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Taskmaster - Season 21 Episode 4 - Lou Reed and the Wombles
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TVTranscript
00:02Don't look away
00:12Don't put that on Kelly
00:15I might just do this all day
00:20This is weird
00:22So tight
00:32Hello! Welcome to Taskmaster
00:35My name's Greg Davies and I sweat
00:37I sweat when I eat, I sweat when I sunbathe
00:40I sweat when I...you know when I sweat
00:44But most important of all, I sweat the small stuff
00:47The decisions that will make or break the spirits of a comedian
00:50So, put some more water on the sauna coals
00:53And bring me some lemons
00:54Because things are about to get hot
01:00Please welcome Amy Gledhill
01:03Armando Inucci
01:06Joanna Powell
01:09Joel Gomez
01:11And Carvel Nanjiani
01:16And next to me a man who told me recently in confidence
01:19That whenever he walks a dog in his local neighbourhood
01:22He never cleans up her poo
01:24And I quote him
01:25What do I care if people get ploppy shoes
01:27They should watch where they're walking
01:29It is!
01:34He did he on a touch!
01:37CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:40Hello everyone
01:42Here we are
01:43We're putting water, Greg
01:44OK
01:44For a little team bonding activity
01:46Up for that?
01:47Yeah
01:48Just drink it how I drink it
01:49Ready?
01:49Yep
01:50Here we go
01:50Hit it!
01:52MUSIC PLAYS
01:55MUSIC PLAYS
02:10LAUGHTER
02:16Is that the end of this bit?
02:17That's the end of that bit
02:19Every cell in my body wants to chuck this in your face
02:23Oh, I sort of want you to as well
02:25Oh!
02:27LAUGHTER
02:33APPLAUSE
02:40Right
02:41Oh, God!
02:43Well, that is an unexpected direction
02:46LAUGHTER
02:47LAUGHTER
02:50So, on with the show.
02:53Is that the prize category?
02:55Yes.
02:55And the category is the best two things
02:58that become something even better when combined.
03:01Five points for the best combo,
03:03five great combos for the episode winner.
03:05OK, Joel, what two things have you brought in?
03:07I've brought in a USB stick
03:10with my favourite Christmas song ever on it,
03:13and it's by Sting.
03:16Oh!
03:17And Shaggy.
03:19LAUGHTER
03:19We made an album together,
03:21and on that album is Silent Night, right?
03:25I thought I could sing it for you.
03:28Yeah!
03:29CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
03:32What are you to do Sting's part?
03:35Oh, typecast again.
03:38LAUGHTER
03:39There's some bells for you, Camille,
03:42and then I'll just come in with Shaggy's part when it's necessary.
03:45OK, go.
03:48Silent night, holy night.
03:54All is calm, all is bright.
04:00To the bye-bye Shaggy!
04:03CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
04:11I appreciate that.
04:13Incredible, Joel.
04:14I think this is strong.
04:16Oh.
04:17Camille.
04:17Hi.
04:18Can you beat Shaggy and Sting?
04:20I'm a man of the world, Greg.
04:23You are?
04:24Pakistani, born and raised.
04:25I live in America.
04:26I'm shooting a show in London right now.
04:28Wow.
04:28So I bridge cultures.
04:30That's sort of my cross to bear.
04:33LAUGHTER
04:34So I've come up with a new dish that combines two very disparate foods into one amazing dish.
04:40It's a kebab with strawberry jam.
04:44Brrrr!
04:45Invented a new dish.
04:46Hello, Shaggy.
04:46And I would like for you to try it.
04:49LAUGHTER
04:50APPLAUSE
04:52Wow.
04:53It doesn't look great.
04:54It doesn't smell great if you don't mind me saying it.
04:56Well, I should tell you the name of the dish is Racial Harmony.
05:01So if you don't like it, I'd like you to tell me you're not a fan of Racial Harmony.
05:06I didn't think I'd ever say this, but Racial Harmony makes me feel sick.
05:11LAUGHTER
05:13Do you want to have a little nibble of this?
05:15Yes.
05:17LAUGHTER
05:19Down in one.
05:21All of it.
05:23Oh, God.
05:24Oh, baby girl.
05:25Mmm.
05:27LAUGHTER
05:30What do you think?
05:32Yeah, we'll never have that again.
05:34LAUGHTER
05:36We've had it confirmed.
05:37It's disgusting.
05:38So it's not looking good.
05:40LAUGHTER
05:40I'm not in your drawer.
05:41Yeah, I'm not in my drawer.
05:42Hello, Amy.
05:44Hello.
05:44How are you going to beat that?
05:46I tell you how I'm going to beat it.
05:47With a, with a glock.
05:48Or a four.
05:50A four.
05:50Yeah.
05:51So, have you ever been eating anything?
05:53I can't get this in my mouth quick enough.
05:56LAUGHTER
05:58Well, that is, is where the glock comes in.
06:02It's a glove and a fork.
06:03OK.
06:04Who's using a knife and fork these days?
06:06That's a thing of the past.
06:07It's a glock, it's glock time.
06:09You want to see the glock?
06:10Oh, my God, it's glock o'clock.
06:12LAUGHTER
06:17It's a lovely, chic glove.
