- 1 hour ago
Virgin Island - Season 2 Episode 1
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00:04I'm nervous. I'm going to take it one step at a time. I'm absolutely petrified.
00:10Twelve virgins are travelling to a unique island retreat that could change their lives forever.
00:18This is maybe the strangest day of my life.
00:21Being a virgin at the age of 22 feels very lonely. I've just sort of given up all hope.
00:28In a world saturated with sex, more young adults than ever are caught in an intimacy epidemic.
00:35The thought of having sex with someone...
00:37...scares me. It gives me the ick.
00:39I don't feel confident.
00:40I'm missing out.
00:41Terrified of the thought of it.
00:42Nerve-racking.
00:43Gut-wrenching.
00:44Embarrassing.
00:45All I think about is what I'm going to get wrong.
00:48Can you point to the outer labia?
00:51Nope.
00:54Now...
00:54Oh my god!
00:56...for getting a crash course in intimacy.
00:59Social media, porn, dating apps. There are so many negative messages and we can help them blossom.
01:06Use it by stimulating the area.
01:08Guided by a team of experts.
01:10You see yourself as...
01:12Propulsive.
01:13They'll confront their insecurities.
01:15I'm hiding. How upset actually do you feel?
01:18Exploring intimacy.
01:21In every form.
01:23Yes.
01:24Yes.
01:24Good.
01:26And maybe...
01:27Do you want to put a condom on?
01:29Have sex with a trained therapist.
01:32Desperate times call for desperate measures.
01:35Or even one another.
01:37Why are you nervous around me?
01:38I don't know.
01:39That's so good.
01:41I really do need to change my life.
01:43The question is...
01:45Get a room, guys!
01:46...who will finally be ready...
01:49I just like get a bit anxious.
01:51...to go all the way...
01:53Touching me here again?
01:54Mm-hmm.
01:54...on Virgin Island.
02:04It is such a beautiful day to show up on the island.
02:08It's perfect.
02:09For the next three weeks...
02:11Hi!
02:12Hi!
02:13This groundbreaking retreat will be home to 12 young people.
02:17Would you like a hug?
02:18Yeah, go on then.
02:20From all over the UK...
02:22Hello!
02:23You must be Teagan.
02:24Yes.
02:24...who need help.
02:26Well, I didn't fall in the sea, so I've done better than I thought I was going to do.
02:31I've never kissed anyone.
02:32I've never dated anyone.
02:33I've never had sex with anyone.
02:35I am a grade A virgin.
02:37My life just can't go on like this.
02:39I just need to take your phone.
02:40Yes, of course.
02:42The retreat's rules include a full break from the pressures of technology.
02:46So you can just, like, dive in.
02:48Yeah, yeah, yeah.
02:49You see sex everywhere.
02:51Sex sells is the old cliché.
02:53Be it from social media, porn.
02:56But always playing on my mind is that I can't get an erection.
02:59Being a virgin at the age of 28, I feel almost a failure in many ways.
03:07The group will live on the island for three weeks.
03:10Oh, this is your recommendation.
03:13Totally cut off from the distractions of modern life.
03:16Go ahead and get settled.
03:17OK, there's clothes there.
03:20Including the pressures of their appearance.
03:22Oh, wow.
03:24They're giving off jungle vibes.
03:26I've always hated my body and I've got badly bullied over it in the past.
03:31I'm terrified to be naked in front of someone.
03:35It does make me cry when I think about it.
03:38Yeah, it makes me really upset.
03:46Before the course begins, the group have a chance to get to know each other at the hangout.
03:50Hello.
03:53Callum.
03:54I'm Katie.
03:55Hi.
03:55Nice to meet you.
03:56Where are you from?
03:58Blackpool.
03:59From Peterborough.
04:00Peterborough?
04:01Yeah.
04:02Shit hole.
04:05I literally don't do anything other than sit on my computer 24-7.
04:10I'm definitely addicted to gaming.
04:13I don't really interact with any girls.
04:16It makes me feel alone.
04:19Where are you from?
04:21Oh, sorry.
04:22Born in the UK, but raised in South Africa, but live in the UK.
04:26I instantly don't trust men.
04:29Alex, nice to meet you.
04:30Hi.
04:30It makes me a bit sad, and I don't really know what to do about it, to be honest.
04:36So, how old are you?
04:38I'm 28.
04:39You're 28.
04:40I'm 23.
04:41I'm 22.
04:4226.
04:43I'm quite robotic with women.
