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Temptation Island - Season 1 - Episode 10: Final Bonfire - Part 1
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00:07Previously on temptation island are those freaking dolphins
00:13It's a crazy feeling how close I feel to Katherine. Oh, shut up. Wow
00:19Definitely looking forward to some more intimacy with her. You're crazy
00:24You feel okay? Yeah, I feel good. I'm really sad everything is coming to an end and
00:30I have a hard conversation that I'm gonna have to have with John
00:33It was like the perfect night. I didn't expect to be tempted at all and
00:37I gave in but I haven't stopped thinking about Nicole and just hope we can work things out
00:43I love the person I'm with but I'm not deeply in love and I want that
00:48Tyler has really opened up my mind to what a real relationship could be
00:54You're not gonna tempt me
00:56You'll never forget me
01:01You're not gonna tempt me
01:03Oh
01:05Oh
01:08You're not gonna tempt me
01:11You'll never forget me
01:15You're not gonna tempt me
01:26Hey guys
01:28I'm here to tell you that ladies
01:31unfortunately
01:34This is goodbye
01:37What?
01:39Your time on the island has ended
01:42And I want you to keep in mind that depending on what these gentlemen decide at their final bonfire
01:48For some of you this could be goodbye forever
01:53This does not feel right to me this isn't what I expected this isn't what I wanted
01:58I'll give you a moment to say your goodbyes and then you can gather your things and it'll be time
02:02to leave the villa
02:02I don't know how to explain what I'm feeling right now, but it's not good
02:10This has been amazing it's changed my entire life it's changed what what I want what I thought I wanted
02:16everything everything
02:17Okay
02:21Oh my gosh don't extra extra nervous
02:24Baby hey hey
02:25He just said bonfire so I should be able to handle it and that's what you wanted right
02:30I gotta handle what I gotta handle
02:32You got faith in me?
02:37What is he checking in?
02:40I'm telling myself that I feel confident that he wants to be with me but seeing casey in person
02:45I feel will make him crumble because he feels guilty for hurting her
02:54I have no idea where your head's at
02:57What are you thinking?
02:58I don't know just it's like
03:00No, it's gonna be tough because I do love katie like it's like I still want to just get things
03:05resolved
03:08I want to hear katie's side of the story because I've literally I've seen her side of the story
03:14Yeah, I want john like I want to be around him
03:17I mean at this point like if I could just have more days with him
03:21I'm literally just on a day with me
03:24I'm afraid that he's gonna go with what's comfortable and is easy and he's not going to have enough confidence
03:35to go after someone that he deserves
03:40All right
03:46Sorry, I'm gonna make you cry
03:49You literally helped me this whole experience become the better man, you know, and I'm thankful for you. I'm glad
03:55I met you too
03:55Like you're like my first like female transfer, you know
03:58But I'm so proud of you and just your openness throughout this whole process and your faithfulness and your respect
04:05that you've had for your relationship
04:06Shari has a good man. She is lucky. I held it down. Yeah, you showed me that there are good
04:12men out there
04:13I mean
04:18It's a bit bittersweet to say goodbye to Kayla. She's one of my good friends
04:21We develop relationship a connection in this house
04:23So me saying bye to her right now was pretty hard, but at the end of the day, you know,
04:27I'm ready to see my baby girl
04:28And this experience has shown me that I'm more than capable and ready to be devoted to one woman's rest
04:32of my life
04:33Oh, what a ride
04:34Right, right?
