Skip to playerSkip to main content
LegalDramaDaily
  • 2 weeks ago
Holidays With The Twins
Transcript
00:01:06I know, someone's changed the tune.
00:01:10I've got so much to tell you.
00:01:14But I think I love you, Niles.
00:01:18Sometimes I feel that, and then, I don't know, other times, not so much.
00:01:26Over the last week, I've had a lot of time to think about my life, my future work, you know,
00:01:31what I'm doing, who I'm going to spend it with.
00:01:35And, I don't know, like, the last week, we've connected, you know, better than ever before, but...
00:01:42I need to tell you something.
00:01:44Oh, no, just let me finish.
00:01:45I don't know what it is.
00:01:46Like, something feels different.
00:01:49I mean, it's like the spark in our relationship is back, and it's never been any better.
00:01:54Like, I don't know, maybe it's just me.
00:01:57Maybe I've had a lot of time to think, you know.
00:02:01Don't know.
00:02:07Maybe it's, isn't it, you know.
00:02:13The one thing I'm sure about, is, I want to spend the rest of my life with you.
00:02:27Miles, wait.
00:02:31Gemma.
00:02:33Will you marry me?
00:02:39I know it's just a band, but I promise you when I get the money, you know, I'll get you
00:02:43a diamond.
00:02:44What do you say?
00:02:51I've got something to come first.
00:02:54What?
00:02:55I'm not your man.
00:02:59You are?
00:03:01I'm not, Gemma.
00:03:08You are joking, right?
00:03:25I met Gemma just under a week and a half ago, and it was half a year to be around
00:03:31later than that.
00:03:32We were twins, and we were twins, and I mean, you weren't even surprised with the piano play.
00:03:50Miles, please.
00:03:51Miles, please.
00:03:52Can you explain?
00:03:52John, I just...
00:03:53You could have just said no, early, instead of making that ridiculous story.
00:04:00Miles...
00:04:01Look, Miles, please.
00:04:02Please.
00:04:28Please.
00:04:31Barrel problem?
00:04:34I'm so sump.
00:05:00I don't know this rubbish doolong, I don't want the electric to go on through my roof.
00:05:07Come on Trey, have a dance. Yeah, come on Trey.
00:05:13Some of us have work to do.
00:05:18Hey, you haven't had a job since 1997.
00:05:22Cheeky, I'm working, alright.
00:05:26Don't do it again.
00:05:29Definitely a scam.
00:05:45Linda's a tenner mum.
00:05:47Not my other money.
00:05:48Don't be so stingy I don't get paid for another two weeks.
00:05:52I'm sure I can work somewhere out.
00:05:54You won a job, cash in hand.
00:05:56Sounds good, want you scheming?
00:05:58Me scheming?
00:06:07Tracey's luxury getaway, isn't this about?
00:06:09No, you mine.
00:06:10More than mine.
00:06:12OK.
00:06:13You remember that holiday letter scheme I had?
00:06:17Well, you're going to have to be more specific than that.
00:06:19The cockroaches.
00:06:20Gross.
00:06:21Gross, yeah.
00:06:22What about it?
00:06:22All those cheap places, they don't give refunds, do they?
00:06:26They give vouchers.
00:06:28But I ran that scheme five times before they worked it out.
00:06:31Now I've got good credit.
00:06:34OK.
00:06:35So, I now rent a place, sublet it on my website.
00:06:43I've put a few targeted adverts in posh areas.
00:06:47Surely this can't work?
00:06:49It has.
00:06:51I've just rented an art deco cottage.
00:06:54I've rented it a couple of days either side so you can go in, sort the place out,
00:06:59then clean up before the real owners get in and check it out.
00:07:03How much then?
00:07:06Fifty quid.
00:07:11Deal.
00:07:17Oh God, it's me, Ed.
00:07:18What's E1?
00:07:19Oh.
00:07:24Hello.
00:07:26Yes, this is she.
00:07:29Yes.
00:07:30I've just got your booking.
00:07:33Oh, I'm just wondering how private and secure your listing is.
00:07:37Yes, the family does need security and a private environment.
00:07:41Don't worry.
00:07:42It's a lovely, quiet area.
00:07:45Perfect for walks.
00:07:47Oh, excellent.
00:07:49One of our parties will be coming and arriving on the Saturday,
00:07:53and the rest of the parties will be arriving the following day.
00:07:57Perfect.
00:07:59And you're happy to pay for the security in advance?
00:08:04Oh, yes.
00:08:05Of course.
00:08:05That's not a problem.
00:08:07Wonderful.
00:08:09You will, of course, get it back when we've checked over the property after your client leaves.
00:08:15Oh, wonderful.
00:08:17If I have any more questions, I'll give you another ring.
00:08:20I'm happy to have served you, madam.
00:08:23Okay.
00:08:24Goodbye.
00:08:24Bye-bye.
00:08:26Is everything gone fact?
00:08:28Oh, yes, Princess.
00:08:29Your getaway makes.
00:08:31Would you like me to tell this in Her Majesty?
00:08:34No, no.
00:08:35I'll tell them at the luncheon.
00:08:37Is anything wrong, Princess?
00:08:39You do look as though you've got the weight of the world on your shoulders.
00:08:44I have something to tell them when we're on holiday.
00:08:46I don't think they're going to be very happy with me.
00:08:50I'm happy to listen.
00:08:53Perhaps I'm just being silly.
00:08:55Anyway, we need to look at next week's schedule.
00:08:58I don't know.
00:09:00Of course.
00:09:03Is she trouble?
00:09:07Is she trouble?
00:09:09I don't know.
00:09:16Oh, my, we're starving.
00:09:19James, what are you doing?
00:09:20You're going to choke?
00:09:22Oh, yes.
00:09:36Told you.
00:09:37Shut up.
00:09:43Do you think there should be more to life than there?