06:20And then, chip, chip, chip.
06:21You can fit, like, three chips on.
06:22Chip, chip, chip.
06:23One finger.
06:24Chip, chip, chip.
06:25I like the starting point.
06:26I'm not sure the reality is any better than racial harmony.
06:31Armando, can you beat this?
06:32Obviously.
06:33LAUGHTER
06:33It's a song featuring Lou Reed and the Wombles.
06:38LAUGHTER
06:38It's not.
06:39LAUGHTER
06:41It's not.
06:43I just was about to write Armando five points.
06:47LAUGHTER
06:49It's very beautiful, it's two completely contrasting things
06:52which, when put together, creates this natural phenomenon.
06:55It's sunshine and shit.
06:57LAUGHTER
06:58Have a look at this, Claire.
06:59Here you go, here.
06:59It's beautiful.
07:00There's a soap dispenser.
07:01Yep.
07:02So, here comes the sun.
07:04LAUGHTER
07:08It's good.
07:10It's good.
07:10They win the soap dispenser today, the pigeon.
07:12Yeah, and the sun, I think.
07:14Oh.
07:16I have brought in my own tongue and a box of popping candy.
07:23Because when I was young, right, it was really hard to get home.
07:25There we go!
07:26We're in the 1980s, right, in Swansea.
07:30And now I've discovered, oh, my God, you can just buy it on the internet.
07:33I went online and I got a box of about, like, 45 or something,
07:37or about 28.
07:38I've got loads and it's really nice.
07:41You know when you pour that on your tongue and get that little...
07:45..that?
07:46It feels amazing, so that's why I love popping candy.
07:49Yeah, she's brought in popping candies, the short answer.
07:51Right.
07:51And a fake tongue.
07:52There we go.
07:52LAUGHTER
07:53I mean, I've got to say, it's great stuff, isn't it?
07:56Thank you, Joanna.
07:58So, one point, the glock.
08:00The glock. Well done, Amy.
08:01One to Amy.
08:01Two points to the kebab meat.
08:03Whoa!
08:04Oh, no!
08:05With jam on it.
08:06Call it by its name.
08:08LAUGHTER
08:13OK, the second worst thing I've seen today is racial harmony.
08:17LAUGHTER
08:19Some popping candy in a tongue is better than racial harmony.
08:23Three points.
08:25You didn't invent the plopping pigeon, but it's a wonderful thing,
08:29and I wish I had it, so I will give it four points.
08:32And, I mean, how can I not put Sting and Shaggy,
08:35a wonderful example of musical and racial harmony?
08:40Five points!
08:42Five points for Jordan!
08:45APPLAUSE
08:47Task time!
08:49Oh, well, this really is very exciting.
09:03MUSIC PLAYS
09:07I'm back.
09:08Alex, come out.
09:10Hiya!
09:11Hello, Joanna.
09:12Ooh!
09:13The drill!
09:15Yeah, no, you won't be needing that.
09:17I'm so sorry.
09:19Oh...
09:19Sorry, that shouldn't be there.
09:20Oh, really?
09:22Can I ever go on it first?
09:23Of course, yeah.
09:24Oh, God, no, I'm not going to, actually,
09:26because it might say if you touch the drill,
09:28I'm not having anything hampering me.
09:30LAUGHTER
09:30All right, here we go.
09:32Make something boring exciting.
09:35Most exciting boring thing wins.
09:37You have 20 minutes.
09:38Your time starts now.
09:41Watching somebody sleeping is pretty boring,
09:43but I think for some people it can be very exciting.
09:46LAUGHTER
09:46Like, if they don't know, that seems exciting.
09:51Don't put that in the show.
09:53What do you find boring, Amy?
09:55Wood.
09:56Planks of wood.
09:57Rocks.
09:58I like rocks.
09:59I don't think they're boring.
10:01You don't think rocks are boring?
10:02No.
10:03Oh, Alex.
10:04LAUGHTER
10:06OK, this is my first thing, right,
10:08because this is something that I do get worried about,
10:10and I'm very nervous about the whole thing, right,
10:12because I'm not a comedian, I don't do stand-up,
10:15and so I'm boring and I'm going to say,
10:19me, me.
10:20Right, so we need to make you exciting.
10:21Well, I thought this was exciting, my announcement.
10:24See?
10:25You think you're finished?
10:26Yeah.
10:28APPLAUSE
10:34Kamal, do you find watching people when they sleep exciting?
10:37LAUGHTER
10:38It's only exciting when they don't know.
10:41Yeah, what's the point if they know?
10:44LAUGHTER
10:46OK, we're going to start with Armando and Joando.
10:49LAUGHTER
11:01Come on, Alex.
11:02Let's go and show them what exciting really is.
11:07BUZZER
11:08Come on.
11:11Greg, I'm coming for you!
11:14Ready?
11:15I'm ready.
11:16OK.
11:16So, most books are categorised by a system called the duodecibel system,
11:21which, though effective, is a bit dull.
11:23So, this is an attempt to, er,
11:26make the act of book categorisation much more exciting
11:31by doing it in rhyme.
11:33OK?
11:33OK.
11:35Tell you what's boring, categorising books.
11:38Let's add some pizzazz, so it's more exciting than it looks.
