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Bob's Burgers - Season 16 Episode 12 - Children of the Carn
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00:20Okay, we're off to our gig at the elegant, doily nursing home.
00:23Yes, our band has a gig.
00:24Yes, it's at the nursing home.
00:26And yes, it means we have arrived, baby!
00:29So exciting!
00:30Are you still called Busboy and the Cuskers?
00:32No, Bullboy and the Mashmasters.
00:34We play Potato Mashers.
00:36Uh, those are my Potato Mashers.
00:38Never mind.
00:39Yep, see, Grandma's turning 85, and I hope this crowd's mosh pit friendly,
00:43because the Mashmasters like to mosh.
00:45Good gosh, how we mosh.
00:47Okay, we go now.
00:48Bye-bye.
00:48Bye.
00:49Love you, bye.
00:50Bring my Potato Mashers back.
00:52Probably gonna throw them to the crowd like drumsticks, so no!
00:55Oh.
00:56Fitbeat is not conventional wisdom.
00:58This is a rhythmical kingdom.
00:59This is additional income.
01:01You take the Tax and Potato Mashers to freedom.
01:04Canoe solo.
01:05Thanks, Grandma's favorite instrument.
01:07Make it sink.
01:08Oh.
01:11Oh.
01:12Oh.
01:12Oh.
01:12Oh.
01:12Oh.
01:13Oh.
01:13Oh.
01:14Oh.
01:14Oh.
01:15Oh.
01:16Oh.
01:17I love you so freakin' much, Grandma!
01:19Mashmasters!
01:20Mashmasters!
01:21Well, guys, I think we made musical history today.
01:24We knocked their compression socks right off.
01:27Yeah, only a couple people napped during it.
01:29Hey, psst.
01:30Betsy's grandson.
01:31Oh, hey, uh, guy?
01:33Person?
01:33I'm Rusty.
01:34How would you and your friends like to make a quick hundred bucks?
01:37The answer's yes.
01:37Doesn't matter what you say next.
01:39Yeah, we'd love to make a hundred bucks, gentlemen we just met.
01:41Um, not sure about this.
01:43Ah, man!
01:44Me too.
01:45All right, come on.
01:45Let's go to my room.
01:47Also a perfectly fine thing to say.
01:48So we're all just gonna...
01:50Okay.
01:52What is it?
01:53It's an old prize from Wonder Wolf.
01:55Back when everyone hated kids?
01:57Yeah, well, it wasn't a popular prize.
01:59We named it Koolala, because he's trying to be cool, and he's a koala.
02:03Smells like worms.
02:05Okay, here's the deal.
02:05I need you kids to take Koolala and hide them from me.
02:09Hide it where?
02:10Trash can?
02:10I mean, trash can might be the right spot.
02:12Have you heard of Carniopolis?
02:15Carniopolis?
02:16It's where the Wonder Wolf Carnies live.
02:17So it's like how witches are from Wichita.
02:19Sure.
02:20I want you to hide this there.
02:22You want us to hide that in Carniopolis?
02:24A.K.A. Downton Stabby?
02:26Why?
02:26Well, I used to live in Carniopolis.
02:29Because of the low property taxes?
02:30No, because I used to be a Carnie.
02:32Oh.
02:33A long time ago.
02:34Me and some of the other Carnies used to hide this for each other to find.
02:38Like a fun little prank war thing.
02:40Well, now that's an adorable thing for Carnies to do.
02:43My gosh.
02:43It was.
02:44But then I got my money.
02:45My settlement from when the roller coaster fell on my head.
02:48Ouch.
02:49It was one of the softer parts, but...
02:51Yeah, I moved away and, well, I lost touch with those Carniopolis folks.
02:55And then just a few days ago, I was cleaning out some junk.
02:58And I found this little guy crammed into my humidifier.
03:03It's been hidden there for 10 years.
03:05That explains the smell.
03:06Finding this got me thinking.
03:08It'd be fun to start up our old prank war again, you know?
03:11So, I want you to hide this in Sonny's trailer in his kitchen cabinet.
03:15You got it.
03:16Ooh, that's crusty.
03:18Wait, you want us to go inside one of the Carnies trailers?
