- 12 hours ago
The End 2026 S01E02 Youre Not Gonna Believe This H 264
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00:17Welcome to the end!
00:30Thank you very much everybody!
00:37Welcome to the end!
00:39This is a storytelling show.
00:41Me and my comedian friends,
00:42we all tell stories about the crazy true adventures they've had.
00:46You guys ready to start this?
00:55You know I'm from Saturday Night Live,
00:57and just an all-around amazing human being.
00:59Please help me welcome to the stage,
01:00Mr. Jim Hewlett, everybody!
01:10So, I'm 58 now,
01:12and I've had a nice journey,
01:14but I constantly find myself in situations
01:18where I'm like,
01:21how did this happen?
01:24And this is one of those stories.
01:27So, my daughter's turning 16 years old.
01:31So, she comes to me,
01:33and she's like,
01:34Dad!
01:35For my 16th birthday,
01:38I know what I really, really want.
01:40I said, okay, you know,
01:41what are you thinking?
01:42And she goes,
01:43I really want to see Billy Joel
01:46at Madison Square Garden.
01:49He plays there once a month.
01:51And I was like, why?
01:53You want to...
01:55I mean, I was excited!
01:57Because normally,
01:58I have three daughters at the time.
02:00Anytime I go down that hallway,
02:02I would never hear anything remotely close to Billy Joel.
02:08It was like, angry, violent...
02:12Slap it!
02:13Shoot it!
02:14Punch it!
02:15Money!
02:16Slap it!
02:17N-word!
02:18N-word!
02:19Slap it!
02:20Mother effa!
02:21Mother effa!
02:22Punch it!
02:23Pull it!
02:24Slap it!
02:25Bite it!
02:26Slap it!
02:28Respect!
02:30It was...
02:33Never heard Billy Joel ever!
02:42You know?
02:44And so, I called my agent up.
02:47I said, hey man, this is a...
02:49I know Billy Joel sells out every Madison Square Garden show.
02:53Is there any chance I'll pay whatever?
02:57And he goes, Jim, he's in our agency.
03:01I'm like, what?
03:03I said, is that me?
03:05He's like, I'm pretty sure I could...
03:06So, he calls me up.
03:08He goes, Jim, I got great news.
03:11Not only can I get tickets,
03:13I got you, your wife, and your 16-year-old daughter.
03:16He goes, but it's the 50th anniversary
03:21of Billy Joel playing there every month.
03:24I'm gonna tell you right now,
03:25I'm pretty sure like Springsteen might go up
03:27or Post Malone at the time.
03:30I said, who's...
03:33Who's...
03:34So, I tell my daughter and I tell her like,
03:37you know, I don't tell her that my agent gave me the tickets.
03:40So like, listen, no Christmas this year?
03:48This is like two years, you don't know.
03:51This is a biggie.
03:52It's the 50th.
03:52And I said, he said something about Post Malone.
03:55He's like, oh my God, are you serious?
03:57And she showed me the pictures of his face.
03:59Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
04:03Wow, okay, yeah.
04:09So now, the day of the concert,
04:12I go to New York City early.
04:14My wife and my daughter are gonna meet me
04:16in the city right across from Madison Square Garden.
04:19Right?
04:20I'm just, I can't.
04:20Now, I don't drink a lot.
04:23I'll drink socially.
04:24I don't drink at my house if I go out.
04:25So I'm across the street,
04:27and I have two vodka martinis,
04:30and I'm...
04:33I love everyone.
04:34I love everyone.
04:36I'm hugging people.
04:37I'm like, you're gonna get through this, man.
04:39You're gonna...
04:45So, we go in.
04:47You all right?
04:51So we go to...
04:53We go to our seats,
04:54and the seats are, they're sick, right?
04:56The billy dog is gonna be right there.
04:58I got my vodka martini kicking.
05:00And the agent comes out.
05:03This guy, Dennis, right?
05:04And he goes,
05:05Would you like to meet Billy?
05:08Oh, my God.
05:10Yeah, let's, yeah.
05:11Like, you wanna meet him?
05:12Like, yeah.
05:13I've met...
05:14I met everyone you can imagine.
05:17Everyone you can imagine.
05:19But I grew up in Long Island.
05:21Never met Billy Joel,
05:22so I'm still like,
05:24Oh, my God.
05:25Billy Joel!
05:27Billy Joel!
05:29Oh, my God.
05:31There's a limit!
05:34So...
05:34We go in the back.
05:35And I know.
05:36Like, dude, I'm...
05:38People still will come up to me once in a while.
05:40I know the way I want people to come to me.
05:42And I've been around celebrities.
05:44I know how to act.
05:46We...
05:48I lost everything.
05:49We walk backstage,
05:50and Billy Joel's there,
05:52and I'm staring at him like a zoo animal.
05:54Like, fucking...
06:04You know?
06:05Like, I wanna...
06:06Is feeding time soon?
06:07Do we get to work for safety?
06:09And so he's sitting there,
06:11and the agent goes up to Billy Joel,
06:14and he's on a computer.
06:16He's just...
06:18And the agent goes,
06:19Hey, Billy, Billy,
06:21I wanna introduce you to one of our clients,
06:24Jim Brewer, big fan.
06:25And Billy's like,
06:26Uh...
06:27Yeah.
06:27Yeah.
06:28Yeah.
06:28Come on over.
06:29You know?
06:30So I go up to him,
06:31and I know he's sober,
06:33so I'm buzzed.
06:34I'm trying to be cool.
06:35And I said,
06:36Hey, man.
06:37Um...
06:38Nice to...
06:38Nice to meet you.
06:39And he...
06:40He goes,
06:40So, um...
06:42You just...
06:43You...
06:43You bought the tickets?
06:45And I went,
06:45You know what?
06:46Out of all the...
06:48My daughter's turning 16,
06:50and out of all the gifts she wanted,
06:53she wanted to see you perform
06:55for the 50th anniversary.
06:57He doesn't even hesitate.
06:58He goes,
06:59Oh, sweetheart,
07:00you gotta get a life.
07:07I swear to God, right?
07:09My hand to God.
07:10So then...
07:11So I laugh,
07:13and I'm like...
07:14I'm like,
07:15She's never seen you.
07:16This is my eighth time.
07:17He goes,
07:17No, no.
07:18Your father's gotta get a life.
07:19He's like,
07:20Why would you see me eight times?
07:23Jeez, it's the same show.
07:25So...
07:27So everything's cool.