11:42I don't care about the rules, and you know why?
11:45I'm excited!
11:46Because I'm exciting and I'm wild!
11:49This is poems by Tennyson, so poems with titles that write with venison.
11:53Yeah!
11:55Whoo!
11:55This one's dream and mouldy, so it's on the shelf of books that oldie.
12:14I'm finally out with a bang, categorising Joey and the Blackbird Gang.
12:19I hope you've enjoyed this attempt to sell categorisation of books that isn't due decimal.
12:26LAUGHTER
12:27LAUGHTER
12:29Marvelous polÃtica!
12:33ROAR!
12:36ROAR!
12:39ROAR!
12:40ROAR!
12:40ROAR!
12:42CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
12:56New book categorisation system into perspective.
13:00Yeah. It's terrible, isn't it?
13:02Because after I did that, I thought, oh, that's done really well.
13:07Did you feel free, Joanna? I felt incredibly free.
13:10It was very exhilarating.
13:12I really enjoyed it, but I do feel bad now,
13:15because he hasn't got a face, but I didn't feel bad then.
13:17She's wrecked.
13:19Part one is done. Goodbye.
13:30APPLAUSE
13:31Hello!
13:33We're the merch of Taskmaster,
13:35where things are definitely not dull.
13:38Never, because everyone is trying their very best
13:40to make something boring exciting.
13:43Next up, they were both born in the 1980s,
13:45so they're a little bit younger than the others,
13:46but they're also not that young.
13:48It's Amy and Joel.
13:53Standard boring plank of wood.
13:55Yeah?
13:56OK.
13:57Yeah? You ready?
13:57I'm ready.
13:58No peeping.
14:04Countdown for me.
14:05All right, here we go.
14:06From 100.
14:07100.
14:08More exciting.
14:0999.
14:1198.
14:14Are you ready to be excited?
14:16I really am.
14:1829.
14:1928.
14:20I regret the 100.
14:2127.
14:22OK.
14:24Not just a boring plank anymore.
14:26It's a sexy lady.
14:28Woo!
14:29And look at that.
14:31She's got boobies, Alex.
14:32Yeah, I can see that.
14:33See that?
14:34Yeah.
14:38It's been up a bit.
14:39Five, four, three, two, one, zero!
15:02Come on.
15:03Yeah.
15:08It's on fire.
15:10Yeah.
15:11Come on.
15:20I wasn't convinced by the plank of woods when I first saw it, but as soon as the boob reveal
15:25happened, I was just transported back to those pens when you were a kid.
15:30Which, genuinely, first sexual experience for me.
15:33So, er...
15:34LAUGHTER
15:35I thought the sexy plank lady was brilliant.
15:37Great.
15:37There you go.
15:38Joel.
15:40I've never seen a boy so happy.
15:42Oh, my Lord.
15:44Since I saw the pens when I was growing up.
15:47LAUGHTER
15:47I've never made a face like that.
15:50LAUGHTER
15:51Well, it's time for the final attempt.
15:52On the big screen, Kamal has played a genetically-engineered, cosmic-powered, near-immortal superhero in a global franchise.
15:58He's also spent 20 minutes doing this.
16:01LAUGHTER
16:11LAUGHTER
16:14LAUGHTER
16:16LAUGHTER
16:17AAh!
16:18LAUGHTER
16:28Ah!
16:50Hold on.
17:00Good?
17:01Did we get it?
17:20And it was very exhausting running with all those things.
17:26That pineapple is very heavy.
17:28What are these muscles for?
17:31Decorative.
17:34Well, I'm going to give poor Armando just one point,
17:37but I did think it was sort of adorable, Armando, I will say that.
17:40Then there's a gulf between Armandos and the next person.
17:44I'm giving Tip Plank three points.
17:46LAUGHTER
17:47Moving up, I'm going to give you four points.
17:50There's a lot of imagination went into it,
17:52but I'm giving Joel's spinning bear heads five points.
17:56OK.
17:56And I'm also giving Joanna, liberating herself by smashing a sheep,
18:00five points.
18:01Well, thank you, Joanna.
18:09Hey, baby boy, what's the scores?
18:11Well, she was winning the series, but she's losing the episode.
18:14Amy's in last place.
18:15He was losing the series, but he's winning the episode.
18:18Joel's in first place with ten points.
18:19CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
18:24All change.
18:26S'il vous plaît une autre tâche.
18:28Ah oui, monsieur, eh, qu'est-ce qu'il y a manger?
18:41Oh-ho!
18:44This is nice.
18:45A banquet.
18:47You may sit down.
18:48Thank you so much.
18:49Oh!
18:50It's lower than you expect.
18:53LAUGHTER
18:55That is much lower than I was expecting.
18:58Yeah, you don't look very big.
18:59No.
19:00People have said that.
19:02Oh!
19:03Oh, look, a clash.
19:05Oh, we're just adjusting the cameras to get your height.
19:07Yeah.
19:08Did this happen with anyone else?
19:10No.
19:10Just me.
19:11You set this up for me.
19:14I'm just going to get the child's tripod.
19:15LAUGHTER
19:17Ooh, leather.
19:19Sounds weird against an old chair.
19:23LAUGHTER
19:24Right.