04:46I've had no girlfriends.
04:48It's just a bit sad, isn't it?
04:50We've got another person.
04:51Hi.
04:52Oh.
04:52Hiya.
04:53With sexual intimacy, I feel a little bit broken.
04:58I can't have sex.
05:00I have a condition called vaginismus.
05:03If somebody tried to touch my vagina, it would be pain, and it would be discomfort, and I'm living life
05:08in fear.
05:09The way that you're seen as a woman who can't physically have sex is like, what's the point?
05:18One of the reasons that people are not having sex is there's just a lot more self-consciousness.
05:22Everybody's being watched all the time, you know, by their parents, by social media, by their friends.
05:27Hello.
05:28So we're seeing a lot more people just not getting out there and connecting.
05:32There's lots of fear around being canceled, and they're terrified of failing.
05:37But we got amazing results last time, and I have really high hopes for this new group of virgins.
05:44Hi, everyone.
05:45I'm Ellen.
05:46Ellen.
05:46Nice to meet you all.
05:48How old are you?
05:50Um, 35.
05:53Wow.
05:53Only just.
05:54I don't want to get to 40 and still be the virgin.
05:59The expectation of, you're married, you've got kids.
06:03And at 35, I haven't got those things.
06:06I feel like a freak, really.
06:08And, like, I've, you know, let people down.
06:12Yeah.
06:14So is anyone else in the LGBTQ plus community?
06:18Obviously.
06:18Yeah, you can't be the only gay on the island.
06:21Trust me or not.
06:22I grew up in a very traditional town.
06:25There wasn't a lot of open queer people.
06:27When I knew I was bi, I didn't tell my parents.
06:31I was actually quite scared.
06:33I identify as bisexual, but I'm quite a late bloom.
06:37At school, it was a discussion about masturbation.
06:41I thought it was a game show.
06:43I thought it was mastermind.
06:46Hello.
06:47Hello, hello.
06:48My name's Ed.
06:48I want to seek to want to know first.
06:50What's your star sign?
06:53That's always a question.
06:56I feel like an outsider a lot of the time.
06:59The big part of that is my disability.
07:01I was born by a right pectoral.
07:03Restricted movement in my wrist and my arm.
07:06It has impacted the way I am.
07:08I wouldn't have the confidence to talk to girls.
07:11I find it really hard.
07:14Hey.
07:15You're the last one.
07:16Oh, my name's Will.
07:17I've just turned 30.
07:19I'm a virgin.
07:21Being a virgin, it's like something I'm proud of.
07:24Something I experienced when I was younger is premature ejaculation.
07:27I fear that may still be an issue now.
07:29So I think when I have sex for the first time, it's going to be really quick.
07:34The idea of having sex is a far away dream for me.
07:38Yeah, yeah, yeah.
07:39I don't have a girlfriend ever.
07:41Same.
07:41Yeah.
07:42One of the nicknames I have is Posh Bertie.
07:46I'm a very well-spoken individual.
07:49I've not told anyone that I'm a virgin, but I think people would guess,
07:54yeah, he's a virgin to me.
07:57Definitely feel one step behind everyone.
08:01Yeah.
08:01Yeah.
08:02The group knows the weeks ahead won't be easy, but they have a determination to change their
08:08lives.
08:09Breathe into your own body.
08:12This unique course has been created by pioneering sex therapists, Celeste and Danielle.
08:19And let it out.
08:22The ethos at the retreat is very supportive.
08:25There's so much for them to learn.
08:27We have new exercises, new experts and some special surprises.
08:35Supported by a team of sex therapists from across the globe.
08:40Trained in a range of touch-based therapies.
08:43Which finger would you like to enter me with?
08:45They'll address the group's anxieties.
08:48She is terrified of lowering the mask.
08:52And push them to their limits.
08:55Amazing.
08:57Hidden away on the island are dedicated therapy spaces.
09:01And private bedrooms where they'll begin to explore intimacy.
09:06I'm hoping that everybody gets to find out who they are as a sexual being,
09:10regardless of being a virgin.
09:12But it is going to be a huge challenge.
09:16Each phase of the course will challenge the group like never before.
09:26As they take their first steps towards sexual connection.
09:39And it all starts here.
09:47By confronting one of the biggest barriers to intimacy.
09:54Shame.
09:58Welcome to Virgin Island.
10:00We're so excited to have you here.
10:02This phase is all about shame.
10:06Shame really interrupts pleasure.
10:10And so we are shame warriors.
