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Half.Man.S01E01.540p.X265.AAC [Full Movie] [Watch Free Online]Full EP - Full
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Short filmTranscript
00:00Oh
00:53I'm not speaking about this.
00:58You don't have to speak.
01:00You have to listen.
01:03Really?
01:06You picked today.
01:09My fucking wedding.
01:16Come on, Truman, stop messing.
01:21Put your top back on.
01:34Oh, for fuck's sake.
01:45Oh, Niall.
01:53Come here.
01:55Come here.
02:02I'm proud of you, yeah?
02:05You know that?
02:13You look gorgeous, so you do.
02:15I tell you, if I wasn't family, I'd get up and underneath that kilt right away.
02:20No, Ruben, don't.
02:21What?
02:22I tell you, you look gorgeous.
02:24Come on, show me.
02:24There's nothing to show, Ruben.
02:25I've got boxes on underneath, for Christ's sake.
02:27Oh, boxers.
02:28Stop teasing me, you little mate.
02:33Hey.
02:34Yeah.
02:35Come here, look at me.
02:36Look at me.
02:38That's it.
02:41Look at me.
02:44We may not flow through each other's veins, but we flow through each other's brains, you
02:49get me?
02:50Please, I don't think that...
02:50One more time, eh?
02:52For all time's sake.
02:54I just need to hear it.
02:57Before I lose you forever.
02:58You're not serious.
03:01Go on.
03:02Say it.
03:03What am I?
03:08Your brother from...
03:16You're not the lover.
03:21You're not the lover.
03:23Beautiful.
03:52Come on, give us your bag.
03:54Come on, give us your bag.
04:04What is this now?
04:06Oh, fucking stickers.
04:09Indiana Jones.
04:12That film is gay as fuck.
04:14I'm gonna have these.
04:16No, please, Gus.
04:20You can keep one.
04:21Okay.
04:23I'm not on one star.
04:25Pick one.
04:29Second to last.
04:30Good.
04:33Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho.
04:52Open up.
04:59Okay, degenerate, settle down, settle down.
05:05Right, as we know, the prelim exams start this week.
05:10Are we aware of how important they are?
05:16Prelims are your safety net.
05:18For whatever reason, you miss your finals.
05:21You get hit by a bus.
05:22You come down with a bubonic plague.
05:24These exams are your get out of jail with an appeals card.
05:28Have I emphasized their importance enough?
05:34Positively spellbinding.
05:37Right, moving on.
05:39I should probably make you aware that a new student will be joining the class from tomorrow.
05:43One Reuben Pallister.
05:46What?
05:49Something to mark, Kennedy?
05:52No, it's just...
05:54Did you just say Reuben Pallister?
05:58That's right.
05:59A new pupil you can show off your sparkling personality to.
06:04Reuben will be transferring from Pullman Young Offenders Institute.
06:07And will be re-sitting two years.
06:10Which means he'll be a little more feral than the rest of you.
06:13Any questions?
06:17Nobody.
06:18Good.
06:18Open your jars.
06:19We'll pick up where we left off you after the day.
06:22Page 16.
06:26Kennedy.
06:27Did you listen to what I just said?
06:30What?
06:30Yeah, of course.
06:33What did I just say then?
06:37Reuben's back.
06:50Mum, it's Niall.
06:52Honey, I'm working.
06:52What is it?
06:53It's Reuben.
06:54He's out.
06:54He's coming to school.
06:55Look, now is not the time, all right?
06:57He's not staying with us, is he?
06:58We can talk about this when I pick you up.
07:00But, Mum...
07:21You should have said about her then.
07:22Oh, piss yourself!
07:24You're a 15-year-old boy.
07:26Given your life, I don't need to give you respect.
07:32Look, I'm sorry.
07:34Okay?
07:35I should have told you.
07:37I'm keeping with the theme of surprises.
07:39He's moved into your room.
07:42What?
07:42No way.
07:43What did you think that second bed was for?
07:44We were almost begging you to ask.
07:46I thought it was for guests.
07:47He is a guest.
07:48No, he's not.
07:49He's a psycho.
07:50He bit someone's nose off.
07:51I've seen the guy too.
07:52It's horrible.
07:53His wife left him and everything.
