- 1 day ago
The King Of Queens S03E19 Ctrl Episode 19 Engsub
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🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:09Oh, my God!
00:11Oh, my God.
00:13Doug, what are you doing?
00:14It's 5.30 in the morning.
00:16They closed down Union Turnpike.
00:18I gotta leave for work now if I'm gonna beat the traffic.
00:20Just go to sleep. Go to sleep.
00:21Shh. Curl up like a baby bear.
00:23There you go.
00:36I'm okay. Shh. It's out there.
00:39Shh. I'm okay.
00:40Oh, my God.
01:06Without waking up.
01:08Do you have any idea what my work shirt would be?
01:11Check the floor.
01:14I got it. I got it.
01:15Go back to sleep.
01:17You're dreaming. You're dreaming.
01:20You're rollerblading naked with Tony Danza.
01:27Then you're ironing his shirt.
01:30My eyes are getting weary.
01:33My back is getting tight.
01:36I'm sitting here in traffic on the Queensborough Bridge tonight.
01:41I don't care, but I don't care, because all I want to do is cash my check and drive right
01:49home to you.
01:52Because maybe all my life I will be driving home to you.
02:10I don't care, but I don't care.
02:12I don't care.
02:12I don't care.
02:31Hey, Carrie.
02:32Oh, hey, Lou.
02:33What have you got there?
02:34I finally decided to spring for an air conditioner
02:37between my dad and Doug.
02:39That living room can get pretty ripe in August.
02:41You know what I'm saying?
02:43Do you need any help?
02:44Oh, no, I think I can.
02:48Actually, you're strong for a living, right?
02:50I got it.
02:51Thanks.
02:52You got it?
03:01Where do you want it?
03:02Oh, right there's fine.
03:02It's just going to go in that window.
03:04I can put it in for you.
03:06I'm free all day tomorrow.
03:07Oh, no, no, no.
03:08That's way too nice.
03:09Please.
03:10It's no problem.
03:11Oh, my God.
03:11You are such a sweetheart.
03:13And listen, if there's ever anything I could do for you.
03:16Can you get your husband to stop making Hulk jokes?
03:20I don't think so.
03:24Although, there is one thing.
03:26You know what?
03:27I shouldn't bother you.
03:28No, no, no.
03:28Come on, come on, come on.
03:29Who is it?
03:29Well, my wife usually does it for me, but she's out of town.
03:34Okay.
03:38Well, nothing like that.
03:40It's just that I'll have to do a posing at a gym opening next week.
03:43And it's a last-minute thing.
03:45And, um...
03:45And, come on, what is it?
03:47Would you spread tanning cream on my body?
04:01Attention, IPS driver in the house, but don't worry, I come in peace.
04:06Hey, I'm looking for Chip Diggins.
04:08Thanks.
04:11Chip.
04:12Hey, man, I got a package for you.
04:13Oh, great.
04:16How does it feel to be on the other side?
04:18Hmm?
04:19You and I, we're used to giving packages, but now you're getting one.
04:24It feels pretty much like you'd expect.
04:26What, you never got a package?
04:29Just making conversation, guy.
04:33Doug!
04:34Mitch!
04:35Hey, man!
04:36I haven't seen you since IPS!
04:37I know, I know!
04:38You clean up nice.
04:39Yeah, well, I'm in personnel now.
04:41Gotta look my best.
04:42What brings you by?
04:42No, I just had a delivery.
04:45Really?
04:45Out here in the boonies?
04:46I can't believe they still got you working zone 12.
04:49Yeah.
04:50Why?
04:51Well, it's just, uh...
04:52You were working zone 12 when I left two years ago.
04:55You took some time off?
04:56Were you injured?
04:58No, no.
04:59I mean, it's a tough route, but, hey, they only give the tough routes to the tough drivers.
05:02Am I right?
05:03Why, you think I should have a better route?
05:05I don't know.
05:05But I tell you one thing.
05:06If you worked here, hell, you'd write your own ticket, my friend.
05:09Really?
05:09Are you kidding me?
05:10With all your experience, hell, you'd be working Q Gardens by now.
