- 29 minutes ago
American Dad! - Season 22 Episode 7 - Reaper Madness
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00:00Viewer discretion is advised.
00:36Is dinner ready yet?
00:38It has to be. I've been grating this Parmesan for an hour.
00:41You've started grating your fingers, Stan.
00:43Oh, yeah.
00:44I don't care. I'll eat finger meat. I'm just so hungry.
00:48Shut your yap, Jeffrey. I'm hangry enough to stab you.
00:54These expired three years ago. Salad's ruined.
00:57It's all riding on the lasagna.
01:00And lasagna's biggest question.
01:02Has it cooked all the way through?
01:06Just needs a little elbow grease.
01:16There's got to be a better way.
01:18Why are weeknight dinners so hard?
01:20We could've ate the top part.
01:22I just want my life back.
01:24You all aren't going to believe this,
01:26but there's a class at the Learning Annex tonight
01:28called Easy 15-Minute Weeknight Meals, colon, get your life back.
01:32My raggedy colon could use its life back.
01:35No, I mean the colon that's two dots.
01:37Two dots?
01:41What's up, dogs?
01:42What's up, dogs, is we're taking our lives back
01:45from the tyranny of weeknight dinners.
01:47Sick.
01:48I won't be doing that.
01:49I have a friend coming over.
01:52Can you all drop me off at my curiosities shop?
01:55Thanks for asking.
01:56My curiosities shop from when Steve and his friends were witches.
01:59Steve, you and your friends ever talk about being witches again?
02:02No.
02:03Did he just roll his eyes at me?
02:05Out of his witch phase and into his bitch phase.
02:08I can't believe you're going to miss out on this class
02:10just to hang out with some friend.
02:13Hey, Klaus.
02:13Danuta?
02:16Danuta.
02:17Klaus, no.
02:18That's why I said friend and not her name.
02:21Her name.
02:22Danuta, of course.
02:23That is the name.
02:24She owns it.
02:26What mischief are we getting into tonight?
02:29We're going to do hot girl stuff
02:30and burn letters to our exes.
02:32It's a full moon,
02:33so the perfect time to cleanse our souls.
02:35I'd love to watch you cleanse your soul, Danuta.
02:38Join us.
02:39No.
02:40Too late, I accept.
02:43Shouldn't we have stoves or ovens to cook on?
02:47Friends,
02:48are you tired of spending hours of your day cooking one meal?
02:52Do you want your time back?
02:54Do you want your life back?
02:56Yes.
02:57Well, put your hands together
02:59for the one and only
03:01Cricket LeMone!
03:05There's a reason I start this class
03:08at precisely 9.47 p.m.,
03:10because that's the time
03:12when we've all given up
03:13on whatever crackpot chef
03:16boingardee slop
03:18they've brainwashed you to make.
03:21Weeknight meals shouldn't take away your life.
03:23Oh, but it does, Cricket.
03:25It does.
03:26I know, my son.
03:29Don't sniff my hand.
03:31I'm gonna show you how to make
03:33delicious, nutritious, easy meals
03:37in only 15 minutes!
03:41We're going to get our lives back, Billy!
03:44Picture it.
03:45You're at home.
03:46It's 6.45 p.m.
03:48And by 7, you have...
03:50An osso buco with red bean cassoulet!
03:55Yeah!
03:56Yeah!
03:57Thank you, Cricket!
03:58But how did you make it?
04:00Easily.
04:01And in only 15 minutes!
04:04Yeah!
04:05Yeah!
04:06Yeah!
04:06Yeah!
04:06Yeah!
04:07Yeah!
04:07Yeah!
04:08Yeah!
04:09Yeah!
04:09Yeah!
04:11He's gonna take forever to scoot over here.
04:13Let's just start.
04:13Double driving cadence!
04:16Whoa!
04:16Whoa!
04:18Whoa!
04:19Whoa!
04:20Whoa!