04:35And I made a great friend
04:37I made a good friend too
04:38Jay Zan
04:39Kayla Kay
04:42This has been amazing like you're an amazing person. You're a beautiful person
04:46I've never met a match that you know met me
04:51Intellectually obviously I care for you. I care for your feelings. I know
04:55That you feel vulnerable and it's just wild that we ended up connecting like this
05:01But I've always told you since this has started that you know, I'm gonna have to go home. I'm gonna
05:08have to have conversations
05:10I hope you have a great life whether I see you again. I hope you have an amazing life
05:16Whether I see you again or not. I'm sure I will
05:20I don't know what that's gonna look like, but I'm sure I'll see you again
05:26I had an amazing time with Brittany
05:29But I still love Nicole and I'm not ready to give up on our relationship just yet regardless of what
05:34has gone on
05:35I know that Nicole and I still have to talk
05:38Do you think this is a goodbye?
05:40I don't know it might be a see you later. I I don't know
05:46Do you have any last words because
05:48No, it's tripping me up a lot
05:51Everything you're saying it just feels really distant all of a sudden
05:55You said I hope you have a great life no matter what no matter what
06:01Put yourself in my shoes. I'm sure you have numerous times, but this is why I have this just feels
06:06really weird and different to me right now
06:08Because there's applied pressure. That's why
06:13I got to go back to chicago and say hey
06:16Are we done? Are we moving forward? What are we doing? And even if we move forward? It's gonna hurt
06:21like hell
06:23You're right
06:23So imagine your shitty relationship and I'll go home and I'll figure out how to get over it
06:30I've been with her for two and a half years. I'm not closing the door on her
06:33There's no way I'm doing it. Gotcha. It's not yet complete truth comes out
06:38I've already shared that with you. Not like that. You knew it was coming. You called it. Not like this
06:42I didn't know this was coming based on the way it felt
06:46He was saying this whole time that he had never felt so connected to someone else before in his life
06:51I thought it was something real, but feel like I was tricked in some way
06:57I'm glad that I was able to help you strengthen your relationship
07:02I just hope you didn't use me for that
07:04Use you? No, don't
07:06No, that's just what it feels like and I want to say that to you before I can't say anything
07:10to you
07:11Because it feels this conversation feels really weird. There's no way in hell I could forget about you
07:17You're a blessing. Stop it
07:22I didn't expect to open up and to connect to someone in this level, but if it was false it
07:28was false and I'll learn from it
07:31I'm sorry ladies. Unfortunately, it's time to go
07:37I'm sorry
07:38This is crazy. This is over. We thought this happened yesterday. Bye guys. Bye. Bye John
07:42Bye, Kayla. I'll see you, Sean. It's been a crazy journey, but I've really connected with the girls in the
07:48house
07:49I see them as like true friends after this whole experience
07:52Bye guys
07:54Thank you ladies
07:56God damn guys come with me. That's a bro. Let's take a minute
08:07I just have so many questions that are unanswered at this point ultimately i'm just i'm just anxious to hear
08:13what katie has to say
08:14Like first out of the story that was not easy was it?
08:18No, there's a reason we say goodbye to the girls you have connected with here in the villa
08:22Because it's impossible to get your head entirely clear when people that you have feelings for are around right
08:28However, next time I see you guys is going to be at your final bonfire
08:31Where you'll be reunited with the person you came to the island with
08:35I need you to really think about what you're going to say to your partner
08:39And also what you want your future to look like when you leave the island take the night to reflect
08:44on what you're going to say
08:45And I'll see you bonfire
08:46I have a very very difficult conversation to have with casey
08:49It's going to be the hardest thing i think i've ever done in my life but i know exactly what
08:54needs to be said
09:10Back home we're home yes finally so tell me about you guys what'd you guys do drink some wine
09:16Then we hit the hot tub and watch the sunset oh pretty cute and i got you guys all flowers
09:24You're so cute you guys all blossom and groove from this experience
09:28Oh my god
09:32It's so cute and these are like perfect yeah they're literally awesome i love them oh my gosh
09:36And obviously the best for last oh thanks
09:39justin has a genuine heart and i didn't really want to give anyone a chance with connecting
09:44And now that i have i just feel like we've built like such a strong bond cheers to making new
09:50friends
