- 7 hours ago
Late Bloomer - Season 3 Episode 2
Category
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TVTranscript
00:06You
00:06You don't mention that you're hosting the bunker competition tomorrow. I didn't get visas
00:09Are you kidding me? So why didn't they fly us out?
00:12But they did man like first class too. So then what are we doing sitting in a car at the
00:16board?
00:17We're pocketing the money bro. We'll just chill
00:20All right
00:22Neil, switch with me. You're the least suspicious looking out of all of us. Okay, true
00:31Okay, ow, put your foot on my face. Oh fuck. I forgot my driver's license
00:37Are you kidding me? Well, I brought my passport. I hate having two IDs. It's like so confusing
00:42You're gonna make me talk to the boarder guy? Really? Just come back
00:46Okay, switch off. Let's go
00:48Okay, ow
00:50Asked your foot in my mouth
00:54You guys are tripping man. Just say you go into your cousin's engagement
00:58Bro, I use this goose all the time. Oh, we should say we're shopping at the Buffalo outlets
01:03Bro, what is this? 2006? Okay, yo, everybody shut up. Let me handle this, all right?
01:12Hi, good evening. So, uh, uh, afternoon passports
01:23Citizenships? Canadian
01:26All of you? Yep
01:29What's the nature of your business?
01:30We're going to visit my dance cousin. I'm, uh, uh, dancing to go visit my cousin
01:35We're on a visit to visit my dance cousin to dance with him during my visit
01:42He's getting engaged
01:44I'm not getting paid
01:46Mm-hmm
01:47Nice
01:48Nice set of wheels you got there
01:51What do you do for a living?
01:53Uh, you know, uh, it's online stuff
01:56Just some online stuff, huh?
01:58You got any drugs in the car?
02:01No
02:02How about illegal firearms or explosives?
02:05What? No
02:06You sure about that?
02:08Yeah, I'm sure we don't have illegal firearms or explosives
02:12Okay
02:13I'm going to need you to, uh, pull over and head inside for further inspection
02:16What?
02:17Why?
02:18I don't need to give you a goddamn reason why
02:20Pull over now
02:21Get inside
02:25What the fucking attitude, bro?
02:28You're not supposed to be a prick
02:29We don't have any rights here, man
02:30Just smile and say, yes, sir
02:32We're going to be here all day now
02:33Fuck
02:34This country is like a very masculine energy
02:39Yeah, I'm from Punjab
02:41But my whip, that shit, German
02:42Blue sleeve, 3-5
02:44OG with the bourbon
02:45Bird box, bird bitch
02:46Who don't let the birds in?
02:48Dance moves, Amari
02:48And then I tried picking her up and I couldn't
02:51She grew that much overnight
02:52Blows my fucking mind
02:54Wait, which daughter is this again?
02:56One of the middle ones
02:58Anyways, how are things at home?
03:00Yeah, you know
03:02Dad's away, so
03:03Still me doing everything
03:05What about your new girl?
03:06Uh, she got messy
03:08So I think I'm going to be single for a while, probably
03:11You know what?
03:12You do you
03:15Oh, shit
03:16I totally forgot I have therapy in 10
03:17I gotta go, sonny
03:18Hey, yo
03:20You can use one of my spare offices
03:21I mean, the Wi-Fi is shit
03:23Because these guys watch cracked out
03:24They see reels all day
03:25But it should hold
03:27Really?
03:28Yeah, yeah, it's right there
03:29Okay, thanks
03:30I'll be quick
03:31Yeah, no problem
03:36Shinda
03:37Yo, Shinda
03:40Bro, come on, man, back to work
03:42I'll reel check her, buddy
03:43It's very funny, man
03:45It's not time, man
03:46Load it in the fucking truck
03:48Go
03:49Little back problems
03:54Little break
03:55Yeah
03:56I'm going to break you
03:57You're going to drive the truck
03:58You're going to drive the truck
03:59Yeah
04:00Yeah
04:01Yeah
04:01Yeah
04:02Yeah
04:02Yeah
04:03Yeah
04:03Yeah
04:04Yeah
04:04Yeah
04:08Okay
04:11You're good to go
04:16I guess we're good to fucking go, man
04:17Let's grab the seats and let's roll out
04:19Go where, bro?
