champ Ken Jennings on Jeopardy.
08:33Take that, Mr. Know-It-All.
08:37We are back.
08:41We are at the end of the first round. Our score is 150. Constance, you have 50. It's time to
08:46play match-up.
08:47This is where you can build up your score by playing against the clock.
08:49You're trailing right now, Constance, so we'll start with you.
08:51I would say you could go with anyone but Joanne.
08:54I think I'm going to go with Charles.
08:57Ah, Charles.
08:58Oh, jeepers.
09:01We're going to show you a series of possible match-ups. You pick what you think is the best answer.
09:04Every time you and Charles agree, you get $50.
09:07I'll interpret.
09:07Okay. Let's go 30 seconds on our clock. Ready? Go.
09:12Come blank. Come back, come clean.
09:15Come back.
09:16Match.
09:17Bedroom blank.
09:18Bedroom slippers, bedroom eyes.
09:20Bedroom eyes.
09:21Match.
09:21Jefferson blank.
09:23Jefferson Davis, Jefferson airplane.
09:25Jefferson airplane.
09:26Match.
09:27Solid blank.
09:28Solid state, solid gold.
09:30Solid gold!
09:31Match.
09:32Howdy blank.
09:33Howdy partner, howdy duty.
09:35Howdy partner!
09:36No match.
09:36Fountain blank.
09:37Content pan, fountain of youth.
09:39Fountain of youth.
09:40No match.
09:41Play blank.
09:42Play dead.
09:42All right, not bad.
09:45Not bad for...
09:48All right, you got four matches there.
09:50One should go, you go.
09:50One should go, you go.
09:52Ben, you're up.
09:53Gloria, please.
09:54Okay.
09:55Please do.
09:55All right, you and Gloria.
09:56Please.
09:56Remember now, $50 for every match.
09:58Okay.
09:5930 seconds on our clock.
10:01Go.
10:02Horse blank.
10:03Horse power, horse sense.
10:05Horse power.
10:06No match.
10:07Plastic blank.
10:07Oh, nice.
10:08Plastic surgery, plastic wrap.
10:10Plastic surgery.
10:11Match.
10:12Patty blank.
10:13Patty Chayefsky.
10:15Patty Wagon.
10:15Patty Wagon.
10:16Match.
10:17Born blank.
10:18Born loser.
10:19Born to be wild.
10:20Born to be wild.
10:21Match.
10:22Gin blank.
10:23Gin fizz.
10:24Gin rummy.
10:25Gin rummy.
10:26Match.
10:27Jackie blank.
10:28Jackie Mason.
10:29Jackie Gleason.
10:30Jackie Gleason.
10:30Match.
10:31Block, oh.
10:33Cool.
10:35Hey, great job, Ben.
10:37You're in the lead here.
10:38400 to 250.
10:40We're coming right back after these words.
10:51We are back.
10:53And the score, our champ, Ben, has 400.
10:56Constance, you have 250.
10:57Where do you go first now, Constance?
10:59I'd like A.
11:00Ah, A is the one you want.
11:01All right.
11:01Okay.
11:02Rodney Rich said, Beverly Hills must be going through hard times.
11:09They just opened a blank on Rodeo Drive.
11:14I can blow.
11:17Women's out, sing loudly.
11:21All right.
11:23Constance, Rodney Rich said, Beverly Hills must be going through hard times.
11:27They just opened a, what?
11:28Salvation Army.
11:30Oh, Salvation Army.
11:31Oh, oh.
11:32Oh.
11:33Oh.
11:34Oh.
11:35See, that's the sound of people going, why didn't I think of that?
11:39Bill.
11:40You know, that's a very nice tie you're wearing there, Ross.
11:44And if you were very hard up for money, you might want to go into a pawn shop and pawn
11:49it for yourself.
11:50Oh, a pawn shop.
11:51Beverly, yeah, Beverly Hills is Rodeo Drive.
11:53That's what you're doing.
11:53You need some.
11:54You need some dough, yeah.
11:55Show business is not easy, Constance.
