- 20 minutes ago
Black Ops - Season 2 - Episode 04
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TVTranscript
00:00Tevin is living in my house.
00:01He's blackmailing me until I get his record white.
00:04What?
00:05What?
00:06If we sort this out ourselves, then he also won't have anything to blackmail me with.
00:10This must be where he lives, right?
00:12We are coming for you, Steve.
00:13Oh, shit!
00:16Nobody knows anything, and nobody's gonna know,
00:19as long as you keep your shit together.
00:22Okay, why did you print this?
00:24Um, that was me.
00:26I need a file pull on two agents.
00:27Either you come clean, or I will.
00:29If I'm gonna have to confess to this thing, then I wanna bring him in at the same time.
00:33Solid proof I wasn't working with the guy.
00:36We are bringing Steve in.
00:40If I'm gonna have to confess to this thing, I wanna bring him in at the same time.
00:45We are bringing Steve in.
00:47Stop!
00:47Please get out of my thoughts. I'm trying to concentrate.
00:50Why are you doing this, my boy?
00:54Stop!
00:55Stop!
00:56Stop!
00:59Kylie.
01:00What the hell happened?
01:01No, no, no.
01:02You were meant to come in four bars ago.
01:04Your big solo.
01:05No, I'm sorry.
01:06I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
01:07Everyone, I was just starting my mind, and it's got a lot going on.
01:10Oh.
01:11Okay.
01:12So you want me to call up Carnival, and ask them to postpone?
01:16It's two weeks away, man!
01:18I know, I know.
01:19I'm sorry.
01:19I'll get it, I swear.
01:22Maybe we should give your solo to Cordell.
01:28No, no.
01:29No, no, no, no.
01:30I've got it, I promise.
01:31Let's go again.
01:32Let's go again.
01:33I've got it.
01:34How you feeling?
01:36How you feeling?
01:48Clive, I've got to go.
01:50I'm not getting my solo, could I?
01:53It's not happening.
01:54It's mine.
01:55It's mine!
01:57Sorry, Clive.
01:57I'm sorry, everyone.
01:59I go.
02:00I go.
02:02Yes, stop it!
02:03Stop it!
02:04I'm here!
02:05Here!
02:05You're 15 minutes early!
02:08I have to abandon my solo, and watch a teenager openly mock me.
02:12Okay?
02:12Head in the game, alright?
02:13We have a serious job to do tonight.
02:17Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on.
02:22Why have you brought inflatable numbers to a covert operation?
02:25They're for Julie's birthday party tomorrow.
02:27I had to bring them.
02:27My dad wouldn't let me borrow the car.
02:29Julie's 90!
02:30Well, of course, she looks great!
02:31No!
02:32The six is upside down!
02:34Oh.
02:34Well, 60's a big deal.
02:36What have you bought her?
02:37Scented candle.
02:39You just can't hide your contents, can you?
02:41Also, I'm concerned, those balloons are gonna obstruct you if you are driving.
02:44Oh, my God, Kay, shut up!
02:46And why are you wearing an orange T-shirt when I said black fatigue?
02:50Fatigues!
02:51Dom, I keep telling you, I don't know what fatigues are!
03:00No, Tevin, you didn't need to do that.
03:02Just leave them on the side.
03:04No, I like it.
03:05It quietens the noise in my head, do you get me?
03:09Look, we just wanted to let you know we're heading out.
03:11I'm taking Julie to Jardin's for her birthday.
03:15They serve the salads in little tiny watering cans.
03:18I'm so inventive.
03:19There are a couple of pizzas in the freezer if you want one.
03:22Julie, before you go, I got you a little something for your birthday.
03:25Oh, you didn't need to do that, Tevin.
03:27That's very thoughtful of you.
03:34Oh.
03:35Many happy returns.
03:37Fifty.
03:38Very generous.
03:40Tevin, look, read Julie's party tomorrow.
03:42In case it's not obvious, you are very much invited.
03:45Oh, you know what?
03:46I'm not really ready to meet the rest of the family yet.
03:49Nonsense.
03:50You are family.
03:51No, the thing is, like, I'm not really a parties guy.
03:54Like, I'd probably just sit out upstairs, have a vape, play some switch.
03:59Hmm?
04:00Tevin, look, we don't mean to pry, but we've noticed you don't mix with other people.
04:08You don't even leave the house.
04:11Now, I'm a paediatrician.