05:12Q Gardens?
05:14They got trees.
05:18Anyway, just one man's opinion.
05:20Oh, Doug loved to stay and chat, but Rodriguez ain't gonna fire himself.
05:24Hey, it's good to see you.
05:26Have a mug.
05:36This is very sweet of you.
05:40Hey, it's what neighbors do.
05:44Don't forget my obliques.
05:46Okay, kitten.
05:50Hey.
05:51Hey.
05:52Hey.
05:54Hey.
05:54Hey.
05:55Hey.
05:56Hey.
05:57Hey.
05:57Hey.
06:02Hey.
06:09Hey.
06:11Hey.
06:24Hey.
06:26Hey.
06:27Hey.
06:27It's full of potholes. There's hookers on every corner. P.S. Most of them are pretty skanky
06:34Honey, you've had the same row for years. What's the deal today?
06:37The deal is, you know, I ran into an old friend of mine who works in personnel at FedEx
06:41And you know he told me if I was over there, I could write my own ticket. My own ticket!
06:45I never had my own ticket!
06:47Really? That's... that's great!
06:49It's just unfair, you know, I'm at IPS eight years and they still treat me like a pack mule, you
06:54know?
06:54I'm at FedEx five minutes. They treat me like a valuable person and they give me a beautiful mug
07:00Where is it? Handle snapped off
07:04Driving over a zone 12 pothole
07:06Maybe it's time to think about making a move
07:11What do you mean? Going to work for FedEx. No, no, no. Why not?
07:15No, that'd be it's like a big deal. I'd have to empty out my locker and
07:22Bring home my George Foreman grill
07:25All right, you know what? Fine. Do whatever you want
07:27Carrie!
07:28Excuse me. I have to go finish off Lou
07:34Come on, Carrie. I wasn't saying I wanted to change jobs. I was just blowing off steam. You know, I'm
07:39pretty happy where I am
07:40Now you're happy. Five seconds ago, you were ranting about how they treat you like an animal
07:45Well, the beers kicked in. All right, you know what? I don't want to get involved because when I do
07:50you just drive me crazy
07:51So you drink your beer and I'll spread my tanning cream
08:00Besides I just don't think I'd fit in over at FedEx. What are you talking about? It's the same exact
08:05job you do now only in a blue uniform
08:09There you go
08:09I can't wear blue. You said it yourself. I'm an autumn
08:14All right, maybe you don't have to actually take the job at FedEx, but could you at least
08:19Forget it
08:20What?
08:21No, never mind. Forget it. Doug, I think Carrie's saying that you could use the heat from FedEx to put
08:26the screen on IPS
08:28Thank you
08:30Doug, you're hot. You're in play. Use it
08:33It worked. I got a nice rage on the hook when they wanted me on the bionic woman
08:37Huh? Huh? The bionic woman?
08:46Hey
08:47Hey, man
08:52New boy seems okay, huh? Yeah
08:55Good-looking guy
08:59Yes, it seems to me if you're secure in your manhood, you don't need to look all attractive
09:07Zone one. All right
09:11Zone one? He's been here a week. You get zone one?
09:14It took me four years to get zone one
09:15I never had it
09:16I gotta tell you man, I am so fed up with the way I get treated around here
09:20Here you go
09:23Don't tell me. Tell O'Boyle
09:24Maybe I will
09:25Go ahead. Oh, I'm gonna go. I'm going
09:27Okay, go
09:28Oh, it's on, baby
09:29Do it, man
09:30It's done
09:32Just give me a little push
09:39Cool
09:40Sorry
09:41How about dinner and drinks before you get that close, huh, Chief?
09:45Supervisor O'Boyle
09:46Yeah, Doug, what up?
09:48Uh, it just happened to come to my attention that you assigned the new guy to zone one
09:52Yeah
09:53Well, it's just that that's the best zone
09:55I mean, is that like a welcome to the company kind of thing instead of a basket or
09:59No
10:00No, that's his zone
10:01Although he did get the basket, too
10:03Plus, I think, some coupons for Lowe's theaters
10:06You guys, I just don't understand why the new guy lucks out with the zone that's all light packages for
10:10suburban housewives
10:12Well, look at the guy, Doug
10:13Come on
10:14He's gorgeous
10:18Listen, I gotta jump on the horn, somehow, a hundred pints of plasma wound up at Tavern on the Green,
10:23I got a very angry Maida Dita deal with
10:26I'm in play
10:28Pardon?