00:09:45What do you mean?
00:09:47I feel stuck, you know.
00:09:49Same old job, same old friends, same old...
00:09:51everything, you know.
00:09:53Until I went lottery or marry a prince, this is all we've got.
00:09:59And what about us?
00:10:00What do you mean?
00:10:01Where do you see us heading?
00:10:02I'm not having kids, if that's what you mean.
00:10:04No, I don't mean...
00:10:04My mum will kill me if I make her a grandmother.
00:10:08Being silly.
00:10:09She's got knives in a garage bigger than Rambos.
00:10:13You said you had some bits to tell me, is that it?
00:10:16No, it's from life.
00:10:39It's gorgeous.
00:10:42What do you know about Bohemia?
00:10:45You're a Pontings girl.
00:10:47Watch it, trappy.
00:10:49Besides, I wish I could stay here.
00:10:52It's already spotless.
00:10:53What do we do then?
00:10:55Well, we've got to clean up half of ourselves
00:10:56and then we've got to swap the brochures and the guest books
00:10:59to me mum so they think it's hers.
00:11:00Oh, easy.
00:11:02Besides, we wouldn't make that much mess, will we?
00:11:11You know what?
00:11:13The mouths don't excite me anymore.
00:11:16What about that fella that tried chatting us up
00:11:18in the club last week?
00:11:19He was fake.
00:11:21Oh, no, no.
00:11:22I don't.
00:11:23Yeah, well, it miles your time.
00:11:27He used to be a boy.
00:11:29Hmm.
00:11:29No beats my ass.
00:11:31Hmm.
00:11:32Hmm.
00:11:33Hmm.
00:11:42Oh.
00:11:55Stop.
00:11:56Don't take my pillows away.
00:11:59These are my pillows, love.
00:12:00Hmm.
00:12:08Oh, my God.
00:12:09They're checking in on them, what?
00:12:11Quick away.
00:12:15Keep your hands on.
00:12:20Hey.
00:12:21Oh, yeah, mum.
00:12:23Oh, yeah, we're fine.
00:12:25We're just doing final checks and that.
00:12:28Yeah, yeah, when the first person arrives.
00:12:32Yeah, yeah, fine, fine.
00:12:34Yeah, later.
00:12:38Clean up now.
00:12:40Okay.
00:12:43Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
00:13:00yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
00:13:00yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
00:13:00yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
00:13:01yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
00:13:01yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
00:13:17Oh, great. We're here.
00:13:20Oh, finally.
00:13:22It'd be so good to just relax and not have to think about my duties.
00:13:25And I've just got one last email to send.
00:13:28Okay. I'll go and grab the keys.
00:13:49Oh, excuse me. Morning. Sorry a bit, Larry Luke.
00:13:53No problem. We're just finished. I've got the keys here for you.
00:13:58Oh, thank you. I'll give these to my boss.
00:14:02Great. I'll just go grab my colleague.
00:14:28What is it?
00:14:30She's there.
00:14:31Oh, is she?
00:14:32Okay, I'm just doing this last little bit.
00:14:33Bebs, bebs. I'm going to make a dash to the train, all right?
00:14:35My auntie wants her nails doing, and she's always generous.
00:14:40Okay, I'll see you later, sweet.
00:14:48I'm shooting off. Have a lovely step.
00:14:51Oh, thank you.
00:15:00I think I'll get a crash in the car.
00:15:02She looks like she really likes the ride and didn't let it over here.
00:15:05Oh, are you sure you'll be okay? You might just...
00:15:07Oh, yes, there's a little shop just down the road.
00:15:12A corner shop?
00:15:15Have you ever been in a shop before?
00:15:17Is it my parents?
00:16:01Oh, wow, you really are letting it all hang out, aren't you, Princess?
00:16:07Oh, you should put a cardigan on in case of the paparazzi.
00:16:11Oh, and to keep you warm.
00:16:13What?
00:16:15I'll have to run now, Princess.
00:16:17Excuse me.
00:16:18Oh, I've got to go and do a shift at the teabag factory and have a hot pot.
00:16:27Oh, you do amuse me, Princess.
00:16:29Call me Princess again and I'll show you how amusing I can be.
00:16:34There are, love.
00:16:49Sorry, love.
00:16:50I mean, madam, I've just left my phone.
00:16:53I'll just grab it.
00:17:03Yeah.
00:17:04No, don't mind me.
00:17:13No!
00:17:18Listen, I've had the place redecorated.
00:17:21Now, I've already put in some scratches so they'll knock 10% off, but you'll have to pay for the
00:17:26rest.
00:17:31Maybe it's time your constituencies and your wife found out what it is you get up to.
00:17:40Don't get funny with me, buddy boy.
00:17:42I've still got the photos.
00:17:44You've got plenty of money.
00:17:49Good.
00:17:50That's better.
00:17:52Now, I want it in my account by the end of the day.
00:17:57Who was that?
00:17:59Mayor.
00:18:00What?
00:18:01I used to date him about 10 years back.
00:18:05You wouldn't believe the dirt I've got on him.
00:18:10Oh, my gosh.
00:18:12That's a girl I feel sorry for.
00:18:15Anyway, what can I do for you, lover boy?
00:18:19I've come to see Gemma.
00:18:21Oh, she's not here.
00:18:22She's at our holiday cottage.
00:18:25You've got a holiday cottage?
00:18:26Yes.
00:18:27Well, kind of.
00:18:29Anyway, she'll be back in a few hours.
00:18:35This is well bizarre.
00:18:39Maybe we're ducks, Gainus.
00:18:41I think they're a bit more than lookalikes, Flower.
00:18:44So what are we?
00:18:46Who's your dad?
00:18:49Well, my father is king of a small island and a British rule.
00:18:54That's good.
00:18:55Because my mum's the queen of Sheba, love.
