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The King Of Queens S03E15 Ctrl Episode 15 Engsub
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00:04yellow oh hey Arthur it's me Doug what can I do you for actually I was just
00:09calling to check the messages off of the machine so just hang up and I'll call
00:12right back gotcha
00:23yellow Arthur didn't I just ask you not to pick up no you said I should hang up
00:28and you'd call right back okay what I meant was I wanted the machine to get it
00:33not you I'm trying to check my messages you want me to just check them for you
00:37no no thank you no last time you did that you erased all the messages and our
00:41outgoing messages and unplugged the lamp just let it ring okay that's your world
00:47I just live in it
00:56yellow Arthur what did I just say I'm sorry it's habit well do me a favor break the habit
01:02okay I'm running out of freaking change here
01:13yeah hello
01:15Arthur what is this some kind of sick little joke
01:18I'm sorry I've been answering the phone my whole life you're asking me to undo 75
01:23years of instinct in a moment that is not easy
01:27just don't pick up fine I'm going downstairs to lie down well thank you
01:41yeah hello
01:42Arthur oh god what the hell is going on in your head that you keep doing this
01:47i need to understand my eyes are getting weary my back is getting tight
01:55i'm sitting here in traffic on the queensburg bridge tonight
01:59but i don't care cause all i want to do
02:05is cash my check and drive right home to you
02:11cause maybe all my life i will be driving home to you
02:32baby you ready
02:36let's hit it cowboy boots
02:39that's right ma'am
02:41so what you gonna go rope yourself a meatball sandwich
02:44I like them plus they were on sale at Tom McCann
02:47honey just because something is on sale doesn't mean you have to buy it
02:51we discussed this when you came home with a microscope
02:54now go ahead go change
02:56fine I'll change but not cause of you
02:58only cause they hurt like hell
03:06hello
03:06hey it's me
03:07oh hey Kel we're just about out the door what's up
03:09I'm glad I caught you we're gonna have to cancel on you tonight
03:12oh why
03:13Deacon has to work late again
03:15oh that's crappy well how about we do something tomorrow
03:18what about uh brunch over here
03:19I'll see you then
03:20okay bye
03:21bye
03:22all right got my sneakers on
03:25spotlight's back on you now happy
03:28Kelly just called and cancelled Deacon has to work late tonight
03:31really
03:34so you wanna just do take out
03:36all right how about Italian
03:37hey how about we do Chinese
03:39you wanna try that new place Tung Shing House
03:41you had me at Tung
03:50hi how you doing my wife called in an order
03:52and what is your last name
03:57hello sir
03:59I'm sorry you just
04:00you threw me with the British thing there
04:03I grew up in Hong Kong
04:04I apologise if I'm not ethnic enough for you
04:06would you like me to chink it up a little
04:07chit chai chou chit chai chou
04:09no no no no no
04:11please it's no bother
04:12I'd love to
04:15the name's Everton
04:16it's right there
04:161850
04:17okay
04:20we'll be ready in a moment
04:21all right
04:24thanks
04:43hey man
04:45hey
04:45hey
04:46what's uh going on there chiefie
04:48nothing much just uh
04:50just having some dinner
04:51dinner
04:52big fan
04:53no secret there though huh
04:55right
04:56right
04:57so I thought you were
04:58so who's your friend here
04:59um
05:00Doug this is Angie
05:02hi hi
05:02how you doing
05:03nice to meet you
05:05Deacon's told me a lot about you
05:06has he
05:07cause uh
05:08he hasn't told me that much about
05:10what
05:10oh gosh
05:12I guess my order's ready
05:12okay uh
05:14I guess I will see you tomorrow
05:15I will see you whenever
05:17or not
05:17either way
05:18it was a
05:18okay
05:18coming
05:19okay
05:19I gotta go
05:20all right
05:26I know this looks a little weird
05:28no no no