19:25You can open the task, but not the...
19:27LAUGHTER
19:28Not the cloche.
19:30Not the cloche.
19:31I wouldn't dare.
19:32I'm claustrophobic.
19:35LAUGHTER
19:36APPLAUSE
19:36Ooh.
19:38Work out what food is under the cloche.
19:42When you've done that,
19:43and only when you have done that,
19:46you must remove the cloche and eat the food.
19:50Alex will always incorrectly answer your previous question.
19:55And you must not repeat questions.
19:58Fastest wins.
20:00Your time starts now.
20:03Not good at these ones.
20:04I know.
20:05LAUGHTER
20:09APPLAUSE
20:10Well, I'll tell you now, I didn't mind claustrophobic at all.
20:14Oh!
20:15Not at all.
20:16LAUGHTER
20:16Let's get on with it.
20:17I can't wait to see them.
20:18It sounds simpler than they found it.
20:20Right.
20:21Mr Nanjiani and Miss Gledhill are our first competitors
20:25to find out what nosh is under the cloche.
20:28Is this food dairy?
20:32I'm not going to answer that question.
20:36Is it a dessert?
20:38Is it a sandwich?
20:40It is definitely never a dessert.
20:43So it's a dessert.
20:45Could you feed this food to a baby?
20:48No, none of it has come from a cow.
20:51Is it sweet?
20:52It would kill a baby.
20:55So it's milky and a baby could eat it.
20:59Can I get a pen?
21:00No, nothing about it is sweet.
21:04Is it a vegetable?
21:05No.
21:08So it is sweet.
21:10Is it custard?
21:13Yes.
21:14Is it a cow?
21:16No.
21:19Is it custard?
21:21Yep.
21:21Is it jelly?
21:22No.
21:25It's custard.
21:26I think it's custard.
21:28Are you asking me a question?
21:30Is it a food that rhymes with kernel mustard?
21:34Yes.
21:35Is it ten feet tall?
21:36No, it's not.
21:37But you can't open the cloche.
21:39Yes, it's jelly and you can't open it yet.
21:42But you said it was custard.
21:44Is it made up of two parts?
21:46Yes.
21:47Is it alive?
21:48No.
21:49Yes.
21:50Custard and what would you have done?
21:53Is it savoury?
21:54Yes.
21:55Is it ham?
21:57No.
21:58So it is savoury.
22:00Could you dip your finger into it and eat it that way?
22:03Always.
22:04Is it salsa?
22:05No.
22:06Or you could dip your finger into it.
22:08Is it green?
22:09Yes.
22:09Is it yellow?
22:10Yes.
22:10Is it purple?
22:11No.
22:13Savoury and yellow.
22:15Is it tomato ketchup?
22:17Yes.
22:17Is it spicy?
22:19No.
22:19Is it mustard?
22:21No.
22:22Ha!
22:22Is it mustard?
22:23Yes.
22:24Is it hot sauce?
22:25No.
22:26It's mustard.
22:27Is it custard and mustard?
22:29No.
22:29You can't open that.
22:30Ah!
22:31Custard and mustard?
22:32Yes, it's hot sauce.
22:33I'm going to open it.
22:38Oh my God!
22:40It's custard and mustard!
22:43You have to eat it and then I'll stop the clock.
22:44I'm going to eat it together.
22:46Because fuck you.
22:52That was so much worse than I was ready for.
23:00How's it spicy, boy?
23:01Do you want to stop the clock?
23:02Yeah, stop the goddamn clock.
23:08Yeah.
23:11My brother ended beautifully with the two quotes.
23:14Oh, it's a spicy boy.
23:17And I'm going to eat them together because fuck you.
23:22Do you want me to tell you who was the slowest?
23:24Yes.
23:25The slowest just was Kamal.
23:2835 minutes, 56 seconds.
23:3035 minutes?
23:32I did that?
23:33And 56 seconds.
23:34And weirdly, you've done it pretty well.
23:39Amy asked twice as many questions as you,
23:42but she asked a question every 11 seconds.
23:4633 minutes and 25 seconds.
23:48Wow.
23:49Well, now for two super-switched-on guys.
23:52There are Mando and Joel.
23:55Is it...
23:57Is it meat?
23:58Is it bird-based?
23:59It is, yes.
24:02Is it an egg?
24:04No.
24:04Wait, wait, what did you say no to?
24:06Wait, what did you say?
24:07Wait, wait, wait, wait.
24:08What did I ask?
24:09Have you ever thought about simplifying the rules?
24:11Yes, cabbage.
24:16Is it chips?
24:17Yes.
24:19What was my last one?
24:20Yes, it's chips.
24:22Was that a question?
24:23Is it trifle?
24:24Yes.
24:24Is it ice cream?
24:27Nothing to do with trifle.
24:29It's trifle then.
24:30No similarities.
24:35What?
24:36Put it back on.
24:37You still don't know exactly what it is.
24:39Keep going.
24:40Do you enjoy them with vinegar?
24:43Yes, it's chips still.
24:46It's...
24:47It's chips?
24:48Yes.
24:51No, what are you doing?
24:52Oh, what?
24:54I thought I was supposed to say what it was in an opening.
24:57You have seen it now.
