- 17 hours ago
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Short filmTranscript
00:07You
00:11Everything okay there?
00:14Everything is great.
00:15We took some mushrooms.
00:17Oh, are we doing that now?
00:20It's like they're heat activated or something.
00:25Peter and I did some chocolate mushrooms a few weeks ago.
00:30You said it behaved very strangely.
00:32Fuck Peter. You do you.
00:35Technically, if you fuck Peter, you're doing him.
00:37No, I don't fuck Peter. Peter fucks me.
00:41Sometimes well, sometimes not so well.
00:43Sometimes Brad fucks on me.
00:50Okay, is that something we want to unpack right now?
00:53Speaking of fucking, Sam, um, how are things going with Gatsby?
00:59Well, I...
01:00Like, I don't know. I mean, it's not a thing yet.
01:05Is it?
01:06I think it's a thing.
01:08Okay, well, can we just go back to talking about how Peter's fucking Diane?
01:10What?
01:12Really?
01:13Mel.
01:13Oh, Mel sits.
01:16Mel.
01:17Hi.
01:17Hi.
01:19Hi.
01:19Hi.
01:20Hi.
01:22What did I miss?
01:24Well, Suzanne is high as shit.
01:27Maggie and Lizzo.
01:30And Sam and Owen Ash are a thing now.
01:32But we know we are not a thing.
01:33We're not a thing.
01:34We're not a thing.
01:35Not a thing.
01:36I heard that you two took a little break in Gretchen's powder room.
01:39What?
01:41That is not entirely inaccurate.
01:46It's a very nice bathroom.
01:49There's no shame.
01:51No, he's a stupidly handsome man.
01:53Very symmetrical in the face.
01:55Gretchen, do you think he's had filler?
01:57If he has, it's very subtle.
02:00I think he's yummy.
02:02Good for you, Sam.
02:05What's wrong?
02:07Nothing.
02:09Just hot.
02:11It's a sauna.
02:23Sorry guys.
02:24It is what it is.
02:26Baby steps.
02:35Why would you buy this?
02:37We don't watch anything that needs to be this big.
02:39It makes it more of a theatrical experience.
02:42It's not a theater.
02:43It's our living room.
02:45This way, after you fall asleep, I can come downstairs and watch movies.
02:49You fall asleep before I do.
02:51Rumors and hearsay.
02:52I think it's cool, Grandpa.
02:54See?
02:54Hunter thinks it's cool.
02:56You know, Dad, I got a guy that hangs these things.
02:58Yeah, and I got two guys.
03:00Right here.
03:02Okay, let's lift it.
03:06What is it?
03:08Nothing.
03:09I just tweak my back.
03:10That sounded like more than a tweak.
03:12Ugh.
03:13Hold on.
03:13Can you...
03:14Hey, how we looking?
03:16The subscription agreements are paper, so everything is nearly finalized.
03:20But not fully?
03:21One of the investors wants to meet.
03:25Cricket Birch.
03:26Cricket Birch.
03:26It's not personal.
03:28She insists on meeting with anyone, taking a significant position in the fund.
03:32Jack was wondering if you were free to join him for drinks at his house tonight, so we can come
03:36up with a game plan.
03:37Okay.
03:37I'll send you the address.
03:39You know, I know where he lives.
03:40All right.
03:41Thanks.
03:50I'm calling my guy.
03:51Bye.
04:16Thank you, Sam.
04:22Don't wanna run for the roses
04:27I got my pocket opposing
04:32Sometimes I wonder why
04:35Sometimes I wonder why
04:37I just don't have a good chosen
04:43Don't wanna smell the dying roses
04:47I got my pocket full of poses
04:53I don't keep up with the chunces
04:57All right.
05:16Uh, excuse me?
05:19Hey, excuse me?
05:20You can't just sit here.
05:23Hello?
05:24Hey.
05:25Are you kidding me?
05:26I'm really sorry.
05:27I already called the driveway.
05:28And this isn't the first time this has happened.
05:30I've been blocked in here more than once
05:32by a blue pickup truck.
05:33Yeah, that's actually my truck.
05:35I'm really sorry about that.
05:37It's just that this road doesn't give us many options.
05:39Blocking my driveway isn't an option.
05:41I know.
05:42I know you're right.
05:45What's your name?
05:50Melanie Cooper.
05:51Hey, Melanie.
05:52I'm McGinn.
05:53I'm the foreman.
05:54That's really great, Miguel, but I'm getting old here.
05:57Can't you move it?
05:58I'm sorry.
05:59I can't.
05:59I just, I called the driver.
06:00He'll be here in just a second.
06:02Okay?
06:02Wait, wait.
06:09Did they tell you to block my driveway?
06:13What?
06:16Nothing.
06:16Never mind.
06:18Oh, here he is now.
06:20Hey, what?
06:21You've left that woman atrapada.