09:51And i will always remember all of the connections i made here
09:55cheers cheers i love you all hi guys oh wow sorry to drop in on you unannounced and unfortunately i'm
10:06here to tell you that
10:07gentlemen your journey is up it's time to leave the villa so i'm gonna give you a chance to say
10:14your goodbyes but
10:15i want to remind you that um for some of you that could be goodbye forever depending on how things
10:21shape out in the final bonfire so um i'll give you some time say your goodbyes and i'll come
10:26back in a few minutes and let you know when it's time to actually exit the villa okay
10:31all right well that sucks it's just such a tough time um all of us connected with each other so
10:37much
10:38and we care about each other so it's tough um i just want to tell you you're an amazing chick
10:42thank you and um you've been doing really well and uh you're in really good headspace
10:47and i want you to stay confident i'm scared and be strong i will be strong i promise and will
10:53you
10:53and i'll be there for you always thank you so you're a good one i'm not bad you're not bad
11:00i'm all right
11:00it's definitely an emotional goodbye like we're all kind of fighting back tears val has really
11:05helped me through this process he's an amazing guy and he'll always be close to me and a friend
11:11to you thank you okay now come and bring you in for a look thank you for everything you too
11:19thank
11:19you for you know i'm glad we spent last like day together me too it was really fun sick
11:26i feel like we just started to understand each other and like learn about each other and build like
11:32a a good connection it's sad to just to leave but you know how i feel i'm here to be
11:39your friend through
11:39everything yeah i appreciate that i love javen but i could maybe see myself with justin personality
11:46wise like justin and me are a little are more alike i feel i definitely feel like i was meant
11:52to be here
11:53and go through this because otherwise my life would have just been like in a stagnant place yeah exactly
12:01oh i don't want it to end i too i'm definitely gonna miss you you know that but um and
12:08i do think
12:09that we will see each other again yeah it's just a blessing that we met i didn't think meeting one
12:14person could like change this much inside of me like give me a whole new perspective so you did well
12:20i really appreciate tyler in my life he's helped me realize a lot of different things and i feel like
12:26we've opened up emotionally and physically hopefully tyler and i can stay in touch and build a deeper
12:31connection and a deeper friendship and who knows what that could lead to one day there was no one else
12:35in the house that i felt like i could open up to as much as i've opened up to you
12:38so it's sad that all
12:40of us have to say goodbye but i feel like i've learned so much i'm not gonna forget oh man
12:47i'm not really
12:48ready to go you know i'm so grateful that i met you here and you've changed my life for the
12:59better
13:05i care about johnny a lot we got really close and i just know that like things will never be
13:13like it
13:13is how it is how it is here you know you need to deal with your situation yeah and if
13:18you come
13:19out of this and you still want to be in that situation i won't hold that against you we're about
13:26to be entering into real life and things aren't easy there i'm just not ready to say goodbye to you
13:33it's gonna be hard i pray every day to meet somebody like katie and this is the last possible
13:39place i would expect to look for and find her but i opened up my mind and my heart to
13:44a wonderful
13:45person a wonderful human being she's got a lot of heavy stuff on her plate right now but i think
13:50once the the dust clears uh her and i will be able to reconnect bye guys bye bye bye it's
13:57been a pleasure
13:58thank you johnny this experience has been a lot more real than i ever intended it to be or expected
14:04it to
14:04be and never thought that i would come here and actually develop feelings for somebody god
14:11bye girls bye love you guys katie don't cry possibility of a closed chapter um just you know
14:21entering into the unknown is always scary i hated breaking up that vibe that was in here i'm sorry
14:27about that but it was time and i wanted to chat with you for a moment so that you could
14:32be prepared for
14:32what's coming okay the next time i see you will be at your final bonfire and that's where you're going
14:40to see the person you came to this island with this is a time that's really important for you to
14:47reflect
14:48on your entire experience and face the ultimate question in that answer which is are you with the
14:55partner you should be with i want you to spend the time really composing what it is you will need
15:01to