24:59No, I haven't.
25:00Will this stop if I...
25:10Is it custard?
25:12No, if you stab your eye with a fork, we'll carry on.
25:20No.
25:20No.
25:21No.
25:21No.
25:33No.
25:42No.
25:43No.
25:46No.
25:50No.
25:50No.
25:59No.
26:02No.
26:04No.
26:08No.
26:12No.
26:13No.
26:13No.
26:15I think I need to like, seriously go back to school or something.
26:25What I don't understand was it got harder after I'd seen it.
26:31You were both quicker than the outside too.
26:34But they looked at the food.
26:36Exactly, yeah.
26:37Armando looked at it after ten minutes and got it right after 21.
26:42LAUGHTER
26:43Joel looked after six minutes and got it right after 26 and a half minutes.
26:47LAUGHTER
26:49Neither of them got it right in the end. They both looked again to get it right.
26:52So, they get nothing? I imagine so.
26:54Yeah. Time for a break.
26:56Put that phone down. No doom scrolling.
26:58Stand up, stretch your legs, go into the garden and shout,
27:00I am alive, into the night sky. I mean it. Do it now.
27:04APPLAUSE
27:14Hello!
27:16Yes, it's part three and it's an incredibly irritating Tuscan play.
27:19All the contestants have to do is work out what food is under the cloche,
27:23whereas I have to answer their previous question incorrectly.
27:26Hashtag hard for horn. And...
27:29LAUGHTER
27:30There's just one person left.
27:33It's the final page. It's Joanna.
27:37Right, there's got... I can lift it and see how heavy it is.
27:39Ooh, it's very light.
27:42I can smell it.
27:44I can smell it.
27:46I can smell it. It's savoury.
27:47Is it savoury?
27:48Is it sweet?
27:50No.
27:51Yes, it's savoury.
27:54Ugh! I don't like it. It's not that nice.
27:58Is it runny?
27:59Yes.
28:00Is it hot?
28:01Ooh, no.
28:05Mmm...
28:05No.
28:06Well, that means it's half and half then.
28:09Is it...
28:11Is it...
28:11Is it...
28:12Is it...
28:13Yellow?
28:14Yes.
28:15Is it cheese?
28:16No.
28:17What the hell is yellow and runny?
28:19Is it custard?
28:20Yes.
28:21Baked beans?
28:22No, don't lift up the cloche.
28:24It's custard.
28:25It's custard.
28:26But there's some other thing with it, which is savoury.
28:29But it smells.
28:31It smells horrible.
28:32It smells of a bit like salad cream.
28:35I'm just gonna say some things.
28:36You're right, it's mustard or something.
28:38Oh!
28:39You just said something.
28:41I've been saying custard.
28:43And you just said mustard.
28:46I'm making a guess.
28:48It's custard and mustard.
28:50You might open the cloche.
28:53I think you managed to stack them.
28:56God, it stinks!
28:58Will you hold my nose for me, please?
29:00I'd love to.
29:01OK.
29:01Got it.
29:02OK, one, two, three, go.
29:04Oh, my God, it rolled him up!
29:05Mm-hm.
29:05Oh, my God, I did the...
29:07I'll start with that.
29:08Ah!
29:10APPLAUSE
29:16Well, I mean, let's say it as it is,
29:19someone fucked up.
29:20He sabotaged it.
29:22I was doing so well.
29:23No, he gave you the answer.
29:25He didn't sabotage it.
29:26The shaking system was good.
29:28Mm-hm.
29:29Yeah, the shaking was a good strategy.
29:30You know what was a better strategy?
29:31Having you tell her the answer.
29:33LAUGHTER
29:35I mean, we're gonna have to allow it,
29:37because it's his mistake, not Joanna's, so...
29:39Mm.
29:39But how did she do?
29:41She won.
29:41She did really well.
29:42Well done, Joanna, yeah.
29:44Of course she did.
29:46APPLAUSE
29:49Armando and Joel both cheated.
29:51Very naughty boys, so zero points each.
29:54Three to Kamel, four to Amy, and five to Joanna Page.
29:57APPLAUSE
29:59Difficult task, isn't it?
30:00Difficult task.
30:00Yeah.
30:01All we have to do is ask one question.
30:03Yeah.
30:04Because I had to answer every question incorrectly.
30:06If you'd asked me what wasn't under the cloche,
30:09I would have told you there was mustard and custard.
30:12Done.
30:13Doesn't matter.
30:14Alex...
30:15LAUGHTER
30:16Of course!
30:17Alex, you must fuck yourself.
30:21LAUGHTER
30:21On that.
30:22On that.
30:23APPLAUSE
30:28Let's task again.
30:29Right, we did last summer, but for now we're back in the lab
30:32and it's everyone's favourite type of test.
30:34Multiple choice.
30:35MUSIC PLAYS
30:47Alex.
30:48Hello there.
30:51OK.
30:54Oh, jeez.
30:55Phil did that one.
30:57Two tasks.
30:58Pardon?
31:01Oh, three tasks!
31:04LAUGHTER
31:05If you opened this task first, you must pop the balloon,
31:08then open another task.
31:10Am I allowed to open this?
31:11You've got a choice of three to open.