04:19The engine's literally on the ground
04:21Fuck
04:22Does any of you know how to put this together?
04:24Is it all-wheel drive?
04:25Yeah
04:26No, I don't know how
04:27Fuck
04:28We're going to be late as fuck, man
04:29Like, fuck
04:30Oh, I told you we should have flown, man
04:32Fuck
04:32Fuck
04:34Okay, you know what?
04:36I know who to call
04:42Yo, Sonny
04:43Yeah, what's up?
04:46Yeah, man
04:50Hey, how come you don't look like a vampire anymore?
04:52Oh, I broke up with my girlfriend
04:55This is all that's left
05:04Yes, babe
05:06I told you I was going away this weekend
05:08Right before we left
05:10How else am I supposed to make money?
05:13Just get Mom to watch him
05:15Holy fuck
05:16Relax
05:16You always do this shit
05:19Fuck, man
05:21Hey
05:23You got a lot of anger in here
05:25I can hold space if you want
05:26This book says that feelings need to be birthed and pushed out of your emotional cervix
05:31What are you talking about?
05:32All right, good news
05:33It's got off the phone, Sonny
05:34He's got a guy coming through the border
05:35And he could just hit your ride with him
05:37Nice
05:37Yeah
05:38Probably take the car, too
05:40Sick
05:40You guys are a good and a half
05:42Oh, wait a minute
05:43Bye, bye, bye, bye, buddy
05:46Everything looks good
05:47You guys are good to go
05:48Here we go
05:49You guys have a safe trip, okay?
05:51Take care
05:53Nice car, by the way
05:54Fucking white people
05:57So why do you feel like you got into that relationship?
06:01I don't know
06:01I just
06:02I don't
06:03I don't even know how I ended up with a guy like Umair
06:06It was nice to be taken care of
06:07You know, I'm used to being the one who takes care of everyone else
06:10Especially at home
06:11I take care of my mom, my younger sisters
06:14My dad was always on the road growing up
06:15So I didn't really have a choice
06:18Well, because you're the eldest, right?
06:20Oftentimes, the eldest child picks up the slack when the parents are lacking
06:23True, but I feel stupid for having Mr. Red Flags with him
06:27That's just not me
06:30So anyways, this is why I'm only going to date women from now
06:34But the most recent time felt kind of boring, I guess
06:37I don't know
06:38Tell me, Chippy
06:40Are you looking for relationships to feel dramatic?
06:44Look, whomever you choose to date
06:45It seems like you need to get to the root cause of why you attract these dynamics
06:52What do you mean?
06:52Well, it just means being accountable for your parents
06:56My, me, I'm the victim
06:58He's the one who needs to be held accountable
07:00Him and all the other men
07:03Right, that's fucking it
07:05Shut the fuck up!
07:07I'm already fucking pissed for being gaslit in therapy
07:09Don't even a lot of fucks have anything else to do?
07:11Holy shit!
07:14Sorry, ma'am
07:15Sorry
07:17Fuck's sake
07:23What's up?
07:23You know, maybe we should just switch gears a little bit
07:28and talk about the anger?
07:30What anger?
07:32Okay, they have this place called Guns and Buns
07:34You can get a gun and a burger
07:36Oh, oh, my gosh
07:38I think this is our truck
07:44Oh, shit
07:44Oh, shit
07:46Come on in, bro
07:46What's up?
07:47Oh, this is my cousin, Jasmeet
07:49And this is his, um, this is his navi
07:57Bro, thank you so much for picking us up
08:00First, first, first, hello
08:03All you Canadian ones say bro a lot
08:05Yo, bro
08:05Toilet, bro
08:07Hemorrhoids, bro
08:08This thing, bro
08:10All right, we're basically just saying paaji
08:12If you think about it
08:13Our bro to paaji ratio
08:15Is the exact same
08:16Paaji this, paaji that, paaji oh
08:19Chanka paaji eh, chanka paaji
08:20Paaji, bro, bro, paaji
08:21Paaji, bro, bro, paaji
08:22There's literally no difference, man
08:24We all have that inner drive to say that word
08:29So, you nervous to host it?
08:32Uh, not really, man
08:34I've done so many of these, it's like clockwork
08:37Too many at this point
08:39Come on, bro
08:40A gig's a gig
08:41You know that, man
08:42I'm sure you'll be great paaji
08:44Thanks, man
08:45So, how long you been driving truck for sunny?