06:23Tell me.
06:24But, please.
06:25Papa, there's not enough space there.
06:26But, please, find another.
06:27Okay?
06:28Please, you have to go.
06:29Go, go, go, go.
06:30Go, go, go.
06:31Go, go, go.
06:31Go, go, go.
06:31Go, go, go.
06:32Go, go, go.
06:32Go, go, go.
06:32Go, go, go.
06:35Here, give me your phone.
06:38I'm sorry, what?
06:38Well, I'll give you my number.
06:40If it happens again, you call me,
06:41and I'll get it clear before they can block you.
06:44You want to give me your number?
06:46Sure.
07:08Yeah, now I have yours.
07:16Real smooth, Miguel.
07:20Bye.
07:37New painting?
07:39Yep, bastards stole my other bacon.
07:42Seriously?
07:43Cops think it's some sort of international art theft ring or something.
07:48Was it insured?
07:49Of course it was, but that's not the point.
07:51I love that fucking painting.
07:52It's the first piece of art I ever bought.
07:56Sorry about that.
07:57Yeah, me too.
07:59Here, I can take you through the numbers.
08:02That's not necessary, Lib.
08:05We're not here to sell Excelsior to Coop.
08:07We're here to sell Coop to Cricket.
08:09That's not about the numbers.
08:10What then?
08:13Cricket Birch is the majority investor in Excelsior because over time she's parked a good chunk
08:17of her family's fortune in it.
08:18Your business is brand new.
08:20She needs assurances that you're not here today and gone tomorrow.
08:23I can do that.
08:24Well, Cricket's not an idiot.
08:26Last time you left, it left...
08:27Look, I didn't leave.
08:29Semantics.
08:30The point is, our disagreement made a bit of a splash.
08:34I mean, you talk shit about me all over Midtown.
08:36Exactly.
08:37And Europe.
08:38So you can understand why she finds it strange that suddenly we're back in bed together again.
08:43I'm finding it pretty strange myself, if I'm being honest.
08:45It's $400 million.
08:46If she knows you, she knows what a whore you are.
08:49Coop.
08:49It's fine, Liv.
08:51Coop is a client now.
08:52He can talk all the shit he wants to about us.
08:55And you can fuck him again, if you so please.
08:57Jack.
08:58Liv.
08:58Liv.
08:59What?
09:01I thought we were just saying each other's names.
09:03Jesus Christ.
09:05Another drink, anyone?
09:06Huh?
09:09Oh, oh, sorry.
09:10I gotta take this.
09:11I will be back in a bit.
09:21Well, isn't this fun?
09:23So, do you think you can manage to stay out of your own way long enough to close this deal?
09:28I'll close the deal, don't worry about it.
09:29It's my job, to worry about it.
09:34Yeah, about that, you know, Jack only puts you on this to fuck with both of us.
09:40Don't do that.
09:41What?
09:41Jack, put me on this, because while he may be an oozing prick of a human being, he knows
09:45I'm damn good at my job.
09:46Well, take it from me, being good at your job isn't always an asset when it comes to Jack.
09:54All right, kids, I really gotta wrap this up.
09:56Did you give him the itinerary?
10:02Pull up an ease.
10:03Mm-hmm.
10:04I assume you'll do us the courtesy of showing up this time, hmm?
10:37I just saw that
10:38it's all right.
10:38Like this, I just said, sorry, but we're fine.
10:56You mixed your whites and colors. Rookie mistake.
10:59I ruined all my school clothes.
11:01I don't know. Here.
11:03I only sorta wear this.
11:12Do you think I made a mistake?
11:14I mean, yeah. Always put it on delicate.
11:17Not with my laundry. With my life.
11:21Oh. Are you asking me for advice?
11:30Do you know that song Fell on Black Days by Soundgarden?
11:33No.
11:34Oh my god, you have to listen to it. It's so fucking good.
11:38Anyway, um, it's about how you can wake up one day and the things that you cared about most in
11:44your life suddenly feel meaningless and wrong.
11:47We all go through times where we question our choices, you know?
11:51And you wonder if it wouldn't be easier to just go with the flow.
11:56But whenever that happens, the thing that I remind myself is that no matter what I'm worried about-
12:04Oh, shit balls. We're gonna be late for school.
12:06Come on, you're my ride.
12:23Hey, can you, uh, see if you can spout how many-
12:25I'm gonna go on.
12:28I'm gonna go on.
12:30I'm gonna go on.
12:32I'm gonna go on.
12:32Oh my god.
12:33I'm gonna go on.
12:34I'm gonna go on.
12:34There it is.
12:37Barney!
12:38What's good, man?
12:40I don't know.
12:40What's, uh, what's going on?
12:42Uh, Barney, this is Luke DeMille. He's Ash's guy.
12:45Nice to meet you, Mr. Choi.