31:14If you open this task first, you must spin 360 degrees...
31:19Ten times, then open another task.
31:21Well, I'm not going to do that.
31:22If you open this task first, you must completely cover...
31:26..the balloon in tin foil.
31:29Then open another task.
31:30What are you thinking?
31:34I'm...I'm...I'm not really.
31:36LAUGHTER
31:36I think I've realised that's not really my vibe.
31:44Let's see if we can do some stuff, you.
31:46OK, well, first, just like my third favourite battery,
31:49it's double A, Armando and Amy.
31:51And just so you know, my second favourite battery's a C because they're manly
31:54and my favourite's a triple A because they're cute.
31:56Here we go.
31:56LAUGHTER
31:57Yeah, I'm going to do the balloon first.
32:00Complete all three tasks.
32:01Fastest wins and you must inflect your voice at the end of every sentence you say.
32:06Fastest wins and you must end every sentence with the word mate.
32:10Your time starts now.
32:11Mate.
32:12If you open this task first, you must pop the balloon, then open another task, mate.
32:17Pop the balloon and then open another task.
32:19Ta-ta-ta.
32:20Open another task.
32:21I'm scared of popping balloons, mate.
32:23Oh, right.
32:24Whee!
32:26Mate!
32:27Oh!
32:30Mate.
32:33If you open this task second, you must put the tin foil and all the dice in the jar, seal
32:37the jar, then open another task.
32:40OK, mate.
32:42Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
32:44I've not quite got the inflection.
32:46I've not quite got the inflection.
32:52I've not quite got the inflection.
32:53Two tasks done.
32:54Done.
32:54Two tasks done.
32:55Come on.
32:56Ah.
32:57If you open this task third, you must eat a yellow sweet, then you are finished, mate.
33:02A yellow sweet, then you're finished.
33:06Oh, you fucker, mate.
33:10Is it one of these dives?
33:12It probably would be, wouldn't it?
33:14Hang on, I'll do this a bit more carefully.
33:20That was aggressive.
33:21Sorry about that, mate.
33:22Yeah.
33:23Does it look like a yellow dice?
33:26Dice?
33:28Dice is nice.
33:31Oh!
33:33Oh!
33:34Oh!
33:37OK.
33:38I have to eat the whole thing?
33:40Yeah, don't choke.
33:41Don't choke.
33:41OK.
33:41Right.
33:43I'm just going to look for a yellow sweet.
33:46Mm-hmm.
33:47Mm-hmm.
33:51I've got the court, mate.
33:53That's right.
33:56Where did you go?
33:58I can't remember, but the good news is I found a yellow sweet.
34:02So, I'll just eat that.
34:07Where did you find it?
34:10Wrapped round a banana.
34:13What the court?
34:17You lost your life, didn't you?
34:20Yes!
34:22I thought, until you found the sweet, Amy, I thought we'd finally broken you.
34:28There was one mate that I said, not in my accent, and that's when I knew I was angry, because
34:32I said, mate.
34:34What did Armando eat at the end?
34:37It was a yellow sweet.
34:38I mean...
34:39Well, you said it was previously wrapped around a banana.
34:41It was...
34:41It was banana skin.
34:42Banana-flavoured yellow.
34:44It scraped the banana skin off and tried to pass it off as a sweet.
34:47Wait, so that was not a sweet?
34:49It looked like a sweet, didn't it?
34:50Yeah.
34:51Well, what was it?
34:52It was a sweet.
34:53It was banana skin.
34:54It was banana skin.
34:56Why did you not take a piece of the actual banana?
34:59Yeah.
35:01Oh, this is the only non-edible part.
35:05I'll tell you this.
35:06You could make an argument that I should disqualify him for that,
35:09but I'm not going to, because the whole thing broke my heart.
35:16Two more?
35:17Two more!
35:17And now it's two stars from the 2020 film Doolittle.
35:21It is Joanna and Kumail who were both in Doolittle.
35:24Aww.
35:24What?
35:26I'm going to just do this.
35:27Fine.
35:28Yeah.
35:29Complete all three tasks, fastest wins, and you must say,
35:32I am Kumail Nanjiani at the end of every sentence.
35:35That comes very naturally to me.
35:36I'm Kumail Nanjiani.
35:37And you must exhale and shake your head at the end of every sentence you say.
35:44Your time starts now.
35:47If you open this task first, you must spin 360 degrees ten times, then open another task.
35:53I'm Kumail Nanjiani.
35:54You must completely cover the balloon in tinfoil, then open another task.
35:57I'm Kumail Nanjiani.
35:57I'm Kumail Nanjiani.
35:58One.
35:59One.
35:59Two.
36:00Three.
36:01Four.
36:04Cool.
36:05One done.
36:07I'm Kumail Nanjiani.
36:08Nine.
36:09Ten.
36:09I'm impressed.
36:11OK.
36:12I'm going to go for this one.
36:14If you open this task second, you must spin 360 degrees twenty times, then open another
36:19task.
36:20I'm Kumail Nanjiani.
36:21I'm Kumail Nanjiani.
36:21If you open this task second, you must put the tin foil and all the dice in the jar.
36:30Oh, my God.
36:32I'm assuming it...
36:33Ah!
36:33Ah!
36:34Ah!
