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Celebs Go Dating Season 15 Episode 1
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00:00You bring me joy
00:02Celebs Go Day In is back!
00:04Yes!
00:08Kicking off the line-up this year, we've got
00:11The Lean Mean Rapping Machine
00:13Professor Green
00:15I might be asexual
00:16All green, no beans
00:18Pop legend and loose woman, Colleen Nolan
00:21Hi, how are you?
00:22I'm in the mood
00:23England rugby colossus, James Haskell
00:26This is scary
00:28Aussie math star, Lucinda Lyne
00:31Three since four since more since
00:33Love Islander and SAS survivor, Gabby Allen
00:36I'm just in the business
00:37Joy!
00:40And making his return, the reality icon
00:43Hello you cheeky boggers
00:45David Potts
00:47I'm ready for someone to put a bloody ring on it
00:50And if that's not enough, dropping in later
00:52We've got baller and YouTuber, P.K. Humble
00:55I'm not going to do a number two, I promise
00:57OK
00:58Oh God!
00:59Can this lot put in the graft?
01:01It's like someone with a pulse
01:03It's just really bad
01:04Like is it?
01:05Swerve the drama
01:06Did you kiss him?
01:09I would love to get a step ladder and climb up you
01:12And overcome heartache
01:14It felt so easy to fall in love and be in love
01:18People don't hear men talk about this, right?
01:22To find the one
01:23To find the one
01:23People have always told me that they can imagine me with a rugby player
01:26Oh really?
01:27I mean I couldn't say stuff
01:28This is going to be good
01:30Who would you like to bring with you to Tenerife?
01:32Wow
01:33Sexy baby
01:34Hello
01:34As our celebs
01:35My dick is cuddling
01:37Go
01:37You could do a lot of spunking in here
01:40Dating?
01:41My tits might fall out
01:42I don't know if I'm excited or I'm going to be sick
01:50Welcome to a brand new series of Celebs Go Dating
01:55This year we're kicking things off in the capital with
01:58No, not a mixer
01:59The celebs are being treated to one of Tom Reid Wilson's infamous DP sessions
02:06It's a dinner party
02:08Oh
02:10There isn't a big enough hope
02:12There you go
02:13Before the agents set them on their dating journeys
02:16They want to know exactly who they're working with
02:18At an intimate spill the beans dinner soiree
02:21Yum yum
02:22Now I'm just going to tug you gingerly
02:26Mmm, he's touching cloth
02:28There
02:28So let's dispense with the needless fluffing
02:31And start stuffing this place
02:33Because our first celeb is here
02:35And hold up, it is massive
02:38Needed no introduction
02:39He might have lost himself
02:43But he's here to find romance
02:46Yes
02:47It's
02:49Ah, of course
02:50You saw him at the start
02:52With a PhD in Hip Hop
02:54Now looking for an education in love
02:56Is Professor Green
02:58This ain't so stereotypical man
03:01Not for a stereotypical man
03:03It should be me the ones that get rid of you
03:05Hello, my name is Steven Manderson
03:08Hello Steven
03:09People may know me better by the name Professor Green
03:14I'd say so, yeah
03:14I would describe myself as awkward, annoying, intolerable, insufferable, but kind
03:21Pro-G and Made in Chelsea star Millie Mackintosh divorced in 2016
03:27Then Steven became a dad in 2021 before splitting up with his partner six months ago
03:33Being a dad and having a son
03:36It's the most important and most significant thing in my life
03:39If someone's going on a date with me, I would much rather than not have Googled me
03:43But then again, low expectations are easy to exceed
03:48Can't wait to get in front of Paul and be like, assess me
03:50Tell me where I've gone wrong
03:51I clearly need some help
03:55Professor Green
03:56Steven, please, good evening
03:57Steven
03:58How you doing?
03:59Drop the title
04:01It's just a nom de plume
04:02I don't know what that means
04:04It'll be something to do with plums, knowing Tom
04:06Your work is sublime
04:07I suffer with compliments, by the way, so
04:09Oh, do you?
04:10Yeah, if I seem awkward, it's because I am
04:11I will stem the flow in that case
04:13Because I can be like a machine gun volley often
04:16Yeah, well shove a thumb up your barrel, Tom
04:18Because the next celeb is inbound
04:22It's former Richard and Judy's son-in-law, James Haskell
04:25He played some rugby too
04:26I played rugby, I was very lucky to play for my country
04:29I was lucky to play around the world
04:31I now DJ and make music
04:39James was previously married to TV presenter and personal trainer, Chloe Madeley
04:43I was with Chloe, I met her in 2015
04:47And we got married, got a daughter called Bodie, who's three and a bit
04:52You know, we separated two and a half years ago now
04:56Dating later on in your life is definitely a bit like the wild west
04:59It doesn't matter how big you are, how cool you think you are
05:02Going up to a girl and ask for the number and then getting dismissed
05:06Still digs you out
05:08Oh, not for me that
05:09I've got high expectations of the agents
05:11Every day's a school day
05:13And school's in session
05:14What could possibly go wrong?
05:16You'd be surprised the massive bloke from the chase drunk a candle last year
05:21Hang on, where's the crutch come from?
05:22He didn't have one on the walking-in shots
05:24How's he injured himself already?
05:26How you doing? I'm James, lovely to meet you
05:27How are you? How lovely to meet you
05:30You are?
05:30It's not just a sympathy
05:31No, no, I wish it was, I wish it was
05:33It's a hell of a story, but no
05:33Do you know, you and I have an awful lot in common
05:36Do we?
05:36Mmm
05:37You've both seen Richard Madeley's knob?
05:39And we've both been in the junk
05:40I know, you were amazing
05:41Ah, yeah, that was it
05:42Did you have to eat anything, Garcy?
05:44I had to drink pig's penis
05:45Pig's vagina, I didn't mind
05:47Because I had it in solid and liquid form
05:49Oh yeah?