00:18:57Is she pregnant?
00:18:58Oh.
00:19:00Mum, I was born in this country.
00:19:03They had to reside here during the coup.
00:19:06And the child of my lord is prone to it, unfortunately.
00:19:09We did try to move back.
00:19:11But ended up right here.
00:19:13So technically, my father is nothing more than a lord.
00:19:20Well, that sucks.
00:19:22Was your dad a bit of a lathario?
00:19:24I beg your pardon?
00:19:26I never met me dad.
00:19:28Me mum says they were like ships passing at nine.
00:19:31He might have done everything more than a knight, would they?
00:19:33I mean, 33 years ago.
00:19:36What's your birthday?
00:19:38April 1st.
00:19:40April 1st.
00:19:41Mine too.
00:19:44But I'm 39.
00:19:47Fine, alright.
00:19:49I'm 39.
00:19:51We're obviously twins.
00:19:53Everything matches.
00:19:54Well, how are we going to find out?
00:19:56Hang on.
00:20:01Where are you?
00:20:02I've got a question for you, mum.
00:20:04Alright, let's be out.
00:20:06Was my old man a king or the lord?
00:20:09What are you talking about?
00:20:11Are you taking the mick?
00:20:13No, do you reckon he was?
00:20:15He were barely a court, just a love.
00:20:18Well, I don't suppose you had two kids and gave one away.
00:20:24Have you been drinking again?
00:20:37I mean, it's impossible.
00:20:39My mother gave birth to me.
00:20:41Well, it's a mystery.
00:20:45Hold on.
00:20:48You're kidding me.
00:20:50What?
00:20:51I'm just dreaming.
00:20:52Wait.
00:20:54Who did I like?
00:20:57I'm not dreaming.
00:20:59It's real.
00:21:00Look, I'm going to have to go soon.
00:21:03Why?
00:21:04Yeah, I've got to get back on the grind.
00:21:06I can't sit here with you all day being a princess.
00:21:11Well, it's not all it's cracked up to be.
00:21:13I can assure you.
00:21:15Yeah, well, try being me.
00:21:17Trying to scrape by with a boring boyfriend who I'm pretty sure can't stand me right now.
00:21:23Let alone me mother.
00:21:25Christ.
00:21:26She's not nice.
00:21:29No.
00:21:30I wouldn't say that, but she's just complicated.
00:21:34She must be doing all right, though.
00:21:37She has a second property.
00:21:38So what's so bad about your life, princess?
00:21:44Well, I'm expected to act a certain way.
00:21:48I'm object a certain image.
00:21:50And, well, I just don't feel true to myself.
00:21:55I have to have dinners with nords, ladies, politicians, kings and queens sometimes.
00:22:03I mean, I even used to date William before we met Kate.
00:22:07Seriously?
00:22:09Yes.
00:22:11It's just such an effort having to dress up all the time and be so demure.
00:22:22What is it?
00:22:28Well, we went to a gala a few weeks ago.
00:22:32And there was a lady playing the piano.
00:22:35I've been learning the piano for years, and I stopped to listen to her.
00:22:44But my mother wouldn't let me.
00:22:48She said she was nearly the hired help.
00:22:50I just didn't understand why they made me learn to play if I wasn't ever able to.
00:23:01I felt so trapped.
00:23:05And she just looked so free.
00:23:08Well, I can tell you being the hired help ain't what it's cracked up to be.
00:23:14I'd love to feel in part and, you know, be the senator of attention.
00:23:21I have an idea.
00:23:24What?
00:23:27Why don't we spot the aces for a week?
00:23:30You're having a laugh, aren't you?
00:23:33No, I'm being serious.
00:23:35A week?
00:23:39Why not?
00:23:40We're identical.
00:23:41We just need to go over everything that we need to know.
00:23:50Booger it.
00:23:51Mine up.
00:23:53You're serious, that's true.
00:23:54What?
00:24:55So we could go through the physical side of it all.
00:24:58What do you mean?
00:25:02Well, you walk like a member of Oasis.
00:25:05No offence.
00:25:07None taken.
00:25:09I need to teach you how to walk, talk and eat like a princess.
00:25:12What next? Poop like a princess?
00:25:16How vulgar.
00:25:18I've got my work cut out for me.
00:25:20Sorry.
00:25:22You get some sleep now.
00:25:24You've got to start early before my family arrives.
00:25:29I want to talk like a princess.
00:25:36I want to walk like a princess.
00:25:42I want to dress to impress like a princess.
00:25:52But I'm not going to be your princess.
00:25:56I'm going to be my own princess.
00:26:00My own princess.
00:26:03Be my own princess.
00:26:10I am going to talk like a princess.
00:26:17I am going to walk like a princess.
00:26:24I am going to dress like a princess.
00:26:31I am going to be, I am going to be my own princess.
00:26:41I am going to be my own princess.
00:27:10Sure.
00:27:12You?
00:27:13Yeah.
00:27:15I'll get Connie to pick you up from here.
00:27:17And I'll get a new Uber to take to my desk.
00:27:24What a little of those in the river and doesn't hide.
00:27:28Get that.
00:27:30We're going to have to swap clothes too.
00:27:34This is really comfy.
00:27:38Well, you need to stand and straighten up, shoulders back.
00:27:45You know, good luck.
00:27:47He'll get a taxi to pick you up and drop me off at mine.
00:27:49It's just opposite the flower shop.
00:27:54I'm nervous.
00:27:55Well, I'd say it don't, but my mum can be a bit scarier sometimes.
00:28:12Morning. Are you all right?
00:28:16Yes. Your family's waiting for you at the holiday, Cartier.
00:28:22Sniffing. One's high tea.
00:28:24High tea?
00:28:25Yeah, like cucumber sandwiches and all that.
00:28:30All that?