36:35Ah!
36:38One.
36:39Two.
36:40Three.
36:41Four.
36:41Five.
36:42Ah!
36:42And I've just found a sweet, but I didn't say to put the sweets in, so I'm keeping that
36:46because I probably need that for later on.
36:49I'm Kumail Nanjiani.
36:51I'm Kumail Nanjiani.
36:53I'm Kumail Nanjiani.
36:55I'm Kumail Nanjiani.
36:55I'm Kumail Nanjiani.
36:58Right.
36:59If you open this task third, you must wrap the yellow sweet in the tin foil.
37:06Then you are finished.
37:08You must eat a yellow sweet.
37:10Then you are finished.
37:12I'm Kumail Nanjiani.
37:15Oh, that's not a yellow sweet, is it?
37:18I'm Kumail Nanjiani.
37:19It's a pink sweet, right?
37:22Right.
37:22So I'm going to suck this one because it might be a changing one.
37:28Where's the sweet?
37:30There's a sweet somewhere, but where?
37:34Where is it?
37:42Even an idiot would have to agree that's a yellow sweet.
37:45I'm Kumail Nanjiani.
37:46What's up we've got?
37:48What's up we've got?
37:48This is weird.
37:52Right.
37:54I'm going to take this apart.
37:56Oh, my God.
37:57I'm sorry.
37:58I'm quite astounded by my own thinking.
38:00I am absolutely and utterly chapped.
38:03I've stopped the clock.
38:04Flipping it.
38:05I'm chapped.
38:06I'm chapped.
38:07I'm chapped.
38:08I'm chapped.
38:08I'm chapped.
38:12I could quite tell what sort of mood Joanna was in at the end of that.
38:16Yeah.
38:17It was utter relief.
38:19Yeah.
38:19Yes.
38:19I think I went in, like, cameramen's pockets and stuff.
38:22I was searching, like, everyone.
38:25Kamail?
38:26Greg?
38:27Were you asked to say your name in the style of Roger Moore?
38:31I can't help it.
38:32I'm Kumail Nanjiani.
38:35OK, time for the final ad break.
38:37Today's episode will end with somebody celebrating on stage
38:40with a jammy kebab and a prosthetic tongue.
38:43Oh, I love jam.
38:45He does.
38:46He loves jam.
38:47See you in a bit.
38:48CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
38:57Hello!
38:59It's the final part of the show
39:01and we need to finish what we started in the line.
39:03Our guys had to complete three tasks which they could tackle
39:07in whichever order they liked.
39:08One person left.
39:09He's part man.
39:10He's part egg.
39:11He's Joel...
39:13Domlet.
39:14LAUGHTER
39:17Complete all three tasks.
39:19Fastest wins.
39:20And you must repeat the last two words of every sentence you say.
39:23You say.
39:24Your time starts now.
39:25Starts now.
39:26Must pop the balloon.
39:27Then open another task.
39:29Another task.
39:33You must eat a red sweet and then open another task.
39:38Another task.
39:39Red sweet.
39:40Red sweet.
39:42Is there a red sweet in here?
39:44You're looking for a red sweet.
39:45I'm looking for a red sweet.
39:46Hmm.
39:46Red sweet.
39:50You're thinking about eating the wax.
39:52I'm thinking about eating the wax.
39:56I'm thinking about eating the wax.
39:57That's your red sweet, is it?
40:02That nice.
40:04Mmm.
40:05Okay, so we're saying you've done two tasks.
40:07Yeah.
40:07Can't wait for that waxy poop.
40:09If you open this task third, you must spin 360 degrees 30 times then you're finished.
40:15Yes!
40:15I love this stuff.
40:16Here we go.
40:20I've just seen the red sweet.
40:28One.
40:29Two.
40:30Three.
40:31Four.
40:32Five.
40:33Six.
40:34Seven.
40:34Five.
40:35Five.
40:37Five.
40:49Six.
40:49Six.
40:50Six.
40:51Six.
40:52Six.
40:52You started so fast.
40:54I know.
41:00Look, this episode, I think we've learnt there's a lot of things I'm not good at.
41:06And spinning, I'm good at that.
41:09You were really good at it.
41:10I mean, you were so good you'd spun more than 30 times.
41:12Did you have to say the last two words for the whole thing?
41:15He was meant to, you're right, Kamau, and after eating the wax seal he stopped saying the end of the
41:20sentence again.
41:21But I imagine Greg didn't mind because he liked the spinning so much.
41:24I'll just check in.
41:24He just...
41:25Do you mind about him not repeating the word for you?
41:27I don't mind because he, um, spun so many times.
41:30I thought that was a good idea.
41:31So it doesn't matter if you do the task or not?
41:34Not really.
41:35OK.
41:38Yes.
41:38Here are the scores.
41:39Joanna, you were actually the slowest, 11 minutes 30, so it's one point for you.
41:43Armando next, 9 minutes 12, including banana skin.
41:47LAUGHTER
41:48We'll allow it.
41:50Amy gets three points, 6 minutes 5 seconds, so it's between Kamau and Joel.
41:55One of you took 5 minutes 40, the other 4 minutes 57.
41:59LAUGHTER
42:01And Kamau gets 4 points in second place.