10:13We want to wipe away the shame that gets in your way.
10:17If I could shake off the shame of being a virgin, I'd feel a lot happier in myself.
10:23I feel judged.
10:25And it's not something that I talk about, really.
10:31First, Celeste and Danielle will perform an intimate demonstration,
10:35designed to reveal the group's level of awkwardness and shame.
10:39So, this demo is called Pillow Talk.
10:44There's a bed.
10:45Oh my gosh.
10:46I'm starting to feel a bit sick.
10:47Terrified.
10:48We want to find out who is comfortable watching intimacy and the different kinds of talk and touch that come
10:55with romance,
10:56that come with passion, that come with erotic energy.
11:01Oh my God, your eyes are so beautiful and sexy.
11:07And the way you hold yourself turns me on so much.
11:11I think I'm going to have to smell you.
11:19I feel so lucky.
11:24To be able to touch you.
11:40Any feelings watching it?
11:47It's quite weird having to watch it with other people.
11:49It's a bit...
11:50Yeah.
11:51I think I just feel a little bit guilty.
11:53I think the idea of watching this and then being asked to do that, that's sinful.
12:03Growing up as a Christian, you kind of feel you should be one way, which is usually a very good
12:09way.
12:09I have to be kind, I have to be soft, but I have a sexual side to myself.
12:15It kind of brings on these feelings of shame and fear because you feel you're doing something sinful for wanting
12:22to experience pleasure.
12:23And I don't see a light at the end of the tunnel right now.
12:28We all have ideas and judgement and what we think we should be and all those interventions frees us up.
12:37The best way to work your way out of shame is to start to get a different reaction to shame.
12:45To help the group do that.
12:47You are going to get your scratch on.
12:50No, I ain't doing that.
12:53Celeste and Danielle start with a series.
12:55I am folding my arms.
12:58This is just so awkward.
12:59Of deliberately uncomfortable exercises.
13:03Now, I'm going to be choo choo trained.
13:06Oh my God.
13:10I see myself as very socially awkward and sometimes weird.
13:18Shake it, shake it, shake it.
13:19I was diagnosed with autism.
13:22I get nervous. I get stressed.
13:24My eye contact goes all over the place.
13:27Being a virgin, you just feel very isolated and you feel very ashamed of yourself.
13:34After the warm-up, Celeste and Danielle raise the stakes with a more challenging physical exercise.
13:41So I want a brave volunteer.
13:45Somatic therapy is not just focusing on the brain, it's helping people in a more physical, experiential way.
13:51I'll do it.
13:52Go on, man. Go on, Alex.
13:55For 28-year-old graduate Alex, going first is a chance to face his fears.
14:01Anxiety has played a massive part in my life.
14:03Going to private school, I put myself under a lot of pressure that if I didn't perform my best, I'd
14:08feel I'd let people down.
14:09I never really knew how bad it was until I tried to have sex and was too nervous to do
14:14it.
14:14Anything less than perfect is not good enough for me.
14:17So I'm going to start by touching you for my pleasure and then you're going to touch me for your
14:23pleasure.
14:24I'm starting by connecting with myself and feeling my body.
14:47You want to try?
14:51Yeah, sure.
15:07Was I okay?
15:08Really feeling it in your body, that's what we're going for.
15:13After Alex's attempt, others step up to give it a try.
15:19You might do it a bit harder.
15:21Harder?
15:25While some get to grips with the exercise.
15:30How does that feel?
15:31It feels nice.
15:33Others can't even bear to watch.
15:47Are you okay?
15:49No.
15:55You can all stand clean if you want.
15:57It's okay.
15:58Are you all right?
15:59Yeah.
16:08Anyone else?
16:09Want to give it a try?
16:13Counting one.
16:15Counting two.
16:18Counting three.
16:20No.
16:23Oh my God.
16:24That was hard.
16:25Personally, that was a little bit creepy.
16:28I need to be able to be confident in myself to do the whole touching exercise.
16:31I believe the cool kids call it riz.
16:34I need to have good riz.
16:36At the start, like, when they was doing all the boom, boom, boom, boom, you know?
16:40Oh, that, yeah.
16:41I thought we'd have to do that to each other.
16:42I was genuinely...
16:44Not today.
16:45That's intense for our first workshop.
16:47To throw yourself in as much as possible, to experience all these cringe things and embarrassing
16:51things was a struggle.
16:52Joy, if you don't mind me asking, why was it so hard for you, the whole touching thing?