15:01to like write it out half of me is just like done and wants to go home and get evan
15:06out of my
15:07apartment and just start over but this is someone that i thought is like my best friend love of my
15:14life how do you walk away from that i've i literally grew up with him yeah and i can't just
15:22be like
15:24you know my world is going to be rocked no matter which way like it's going to be rocked you
15:31know
15:31like i have to go home to him so it's like yeah no you're i don't know what our future
15:35holds it's not
15:37looking good but we have some major major to talk about and we have to figure our life out whether
15:45it's
15:45together or very much apart
16:02this is the hardest thing i've had to deal with we came here hoping that this experience would make us
16:08stronger standing in front of you are 24 single men and women all here for one reason that's to
16:15find love i came in here strong and i thought nicole and i we'd go home stronger i don't want
16:21like
16:21something crazy to happen to like amplify our problems i didn't expect to be tempted at all you
16:28know i thought it was going to be smooth sailing for me and i had nothing to worry about when
16:33i look at
16:34you i feel like really silly and like smile and kind of giddy and yeah vulnerable i guess brittany
16:44literally came out of nowhere sweet dreams um almost want to let you do what you said but i don't
16:50think
16:50it's gonna be a good idea good night i kept nicole in my mind this entire time but where my
16:58weakness came
16:59was when i saw nicole get in bed with someone else that's where i became weak and let my guard
17:10down and
17:10let loose a little bit you troublemaker brittany kind of just captured my mind and we slept together
17:19i don't feel proud of it but i know that i have to have a conversation with nicole
17:25being honest and truthful with each other about our whole experience that's the true test
17:30i still love her but whether we leave this island together i don't know
17:41i came to this island because i wanted answers to my relationship hi carl welcome glad to have you
17:48here nicole nicole how you feeling i'm nervous good in the beginning of this journey i felt like i was
17:54very timid and carl didn't have a lot of faith in my loyalty coming into this situation my boyfriend
18:00is worried that i'm going to do something because i'm younger than him and he doesn't i feel like
18:05have trust in me i didn't like having to come here to prove myself to someone i didn't feel like
18:09i
18:09needed to do that so even if things might get rough on this island once it's all over i just
18:14hope that
18:14you're smiling aww since i've been here i have really just let my guard down and like opened up to
18:20these guys and it's really allowed me to be vulnerable if you're not being treated the way
18:24you deserve to be treated don't make excuses for the reason you're not being treated those ways
18:33tyler has really opened up my mind to what a real relationship could be we've made an emotional
18:38connection that is deeper than i thought it could be wake up wake up i have realized what is going
18:47to
18:47make me happy in life and it's ultimately up to me to allow the next decision whether that's
18:55continuing in my relationship or continuing a different route
19:11katie and i came into this experience expecting to really test our loyalty to each other we were
19:17looking at rings before we came on to temptation island love you be closer after all this that's right
19:24and so from the very beginning i had walls up you're still definitely my biggest attraction for
19:30sure but the only way you would have something with me is if she messed up i wanted to show
19:37my loyalty
19:38to katie which i proved up until the fourth bonfire video and she's in bed with another man
19:56that's when i had to make that decision am i going to just grieve and be miserable the rest of
20:01this
20:01experience obviously i'm attracted to you what is it after every storm there's a rainbow
20:10or am i going to open up myself to getting to know katherine and on an emotional and physical level
20:17tonight i see katie for our final bonfire i'm ready to hear her side of the story
20:22i really don't know if this is going to be the end of katie and i's relationship it's going to
20:26be
20:26really hard to recover from this but i'm just looking forward to closure there's no doubt in my
20:39mind that coming to temptation island was the right move for john and i's relationship hi how are you i'm
20:45katie hi katie and i've come into this experience with an open heart and an open mind we have one
20:49life to live i don't want to waste it on the wrong person you don't either you know if we
20:53were meant to
20:53be then it'll drive me closer to him and drive us closer together i just want to hurt you buddy
20:58i