05:49And in solid form it was a bit like a, kind of a, a bacon-y radish
05:53But hairier, I suspect
05:55What a normal conversation
05:56Perfect, perfect
05:57As these two jungle vets swap war stories
06:00Stranding now a tastier treat
06:05She's baking it
06:06And I'm talking smoke
06:07It's the radishing bite-sized Love Islander, Gabby Allen
06:12I'm Gabby, I'm 33
06:14And you might know me from Love Island and Celebrity SAS
06:17Love Island was an amazing experience
06:19Because I just sit there in a bikini and have a lovely time
06:23And then SAS is the complete opposite
06:24Oh my God
06:27Shit, is that Toadfish?
06:30It's hell on earth, but so rewarding
06:33Let's go
06:33Gabby, not Toadfish
06:35Leave him alone
06:37I've been single for two years
06:39Everyone that I'm going for is just about initial impressions
06:42And then it all goes downhill
06:44I have the worst beer goggles
06:46Give me a margarita and I'll snog anyone
06:49Barman, one margarita please
06:50And some mints
06:51I'm 33 and I feel like all the good ones might be taken by now
06:54However, statistically they'll probably be divorced soon
06:57And then I can probably get with them once they're out of that first marriage
07:00Come to me with better equipment
07:04Doubt it, their equipment won't have been used since having kids
07:07Agents, bring them to me
07:11Oh my God
07:12I'm so nervous
07:13I'm so excited
07:13Oh
07:14Can I give you a libation?
07:16Yes, please
07:16Thank you
07:17Will that help?
07:18Hello
07:18How are you?
07:20Nice to meet you
07:21Oh, it's lovely to meet you
07:23Oh, perfect
07:23In between two guys already
07:25Both divorced?
07:26Right up your alley Gabby
07:27You look as braced and ready for romance as anybody ever could
07:32Okay, that's good
07:33He didn't say that to us
07:34Hard luck Haskell
07:35Well brace yourself for another Tom
07:37Cause our next celebs are always ready for romance
07:40It's the wonder from down under
07:42Aussie math star Lucinda Light
07:45I'm Lucinda Light
07:47G'day
07:47I am 45 years of age
07:50And I'm looking for love
07:52After married at first sight
07:54I'm ready to take a punt on love again
07:56Walking toward him
07:58I thought, ooh, solid and nice bump
08:00Like I was actually just checking him out
08:03Being a total pearl
08:04Much like my wife on our wedding day
08:06Dirty cow
08:07I want some top tier, quality, fabulous men
08:12That have got their shit together
08:15Dr Tara talks about big plish energy
08:18But in Australia we call it big pussy energy
08:21And that's what I'm here to do
08:22Bring my big pussy energy
08:24Yeah, not sure if UK men are looking for a big pussy
08:27Gotta be honest with you
08:28I'm a juicy wet and wild woman
08:30You know, splish splash
08:32So let's go
08:33I hope Tom's brought his caution wet floor sign
08:35Or at least a mop and bucket
08:39That is a bald eagle isn't it?
08:41Eyes up Tommy boy
08:42Is it bald?
08:44You should know
08:44I suppose they all are
08:46It is utterly majestic
08:48Ah, we're talking about her dress
08:50Shame
08:51Also the other thing I like about it is that the talons are out
08:54Yes
08:55Ready to clasp some prey
08:57It is a metaphor
08:58I am ready to claw them in
09:01Let's go
09:01Having got an eye full of Lucinda's bald eagle
09:04I am in the mood for another love hungry celeb
09:06If my bald was bald
09:09It's pop royalty and loose women legend, Colleen Nolan
09:14Woo
09:14I am probably best known for loose women
09:17But just take the brow off
09:19Oh no, Kay
09:21Why?
09:22Because then I can tuck them in my chub rub knickers
09:26I am not selling myself am I?
09:28Any form of dating app is out the window
09:31Not true
09:32My mate Sad Alan met his wife on chubbrubbers.com
09:35Also from my singing days with the Nolan sisters
09:39It was a mad time, it was an amazing time
09:45I am very romantic
09:47I have been in love on numerous occasions
09:50My first marriage ended because of infidelities
09:56Husband number one was none other than East Ender Alfie Moon
09:59AKA Shane Ritchie
10:01Then my second marriage just grew apart
10:03I've been single for about 18 months
10:08I kind of need help
10:10You want to be a part of my life, then we're a team
10:12I'm not there to be your servant
10:14Unless you ask nicely
10:16God almighty, what the hell am I doing?
10:21Oh, look at him
10:25Beautiful Scarlet
10:26Oh, thank you
10:27This is most becoming most
10:29Can I offer you a tip?
10:30I just want to listen to him all day
10:31Yeah, she's a loose woman
10:33She can take hours of pointless drivel
10:35So nervous
10:36I know, it is terribly nerve-wracking
10:39I also think the nerves are such a good sign
10:41Because they're a sign of caring deeply
10:43Yes, you're right
10:44You know
10:45And last up, someone who's never knowingly nervous
10:47Yes, ding ding, he's back in the ring
10:50The one, the only, David Potts
10:54I'm back
10:58Agents, I'm ready for round two
11:00I am David Potts and I am 32 years old
11:05I know I don't look it
11:06Who's going to tell him?
11:08I would describe myself as
11:11A nice, fun, bubbly character
11:15With a big gob and very long legs
11:18Shake it down to the floor
11:19Get low, get low
11:20I've done Ibiza Weekender
11:21Celebrity Karaoke Club
11:23Slebs on the Farm
11:24Celebrity Big Brother
11:25Have done Slebs Gordain
11:27But that was eight years ago
11:28I do want someone like
11:29As tall as me
11:30If not a little bit taller
11:31Yeah
11:32Someone who's like straight acting
11:33Like beefy
11:34Lighter coloured hair than me
11:35Straight acting, beefy, light hair
11:37I'm here for you big boy
11:39Wrap those legs around me
11:40This time
11:41I want a man
11:42I want a husband
11:43I've had situationships
11:45I've been seeing people
11:47But I've never had a
11:48We are
11:49Boyfriend
11:50And boyfriend
11:54You're corresponding
11:55You're shimmering
11:57I'm so excited guys
11:58We've been so excited
12:00To have you restored to our bosom
12:02Thank you my love
12:03We really, really have
12:04Thank you
12:05You might be a bomb for everybody's souls
12:07Because everybody's feeling very, very nervous
12:11Oh no guys, it's so much fun
12:14Because you did it once before
12:15Yeah, I did this like eight years ago
12:17Definitely a different mindset for me this time
12:20Yeah, there's been an evolution
12:22I can see
12:22Yeah, for sure
12:23Yeah, alright Tom, that'll do
12:25They're chuffing, starving
12:26And you've promised them some grub
12:27Shall we get a move on?