10:29Yeah, you know, I didn't want to say anything, but I got a lot of heat on me, a lot
10:33of heat
10:34What are you saying? Are you saying there's another company interested in you?
10:38Uh, yes there is
10:39Oh
10:39Well, I'm really not at liberty to disclose that information, let's just say it ends in X
10:45Gas X?
10:48FedEx
10:49Oh, FedEx, wow
10:50Now, if we could, uh, come to some kind of agreement, you know, regarding my route, I'd be happy to
10:57tell FedEx to overnight their offer to where the sun don't shine
11:02Putting a squeeze on the old boss, huh?
11:03Eh, maybe just a touch
11:05Well, you're a good worker, Doug, and I'd hate to lose you, so what's it gonna take to make you
11:09happy?
11:09Zone one
11:10No can do, anything else?
11:12Zone two
11:13Two? That's right next to one
11:14Zone three or four, it doesn't matter, just anything with single digits
11:18No, no, no way
11:19Tell you what, if you can wait a year, I can get you 13
11:22I'm in 12 now!
11:23Well, listen, Doug, I'm trying to work with you, what do you want from me?
11:26Look, I want that respect that I deserve, you know?
11:29I've been here eight years, and I'm a good driver, I should have zone one
11:32And if I don't get it, I'll...
11:34You'll what?
11:37I'll, you know, I'll, I'll, I'm gonna quit
11:41Okay, Doug, you win
11:43Boy, I, I'm gonna catch hell for this, but here's what I'm gonna do
11:46From now on, zone 12, renamed, zone one, and vice versa
11:52It's the same zone that doesn't help at all
11:54Well, then I'm all out of ideas, Doug
11:56Listen, you gotta do what you gotta do, okay, so...
11:59Good luck over there at Gas X
12:03FedEx
12:25Hey there, Lewis!
12:26Is it a good time for me, uh, to put in the air conditioner?
12:28Yeah, you bet, come on in
12:31Oh, by the way, how do you like my tan?
12:34Mmm, I don't like it
12:36Really?
12:37I love it!
12:40No kidding!
12:41Lou, you look fantastic, a dark rich even tan in March
12:45God, that stuff is amazing!
12:47The best you can buy
12:49God, look at me compared to you, I look so pale and pasty
12:53You look fine
12:54Uh, white as a sheet, I look like I'm touring with Moomin Shuns
12:59You want me to get you a couple bottles?
13:01Really?
13:02Yeah, thank you
13:04Hey
13:05Hey, honey
13:05Hey, Lou, Doug
13:08Uh, honey, could I talk to you in the kitchen alone?
13:10Yeah
13:10Or something?
13:11Oh, you don't have to go anywhere, you know I'm hard of hearing
13:13And I won't read your lips, I promise
13:17All right, fine
13:18I lost my job today
13:20What?
13:25Sorry
13:27You lost your job?
13:29Yeah
13:29What happened?
13:30Well, I tried to bluff O'Boyle with the FedEx thing and he didn't bite
13:33He just let me walk out
13:34Well, why the hell were you talking to O'Boyle?
13:36Cause you kept saying how much heat I had on me and that I was in play
13:39I thought you wanted me to talk to him
13:40Not without preparation, some rehearsal, some index cards
13:45For the love of God, I didn't want you to just wing it
13:47Well, too late, it's already wung
13:50Well, you know what?
13:51I mean, so you just go back and tell O'Boyle it was a mistake
13:54You know what?
13:54You tell him that you were dehydrated and exhausted
13:57Oh, better yet, tell him you mixed pills and booze and you had a bad reaction
14:02You do understand my job is driving
14:06All right
14:09Well, you know what? Maybe this is not so bad
14:11I mean, they still love you at FedEx
14:17Go FedEx
14:19Hey, Mitch
14:22Doug
14:23Hey, you got another delivery for us?