07:28I'm like,
07:29Yeah, this is a great moment.
07:29I don't wanna bother.
07:30It's like 20 minutes before showtime.
07:33And, um,
07:34all of a sudden,
07:35Billy Joel looks at me,
07:37and he goes,
07:37So, uh...
07:39I heard...
07:40I heard you do ACDC.
07:42Now...
07:44I...
07:45I'm buzzed,
07:45and I just...
07:46That's...
07:47I wasn't expecting that question.
07:50So I...
07:51I tried to impress him.
07:52I'm like,
07:53Well, yeah, no,
07:53I know the singer.
07:55I met the singer.
07:56Ryan.
07:57We had dinner with him one time.
07:59And I start telling this stupid story.
08:02You know,
08:03Which is a true story.
08:05Um, the...
08:06I grew up loving ACDC.
08:07And then years later,
08:09He...
08:10He hunted me down,
08:11called me.
08:12Um...
08:13And my wife's like,
08:13I think it's one of your friends, but...
08:15And I got on the phone,
08:16and...
08:16And the lead singer
08:17of ACDC...
08:19He sounds like...
08:20He sounds like a drunk pirate.
08:21He's like...
08:23Hey, Jimmy, me son.
08:24He's just a guy...
08:26You know,
08:27I'm a big fan.
08:27I'm a big fan.
08:29And I love how you do me, son.
08:30I love how you do me, son.
08:32I love how you do me, son.
08:44And he's really not impressed.
08:52Guy's doing duets with everyone.
08:54And, uh...
08:55And he goes, um...
08:56You wanna do...
08:57You wanna do ACDC tonight?
09:01What...
09:01What do you mean?
09:04He goes, you know,
09:04I'll, like, go up and do a song.
09:06A...
09:07A song?
09:09Tonight?
09:11He goes, yeah, you know,
09:12I think it'd be fun.
09:13Maybe we'll do, like,
09:14Shik Me All Night Long.
09:16I'm like, I don't...
09:20I don't...
09:20I don't know if that's a good idea.
09:24You know, I...
09:25It's, uh...
09:26Your 50th, and I don't...
09:28Shouldn't we rehearse?
09:29You know what I mean?
09:32Like, shouldn't you rehearse
09:33when you guys got your thing?
09:35You're at five o'clock.
09:36Boom, boom, boom.
09:37Can I get to level seven?
09:39Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.
09:42And, uh...
09:43And he goes, uh...
09:44Yeah, I can't...
09:45I said, listen,
09:45I'm not sure if I'm gonna
09:47remember the lyrics.
09:48I might freeze up.
09:49And he looks to the corner
09:51where the band's, like,
09:52ready to go.
09:53And he goes, you know what?
09:55He should have been here
09:57for a rehearsal
09:57if we were gonna do this.
09:58He goes, let me ask something.
10:00Why don't you come back
10:01another time?
10:01We'll do the song.
10:02If you're up for it.
10:04I'm like, yeah, that...
10:06I like that better.
10:09And he goes, um,
10:10you rehearse with the band,
10:12and then you rehearse with me,
10:14and we'll do it that night.
10:16Yeah, I really like that.
10:18I like that.
10:20Because that gives me time
10:21to go in my basement, you know.
10:23You have a friend, you see?
10:25Why don't you send me out now?
10:29I'm already...
10:30I already know I'm gonna be,
10:32oh, I'm ready for this one.
10:33And, uh...
10:35So that's what we're gonna do,
10:37and we start walking back
10:38to our seats.
10:39And...
10:41his guitar player,
10:42I know from Long Island.
10:45And, uh, his name's Tommy Burns,
10:47and he comes running up to us
10:50right before we go out in the seats,
10:52and he goes, bro!
10:53He's got a thick lip, bro!
10:56What are you doing?
10:57What are you...
10:57You're not gonna do
10:58Shook Me All Night Long tonight?
11:00What?
11:02I said, Tommy, what?
11:04Are you...
11:04Are you crazy?
11:05I'm not...
11:05He goes, I've seen you do this song!
11:08I said, yeah, karaoke at 2 a.m.
11:11and...
11:12at a wedding when I don't care who's watching.
11:15I mean, it's 20,000 Billy Joe fans.
11:18I don't think this is the night!
11:22And so I said, listen, man, we...
11:24He said we should rehearse.
11:26He goes, he don't care.
11:27He don't care.
11:28I'll...
11:29I said, listen, listen.
11:30Seriously, I'm not gonna remember the lyrics.
11:32I'm gonna freeze.
11:33He goes, bro,
11:35there's lyrics everywhere.
11:41He goes, when you look in the monitors,
11:44the lyrics are in the monitors.
11:45Every monitor.
11:46As a matter of fact,
11:47standing there, right in the back of Madison Square Garden,
11:50right in the very back,
11:51a big, big, big screen.
11:53There's the lyrics here.
11:54Tell you what.
11:54Let's say you're on stage, right?
11:56And you forget.
11:57Go hang out with Billy like you're his buddy,
11:59right on his piano.
12:01Big screen.
12:03Sing me a song.
12:10He's like, you think he remembers half these songs?
12:12Are you kidding me?
12:17No.
12:18I don't...
12:18We should...
12:19No.
12:20I'm way more comfortable for you to rehearse.
12:22He goes, it's the 50th anniversary.
12:27No one cares if you show off for the 53rd, 57th.
12:32Tonight is when the press is gonna talk about it.
12:35And I went, I don't...
12:37He goes, hold on.
12:38I'll be back.
12:38I'm gonna ask the band.
12:39I went, no, no, no, no, no, no.
12:41No.
12:43So he takes off.
12:44And, and my daughter goes,
12:46Dad, please, can we get back to the seats?
12:48I'm like, yeah, yeah.
12:48Let's, let's get out of here.
12:49So we start heading back to the seats.
12:51And, and Tommy Burns comes out.
12:53And he goes, he's totally up for it.
12:56So Billy, Charlie, come here.
12:57Find out where the Brewers are.
12:58You're on right after this song, New York State of Mind.
13:00You're gonna kill it tonight.
13:01You're gonna kill it tonight.
13:05And he leaves.
13:06He just leaves.
13:09So now, the concert begins.
13:13And I, I can't, I don't know, one, one hit after the other,
13:17while I hear,
13:19cause in my head I'm going, I got, I got my lyrics up.
13:21I'm like, okay.
13:22Uh, she was a fast machine.
13:25And she,
13:27God, I say, she wasn't fast, shook me all night.