03:21Kind of sounds illegal and terrifying, but seems like no one else has a problem with it,
03:25so that's cool.
03:26Cool, cool, cool.
03:27Uh, how do we know which one is Sonny's trailer?
03:29It's red, white, and yellow, and it's by the cigarette garden.
03:31You can grow those?
03:33Eh, it's just a big ashtray.
03:34Anyway, I want photographic evidence that you did the job, or else no dough.
03:38I can use my phone to make a video.
03:41Hot damn!
03:42Look at J.J.
03:43Securing that means of production.
03:44Get out!
03:45Get out!
03:45Get out!
03:46Ow!
03:46Hey!
03:47Ow!
03:47My nipple!
03:48Hey, just make sure they don't see you.
03:50Because they'll murder us?
03:52Yes.
03:52Wait, really?
03:53I'm kidding.
03:54Because if it'll ruin the prank war, you'll probably be fine.
03:57Okay.
03:57Great, love you.
03:58Bye!
03:59Yeah, yeah, yeah.
04:00Thanks, Linda.
04:01Somehow, you always know when to refill my cup.
04:03Maybe it was the loud slurping and then you saying,
04:05Done!
04:06Quit spying on me, Mort!
04:07All right.
04:07I gotta hit the head.
04:09That okay, Bob?
04:09Bob, why are you asking me?
04:11I don't know.
04:12I wouldn't want you to wonder where I was.
04:13Get all worried.
04:14I would not.
04:16Hi!
04:17Have a seat anywhere.
04:18Here's a short story about the food we serve.
04:21Just kidding, it's a menu.
04:27Teddy, what are you...
04:31Shh!
04:32That's my therapist, Dr. Marjorie.
04:34That's Dr. Marjorie?
04:36Are you guys saying margarine?
04:38Quiet, Mort!
04:39Why do you have to hide from her, Teddy?
04:40You're never supposed to interact outside the therapist's office.
04:43It's about boundaries.
04:44I saw her at the pharmacy once, and now I go to one that's 20 miles away, and it's totally
04:48fine,
04:49even though they have some kind of problem with my insurance inside the park.
04:51So, you're just gonna hide back there until she leaves?
04:54No!
04:54I'm gonna combat crawl to the kitchen and then slip out the back door.
05:00Oh, my God.
05:03Seems pretty empty.
05:05Maybe they're all at Wonder Wharf and or their carny extracurriculars.
05:08Or at Macy's.
05:09They're always having a sale.
05:11There's a cigarette garden.
05:12This must be Sonny's trailer.
05:13Look at that cute little garden gnome, watching over his crops.
05:17Okay, Nick and Jimmy Jr., you're on lookout.
05:19You let us know if anyone's coming.
05:20We'll do a warning call.
05:22Jimmy Jr. does an amazing seagull, and I do a passable blue jay.
05:25It's, like, not quite passable, Zeke.
05:28Oh, well, we'll just do the seagull, and I'll work on my blue jay on my own time, I guess.
05:33Dang.
05:33Jimmy Jr., give us your phone.
05:35Okay, the code is $99.99, as in lift balloons.
05:39Double lift balloons.
05:40Okay, people, let's move.
05:45Oh, hello, Bible delivery.
05:48Get them while they're hot.
05:49Seems like no one's home.
05:50Unless he's in there, and he just doesn't need any more Bibles, because he's got so many.
05:54Only one way to find out.
05:56Also, I hope the door's not locked.
05:57Oh.
05:58It's a wholesome, trusting community.
06:01Okay, Tina, go ahead.
06:02Hide the koala.
06:03I'm gonna film.
06:04Oh.
06:08The store keeps popping open.
06:10Must be the same company that makes the zipper on Dad's pants.
06:13There.
06:14Ah, ah, ah, seagull, seagull.
06:17Oh, crap.
06:17Go, go, go, go.
06:21Oh, quick, under the trailer.
06:24Why are you here?
06:25You're the lookouts.
06:26They came in from behind us.
06:27Yeah, we're lookouts.
06:28Not look everywhere and all arounds.
06:31Freaking A, guys.
06:32Look what just fell out of my cupboard.