05:28you're just pretending to work late
05:29to meet with your lovely vacation planner
05:31cause you're gonna surprise Kelly
05:32with a trip to Oahu
05:33no
05:34Puerto Rico
05:35no
05:35Amish country
05:36give me Amish country
05:37no man
05:38no
05:38then what
05:40it's what it looks like
05:42all right
05:42I can't believe this man
05:43hey American GI
05:45you're a number one
05:45good time order
05:46really
05:48that's enough of that
05:49okay
05:49I get it
05:50look
05:51I should get back
05:52just be cool about this
05:54and I promise we'll talk tomorrow
05:55okay
05:56we'll talk tomorrow
06:01you call this a family restaurant
06:08so I looked her square in the eyes
06:09and said
06:10ma'am
06:10you are undoubtedly
06:12the most fetching woman
06:14in all of Shreveport
06:16and what did she say
06:17my good sir
06:19I do believe you're giving me the vapors
06:23nice
06:24then what happened
06:25I knocked the barbecue out of her hand
06:27bent her over the porch railing
06:29and said
06:29I'll give you more than vapors
06:30you nasty
06:31okay
06:31enough
06:37charming story
06:37gone very wrong
06:41what's going on with you two over there
06:43I'm fine
06:45you haven't eaten a thing
06:46yeah you know what
06:47I'm really not
06:47I'm not hungry
06:48what
06:52I'm not hungry
06:53that allowed
06:54it's allowed
06:55just never heard you say it
06:58what's your story
06:59uh nothing
07:00just
07:01it's tired
07:02well if you can tell your boss
07:04maybe one time
07:04that you can't work late
07:06it doesn't work that way
07:07well why is it always you
07:09that has to stay
07:10how should I know
07:10well I'd say
07:11it's pretty damn clear
07:12why
07:13you got some crap work
07:14give it to the colored guy
07:18there's nothing going on at work
07:19now drop it
07:20sure
07:20why not drop it
07:22by the way
07:23how's the weather
07:23in the town of young white mailville
07:27for god's sakes
07:28everyone has to work late
07:29I work late all the time
07:30no you don't
07:31sure I do
07:33when
07:35actually I have to work late
07:37this coming Thursday
07:38now can we please
07:40in the sweet name of all that is holy
07:41talk about something else
07:42Arthur you were saying a story
07:43you had her bent over the railing
07:45then what happened
07:45no no no no wait a second
07:48I thought you had Nick's tickets
07:49for Thursday
07:51I do
07:52I guess I just won't be able
07:53to use them
07:53can I have them
07:57yes you may
07:58sweet diggity
07:59oh crap
08:01honey would you do me a favor
08:02and grab me a sponge
08:03uh yeah
08:04you know what Deke
08:04why don't you give me a hand
08:05in case the sponge is
08:06a pie
08:08you got it
08:13all right
08:13you said you talked to me today
08:14so talk to me
08:15what's up
08:16what's going on
08:16Angie's an old friend
08:18from high school
08:18I hadn't seen her since
08:19but then she emailed me
08:20a couple of months ago
08:21you know
08:21how you doing
08:22what's going on
08:24I emailed her back
08:25and things kind of
08:26took off from there
08:27what did you go
08:28and email her back for
08:30plenty of other things
08:31to do on the internet
08:32you're gambling
08:33you're born
08:36all the other stuff
08:38it's just that
08:42Angie and I really connect
08:44you know
08:44we can talk
08:46with Kelly lately
08:47she's got her things going on
08:49I got my things
08:50and more and more
08:51it just seems like
08:52our things are different
08:53but just put your things
08:54that are different together
08:54they did it with the
08:55Reese's peanut butter cup
08:56and it was a huge success
08:58Douglas
08:59quick question
08:59what is it Arthur
09:00can I grant those
09:01Nick tickets from you now
09:02you know what
09:02I'll give them to you later
09:04what if I don't see you later
09:06you live in our basement
09:07I will see you
09:08give me a time
09:113 AM or PM
09:13if it's AM
09:14I need to move
09:15some things around