13:30Her lips, her saggy sips.
13:32She's saggy.
13:34She's a saggy liprechaun.
13:36And, and before I can even think,
13:40the guy comes with his headphones,
13:41like, Brewer, you're next.
13:47So, I'm literally like, sorry.
13:49And my wife's like, um, I think you should pray.
13:51I know.
13:54So, I'm heading up.
13:56Now I head, I headed back to the States.
13:59Now, I very rarely get nervous for anything.
14:04Anything.
14:06This, I'm, I'm, I'm freaking out.
14:09And I, I'm, this could potentially be a really bad, bad situation.
14:15So now, we're behind the stage and I'm looking,
14:20I'm looking for the monitors.
14:22And I'm like, okay, so, I can't really hear.
14:24And I'm talking to the guys backstage.
14:25And I got headphones.
14:27And the one guy's talking to me about baseball.
14:29He's like, bro, what do you think of the new Mets manager?
14:31You think he's gonna go down?
14:32It's here.
14:33I'm like, I don't know.
14:35I don't know.
14:35Where's the lyrics?
14:36He's like, are you nervous right now?
14:38I'm like, yeah, I'm a little nervous right now.
14:41And he's like, oh, Miley Cyrus is here.
14:43Oh my gosh, you need to like nine friends.
14:45What's your Jack Daniels?
14:46Nine Jack Daniels.
14:47You're like, I'm saying we're a legend.
14:48She was nervous.
14:49I'm like, oh my God.
14:53So, all of a sudden, the time comes.
14:58Now, if you ever go to a concert and someone has a special guest,
15:05normally, it's kind of an exciting event.
15:09You know what I mean?
15:10Like, the singer would go, hey, you guys got a special treat tonight.
15:16One of my good friends is here.
15:18I didn't expect him.
15:19And you guys are really, it was nothing like that.
15:26And I'm gonna, I'm gonna tell you word for word what happened.
15:30And you're gonna think I'm exaggerating,
15:32but then you go home and watch it on YouTube.
15:39And realize I wasn't kidding.
15:42But now you know the story that led up to the video you're gonna watch.
15:48Okay?
15:50So, Billy Joel, he goes, this is how he does it.
15:54He goes, so, we have a special guest tonight.
16:06And the place goes nuts.
16:12I mean, they're, they're, I'm there for the same reason.
16:14Like, oh my God, Paul McCartney!
16:19Elton John and him made up, here we go!
16:23And he'll take the phones out.
16:26And when I saw 20,000 phones like this,
16:29I was like, oh, they're gonna be really disappointed.
16:40And then he goes,
16:43he's not known as a singer.
16:50He goes, uh, you may know him, uh, as Gold Boy.
16:54And I'm like, Gold Boy!
16:58Who killed, are you kidding?
17:00That was 20 years ago!
17:01What are you talking about?
17:04And you see the people like,
17:05what are they talking about?
17:06Is that a new band?
17:08Gold Boy?
17:08Is that metal?
17:09What is that?
17:13Then he goes,
17:15he looks at,
17:16he looks at his guitar player, Tommy Burns.
17:19He goes,
17:21we,
17:21we,
17:22we did this song and,
17:24hmm,
17:26that's a tough key to stay in.
17:31He goes, um,
17:33please welcome Jim Brewer,
17:35let's see if he can pull this off.
17:43So,
17:46so on my life,
17:47I was prepared
17:50to come out
17:52and I knew I had to get the crowd riled up,
17:54so I,
17:54I was gonna come out
17:56and I go,
17:57what's up,
17:58Madison Square Garden?
18:01I grew up Long Island.
18:03Billy grew up Long Island.
18:05We're all here for the 50th anniversary
18:07and my daughter's 16th birthday.
18:11She's right there.
18:12Stand up, baby.
18:13This is what she, stand up, baby.
18:16She brought us together.
18:18But that,
18:19that went right out the window.
18:23And now,
18:24I don't know,
18:25I'm only gonna lie to you,
18:26I don't know if it was the adrenaline,
18:28I don't know what happened.
18:30The song starts,
18:31Billy,
18:32Billy clearly
18:34walks like,
18:35yeah, I don't wanna watch this.
18:41You'll see the video,
18:42I'm not lying.
18:44And the song kicks in.
18:50And I'm,
18:51I'm convinced
18:52they thought
18:54I was the actual guy.
18:57Because a lot of Billy Joe
18:59fans may not know
19:02what that guy looks like.
19:04Because when I tell you,
19:05the place went,
19:07they went nuts.
19:1020,000 people.
19:11Like,
19:12Oh my God!
19:13I can't believe this is going down right now!
19:17I'm like,
19:18me either.
19:19All right.
19:20So that,
19:22dude, it's different being a rocker boy.
19:25So,
19:26I run right to the monitor.
19:28Okay?
19:29And I,
19:29I've been practicing to be a rock star my whole life.
19:33That's,
19:33I,
19:33that's what I really wanted to be.
19:35So,
19:35I know,
19:37I gotta,
19:39so,
19:40I,
19:40I got this position going,
19:41I'm holding the mic like this,
19:44because that looks like,
19:44oh,
19:45that looks like a lead singer.
19:47And,
19:47and I'm,
19:48I'm not gonna lie to you,
19:49I'm crushing it.
19:50I'm crushing it.
19:52All right.
19:53Yeah.
19:53And I'm pointing to the chicks,
19:55there's women,
19:56they left all their men,
19:57they're in the front like this.
20:02You know,
20:03granted they're 70 and over,
20:04but it does,
20:05it doesn't matter.
20:08It's a good feeling.
20:09Right?
20:09So,
20:10I,
20:10now if you watch me,
20:11I'm pointing to them like,
20:12where's the fast machine?
20:15Get the motor out clean.
20:17Where's the best?
20:18But I'm not really pointing.
20:20What I'm doing,
20:21is I'm covering my eyes.
20:27Reading the lyrics.
20:28Right?
20:29But they don't know that.
20:31They just think like,
20:31this guy is unbelievable.
20:34Right?
20:34So now,
20:35and I'll,
20:36and I'll tell you when you watch the clip,
20:38when you watch the YouTube clip,
20:39when you watch it,
20:40I crush it,
20:41I bring him up to the,
20:42shut me up.
20:43And as I'm leaving,
20:45watch what I do.
20:46I take one,
20:47I was gonna go to the next monitor,
20:49but I take one glance,
20:50in case I don't make it there.
20:53You'll see.