04:21I can't stop!
04:22Catch me!
04:23What's cracking, babies?
04:25I'll start.
04:25This is from Bruce at the car wash.
04:28He broke my heart.
04:29And my side view mirror.
04:30And now I'm letting it go.
04:33This is from Nolan, my boyfriend of one day in eighth grade.
04:36He wrote, the only chemistry we have together is fifth period.
04:40My turn.
04:41These are letters from various catalog models.
04:44No.
04:45Runway model.
04:46No.
04:46Runway poker babes, whose hearts I completely wrecked.
04:53Uh, this is a cease and desist letter from Rue McClanahan.
04:57Didn't you play Blanche on Golden Girl?
04:59Golden Girls, you idiot!
05:01And her character gave mixed signals.
05:03Give that back.
05:08Can you leave us alone?
05:10Can you leave us alone?
05:10Danuta and I are vibing.
05:12No.
05:12We're having a girls' night and you're ruining it.
05:15Classic Klaus.
05:16You don't like me, do you, Hayley?
05:18I...
05:19love you.
05:19You're family.
05:20But you don't like me.
05:22You don't like me?
05:23You're only hanging out with me because Danuta is here.
05:25You're kind of a weasel.
05:27You always have an ulterior motive.
05:29That's not true.
05:30I wouldn't have joined if you'd asked me not to.
05:33I did ask you not to.
05:34Yeah, but I want Danuta to be my girlfriend,
05:36so I didn't consider how you felt.
05:38You understand.
05:39Y'all wanna hear a scary story?
05:40I don't have an active imagination.
05:42Is there a video game version of it?
05:44Come on!
05:45It'll stop you both from fighting,
05:46and I'll get to practice talking.
05:48I wanna be a talker to people someday.
05:50Oh, you'd be great at that!
05:52You do think so?
05:54It was a night just like this,
05:56when the shapeshifter demon who lives in the well
05:59made his first kill.
06:03Two lovers, Tommy and Miranda,
06:06were parked at make-out point.
06:08Hot.
06:09After making out for an hour.
06:11Hard.
06:11For like an hour.
06:12Just an hour?
06:13Probably in a rush to get to Pound Town, USA.
06:16Yeah, yeah!
06:17Quiet, please.
06:18They took a lover's stroll to the well nearby.
06:24Overcome with love, Tommy calls into the well.
06:27I love you, Miranda!
06:29It echoes back.
06:30I love you, Miranda!
06:32Miranda!
06:33Miranda!
06:33But when Miranda tries to profess her love for Tommy into the well,
06:37she can't.
06:38As if a dark spirit was squeezing her throat.
06:41When Miranda turns around,
06:44Tommy is gone.
06:49They search for him.
06:51But he was never found.
06:53Until, one night, Miranda wakes up to a tap, tap, tap on her window.
07:01When she looks outside, she sees Tommy.
07:04Tommy!
07:05He's back!
07:06He beckons her to the well,
07:08where he asks her to try and profess her love for him again.
07:12Miranda leans over the edge and cries,
07:15I love you, Tommy!
07:17As the well echoes back,
07:18Tommy!
07:19Tommy!
07:20Miranda sees the real Tommy at the bottom.
07:24Dead!
07:28Terrified, she slowly turns to the thing who brought her there.
07:33Tommy is mine.
07:36And now you're mine, too!
07:37No!
07:40Welcome to Euphoria!
07:42It's like euphoria, but with fear.
07:44You ain't dead, but you're scared to death,
07:46and it feels real good like fear.
07:49Oh, God.
07:50Oh, God!
07:52Come on, wake up!
07:54Don't get it twisted, this place ain't real.
07:57It's a representation of how fear can feel.
08:00Sometimes it feels scary,
08:02but sometimes it feels good.
08:03Don't you get the gist?
08:05I know you would!
08:15Holy crap!
08:16That was better than any high I've ever had.