12:28Well, darlings
12:30It's time for you to follow me
12:32Oh
12:32Here we go
12:34Where's he taking us?
12:35Trust me, sometimes it's best not to ask
12:40Just feels ineffably grand
12:42And speaking of grand
12:44I reckon the little fella has pulled a blinder here
12:46Very plush
12:47Full marks, Thomas
12:48Oh
12:49Wow
12:51Now you will find your name cards hither and yawn
12:55Oh my word
12:56That's so stunning
12:58Why are we so spread apart?
13:00Obviously there are three holes
13:03One up top, one up front and one round the back
13:05For special occasions only
13:06And these gaps are to be filled
13:09Where's he going with this?
13:11By the Merlins of romance
13:15Well, hocus pocus my bum hole
13:18If it isn't the magic circle of love themselves
13:21Alaka bloody zam
13:23It's...
13:23The one, the only, Mr Paul C Brunson
13:28Relationship guru, Anna Williamson
13:32And pint-sized sexpert, Dr Tara
13:44Oh my goodness
13:45It is so good to be back
13:47With a whole new bunch of celebs all looking for love
13:49I cannot wait to get under their skin
13:52And find out what makes them tick
13:55Bring it on!
13:56This is going to be epic
13:57Hi, how you doing?
13:58Hello my love
13:59Well this is a bit boosh
14:01I know, it's gorgeous isn't it?
14:02Isn't it?
14:03Can I give a big hello to everyone at this table?
14:07Yes
14:07Very much, I want to say hello and welcome
14:10Oh God, tension music already?
14:12What's going on Paul?
14:14What you're about to go on
14:15Is going to be the most incredible ride, okay?
14:19How are you all feeling about that?
14:21Everyone looks a little bit nervous
14:22I just took a deep breath and I haven't let it out yet
14:25Tonight is not about an ordinary dinner at all
14:28This is a dinner party with a twist
14:31You're up my job
14:32You're up my job
14:32We are so back
14:42Welcome back to Celebs Go Dating
14:44Where the class of 26 have had a good old probing by Tom
14:48And now he's handed them over to the Brundog
14:50Who's wasted no time in getting straight down to business
14:55Tonight is not about an ordinary dinner at all
14:58This is a dinner party with a twist
15:03This time we're doing things differently
15:07So we can truly understand who you are and what you need
15:12Wow, the agents are on full banter lockdown
15:15F.B.L.
15:17Now it may not be the mixer you were expecting
15:19But don't worry
15:20Because one is coming, all right?
15:22And it will keep you firmly on your dating toes
15:25Oh, I don't know if I'm excited or I'm going to be sick
15:28I have a question, Mr. James
15:30Yes?
15:31You present very confident
15:32For someone who really presents as you've got your act together
15:36Right?
15:37When you look back at the marriage
15:38Where did it go wrong?
15:41Cheers, Paul, for that
15:42Absolutely no time for a starter
15:44Before you're already demanding to know the inner workings of my marriage
15:47It's very easy in a relationship to talk about the other person
15:51Look, you're only in control of how you behave
15:54And I think, you know, pretty early on when we had a daughter
15:57It coincided with me having lots of DJ trips away
16:00And it was the first time that part of my career was going really well
16:03And I probably took a piss a little bit
16:05But I'd stay out an extra night, you know, and I should have come home
16:08And I probably just didn't support her enough
16:11And I didn't get that stuff right
16:12So I was very excited to come here
16:14Be open-minded
16:15Let you tell me what you think
16:17And sometimes you need to look at your own kind of behaviours
16:21The way you are
16:22I'm sort of really keen to kind of explore that
16:24And maybe just have some of the rough edges smoothed off, you know
16:27And see if I can make it work and be better
16:29Thank you so much for sharing
16:31And I think what you've done is you've just given everyone permission
16:35To be able to be just as vulnerable, so thank you
16:38Thank you
16:39Stephen, you seem quite nervous
16:41Yeah
16:42Yeah
16:42Yeah, he looks like he's about to drop a little Professor Brown
16:46What are you nervous about?
16:48Everything
16:48Yeah, all of it at the moment
16:50But do you know what?
16:52I'd love to get under the hood of the psychology, you know
16:55I'd love to hear from people who actually know what they're doing
16:58As far as dating and love
17:01About myself, I think we're always our own blind spots
17:03Man's going deep
17:05So I would like to get under the... I'd like to get under my hood
17:08You wouldn't want to get under mine unless I've had a shower
17:11Because it stinks of quavers and guilt
17:13My situation is difficult
17:16But this is going to be an education for me
17:20That was intense
17:21Now, is there any actual food coming at this dinner party?
17:24Or is it just truth tapas?
17:25Lucinda, you got married to a man that you've never seen before
17:29Like, how was that?
17:30Oh, a wild experience and so much fun
17:33Yeah, I'd love to find that person that I can sort of do the next incarnation with
17:39I think, you know, yeah, sometimes I get a bit doubtful
17:43Or a bit like, oh God, you know, who would take this journey on?
17:48Yes, well, you know, at least in a year in the right place
17:50Yeah
17:50Because we are taking that journey on
17:52Yeah
17:52Yes
17:53Yeah
17:53I'm excited and bring it on
17:55Brilliant, now can we have some food?