09:17will you just leave us alone
09:18fine
09:22why didn't you tell me
09:23I haven't told anyone
09:24I'm not exactly proud of it
09:27Doug honey
09:27I think you misunderstood
09:28I meant the indoor sponge
09:30not the outdoor sponge
09:32I was just talking to Deke
09:33about my Roy Orbison
09:36collectible plate
09:37yeah yeah
09:38Doug was saying
09:39how it may or may not
09:41increase in value
09:43I hope it increases
09:46alright well my ears
09:47are about to snap off
09:48I'm gonna head back inside
09:49honey
09:49you're getting a snotsicle
09:55we better get back in there
09:56look I hate to put you
09:57in this position man
09:58but please
09:58just be cool
09:59for a little while longer
10:01okay
10:01alright
10:02look I got ranger tickets
10:03for next month
10:04don't blow that for me
10:16alright you guys
10:17thanks again
10:18it was great
10:18hey let's do a movie this week
10:20yeah I'll call you
10:20alright okay
10:22good people
10:23nice people
10:24solid
10:25people
10:28Doug honey
10:29do I strike you as stupid
10:31and or
10:32unaware
10:33nope
10:34you are sharp as against you
10:35pretty girl
10:37so then what's going on
10:39not a thing
10:42are you enjoying that issue
10:43of Marie Claire
10:46yes I am
10:48by the way I know
10:48you're staring at me
10:49and it doesn't bother me a bit
10:52just stare all you want
10:53there's nothing going on
10:55in fact
10:57what's going on with you
10:59yeah maybe there's something
11:00going on with you
11:00maybe I should stare right back
11:01at you
11:02how would that feel huh
11:11eyes off
11:15alright so let me think about this
11:16you've been acting strange
11:17ever since you came home
11:19from the restaurant
11:19last night
11:20did something happen there
11:24maybe
11:24but I'm not at liberty
11:26to discuss it
11:28did what happened
11:29involve Deacon
11:29because you guys
11:30have been acting
11:31very weird this morning
11:33perhaps
11:34but once again
11:35not at liberty
11:38and you just got
11:39those knick tickets
11:40so I know you're not
11:41really working late
11:42was Deacon
11:44really working late
11:45last night
11:45or
11:46were you like
11:47covering for him
11:48okay do you understand
11:49the concept of
11:50not at liberty
11:51if you called liberty
11:53right now
11:53I wouldn't be there
11:56when you picked up
11:57the food last night
11:58did you see Deacon
11:59there
12:00with another woman
12:02yes but that's all
12:03you're getting out of me
12:06oh my god
12:07he's having an affair
12:09you did not hear that
12:10from me okay
12:10if it ever comes up
12:11you heard it from
12:12a British Chinese guy
12:16Kelly is gonna be
12:17so devastated
12:18oh you're not
12:20planning on telling Kelly
12:21Doug
12:22the man is running
12:23around behind her back
12:24she has a right to know
12:25she's my best friend
12:26well he's my best friend
12:27then I only promised
12:28I wouldn't say anything
12:29well tough
12:29Doug I can't look her
12:30in the eyes
12:31and not tell her
12:31so don't look at her eyes
12:32look at her breasts
12:33that's what I do
12:36Doug listen to me
12:37hon I know
12:38this is tough on you
12:39but it's tough on me too
12:40I'm sorry
12:41if Deacon doesn't tell Kelly
12:42I'm gonna have to
12:45there you are
12:46look we uh
12:47we need to talk
12:48yeah I kind of need
12:49to talk to you too
12:49what's up
12:50man I couldn't even
12:51sleep last night
12:52I don't know man
12:52I just feel like
12:53I really
12:56hey Bergen
12:57why don't you go
12:57take that dog
12:58for a walk huh
12:58yeah
12:59bye bye
13:02peace
13:02alright go ahead
13:03look I just feel like
13:04I screwed up so bad man
13:05and now I'm dragging you
13:06into this
13:06and hey I'm gonna pay you
13:07for those Nick tickets
13:08alright
13:08you shut up
13:09come on you think
13:09I care about those huh
13:10they were a gift
13:11from Carrie's boss
13:12right sorry
13:13although they're worth
13:14like 160 bucks