11:57It's just not easy.
11:59It's not easy.
12:00No, what did you do?
12:00Did you match them?
12:01But the thing is, I mean, what else is the Salvation Army?
12:04What do they provide?
12:05Food for people who are hungry, right?
12:07And a soup kitchen.
12:08A soup kitchen.
12:09That's good.
12:10Salvation Army?
12:11Yes, Charles, where Joanne gets her jewelry.
12:15Thrift shop.
12:19A thrift shop.
12:20Nope.
12:21Hard times on Beverly Hills.
12:24They just opened at what?
12:24Oh, well, at McDonald's for a quick, cheap meal.
12:28Oh, McDonald's.
12:29At Rodeo Drive.
12:29These are all different.
12:31Bruce, speaking of McDonald's, I was driving through a real small town with a long name,
12:36something like the Pachawanawanami.
12:37I pull in his fast food place, I say to the guy, hey, how do you pronounce this place
12:41we're at?
12:41I go, Burger King.
12:44But more important than even that.
12:48Should have stuck to the head.
12:50Build on that.
12:51You know what?
12:51I'm not going to finish that joke.
12:54McDonald's.
12:59Joanne, can you mash Salvation Army?
13:01Yeah, you know, we didn't even look at it.
13:02We all said McDonald's.
13:03Oh, you said McDonald's.
13:05Oh, oh, oh, oh.
13:09Here we go, Ben, with yours.
13:11Okay, Ross.
13:11Oh, Jennifer said, the lifeguard at that beach must be nearsighted.
13:15Oh.
13:16Well, this is nearsighted.
13:18He tried to give me mouth-to-blank resuscitation.
13:25Yes.
13:26I answer these legitimate.
13:27I've matched a lot today.
13:28Oh, I know you have.
13:31There we have our answers.
13:32Good.
13:33Okay, Jennifer said, the lifeguard at that beach must be nearsighted.
13:35He tried to give me mouth-to-nose resuscitation.
13:38Mouth-to-nose resuscitation.
13:40Oh, thank you.
13:42Please, maybe.
13:43Mouth-to-nose.
13:44Maybe.
13:45Yuck.
13:46Bill.
13:46Huh?
13:47Oh, well, my lifeguard was very nearsighted, and he just got it all wrong.
13:54It was mouth-to-foot resuscitation.
13:57Mouth-to-foot resuscitation.
13:59Hey, it was nearsighted, huh?
14:02Okay, we're looking for nose.
14:03Pat?
14:03Whoa, dude, when you sit in the sun all day, and you've got the grains of sand in your eyes,
14:07if you get it anywhere near there, you're in control.
14:09Yes, thank you, Pat.
14:11Thank you very much.
14:14Sir Charles.
14:16Ear makeup was important in the Mikado.
14:18That's why I said ear.
14:21Mouth-to-ear resuscitation.
14:23Also a good answer.
14:25Okay.
14:25Tried to give me mouth-to...
14:27Ear.
14:28Ear resuscitation.
14:30Yep.
14:31Well, I had another answer.
14:32Not easy.
14:32I went with ear.
14:33I thought something else.
14:37Cleaned up his act, though.
14:38Cleaned it up a little bit.
14:42Johan.
14:42Blowing my ear.
14:44Ah, blowing your ear.
14:45Mouth-to-ear resuscitation.
14:46There it is.
14:47All right.
14:48Scoring 450.
14:49Ben, you're the champion.
14:50You're heading right now.
14:50It's with Constance.
14:51You have 250.
14:51But it's time to play a final match-up.
14:53Now, whoever is ahead at the end of this round wins the game.
14:55Relax here.
14:56The chance to play for possible 10,000.
14:58So, Constance, we'll let you go first.
14:59Who do you want to play with?
15:00Okay.
15:00I'd like to play with Bill.
15:03Okay.
15:03Going to go with Bill?
15:04Very sweet.
15:04All right.
15:05Yes, Bill.
15:05Come on.
15:05Match-ups now are worth $100.