20:56So now,
20:57I'm on this side.
20:57In the place,
21:01I,
21:01I killed it.
21:02Right?
21:04I didn't know I had ass hair,
21:07standing straight up.
21:13And then,
21:14you know,
21:14then Billy was like,
21:15one more time for Jim, bro.
21:21Right?
21:22So,
21:23and then,
21:24I'm not gonna lie to you,
21:25that's an adrenaline rush.
21:29And I start,
21:30I start walking away,
21:31and people were like,
21:33blah, blah, blah, blah.
21:35And now,
21:35you'll see Tommy Burns,
21:37run up to me,
21:39and he quicks,
21:39give me a hug,
21:40in the video,
21:41and he,
21:41and he heads back to his spot.
21:43He came up,
21:44and he goes,
21:45you crushed it,
21:46you saved my ass.
21:47I'm not gonna lie to you.
21:57The scary part is,
22:00the scary part is,
22:01right before I left,
22:02the roar of the crowd.
22:05I was this close,
22:08he going,
22:08you want another one?
22:15Jim Brewer, everybody.
22:17One more time for Jim Brewer.
22:26You guys ready for the next comic?
22:30Guys, this is one of my first friends
22:32in stand-up comedy.
22:33We met together,
22:33legitimately my first week
22:34at the Comedy Store,
22:35like 20-something years ago,
22:37in Los Angeles,
22:38and, uh,
22:39one of the best storytellers
22:40in the world,
22:40one of my favorite comics
22:41in the world.
22:41but please give it up,
22:42for Mr. Steve Simone,
22:43everybody!
22:44Out of here!
22:49New York, New York,
22:51let me hear you guys!
22:53Come out!
22:55You guys picked an amazing show
22:59to come out and see live,
23:00because after me,
23:02you're gonna recognize,
23:03like, everybody else on this.
23:10So I'm in Florida now,
23:12you know,
23:12and, like,
23:13it wasn't really planned.
23:15Like, I had one buddy
23:17in L.A.
23:18that was a Christian.
23:19He was like,
23:19my one Jesus buddy.
23:21Yeah, like,
23:22in a city of 10 million people,
23:24he's the only guy I met
23:26outside a church
23:26that believed in God.
23:28I said, wow,
23:29you guys got really quiet on that.
23:31That's hysterical to me.
23:33You're gonna hear the worst stuff
23:34in the world tonight.
23:35Like,
23:36I kicked an old lady down
23:37a flight of steps,
23:38and you're fine with it.
23:39You're like,
23:39I bet she deserved it.
23:42But I'm like,
23:43maybe you have a little love
23:43and joy in your heart
23:44through Jesus.
23:45You're like, hey,
23:46save it for Sunday, chubby.
23:49It's crazy.
23:50What happened to the world?
23:56But I recently moved to Florida
23:58because of my buddy John,
24:00and, like,
24:01it was just such a,
24:02it's such a different culture,
24:04because in LA,
24:05there's a reason why
24:06I didn't meet a lot of Christians,
24:07because people were
24:08kind of prejudiced, dude.
24:10They were,
24:10they would, like,
24:11hold it against you.
24:12Being a Christian in Hollywood,
24:15that was like being a gay guy
24:16in the 1940s.
24:18You had to keep it inside
24:20unless you really trusted somebody,
24:23right?
24:23Like,
24:23but there's little signs
24:24I could pick up on
24:26if somebody was, like,
24:26a believer,
24:27and that was my buddy John.
24:28Like, you could sort of tell.
24:30Like,
24:31I remember how we came out
24:32of the closet together.
24:33I remember,
24:33we were, we could, okay,
24:35I'm sorry.
24:36Because there are little things.
24:38Like, we smile a little bit more.
24:40We wear sweaters, you know?
24:43It's real.
24:44Like, dude,
24:45you know,
24:46it's like you can sense it
24:47coming off of people.
24:48The Holy Spirit,
24:49it's like,
24:49Holy Spirit, activate.
24:51Like, when I go grocery shopping,
24:53old ladies sense it.
24:54Old black ladies are like,
24:55God is good.
24:56I'm like, all the time.
24:58It's amazing.
24:59We're praying in the produce section
25:01for somebody in our,
25:02yeah, okay.
25:03So,
25:04so,
25:05my buddy John,
25:05I was doing some charity work
25:07at Children's Hospital.
25:08And I was just doing it on my own.
25:10But this dude John,
25:12ran a legit charity
25:13that could sort of help me out.
25:14And I'm feeling the Holy Spirit
25:16come off of this dude.
25:17It's like our first meeting, right?
25:18And he's looking at me,
25:20and I'm like,
25:20I think he might be a believer.
25:22Right?
25:23And he's thinking the same thing.
25:24And he goes,
25:25feels good to help people, doesn't it?
25:27I'm like,
25:28it does.
25:29It does feel good.
25:31It also falls in line
25:33with some of my beliefs.
25:34He's like,
25:34I do have beliefs.
25:37Strongly held beliefs.
25:39Some might even call it faith.
25:41I'm like,
25:41some might call it faith.
25:43Some might call it faith,
25:44and maybe a higher power.
25:45He was like,
25:46or God even.
25:46I was like,
25:47or my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
25:49And he was like,
25:50I knew you were a Christian.
25:51What's your favorite Bible verse?
25:53I'm like,
25:53I don't know any.
25:54I'm Catholic.
25:55And he's like,
25:56close enough.
25:57Close enough.
26:02But I really,
26:03I don't even know how I got to Florida.
26:05Like,
26:05I feel it changing me a little bit.
26:07Like,
26:07I'm listening to country music now.
26:10Dude,
26:10I grew up in Philly.
26:12I grew up on like,
26:13Van Halen and hip hop.
26:14I don't know anything about country music.
26:16I have no natural immunity to it.
26:19Like,
26:19I didn't grow up with it.
26:21It just gets me in the feels.
26:22Like,
26:22I'm driving with my girlfriend,
26:24and she's like,
26:24are you crying?
26:26And I'm like,
26:27babe,
26:28this guy's just talking about
26:29what a lucky man he is.
26:32He's got an old pickup truck
26:33and a couple dollars in a coffee can,
26:35but he's got kids
26:36and his parents are still around.
26:38If you think about it,
26:39he really is a lucky man.
26:41It's a,
26:42it's a better way to look at life.
26:44Dude,
26:45that's a real song,
26:46by the way.
26:46I'm not making that up.
26:48It's,
26:48it gets me every time.