14:25Yep, a 250-pound package of Doug Heffernan
14:28What?
14:28I left IPS
14:30Really? Why?
14:31Well, let's just say they pushed and I pushed back
14:33Shall we talk?
14:34Come on, sure, come on in my office
14:37It'd be great if I could get a route in Rego Park
14:40That way we could stop home for lunch, you know?
14:41But, hey, not a deal breaker
14:47So, why should the FedEx company hire Doug Heffernan?
14:52What?
14:53What would a Doug Heffernan bring to FedEx?
14:56Well, I'd bring myself and my lunch if I don't get Rego Park
15:02No, I think I'd, uh
15:04Hey, castaway
15:05Whoa!
15:13You know, I'd bring a lot of things
15:14I'm a real good, dependable driver
15:17You know, I've got a pleasant personality
15:20I'm relatively hygienic
15:23And I've been told I'm quite the cut-up
15:25Cut-up, uh-huh
15:26And, uh, where do you see yourself in the future?
15:29You got a five-year plan?
15:31Five years?
15:32Uh, yeah, I hope to be still delivering packages
15:34Only in a hovercraft, huh?
15:37Hey, package for Mr. Spacely
15:39You are quite the cut-up
15:40Here's the thing, though
15:42We're really not hiring at the moment
15:44What?
15:45Yeah, we're a little lean and mean right now, so
15:47What?
15:48You just told me how great it was
15:49How, if I was here, I could write my own ticket!
15:50That was just friends talking
15:52What am I gonna say?
15:52You're the heaviest I've ever seen you?
15:54I quit my job!
15:56Doug, look, tell you what I'm gonna do
15:57I'll leave your application on file
15:59Okay?
16:00I don't want my application on file, man
16:01That's a death warrant!
16:02Look, Mitch, I can do this job
16:04I want this job
16:05Look at this, see?
16:05Hey, FedEx calling
16:09Come on
16:10Mitchell, Mitchell, Mitchell, Mitchell, Mitchell
16:11Listen to me
16:11I am not leaving this building until you hire me
16:14Now, we both know I am the man for the job
16:16Look in my eyes!
16:17See the passion?
16:17I know you're thinking deep down inside
16:20I'm gonna roll the dice on this kid
16:24Security
16:32Morning, baby
16:34What you doing?
16:35Looking through the want ads
16:36Doug
16:36I'm looking through the want ads, leave me alone
16:39Would you just call O'Boyle?
16:41He's dead to me
16:44You are just so damn stubborn
16:46Just crawl back and take your crap
16:49I do it
16:50For God's sakes, my boss, he throws his shoes at me
16:53I just duck and get on with my life
16:56It's you, okay? I want more out of my job, okay?
16:58I want happiness, I want respect
17:00I'm gonna get it, even if that means
17:02Slaughtering pigs for six bucks an hour
17:07Alright, you know what?
17:09Doug, if you want to find a new job
17:11Then...
17:12Then I support you
17:14Thank you
17:16Honey, didn't Lou tell you to go easy on that tanning cream?
17:18Yeah, so?
17:20So, how many coats is that?
17:22One
17:25Okay, maybe three
17:26Doug, you don't understand
17:28People have been telling me I've never looked better
17:29This stuff is magic
17:31Yeah, well Dougie ain't got no job now
17:32And that magic cost 18 bucks a bottle
17:34So slap on a coat of sealant and call it a day
17:37Fine
17:39Besides, I can live without the smeared brown hand prints all over the house
17:42It's starting to look like a crime scene
17:45I said fine
17:46Aha, look at this right here
17:47Look, look, look
17:48Look what I found, Miss Doubting Thomasina
17:50Huh?
17:51Metro Courier Service in Midtown Manhattan
17:53Experience delivery personnel needed immediately
17:56Good pay, flexible hours
17:58Well, looks like Daddy landed back on his feet
18:12Respect your signal, dude!
18:21to be taken with you
18:23To be right
18:26I don't know
18:29Who did a female
18:49Doug?
18:51Harry?
18:52Hey, honey.