16:57Why did you get, like, a bit of a reaction to it?
17:00Mm-hmm.
17:01You got one talk?
17:03Yeah, not really.
17:03No worries.
17:05That workshop was such an emotionally intense experience.
17:08To come on the island day one and be expected to have some kind of erotic energy is a really
17:13hard thing for me.
17:15I didn't realise how uncomfortable that might make me feel.
17:18Um, next time, I would walk out.
17:32It's so beautiful.
17:33Yeah, it is, isn't it?
17:34Oh!
17:35Come here, come here!
17:36Lizzie!
17:37Oh, my God!
17:38I've never seen a lizard before.
17:40Eww!
17:41Oh, I don't like it.
17:42Come out at night and nibble you.
17:44I might have to tuck my trousers into my socks in case it crawls up my leg.
17:48Yeah, and he's gone.
17:51It's halfway through day one on Virgin Island.
17:54I don't want to name exact figures, but I think it was, like, one in eight people
17:57Virgins at 25.
17:58So, in a room this big, it's, like, one in a bit of people.
18:01Well, I think in this room it'd be four twelve.
18:04On an island, on a Virgin Island.
18:09Every day, the experts gather to evaluate progress
18:12and work out which therapies will be most effective.
18:16It's very interesting to see how they reacted to different exercises.
18:21Oh, they've got a one-on-one session here, guys!
18:23Oh, my God!
18:25Afternoons are dedicated to individual therapy sessions
18:28for those working through specific intimacy issues.
18:32I don't know if I feel more calm or more stressed.
18:35Yeah.
18:37Everybody has this fear, like,
18:39oh, my God, it's going to be so scary or uncomfortable,
18:41but you have to completely rewire your brain
18:44in order for change to really happen.
18:47Hi, there.
18:47Hi.
18:49How do you feel?
18:51Kind of on edge, I guess.
18:52Mm-hmm.
18:53The more you can be honest and drop into your truth
18:56without too much humour...
18:57Yeah, I can't promise you that.
18:58..that is going to allow us to go somewhere.
19:00Oh, I don't like this.
19:02I don't like crying.
19:03I feel like I just can't relax.
19:04I'm still really scared and I'm not sure why.
19:10Out of all the reactions from this morning,
19:13the experts were most struck by our joys.
19:16When Will and Marianne were touching,
19:19I could see her, some tears came out.
19:22She really struggled with that.
19:28Some came up for you today in the workshop.
19:31Well, I feel like I have this weight on my shoulders
19:33of, like, I'm a Christian.
19:34You have to be good.
19:35Yeah.
19:35And experiencing sexual pleasure for, like, for fun.
19:38Mm-hmm.
19:39How is that good?
19:40Yeah.
19:41But it isn't just feelings of religious shame
19:44that are holding joy back.
19:46I know I have a sexual side to me.
19:48Mm-hmm.
19:48But I have vaginismus.
19:51Vaginismus is a condition related to your pelvic floor
19:55and also has a psychological fear component
19:58around the idea of insertion or entry.
20:01The moment I realised that I had vaginismus,
20:03it was like this whole idea of a sector of my life
20:06that could be just closed up.
20:09I can't wear a tampon, I can't do a pap smear,
20:11and I definitely can't have sex.
20:13It's just, it's so hard.
20:16At one point, like, I literally thought
20:18that God cursed me with vaginismus.
20:20I thought he, like, I thought he did it to me
20:22to stop me from having sex.
20:24And I feel like it's hard to, like, undo that feeling.
20:30Maybe that first piece is about pleasure being good.
20:39I'm really tight.
20:41I'm really, like, anxious.
20:42I feel like I'm like, no, it's not.
20:44No, it's not.
20:44No, it's not.
20:45And that clench happens probably
20:48all the way into your vagina.
20:50So I want you to feel all of the tightness
20:52and the clenchedness.
20:53And then you can feel the, the contrast.
20:57Let's feel the clench.
20:58And then, ah.
21:08Like a little shakiness happened in your, did you feel it?
21:12Mm-hmm.
21:12Yeah.
21:13You know what that is?
21:14What?
21:14It's like a little, tiny release of trauma.
21:17Oh, wow.
21:18From all the holding.
21:21You deserve to have that circuit of pleasure.
21:30Shame gets in the way of sexual intimacy.
21:33And you cannot get to the other side of shame
21:35until you expose it.
21:37I feel a bit, like, in shock.
21:39It was, it was quite intense.
21:41I just hadn't even realized
21:42all the tension I'd been holding in my body.