08:03Look, you're not to talk about this, okay?
08:05Nobody in this town knows about that.
08:07The last thing that boy needs is folk whispering.
08:09Don't bite people's noses often.
08:11No, shh.
08:11You're not to speak this way in front of Maura, all right?
08:13Oh, you always put her first.
08:15She was only supposed to be living with us for six months,
08:17and now her kid is moving in.
08:18Come on, Mum.
08:19He's a psycho.
08:21Her son getting out is a big deal.
08:22He's been away for two years, for Christ's sake.
08:25This is happening, Niall, so get used to it.
08:28He's been away for two years, for Christ's sake.
09:22Remember me, Bambi?
09:24Last time I saw you, you were about yea high.
09:33Grown at least two feet since then, maybe more.
09:36You've got the exact same size head, though.
09:39Creeping me out a bit.
09:46You helping or what?
09:48We can't have this shit up.
09:50No more for bringing birds home.
09:51Yeah.
09:56Get to it then, Bambi.
09:57Grab a bag, get stuff in.
10:08Take that poster down and put this up.
10:26Put it up then, you dick.
10:54What the fuck are you staring at?
10:58What?
11:00Nothing.
11:24Ah!
11:26Looks like Pallister's a no-show.
11:28Off to a great start.
11:31All right, everyone.
11:32Open your jotters.
11:33We'll pick up from yesterday.
11:44Right, what's going on here?
11:49Kennedy.
11:52Open your jotter.
11:55No.
11:57Open, boy.
12:06Who did this?
12:08Oh, no.
12:09No, no.
12:09Come on.
12:12Uh, me, sir.
12:15You?
12:16You called your own mum a dyke?
12:18No, I called someone else's mum a dyke.
12:21Really?
12:22I know firsthand from your essays.
12:24Your grasp of irony isn't that strong.
12:28So, come on.
12:29Who did this?
12:34My mum is not a lesbian.
12:36I beg your pardon?
12:37I said, my mum is not a fucking lesbian.
12:43Look, come with me.
12:45Go off me, you nods.
12:47What did you say?
12:48Like to touch young boys, do you?
12:50You fucking old poof!
12:53I'm just wondering if there's something else we should be worrying about.
12:56What are you insinuating?
12:57All I'm saying is I've seen a change in Niall recently.
13:00Then what change is that, then?
13:01Look, he's gone from being a committed, gifted student
13:03to one that acts out in most lessons.
13:05Sir, go on.
13:06I know you want to.
13:07Look, we have to call into question Niall's rather unusual state of affairs at home.
13:10You don't know anything about my damn home.
13:28You fucking fucking bastard, man!
13:35Oi, Rook!
13:37I know you're up there!
13:38What?
13:40I've seen about.
13:41I am what?
13:43Okay, waiting!
13:45Is that your dad?
13:46Shut the fuck up.
13:47I'll wait, no conserver!
13:53You're not a muck.
13:55I'm not these fucking muck.
13:57You get down here and explain why you stay with that dite!
14:03And not me!
14:05Ruben, son.
14:07Let's start again, eh?
14:09I think you give your old man a big hug, eh?
14:15I don't think I can't see you, boy!
14:18I see you by the fucking color we've learned before!
14:22I'll get, I'll get, Mum.
14:23I'll be with a bitch!
14:25We're in a bitch!
14:26Don't shoot her.
14:27Fucking deal.
14:31Not a word, okay?
14:33Not a fucking word.
14:38I can't see you by the fucking affection.
14:39Don't shut your mouth.
14:41I'm fine.
14:42You don't tell anyone about this.
14:44Do you understand?
14:45This never happened.
14:46Dad!
14:48Dad!
14:48I don't know.
15:21I don't know.
15:48I don't know.
16:03I don't know.
16:17I don't know.
16:19I don't know whether you heard all that commotion last night.
16:28No, we were asleep.
16:30Both of us.
16:34No, right.
16:35Well, that's okay then.
16:37Ignore me.
16:59What the fuck are you staring at?
17:02Just seeing if you're all right.
17:04Why wouldn't I be?
17:05It's just last night.
17:06Fuck last night.
17:08No, yeah.
17:09Absolutely.
17:10Fuck last night.
17:18So are you nervous or?