15:07Got to get at least 450, though, to stay in the game.
15:10Yes.
15:11Okay.
15:11Let's put 45 seconds on our clock.
15:13Ready?
15:14Go.
15:15English blank.
15:16English channel.
15:17English leather.
15:18English channel.
15:19Match.
15:20Country blank.
15:21Country music, country bumpkin.
15:22Country bumpkin.
15:23No match.
15:24Adam blank.
15:25Adam 12, Adam and Eve.
15:27Adam and Eve.
15:27Match.
15:29Starting blank.
15:30Starting gate, starting over.
15:31Starting over.
15:32Match.
15:33Root blank.
15:34Root beer, root canal.
15:36Root canal.
15:36Match.
15:37Proof blank.
15:39Proof reader, proof of purchase.
15:40Proof of purchase.
15:41No match.
15:42Miracle blank.
15:43Miracle whip, miracle worker.
15:44Miracle worker.
15:45Match.
15:46Double blank.
15:47Double space, double time.
15:48Double time.
15:49Match.
15:50Blazing blank.
15:51Blazing saddles, blazing fire.
15:53Blazing saddles.
15:54Match.
15:54Bell blank.
15:55Bell tower, bell pepper.
15:57Bell pepper.
15:57Match.
15:58Valerie blank.
15:59Out of time.
16:00Sheesh, she's flipping out.
16:05Very good.
16:07I hate that again.
16:09Six, seven, eight matches.
16:11Boy, I tell you, you never want to see an air traffic controller run an airport like that.
16:22That was, that was really fun to watch, Connor.
16:24That's good, too.
16:25That's the trick of it, I guess.
16:26I guess so.
16:27Liberace couldn't have played those buttons better.
16:30All right, Ben.
16:31Your turn.
16:32Pat, please.
16:33Okay.
16:33Can you play with Pat?
16:34Yeah.
16:35$100 for every match.
16:36To win this game, though, you've got to beat 1,050, Ben.
16:41Okay, we'll put 45 on our clock.
16:43Ready, go.
16:45Third blank.
16:46Third world, third base.
16:48Third base.
16:48Match.
16:49Midnight blank.
16:51Midnight special, midnight mission.
16:53Midnight special.
16:54Match.
16:55Stick blank.
16:56Stick of gum, stick in the mud.
16:58Stick in the mud.
16:59Match.
17:00I'll be blank.
17:01I'll be seeing you, I'll be darned.
17:03I'll be darned.
17:03No match.
17:04Between the blank.
17:05Between the lines, between the sheets.
17:07Between the lines.
17:08Match.
17:09Ant blank.
17:10Ant B and Jemima.
17:12Ant B.
17:13No match.
17:13Post blank.
17:14Post card, post no bills.
17:16Post card.
17:17Match.
17:17Long blank.
17:19Longfellow, long johns.
17:20Long johns.
17:21Match.
17:22Cleaning blank.
17:23Cleaning fluid, cleaning woman.
17:25Cleaning woman.
17:26Match.
17:26And win.
17:27Yes.
17:28Thank you, thank you.
17:35Come on over, Ben.
17:37Gloria, Gloria.
17:39Did it again.
17:40Did it again.
17:44Constance, we really enjoyed having you on the show.
17:46You're really fun.
17:48Thank you very much.
17:49We have some nice things for you guys today.
17:50All right.
17:51We'll take a short break.
17:52We'll be back with our Big Money Superbad.
18:01Next, Match Game wraps up with its final blanks of the day.
18:05Sit back and grab a blank.
18:07The Match Game marathon continues.
18:09Aren't you a lucky blank?
18:14We're back.
18:17During the commercial, Ben says, ah, this is the easy part.
18:20Yeah.
18:20This is the easy part.
18:21You didn't get palpitations in that first round, didn't you?
18:23You ain't kidding, man.
18:24All right.
18:25Let's play Supermatch for a shot at $10,000.
18:26Okay.
18:27We'll start with an audience match.
18:28Recently, you pulled a studio audience and got their best response to this.