08:18I was scared, but it felt amazing.
08:22I know this is crazy,
08:23but would you want to get scared with me again?
08:25Okay, but only if my boy Jurgen can come.
08:28No.
08:28Okay.
08:32They were dead when I found them!
08:33Oh, you're alive.
08:34Big time.
08:35But we need your scary story again
08:37and the way it made us feel.
08:43One-way ticket to Montenegro?
08:46Oh, no extradition from there.
08:48Because you thought you'd killed us.
08:51Smart girl!
08:52Give it to us, Dee.
08:53Give us the story again.
08:55I don't think I should.
08:56I thought you were dead before.
08:57Plus, Nerfer is sleeping,
08:59and she gets prickly if she wakes up to a whole scene.
09:01Give us the story,
09:02or I'll slap those pointy bangs off your gorgeous face.
09:06No!
09:07They accentuate her eyes!
09:08Slap the...
09:09Slap the...
09:10This is hard.
09:10Every part's perfect.
09:11Slap racism!
09:13Now tell the story before I lose my freaking cool!
09:15Okay.
09:16It was a night just like this.
09:21Here it comes!
09:23And now you're mine too!
09:25Where is it?
09:26Danuta told it wrong!
09:28Why did you tell it wrong?
09:29Maybe you didn't faint.
09:30Because you already know how the story goes.
09:33She's right.
09:33We need to find new things to scare us.
09:35Let's boogie, Klaus.
09:36My assistant Steve will be by later for my driving canes.
09:43Jonathan?
09:44Is that you?
09:45Time to die!
09:47That was it?
09:49That wasn't scary at all!
09:50Boo!
09:51Boo!
09:52You're being disruptive.
09:53I'm gonna have to ask you to leave.
09:54We're already leaving, nerd.
09:56This stinks.
09:57That snap thing you've been doing?
10:00That's cool, Klaus.
10:04Okay, this feels pretty spooky.
10:07I brought a spirit box.
10:08It allows ghosts to communicate with us.
10:11I don't know how it works,
10:12but it came with a free Hello Kitty keychain,
10:14so I was like, uh, sold.
10:17Kill.
10:19That's a good sign!
10:21Killer deals this weekend,
10:23only at Nana Pam's flower shop.
10:26Ugh!
10:27It's just picking up the radio.
10:31Ooh!
10:32It's not the radio, it's me!
10:35The deals are my unfinished business!
10:38Ooh!
10:42Rogu?
10:43You said you had something scary for us?
10:46Haunted tub!
10:48Cursed ranch!
10:50Really? This is cursed?
10:52Exercise demon by fix, Rogu tub!
10:56Okay, I think Rogu is just trying to get us to fix his bathtub.
10:59Wow.
11:01We trusted you, Rogu.
11:02Never trust a bad boy.
11:10It's 6.45.
11:12You haven't started dinner yet?
11:13We're starting now, because dinner is at 7pm,
11:16and this recipe only takes 15 minutes.
11:19I think that lady was a scammer.
11:21We never saw her cook anything!
11:22But we saw her do the splits!
11:24What more do you need?
11:25All right, the recipe says to start with the cassoulet.
11:28First ingredient, red beans.
11:30Boom!
11:31Soaked beans overnight.
11:34Overnight?
11:34A little misstep on our part.
11:36Let's pivot to the osso buco.
11:37Stevie, my boy, toss me the pearl onions and veal shanks.
11:40Yeah, there's no way we have that stuff.
11:42Should we use substitutes?
11:44Let's call Cricket Limon.
11:45She'll know what to do.
11:46Are you crazy?
11:48She's probably halfway to Montenegro by now!
11:50They don't have any extra division!
11:55You wanna get loud?
11:56You go to a J-Lo concert.
11:58You wanna get scared?
11:59You come to T. Lumpkin's Curiosity Shop.
12:01Bam!