00:28:33Are you playing with me?
00:28:35Oh, yeah. Um, you got me.
00:28:41After you, Your Own Highness.
00:29:02I do...
00:29:04I don't do.
00:29:07I... I... I... I...
00:29:09I... I... I...
00:29:10I... I...
00:29:11Have a book.
00:29:14What about you, Ed?
00:29:16Bloody hell, Gemma.
00:29:18I only saw you yesterday.
00:29:21You'd been on the extra insiders last night.
00:29:36Well, well, well, well.
00:29:38The Princess returns.
00:29:40Her Majesty has deigned to share her presence.
00:29:44Excuse me.
00:29:47I don't know what you're talking about.
00:29:49So, look.
00:29:51Was Gemma with you last night?
00:29:53No, I thought she was back here.
00:29:59Well, um...
00:30:01I just...
00:30:02fancied a night out.
00:30:04I mean...
00:30:05Is that a crime?
00:30:06Do what you like.
00:30:08I had to entertain your dopey boyfriend.
00:30:14Oh, Miles, for God's sake.
00:30:16Bloody hell, lad.
00:30:17It's like looking in a butcher's window.
00:30:18Cover yourself up.
00:30:20Gems, can we, uh...
00:30:21Can we have a chat later?
00:30:50Gems, can we have a chat later?
00:30:53Oh, Connie.
00:30:55Oh, thank God.
00:30:56Were they stuck here without any help for an hour?
00:30:59It's been frightful.
00:31:01We're dying for a cup of tea.
00:31:02I have no idea how the contraption works.
00:31:05The thing.
00:31:07You mean the kettle.
00:31:09Or that.
00:31:10Don't worry, Your Majesty.
00:31:12I'll make the tea.
00:31:14Is Diana here yet?
00:31:16She's, uh, outside in the courtyard.
00:31:19Oh, God.
00:31:21You're right.
00:31:23Oh, what's the matter, Your Majesty?
00:31:25Since when do you call Father now, Your Majesty and Lady?
00:31:29Oh.
00:31:30Sorry, Mother.
00:31:32Did Nancy do your make-up?
00:31:35It's too much.
00:31:36You look like one of those American princesses.
00:31:39I did my make-up.
00:31:41Well, it looks like you've used a spray can, darling.
00:31:44Have your sister do it.
00:31:46Nancy has the week off.
00:31:48Diana?
00:31:49Yes, Diana.
00:31:51Go on.
00:31:52Shoo, shoo.
00:31:57Hey, sis.
00:32:01You've never called me sis before.
00:32:04Um, heavens, who did your make-up?
00:32:07A mortician?
00:32:09Um, Mother's asked you to help me.
00:32:13I'm fine.
00:32:17Oh, it's great.
00:32:28Don't make habit of it.
00:32:31Thank you, Diana.
00:32:32I don't think you've thanked me for anything.
00:32:36Oh.
00:32:39Sorry.
00:32:41And you've never apologised, either.
00:32:43Did you get a visit from three ghosts last night?
00:32:46Did they know they're too late for Christmas?
00:32:51So, what do you think about the Holiday Cottage?
00:32:54I don't know what possessed you to book this, when we could have gone to Uncle Giles' chateau in Monaco.
00:33:01I think it's nice to switch things up a little.
00:33:04You're odd today, Carinthia.
00:33:06Very, very odd.
00:33:08I'm just happy to see you.
00:33:10Ew.
00:33:11Look, just pick out a nice dress.
00:33:14Daddy's been invited to Lordworth, Nell's latest gathering.
00:33:16Where to make our token appearances.
00:33:20Is it going to be posh?
00:33:23Lords, dignitaries, royalty.
00:33:26Not posh at all, darling.
00:33:29Did you bang your head?
00:33:51All right, well, posh by a bit of a wee.
00:34:21Oh, my God.
00:34:22This is an open bar, is it not?
00:34:28The bar is paid for, yes.
00:34:33Drink, Connie?
00:34:36I can't, I'm working.
00:34:40I think you just need to relax.
00:34:42You look a bit all uptight.
00:34:50Come on, let's go out.
00:34:58Better get off soon, covering someone's shift.
00:35:03I really want to go clubbing tonight instead.
00:35:05Oh, I don't, yeah.
00:35:07Because if I don't work, I don't get paid.
00:35:10Don't get paid, can't pay me bill.
00:35:12Well, on and on it goes.
00:35:13Right?
00:35:14You can't just ask for some money off your parents.
00:35:17My tail burn, Daddy.
00:35:20If you had a loob buried somewhere,
00:35:21I wouldn't tell me where it was.
00:35:23Mum's more broke than me.
00:35:28How long have we known each other now?
00:35:31Blimey.
00:35:33What were we?
00:35:35Ball, pies, back in primary school.
00:35:38A lifetime of shenanigans ever since.
00:35:45Did I ever tell you about me, Dad?
00:35:47Only that your mum didn't know who it was.
00:35:50She thinks she's lying about that.
00:35:54Honestly, I never know where your mum are.
00:35:56What, she's a lover.
00:36:00Should we get ready for Miles?
00:36:03Yeah.
00:36:05Look, if you're going to dump him,
00:36:07let him down gently.
00:36:08All right?
00:36:10He's a nice guy.
00:36:12Why was she...
00:36:13I mean, why would I dump him?
00:36:14Don't know about Armie Grant.
00:36:15Do you remember her?
00:36:16Or Daphne Breen?
00:36:18Eh?
00:36:18Oh, never mind.
00:36:20Go easy on him.
00:36:22All right?
00:36:24Yeah, OK.
00:36:26Do you know the way to Nashall?
00:36:28That's where I've gone and meet him.
00:36:30You don't remember?
00:36:31Well, not exactly, no.
00:36:32Well, show her a cab with me.
00:36:33We'll dump you off on the way, sweet.