20:58understand that like do you know how badly i want to kiss you and i might leave here regretting not
21:05trying i've allowed the process to take over and do what it was supposed to do yes good job johnny
21:11possesses the leadership quality about him that john doesn't johnny makes me feel really special i feel
21:20like i pray for someone like you every day that doesn't mean i don't love john
21:27i'm really feeling guilty and bad and sad he broke down to our crying in this video
21:32i feel really guilty and i'm really selfish
21:42i feel like i let him down like i let myself down when i see john
21:48it is going to be extremely emotional and difficult
22:06look what i've done broke down
22:16going into this bonfire i feel like my mind is pretty made up i just feel deep inside that i'm
22:22not supposed to be with carl i think it's going to be difficult to say that to him but it's
22:28what
22:28should happen and it's what my gut is telling me took me by surprise took me by the hand
22:35taught me to fly i forgot how to land i haven't seen nicole in i don't know how long i've
22:45seen a lot
22:45of things that have hurt me and upset me but i'm sure nicole has seen some things that she didn't
22:50necessarily like that i did either despite of everything that's happened i still love her
22:56i just need to know if she still loves me too
23:18hey carl how you doing bud
23:27you're okay yeah last time i saw you i told you they'd really reflect and get your thoughts
23:32together were you able to do that definitely are you a little nervous
23:36a little bit uh ready to just have a conversation with her okay i'll bring her in right now
23:41okay
23:54hi nicole hi
24:02all right
24:02all right guys this is it this is your final bonfire and this is a chance for one of you
24:16to speak
24:17and have the other one listen and then we'll talk about what you've decided
24:21all right paul i'm gonna let you speak first floor is yours
24:29hello um
24:34this has been a crazy experience for both of us i'm sure um we both came into this hoping that
24:41this will
24:42make us stronger and give us some clarity on just what we're doing and where we're going a major thing
24:47that we're trying to work on is trust and you hope that i can trust you more during the bonfire
24:54i saw
24:54you get into bed with somebody else
24:59and being intimate with them and seeing them touch you the way i touch you it hurt me a lot
25:04and after seeing that i thought it was only right for me to open up at that point
25:12um but then i did make a connection with britney and then it went too far i broke our rules
25:20that we
25:21discussed i'm sorry for that i don't know what it's gonna look like going forward with you
25:28um i hope that we can figure something out but i'm not sure what that's gonna look like
25:38nicole i know it's tough to just listen and not speak there's a reason we do it this way
25:43now it's your time to speak and be heard carl all you can do is listen you ready nicole
26:00i was very confused at why we came here and i really did want to prove my loyalty to you
26:09because
26:09i know that that's an aspect that you questioned in our relationship i was definitely very confused
26:14in the beginning but at that point i realized that all the couples were here for a reason
26:18so i really wanted to figure out what our purpose was i finally was able to start reflecting on our
26:24relationship and by being here and being away from you for this amount of time it really allowed me
26:28to like open up my heart and it just showed me that i had a wall up and i wasn't
26:35allowing myself to
26:36dig deep and really allow myself to be affectionate and i feel as though our love is very surface level
26:42and i feel like we haven't been able to build a deep passionate connection with one another and i feel
26:49as though that's because we're pushing some of our issues under the rug if we choose to move forward
26:55together we would have to be really strong and want to learn and grow for both of us to be
26:59happy
27:02thank you nicole i saw you both listening intently hearing with new ears to a voice you may not have
27:09heard before so carl now it's time to make a decision to stay together with nicole
27:17to leave this island alone or is it to leave this island with someone else
27:25you can tell nicole
27:33regardless of the clips i've seen i still think that there's something there
27:39um and i'm standing here and i'm saying yes i still choose
27:46nicole you hear carl's decision that he wants to stay with you and work this out now is your chance
27:52to answer the same question do you want to stay with carl or will you be leaving the island alone
27:59or will you leave the island with someone else that you've connected with it's for you to tell carl
28:04yeah
28:05so
28:29Nicole, you hear Carl's decision.