17:20How the fuck would I be nervous?
17:21Well, first day of school.
17:23This is Dalkenny.
17:24This is where the fairies go.
17:25Oi, soft cock.
17:27Are you a boyfriend?
17:30Ignore them.
17:32These guys bothering you, Bambi?
17:33Nah, it's just banter.
17:35Big up the young man, do you, you little faggot.
17:38Great banter.
17:42These guys bothering you, Bambi?
17:46I'll ask you again.
17:48Are these guys bothering you?
18:00Is that a knife?
18:01Go to school.
18:02What?
18:02Go to school.
18:03You're not a witness if you don't see what happens.
18:04Look, just fucking go.
18:06Go to school.
18:40And at the heart of this relentless conflict lies a love story.
18:47Ah, Mr. Pallister.
18:49Nice of you to fit us into your busy schedule.
18:52Boys and girls, this is Ruben.
18:54Ruben will be joining us from now on.
18:58Where's your school uniform?
19:00On your mother's floor.
19:02That's enough, everyone.
19:06Disc at the back.
19:10And for the record, my mum's dead.
19:12So extra points for nihilism.
19:20Right.
19:21As I was saying,
19:22two households like families.
19:25Both in a bit of a feud.
19:27You're lying.
19:27Let's go.
19:28I had a look.cond
19:46Hop.
19:48Bye.
19:49Bye.
19:49Bye.
19:49Bye.
19:50Bye.
19:50Bye.
19:51Bye.
19:52Bye.
19:53Bye.
19:54Bye.
19:56Bye.
20:00You've been working out, Niall?
20:02Certainly has.
20:04There's only an inch of space when I cut my hand around his bicep.
20:07Used to be at least two, three maybe.
20:09I'm going somewhere.
20:10No, don't.
20:12Sit down, you little killjoy.
20:24We need you to persuade Rabin to go to the exam tomorrow.
20:27What? No way.
20:28Niall, please.
20:30Do this for us.
20:31What are you doing?
20:34Stop that, I'm not a kid.
20:35That's exactly what you are.
20:37Off me.
20:37Oh, come on.
20:38Do this for me.
20:39Go on, go on.
20:40Niall, I need you to do this.
20:42Come on.
20:43Please.
20:43Come on, just this one thing.
20:46Oh, please.
20:47I said go on me.
20:57I'll take it from you.
21:08Okay.
21:11That's...
21:12You've got a fairly sizable nice fire in the airport.
21:17She's making all the effort in the world.
21:18I don't care.
21:20We're not friends.
21:21We never will be.
21:23Come on.
21:24Fancy the pants off of her when you were a wee in.
21:27Remember the love letters we'd send to her house on Valentine's Day?
21:34Fine.
21:35Fine.
21:35Playtime's over.
21:39Luke, will you speak to him at least?
21:41No.
21:42No, he's terrifying.
21:44Oh, come on, Niall.
21:45You wouldn't believe how hard Maura had to work to get Reuben into Dalkenny.
21:49She changed her postcodes and everything.
21:52He's on probation too, so he needs to show up and pass this prelim,
21:55for the school to kick him out.
22:10I just thought it was one of the very blind children on the design.
22:15Of trouble.
22:18However.
22:23Just as long as I said, no, they would say no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
22:30no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
22:44And it's not not saying one thing, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
22:47no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
22:50no, no, no.
22:54What's just eat?
22:55What, what do you mean?
22:56Am I speaking foreign?
22:57That's what he does.
22:58You tell anyone about this I will put you to sleep.
23:01Do you understand?
23:01I won't.
23:02I mean, I thought it was great.
23:04Thought it was great.
23:06Oh.
23:08Oh.
23:30What do you want?
23:32Just a quick something that's come to me just now, in the moment.
23:39I was thinking about the exam tomorrow.
23:41Fuck off.
23:42Right, you are.
24:10You're dead.
24:12You're dead.
24:18What about him?
24:21How old were you again?
24:26I was eight.
24:28When I died.
24:32What did he do again?
24:39He was a writer.
24:42I don't remember that.
24:45Well, he worked in a pub mainly, but he wanted to be a writer.
24:50And what did he write about?
24:55Working in a pub.
25:04He was really good, though.
25:06I've read all his stuff.