13:15so if you want to
13:15toss me something
13:15that's your call
13:16whatever
13:17I gotta tell you
13:18I did a lot of
13:18thinking last night
13:19and
13:29and what
13:30I'm definitely
13:31gonna break things
13:31off with Angie
13:32excellent idea
13:33that's it man
13:34you break things
13:34off with Angie
13:35and you tell Kelly
13:36and everything's
13:37back to ham and eggs
13:38tell Kelly
13:39oh no no no
13:40no way man
13:40why not
13:41I think you're
13:42gonna be surprised
13:42she has very kind eyes
13:44yo she's hit me
13:45with a frying pan
13:46it ain't liking cartoons
13:47man that sucker hurts
13:50you know what
13:50let me come at this
13:51from a slightly
13:51different angle
13:53Carrie knows
13:53and if you don't
13:54tell Kelly she will
13:54you don't Carrie
13:55I can't believe you man
13:57I didn't tell her
13:58she got it out of me
13:59how
14:00Doug
14:00she stared at me
14:02you know
14:03you just couldn't
14:04keep your mouth shut
14:04could you
14:05you know what you are
14:05you're a yenta
14:06I am not a yenta
14:07yes you are
14:08yenta yenta yenta
14:08why are you giving me crap
14:10you're the one
14:10who's sleeping around
14:11with someone else
14:11who's not your wife
14:12what are you talking about
14:12I never slept with Angie
14:15what
14:15I never slept with her
14:17I mean I'm not sure
14:18what would have happened
14:19but so far
14:20all we've done
14:20is meet for dinner
14:21you know
14:22talk
14:23guy am I crazy
14:24or is that not
14:25the kind of information
14:25you'll lead with
14:26I guess
14:27I figured what I was doing
14:28was still
14:29kind of cheating
14:30no it's not
14:31your big dumb ox
14:33it's not that bad
14:34at all
14:34now you tell Kelly
14:35I'll tell Carrie
14:36we can get on
14:37with our lives
14:38there
14:38we just cheated
14:39more than you ever did
14:43Carrie
14:44in here
14:47great news
14:48my little chickie
14:48turns out Deke
14:49is not cheating
14:50with that woman
14:51what
14:51what do you mean
14:52just what I said
14:53he's not cheating
14:53he's had as much
14:54sex with her
14:55as I've had
14:56with your dad
14:57and that's none
14:59but you saw them
15:00in the restaurant
15:01together
15:01I mean if they
15:02weren't having an affair
15:02what was going on
15:03well they just
15:04meet for dinner
15:04they eat
15:05they talk
15:05they connect
15:06and does Kelly
15:07know
15:07no
15:08then he's still
15:09cheating
15:09no he's not
15:10yes he is
15:12Doug
15:12the man is
15:13lying to his wife
15:14sneaking around
15:15with another woman
15:16sharing intimate
15:17feelings
15:18that is cheating
15:19no it isn't
15:20yes it is
15:21no you gotta be
15:21naked to cheat
15:23wrong
15:23so you're telling me
15:25if I met a woman
15:26and we went out
15:27for a dinner or two
15:28and then say
15:29I forgot to tell you
15:30about it
15:30right
15:31I would be cheating
15:32yes
15:32really
15:33and that would be
15:33just as bad
15:34as if I actually
15:34slept with her
15:35yes
15:37good to know
15:40that's great
15:42that's really great
15:42Doug
15:43make your stupid
15:43little jokes
15:44but I gotta tell you
15:45I am stunned
15:46that on something
15:47as important
15:48as the meaning
15:49of marriage
15:50and commitment
15:51that we would be
15:52so far apart
15:53yeah well we are
15:54my friend
15:54you're way over there
15:55and I'm way over here
15:57hello
15:59oh shut up
16:02I'll get it
16:02what do you want
16:04for dinner
16:04I don't care
16:09Deke what's going on
16:09man
16:10I told Kelly
16:10and you know what
16:11you were wrong
16:11it is as bad as cheating
16:12I know I'm in the middle
16:14of the same argument
16:16she threw you out
16:17yeah
16:18with no shoes
16:19yeah
16:20and as hard as it is
16:21to get a cab
16:21as a black man
16:22imagine trying to get one
16:23as a black man
16:24with no shoes
16:28hey Carrie
16:30what does he want
16:31easy okay
16:32he's been tossed out
16:33shoeless
16:34I have nothing