26:51So,
26:54so it may,
26:55I think my story is going to be about the first time I listen to country music.
26:59Cause it wasn't on purpose.
27:01It wasn't.
27:02It was like 20 years ago,
27:04and I was living in Los Angeles,
27:06and I had been there just long enough
27:10to realize it was a mistake.
27:12Cause LA is a weird place.
27:14I had to leave LA to figure out why it's so sad.
27:17It's the saddest place on earth
27:19because nobody moves there happy.
27:22People move to Los Angeles with the thought of,
27:24I'll show you.
27:27I'll show you all.
27:28One day you're going to be happy that you're my friend.
27:33There should be a sign at LAX that just says,
27:35whatever you're looking for,
27:36it's not here.
27:37And you're like,
27:38and then a team of grandmas come out
27:40and just give you a hug and cookies.
27:42Like this is what you need.
27:43I think this is what I need.
27:46All my friends were so supportive when I moved there.
27:49They were like,
27:50go for it.
27:51What do you got to lose, bro?
27:52Go for it.
27:54After three years,
27:55I'll tell you guys exactly what I lost.
27:57How about my will to live?
27:59It was horrible.
28:01Dude.
28:01I didn't have a car.
28:02I had to take the bus to a telemarketing job during the day
28:05and then work at the comedy store at night.
28:08And I shared a one bedroom apartment
28:11with a recently divorced,
28:13330 pound to ex Elvis impersonator.
28:16No lie.
28:16You can't make that up.
28:17Five foot four,
28:19330.
28:19And he kept the Elvis pompadour.
28:22He looked like Andrew Dice Clay
28:24walking by a carnival mirror,
28:25like fat James.
28:27And he was so annoying.
28:29Like he would listen to my phone calls.
28:31Like you forgot the best part.
28:32Hold on.
28:32Give me the phone.
28:33I'm like, James, stop talking.
28:37I was miserable.
28:38I would have quit.
28:39If I had enough money, I would have quit, dude.
28:40I was out.
28:41I'm like, forget it.
28:42But I was too poor to even leave.
28:45And my birthday was coming up.
28:47And I was so poor.
28:48I made a birthday list like an eight year old
28:50for stuff I just needed to survive.
28:52And my younger brother called me.
28:54And my younger brother became the winner in my family.
28:57Like he's like a dentist that started businesses.
28:59My only shot at a good gift, right?
29:01So he calls me.
29:02He goes, hey, bro.
29:04I know your birthday's coming up.
29:05I'm like, it is?
29:06It is?
29:07And he goes, I got you an amazing gift.
29:09I'm like, what is it?
29:10He goes, I don't want to ruin the surprise.
29:12I'm like, come on, dude.
29:13Tell me.
29:13He goes, no, it's a surprise.
29:14I go, well, can you give me a hint?
29:16He goes, you want a hint?
29:18It's going to change your life.
29:20I was like, yes.
29:21My life totally needs changing.
29:23Thank you, bro.
29:23I love you, right?
29:24And I was so excited.
29:26I went down to my apartment building manager to tell her
29:29that my birthday gift was coming.
29:30Because they wouldn't bring it up to the third floor.
29:32I'm expecting a giant box of joy like the leg lamp box
29:35on a Christmas story.
29:37So I was living in an all Russian neighborhood.
29:39I remember Roxanna, the building manager.
29:41I was like, hey, Roxanna, just a heads up.
29:43My brother sent me a giant crate for my birthday.
29:45And she's like, I'm sure.
29:48They're not very emotional, Russian people.
29:50She's like, I'm sure they are.
29:52I'm like, okay, just a heads up.
29:53Call me when it comes in, right?
29:55So the next day, I don't get a phone call.
29:57So I go check out the scene.
29:58I go, hey, Roxanna, did my gift come?
30:00Steve, there's nothing.
30:02I call you.
30:03This happens for like three days.
30:05And she finally goes, Steve, please stop checking.
30:08Just I called you.
30:09And I let it go a day.
30:11No phone call.
30:11Now it's Saturday.
30:12The last day something can get delivered before my birthday.
30:15And I'm walking up the steps.
30:17She won't even let me come in the office.
30:19She just looks at me through the glass and goes,
30:23I'm sorry.
30:24There is nothing here for you.
30:28You're a good man.
30:30You deserve happiness.
30:32Do you know how sad something has to be
30:34to make a Russian woman feel?
30:36Like this lady survived gulags and Stalin.
30:40And she's like, tomorrow is a good day regardless.
30:44I felt like Charlie in Willy Wonka
30:47when he thought he was going to get the golden ticket.
30:49Remember when Grandpa Joe wakes him up and he's like,
30:51show us the gold, Charlie.
30:53And he rips it open and he's like,
30:55I bet the gold makes the chocolate taste terrible.
30:58And I'm just leaving like, cheer up, Stevie.
31:04I'm three steps away and I hear this, Steve, Steve, come back.
31:07Come back.
31:08Your gift, your gift, it came.
31:10And I'm like, no fooling.
31:12And I run up the steps.
31:14I go, where is it?
31:15And she just hands me a shoe box.
31:17I go, this isn't my gift.
31:18It's a big box.
31:19She goes, this is what came.
31:20I go, no, it's supposed to change my life.
31:23And she went, enjoy what you have.
31:27And I'm like, that's good advice, Roxanna.
31:29So I'm walking with this shoe box.
31:32I'm not even down the steps yet where I go,
31:34I bet it's cash.
31:37Because we're Italian.
31:38That's an appropriate gift.
31:39And I thought it was a box of cash from the restaurant
31:42with a note that said, it's time to quit.
31:44Here's enough money to move home.
31:45I was so excited that when I walked into the apartment,
31:49Fat James is elbow deep in the Costco sized Doritos bag.
31:53And he's got a cigarette dangling from his mouth,
31:55crushing Doritos.
31:56He's like, what did you get?
31:57I go, cash, baby, cash.
31:59He was like, how much?
32:01And I remember his breath.
32:02It was a combination of coffee, cigarettes, and Doritos.
32:05And he's breathing on my neck, right?
32:07And he goes, how much?
32:08Are you going to split it with me?
32:09I'm like, it depends how much.
32:11And I rip open the box.
32:12I reach in.
32:13It's not cash.
32:14It's Tony Robbins CDs.
32:15I'm not making this up.
32:17Self-help guru Tony Robbins.
32:19How bad is your life if the person that knows you best
32:23is like, I can't help you.