12:02Gargoyle shoes.
12:03Never worn!
12:04That just makes me sad.
12:05Carnivorous pitcher plant covered in blood.
12:07How did it get covered in blood?
12:09I used it to clean a paper cut.
12:11That's not a scary story, Roger.
12:13It was for me.
12:14It stung, Hayley.
12:17That's Paige.
12:18She's the new part-timer.
12:20She's been drinking that iced coffee all day.
12:22It's been done for hours.
12:24Just keeps sucking the melting ice.
12:25You done with that coffee yet?
12:27And she laughs at everything.
12:29What's funny?
12:31Nothing.
12:33Is it a nervous tick?
12:34Am I part of some sick joke?
12:36I don't know, but I love her.
12:37Let's move on.
12:38Ooh, now this is scary.
12:40A skull.
12:41That's not scary.
12:42That's just something to put vodka in.
12:44Damn, I thought an empty skull would be a no-brainer.
12:48Groucho glasses worn by Stalin.
12:51Paige, do you want a new coffee?
12:54You're funny.
12:56This chick's insane.
12:57I'm obsessed with her.
13:04Roger, what's this?
13:06A map to the demon shapeshifter well at Old Makeout Point?
13:11A shapeshifter story is real?
13:14Yeah, it happened here in Langley Falls.
13:16They say if you call into the well and it echoes back, your soul's taken by the demon.
13:21Huh?
13:24Ow, baby!
13:25That's your ticket!
13:27The well is what you need!
13:30Ooh, sugar!
13:31It's time to risk it if you wanna keep seeing me!
13:37We have to go to the well!
13:39You broke the Groucho glasses.
13:40You have to buy them.
13:41Paige, ring them up.
13:42Okay!
13:45She's an icon.
13:50Hayley!
13:56I can feel it.
13:57We're going to have Euphoria again!
13:59One of us calls into the well, it echoes, and we get the greatest high of our lives!
14:05I'm freaking out. I can't do it.
14:06Yes, you can.
14:08Before we discovered Euphoria, we were basically two strangers, both trying to bang Danuta.
14:13What? I'm not trying to-
14:15Euphoria brought us together, and I'm not going to let you give up.
14:19We'll call into the well as a team.
14:23Okay, let's do it.
14:25One...
14:27Two...
14:27Three!
14:28I love you, Tommy!
14:29I can't do it!
14:30Klaus, you weasel!
14:31I love you, Tommy!
14:35Congratulations, you're back for more!
14:38You found the key to you getting scared, you're addicted to fear, ain't nothin' wrong with that!
14:43But the moment will end, when I put on this hat!
14:48Coolest hat in the world!
14:50Haley?
14:52The shapeshifter got her! Oh no!
14:56Even cooler hat!
15:00You said dinner would be ready in 15 minutes?
15:03Like 115 minutes ago!
15:06We had to drive an hour and a half out of town to find fresh veal.
15:09It was very fresh.
15:11Yeah, it was really a bummer.
15:14Francine, will you do me the honor of having the first taste? I'm too close to it.
15:18Mmm!
15:20The beans are still hard.
15:22Impossible!
15:22Maybe you're too tired to taste.
15:24Steve?
15:27It said to soak them!
15:29It said it!
15:30That crunch doesn't mean anything.
15:32Steve's always had weak teeth.
15:34I have delicate enamel.
15:36Yes, rest my little sous chefs.
15:38I'll wake you up when it's ready.
15:40I'd like to place an order for delivery.
15:42My babe's dad is trying to make a quick, easy meal.
15:46Pizzas famously take 30 minutes, and dinner will be ready in 15.
15:49I can't do it! I'm sorry!
15:52Stop! You'll ruin your appetite!
15:54I need food!
15:55Haley is a demon, and she wanted to yell in a well alone!
15:58Okay, bye!
15:59Klaus, you're just in time for dinner. Taste.
16:02The beans are hard.