00:36:56Honestly, Carinthia,
00:36:59I've never seen you act like that before.
00:37:10What were you drinking?
00:37:13Not beer, was it?
00:37:15It was bitter, Papa.
00:37:17A princess does not drink bitter beer, lager, or anything you might find in a public house.
00:37:28Unless it's high-class spirits, like champagne.
00:37:33And good champagne at that.
00:37:35Can I not drink cider?
00:37:38What?
00:37:39It was a genuine question.
00:37:41Listen, Carinthia, you need to start to improve your behaviour.
00:37:45We have our reputation to uphold.
00:37:49Chokes of decorum.
00:37:52Chokes of decorum.
00:37:52Not that.
00:37:53Not that.
00:37:59Well, that went surprisingly well.
00:38:05Anyway, what's a decorum?
00:38:09It's like pity, kids.
00:38:12You took classes in it.
00:38:15Oh.
00:38:24You've upset your father, young lady.
00:38:27I'm 39, you're much rather.
00:38:31Well, perhaps you should act like it.
00:38:33Now, we have something important for you to do next week.
00:38:36Father has some friends in Switzerland.
00:38:38Very upper crust.
00:38:40He's told them you spent two years at RADA and performed plays across Europe.
00:38:45Why'd you tell them that?
00:38:48Because you did, Carinthia.
00:38:51So, we'd like you to do a short performance for them.
00:38:55We've booked a rehearsal space in two days.
00:38:58We'll let you know what play it is when we decide.
00:39:01But you know them all off by heart, anyway.
00:39:05Gee.
00:39:07Thanks.
00:39:09Stick to her like glue.
00:39:10Make sure she's focused.
00:39:12And no more foolishness.
00:39:14Okay, Connie?
00:39:17Yes, Your Majesty.
00:39:32Wiles?
00:39:35Hello?
00:39:37Are you here?
00:39:42Miles?
00:39:45Miles?
00:39:49Miles?
00:39:50Miles?
00:42:10You do?
00:42:12You know I do.
00:42:13I used to play when I was younger.
00:42:16No one here is good as hell.
00:42:18That was...
00:42:19That was brilliant.
00:42:26It's not a bad place to work, is it?
00:42:34What do you do?
00:42:38I told you about this last time I was here.
00:42:41Right, you're in your own pub sometimes, I swear.
00:42:44I'm the maintenance guy, so I make sure the stage mechanics and the sound are tipped up.
00:42:52How marvelous.
00:43:00I need to lock up now, okay?
00:43:01So why don't we go for a walk and go to the pub?
00:43:06Have a game of darts?
00:43:07Yes.
00:43:08Yeah, let's have a game of darts and a few drinks.
00:43:12Um...
00:43:14Why don't we go on a walk?
00:43:16I mean, it's a lovely day out and, uh, do you know any good viewpoints?
00:43:25Sure, yeah.
00:43:26And maybe we can have a chat about things.
00:43:36You sure it's that dodgy?
00:43:38Would I do anything dodgy?
00:43:41Well, where'd you get him?
00:43:43The random line at, uh, uh, jewelers I do some cleaning at.
00:43:47They were just going to throw it out, don't we?
00:43:49How?
00:43:50Not a cabbage trace.
00:43:52It's a story.
00:43:56Hey.
00:43:57Good stuff, innit?
00:43:59He did some diamonds.
00:44:01Of course, I'll give him a cut once we've sold it.
00:44:05But what I need you to do is to pass it off on a couple of pawn shops in town.
00:44:09Why can't you do it?
00:44:11Yeah, no, I would.
00:44:12But I've heard many, and technically I'm on disability benefits,
00:44:17so, uh, they can't sit me rushing up and downtown.
00:44:20You know, between pawn shops.
00:44:23Hmm.
00:44:23Think about it.
00:44:25I don't think too long, love.
00:44:36Be careful.
00:44:39You all right?
00:44:40Yeah.
00:44:43You know, it's so beautiful out here.
00:44:47It's so peaceful.
00:44:50Yeah, I know.
00:44:51It's...
00:44:52It's...
00:44:53Well, I come up here quite a lot, you know, to clear my head and...
00:44:57I can see why.
00:45:00Really?
00:45:01Well, this...
00:45:02This isn't your cup of tea jams, right?
00:45:05You...
00:45:05You never really wanted to do this.
00:45:07Oh, more for me, innit?
00:45:09Yeah.
00:45:10Heh.
00:45:11Yeah, I suppose.
00:45:17You cold?
00:45:18Yeah, it's chillier than I thought.
00:45:22Come here.
00:45:26This isn't normal.
00:45:28Really?
00:45:29Really?
00:45:30Yeah.
00:45:31But, right now, normally it's a Huggins woke and lock your ass off.
00:45:41What did you need to tell me?
00:45:50Do you think we're good together?
00:45:51What do you mean?
00:45:53I don't know.
00:45:54Sometimes I feel like you're not really that into me.
00:45:58No, I'm sorry.
00:46:00Sometimes I just get caught up in myself.
00:46:02Look.
00:46:05You're really warm-hearted and you're wonderful.
00:46:08I mean, is that...
00:46:09That's a bit forward of me to say.
00:46:12Not really, James.
00:46:13Like, we have been going out for a year now.
00:46:22Come on.
00:46:24Shall I get you home?
00:46:50There's something that I tell.
00:46:53You won't care, sister. You never do.
00:46:55Of course I do.
00:46:57Shouldn't you be offering a groveling apology to Mumsy and Dadsy?
00:47:01Dadsy already gave me a rollicking.
00:47:04A rollicking?
00:47:05Yeah, you know what I mean.
00:47:09Must say, I found it rather amusing.
00:47:16Okay, sis.
00:47:19What's his name? What's he doing?
00:47:22How on earth do you know?