04:13That's a doctor for children.
04:14Yeah, I know what a paediatrician is.
04:15No, it's just that sometimes people get it mixed up with the others.
04:18So, my point is, I know a thing or two about mental health, and...
04:23You know what?
04:25You know what?
04:27Yeah, I'd love to be there.
04:30Yeah, I'll come.
04:32Oh, fantastic!
04:34Looking forward to it.
04:35Yeah, mate.
04:36Happy days.
04:37Let's go spend some money.
04:39Yes!
04:39Come on, spend it.
04:40I'll see you there.
04:42Glad rags on.
04:50So, what's the plan?
04:52Okay, this is what I'm thinking.
04:54We will hide in Steve's building and wait for him to leave his flat.
05:01Then, we will use the lock picker to break in.
05:05I've gotten pretty good with it.
05:07You're welcome.
05:11We will then wait for him to return.
05:15Then jump him!
05:17Gaffer tape!
05:17Cable ties!
05:18The lock!
05:19Stick him in the boot!
05:20Job done!
05:20Happy meals are on me!
05:23And, and, this is a piece de resistance, yeah?
05:25I'm talking some 4D chess shit.
05:28We tell MI5 Tevin was the informant who gave us Steve's address.
05:32All he asked for in return is his record whites.
05:34Two birds, one stone, obliterated!
05:36Oh my God, I'm good!
05:38I'll probably get medals.
05:39No.
05:39I'm sorry though.
05:40I, I, I can't agree to that.
05:42Bundling someone into a car boot does not align with my values.
05:46No.
05:47No.
05:47We can do this in a more civilised way.
05:50Okay, okay.
05:51What is your suggestion?
05:55We knock on Steve's door, calmly explain that the game's up.
05:59We die one on one because a crime isn't currently being committed.
06:02And sit with him in a firm but reassuring manner until the arresting officers are right.
06:08Okay, yeah.
06:09I hear it.
06:10I see it.
06:11I think there might be a little flaw with it though.
06:14What's that?
06:14It's stupid.
06:16You said minimal force.
06:18Minimal force is still force, Kay.
06:20Alright?
06:20I'm just not gonna pistol whip the guy.
06:21Pistol whip?
06:23Pistol whip?
06:23Yes.
06:24I said worse things than pistol whip, Kay.
06:26Shhh.
06:26Shit, he's coming out.
06:27So we approach him and then we politely escort him to the car.
06:30It's too open.
06:31There are too many exits.
06:32Too many witnesses.
06:33Oh, Scott.
06:33What do we do now?
06:34I guess we're just gonna have to do what I said.
06:36Divine intervention, Kay.
06:37No, no.
06:38I don't like this.
06:39You don't have to like it.
06:40Look, I think we should call the air by five.
06:42Tell them the truth about everything.
06:44Give them Steve's address and then they can take care of it.
06:46Kay, they're gonna send over some numpty who will turn up empty handed and then it looks like we're trying
06:51to pull a fast one.
06:52Meanwhile, Steve is out there at large planning God knows what.
06:56Look, we wait for him to come back home and then we get him.
07:03What's in there?
07:04Just one or two things from the gadget store.
07:06And how do you get stuff out of the gadget stores?
07:08Put it on the same code as you like, Vicka.
07:10Look, don't let us find out under my name.
07:12Okay, can we just get some perspective here, please?
07:14Okay?
07:14I got you to snuggle out a classified bar from MI5.
07:17Alright?
07:17This is not worse than that, is it?
07:19How is that your argument?
07:22What?
07:22Where are you going?
07:23We put a tractor on Steve's car.
07:25If he comes back and drives off, we can tail him.
07:27No, no, no.
07:27I do not consent to a car to a stop, especially with inflatables in the vehicle.
07:32It's a precaution, Kay.
07:33You love that word.
07:34Caution.
07:38Evening.
07:45What's that?
07:47Motion sensor.
07:48Shall we know when he's coming back?
07:49Did you eat anything at the gadget store?
07:51Yeah, those cacao balls.
07:52They tasted like arse.
07:58Oh!
07:59Hey!
08:00Good evening, madam.
08:02We would like to introduce you to our lord and our saviour.
08:08No?
08:09No?
08:09Okay.
08:10Good evening.
08:12Offensive.
08:13Worked though, didn't it?
08:15We have absolutely no idea how long it's going to take to get back.