16:03Also, Haley isn't Haley.
16:05She's a shapeshifter out in the woods.
16:06So if you see her, don't open the door, okay?
16:08I'm going to sleep in your bed because it feels safer.
16:12Haley.
16:13Yes.
16:14Haley should taste this.
16:19Everything gets better with a good night's sleep.
16:31Klaus, come to the well.
16:34Heads up.
16:36Screaming.
16:37Hearing a scary story is cool and all.
16:40The living it is way more far.
16:42You feel big and bad and eight feet tall.
16:45Look a sexy skeleton.
16:50that was scary and erotic
16:55i'm in the shapeshifter's hand
16:59bikini season
17:01real hayley's missing out
17:08we're back at the well
17:12oh shapeshifter
17:13i'm not even scared of you anymore
17:15the thrill of euphoria is gone
17:17it's just not the same without hayley
17:20the high has been replaced with a shame
17:22filled low
17:23that never happens with other drugs
17:29call into the well
17:32oh yes time for you to take my soul i suppose
17:36hayley was right
17:37i am a weasel
17:38not only did i back out of calling into the well at the last minute after promising her i'd be
17:43by her side
17:44i literally left her side
17:46and ran home
17:47bravely sleeping in my own bed
17:50say the words into the well
17:54or are you too chicken
17:56buck buck
17:58i'm not chicken
17:59if i'm going to do this
18:01there's one thing i want to say
18:03that i should have said to the real hayley when she was here
18:07i do like you hayley as a friend
18:10i do like you hayley as a friend
18:13hayley's mine and now you're my child
18:15whoo
18:17terrified
18:19you're flying high
18:21like making love to a pretty lady
18:24and she doesn't get pregnant with a baby
18:27oh
18:29oh
18:30you made it to the peak
18:33of your fear
18:34you never thought you could feel this
18:38free
18:45now slurp up the fear
18:46like a rat that's thirsty
18:48slurp it up
18:49like page with ice coffee
18:55yes
18:55wait
18:56am i dead
18:57am i a shapeshifter
19:00hayley
19:01you really thought i was a shapeshifter
19:04you're not
19:05no
19:06why did you act like you were
19:07well at first i was doing it because i was pissed
19:10i love you tommy
19:11i can't do it
19:12klaus you weasel
19:13we were supposed to yell into the well together
19:15but you let me do it alone
19:18i passed out
19:19had sick euphoria
19:21but then i fell in
19:23when i woke up
19:24i called for you
19:25klaus
19:26help
19:27but you weren't there for me
19:29again
19:29and as you know
19:31i have the upper body strength of a gorilla when i'm pissed
19:33so i climbed out to find you
19:36i was gonna toss you in the well out of spite
19:39but then you said all those nice sentimental things on the way over
19:42so
19:42i decided to give you the best euphoria ever by acting out the ending of the story
19:47the grim reaper had a quad guitar
19:49that's four hayley
19:51he grew extra hands to play it
19:54you can just tell he is the boss of that whole hellscape
19:58i wish you could have seen it
20:00honestly i think i'm done with euphoria
20:02we had fun
20:03but we got a little too into it
20:05kayley something's behind you
20:07that's not gonna work on me
20:09taste the beans
20:21please taste this
20:23leave me alone my guy
20:24come on
20:25come on
20:25just taste it
20:33mmmm
20:34that's really good actually
20:35the beans are nice and soft
20:37thank you mr reaper
20:39nah
20:40i don't give out compliments
20:41i'm the grim reaper
20:42not the praise heaper
20:44that's so good
20:46i'm the grim reaper
20:48not the praise heaper
20:50yeah that works immediately
20:53why is cooking so hard
20:55have a great night
20:57bye
20:57bye
20:57bye
20:57bye
20:57bye
20:57bye
20:57bye
20:57bye
20:57bye
20:57bye
20:57bye
20:57bye
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