21:44It just made me realize, like,
21:45how much I need this experience.
21:51For a gold star lesbian,
21:53my mind's constantly in the gutter.
21:55What's a gold star lesbian?
21:56A gold star lesbian is someone
21:57who has never had sex with a man.
21:59Ah, okay.
22:00The thought of a penis going near me scares me.
22:02In a way that's like, ew, get away.
22:04Nothing to do with you guys.
22:06No, no.
22:06I get that.
22:07I'm like, anything below their tummy,
22:09I'm like, nope.
22:10I mean, you probably all have amazing penises,
22:12I'm not saying that.
22:14Oh, my gosh.
22:15It doesn't matter because I come so quick, don't matter.
22:22As the group starts to bond...
22:24Oh, this is really, like,
22:26giving hippie vibes, isn't it?
22:28Celeste and Danielle aim to push them
22:30further in the next exercise.
22:31Hello.
22:33To help release their shame once and for all.
22:38All right, well, as we said,
22:39this part of the course is all about shame.
22:42What we want you to do is write in your notebooks
22:45all the negative things people say about you
22:48and all the self-critical thoughts
22:50you keep repeating to yourself.
22:52We really need to get them out
22:54so that we can take the power away from them.
23:00Be careful.
23:02The group have been sent off in pairs
23:04to share their shame words.
23:06It's difficult.
23:07Yeah, I'm not exactly an open book.
23:10People see me as fat, ugly.
23:14And as they identify their insecurities...
23:16I don't like how I'm not at all that good socially.
23:21It's why I've never been on a date before, really.
23:25Yeah.
23:25..their barriers come down.
23:27Ugly.
23:28Unattractive to girls.
23:31Have been able to get a date in years.
23:33My anxiety, particularly around intimacy
23:36and interacting with women.
23:39I...
23:39..worry that I'm just not good enough.
23:44But 23-year-old Katie...
23:46Bad things people are saying about me.
23:48..is writing more than most.
23:51I was once labelled the ugliest girl in school.
23:54Oh, my God.
23:55Erm...
23:56..a whale, fat slash obese, ugly,
23:59a liar, monster disappointment.
24:02And frigid because I've never gotten with anyone before.
24:06Yeah.
24:10I know how it feels to have something horrible said to me.
24:14Sometimes I look in the mirror to make myself upset
24:17because I need a good cry and it works.
24:20I don't think there's ever been a time
24:22where I truly have felt good in my looks.
24:27Ever.
24:28No.
24:29Are those things people have actually said about you?
24:31To my face or online, where I've seen?
24:34Online?
24:35Yeah.
24:35People that I know in person.
24:37Oh, my gosh.
24:38In my life.
24:38Yeah.
24:39I've commented publicly.
24:42Yeah.
24:42Oh, my gosh.
24:43I'm so sorry.
24:53Figuring out the words, though, is only half the exercise.
24:57How did you find that...?
24:59It was quite challenging.
25:01I was going to say the same.
25:02Yeah.
25:02It was quite hard.
25:03So, Joy, this one's for you.
25:05Mm-hmm.
25:06Now the experts want them to write their words down on a T-shirt to confront and let go of
25:11their self-doubt.
25:12I'm going to invite you to narrow down from all the things that you've written, which ones hold the most
25:19emotion, so that you can create a T-shirt that's a symbol of all of that.
25:24Mm-hmm.
25:25Mm-hmm.
25:27Mm-hmm.
25:27I'm scared that I'm going to get upset.
25:29Thinking back about all the memories and stuff from school and all the bad things that I got told, and
25:35I say to myself, it's quite difficult.
25:41But I really do want to be able to get as much out of this as I can. It's scary,
25:47though.
26:03Good morning.
26:04Good morning.
26:05Good morning.
26:06Good morning.
26:06Hey, you guys. How are we going?
26:07Good morning.
26:09Ooh.
26:09We've got raisins.
26:11Don't tell me you're eating a lemon.
26:12I like lemon.
26:15It's the morning on Virgin Island.
26:19I'm really nervous for today.
26:20And the sessions are set to become even more revealing.
26:24As we go through this phase, I do feel quite a big shame over myself, so I'm a little bit
26:31apprehensive.
26:32I was so nervous at first workshop. My heart was going. I didn't realise how nervous I was.
26:36Sex and intimacy are meant to be natural and experienced by lots of people and enjoyed, whereas me, I sort
26:41of feel scared of them.
26:42Let's go.