18:32Junk blank.
18:33If you guessed the most popular answer, you get $500.
18:35Second most popular answer is worth $300.
18:37Third best answer is worth $200.
18:39Man.
18:40You can get some help here from three of our stars.
18:41Okay.
18:43Joanne, please.
18:44Sure.
18:45Junk mail.
18:46Junk mail.
18:48Joanne.
18:48Joanne.
18:49Bill?
18:51Um, I would have to say, uh, junkyard.
18:55Junkyard.
18:57Okay, one more.
18:58Moria?
18:59Junk bond.
19:00Junk bond.
19:00Oh, junk bond.
19:01That was a good one.
19:02Ooh, good.
19:02Okay, junkyard, junk mail, junk bond.
19:05Or one of your own.
19:06Junk bond.
19:06You know, I get so much of it.
19:08I think I'll pick junk mail.
19:09Junk mail.
19:09Yeah.
19:12Getting all those, uh, get all those chemistry flyers to mail, huh?
19:16All right, what is the $200 answer, please?
19:18Junk mail.
19:19That's yours.
19:21All right, that was the first one up.
19:23What is the $300 answer?
19:24We're curious now.
19:25Junkyard.
19:26And the big answer was?
19:27Junk food.
19:28Junk food.
19:29Oh, none of us thought of that.
19:31That's even stupid.
19:32We thought of junk food.
19:33Well, here's where we are.
19:35You have $200.
19:35It means you're playing for at least 10 times that, or 2,000.
19:38That's stupid.
19:38We didn't think of that.
19:39Double that if you can get a great spin on the star wheel coming in right now.
19:42He's not going to.
19:43I bought him on.
19:45You bought him on?
19:45Oh, now it's got it on the button.
19:48It's atomized.
19:50I'm making up my own language.
19:51Okay, Ben, give it a good spin.
19:52Give it a good one, Ben.
19:58Come on, double.
19:59Come on, double.
20:02Five double.
20:04Oh, it's going to Charles or Joanne, maybe.
20:08Joanne.
20:09Oh, it's going to be double.
20:12Oh, it's going to be Charles or Joanne, maybe.
20:15Oh, it just slid past.
20:18Still, we're playing for $2,000.
20:19So turn and face me, if you will.
20:21We must have an exact match.
20:23Please, no help from our audience.
20:24Joanne is your partner.
20:27Write down your best answer for this, Joanne.
20:31Panama blank.
20:34Panama blank.
20:39That was fast.
20:40Ben, turn and face her.
20:41What were you thinking?
20:42Panama Canal.
20:43Panama Canal.
20:44Yeah.
20:47You want to hug her, so you hope that she matches.
20:52$2,000, can you match head-to-head?
20:54Ben, I do a lot of musicals and a lot of Ethel Merman.
20:57She did Panama Hattie, but I did put Panama Canal.
21:07Good job.
21:08Good job.
21:09Okay.
21:11We got that.
21:12We got a lot of other money.
21:13We'll total it all up.
21:14Come back and tell you how much this won.
21:24Okay, Ben.
21:26It adds up that you have $5,050 now.
21:29Yeah.
21:29They're coming back tomorrow.
21:31You bet.
21:31Okay.
21:31You bet you.
21:32We'll see all of you next time on Match Game.
21:34Bye-bye.
21:35Bye-bye.
21:35Bye-bye.
21:35Departing contestants will receive Klondike Light Bars, a delicious frozen dessert with only
21:40110 calories per bar, a tasty treat from Klondike.
21:44Krups Kitchen Startup Set, famous for quality, reliability, and excellent design with powerful
21:49handstand mixer, coffee maker, mill, and universal citrus press.
21:53Tesco's in-focus binoculars are easy to use.
21:56No knobs to turn, just pick them up and look and zoom six to 12 times closer, Tesco.
22:15This is Gene Wood speaking for Match Game, a Mark Goodson television production.
22:50This is Gene Wood speaking for Match Game.
23:04This is Gene Wood speaking for Match Game.
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