17:57Ah, finally!
17:59Have a word with the staff, Tom
18:00Yes
18:00You should do grace
18:01You should say grace or something
18:02Thank you, love
18:05Well, bon appetit
18:07Bon?
18:08Leave it out, Anna
18:08Even I know it's bon
18:10Give your head a wobble
18:17So, how long have you been married for?
18:19I've been married now for three years
18:21I've been together with my husband for six years
18:23Oh, nice
18:24And I also have a boyfriend here
18:26Oh, nice
18:26For the last seven months
18:27I'm Polly
18:28No, you're not, you're Dr T
18:29Excuse me, you've got a boyfriend here?
18:31Yeah, yeah
18:32I'm in an ethical, non-monogamous relationship
18:34So, I'm Polly
18:36Oh, she means polyamorous
18:38God, that is so Dr T
18:39A husband and a lover
18:41So greedy
18:41Double dick
18:43My husband dates other people as well
18:45Legend
18:45You have to work really hard on that
18:47Otherwise, it's very difficult
18:48People think it's like
18:49They get past the sort of
18:50Yeah
18:51Amusement side of it
18:52Then it's very much work
18:53Communication
18:54But it's as hard as monogamy
18:56Yeah, 100%
18:57You know what I'm curious on that note
18:58Is who around the table
19:00Would be open
19:01To have an ethical, non-monogamous relationship
19:05And Colleen, I'd love to start with you
19:10You know, because you know
19:11My wife and I were looking for a
19:13No
19:16Can I just say
19:17I was going to say
19:18Oh no, I couldn't deal with that
19:19But now
19:22It depends on with who
19:23Wow
19:24I think I would be open to it
19:26You'd be open to it
19:27Respect, cool
19:28I'll see what Lou says
19:28And get back to you
19:29Is that something that you've done before?
19:32I have explored it before, yes
19:34Yeah, yeah
19:34With my last partner
19:36Who was a female
19:37Okay
19:38I gave it a go
19:38But actually realised within that
19:40That I'm quite hetero
19:41But I gave it a red hot shot
19:43I am all about the exploration
19:45Map the way for me, Dr T
19:48I am here to look for a partner
19:51But I don't mind having a bit of fun in the water park
19:55En route, if you know what I mean
19:56Splish splash
19:57From my experience
19:58If you start heavy petting in the water park
20:00They'll route you to the exit
20:01But you know
20:02Exploration is beautiful
20:04Because it allows you to get clarity for yourself
20:07That's it
20:08You know, if you've never explored
20:09How would you actually know?
20:11Yep
20:11Well, David
20:13When you were here last time
20:15Yeah
20:15I wasn't here
20:16You wasn't
20:17Uh-uh, uh-uh
20:19So please, please tell us
20:20Like why are you back at the agency?
20:22Oh God
20:23Erm
20:23I think last time
20:26I was
20:27Very
20:29Emotionally
20:30Unintelligent
20:31Whereas this time
20:32My
20:34Head space is
20:35I actually don't
20:36Give a shit
20:37About
20:40Being judged
20:41About my vulnerabilities
20:43Is she playing invisible castanets?
20:46Also I'm ready for someone
20:47To put a bloody ring on it
20:48Oh
20:50Ha! Knew it
20:51I believe that that is out there
20:53And that's what I want
20:54But what does that true love look like for you?
20:56Physically
20:57Can you like describe him?
20:58Oh what it looks like?
21:00Yeah
21:00Can you describe him?
21:01So tall
21:01This is probably a trigger for Anna and Paul
21:03Yeah, it is actually
21:04Taller
21:24Older
21:26All right
21:27All right, well
21:27You're ready for love
21:28You're ready for marriage
21:29Gabby
21:30Mmm
21:31What about you?
21:33I don't know
21:34I don't actually know
21:35What I'm doing wrong
21:37It's because
21:38I like people
21:39And they're probably wrong for me
21:41And usually they're younger
21:42I feel like sometimes
21:44I might compromise on things
21:46Just because
21:47I'm so attracted to them
21:48And then they end up
21:50Just being awful for me
21:52However, I've dated people
21:54And that's been missing
21:55And I'm just not fulfilled at all
21:57Because
21:58I want to be with somebody that
22:00Makes me feel alive
22:02And also
22:03I need to be put in my feminine energy
22:04As well
22:05Because I feel like
22:06I'm sorry, did you say
22:07You need to be put
22:08Yeah
22:09In your feminine energy
22:10Yeah
22:10So you need someone else to put you
22:12In your feminine energy
22:13Okay
22:14Is that wrong?
22:15Very
22:16Yeah
22:16Yeah
22:16Okay, so
22:17I mean
22:18I want somebody to
22:21Make me feel safe and secure
22:24Because I feel like
22:25That is my role within my family
22:27So having somebody that makes
22:30Okay
22:31Makes me feel like that
22:33Yes
22:33And that's all I want to say
22:34You deserve that
22:36Yes
22:36You know what's wild is
22:38I've never felt like
22:40We've started an agency
22:42With this level of intimacy
22:43Aw
22:44Yes
22:45Can I just say
22:46While you say that
22:47That this is the first show
22:49I've ever thought
22:50I really want to do that show
22:53Wow
22:54I've never done that
22:55About another show
22:56Ever
22:56Ha!
22:57In your face loose women ladies
22:59I think because
23:00I've reached a part in my life
23:02Where I genuinely
23:03Would like to meet someone
23:05I have met people
23:07I have been on the dating apps
23:08I think what I'm looking for
23:10Is really hard to find
23:11For me
23:12What do you want?
23:13I think because I'm looking for
23:14Mr everyday normal
23:16Have you considered
23:17Having breakfast in Wetherspoons?