26:44I have no idea how far I'm going to go with this. You know, it's only going to get more
26:49intense from here.
26:53Having faced many hard truths...
26:55Hello.
26:57..Celeste and Danielle's next exercise will challenge the group even further.
27:02Oh, dear.
27:03What is this?
27:04Bad.
27:04Oh, no.
27:06..with some exposure therapy, Virgin Island style.
27:10Society gives these negative messages to us about what it means to be a sexual being.
27:15So it's really important to get comfortable with intimacy.
27:21Today, you're going to be exploring erotic life drawing.
27:26Erotic drawing.
27:27We're going to invite our lovely models.
27:30There they are.
27:31Here they are.
27:33The only time I've seen vagina or boobs is off, like, Sticky Vicky when I went to Benidorm.
27:39That is probably the only time I've ever really seen it in real life.
27:43I've seen some images online and I'm like, oh, actually, penises are a bit ugly.
27:49I know the different parts and the names of the female anatomy.
27:54But, do you know, I genuinely don't think I've seen one in person.
27:59I'm the most white meat virgin you could possibly meet.
28:04Don't hide.
28:05Keep your eyes open and be curious.
28:24Oh, my God.
28:25So many naked parts right now.
28:28So I don't want you to worry about showing off your artistic talent.
28:31It's really about looking at a naked body and letting yourself feel the sensuality of that.
28:37Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh.
28:41Just draw.
28:44Stop this.
28:46Oh, we got this.
28:48We're expecting to see some discomfort, embarrassment, to be exposed to naked bodies.
28:56We can really see the comfort level.
29:00Stop making me laugh, Jason.
29:04Embarrassing.
29:08I can't tell you what's wrong.
29:11All I can see is vaginas and boobs.
29:17Whilst the sight of naked bodies has everyone giggling awkwardly...
29:21I really feel uncomfortable.
29:24..Ellen is struggling the most.
29:30Growing up, my parents would never talk about sex.
29:34And at the time, there wasn't the internet as there is now.
29:38I'm in my 30s.
29:39I am gay.
29:40And I've not had a relationship and I've not had experience around sexual intimacy.
29:46Sex.
29:46It's something that I feel anxious about.
29:53Don't want to do it.
29:55No-one is seeing mine because it is absolutely terrible.
29:59You don't have to show me if you don't want to.
30:01One second sneak peek.
30:03Done.
30:04Can I have a two seconds sneak peek?
30:06So we really want to thank our beautiful models here.
30:13Any thoughts that you want to share?
30:19I was instantly like, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, I shouldn't be watching this.
30:22I felt the discomfort of that.
30:25Yeah.
30:30It felt like you were literally watching like a group porno.
30:33I was like, oh, I want to look, but I was like, oh, it feels wrong to look.
30:35Yeah.
30:36Nudity felt a bit too soon for me.
30:40Despite being the oldest of the group.
30:43Can you kiss someone?
30:44Do you do it with your eyes open or your eyes closed?
30:47Please don't be that person.
30:50Ellen's lack of experience is clear to everyone.
30:55She was having a hard time to look at you.
30:57Yeah.
30:58I'm excited to have a session with her to introduce her to the first steps of intimacy.
31:04With a storm approaching, Ellen's feeling a little blustered.
31:09Hello.
31:10It's windy.
31:16Ellen.
31:18You have a sexy smile.
31:20Okay.
31:23Lou had a tiny, tiny little exchange of erotic energy.
31:27Yeah.
31:28Okay.
31:28Did you feel it?
31:29Um, no, but I guess I don't know what that feeling is because I've not experienced it before.
31:37Yeah.
31:37Yeah.
31:44You know what I love?
31:46Awkward silences where you just look at each other.
31:49Okay. Yeah.
31:56A lot of times that's what happens right before a kiss.
32:00Yeah.
32:03But I don't want...
32:04I don't want that to happen to you.
32:06No, we're not doing that today.
32:07We're just talking in a flirtatious way.
32:12What do you think?
32:13Um, I'm thinking I'm fine as long as you're on that chair and I'm on this chair.
32:17I'm staying over here, don't worry.
32:19No.
32:24Thank you, bye.
32:28How was that, Ellen?
32:29Um, in my head I was like, okay, I'm going to jump in.
32:32And then when I got in there I was like, all of a sudden just like my body closed up.
32:38I don't like the idea of someone coming into my personal space.
32:43That's why I'm here, like I've never been very good at it.
32:46And I feel like a failure.