32:25Maybe Tony can.
32:28And so I started to do Tony Robbins.
32:33I had no other choice, dude.
32:36And I ever, uncle, we call him Uncle Tony now.
32:39Uncle Tony, because he gave me life advice.
32:41I wish I had an uncle to give me, right?
32:44So Uncle Tony said, put your shoes right next to your bed.
32:47So as soon as you wake up, there's no thought.
32:50You just roll out of bed and put on your shoes.
32:52Because you had to start your day with an hour of power.
32:55Where you have positive visualizations and breathing techniques.
32:58Now if I'm supposed to get an hour workout in before work, I have to catch a bus by like
33:038.30.
33:04So dude, I set my alarm for like 5.45 in the morning to go to the gym.
33:09Do you know who works out at 5.45 in the morning?
33:13Not us.
33:15Winners.
33:15Winners in the game of life.
33:17No lie.
33:17Like, do you ever just see somebody by their bone structure?
33:20You know they know the difference between a bond and an annuity?
33:23You know those people?
33:24Do you see them?
33:25You're like, that guy's never thought about suicide.
33:27He's like, why would I?
33:28My life's great, right?
33:30So it's just all winners at the gym.
33:32And me, I'm like, is this how the other half lives?
33:36So I remember, I'm doing this for like a week.
33:38And I'm doing a Tony Robbins exercise where you just have to let your brain go
33:42and visualize what your life could be, what your biggest dreams are.
33:46And I remember writing down on my list, I want to work with Hollywood's biggest star.
33:50I want to be in movies with the biggest stars in the world.
33:53Next day, I'm at the gym.
33:55I'm now in friends with the girl behind the counter, Suzanne.
33:57She was a sweetheart.
33:59I'm talking to her.
34:00She hits a buzzer.
34:01Because there was a door that only, because in Hollywood there's VIP doors to a gym, right?
34:06So they don't have to walk around the building.
34:08She hits the buzzer.
34:10This guy walks in wearing a Yankee hat.
34:12He stands right next to me.
34:14And he goes, good morning, Suzanne.
34:15I look at this dude and I'm like, that's Denzel Washington!
34:20Right there, 2005, man on fire, Denzel.
34:24I wrote down Tony Robbins work with stars.
34:27He's standing right here.
34:28I'm like, Tony Robbins is real!
34:31Right?
34:32I remember calling my mom afterwards.
34:33I'm like, Mom, I met Denzel Washington.
34:36She's like, you did?
34:37I'm like, I didn't really meet him, but you could tell he was nice.
34:40You know what I mean?
34:40He was right there, okay?
34:43I'm having more fun than you guys.
34:47So like two weeks later, I'm working out with the winners for a solid month now.
34:52I'm talking to Suzanne.
34:54She hits the buzzer.
34:55Who walks in?
34:56That's right, man on fire himself, right?
34:58And he's smiling at me and he was like, hey man, I've seen you in here a lot.
35:03You have amazing energy.
35:04What's your name?
35:05And I'm just staring at like a little kid at Santa.
35:07I'm like, my name's Steve.
35:09And he goes, nice to meet you, Steve.
35:11And he goes, my name is, I go, I know who you are.
35:14And he starts, he does that Denzel laugh like, huh?
35:16I can't do the impression, but you know what I'm talking about?
35:19He's like, you do?
35:20I'm like, yeah, I'm a big fan.
35:21You're awesome.
35:22And he goes, that's great.
35:23He goes, well, you know what I do?
35:25He goes, but what do you do?
35:27I'm like, I'm a comedian.
35:28And he goes, a comedian?
35:30He goes, I love comedy.
35:32He goes, I'm always in movies beating people up or killing them.
35:35He goes, I would love to do a comedy.
35:37And I go, why don't I write it for you?
35:39He goes, you're a writer too?
35:41I go, yeah.
35:43He goes, why don't you write it for both of us?
35:45And I'm like, that's awesome, Mr. Washington.
35:48He goes, don't call you.
35:49He goes, call me D and pumps my fist like a winner.
35:52And he hits it.
35:53I'm like, boom.
35:54One moment in time.
35:58I'm imagining telling this story to 2,000 people to Tony Robbins.
36:02It's like, it's all real.
36:04Conceive it.
36:04Believe it.
36:05Achieve it, right?
36:06I'm floating for like two weeks of joy.
36:10Now about two weeks later, I'm on the treadmills.
36:13There's nobody on that level of the gym.
36:15And I was too poor to buy an iPod.
36:18This is when technology started to change.
36:20And I used to have the old Sony Walkman,
36:22but I didn't want all the winners to know I was poor.
36:25Right?
36:25Because the worst, being poor sucks.
36:28But people knowing you're poor is worse than actually being poor.
36:32It is, right, dude?
36:34So I was in the dollar store and they sold these little radios.
36:37They were this big.
36:37It was a radio.
36:38And I would just put it in my pocket.
36:40And like, if anybody looked at it,
36:42I would just move my hand and slide it in my pocket.
36:44Like, you don't even know what this is.
36:45This is, I'm richer than you, right?
36:47So I'm listening to the radio,
36:49just doing the chubby guy walk on the treadmill.
36:51It's about 6 a.m.
36:52You know, where you're like, it's still a workout.
36:55Okay, it still counts.
36:57Like, you know when you see like a soccer mom
36:58like walking around the neighborhood?
36:59That's the pace I'm hitting.
37:02Just listening to the radio.
37:03Who walks in?
37:05Denzel Washington walks in.
37:06And he's not a creep.
37:07He doesn't get it.
37:08There's 20 treadmills.
37:09He doesn't get on the one right next to me.
37:11He leaves two open.
37:13And he was like, what's up, Steve?
37:15And I'm like, what up, D?
37:16Boom.
37:17So he's walking.
37:17I'm walking.
37:18He starts to jog.
37:19I'm like, I'll start to jog.
37:21You know what I mean?
37:22And then he starts to like pick up the pace.
37:25And I'm like, sweet baby Jesus, send me a good song.
37:27At that time, Van Halen Panama comes on the radio right then.
37:31You guys might not believe in God, but that's all the evidence I need.
37:35He's a God of little miracles.
37:37You know what I mean?
37:38It's a song on the radio, a parking space, right?
37:41And I'm like, Panama, right?
37:42And now he's running and he's starting to throw punches.
37:45I don't know how to box.
37:46I'm throwing punches, right?
37:47Like, I'm your sidekick, bro.
37:49I'm your sidekick.