06:34Okay, he found that pretty fast.
06:36Yeah, no one wanted to listen to my cupboard concerns.
06:38I thought you were just having pantry panic.
06:40Guys, it's fine.
06:41It's an all-in-good-fun prank war.
06:43If anything, they'll be downright delighted.
06:45Rusty!
06:46Show yourself, you good-for-nothing, little life bastard!
06:49Ooh, I'm so mad right now, I want to shiv something!
06:53Why don't they sound more delighted?
06:54Oh, my God, we're all gonna get shivved.
06:56It's gonna be a real shiv show.
07:00Rusty!
07:00Hey, show yourself so I can hurt you with violence!
07:03Oh, I have all these emotions, and I don't know what to do with them!
07:06It's good you put words to your feelings, Sonny.
07:09Thank you!
07:09Seeing that thing, knowing that Rusty hid it here,
07:12makes me want to rip the beating heart out of something.
07:16Anything!
07:17Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God, oh, God.
07:18What if we try to sneak by this fun beer bottle collection?
07:22Gee, no.
07:24Hey!
07:25Someone under there?
07:26Nope.
07:27Carry on.
07:28Ah-ha!
07:29Tiny people!
07:30Wait, this isn't the library.
07:32Ha-ha-ha-ha!
07:33Now, we're gonna have a little chat.
07:35You know, we're actually, um, friends with one of your compatriots.
07:38Mickey?
07:39Is he here?
07:39Mickey!
07:40Nope.
07:41Yeah, yeah, he's doing the being in jail thing that he sometimes does.
07:45Crap.
07:45Damn it.
07:45Nutsis.
07:46So what?
07:46You work for Rusty?
07:48What are you, his little oompa loompas?
07:50Flattered.
07:50We barely know him, okay?
07:51We only did this because he paid us.
07:53And we only let him pay us because we like receiving money.
07:56Why are you so mad at him, anyway?
07:58For your information, we used to be friends.
08:00Best friends.
08:01We called ourselves the Karn Dog.
08:03Because we would eat the leftover Karn Dogs after the wharf closed for the night.
08:07That's not sad.
08:08We even made Karn Dog tank tops.
08:10Oh, I just got a Karn.
08:13So yeah, then we got into hiding that freaky koala back and forth.
08:16But then Rusty got his settlement, and he became like a different person.
08:20All of a sudden, it's, I want to eat Karn Dogs that aren't old.
08:24I want to use soap.
08:26I've got a humidifier now.
08:28That son of a bitch.
08:29And then he moved out to some fancy apartment with a little room that's just for clothes.
08:33I think it's called a clothes set.
08:36But the kicker was, about 10 years ago, I had a heart attack.
08:39And that punk never once visited me in the hospital.
08:42He didn't even send me a tiny balloon or a nice greeting card to play music.
08:46Well, clearly we are on the wrong side.
08:49Thank you for straightening that all out.
08:51And now we're going to scoot and let you enjoy the rest of your day.
08:55Whoa, I'm getting an idea.
08:56Karn Dogs!
08:57No, later.
08:58You kids are going to do something for us.
09:02What's she doing now?
09:03She just got her food.
09:05Why don't you just leave?
09:06That was your plan, remember?
09:07I know, but then I was curious about what she was going to order.
09:10Now what's she doing?
09:10I don't know, Teddy. Probably eating her...
09:13Oh.
09:14Oh.
09:14What? What's happening?
09:16She's kind of taking the whole burger apart and laying it out weirdly on the plate.
09:21What?
09:21Now she's sticking her fork in the patty and picking it up.
09:25Like a lollipop?
09:26She's turning the fork and eating around the edges.
09:29What the...
09:29My derp is eating like a toddler?
09:31Like a strange toddler.
09:33What the hell? What the hell? What the hell?
09:35You guys want us to go back to the nursing home and hide Kuala in Rusty's room?
09:40What, like prank him back?
09:41No, no, no. Prank wars are for friends only.
09:44This is to send him a message that we're done with him forever.
09:47He's dead to us.
09:49You mean...
09:50Spaghetti?
09:51Yeah. We cold spaghetti him.
09:53Oh, boy.
09:55Cold spaghetti him?