12:46Ash's guy?
12:47He's General Counsel, though I wear many hats.
12:50General Counsel? Is Ash still in us?
12:55i'm here to oversee a review of nick's strong ass jimps and why would you be reviewing us
13:00oh that's what i wanted to tell you ash is buying in
13:06just like that well subject to due diligence of the company's financials
13:10standard practice for all their investments would you just excuse us for a second nick
13:15i'll be quick
13:24what the hell are you doing nick oh look uh i know i know i should have told you sooner
13:30but it all
13:31happened so fast i mean we went out for a drink and boom he wants to take us national 250
13:37strong
13:38ass jims across the country by 2028 yes i i heard the spiel he was making friends with an nba
13:43star
13:43but we have a good plan nick slow and steady growth he'll commit 30 mil
13:5030 million dollars he's got a whole franchise team we're gonna blow this thing up we don't
13:56know this guy nick well we've got 30 million reasons to get to know him not like this you
14:00take money like that and he'll own you okay calm down there's a process to this okay and why is
14:06he
14:06looking through our books don't you mean my books i want to look at his books you know i want
14:10to talk
14:10to to his bankers i want to check his credit you know i can't let you do this nigga hey
14:16i don't work for you okay okay that's not what i meant matter of fact you work for me no
14:22do you yes yes and it's my job to protect you from deals like this
14:36look man i was an nba champion i don't go from that to run in a gym or or two
14:43gyms i need to
14:45leave a bigger mark than that you're blowing up all over tv nick maybe or maybe the nba makes a
14:51new
14:52network deal and i'm out on my ass in two years you said it yourself barney former athletes have
14:57a window and i know mine will close before i'm ready just like my career did
15:02if i've learned anything it's that when an opportunity like this comes around
15:07i have to grab it you can get on board or you can quit but i'm doing this
15:19gentlemen is there a problem
15:22is there a problem barney mr de mill was it that's right
15:31how can i help now for starters i'm gonna need all your passwords of course you will
16:07the ferry melusine built in 2012 by nereids yachts the apex of nautical luxury if you have
16:15fuck you money you buy a modest entry-level nereids for around three million if you have
16:20fuck it all money you have them design a mega yacht to your custom specifications for a price
16:24on par with a naval destroyer and you give them one directive length overall at 197 feet with an
16:31875 gross tonnage the ferry melusine is powered by caterpillar engines that give her 5 000 horsepower
16:37and a maximum speed of 17 knots nothing lets the millionaires know you're a billionaire like owning
16:44a custom white boat
16:50i gotta take this uh go ahead i'll catch up i'll just be a second yeah bernie
16:55so some news yeah now's not a great time ash is investing in the gym
17:01what you mean he's considering it no no he seems to have already committed and nick didn't tell you
17:07no he did today well can you talk him out of it i was hoping you would it would be
17:14highly
17:14suspicious for his business manager to try to talk him out of 30 million bucks
17:1930 million yeah they're looking at the books as we speak well that's not good are you worried
17:25no you sound worried well i'm worried i might get worried look i'm sure ash is just putting on a
17:32show to let nick know how serious he is about this it's a it's a perfunctory review they won't get
17:37into cash flow it'll be fine we're fine i'm fine i got this
17:43i got this
17:53miss burge is finishing your call
18:09cricket birch made her money the old-fashioned way she inherited it but that didn't make her any
18:13less formidable she was oxford educated boardroom tested and unlike many of her ilk she had actually
18:18grown the principle instead of squandering it which made her something of a unicorn in the financial
18:22world and if the rumors were true uncertain highly exclusive dating apps as well
18:34jack lovely to see you as always to cricket oh you remember andrew cooper hello coop it's been a
18:43minute it has i suppose this old thing shall we
18:54you'll see coop's investment shifts the sizable portion of the funds beta to equity mitigating your
18:59exposure before you i don't need the dogs and pony i've done the math i have to come ready right
19:07all right all right so tell me what can we do to make you more comfortable with this
19:12you can't i mean not really i'll either be comfortable or i won't be
19:18why are we here because you're an old school closer and i love that about you
19:28i've had some strator gabianco escorted from austria for you that's very kind of you
19:35i will definitely try some before we leave oh no you should try it now while it's still fresh
19:58well you've been awfully quiet yeah well jack had a plan yeah to bore me into submission i'm sure
20:08now the adults can speak freely
20:13you first okay well i'm managing a sizable chunk right now if jack did to me what he did to
20:21you i
20:22would be out for revenge not handing his company a management fee on a nine figure investment so