25:08He was so close to getting published in the end.
25:11What stopped him?
25:14Well...
25:16Death.
25:29I swear, I want to give it a shot myself, you know.
25:32You're right, too.
25:34I keep a diary.
25:36That doesn't count.
25:37Try sending that to Anne Frank.
25:38Who?
25:41Who?
25:41No, no.
25:42She was just...
25:45No, it doesn't matter.
25:56What happened to Gus?
26:01He'll survive.
26:07I just thought with the knife you'd done something, you know, really bad.
26:15Almost did.
26:17And I'm up against the wall with it, guppy and like mad.
26:22Whispered, it'll be over soon.
26:25So he thought for a second I was going to stick it in him proper.
26:29It'll be over soon.
26:34Yeah, I love seeing that.
26:37You really get a sense of what a cunt looks like when they think they're going to die.
26:42You sort of infant, like...
26:44It's all innocent and shit, it's weird.
26:48It'll be over soon.
27:00Night, Bumpers.
27:04Night.
27:04Night.
27:17Where's your bulldog now, eh?
27:18A gus.
27:19Not the way you tell us where Gus is.
27:20I don't know.
27:21We know you live with that unbred prick.
27:22You're bound to see something.
27:23We don't talk.
27:25Go on.
27:27Oi!
27:42Leave me alone.
27:46Bye.
27:57Bye.
27:59Bye.
28:01Bye.
28:10Bye.
28:40Let's smoke this son of a bitch!
28:45Pallister, nice of you to join.
28:47Please refrain from shouting out.
28:49It's only prelims.
28:50Where am I sitting?
28:52There's an empty chair there.
28:53Two rows along.
28:54Please move quietly.
29:38All right guys, we have ten minutes left.
29:41Ten minutes?
29:42Get fucked.
29:43Language, Pallister.
29:45I started later than everyone.
29:46Well, I'm afraid the onus is on you there.
29:48Piss off, Jenkins.
29:49I shagged your mum in her onus.
29:53Pallister!
29:53Get back here!
29:56Pallister!
29:57Don't you walk away from me, son.
29:59Oi!
30:00I'm speaking to you.
30:02I'm speaking to you.
30:03Come to me.
30:03I'm eating.
30:24Okay.
30:26I'm taking the heat.
30:27I'm getting water.
30:28I'm eating.
30:30I'm eating.
30:30I'm eating.
30:31I'm eating.
30:31I'm eating.
30:31All right, guys. Not long now.
31:17This girlfriend.
31:18Oh, Jesus. What now?
31:21Reuben passed.
31:23He passed the prelim.
31:26He can stay in school now.
31:29Oh. Really?
31:31Yeah.
31:34You helped him, didn't you?
31:36Oh, no, I...
31:38Last night, I heard you talking.
31:45I mean that.
31:49I know we haven't always seen it eye to eye.
31:52Mainly because you're a little brat who blames me for everything.
31:56I do think you could be a positive influence on my boy.
32:04Thanks.
32:07I think.
32:15Now, that feels weird.
32:18Let's never do that again.
32:20I don't know.
32:50I've got to keep it down.
32:51I've got to keep it down and be sleeping.
33:03Isn't it a bit weird doing this with a wee Nile in the room?
33:06No, I don't care.
33:07I passed the prelims today and I did it in a speck at the time every other fucker.
33:11Stop it, Ruben.
33:11If I swear anymore, I'm going to put my back out.
33:15Shut the hell up.
33:16I thought you said you didn't care about him hearing.
33:18I don't.
33:19I just don't want my mum rubbing one out all week.
33:24Yeah, TV's off.
33:25I want it for you.
33:26Skin.
33:26Skin.
33:27Oh, baby.
33:47Okay, here, here.
34:00I want it for you.
34:01I want it for you.
34:08I want it for you.
34:09Caught you, Nile Kennedy.
34:10What?
34:11No, I was sleeping.
34:12Fuck off.
34:13We saw you.
34:14I wasn't.
34:15I was sleeping.
34:15Liar.
34:16At least admit it, you little scrote.
34:18You were perving.
34:19Pervy little Nile Kennedy, eh?
34:23So, tell me.
34:26Did you see anything that you liked?
34:33Quite something, huh?