09:57When a carny has broken all trust, when he or she has sunk so low that they're not worthy of
10:02your violent wrath, they get the spaghetti.
10:05Why spaghetti?
10:07I don't understand the question.
10:08Okay, never mind. But maybe instead you could just talk to each other?
10:12Tina, there's no talking in a cold spaghetti situation.
10:14Look, we want to do this for you.
10:16But, um, what if we offered you the opportunity to pay us to do it?
10:21Unless that makes you mad.
10:22What about a roll of Wonder Wharf tickets that we totally are allowed to take home and have?
10:27Yeah!
10:28Oh, hell yeah!
10:29Now let's make some spaghetti and put it in a koala.
10:32How many times do you think the Barefoot Contessa has said that?
10:35Man, we're like double agents. Working both sides. Trying not to lose ourselves. Conflicted.
10:42Yeah!
10:43How the hell are we supposed to get Rusty out of his room?
10:45Oh, there he is.
10:46Pudding Social.
10:47Boy, birthday cake and pudding in one day? These old people are gonna be bouncing off the walls!
10:51Okay, here's the plan. We'll show Rusty the video, get our hundred bucks, and you guys distract him while Jimmy
10:56and I take Jimmy Jr.'s phone and go film ourselves hiding the koala in his room.
11:00Maybe I'll ask him if stuff is different now than how it used to be.
11:03I'd be curious about that!
11:05And there's me putting the koala very successfully into the cupboard.
11:10The cupboard door keeps opening.
11:11No, it just looks like that.
11:12Okay, great. Well, service is rendered. If you want to just pay my sister here.
11:16Ooh, this pudding is going right through me. Gene, too, probably. Let's go find the bathroom, huh, buddy?
11:21Uh, yep. Like I say, you don't buy nursing home pudding. You just rent it.
11:25So, Rusty, you want to get out your wallet? Or a sack with a dollar sign on it? I'm not
11:30sure how people your age carry money around.
11:32Oh, I have my wallet in my room. Should we go get it?
11:35No! I mean, it's just, uh...
11:37It's just we're all having such a good time at the pudding social.
11:40That's pudding it, Miles Lee.
11:42Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
11:45Yeah, that's funny. Okay, you kids stay here and I'll go get my wallet and come back.
11:49Oh, uh...
11:50Wait, Rusty, I read a song about you. Here it goes.
11:56I sure do love that sound.
11:59Thanks, Grandma.
12:00Damn it.
12:01Here comes Rusty to get his wallet because it's in his room.
12:04Just, uh, shouting that out because it's fun.
12:06What are you guys doing?
12:08Well, uh, we were on our way to the bathroom and then we were like,
12:12Pfft, life's too short, you know?
12:14And we've been partying in here ever since.
12:17Whoa, whoa, hey, where are you... where are you... go...
12:19Oh, my goodness. Another weird koala?
12:23How did that get there?
12:24They had you do this? I can't believe it.
12:28I've been cold-spaghetti'd.
12:29Better than being paparadeli'd?
12:33They cold-spaghetti'd me.
12:35The sons of bitches cold-spaghetti'd me.
12:38Yeah. Um, so...
12:40Is this a good time to ask again about that money?
12:43Yeah.
12:44Judging by your sad face and your long, weird side,
12:48maybe we'll circle back?
12:50Mm-mm, mm-mm.
12:50You know, I'm just learning the inner workings of this beginning process,
12:53but it seems like you kind of deserved it.
12:56Okay, sure. The settlement money made me kind of snobby.
12:59I was buying all sorts of toiletries and I bragged about my humidifier quite a bit.
13:04Yeah, I guess they didn't like that.
13:05But also, Sonny said you didn't go visit him in the hospital after his heart attack.
13:09And you didn't send anything. Not even a jib-jab.
13:11I know, I know. I didn't go. Things had gotten weird. I didn't think they'd want me there.
13:16The rich guy with the clothes set...
13:18I think it's closet.
13:19What? But it's the thing you put your clothes in.
13:21Okay, yeah. But, Rusty, your BFF had an H attack and you did nothing?
13:26Well, I paid for his medical bills.
13:28Oh, really?