20:27you're going to forgive me from feeling a little suspicious okay well if it makes you feel any better
20:33i've already gotten my revenge you mean the swiss oh don't look so impressed there's very few
20:38secrets in our world
20:44look jack's the devil i know that's all yeah that may be true but it's definitely not all
20:53losing swiss heard him barely had to take the hit and it was a big hit
20:58but somehow jack managed to preserve excelsior's returns you don't need to look so impressed that
21:05you're not the only one that does the math so i don't know what your arrangement is with jack and
21:11i honestly don't really care i just know that excelsior is as close to bulletproof as it gets and
21:17that's where i want to be and it's as simple as that well no but that's the gist of it
21:28i don't want any hot money coop this isn't that no redemption six months in because your investors
21:33don't have the balls for a down market i'm playing the long game and i'm not looking for a partner
21:38i call the shots understood i just want to ride your coattails
21:48i'm having a party tonight can you stay hi uh i need some humble fog double the manchego smoking
21:57goat you know what he's gonna want to breathe right uh which one's the one with the moon in the
22:01title
22:02oh um excuse me one minute hello elena ah chivo y este número elena necesito ayuda
22:15bueno puede esperar porque yo estoy involucrado con el housewarming party de nick me metieron preso
22:22yeah and i was with louis
22:25espérate el luis de feli tú me estás relajando helena yo necesito que tú me saques de aquà rápido
22:32ok bueno yo llegaré en cuanto pueda son 50 mil dólares de fianza
22:4050 mil dólares qué diablo fue lo que tú hiciste ah no no puedo con esta mierda elena elena
23:03andrew cooper
23:05so how long have you been working for mr ashe
23:09long time
23:16uh this is a client excuse me barney can i call you back i need my money okay this doesn't
23:26work like
23:26an atm this is an emergency okay i don't get how it works i need fifty thousand dollars today
23:33that's a bit complicated at the moment complicated how you have all my money i need some of it back
23:39you didn't hold on to any of it you told me i didn't need to
23:43mr jamel would you come take a look at this
23:47uh i'm gonna have to call you back barney do not hang up okay then
23:53i'm gonna have to call you back
23:57uh
23:58I love you.
24:53I don't recall you being such an introvert.
24:58Not really in that crowd.
25:00No, I didn't think so.
25:05You're very different since the last time we saw each other.
25:09Older.
25:11Sadder.
25:15Well, a lot has happened since the last time I saw you.
25:17Yeah, we read about it.
25:19Oh, well, then you know.
25:22Hope you don't hold it against me.
25:23What? With my family. It's nothing.
25:29And you got divorced.
25:30I did.
25:32Was it bad?
25:37It still is.
25:40I'm really sorry, because you're one of the rare faithful ones.
25:45Well, at least where I was concerned.
25:47It was impressive.
25:50Ah, yes.
25:51Well, it turns out there's a whole hell of a lot more to being married than just not cheating.
25:57No.
25:59Do you remember the conference in Berlin?
26:03I remember we were both pretty drunk.
26:05Oh, you're being very generous.
26:07I think I practically threw myself at you.
26:10You somehow managed the trick of getting me home without making me feel rejected.
26:17Well, I get the feeling you don't really suffer from a lot of self-esteem.
26:21Yes, this is true.
26:26Besides, if I would have slept with you, Jack would have fired me.
26:30Jack did fire.
26:30I mean, we lost, you know.
26:38I mean, it was so bad.
26:39You always wouldn't have been here.
26:41It was so cool..
26:42Where did you stay tonight?
26:49Probably for the same reason you asked me to.
30:15Is there anything else you need?
32:43You're right back.
40:02I'll be right back.
41:31We're right back.
42:17We're right back.
42:46Hey, how's the book.
42:50Hey, how's the book.
42:54Hey, how's the book?
42:59Hey, how's the book?
43:22I'm going to represent?
44:20Oh, because of the book.
44:33I'm going to be right back.
44:52Oh, you know, I'll be right back.
45:03I'll be right back.
45:24I'll be right back.
45:29I'll be right back.
46:10I'll be right back.
46:25Hey, how's the book.
46:35I'll be right back.
46:39I'll be right back.
46:41Oh, I'll be right back.
47:08I'll be right back.
47:16I'll be right back.
47:44I'll be right back.
47:47I'll be right back.
48:15I'll be right back.
48:46What?
48:47I'll be right back.
48:54I'll be right back.
49:13I'll be right back.
49:31I'll be right back.
49:37I'll be right back.
49:55I'll be right back.
50:27I'll be right back.
50:48I'll be right back.
51:19I'll be right back.
51:28I'll be right back.
52:12I'll be right back.
52:32I'll be right back.
52:45out of everyone.
52:49you out of everyone.
52:50I'll be right back.
53:38I'll be right back.
54:13I'm sorry.
54:27I'll be right back.
54:44I'll be right back.
55:02I'll be right back.
55:04I'll be right back.
55:43I'll be right back.
56:17I'll be right back.
56:30I'll be right back.
57:18I'll be right back.
57:49I'll be right back.
58:18I'll be right back.
58:20I'll be right back.
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