34:35Is this the first time you've seen a naked woman?
34:40In the flesh.
34:44And what do you think?
34:48She...
34:49She...
34:49She looks...
34:50What would you do to her now?
34:52If you could have your wife?
34:56Go on.
34:58I...
34:59I...
35:00I would...
35:00I'd...
35:01I'd...
35:01I'd...
35:02I'd ask her for her permission.
35:03Obviously.
35:04Fucking loser, aren't you, Bambi?
35:06Touch my breath, Nile.
35:08What?
35:11Uh...
35:22Here.
35:23Let's see how he's getting on, shall we?
35:25What?
35:26No, no, no, no.
35:27Wait, wait, wait, wait.
35:27No, no, no, no, no.
35:28That's fine, Bambi.
35:30Just relax, okay?
35:31Let her do her thing.
35:47Wow.
35:49Nothing.
35:50What's going on?
35:51You got something against Mona?
35:52Is it my boobs?
35:53What?
35:54No, it's just...
35:55This isn't how I pictured it.
35:57How did you picture it, then?
35:58More than one woman.
36:01That's it, isn't it?
36:03Niall here loves group sex.
36:05No, no, I don't...
36:06Little Niall Kennedy loves a bit of group sex.
36:10Well...
36:11I could assume different characters, if you like.
36:14I could be Candy, a blonde bombshell who lives next door.
36:19Or I could be Svetlana, Russian warrior of the North.
36:25Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho.
36:27She's incredible, isn't she, now?
36:29There's something to keep her.
36:31Uh-uh.
36:32Svetlana is kept by no one.
36:34How's he getting on now, then?
36:37Come on, son.
36:38I got Phil Marks on my Santa grades back in the day, Niall.
36:41I know you love a nerd.
36:45Here.
36:47Just focus on how things feel.
36:49Give me your finger.
37:01Oh, hello.
37:03Here we go, my man.
37:06You ready?
37:08Uh, uh...
37:24Uh...
37:26Uh...
37:28Uh...
37:29Uh...
37:29Uh...
37:30Uh...
37:31Uh...
37:31Uh...
37:31Uh...
37:31Uh...
37:31Uh...
37:32Uh...
37:33That's it, that's it.
37:34Easy boy. Easy.
37:36Steady, steady.
37:42Oh, wow, he's a grower, young Niall.
37:57Sorry.
37:58Back you go, mister.
38:00No, no, no, wait, stop it.
38:01Fighting, you let her do her thing.
38:04Here, I'll hold it up, Brie.
38:06What?
38:16Oh, hold it, sir.
38:18Hold it.
38:20Hold it, my rhythm.
38:41Wow, he's really going for a night.
39:09Oh, fuck's sake, did you just call me?
39:13You fucking did, you mink.
39:15Oh, no, for our feet are all.
39:17Now, son, you need to pull out.
39:18Fuck's sake, I better not be pregnant.
39:20I'm sorry, I didn't mean to.
39:21It just came out of nowhere.
39:23Relax, son.
39:24It's fine.
39:24But, I mean, like, what happens now?
39:29Will I get the virus?
39:32What?
39:36Do you mean AIDS?
39:44Oh, my God.
39:52Lie back, you daft cunt.
40:01So, is that it, then?
40:05That's it, Bambi.
40:26Oh, my God.
40:54I was just thinking,
40:57do you have any
40:58hush?
41:06We can bake
41:07Nile Kennedy
41:09Dark horse, my man
41:18Nile Kennedy, eh?
41:21Sex god
41:21drug fiend
41:23HE SIGHS
41:23HE SIGHS
41:32HE SIGHS
42:14Well, I get the virus.
42:18Oh, I feel like I can do it.
42:22No, you're good.
42:26I know what you did.
42:29As in?
42:31You got him.
42:33Oh.
42:38I've never seen her look at me like that before.
42:42I've seen her cry.
42:44Loads.
42:47You know, but...
42:53I like this.
42:55It works.
43:02What did you make of Mona, then?
43:05Yeah, I liked her.
43:06Yeah, you fucking did.
43:09You can thank me when you're ready.
43:13Someone had to lose your virginity for you, didn't they?
43:17Oh, come on.
43:18You didn't think that was chance, did you?