08:48Uh, just under a year
08:51Does he, like, tell you what you're picking up?
08:53Do you know what's back there?
08:54Uh, tires, you know
08:56Usually
08:56Probably
08:57You know, I had to help pay tons of debt
09:00And some medical bills back home
09:03This has been keeping me steady
09:05That's good, man
09:06As long as it's honest work, man
09:07You never know what that guy
09:08Oh, nothing like that, paaji
09:11I'm just grateful to sunny, paaji
09:13He's been keeping me employed
09:15As I look for a job in my field
09:16Wait, you want to get a job in a field?
09:21Yeah, I'm a farmer back home
09:23So, looking for a job in my field
09:25Yeah, yeah, yeah
09:27In his field
09:27In his field
09:28In my
09:29Well, you have to go back there
09:30To work in your field
09:31Are you telling me to go back?
09:32No
09:32No, I mean
09:35Man, bro
09:58Hey, sir, how are you, sir?
10:28How are you, sir?
10:29How are you, sir?
10:32How are you, sir?
10:39How are you, sir?
10:55How are you, sir?
11:20How are you, sir?
11:23How are you, sir?
11:25How are you, sir?
11:28How are you, sir?
11:39How are you, sir?
12:04How are you, sir?
12:10How are you, sir?
12:14Yeah, but that's me
12:16It's, I'm Mr. Swirled
12:17It's literally me on the flyer
12:24oh yeah you look great on that but um yeah no i i still would need to see id
12:30it's policy seriously can we get a selfie please
12:44sure sorry i already bent the rules on the cookie okay yo nubby yeah can you call the organizers
12:52they booked the room under the wrong name yeah just check again man i'm sure they have man
12:56bro just do your job please
13:10hello hello yeah i need one of you guys to come down hello i need one of you guys to
13:15come
13:16these guys can't hear a goddamn thing man they sound drunk and they're partying or some shit
13:20here it gets me hello hey uh it's just me uh just me the guy that's emceeing your competition
13:30bro you gotta get your ass to the mixer right now it's so late right now bro look uh we're
13:35at the front desk right now and you can't check in because the name is yo oh shit they're playing
13:40roger johnson i'm a piano remix hey seriously booked it under mr swirl yeah sorry but he
13:47you can change his name right legally hello
13:58oh
14:13yo hels when is it ball are you kidding me it's just me holy shit
14:20Dude, what are you doing here?
14:23I haven't seen you since, like, sick camp days.
14:25This is wild. Don't you live in Jersey?
14:27Yeah, but I'm here to support my sister.
14:29She's competing.
14:30I was actually kind of hoping I'd bump into you.
14:32You've accomplished so much.
14:33I've been watching you from a distance
14:35like the little stalker that I am.
14:36Really? Okay.
14:38Um, full disclosure,
14:40your videos pop up on my feed, like, all the time.
14:43Wow. Really embarrassed.
14:45Yes, I am also a stalker. I know.
14:48Also, you go by Maya now?
14:50Yeah. Yeah, it's, uh, you know, just to make life easier.
14:53And, uh, also just to remind myself
14:55that everything in life is really an illusion.
14:57Yo, just me.
14:58Okay.
14:59Yo. All right. I'll see you.
15:01Yo, bro.
15:01Okay.
15:02Hey, yo, man. They've got no rooms available.
15:04There's a motel in, like, 30 minutes down the street.
15:06We've got vacancies.
15:08All right, let me call the number.
15:09Wait, you guys don't have a place to crash?
15:11And you're hosting the competition?
15:13Yeah, there's some sort of name mix-up,
15:15and the organizers are all drunk, so...
15:19Well, hey, why don't you take my room?
15:21I'll crash with my sister.
15:23What? No.
15:24No, no, no. Don't be ridiculous, man.
15:25No, trust me. Just me.
15:27She would probably want that anyways,
15:28with how nervous she is.
15:32Uh...
15:33Okay.
15:34Uh, yeah.
15:36Yeah, that'd be awesome.
15:37Thank you. Are you sure?
15:38I'm sure. I got you.
15:39I'll just get my stuff out of there, and you're good to go.
15:41Thank you so much. You're a lifesaver. Oh, my God.
15:44It's nice seeing you.