37:50But now it's all commercials on the radio.
37:52It's commercials, commercials.
37:54I'm like, God, send me a good song.
37:55And I land on the country music station.
37:58And I hear the sound of like the steel guitar.
38:00It's the saddest sound I've ever heard.
38:02And this guy starts pouring out his heart.
38:04I found out later the name of the song is called Remember When by Alan Jackson.
38:10It's the saddest song ever.
38:12It's about falling in love with his wife and she broke his heart and he broke her heart.
38:17And I'm trying not to cry because there goes the movie deal.
38:21You know what I mean?
38:21Like, you can't have a crybaby sidekick.
38:23So I'm biting my lip and digging my nails into my hands.
38:27And then he sings the lyric.
38:29He goes, and the sound of little feet was music.
38:32And I go, what's he talking about?
38:33And I go, he's talking about his babies.
38:35And I don't cry.
38:36I made this sound.
38:37I went, like that.
38:41And Denzel goes, hey man, are you okay?
38:44I go, yeah, I'm just listening to the country music.
38:47And he starts to laugh and he goes, be careful to do that.
38:58But the truth was, I wasn't okay.
39:01My life got worse until I started to go back to church.
39:06See how quiet you guys get now?
39:09I don't think it's any coincidence we're doing this on this very special night.
39:13Because God's real.
39:15God's real and he loves you.
39:17He loves you.
39:18And the only thing you have to do to change your life is accept that love.
39:22Jesus just wants to give you a hug.
39:23I say take it.
39:25I love you, New York.
39:26God bless you guys.
39:28You guys were awesome.
39:29God bless you.
39:38Dude, when you brought up Pat James, it made me remember him.
39:41Yeah.
39:42God rest his soul.
39:43God rest his soul.
39:45He was the first person who died that I was happy about it.
39:48I can't believe you lived there.
39:49Well, this is how he became my friend.
39:51Yeah.
39:51I've never told this story.
39:52So we used to work the door at the comedy store before somebody got shot.
39:56And then they brought in real security.
39:58We were the bouncers, right?
40:00Oh, yeah.
40:00Us.
40:02Mitzi Shore, $25.
40:04They'll do it for stage time.
40:06One time I had to throw somebody out.
40:08It was Rogan on stage.
40:09And he was like going back.
40:10And eventually like, you got to get out of here and beat it.
40:12And I went over there as the door, as the bouncer to be like, hey, you got to go.
40:15And this guy goes, no.
40:19All right.
40:20I'll call somebody else.
40:22So this is how I became friends with Pat James.
40:25Remember Eddie Griffin would do those marathon shows.
40:27Do like three, four or five hours.
40:29Instigate the audience sometimes.
40:30So there was a big like trucker dude who was getting angry at Eddie Griffin.
40:34He's like, I'll crack you one.
40:35Right?
40:36So I keep on telling the guy to calm down, to relax.
40:40Well, at one point the guy goes towards the stage and I was so angry at the time.
40:44I'm like, finally.
40:45And I kicked the guy.
40:47He was a big guy, but I kicked him behind the nanny buckled.
40:49And I got him in a pro wrestling move.
40:51I don't know how to fight, but I watched a lot of wrestling as a kid.
40:54And I got him in the Ken Patera swinging neck breaker.
40:58But then all of his buddies started to jump in and I'm like trying to figure out what's going on.
41:02Then a force of nature came in.
41:04He goes, I got your back, brother.
41:06I got your back.
41:07And Fat James came in like juggernaut and started crushing people.
41:11And I walked him in the Dean's office.
41:14I go, give that kid a shirt.
41:16Wow.
41:17Hire him.
41:19Wow.
41:19Yeah.
41:19I forgot he was a Marine.
41:21Yeah.
41:22Please, please tell him the story.
41:24I know James isn't having laughing about this.
41:27Tell the story about the meanest thing I ever saw at an open mic.
41:31The meanest thing I've ever seen at an open mic.
41:34The impression of Fat James?
41:36Yes.
41:37By the way, we've called him Fat James to his face.
41:39He was happy with it.
41:40It was like a gangster name.
41:41So we saw, we saw him.
41:43Oh, Fat James.
41:44Hey.
41:45Yeah.
41:45He had a pinky ring.
41:47How you doing?
41:47He had a convertible car and the license plate said doo-wop.
41:50Yeah.
41:51He was tremendous.
41:52He was, he had a purple suit.
41:54Yeah.
41:54He did two episodes of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.
41:56He was the greatest.
41:57More than any of us, really.
41:59It's our career.
42:00My career is still not as good.
42:02So we saw a picture of him as a Marine.
42:04He was just cut.
42:05Shredded.
42:05The same pompadour hair.
42:07Yeah.
42:07And that, it was like, and we found out what happened is he came home and found his wife
42:13or his girlfriend?
42:14His wife.
42:14He found his wife in bed with his friend.
42:17His best friend.
42:18His best friend.
42:19And then after that, you know, they broke up and then, uh, and then he gained all the
42:23weight.
42:23Here's my impression of Fat James the day after finding his wife in bed with his, with his
42:29best friend.
42:39He did that right after Fat James left the stage.
42:53We were so cruel.
43:00I love you.
43:00I love you.
43:00I love you.
43:01I love you.
43:01I love you.
43:01I love you.
43:01I love you.
43:02I love you.
43:02I love you.
43:04Steve Simone one more time, you guys.
43:06Give a round of applause.
43:15He has a unique credit that, uh, no one else in the world has.
43:19He's the only man on earth to do in one week both skank fest and host Saturday Night Live.
43:27Feet that will never be toppled.
43:29He is one of the greatest comics in the country, in the world.
43:33And you guys will absolutely love him.
43:34Please help me welcome my friend, Mr. Nate Bargazzi, everybody.
43:37Let him hear.
43:45All right.
43:47This is it.
43:48Uh, it's, you know, Ari's one of the more difficult people to be friends with.
43:57It's crazy.
43:59I, as a guy, I'm a Christian, and I would like to say that after you heard Satan speak.
44:07It's insane.
44:08He should be in jail, but he's filming it.
44:11He's filming it to show other people.
44:14So everybody sees it.
44:16So I don't associate, you know, I think I'm, the hard part of being a Christian is you're
44:22supposed to hang out with the likes of that.
44:25You're not supposed to judge and you're like, but you don't, you know, have you talked to
44:30him?
44:30Have you been around him?
44:31That's what I would like to ask Jesus.