16:35to say to him
16:36or you
16:37or anybody else
16:38in this whole
16:38sickening subject
16:39excuse me
16:44sit down man
16:45you sure it's okay
16:47no it is not okay
16:50hey you know what
16:51I just figured out
16:52what I want for dinner
16:52a nice hot bowl
16:54a shudded stew
17:02does he know
17:03that he has a baby
17:04huh
17:04you know what
17:05I'm sorry
17:05I've had shudded stew
17:06before
17:07and it sure as did
17:08until he didn't taste
17:08like that
17:13hey man
17:13maybe you better
17:14stay in a motel
17:14tonight
17:15yeah
17:15look
17:16Kelly kicked me out
17:16without my wallet
17:17can you lend me
17:17a few bucks
17:18oh yeah
17:19no problem
17:19do not give him money
17:22why not
17:23because it's half mine
17:25and I don't want you to
17:26well fine
17:27then I'll just give him
17:28twice as much
17:29for my half
17:33and you know what
17:35I'll drive him
17:36to the motel myself
17:37and my half
17:37in a car
17:38come on
17:40fine
17:41and while you're gone
17:42I'm gonna bake you
17:43a nice warm flaky
17:44my leg in your ass
17:45up to my knee
17:46pie for dessert
17:48that was such a reach
17:58what is the huge
17:59ruckus here
18:00it's all a man can do
18:00to take a simple
18:01four hour nap
18:03I'm sorry dad
18:04it's it
18:05it's Doug
18:06he's just got me
18:06so
18:06what happened
18:09okay
18:09okay
18:10let me ask you
18:11a question
18:11if someone
18:13is married
18:14and then
18:15sneaks around
18:16and has dinner
18:17with another person
18:18even though
18:19they are not sleeping
18:20with that other person
18:21would you say
18:22that that was wrong
18:23look darling
18:24I know Douglas
18:25isn't the most
18:26physically attractive
18:26man in the world
18:27but
18:29I beg you
18:30not to jump ship
18:31just yet
18:33now I have a book
18:34downstairs of
18:35special positions
18:36for the overweight
18:37that I think
18:40I think it could be
18:41a big help
18:43I am not talking
18:44about me
18:45I am talking
18:46about a friend
18:48and uh
18:49is that friend
18:50you
18:52no
18:53it's not
18:54it's
18:56it's Kelly
18:57and are you
18:59Kelly
19:01you don't have
19:02to give Kelly
19:03air quotes
19:03you know her
19:04oh my god
19:06how dare she
19:07cheat on that boy
19:08while he's out
19:08working late
19:09to pay for her
19:10fancy creams
19:10and powders
19:13she's not
19:14doing anything
19:15he is
19:17oh and then
19:18Doug covers
19:18for him
19:19and like that's
19:19not bad enough
19:20he comes home
19:21tonight all lit up
19:22and happy
19:22because as it
19:23turns out
19:23Deacon hasn't
19:24slept with this
19:25skankola
19:26yet
19:26like we should
19:27all give him
19:28some fat
19:28freaking award
19:29for that
19:29I told Doug
19:30he was wrong
19:31and I'm just
19:32I'm so mad
19:33at him
19:35you're not mad
19:36at him
19:36uh trust me
19:38I am
19:38no no honey
19:40you see
19:40you and Doug
19:42look to Deacon
19:43and Kelly
19:43as an example
19:44of a perfect couple
19:44now that their
19:46supposedly solid
19:47marriage is
19:48in trouble
19:49you start to wonder
19:51who's to say
19:52yours isn't
19:53next
19:55you're not
19:56angry cookie
19:58you're scared
20:01wow dad
20:02that was a
20:03remarkably lucid
20:04thing to say
20:06I'm coming right
20:07out of a nap
20:08I'm coming right
20:38I'm coming right
21:10you're home
21:13yeah
21:14I'm home
21:41I'm coming right
21:56you've reached the heffernens we're not here to take your call so leave a message
22:01arthur are you there arthur i just left the house two seconds ago when you were there pick up
22:07oh no i'm not falling for your games big boy come on pick up i think i left the oven
22:12on and
22:13the pilot light is broken no sale arthur arthur come on man i know you're there pick up the damn
22:21phone
22:23pick up the phone old man
22:49so
22:50you
22:52you
22:57you
22:58you
22:59you
23:00you
23:01you
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