28:31Now is your chance to answer the same question.
28:33Do you want to stay with Carl
28:36or will you be leaving the island alone
28:39or will you leave the island with someone else
28:41that you've connected with?
28:42It's for you to tell Carl.
28:58I want to go home together and figure it out.
29:01So you've decided you and Carl
29:04will stay together as a couple.
29:08Yeah, I...
29:09I do want to go home and figure it out.
29:13Okay.
29:16Nothing would make me happier
29:17than to send you guys home
29:19knowing that you guys have learned things
29:21about each other
29:21and have made room for each other to grow together.
29:24Your words both say you want to be together,
29:27but you haven't seen each other for a month.
29:29You didn't even shake hands.
29:30What's going on?
29:31What's really going on here?
29:33I mean, you want to stay together.
29:34I want you to stay together.
29:38What's...what's the awkward thing here?
29:40Yeah, I'll speak.
29:41I mean, first off, I think it's weird
29:45that we haven't seen each other.
29:46I feel your body energy is a little off.
29:49There's a lot of stuff that's gone on,
29:51and it has been a long time, but...
29:54So what have I done
29:56that doesn't bring depth to our relationship?
29:58This is two and a half years.
30:00You gotta...you gotta gain depth.
30:02You gotta gain trust,
30:04respect, loyalty, all those things.
30:07That's...that's called a foundation
30:08before you can get those things.
30:10That's depth.
30:13So that's where I'm at.
30:14I'm trying to figure that part out.
30:16I feel like when I say I want to
30:18apply what I've learned here
30:20to every relationship in my life,
30:21I'm, like, speaking in terms of
30:23my significant other,
30:24whether it's you or whoever I marry one day.
30:27Like, I just want to bring
30:28a new level of depth of me,
30:30and I think I was holding myself back at home.
30:33I think I had a wall up.
30:35I felt too nervous and scared
30:39to be vulnerable with you
30:40because I felt like I was going to be judged.
30:44And being here has, like, shown me
30:47that it's okay to be social and outgoing
30:51and be connecting with, like, men.
30:54And I just feel like I was scared back home
30:57because you don't have trust in me.
30:59You feel like I'm not loyal.
31:00And it creates this weight on my shoulders.
31:03That I'm nervous because of
31:05the way that you'll react.
31:06I feel like as you should
31:08have a weight on your shoulder.
31:09I feel like any woman should know,
31:10hey, you know, my guy's in the room.
31:12I want respect.
31:13Not for my woman to float around a bar
31:15and seem as if she's single.
31:17You know, it sounds like,
31:19what do you really want?
31:19Do you want to be back out here single?
31:22Do you want a boyfriend that cares about you?
31:24No, I want to be in a relationship
31:26where I'm building a deep
31:28connection with somebody.
31:31If this isn't deep,
31:32then I don't know what to tell you.
31:34I don't at all.
31:36I-I left my job.
31:39I left my family,
31:41moved with you for your career.
31:43Don't get me wrong.
31:45And I didn't want you to not do that.
31:49What-how deep does it-how deep do you want it?
31:51I don't understand.
31:52So the loyalty and trust thing
31:53has been from the beginning.
31:55Exactly.
31:55So let's fix that.
31:56Let's not...
31:58But I feel like I've been having to try
32:00to prove myself for so long.
32:01And yes, we've been on this island
32:02and crazy shit has happened,
32:03but we've been in a scenario
32:04that would never be real in the real world.
32:07Which brings me back to one of the clips.
32:09You're bawling your eyes on
32:10and the guy's telling you,
32:11how long do you have to prove yourself?
32:13And here we are.