23:19I live a very normal life
23:20I very rarely go to big celebrity things
23:22You know I've got a little farm
23:24With all my animals
23:25And that's where I'm at my happiest
23:27And so I think
23:28Trying to meet someone
23:29That can just accept that
23:30And accept me as me
23:32And not my celebrity status
23:34Or
23:35Or be intimidated by it
23:37At the same time
23:38And that's where I'm finding it hard
23:40Because I've met a lot of guys
23:41And we've had a connection
23:42And they've been very honest
23:44And go
23:44I just don't think I can live in your world
23:46And I'm like
23:47I don't know what you think my world is
23:50Sometimes I'd just like someone at home
23:51To put their arms around me
23:52When I get in and go
23:53Do you know what?
23:54It's all going to be okay
23:55We're going to be okay
23:57This year was the first time
23:59That I've ever had to put Christmas decorations
24:01Up on my own
24:02I remember being in the house
24:04Thinking
24:05Oh shit
24:05I'm
24:06I'm lonely
24:07Oh
24:08Colleen
24:09That's so sad
24:10Don't worry
24:11You're in the right place
24:12We'll sort you out
24:13So
24:14No pressure
24:15But you are my last chance to lose
24:17You either do something
24:19Or I die alone
24:20Okay
24:21We can't have that happen
24:22We can't have that happen
24:23Darling's all
24:24Your candour has been
24:26Utterly
24:27Delicious
24:28And I want to reward you
24:30With a delicious dessert
24:33Oh
24:34Have you baked us a cake?
24:35Well
24:36Possibly
24:38Dessert
24:38Is served
24:41Oh shit
24:42What's this?
24:44Wait
24:45That's not a tiramisu
24:47Someone's coming
24:48Is this your twist Paul?
24:50Yes
24:50Oh god
24:51Who is it?
24:52What's going on?
25:03Welcome back to Celebs Go Dating
25:05Where Tom is about to serve our new celebs with some delicious dessert
25:09I hope he's not just been to the kitchen to add extra cream
25:12Oh
25:14Dessert
25:14Is served
25:18I'm actually shaking
25:19Yeah I get like that with sticky toffee pudding
25:21Custard
25:22Cream
25:22And sauce
25:23In the form of
25:25Colleen's beloved sister Maureen
25:33David's best friend Ellie
25:36No way!
25:38Oh my god!
25:39Jesus I couldn't hear you all way up there!
25:42Hi everyone!
25:45Stephen's childhood friend Lewis
25:49Oh ho ho ho ho!
25:52Yay!
25:52Welcome to Lewis
25:53See you Lewis walking my immediate reaction
25:57Oh god what's he gonna say?
25:59Gabby's dear friend Lyle
26:03Welcome Lyle
26:04He's gonna go pear shape
26:06He knows too much
26:08Lucinda's cousin Tom
26:10Yeah!
26:11That's me Lyle
26:13And James's mum Susie
26:16The one
26:19Oh she's a diva
26:20She is!
26:21I'm so glad you all turned up
26:25Enjoy your desserts everybody and I will see you at the agency
26:31Sorry can I check are there any actual desserts coming?
26:35Friends and family can often see where the celebrities love lives are going wrong
26:39Often things that the celebrities themselves just cannot see
26:43So these are very much the best people to help us understand our new clients
26:48We all love mums don't we?
26:51Yeah!
26:52So we wanna hear from Susie
26:55Oh my god
26:56Mum is an absolute loose cannon at the best of times
26:59I am dreading what's gonna come out of her mouth
27:02As long as she does not upset my ex
27:05James is not what he appears to be
27:09He actually underneath is extremely sensitive
27:14I'm not sure where he's gone wrong
27:17Because prior to his marriage
27:20I met lots of lovely girlfriends
27:24Each of them just loved me
27:27That's a bonus
27:28I never saw James squirm like that playing rugby
27:31I do have quite a strong opinion why I think it went wrong
27:36You can't have two stars
27:42Because you have them competing for the floor space all the time
27:46That explains why no one's seen Richard and Judy in the same room for 30 years
27:51In the past he's been extremely popular
27:53I mean I've seen at rugby matches where elderly ladies have gotten very close to him
28:00What are your hopes for James at the end of this process?
28:04You need someone that can see
28:06We'll tell him to stop with the elderly then
28:08The softness of him
28:10Oh right I thought we meant eyes
28:13Coupled with quite brilliant intellect
28:16He's written seven books
28:19Wow quite the author
28:21And I think three of them were on the times best-selling list
28:25Two of them
28:26Who's counting?
28:26I am
28:28I've got copies for everyone
28:30Has he got pictures?
28:31Because if not it'll be a hard pass for David
28:33Good
28:34Okay up next
28:35Stephen you seem so keen
28:37When you walked in I was overjoyed
28:39I mean look I'm not here to throw you under the bus or nothing though
28:42But like Stephen is a nightmare
28:45Oh wow
28:46Wow
28:46He's not just thrown him under the bus
28:48He's reversed it back over him
28:50You've been unlucky in love
28:52And yeah I think you've got your work cut out
28:54And then driven over him again
28:56So you think about Stephen on a date
28:58I can't
28:59I don't even want to imagine Stephen on a date
29:01It's ghastly
29:02Ooh
29:03Don't be fooled by the tattoos and the lyrics
29:05I think it's a little bit
29:06A bit clumsy
29:07A bit clunky
29:08But quite cute
29:10Give us an example of that
29:11Oh not the C word
29:12Louis
29:13Tear me a new one
29:14Thank you Louis
29:15Cheers mate
29:16Appreciate it
29:16So let's go to Lucinda here
29:18Okay
29:19With Tommy
29:20So I'm curious
29:22What do you believe Lucinda needs
29:25In her life
29:26A man
29:27A man man
29:29Lulu is looking for love
29:31Genuine love
29:33And has been for a long time
29:36Lucie is a big character
29:38Which is wonderful
29:39And we don't want someone to shrink Lucie's personality
29:43But match it
29:44Lulu has said that she has explored with a woman before
29:50Naughty
29:54That's what lockdown does to you
29:57David Potts
29:58Oh
29:58Ellie
29:59He falls in love quite easy does David
30:01Like at least once a week
30:02I'll be like
30:03They know that
30:04I fall in love
30:05I'm a sucker for love
30:06Well that's good
30:07Do you know what I mean
30:08I'm a sucker for love guys
30:09He's got his time
30:11He's like well I want him to be this and that
30:12If he's a bit shorter
30:14And I know what you're thinking
30:15Give him a chance
30:17He could be the love of your life
30:18Ellie
30:19If he's not even able to get on the rides at a theme park
30:23He isn't going to be the love of my life
30:25Next up
30:26We have
30:28Gabby
30:28And Lyle
30:29You know
30:30She has a lot to offer
30:31And you know
30:32Anyone who knows and knows
30:33She's got a lot of layers there
30:35But we don't necessarily see it enough
30:36Because she's obviously terrified of
30:39What
30:39Judgment
30:40The judgements
30:41About it Lyle
30:42Fair play
30:43Long on air
30:44Short on chat
30:45We would love to know Maureen a little bit more about Colleen
30:48Colleen has just got so much to give
30:52The problem is that when she meets someone
30:54She falls in love so easily
30:57And gives so much immediately
31:01Sometimes comes back to bite her on the ass a little bit
31:04I kind of like that
31:08Do you find sexual connection important?