08:18So, when we're in sight, we must examine the three Ps.
08:21Patience, precision, and...
08:23Ooh!
08:23Got it.
08:24Let's go.
08:25Wait, what's the third P?
08:26What's the third P?
08:29What's the third P?
08:31It's going to be right?
08:31So, just follow everything I do and we'll be absolutely fine.
08:34Okay?
08:34Hope you don't mind.
08:35I borrowed your dressing.
08:36Go on!
08:38Sorry, who are you?
08:42Um…
08:43I should ask you the same question, seeing as this is my flat.
08:52Oh, sorry.
08:54Jared didn't mention any housemates.
08:56Jared, didn't he?
08:59He didn't.
09:00That's bloody Jared, right?
09:04Typical Jared.
09:06Always playing the big man.
09:08Always playing the homeowner.
09:11And he's not, he's not the homeowner.
09:15I am the homeowner.
09:19Sorry, you know, that I was a bit just now.
09:23Jared didn't tell me that he was...
09:30Seeing anyone?
09:32Oh.
09:34Well, it's only a second date.
09:36Ah, well, going well then.
09:38See?
09:39Careful there.
09:40You know Jared.
09:41He's all charming and smiles until he lands you in the shit.
09:44Hang on, isn't this a one bed?
09:50Yes.
09:51Yes, it is.
09:53Welcome to the London Housing Market.
09:57Am I right?
09:57Thanks, boomers.
09:59Oh, wow.
09:59So how does that work?
10:03How's it work?
10:05How's it work?
10:06It works like this, mate.
10:08I'm going to tell you how it works.
10:09This is how it works.
10:10I work nights, Jared, days.
10:16Ships passing away from each other in the wind.
10:20Because we don't ever see each other because he's in different time schedules.
10:24Hey, do you want a drink?
10:26We should go.
10:27No.
10:28No.
10:28No.
10:28I'm sure, um, uh...
10:30Benito.
10:31Ah, Benito.
10:32And Jared wouldn't mind if we, you know, hung out with him for a bit.
10:37You know what?
10:38Actually, where is, where is our, our Jared, our kids, our kids?
10:42Where is our roomie?
10:44Where has he gone?
10:44He's just gone to pick up a Chinese and a gram.
10:46Oh, a Chinese and a gram.
10:48Great.
10:48So he's gone to pick that up.
10:50So what?
10:51He'll be what?
10:51Like 15?
10:5215 minutes?
10:5210?
10:5315?
10:53I guess.
10:54Yeah, so he will be right back, okay?
10:57Soon.
10:59What would you like to drink?
11:03Okay, what would you like to drink?
11:08Orange squash.
11:09Okay.
11:10Um, not, not, not something from the fridge, no?
11:15No, just orange squash, please.
11:18Alrighty then.
11:19Okay.
11:20So, orange squash.
11:21Oh, do you want in on a squash?
11:22Oh, no, I'm good with my chablis.
11:24He's good.
11:25Just not too much squash.
11:26Okay, so you want an orange squash, because yes, you are the only one who wants it, and
11:30I'm in the kitchen, going to get you an orange, an orange squash, so, um.
11:40Oh, uh, by the way, Benito, uh, this is, this is where we keep the cereal, because I
11:46assume you're going to spend the night, okay?
11:47Yeah?
11:47You Randy Wee bugger, you know?
11:49Just, just, um.
11:52Um, here is a single light bulb, because, um, you know, if the lights do go out, you
12:00don't want to be rummaging around in the dark, you know?
12:03So, you know where it is.
12:05It's in there.
12:05In the single light bulb cupboard.
12:08Orange, orange squash is...
12:15That is a bin.
12:17And, uh, might be a little bit of a weird place to keep a bin, I'm sure you're thinking.
12:23Until you consider mice, you know?
12:27Uh, I am yet to see a mouse that's, uh, able to open a cupboard, especially one at this
12:34ridiculous height.
12:36I'm sorry, I don't know why I'm giving you a tour of the cupboards.
12:40What was it you said you wanted again, Kay?
12:41No, orange squash.
12:42Orange squash!
12:44Yes, that was it.
12:46Hold on.
12:47No, I, I moved it over there, so we're good.
12:50Just orange, orange, squash, orange, squash, orange, squash.
12:56Mate, I think we're out of orange squash.
12:59Would you like a water?
13:00Water would be fine.
13:01Great.