32:14The next clip I have to see is
32:16you in bed with the same guy.
32:19You know that that's the last thing
32:21I need to see
32:21for how I already feel.
32:25But regardless of what happened,
32:27I can still say that I love you.
32:29If you don't feel that way,
32:30then we'll figure that out.
32:42Just talk to me.
32:46I apologize that I couldn't be straightforward.
32:48The first time around,
32:49I just feel like I've developed
32:51so much strength since I've been here
32:53and I've been mentally preparing
32:55for time on my own.
32:56Mm-hmm.
32:57And I feel like I want to learn
32:59and grow and develop in myself,
33:01and I know you understand that.
33:02And I don't know if I would be able
33:04to do it at the same capability
33:05if we were in a relationship.
33:09So you've come to the decision
33:11that you'd like to leave the island alone?
33:14Yes.
33:16Okay.
33:17Carl?
33:18Well, I have no choice
33:20but to leave the island alone
33:21at this point.
33:22I understand where you're coming from.
33:24It's hurtful, but know that I understand,
33:27and we both decided to come here
33:30and, you know, gain something from this.
33:32And if this is for the better,
33:34then I want nothing more
33:36for you to explore yourself
33:37and figure out what it is
33:39you need to figure out.
33:41I hope you get what you mean.
33:45Truly.
33:47Okay, you guys.
33:49Nicole,
33:51your journey is over.
33:53You can head on off the island.
33:59Can I still hug him?
34:00Of course you can.
34:02Of course you can.
34:05I don't know what we came for.
34:10It's okay.
34:11I don't know what we found.
34:17I don't recognize us.
34:23Anything around us.
34:24I appreciate what you said to her.
34:27And I agree with you,
34:28it's better now than later.
34:31Watching Nicole walk away is painful.
34:34Nicole and I constantly talk about growth
34:36and building each other up in our relationship.
34:38So if this is what she needs
34:40to take this time to herself,
34:42then that's what she should do.
34:43Should we move on?
34:49Should we move on?
34:55Until it's gone.
34:56So no regrets?
34:57No regrets.
34:59I just walked away from somebody that loves me.
35:06A lot of people here have made me realize
35:09that I'm a strong woman
35:13and everything's going to be okay.
35:15I just...
35:18I didn't think it would be hard
35:21to, uh, break someone's heart
35:25that said they still love me.
35:26Should we move on?
35:32Until it's gone.
35:54I am, uh, pretty upset and angry with Katie.
35:59I've seen Katie's true colors come out.
36:01I'm ready to confront her
36:02and defend myself as a man
36:04and being a good father
36:06and, um, ask her why
36:07she decided to let a man get in her bed.
36:11But maybe it was all a lie
36:15You and I
36:18I'm really nervous to see John.
36:20I just, I love John so much.
36:22I know that, um,
36:24I have hurt him throughout this experience
36:26and just having to face him
36:29face to face for the first time
36:30is just gonna crush me.
36:34And I don't think I wanna try
36:37to decide
36:39to decide
36:41it's true
36:41Hi, Katie.
36:43Hi.
36:44You ready?
36:46Ready as I'm gonna be.
36:52Welcome to your final bonfire.
36:54How are you feeling right now?
36:56Um, I'm feeling really nervous, um, and also
37:01a little, honestly, like, kind of excited to see him.
37:04Let him know kind of where my head's at
37:06and what I've discovered.
37:08Okay, I'm gonna call him in.
37:09You guys will have a chance to speak to one another.
37:12Are you ready?
37:13Yeah.
37:14Okay, let's bring John in right now.
37:16Okay.
37:24Hey, John.
37:25Hey, Mark.
37:26How are you, buddy?
37:26Good. How are you doing?
37:35Hey, Markie.
37:37Hi, guys.
37:39Hey.
37:39Hey.
37:40This is your final bonfire.