13:30Wow. Seems like something you should tell the guy.
13:32I'm just thinking out loud here.
13:33I mean, I was sort of hoping the hospital would call him and say,
13:36Congratulations, your humble, generous estranged buddy paid for all your stuff.
13:41And then I had my own health issues to deal with and, well, time passed.
13:45And you were hoping that starting up the prank war would get you guys to be friends again?
13:50Yeah, but I guess not. Maybe when I die, they'll finally miss me.
13:54Huh. Maybe that is what you have to do.
13:56What? Die?
13:57Make him think you died. You have a fake funeral.
14:00Huh?
14:00Yeah, the more I think about it, fake funeral's the only way.
14:03Well, I don't know about the only way.
14:05No, no, no. It's the only way.
14:06Oh.
14:07But the emotions pour out and the healing begin.
14:09And if the good feelings make everyone want to give us a hundred bucks and maybe some Wonder Wharf tickets,
14:15so be it.
14:15Rusty, you in?
14:17What the hell? What else am I doing?
14:19Well, looks like you have cataract surgery coming up later this month, so that's something.
14:23Mm-hmm.
14:25You want to have a fake funeral?
14:27Yeah.
14:28People always think a fake funeral is going to fix everything.
14:31And they're always right?
14:32Fine. I'll do it.
14:33You will?
14:33Yeah, it's a slow week, but just as long as he doesn't jump out at some point and say,
14:38I'm alive!
14:39That's my ground rule, okay?
14:40Yeah, all right.
14:41Okay.
14:41It reflects poorly on a mortuary. A business only gets so many of those before people start
14:47to lose trust. Now, do you have a picture of the gentleman?
14:49Yep.
14:51Oof. He's not dead?
14:54Maybe this guy would be a good therapist.
14:56Never mind. I don't like the way he's holding his pen. It's like he's already disappointed
15:00in me.
15:00And this lady's wearing, like, seven necklaces.
15:03This is hopeless.
15:04Teddy, I really don't think you need a new therapist.
15:07Hmm.
15:07Yeah, maybe I don't need a therapist at all.
15:09Well, I didn't say that.
15:10Plus, I have you guys.
15:11Hmm, I...
15:13I'm very busy.
15:15Have I told you about the sex stuff that I'm dealing with?
15:17No.
15:17Teddy, stop.
15:17No, stop.
15:19Hello. Hi. Thank you for coming. Let's see those sad funeral faces.
15:23Dad, you're already good.
15:25Yeah, you've got resting grieving face.
15:27Uh-huh. We'll help fill seats at your fake funeral for 30-minute stops, and then we need to
15:31go back and open the restaurant.
15:32Speaking of dead places...
15:33Jane.
15:34How dramatic do you want me to be?
15:35Something like...
15:36Why?
15:38Maybe turn that down to, like, a four?
15:40Why?
15:41Hmm, let's try 7.5.
15:42Why?
15:43There it is.
15:44That was good.
15:45Okay, come on. We've got to hide. The Carnies will be here any minute.
15:47They all wear watches, and they're always on time.
15:49So remember, you reach out to them in a few days and say,
15:52Oopsie, there's been a mix-up at the morgue. Wrong dead guy. These things happen.
15:57But isn't it great I'm still alive several days after my tasteful funeral? Sound good?
16:02You got it, Dr. Diff.
16:04And don't call me that.
16:05I can't believe we spaghetti Rusty, and now he's dead. Are we going to get in trouble? Are they going
16:10to dust those noodles for Prince?
16:12I don't know. Let's just try to be present in the moment.
16:15Damn it. I got a tick on my leg. I'll burn it off later. I can't get more Lyme disease.
16:22We're here today to honor the life of Rusty Perkins, carny, settlement beneficiary, and man about town.
16:29You'll notice there's no casket. That's because the body is still at the morgue, and that's a totally normal thing
16:36in this business.
16:37Mort's nailing it.
16:38So, our beloved Rusty has passed on. It's sad, really. Super sad. When you think about it, it gets sad.
16:46Hopefully, no one holds any resentment towards him that they now regret because he is just so, so dead.