00:47:25Mmm, I know that look.
00:47:28Come on then, lady bomb.
00:47:32It's Nathaniel.
00:47:35He's up to his old tricks again.
00:47:37Father is insistent that he's going to make an excellent husband.
00:47:41But...
00:47:42He's only considering Nathaniel's family and their standing.
00:47:46As for Nathaniel himself.
00:47:49So is more on there?
00:47:52Yes.
00:47:53Yes.
00:47:54I suppose so.
00:47:58He might have been born with wealth, but...
00:48:01Not so much of a brain.
00:48:05That is nothing you've done.
00:48:09He can't keep his hands off the maids.
00:48:13His father's had to fire several of the house staff for fraternising with Nathaniel after dark.
00:48:19Yeah.
00:48:20So he can't be trusted.
00:48:22God, it's ridiculous.
00:48:24These men in high society are almost expected to behave like this and suffer no consequences.
00:48:30Mmm.
00:48:31You should suffer consequences, like a swift knee to the family jewels.
00:48:37Sister...
00:48:38Perhaps you're right.
00:48:41Besides...
00:48:42Those 12 months studying judo under Grandmaster Takashi that father paid for...
00:48:48I suppose I could put them to good leaves.
00:48:55What's over you two?
00:48:59Don't settle for second best.
00:49:03Always follow your heart.
00:49:06I mean, you might not always be right.
00:49:10Would it be your bad?
00:49:13And not father's judgement?
00:49:18I suppose I should get ready to face him.
00:49:21I'm going to Nathaniel's family manor tonight with Mumsy and Dadsy.
00:49:28Forget the bit about the knee to the spuds.
00:49:31We don't get...
00:49:34Just be firm...
00:49:37and honest.
00:49:42Mmm.
00:50:03You've got a cup of tea.
00:50:06I...
00:50:07I should.
00:50:09You're not so surprised.
00:50:12You've never made a cup of tea before.
00:50:15You usually ask me.
00:50:18Well, I can assure you that I make a grape.
00:50:21So sit down, relax, take away off.
00:50:27You seem very different.
00:50:48I'm impressed.
00:50:51It's only a cup of tea, Connie.
00:50:56Anyway, I've been an agony aunt all day.
00:50:59So if you want to chat, go away.
00:51:02Me?
00:51:04Chat?
00:51:06About what?
00:51:07What?
00:51:10Your love life?
00:51:13My love life?
00:51:15Good God!
00:51:17If you want to talk about disasters, let's talk about, I don't know, Pompeii or Titanic.
00:51:25So there's no man in your life?
00:51:27No.
00:51:29No man.
00:51:31No woman either.
00:51:36Well, the truth is, working for a family of royals takes all my time.
00:51:41Don't get me wrong.
00:51:42I do love it.
00:51:44But it takes all my time.
00:51:47And I am on call 24-7.
00:51:50Well, you need to set some boundaries and some times.
00:51:54What?
00:51:54You know, workers' rights and all that.
00:51:59You, of all people, are saying that?
00:52:08Anyway, this tea looks like it needs biscuits.
00:52:13And I know you work with the royals and probably love a rich tea.
00:52:17And I prefer custard cream.
00:52:21Me too.
00:52:23Do you know what?
00:52:24I've got some upstairs in my suitcase.
00:52:29My guilty pleasure.
00:52:32Go grab him then.
00:52:33Go.
00:52:43Yeah, I've got my daughter's mate to do it.
00:52:46She's going to do the ones for me.
00:52:48It's a bit silly, but I reckon there's a fair few grand there.
00:52:53How do you think I've got it?
00:52:56Five-finger discount, mate.
00:52:59Oh, yeah.
00:53:00You'd be surprised at what I've stolen.
00:53:13I mean...
00:53:16Whatever she's told you to do, don't do it.
00:53:18Why not?
00:53:19Well, I think she's doing something unlawful.
00:53:21So, Gora.
00:53:23So what?
00:53:24You can't take the risk for someone else.
00:53:27Lighten up, gems.
00:53:29You've been well uptight lately.
00:53:32Come on.
00:53:33Let's have a rave.
00:53:44Oh, my God.
00:53:45Let's have a rave.
00:53:49Oh, my gosh.
00:53:50Look at my rave.
00:53:51That's my life gift.
00:54:01Space beat.
00:54:43This is, this is much nicer.
00:54:50It is, actually.
00:55:21What are you two girls doing?
00:55:27We were just dancing, Your Majesty.
00:55:30Dancing? Why?
00:55:31I was teaching her how to dance.
00:55:36If we had a reason for Carina to dance,
00:55:38we would have hired a teacher.
00:55:41From the Royal London School of Ballet to teach her.
00:55:46We've tried that once, Ralph.
00:55:48She has no rhythm, like Bambi on ice.
00:55:51Oh, yeah, it's yes, of course.
00:55:55A word, Connie.
00:56:06I'm coming to see you.
00:56:08Right, come in to your mind, gentlemen.
00:56:11I think you need to start to focus a bit.
00:56:15We've got a busy year ahead.
00:56:18It's very important that everybody is on the ball.
00:56:21You have a reputation, too.
00:56:24Right, you are, Kingy.
00:56:26Kingy.
00:56:27Kingy.
00:56:28Sorry for that.
00:56:34I'm coming to see you.
00:56:39I'm coming to see you.
00:56:59Prepare for a performance to the theatre.
00:56:59God.
00:57:00I mean, I haven't acted in years in Shakespeare.
00:57:04It's so old.
00:57:07He's dead in me.
00:57:11I should hope so.
00:58:02To be or not.
00:58:05To be, to be, to be, or not.
00:58:14To be, to be.
00:58:19It's just too much for me.
00:58:23I'm not what you want.
00:58:33I'm not what you want.
00:58:36I'm not what you want.