42:02Joel, you get 5 points.
42:04Joel!
42:054 minutes 57, Kamau gets 4 points in second place.
42:09Well done, Joel Gomez.
42:11APPLAUSE
42:17That does seem grossly unfair.
42:21Please make your way to the stage for the final dance for the show!
42:26CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
42:34Well done, my boy.
42:36Who will be reading out the task?
42:38I'm your baby boy, Amy Cledhill.
42:40Thank you, baby boy.
42:42Be the first to communicate the item to your team.
42:47You must not make any noise.
42:49You must use your pencil and ball, and you must stare at both throughout.
42:54You must stay on your spots at all times.
42:58Best team of communicators after five rounds wins.
43:02Fantastic.
43:03OK.
43:03Is this a task where we have to follow the rules?
43:07LAUGHTER
43:10We're going to come over and show Amy and Joanna the first item.
43:14This is the first one.
43:15Ready?
43:17It's like charades.
43:19It is charades.
43:21So, remember, no noise.
43:22This is...
43:23You must use your items and stare at them.
43:26Ready?
43:26Ready!
43:30Dog.
43:31Bowling.
43:32Dog's right!
43:32Oh, Stan!
43:34Oh.
43:34Right.
43:34It's a quick one, and they're 1-0 up.
43:37Yeah.
43:38Good.
43:40OK.
43:41Ready?
43:46Don't look.
43:47Right.
43:48Mmm.
43:49Different reactions.
43:51Round 2.
43:521-0 to the team of two.
43:53Remember.
43:53Shout it out.
43:55Canoe.
43:55Rowing.
43:56Oh!
43:58Gondola.
43:59Gondola.
44:00Gondola.
44:01Canoe.
44:02Ship.
44:03Canoe.
44:04Pirate ship.
44:05Sea.
44:06Sea.
44:06Sea.
44:06Sea.
44:06Sea.
44:07Sea.
44:10Ocean!
44:12Ocean!
44:14She's in advance!
44:15She's in advance!
44:17The gallery are actually checking it.
44:20Because here, we're all about the rules.
44:22LAUGHTER
44:24We have analysed the footage, and the fastest team was...
44:29Joanna and Armando.
44:31Oh!
44:33So please put it down again.
44:35That's your funeral.
44:37One more will get you the win, but how big will the win be?
44:39Oh!
44:40Hello again.
44:40Hello.
44:41I'm bad at this.
44:42No, you won't be.
44:43You're in movies.
44:44You can do this.
44:46It's your Kamel Nanjia.
44:50Ready?
44:50Go.
44:51WHISTLE BLOWS
44:54Er...
44:55Please stay on your spot, Kamel.
44:57The rules!
44:58Corn.
44:59Corn.
45:00Sweet corn.
45:00Corn and corn.
45:01Nice and silent.
45:02Straw.
45:02Straw.
45:03Straw.
45:04Food.
45:05Squish.
45:08Peas.
45:10Food.
45:12Spaghetti.
45:13Yes!
45:14It is spaghetti!
45:15Incredible!
45:18That's amazing!
45:19Just about.
45:21That's right.
45:21Switch round.
45:22It's 2-1.
45:23They're back in it.
45:24Back in it.
45:25OK.
45:26Hello, Armando.
45:27Hi, Alex.
45:27Don't give anything away when you see it.
45:29Is that all right?
45:37OK.
45:40Please look at your items.
45:41Cool!
45:42Greg David!
45:43Yes!
45:43It is Greg David!
45:45It's 2-2!
45:47Oh!
45:48That was amazing!
45:51Wow!
45:52Right.
45:53Remarkable.
45:53Hack in the game.
45:55OK.
45:55Well, it's the final one.
45:56OK.
45:57We can do this.
45:59We can do this.
46:00We can do this.
46:04OK.
46:05Whoever gets this, wins the task.
46:09WHISTLE BLOWS
46:10OK.
46:13Whoever gets this, wins the task.
46:14Oh!
46:14Brushing your teeth.
46:15No, I'm a racket.
46:16A racket.
46:16A racket.
46:19Heart.
46:21Look at your item.
46:22Look at your item.
46:24Wax.
46:25Feel.
46:26A bat.
46:27A bat.
46:29A vampire.
46:30Yes!
46:31It is a vampire!
46:34WHISTLE BLOWS
46:38OK.
46:39We'll add those to the final scores.
46:40Come down and join me!
46:49WHISTLE BLOWS
46:49CHEERING
46:51Well, five points for the team of three, and then how many for the team of two?
46:55Well, they did OK.
46:57Three points.
46:57Three points?
46:58OK, so three for the team of two, five for the team of three.
47:00APPLAUSE
47:04How does that affect the final scores?
47:06Well, Armando, you won't believe it, is in last place with ten points.
47:09The other two boys are at the top.
47:11Kamel's got 18 points, but the winner of this episode, the first time he's won a show,
47:14is Joel Dobbins!
47:15No way!
47:16APPLAUSE
47:17Joel Dobbins wins!
47:20APPLAUSE
47:22Please go and have your celebrations with the best combination!
47:27APPLAUSE
47:46MUSIC
47:48VERY halft
47:49MUSIC
47:53MUSIC
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