31:11Yes
31:12Is that something that you're looking for as well?
31:14Well I didn't think I was
31:16And I'd heard all this thing about menopause
31:18How old women lose their sexual libido
31:21And everything goes like the Sahara Desert
31:23And it's gone the complete opposite for me
31:26I don't know what's happened
31:29Susie
31:32Oh God
31:33Susie for James' sake
31:35Will everyone say nothing?
31:37Can I just say I'm loving James' face with his mother
31:40Sitting next to him in this conversation?
31:43Torture
31:44This is torture
31:47So now celebs
31:48Your night is not over
31:50But friends and family
31:52Your night is
31:53Oh
31:53Can I start with me?
31:56Right
31:56So now the celebs in a circle have stitched them up
31:58They're off to drink the free bar dry
32:00Bye baby
32:01I'm okay
32:01Bye Susie
32:02While the experts have yet another surprise in store
32:05We have some envelopes
32:08Each one is personalised to you
32:10Yeah that's generally how envelopes work, Doctor T
32:13Otherwise it's a free-for-all
32:14These are your first dates
32:16Woo
32:17Yes
32:20Oh my God
32:21This is getting real
32:22I am just ready to lean in and go
32:25For how exciting
32:26Let's go
32:26David
32:27Yeah
32:28If you would like to open your envelope please
32:29And reveal
32:31To us all
32:31What is inside
32:34Oh my God
32:36Is it the bill?
32:38He has jacked me
32:39Get in
32:41David
32:42I moved from Melbourne to London
32:45Three months ago
32:46I'm in for a tree
32:48Remember don't fall in love
32:49Oh my God
32:50I need to chill out
32:51But what the fuck?
32:53Oh my God
32:54This is love
32:56Gabby would you like to reveal who is in your envelope?
32:59Oh my God
33:00I'm so nervous
33:04I can't tell from her expression
33:07Johnny
33:0834
33:09Oh
33:10It's probably the oldest I've ever got
33:12Wow
33:13I spend my days handling carp
33:15Is that fish?
33:16It is
33:17I don't know how I feel about that
33:18Sexy fisherman
33:19Getting my hands wet
33:21And I'm always up for something a bit naughty
33:23This is one catch you won't want to throw back
33:25So how do we feel about Johnny the fisherman?
33:28That doesn't turn me on
33:29But he likes fish
33:31Really?
33:32Can we have another one?
33:34No
33:34Shit
33:35You know what I suspect?
33:37Is you looked at the photo
33:38And you weren't interested
33:40So you started looking for negatives
33:42I'm not being funny
33:43But Paul needs to get off my case
33:45I just don't fancy the fishy fella
33:47I'm trusting the princess
33:48Yes
33:49Yes
33:50He looks cool
33:51Lucinda has been matched with Silver Fox Neil
33:54I'm happy to lean into that
33:55Splish splash
33:57Come on Steven
33:59And Steven has been paired with sexy DJ Viv
34:02Does it sort of feel like it's got a bit real now?
34:04Shit's real
34:05Shit just got real
34:06James
34:08Kitten 30
34:08I'm loud
34:09I'm high energy
34:10If you can handle me
34:11You'll definitely remember the night
34:13Even if parts of it are a blur
34:15She has a lot to say
34:16And she has great sexual energy
34:19Meow
34:19You're excited
34:20Are you a bit overwhelmed?
34:21I don't really know
34:22You know what I mean?
34:22I'm sort of not really sure what my reaction is
34:24Because I've never had that
34:25There have been a blind date
34:26So yeah, I'm very excited to see what she's like
34:29Colleen
34:30Neil P
34:3160
34:32I've blown up bridges
34:34And raised sons
34:36And if there's chemistry
34:37Let's just say
34:39I still know how to keep things running smoothly
34:41Longer than lights out
34:44Neil
34:46Neil
34:47Neil looks nice
34:49But I really wanted that reaction that David's just had
34:53You are all going on these dates within the next 48 hours
34:58Except actually for two of you
35:02Who will be going on those dates
35:07Immediately
35:08Well, splash my splish
35:10What?
35:11No, you're joking
35:12Those two celebrities are
35:14Sink washes for everyone
35:15Get those slits and dicks clean
35:20Yourself, Colleen?
35:22And James
35:24No, you're joking
35:25You're going on a date right now
35:27I'm in
35:27Let's do it
35:28Christ, I thought I was going out to bed
35:31Well, Neil might
35:34Talk about speed dating
35:35What happened to breaking me in gently?
35:38Bye
35:38Bye
35:39Bye everyone
35:40I'm so excited
35:41I can't wait to hear all about it
35:42Hold on a minute
35:43Why do Colleen and James get to meet theirs now?
35:47Why do I have to wait to meet the gorgeous Mark from Melbourne?