37:42It's a chance for you to share your experience,
37:45what you've learned about yourself,
37:46what you've learned in general,
37:47and how you're feeling.
37:49Okay.
37:50Let me be very clear.
37:51Each of you will get a chance to speak
37:52without being interrupted.
37:53The other will listen.
37:55After both of you had a chance to speak,
37:57then I will ask you what you've concluded.
37:59Okay.
38:00So now, Katie, I'm gonna let you speak first.
38:03Then it's your chance to share
38:05what your experience has been,
38:07what you've learned about yourself,
38:08and how you're feeling now.
38:10You ready?
38:11Yes.
38:11Okay.
38:12Your chance to listen, John.
38:16So, um, first of all,
38:18it's really good to see you.
38:20I've missed you a lot.
38:23Um, and...
38:25you know, you're my best friend,
38:28and, uh, we came into this really strong.
38:31I have taken this time apart
38:36to really kind of self-reflect and dig deep.
38:39I've just realized that, you know,
38:42like, you're such an amazing man.
38:44I was always trying to change you,
38:45and you're perfect just the way you are.
38:48Obviously, our lives are so, like, intertwined
38:51and intermingled, and I love our life together.
38:53But I think that this experience
38:55has been a necessary evil.
38:58You know, it's been something that was really good,
39:00and I don't necessarily regret it,
39:02and I think that everything happens for a reason.
39:07Okay.
39:09John, the floor will be yours.
39:13So, um, honestly,
39:16this has been the toughest thing I've ever gone through,
39:19and, um, I felt like we were so close coming into this,
39:24and, um, one of the first bonfire videos I saw was...
39:29was he questioning about me being a man and a father,
39:32and you've said that to me before,
39:34but that's something that I really thought about.
39:36You know, I know I got issues,
39:37but as far as being a good man,
39:39I've loved, protected, and supported you through a lot.
39:45And, um, as far as being a good father,
39:49you've seen how I interact with my nieces
39:52and, uh, and how I am around your friends' babies.
40:01And then, moving forward,
40:02my mission was to show you that I was a little guy.
40:06And I was up until I saw you get in bed
40:09with, I think his name's Johnny.
40:13And that destroyed me.
40:14It was embarrassing to-to see that.
40:18Then, the next day,
40:19I was the only guy that didn't get a video message.
40:22And that just...distored me even more.
40:24And, um, I didn't know what to do.
40:29And...I was in a tough spot.
40:31I told myself I can either just have this aching heart,
40:35or I could open up and get a connection with Catherine.
40:39You know, Catherine was after me from day one,
40:42and it took me a while,
40:44and then finally, when all that happened,
40:46I just opened up,
40:47and I had a physical and emotional connection with her.
40:53You know, we-we looked at wedding-wedding rings,
40:56and we talked about marriage.
40:58And...
40:59taking a huge step back, obviously.
41:03And...I do love you,
41:04but I want a woman that's gonna build me up,
41:06not tear me down.
41:08Um, and that's kinda what I've been taken from you
41:10since we first started dating.
41:11And, uh...that's basically all I have to say.
41:17All right, John, thank you.
41:22Um...I think that you're an amazing, amazing man.
41:25Um, you-you're so sweet, and you're so kind,
41:27and you're so funny.
41:29But, for me, I just can't see myself,
41:33you know, um...
41:38having children with you,
41:40and it's not that you're not great with children.
41:41It's just the type of man that I want for my household,
41:45and the type of man that I want to-to lead my children.
41:52I don't feel like, um...
41:56Like, uh...
41:58Um...
42:00You know, sometimes I-I feel like
42:01I have to, like, kind of baby you a little.
42:03I kind of have to mother you a little,
42:04and I feel like I have to kind of maybe
42:06pull ambition out of you a little.
42:09Um...
42:10You make me not want to have kids.
42:18I work as a kid.
42:18But, you know, one of my friends,
42:18I have to drive a kid.
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