13:03I'm just gonna give Jared a quick ring.
13:06No!
13:07No.
13:09No, no.
13:10Um, because I...
13:13Benito!
13:15How serious are you about Jared?
13:18I mean, I like him.
13:19He's, he's funny, he's, um, he's charismatic.
13:23He is, he is very charismatic, you know?
13:25And he, he smells incredible.
13:28Look, Benito, word to the wise.
13:31If you want a meaningful, romantic future with Jared,
13:40don't be calling him all the time.
13:42Yes, don't be too available.
13:46You know, it's, it's giving desperate.
13:49Yeah, yeah, we see guys come and go all the time.
13:52Oh, so you two are, we're together?
13:56No.
13:57Yes and no.
13:59Yeah.
14:00Mostly no.
14:01It's half enough, really.
14:01But, uh, that's not the point.
14:03What's the point?
14:03The point is, Steve doesn't like guys calling him a lot.
14:06Mm-hmm.
14:08Who's Steve?
14:16Steve is what we call Jared, because...
14:20Mm-hmm.
14:20Yeah, we, we call him that, because he once had a short stint,
14:26very embarrassing for him, at the job centre.
14:29You know, because Jobs, Steve Jobs, so Steve.
14:33And we are a very witty and fun friendship group.
14:41I think I might just go get changed.
14:43I only feel very worried that I'm not wearing any trousers.
14:46Yeah, now I'm going to see, see that I'm aware that you're not wearing any trousers.
14:50Oh, oh, don't let me see it.
14:52Don't let me see it.
14:54Oh, oh, oh.
14:56No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
14:58Um, your battery's low, so I'm going to charge it whilst you get changed.
15:03My friend, Benito, okay?
15:05Um, ideally, you should never let it go below 20% and never charge it over 80%.
15:09We need to leave now.
15:10When he comes back, we need to jump in.
15:12What?
15:13Yeah, because Steve's going to come through that door any minute and we can't handle two of them.
15:16This guy's not even in the door.
15:17We don't know that.
15:18This is a mess.
15:19We should just go.
15:20If we go, he's going to tell Steve we were here,
15:22and then Steve will vanish into a pot of smoke.
15:25We are here now.
15:26The only way out is through.
15:27Don't worry.
15:27Just look, okay?
15:29When Benito comes back, you just keep him talking.
15:32I will do the rest.
15:34You talk.
15:35I'll do the rest.
15:36Just talk.
15:37Just talk.
15:37Just talk.
15:38Oh, that's better.
15:40Hey!
15:41Oh!
15:43Mustard sushi.
15:44Hey, Dijon.
15:45Look at the kitchen.
15:47Get another drink.
15:48Oh, that's a mess.
15:51Yep.
15:51Mm-hmm.
15:52Yeah.
15:54Benito, tell me, what do you do when you're not doing this?
15:59I'm an artist.
16:01Oh, really?
16:02Well, I mean, I do online marketing for a B2B recruitment agency,
16:06but art is my passion.
16:09Oh, that's fascinating.
16:10I love art.
16:11Oh, yeah.
16:11You know when you look at pictures and it's not what it seems at first?
16:17You look at it and you go, hmm?
16:18You mean abstract expressionism?
16:20Magic eye.
16:21So tell me more about your work.
16:26Oh, well, my background is in textile design, and I've always painted.
16:31But then, well, by chance, really, because I had a voucher.
16:36I did a night class in ceramics, and something just clicked for me.
16:40I started making decorative ornamental teacups with a playful erotic edge,
16:44which I see as political, with a small thing.
16:49What are you doing?
16:51Just, you're, do you want an omelette?
16:54You know, it's just rude of me.
16:56I just realized you're a guest in my home, and I haven't, I haven't offered you an omelette.
17:01You're...
17:02I'm good.
17:02I'm about to eat a Chinese.
17:04Oh, no?
17:04Oh, okay, well, you're last, my omelettes are banging.
17:08More recently, I've been smashing the teacups, burying the bids, and selling the coordinates
17:14as an NFT.
17:15Yeah, absolutely, that's what...
17:17Do you like hugs?
17:18Sorry?
17:18Do you like hugs?
17:20I'm a hugger.
17:21Everyone who comes into my home gets one.
17:23Come on, bring it in.
17:25We all love a hug.
17:26Come on!
17:29I read somewhere that hugging, it really calms the...
17:33Grabbing your foot!