18:53Oh, my God.
18:54How much of that tanning stuff are you using?
18:56None.
18:57None?
18:58You look like Seal.
19:01For your information, I had lunch outside today.
19:05Well, unless you had it eight feet from the sun,
19:07I'd say you got a roaring tanning cream addiction.
19:09Can we forget about me, please?
19:11What are you doing?
19:11Whose bike is this?
19:13Metro Couriers.
19:15You're a bike messenger?
19:17A bike courier, and I happen to enjoy it.
19:21Oh, come on.
19:22You can't be enjoying this.
19:23Yeah, well, I do.
19:24Doug, I am begging you.
19:26Let's cut you out of those pants and get you back to IPS, please.
19:32No, you know what?
19:33If they can live without me, I can live without them.
19:36All right?
19:37Now, if you will excuse me,
19:39I need to figure out a way to pedal through the Midtown Tunnel.
19:45No seat!
19:57Hey, there.
19:58Hey, Doug.
19:59What brings you by?
20:00I just wanted to drop off all my uniforms.
20:03I had them martinized for you.
20:05I don't know what that means, but it cost me a buck extra.
20:08Thanks.
20:10So, how's your job there at FedEx?
20:12Ah, actually, you know what?
20:14I passed on them.
20:15Yeah.
20:16You know what it is?
20:17Didn't quite work into my five-year plan.
20:19Let me see it happen.
20:20Went over to Metro Courier.
20:21Good outfit.
20:22Oh, those are guys that deliver on skates?
20:25No, no, no, no, no.
20:26They stopped doing that years ago when they lost a few guys.
20:28Uh, it's all scooters and bikes.
20:30I'm on a bike.
20:31It's very pleasant, actually.
20:32Very pleasant.
20:33You want your job back, don't you?
20:34Certainly do, yes.
20:36And what about this respect thing?
20:38Are you still into that?
20:39Not so much.
20:40No, no.
20:43I think once you've been violated by a 10-speed, your priorities kind of change.
20:48I heard that.
20:49All right.
20:50You can come back, Doug.
20:51Oh, see you in the morning.
20:53Well, thank you.
20:53Thank you so much.
20:56And so, you know that thing you said about, you know, calling Zone 12, Zone 1?
21:00I think I might be willing to go for that after all.
21:04Nah, you see, Doug, if I let you do it, then everybody's going to want to rename their
21:08Zone, Zone 1.
21:09You know, it's a slippery slope, my friend.
21:12Okay.
21:13What if you and I just called Zone 1 when we're alone?
21:16Alone?
21:17What are you getting at?
21:18Doug, forget it.
21:19How about give me a welcome basket?
21:21Doug, again, with the slippery, you know?
21:23Wait, look, man, I've been here eight years.
21:25You've got to give me something.
21:28Movie passes?
21:31All right.
21:32What the hell?
21:33All right.
21:35Welcome back, Doug.
21:36Well, thank you.
21:37It's nice to be back, sir.
21:38And good to be appreciated.
21:40Oh, great.
21:45Wait a second.
21:46These passes have expired.
21:49It's cold, it's cold, it's cold, it's cold.
22:02Oh, you know what?
22:03If they can live without me, I can live without them.
22:06Now, if you'll excuse me, I need a way to...
22:11No, no, no.
22:12If they can live without me, I can live without them.
22:14Okay?
22:15Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to figure out a way to...
22:20You know what?
22:21If they can't live without me, then I can't live without them.
22:25I can't live without them.
23:10I can't live without them.
23:26I can't live without them.
23:26Let's have a气候.
23:27If they can live without them.
23:29I can't live without them.
23:29I don't know what you two- Tay könntic are.
23:30I haveached my heart.
23:30It's a Xiangav gli-Kan.
23:30You know what?
23:30Give me the spirit of yourself with your being.
23:30I hadn't lived without them outside of us.
23:30And I'm in the Lilly-Kan.
23:30We're back home with your hand.
23:30We're new ONE-SELF-Y3212.
23:30Are you-Tünk?
23:30What are you-Tünk?
23:31What are you-Tenix?
23:31You
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