35:51These agents are cock blockers
35:56So before Colleen and James can be shoved into the back of a black cab
36:00And score their dinner party out of ten
36:01They're whisked off to the other side of London
36:03For their first date
36:04With these lucky, loveless lovelies
36:07I don't think I've even met a celebrity before in my life
36:10So this is going to be a totally new experience for me
36:14Calm down, Neil
36:15You're having a drink with Colleen Nolan
36:16You're not going to the NTAs
36:19I'm feeling so excited about my date
36:21I've never heard of James
36:23But they showed me a photo of him
36:25And he was topless
36:26He had abs for days
36:28You cook great cheese on that
36:29And I absolutely love cheese
36:31So I'm ready
36:32Well, Dairy Lee, dunk my arse
36:34She's ready, people
36:35Take me to Cathedral City
36:44Welcome back to Celebs Go Dating
36:46Where our new bunch of pampered personalities
36:48Have been suitably wined and dined
36:50And then, because it's us
36:52Forced to spill the tea on their pitiful private lives
36:55And if that wasn't bad enough
36:57We've slung these two out for their very first date
37:00With James off to meet 30-year-old admin assistant kitten
37:05Meow
37:05And for Colleen is retired arm instructor Neil
37:08Who's no doubt going commando
37:10Dick on trouser
37:12Hello
37:13Hello
37:13Neil
37:14Yes
37:14Hello
37:15Hi
37:15Lovely to meet you
37:17I took the liberty of getting champagne to start with
37:20Thank you
37:21Cheers
37:21Cheers
37:22What's this dating like at 60?
37:25I don't know
37:25I don't know
37:26What do you do?
37:27Exactly
37:28Hello, how are you doing?
37:30Hey
37:30Nice to meet you
37:30I'm James
37:31Nice to meet you
37:31How are you?
37:34Oh yeah, that's not awkward
37:35I love the tattoos
37:36Thank you
37:37You too
37:37I saw online that you have a leg injury
37:40Yeah, I do
37:40I'm limping everywhere
37:41I was happy about that though
37:43Because she tried you in a back door now
37:44Sorry, what?
37:47Yeah, I know
37:48I wouldn't do that anyway
37:49I'm too much a gentleman
37:49That's what they all say
37:51Where do you live?
37:52Where are you from originally?
37:53The place that I'm from is really big for rugby though
37:55Are you a rugby fan yourself?
37:57I've never watched rugby
37:58Okay
37:58And they were like, do you know who he is?
37:59And I was like, I'm not gonna lie, no
38:01But they showed me a photo of you topless
38:03And obviously I saw the abs and I was like
38:05Well, I want to know him
38:07Well, yeah
38:07I mean, I'm not sure I'm really in the ab phase at the moment
38:09I look like surgery
38:10I haven't trained a lot
38:11I look like you are
38:11Well, thank you, I appreciate it
38:12I mean, you look great too
38:16I embrace my personality instead of pretending to be someone I'm not
38:19So I've always had people call me crazy and stuff
38:22Oh really?
38:22But it's who I am
38:23So I embrace her
38:24And now my kind of like brandiness
38:26I'm like, yeah
38:26I'm the crazy tattooed woman
38:29I have a question for you
38:30Yeah, you can ask whatever you want
38:31So usually I date non-celebrities
38:33Or like 99.99% of the population
38:36So what do you think you can bring to the table as a rugby player that a normal man can't?
38:42Kitten's definitely lovely
38:43But this is beginning to feel like a bit of an interview I think
38:47What I'm bringing to the party at the moment is a body that doesn't work particularly well
38:50And I limp everywhere
38:51And a limp
38:51I limp, yeah
38:52If you're into guys with limps then I'm all over it
38:55I feel like the main thing for me is personality
38:57Yeah
38:57And emotional intelligence
38:59Because I can't deal with these younger men who don't know how to use a washing machine anymore
39:03Actually, I'll be honest with you, I look very manly
39:06But if you want me to like install your bathroom or like rewire a plug
39:11I'm a bit used to that kind of stuff
39:13But he will drink piss from a rugby boot
39:15So swings and roundabouts
39:18Hopefully Colleen's ex-army guy Neil has more useful life skills
39:21I did 15 years in the army, I was in the Royal Engineers
39:23And I used to teach demolitions
39:25So I've never actually blown up a bridge but I taught people how to do it
39:29I guess not, but you never know when that could come in handy
39:31You know this is okay actually, it's not as bad as I thought it was going to be
39:34And Neil's really good company
39:36Do you miss the army?
39:38I miss certain aspects of it
39:40You've never killed anyone
39:41Colleen, you can't ask him that
39:43It's like him asking you about auto-tune
39:45Seriously though Neil, who was on the bridge?
39:48Oh shit, has he killed someone?
39:52Actually there's a bit of story there
39:55Oh god this is awkward, my bum all sucking and pulsing like a thirsty bath plug
40:04You know you see all these guys on Remembrance Day with a whole chest of medals?
40:08Oh yeah?
40:08Yeah, go on
40:10I did 15 years
40:11What?
40:12Has he been banged up?
40:13But I haven't got one god damn medal
40:18Oh thank god for that, I thought he killed loads of pensions on a bridge
40:21He's just moaning about medals
40:23Why are we crap?
40:24I didn't, I didn't
40:27I'm going to give you a medal unless you deserve it
40:29No, but you've got to be sent
40:30I was never sent anywhere
40:31And did you want to go?
40:32If you're in a unit that goes
40:34You kind of want to be part of the team
40:36But did your unit go?
40:38Yes and the unit went but I'd already left to go somewhere else
40:40Idiot
40:42No, well you know it was when I got sent back to Sandcliffe as an instructor
40:45And they were like get back out there and get us a medal
40:47You might just have to settle for a poppy
40:50Are you good driving?
40:51I don't drive, I was in driving lessons for two years
40:54Right
40:54And I just couldn't do it, they said that the only person worse than me didn't speak English
40:58What was your, what couldn't you do?