32:57So are you into females then?
33:00I am a straight, heterosexual male.
33:04Nice.
33:04You are... You're bisexual, aren't you?
33:09Do you know what? It was so weird.
33:10I had a dream last night of you guys.
33:11Mainly Alex.
33:13Weird.
33:14I can't wait to tell her.
33:17Hello.
33:18Did you know Katie dreamt about you last night?
33:21No, that's not weird.
33:23Is it what happened in the dream, Kate?
33:25She doesn't really know.
33:26I don't remember at all.
33:29Though Katie was dreaming of Alex,
33:31for him yesterday's workshop was a nightmare.
33:35I demoed with him yesterday.
33:38I felt he was really frozen.
33:41He can be a little in his head.
33:43So I'm curious if we're going through exercises,
33:46if he's just going to perform them rather than like actually experiencing sensation and emotions.
33:52Yeah.
33:54What did it feel like when you like touched her?
33:56Panicky.
33:57I don't know how calm it looked or how I looked, but yeah, my heart was going, I was shaking
34:02a bit.
34:06So Danielle's decided to dig deeper.
34:08Hello.
34:09Come on in.
34:10Into what's holding him back.
34:12I feel your heart beating all the way to here.
34:16Sex for me has always been quite a nervous thing.
34:19I've always had anxiety.
34:20I've always had performance anxiety, sports, homework, whatever.
34:24And so the first time I tried to have sex, I couldn't get an erection because I was just too
34:27nervous.
34:27Mm-hmm.
34:28Not being able to get an erection, it's constantly playing on my mind.
34:32It feels embarrassing even to say it because it's like, oh, this is something that old people deal with.
34:37But I just feel like defeated by it.
34:41You spend a lot of time trying to control your body from your head.
34:45I want to invite you to start to let your body control as opposed to the opposite.
34:49Yeah.
34:49So what I want us to do now is for you to touch me.
34:53Mm-hmm.
34:53And really let yourself enjoy.
34:55And do what feels good, yeah.
34:57What feels good to you.
34:59This time, Danielle wants to see if Alex can fully immerse himself in his sensations.
35:04Are you OK for me to start?
35:06Yes, please.
35:08OK, I'm going to start with your arm.
35:28Let me move down to your chest.
35:31Let me move down to your chest.
35:32Cool.
35:34Mm.
35:35Oh, my God.
35:43Let me move down to your chest.
35:45Let me move down to you.
35:46Let me move down to your chest.
35:46Hmm.
35:48Penny for your thoughts.
35:51the main overriding thing is still that worry of not getting an erection but this is like the
35:57building blocks so i really want us to have soft goals as opposed to hard goals no bad intended
36:05because your full body is like a big erection you know like a full body is
36:11a pleasure tool it's not only your cock that's a pleasure tool
36:16to get it yeah absolutely yeah yeah
36:25what did you do just your mutual touching really but i think i went into it thinking oh yeah she'll
36:31cure me and i won't feel anxious ever again around women but you're not going to get cured on the
36:36first session yeah oh are you doing it you do it like that really i think i'm going to be
36:45able to
36:45thought it was like that whilst the others start to embrace island life bertie is finding it harder
36:51to adjust okay a mixture of all nerves i don't like you sitting by yourself i'm i'm okay i do
36:59feel like
36:59the weak link and the odd one out because i'm not very sociable i'm still cautious i'm still nervous
37:06okay but i'm good you're right yeah it's gonna go brush my gums and do a dance but what on
37:12earth am i
37:13gonna be like in the days to come when it gets more challenging and more intense
37:19this whole island is it's it's not just virgin island it's unpredictability island
37:36you know what most women say is the length they want to have sex for
37:42four and a half minutes four and a half yeah no they want to have sex no sure yeah yeah
37:48they want
37:49sex the actual p and v to be four and a half minutes really what's p and v penis and
37:55vagina
37:56oh that's good
38:02it's mid-afternoon on virgin island
38:0630 how are you are you all right i don't know when everyone's all together it just gets a bit
38:10awkward for me you know i like my oh my god nearly fell off i like my hair my space
38:15a bit more
38:16just gonna just take it easy for a bit okay i'll see you soon no worries in terms of sex
38:22i've got
38:22no clue which is pretty embarrassing coming from someone who's 24 years old but i don't want to be
38:30alone in my whole life i just want to be able to live normally and just find more confidence in
38:37in myself hi celeste aims to start bertie's route to intimacy
38:44by helping him with connection hello oh hello
38:53how do you feel about eye contact
38:55aha i knew that was going to come out i am terrible at it yeah my eye contact goes all
38:59over the place
39:00um no matter who i'm talking to well i do feel like you you think a lot