15:48Damn.
15:49Gonna smash that happy chick away.
15:53What? Manager's gotta eat, too, bro.
15:56Dude.
15:57I kissed the hotel girl.
15:59Really?
16:00What's she taste like?
16:02She tastes like hotel.
16:03Okay, let's... let's go. Get your bags, man. Let's go.
16:06Hotel? What does hotel taste like?
16:11Heading out?
16:12Yeah.
16:13And hey, thank you so much for letting me use your office.
16:16Sorry I was here all day. I just... I got so much work done.
16:19Not just therapy.
16:20Take it.
16:22What?
16:22Take the space.
16:24It's yours.
16:25Whenever you need it.
16:26Design work, therapy, 16 Chapel, the ceiling.
16:30I don't care. Whatever. Free of charge.
16:3316 Chapel, Sonny.
16:35What?
16:35And that's really nice, but why?
16:37Dude, today's been one of the most productive days here in a minute.
16:40Your presence, it's like... it's keeping my guys in line.
16:44Did you pick that shit up from your dad?
16:46Oh, yeah.
16:47You know how many of my dad's scary-ass trucker buddies
16:49that used to get to buy me candy as a kid?
16:51That was cute. Terrifying, but cute.
16:53I mean, just keep acting like the supervisor,
16:55and everything the light touches is yours.
17:00Okay.
17:01Sure.
17:07Not only does Guasha increase your blood circulation,
17:11which makes you look more alive and awake,
17:13but if you add healing stones, this adds an extra healing component.
17:18Now, this specific Guasha is infused with tetrahertz.
17:21I'd like to go ahead and thank Jade Baby for sending me this beautiful Guasha,
17:25and use my code MAYA15 for 15% off.
17:35Hi, Jasmid. How are we doing? Feeling good?
17:39No, we're not happy. Yeah, I'll take care of this, man.
17:42What the fuck was up with last night?
17:43You had us waiting in the fucking lobby, man?
17:46And you out getting fucking drunk?
17:48I'm... I'm sorry. I did the party that we were...
17:51Yo, you really thought his last name was Swirled?
17:54Fuck! Come on, man!
17:55No, I booked it while I was studying for my chem intern.
17:58I'm so sorry.
17:59Sorry's not good enough, Dr. Saab.
18:01And look at this green room.
18:02It's not private, and it's fucking bare, man.
18:05We have chips and water.
18:07What, is this a grade five birthday party, bro?
18:09Hi, what more do you want? Do you...
18:11Like, get us some fucking steak?
18:12Some kebabs?
18:13Some sushi?
18:14Some bottles of fucking Ciroc?
18:16Some crown?
18:17I don't know if I can get all that in time.
18:19No, no, no.
18:19You... you will.
18:21Otherwise, we're not doing the show.
18:23Jasmid is an icon, kid!
18:25House of fucking respect!
18:27Hey, I'll... I'll get right on it.
18:29Yeah, that's right.
18:30Can you believe this fucking guy?
18:33If it was all that necessary,
18:35he was like some vichata college kid.
18:36We can't keep lowering their standards, man.
18:39They'll never respect you
18:40if you let them keep getting away with this.
18:43I'm asking for Ciroc bottles
18:44in the middle of the day.
18:46Yo, manager's gotta eat, too.
18:48Plus, it'll help you get over your pre-show jitters,
18:51you know what I mean?
18:52Damn.
18:54Good luck, guys.
19:02Bro, it's a full house.
19:05There's gotta be like a hundred people out there.
19:07This is a 1400 seat theater, bro.
19:10I don't have my glasses.
19:12Okay.
19:13Ladies and gentlemen,
19:14please welcome the massive internet sensation
19:17and one of the funniest voices of our generation,
19:20the Hark Thrawn himself.
19:23Give it up for...
19:25Tren!
19:27Hey, y'all.
19:28Congrats for 25 years
19:30of the North American South Asian talent competition.
19:34I mean, that's unbelievably huge.
19:35And I would have loved to be there in person
19:37to celebrate this milestone with you guys,
19:39but your boy is guest judging the Masked Singer this week.
19:43I know.
19:44Womp womp.
19:45And I'm still hosting poked up competitions.
19:47Matt, just get out there and do your job, bro.
19:49Just focus.
19:51Love you all.
19:52Make sure you kill it.