00:58:42I'm not what you want.
00:58:46I'm not what you want.
00:58:55Yeah, you're right.
00:58:57And then we can go to the park.
00:59:14I'm not what you want.
00:59:16It's Miss Frempton.
00:59:18Is it?
00:59:19I think it's okay.
00:59:20Yeah.
00:59:22The lights are on.
00:59:22The theatre's yours.
00:59:24The caretaker will be back later to lock up when you're done.
00:59:26And I just need to go back inside to pack some stuff away and then I'll be gone.
00:59:33This is King Ralph, Queen Christine and their daughter, Princess Diana, the Isle of Marwood.
00:59:42Um, it's, it's really important to me, yeah.
00:59:46I'm so sorry about my squirtly parents.
00:59:49Oh, not at all.
00:59:49You've copped the room working very hard.
00:59:51I do me best.
00:59:53Can you show us to Lizzie, you too?
00:59:58Miss Corinthians here.
00:59:59Doing warm-up exercise, apparently.
01:00:03Ah, this way.
01:00:09Right, you get ready and then head over to the maze sage.
01:00:14Do you want me to tell you where it is?
01:00:16I know where it is.
01:00:18Oh.
01:00:21Well, good luck then.
01:00:26Oh.
01:00:28Sorry, I, I thought...
01:00:35Honey!
01:00:48Thank you, Lec.
01:01:03Come on, darling.
01:01:04We haven't got all day.
01:01:14What's the matter with you?
01:01:17We've been through Summer Night's Dream a hundred times.
01:01:21I'm so stressed.
01:01:23I've got so much going on here.
01:01:24I just can't remember anything.
01:01:27Can you remember anything?
01:01:34The passage form that you wrote me a little bit?
01:01:38I need you to be my own king.
01:01:41Try, I'm sorry.
01:01:42I need you to be my son.
01:02:02What's up, baby?
01:02:04Remia, can I, Thou, believe not, but be sworn by love, and I'll no longer be a cabinet?
01:02:33What did I do?
01:02:47Are you okay, Your Majesty?
01:02:50It's silly, really. I just have bittersweet memories of that play. I was watching a performance of Rowan Gillette when
01:02:59my water broke. Well, not very legal behaviour on my part. I'll be back out in a second.
01:03:11Is she okay?
01:03:13Yes. She'll be back soon.
01:03:17I think we'll call it a dance performance. It was okay. I liked it, Quincy. But I think we were
01:03:26doing better off with one of the other plays. Mother wasn't a fan.
01:03:31Well, I think it was a play she was watching while she was in labour.
01:03:38Oh, dear.
01:03:43Oh, my darling child. My little Juliet. I do wonder where you are.
01:03:59Mother, are you okay?
01:04:02I'm sorry, my darling. I was being silly.
01:04:07Did you?
01:04:08Did you change our day?
01:04:11I'm just very free.
01:04:15Who's Juliet with her?
01:04:18Oh, I doubt not. We can join you there.
01:04:20Oh, dear.
01:04:34Oh, dear.
01:04:35Oh, dear.
01:04:39Oh, dear.
01:04:50Well, that's what Stacey said. Your mother's our cellmate.
01:04:54That's impossible.
01:04:55Is it, Gemma?
01:04:57We're twins.
01:04:59I mean, I know she messed up, but I just can't imagine her stealing a baby.
01:05:13Only me.
01:05:15Sorry.
01:05:16His Majesty wants his golf cardigan.
01:05:19We simply can't play without it, apparently.
01:05:22Who'd have thought such young people would have been so important, eh?
01:05:35Oh, my.
01:05:39Look.
01:06:03Oh.
01:06:07Oh.
01:06:09Are you okay, Connie?
01:06:10Carincia?
01:06:12Yeah.
01:06:14It's me.
01:06:20Gemma.
01:06:26Ah.
01:06:28So it was you this past week.
01:06:31I knew something was different.
01:06:37You're the bitter drinker.
01:06:39Bitter?
01:06:41That's not important.
01:06:50I'll let Gemma explain.
01:06:52It's all got rather complicated.
01:06:55So it better be good.
01:07:00Your devious mother, sublet of this place, we don't even know, ain't it?
01:07:04I met Carincia when you checked in.
01:07:07I mean, it was obvious we were related and we just wanted to know the truth.
01:07:12But you swapped places.
01:07:16Curious, eh?
01:07:17She was tired of her life and...
01:07:21Well, I just wanted to know what it felt like to be a princess for a while.
01:07:26I mean, we knew deep down it had something to do with...
01:07:30I mean, Mum, if I can even call her that.
01:07:34But...
01:07:35What did she do?
01:07:37Well, it turns out...
01:07:39She stole her baby when she was in prison.
01:07:42On the basis of the mother didn't need to.
01:07:45That's awful.
01:07:47Yeah, and the king and queen kept it quiet.
01:07:51Well, I never heard anything about it.
01:07:54I can assure you.
01:07:55Yeah, but we need proof.
01:07:59We need to get evidence off my mum.
01:08:02You have to tell the king and queen.
01:08:05We need to sort my mum...
01:08:06Tracy out for this.
01:08:09And then we'll tell the king.
01:08:10I kept wondering why your voice was different.
01:08:14And the accent kept slipping.
01:08:19Look.
01:08:21This is the real me.
01:08:23I'm just a gobby Yorkshire lass.
01:08:29I quite like it.
01:08:34I don't know what...
01:08:36this means between us, dog.
01:08:41Us.
01:08:44I like you.
01:08:46I really like you.
01:08:50Oh.
01:08:52Well.
01:09:15This will take some explaining to do.
01:09:18To my employers.
01:09:22Oh.
01:09:40Julia.
01:09:42What are you doing in my room?
01:09:45How could you?
01:09:47What?
01:09:48That's nothing.