39:05i am an overthinker so i want to slow it down a little bit like let your brain relax a
39:09moment
39:10and then see what it's like to come back more deliberately and connect and look at me
39:24this is a bit awkward isn't it intimacy is super awkward i know that's not going to go away
39:28yeah so let's just be awkward together
39:42it's hard to take it seriously it is and you don't have to take it so seriously you can think
39:47we're just having fun together yeah yeah
39:57yeah you've got some good sexy eye contact you might not know it
40:03and now you're looking at me so much more i feel connected to you
40:09after bertie perfects the sexy eyes great so if you want to scooch over a little bit
40:14yeah celeste decides to increase the intimacy
40:20what if i like came in right there for a second
40:25i mean that's a bit weird but okay yeah
40:32oh that's so nice you just perfectly like invited me and cuddled me wow
40:43i really like it when you kind of rest your cheek against my forehead yeah you're very natural
40:51it feels natural it feels natural exactly it feels good
40:56it's not long before celeste's technique boosts bertie's confidence
41:03i'll see them giving you a little kiss on the floor i felt that i love that
41:09go on yeah
41:14have i got a lipstick now you're having excellent you're having for a kiss
41:21thank you very much love you bye okay bye
41:26so celeste was she was brilliant and this has happened and i feel a lot more relieved
41:34and a lot more at ease with everything that was a bit of a confidence boost for me
41:39hi bertie hello you want to know how it went what do you think
41:48that is not going to wash his cheek
41:58as the sun sets on the retreat the first phase of the course draws to a close
42:05the first phase of the course has been really intense getting rid of shame is foundational
42:11to being able to have a pleasurable sex life but the way that they have taken it on
42:15it's unprecedented they all have challenges they all have traumas but every individual
42:21is beautiful and unique and the sky's the limit in terms of what's possible here
42:27to move forward the group must let go of their negative emotions oh my god that's a fire
42:33hello hello so the experts have arranged a ceremonial bonfire to burn away their lifetime of shame
42:45we've asked you to face your shame directly you have talked about it put it on your t-shirts
42:51and now it's time to let it go the hope is this ritual marks a turning point and the start
42:59of the rest
42:59of their lives so for me shame is feeling ugly um sorry um yeah i felt ugly like most of
43:13my life
43:15and i felt ashamed of myself for you know putting on weight so brave are you ready to let it
43:23go
43:24yeah it's going in the fire yes
43:34physical appearance is a common theme i look at everyone else around me and i think they're far more
43:39attractive never getting matched than dating apps and it's it makes me feel really crap about myself
43:45fat and ugly unlovable and i take up too much room quite literally
43:50i actually got voted ugliest girl in the whole school oh my god and depending on the people i
43:56can be too loud or too quiet with so let it go let it go ng is not good enough
44:08i always feel like i'm
44:09falling short of a lot of things deep-rooted issues around self-worth are also shared across the group
44:16i feel as though like i might perceived as childish and that i'm a bit
44:22unambitious i've been told i'm too loud basically just i'm too much for some people
44:27and then that kind of leads on to the second point which is that i'm unlikable and unlovable
44:33i've not had an adult relationship at all i feel terribly unwanted i seriously do
44:40are you ready to let it go yeah
45:00it's okay
45:01it's okay i think i've been like carrying with me some feelings about myself since i was about 12
45:11and i think having these horrible thoughts that i'm a horrible person and that people don't like me
45:18and that i'm really dirty and sinful
45:23it's okay it's okay it's okay it's okay it's okay it's okay it's okay it's okay it's okay it's okay
45:31writing it down on the t-shirt was one thing but to actually speak it out was liberating yeah
45:38i found it really difficult to throw my top in the fire i'm just hoping i can become more at
45:44one with
45:45myself shame is something that i specifically struggle with a lot i feel
45:50a lot lighter all my worst things i think about myself are finally like out there and i burn them
46:00next time your dick is connected to my pussy
46:04it's the turn-on phase where the group discover their animal instincts there's another animal next to
46:11you oh oh no emotions are laid bare quite sad i'm still stuck with that feeling
46:20and for some things are on the up it felt really nice when you're brushing past my genitals would you
46:25like me to do that yeah
46:27yeah
46:27yeah
46:29yeah
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