19:53And you know what they say?
19:54Graham means love.
19:55Graham, out.
19:58All right.
19:59Now give it up for our host of the night,
20:03Jazby Dutta.
20:04All right!
20:06Yes!
20:07Give it up for me.
20:08That idiot that came out way too early.
20:11Oh, my God.
20:12The way less successful internet guy,
20:15that's not as hot as him.
20:17I'm here with you tonight.
20:19Isn't that fun?
20:21I'm excited.
20:24Oh, man.
20:25I just ran into one of the Pungana teams backstage.
20:28We've got to talk about your names.
20:30First of all, they're way too long.
20:31Okay, the team I ran backstage,
20:33Sone, Gabru, Mitre, Punjab, De, Nacha, De, Has, De, Tapa, De,
20:37Johani, Shera, De, Toronto Division.
20:40Like, that's way too long, okay?
20:43You don't have to put the whole
20:44jubbie dictionary into your names.
20:46You don't need to do that.
20:46You all right, man?
20:47You seem stressed.
20:49So, Janani's brother is always
20:51frickin' trippin', man.
20:53Oh.
20:53Well, as a recent survivor
20:55of an unconscious uncoupling,
20:57I can tell that you're brushing me off
20:59because you're avoiding your emotions.
21:01But, I'm here for you, man.
21:04Bro, like, go and take some pictures, man.
21:06Aren't you the social media guy?
21:08I don't even have my phone.
21:10What the fuck is wrong with you, man?
21:12Just...
21:12Bro, I gotta take this phone call, man.
21:14Just...
21:15God.
21:15I got you.
21:16Hold on.
21:18Oh, man.
21:19Yeah, we got the music, man.
21:20It's an interesting pocket, man.
21:21It feels like we've just now
21:23entered our 2000s era.
21:25We're still, like, 20, 25 years behind.
21:27I mean, everybody's wearing baggy jeans now.
21:30They got one who wore tracksuits.
21:33Jenny's walking around in a pink fur coat.
21:35Like, bro, you're not Cameron.
21:37You know what I mean?
21:39Honestly, the only thing we're missing
21:41is John Rule.
21:42The real John Rule.
21:43Not Dr. Seuss's bootleg John Rule.
21:45I hope he's doing well wherever he is.
21:46But the real John Rule,
21:47hopping on a track and just being like,
21:49He ought to don't care.
21:51Murder!
21:51That's the only thing.
21:53But we're gonna have fun, regardless.
21:55So, let's give it up for our first team.
21:58I'm not saying their name.
21:59Before we talk about this,
22:00put your hands together.
22:02Let's do it!
22:03Woo!
22:08Healed it.
22:22Why is this guy always on his phone?
22:24He must be using so much data.
22:26He's using my hotspot.
22:36Let his stuff get!
22:44Woo!
22:44Yo!
22:45Shout out to my boy Yay spells,
22:47for killing it tonight.
22:48Woo!
22:50We today,
22:51and all you sexy fucking girls.
22:53I fucking love throwing up competition.
22:55Woo!
22:56Shots baby!
22:58Woo!
23:01Yeah!
23:02Shots too beard.
23:04Yo, can you tell your manager to be careful?
23:06The deposit in this room is really steep.
23:09Woo! Shots!
23:14Shit, yo, it's my wife. Hey, everybody, shut the fuck up!
23:19Hey, babe.
23:21Yeah, no, I'm just, I'm here with the boys.
23:24We're just, we're just about to go to sleep.
23:27Yo, there's no one in the room.
23:29Yo, shut the fuck up!
23:33Yeah, no, I didn't put it on mute.
23:37What are you talking about?
23:39Hey, let me go to a better area, okay?
23:42Yo, man, take care of the girls, okay?
23:45Yeah, yo, why are you always tripping, man? Like, seriously.
23:53It's tripping.
23:54All right, I'm going to take care of the girls.
23:58Hello?
23:59Uh, hi, do any women here need water?
24:04No?
24:05Just let me know if any of the guys are acting aggressive or inappropriate.
24:11I'm here.
24:12Yo, how'd it go?
24:14Uh, I don't know, man. I just feel like I'm on autopilot at these things.
24:17So then why do you still do them?
24:19So nobody can get away from his wife for the weekend?
24:21Like, what else am I supposed to do?