43:22There's no way a lassie would take time out from sleeping with me to sleep with you.
43:27I set it up.
43:29My way of saying thanks.
43:37So, come on.
43:38Tell me you loved it.
43:43I loved it.
43:45Yeah, you did.
43:49I should run a brothel or something.
43:51I'm like...
43:52the Pied Piper...
43:54of pussy.
43:59I love you.
44:06I love you.
44:10Yeah.
44:15Yeah.
44:17HE LAUGHS
44:18HE LAUGHS
44:25HE LAUGHS
44:27HE LAUGHS
44:30HE LAUGHS
44:34HE LAUGHS
44:35Look, the pine piper are busy.
44:37HE LAUGHS
44:39I'm imagining these massive vaginas
44:43with legs falling around.
44:46HE LAUGHS
44:50HE LAUGHS
44:51He's a man of happy.
44:56HE LAUGHS
45:00HE LAUGHS
45:01HE LAUGHS
45:04HE LAUGHS
45:10I'M entitled
45:14TO ME
45:15HE LAUGHS
45:15WAS Alors
45:16Can I ask you something?
45:18Do you know?
45:22Around Mum's, you know.
45:26Fuck him.
45:31Yeah.
45:32Afraid so.
45:36Does it bother you or something?
45:40No.
45:40Well, I don't really.
45:43As long as they're happy, I guess.
45:47Although they don't seem all that happy.
45:55There's a lot you don't know about.
46:10Yeah.
46:12Got you something?
46:20I'm going to train you.
46:22Just in case something happens to me, I need to know you'll look after yourself.
46:28Why do you care?
46:32We're family now.
46:35It's the most important thing.
46:39My brother, if I'm another lover.
46:48Come on, boys.
46:49School.
46:51Bring those thin bags down while you're at it.
46:56This is going to be some morning.
46:58We'll be floating to school after all that.
47:05Hey.
47:09You've got nothing to worry about with our mums.
47:12Ten years time, you'll be at a party somewhere and realise it makes you more interesting.
47:23Later, Bambas.
47:24I'm sorry.
47:41Oh, God.
47:52Thank you, girls.
47:54I'll beskii.
48:02Just cause I ain't never had no nothing worth having
48:05Never, ever, never, ever
48:12You ain't got no call not to think of what I'm falling
48:15To thinking I ain't too clever
48:23And it ain't not having one thing or not another
48:25Rather neither is it anything, whatever
48:33And it's not, not knowing that there ain't nothing showing
48:36In the eyes of the name of Trevor
48:46Knocked me down with a feather
48:50Clever Trevor
48:56Why browse wonder whether clever Trevor's clever
49:05No, neither, haven't not
49:07Got no right to make a clock out of Trevor
49:21No, neither, haven't not
50:00One more Bambi
50:02Here, have a sip
50:15Hey, easy
50:17Sip, don't chug
50:19Come on
50:21That's it
50:30Jesus
50:33You're dripping
50:37Let's fill this out
50:39We're gonna stay here
50:42All right
50:44Hey, it's gonna be okay
50:47You're gonna be fine
50:51Hey
50:51Hey, it's gonna be all right
50:53Don't, hey, come on
50:55Nile
50:56Please, please
50:57Hey, hey, settle, settle
50:59Settle
51:01Don't do that
51:01All right, settle
51:02No, no, no, no, settle, settle
51:04Just breathe
51:04Hey
51:06Hey
51:06It's fine
51:07No, it's fine
51:09Just settle a bit
51:10Settle
51:12Here
51:13Follow my breath
51:19There's no following my breath
51:21I can't
51:22Follow it
51:22I can't
51:23Try
51:23Yes, you can
51:24You fucking can
51:25Come on
51:25Come on, follow it
51:49Hey, see
51:52You can do that
51:53Yeah
51:56And I say
51:57Go with it
51:57Go with it
51:58No, no, no
51:59That's it
52:00That's it, boy
52:01Just breathe
52:04Okay
52:04I'm here
52:05Just keep breathing
52:10That's it
52:12That's it
52:12That's it, boy
52:15Don't worry
52:18It'll be over soon
52:21I'm here
52:22I'm here
52:30I'm here
52:33I'm here
53:12Transcription by CastingWords
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