01:09:49Why did you lie to me, Tracy?
01:09:52How did you find out?
01:09:55Well, it turns out...
01:09:57I met my twin sister, the bonafide princess,
01:10:00when my real family checked into the holiday cottage.
01:10:03Royals.
01:10:05I knew they were rich, but royals.
01:10:08I've got an idea.
01:10:09You're coming with me to the cottage.
01:10:11I'm not.
01:10:12We're going to the police.
01:10:13Oh, don't test me.
01:10:16After all, you're not my daughter, are you?
01:10:20Now, come on!
01:10:22Quit asking!
01:10:22Let him!
01:10:23Oh!
01:10:27Pussed creams.
01:10:29Are you sure?
01:10:33Live a little.
01:10:38There's no other way to say it no more, Daddy.
01:10:41You've not brought Shane on the phone, have you?
01:10:45No.
01:10:47But...
01:10:49I have a confession to make.
01:10:52Over the past week, it hasn't been me.
01:10:56Say, girl.
01:10:57You were here this morning, weren't you?
01:10:59It wasn't me.
01:11:01She might have started her experimental phase, darling.
01:11:06What have you taken, Carinthia?
01:11:10I'm not high.
01:11:14Let me shed some light.
01:11:17It couldn't be.
01:11:19My Juliet, it must be you.
01:11:22Not so fast, Queenie.
01:11:24Stay there.
01:11:26Who are you?
01:11:27I'm her mother.
01:11:29You're not!
01:11:30I raise you, you ungrateful cow!
01:11:33Oi, you!
01:11:34There!
01:11:36You are Princess Anne.
01:11:40What in heavens is happening, Mummy?
01:11:53Get me the police!
01:11:55Now!
01:11:57You're taking this terrible arm, Jasey!
01:12:00Stop it!
01:12:00We're too late!
01:12:01I ain't going anywhere without some royal treasure.
01:12:04Oh, sure.
01:12:05We've got the crown jewels in our suitcase.
01:12:07Don't try and fool me, King Moron.
01:12:10You wouldn't go anywhere without thousands of quid's worth of valuables on you.
01:12:14I bet Queenie doesn't leave the house without some diamonds on her person.
01:12:18So hand it over.
01:12:19This family reunion is going to be short-lived.
01:12:23I've got time.
01:12:25Treasure.
01:12:26Jewels.
01:12:27Valuables.
01:12:28Now!
01:12:29I have nothing.
01:12:31Oh, come on.
01:12:31Otherwise Gemma or Juliet or whatever her bleeding name is, now she's going to get it.
01:12:37What about a bank transfer?
01:12:40Good idea.
01:12:42I like you, Princess.
01:12:43I want a million quid.
01:12:45Now!
01:12:49For God's sakes, Daddy, just let me.
01:12:52Hey, hey!
01:12:52It'll be quicker if I do it.
01:12:54It'll be quicker if I do it.
01:12:55Fine.
01:12:55Get on with it.
01:12:58What's your account number?
01:13:18Good thing we had that year learning from Grandmaster Takashi, hey?
01:13:30We're arresting you on suspicion of theft, handling and distribution of stolen goods, blackmail, kidnapping, attempted assault, attempted murder, and
01:13:38see what else.
01:13:41Fraud.
01:13:41Yeah, fraud.
01:13:43You didn't have to say anything, but it may harm your defence if you fail to mention one question, anything
01:13:48that you'll later rely on in court.
01:13:50I treated you all right, didn't I?
01:13:52We had some good times, didn't we?
01:13:58What possessed you to switch places with your sister?
01:14:03I just needed a break, Daddy.
01:14:06We can't keep living by all these rules and restrictions.
01:14:09It's almost like you don't trust us to live the lives we've always wished without being able to hold the
01:14:15family name.
01:14:16I'm sorry, Cointia.
01:14:19I'm sorry it puts so much pressure on you and I.
01:14:23My father did the same with us.
01:14:27It's heavy weight at a crown.
01:14:31But we have to evolve with the times.
01:14:34I mean, some of the traditions are just so archaic.
01:14:37I have to fly to Switzerland next week and perform Shakespeare.
01:14:41Listen, Cointia, really, you don't have to go.
01:14:46No, Daddy, I'll go.
01:14:48But...
01:14:50I have a better idea.
01:14:53His Lordship.
01:14:54He loves Chopin, right?
01:14:56Yes.
01:14:59Well, maybe...
01:15:01I could play the piano for him instead.
01:15:04I mean...
01:15:06Okay, okay.
01:15:10I knew something didn't make sense this last week.
01:15:13Winfrey was rarely that nice to me.
01:15:15I think perhaps this family all need to be a bit more open and respectful with each other.
01:15:20So, what should we call you now, sis?
01:15:23Gemma or Juliet?
01:15:25Well, I'll make us all a brew and then I'll just decide.
01:15:28I mean, I like Gemma, but I really like Juliet.
01:15:32And I guess...
01:15:34I know why not.
01:15:35I know why not.
01:15:36I know why not.
01:15:39I know why not.
01:15:44We've got something to tell you all.
01:15:45I know why not once in a while.
01:16:31I told you. I'm not Gem.
01:16:40Not this again.
01:16:48She's telling true of me, Ed.
01:16:54What? I...
01:17:00Miles, for the past week, I've fallen head over heels in love with you.
01:17:07Gems, I didn't know anything about this. I'm sorry.
01:17:11Yeah, I know. But go on, big boy. You haven't been blessing.
01:17:20The question is...
01:17:24Does your previous officers stand?
01:17:37Well, funnily enough, I kept it on me just in case.
01:17:41I'm sorry.
01:17:43I'm sorry.
01:18:01I'm sorry.
01:18:03I'm sorry.
01:18:20Yeah, I know.
01:18:32I'm sorry.
Comments