24:22Put yourself in new places, you know?
24:24Well, sometimes you might find a creative spark in the random spots.
24:30Yeah, I guess you're right.
24:32Oh, dude, guess who I ran into?
24:34Who?
24:35My first kiss.
24:36Where?
24:37At the competition.
24:38Isn't that crazy?
24:39And I think she might be single.
24:41So what are you doing? Still talking to me, loser?
24:43Go, find out.
24:44All right, I'm going to get out of this black-ass after party.
24:46I'll talk to you later, eh?
24:46Peace.
24:49Okay, bye.
24:53Shit!
24:54I might just have to make official uniforms for my guys.
24:56These designs are sick.
24:57Yeah?
24:58Yeah.
24:58Thanks, honey.
24:58Okay, well, look, I'll send you an invoice to get the work started.
25:01Yo, I give this girl a free office and somehow I'm getting charged?
25:05Is that what you're learning in therapy?
25:07Some reverse psychology shit?
25:09I like this.
25:28Sometimes I feel like my wife fucking hates me.
25:30Like, I just want to live and enjoy life.
25:33I probably don't even love her anymore.
25:35She probably doesn't even love me.
25:38We were never fucking compatible.
25:40I am so proud of you for opening up to me.
25:44Only stay together because of the kids.
25:47That's the way I was raised.
25:48We don't do divorce, you feel me?
25:51But I feel so trapped, man.
25:54So alone.
25:55Here.
25:56Here.
25:57This is a huge first step.
26:00Okay?
26:01You can't heal what you can't name.
26:04Fuck.
26:06You're so chill or whatever, man.
26:08Like, thank you, bro.
26:09Here.
26:12One sec, one sec, man.
26:13I forgot to do this.
26:14Hey!
26:15Get the fuck out!
26:16He's having a breakthrough, man.
26:21Hey.
26:22I love you.
26:26Don't say that, man.
26:27I'm like, I barely know you.
26:40Wow.
26:41Look who it is.
26:43Hiding out from your rabbit pen?
26:45Uh, I'm just taking a little break.
26:47Enjoying the view.
26:48Mmm.
26:49So, how did you like it?
26:51It was good.
26:52It was good.
26:53Your, um, auntie jokes were, uh, so fresh.
26:56Oh, my God.
26:57I don't know you're going to torture me.
27:00Hey, um, can I be honest with you?
27:03Sure.
27:04I feel like you have funnier stuff you could be doing.
27:09Wow.
27:10Yeah, no, you're right, but it's just, it's in the right crowd.
27:14Okay.
27:15Well, when you find the right crowd, let me know.
27:17I'll come watch.
27:19You're going to come all the way up to Toronto?
27:21Yeah.
27:22Really?
27:23Yeah.
27:23You know, Toronto's actually next on my list.
27:27Okay.
27:27Okay.
27:29Well, if you ever need a place to crash, I can return the favor.
27:34Oh, okay.
27:36Well, I might actually take you up on that.
27:38Okay.
27:42It reminds me of when we, uh, snuck out to watch the stars that night.
27:47Oh, my God.
27:48Wow.
27:49That was crazy.
27:51Yeah.
27:53You know, that was actually my first kiss.
27:57Mine, too.
27:58Really?
27:59Yeah.
28:01Hmm.
28:03Also, I totally didn't apologize for how much spit and slobber and much rule I got all over
28:09your face, so I was new at it, actually.
28:11All good.
28:12And I'm way better now.
28:14Oh.
28:14Yeah.
28:15Hmm.
28:16Well, I'll be the judge of that.
28:18Yeah.
28:20Mm-hmm.
28:21Mm-hmm.
28:24Mm-hmm.
28:25Mm-hmm.
28:27Mm-hmm.
28:29Mm-hmm.
28:29Mm-hmm.
28:29Mm-hmm.
28:30Mm-hmm.
28:30Mm-hmm.
28:31Mm-hmm.
28:37Well?
28:39Oh, it's like, uh, 10% less wet.
28:44Okay.
28:45That's an improvement.
28:46Maybe if I keep practicing, I'll, uh, I'll get there.
28:48Oh, you want to keep practicing?
28:50Yeah, practice makes perfect.
28:51Oh.
28:53Yeah.
28:53It's the only way to perfection.
28:55You're right.
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