17:34Grabbing your foot!
17:37I'm a broken cover!
17:38I'm wrestling a man!
17:43Oh, my God!
17:48He's unconscious.
17:50Oh, here.
17:51Oh, problem solved?
17:52No.
17:53Hold on.
17:54Problem activated.
17:55He's unconscious.
17:57That's a head trauma.
17:58He needs medical attention.
17:59Well, I mean, he's breathing and he's got a pulse.
18:03I'm not a doctor, but how's that any different from being asleep?
18:05Okay.
18:06Dom, Dom, this man is an innocent bystander, okay?
18:09A ceramicist.
18:11This has totally gotten out of hand.
18:13This.
18:14This right here is why we never should have been here in the first place.
18:17Can't we get him on the sofa?
18:18Dom, are you even listening to me?
18:20What?
18:20I don't have time to debate this shit with you, all right?
18:25Steve could be here any minute.
18:26Where are you going?
18:27Where are we?
18:29Is that all right with you?
18:31You know, stress excites my blood.
18:33Just tear me up!
18:36Jeez.
18:37Jeez.
18:41Sorry, mate.
18:52Round and round, the bunny ears tight.
19:04Shit.
19:05Shit.
19:06Um, Steve's on his way back.
19:07He just sent the text.
19:08All right.
19:09Um, get on your haunches and, and then watch the door.
19:11What haunches?
19:12Have you never used a toilet in rural France?
19:14Just crouch.
19:15Jeez.
19:17Okay.
19:17Is that a taser?
19:18Yes.
19:19I know.
19:20You haven't done the course on how to deploy that.
19:21Hey, I watched most of a YouTube video at double speed when you were in band practice, okay?
19:25A guy in Texas, zapped to watermelon.
19:28It was fine, all right?
19:30It can't fail.
19:30And if it does, you just grab him.
19:32You just said it can't fail.
19:33It can't fail.
19:34If it does, you grab him.
19:35What's the door?
19:36At least when you deploy it, shout, taser, taser.
19:38Will you stop telling me what to do?
19:39I'm not telling you what to do.
19:40You are.
19:40It's a suggestion.
19:41You're holding a weapon that could hurt me.
19:44So it's for my safety as well as yours.
20:15I have masterminded this entire thing on my own, all right?
20:19All you have done is mowed.
20:22Just me, me, me.
20:24Oh, okay.
20:24You know what?
20:25This is Clinton's dead finger all over again.
20:27Me cutting it off and you crying in the corner, doing nothing.
20:31This whole thing is a metaphor for Clinton's dead finger.
20:49What are you doing?
20:50My faunches are aching, so I'm going on my knees.
20:52You can't pounce from your knees.
20:54I'm going on a beanbag.
20:55Don't you sit on that beanbag.
20:56I've seen you on a beanbag.
20:57It takes you 10 minutes to get back up.
20:59Look, I'm not going to be able to do anything, let alone pounce,
21:02if I'm in a constant state of cramp.
21:05No, that's it.
21:06Are you too?
21:10Shh, shanaya twayo.
21:12Yeah.
21:13Shh.
21:14Come on, he's listening.
21:33I'm not doing it.
21:40Kay, stop going on about your haunches.
21:43And watch the door.
21:48Oh, no, I'm going to go.
22:02I'm going to go.
22:16Okay.
22:18Okay.
22:19Okay.
22:21Okay.
22:23Okay.
22:25Okay.
22:28Okay.
22:29Okay.
22:29Okay.
22:30It's just a shot.
22:45Okay.
22:47Okay.
22:51Okay.
23:02Oh!
23:05Oh!
23:06Oh!
23:08Oh!
23:33I didn't shout, Taser, Taser.
23:35It's fine.
23:36It's fine.
23:36I'm not judging you.
23:41Oh, that's the motion sensor.
23:43Don't mess.
23:44It's Steve.
23:45It's there.
23:49I'm so sorry.
23:50I need to.
23:51I need to.
23:56Watch this.
24:02Oh, God.
24:05There is that.
24:06What?
24:07You are in deep caca.
24:11Apprehend them.
24:13No, no, no.
24:14I have a frying pan.
24:16How did you know we were?
24:20You.
24:22Judas.
24:27Okay.
24:28Is that absolutely necessary?
24:29Feed, sir.
24:30Oh, God.
24:31Oh, God.
24:36Oh, God.
24:47Oh, God.
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