41:00Everything
41:01You can't not do everything
41:03I was in driving lessons for two years and like over a hundred hours of lessons
41:09Kitten's definitely got some energy about her, which I'm enjoying
41:11She has described herself as a bit crazy
41:14And I'm beginning to see some of those traits come through
41:16Do you have a non-negotiable?
41:18Non-negotiable would be somebody who doesn't have drive
41:20Somebody who doesn't work
41:21I think I need people to secure as well
41:24Which is, which is challenging because everyone's got things that they, blind spots that they have
41:28And things that they don't want
41:29Yeah, it's when people just offload it all onto you and then you're like, ugh
41:34So what's your usual type?
41:36Because I've had a weird thing
41:38Yes
41:38That my entire life people have always told me that they can imagine me with a rugby player
41:42Oh really?
41:44It's getting a bit intense, probably need a bit of time out at the moment
41:48Can you excuse me, I'm just going to go to the bathroom, is that alright?
41:50Yeah, that's fine
41:50And when I say go to the bathroom, I limp to the bathroom
41:53Sorry mate
41:54Sorry to butt in
41:55Oh you, God James, come on
41:57How are you?
41:58I'm good
41:58Of course, how can I argue?
42:00You've let me go so easily
42:02Oh sorry, doing part of a fight, you've dropped the ball in
42:05Story of his life
42:08So, what do you think?
42:10So far so good, yeah
42:11Yeah? Good
42:12So talk to me, how's it going?
42:14It's going really well
42:15Really?
42:16It's really nice, yeah
42:17Has it made you laugh yet?
42:18I mean, not ballet laugh yet, but yeah
42:20Oh, just picky picky, right?
42:21He seems lovely, he's very polite, he's very charming
42:24And it's made me realise that I am willing to give it a go
42:30Go on girl, that's the spirit, you've got to be in it to win it
42:33Moving on to you
42:34Do you know what? She's really, really nice
42:37I think with very different people
42:39Would you see her again?
42:40My mentality is, listen, I've been single for two and a half years
42:44I've done dates like that
42:45I don't feel like, you know
42:48Yeah, this waffle sounds like a definite no to me
42:55What star sign are you?
42:57Aquarius
42:59Oh, are you?
43:00Oh, what does that mean?
43:02Oh, that's nice
43:03Are you really?
43:04I'm Pisces
43:05I know nothing about this
43:08Pisces are dreamers
43:09Just everything's a movie and romantic and soft
43:14Is that what you want?
43:15Right
43:16Yeah
43:16I have a feeling I know what James wants
43:18Shall we go?
43:19Yeah
43:19Yep, an early night
43:21Hope you want me to go
43:23Go for it
43:23Go for it
43:24Don't expect it back though
43:25Shall we get the bill?
43:26Yes
43:27Can we get the bill please?
43:29Well, thank you so much for a lovely date
43:30It was so nice to meet you
43:31It was really nice
43:32Hopefully see you again
43:33Yeah, see you soon, bye
43:34I really enjoyed the date actually
43:36And I feel like he had really good chat and we bounced off each other
43:40Slightly unresolved, I'm not sure if he wants to see me again
43:42I mean, does he? He didn't actually say
43:45He did to Killeen
43:46Look, as dates go, I think I showed my personality
43:51She was very complimentary, which obviously is a good thing
43:54But for me there wasn't quite that spark in terms of wanting to go further with her
44:05Thank you for that, I really appreciate it
44:07It's been really lovely tonight
44:10Yeah
44:11Because I haven't felt once
44:13Awkward
44:14Awkward
44:14At all
44:15No, it's been really nice
44:17You might want to tell your face that
44:19No
44:20So, erm...
44:21Cheers
44:22I would really like to see you again
44:25Oh God, what am I going to say?
44:28He's so nice, but I'm just, I'm just not sure if there's a spark
44:33I hope you feel the same
44:34I hope you feel the same
44:37That'd be lovely
44:39Mmm, say it like you mean it, Killeen
44:41Had a fabulous time
44:43I thought we were a really good match
44:44Erm, it was a really good exploratory first date
44:48Alright Neil, it was just a drink, not a reconnaissance mission in Basra
44:52Ooh
44:53God, it's a bit lasty, isn't it?
44:55Yeah, lovely to see you
44:56Lovely to see you
44:56To meet you
44:57See you again soon
44:59Yeah, definitely
44:59See you later, bye
45:00Bye-bye
45:01He was such a nice guy
45:02And we do seem to match on what we want in a relationship, which is good
45:06But it didn't make me laugh, and that's high up on my list
45:10You know, I do want to meet someone, but you know what, it's so hard
45:13It can't be everyone else, some of it's got to be me
45:16I'm obviously doing something wrong or expecting too much
45:20Why is it so complicated now?
45:22Don't worry, Killeen, we'll find you someone
45:26Still to come
45:27The agency throws open its doors
45:31Entree
45:31And I'm not talking about Tom's back ones
45:33Hello!
45:35What's there on the phone?
45:36It's kind of embarrassing
45:37Hashtag orcs
45:40The celebs go dating
45:42There was literally a dog doing a wee up a tree behind you, sorry
45:45Okay
45:46That'd throw me, to be fair
45:48And the shit chat's back
45:49God, suck a fart out of your arse
45:51Literally
45:53Things heat up at the first mixer
45:54You are outrageous, I love her
45:56Your finger is naughty
45:57I was sandwiched between two men and I was like, oh no, we're not you, sorry
46:01Dude's got no game
46:02Understatement
46:03What do I do?
46:04Oh, show me, bro
46:05After that whole exchange, it came across as very rude
46:10And the temperature keeps rising as the celebs land in Tenerife
46:15You're about to get torn left, right and centre
46:19Hopefully I will on me date
46:20Oh, Killeen
46:21Once I had sex up a tree
46:24Up a tree?
46:25Yeah
46:25Splinter my sphincter
46:26We are go
46:28Go
46:28Go
46:28Go
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