16:52Let it go. At this point, I'd like to invite up anyone who wishes to say some words about their
16:59friend, Rusty.
17:01I'll say something.
17:02Oh, that worked?
17:03I mean, good.
17:06Rusty was a huge jerk who shoved his settlement money in all of our faces, and we all hated him
17:11for it.
17:12Okay.
17:13But before all that, he was a good friend. I'll never forget the stingy dude with cord dogs. He tapped
17:20the top like a microphone and say,
17:21Hey, is this thing on? I may have a tattoo that says, sucks to be you. But you know what
17:27really sucks? Losing a friend to this disease called death.
17:32Oh, that's beautiful.
17:34And I just wish more than anything that I could have had a chance to tell him that I...
17:38I'm alive!
17:40No, no, no!
17:41Hey, guys, I'm alive! Isn't that great?
17:43Oh, boy.
17:44Why?
17:47I can't believe you! I made myself all raw and vulnerable, and I find out you did a fake funeral?
17:53I take back all my tears.
17:55Goodbye forever, Rusty. Come on, guys.
17:57No, no, no!
17:58But wait, you all came to the funeral. You must still care about him deep down. Also, hi, it's us
18:03from before.
18:04Nice to see you again.
18:05Look, yes, Rusty made you guys think he was dead. And yes, Rusty did the one thing he wasn't supposed
18:11to do, and jumped out and said, I'm alive. And yes, the whole fake funeral thing was Tina's idea.
18:16Wait, what?
18:16But, Sonny, Rusty paid for all your medical bills when you had the heart attack.
18:20What?
18:20Yeah.
18:21Wow. I just thought maybe our boss, Mr. Fish, showed us secretly gave us health benefits without telling us. Because
18:27he's shy.
18:28Are health benefits a thing? I just watch online tutorials about how to make medicine.
18:32I do all my own stitches. See?
18:35Well, uh, thanks.
18:37You're welcome.
18:38Now, can you guys just bury the hatchet? Or the shiv, if you will? Sorry. Um, and just be friends
18:43again?
18:44I don't know. We live in different worlds now. We're carnies, and you're just not anymore, you know?
18:51Hold on. Hold on. What does this tell you?
18:57You still have to tank top?
18:59Once a carny, always a carny.
19:02Oh, he still has the tank top, Bob.
19:04I don't understand the significance.
19:06Me neither, but it's nice.
19:08Jeez, Rusty. Bring it in.
19:12I want to do hogging.
19:13Groove, grove!
19:16This is exactly how I want my fake funeral to be.
19:19Hmm. What might be better?
19:20I want the new Pope from Conclave to be there.
19:23Good for them, finding their way back to each other.
19:26What was I thinking? I can't fire Dr. Marjorie?
19:29She's my guard dog.
19:31So what if she's like a total freak?
19:32She's the closest person in my life that I pay a body to talk to.
19:36I mean...
19:37What?
19:38Nothing.
19:39It's nice that I feel such a burning hatred for you anymore, Rusty.
19:43What the...
19:44Well done. Game on.
19:47Wow. Look at him. Friends again.
19:49We did this. Out of the goodness of our hearts.
19:52I don't even care that we didn't get any money or tickets.
19:54Really?
19:55No, I still care very much.
19:56Oh.
19:56Hey, who wants burgers at that sad restaurant next door?
19:59We can talk about the day, possible exchange of money and or ride tickets.
20:03Come on, let's go get you some lunch.
20:04For free!
20:05Uh, not for free.
20:06Free of you, kiss the chef!
20:07No, Jane.
20:08I'm buying.
20:09I mean, we should be getting back to the wharf.
20:12A lot of people on unmanned rides right now.
20:14Probably not sick.
20:15Ah, they're fine.
20:17They're not trapped.
20:18They're just getting a longer experience.
20:20Ah, you're right.
20:20We also do real funerals.
20:22Tell your dead friends.
20:24This beat is not conventional wisdom.
20:26This is a rhythmical kingdom.
20:27This is additional income.
20:29We take that cat potato mattress of freedom.
20:32Kazoo solo.
20:33Take it, Zink.
20:34You got it!
20:35Eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh,
20:42eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh,
20:43eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, eeeh, e
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