44:32Have you seen, have you been paying attention to what he's doing though?
44:41There's, I think I've been somewhat, uh, prepared to be, I mean, every, I do like my,
44:47uh, when I came up in New York, all my closest friends all skank fest or it's all.
44:52People that do the opposite.
44:54If you don't, you're not familiar with my comedy.
44:55Yeah.
44:56I'm doing just the exact opposite of what he's doing.
45:01And it's, uh, but I, I, I've always worked.
45:05Uh, I always had jobs.
45:07I didn't go to, you know, I tried to go to college or, you know, it didn't work out.
45:10I never was going to have a real job.
45:12Uh, and so all the jobs I could go back to, like none of them has changed.
45:18It's all just like lifting objects.
45:22I could show up tomorrow to every job I've had and just be like, are we still lifting
45:27with our legs?
45:34And look, when, when I was doing it a long time ago, people still were lifting with their
45:38backs.
45:39You might be young and think it's obvious legs, but I was, I was right in the, the mix.
45:46Like still a lot of back guys.
45:49And the younger was like, I think it's knees.
45:56Uh, so I worked, uh, I, I did, I worked for my buddy, uh, Hunter's delivery service.
46:04And, uh, it's not around anymore.
46:06He was a great guy, Jimmy Hunter.
46:07And so he, he was just a dude that would like get any, any job.
46:12He did work for, he had a trucks and he would go deliver for Lowe's and Home Depot or just
46:18be moving people.
46:19We just almost didn't really know what we were ever going to go do.
46:22So the people that go work that kind of job are, you know, it's like people that are,
46:25I don't know, you're just fine with chaos a little bit, almost like a comic.
46:28You live like that.
46:29You don't know where your next check's going to come.
46:31You're just kind of waking up and seeing what's happening.
46:33So we delivered a, a, a refrigerator to this old lady.
46:38So, uh, she was probably in her eighties, very, very old.
46:42And so we go and bring the refrigerator in.
46:44When we would bring it in, we would always remove the refrigerator.
46:47When you move it, that's when you get to see like no one cleans behind their refrigerator.
46:51And so, and everybody's like, oh, well, we just did it.
46:55We just, everybody acts like, I just cleaned it.
46:58I can't believe it got crazy.
47:01And you have a refrigerator for 50 years.
47:03Like it's not, and so usually they would go back.
47:07So I remember we delivered this one.
47:09We're moving the refrigerator back out.
47:11And, uh, this woman, she has a dead cat.
47:15Yeah.
47:16Yeah.
47:17Behind the refrigerator.
47:19And, uh, wasn't like even didn't really react too much.
47:27She, she goes, she was like, ah, like, and you could.
47:34It's like you could tell, like, she's, she did not know where that cat went.
47:41And I saw relief.
47:43I saw there was real relief of just, you know, a question that was answered that looked like 10 to
47:5015 years.
47:50She's wondered, where has that cat been?
47:54There it is.
47:56She's like, that, okay.
47:57Uh, just seeing her go, okay.
48:00Uh, you know what?
48:01That makes sense now.
48:05Uh, and so we would always, you know, while we went to get to the new one, they would use
48:10to clean it.
48:10But she was an older lady and did not clean it.
48:13And so we moved the new refrigerator back on the cat.
48:18And, you know, that's one of those things, what are you gonna do?
48:21You gotta draw the line somewhere.
48:23Uh, we're not cat movers as well.
48:26You know, you gotta be like, alright, I don't, you know, she's fine with it.
48:36So, we then, uh, we turn around, it was like a dead end street.
48:41And then we, like, so we go down and we make, we turn around and we come back and another
48:44car passes us down.
48:46And this was the exact same street.
48:48It happened, it seems like it's, it's, you're gonna see why.
48:52Like I said, we turn, we're driving, I hear sounds like firecrackers going off.
48:57And I'm like, I'm like, I don't know what it is.
48:59I see a kid in the road, he takes off running.
49:01There's a drive by shooting happening behind us.
49:04Not her house, uh, but just another house.
49:07So they're just shooting up this house.
49:10So then we're like, I can't believe it's happening.
49:12And we're kind of like, you know, it's not a wide road and we're in a big box truck.
49:17So, uh, we kind of are swerved and then they shoot at our truck.
49:21And so they shoot two at our truck and then we get out of the way.
49:25Then they take off and then they turn right and whatever happened.
49:28Nothing, you know, nothing in the room.
49:30They just went like, what's going on?
49:32I don't know if you can call the police.
49:34Uh, even if you're in the house, you're like, there was a drive.
49:38Who did it?
49:39You know, who knows?
49:40Who knows?
49:41That's the point of the whole idea of that type of shooting.
49:45That type of shooting works out because you're, he was in the car.
49:48And I didn't even think like, let's get a night.
49:52Let's get a look, you know?
49:55So we looked.
49:56So I had a bullet actually went about this, this far above my head.
50:01They went all the way through the truck, went out.
50:03And it was an insane experience, insane day.
50:07Uh, and the guy was with me, he's like, are you shot?
50:09And I feel like we're in the, you know, the movies where you're,
50:11cause you see people get shot in the movies and they're like, I think I'm fine.
50:15Then they're like, their shirt's red.
50:18And you're like, maybe they don't feel it.
50:20Like, cause, so I thought that like, you know, guys would walk around for a couple of weeks
50:24and they're like, dude, I was, I am shot.
50:27I just found out.
50:29Uh, it seems like it's not that big of a deal.
50:33Uh, until you notice it, then it's like one of the worst things that could happen to you.
50:38So I, I, everybody was fine.
50:42Now, the reason he was asking me that, the guy that was driving the, the, the truck,
50:47his name's Jamie.
50:48Jamie has been shot in the face before.
50:51Uh, yeah.
50:54So he, and first day I worked with him, my buddy, Jimmy, he goes, uh, he goes,
50:59Jamie's been shot in the face.
51:01Uh, don't bring it up.
51:02That's what he told me.
51:04And I'm 19 and I got in the truck.
51:08And I mean, within 30 seconds, I was just like, you ever been shot in the face before?
51:15And I just brought it.
51:17I just try to say it like, this is just a normal, this is, these are the questions I ask.
51:22You know, that's crazy that you have.
51:25Uh, so Jamie, we were, he, I mean, he didn't have a license.
51:30There's all this stuff like that you're with people that, you know, I was growing up, you
51:35have some idea of the law and you have IDs and all the, and then he's just like, oh, I
51:42will, I'll go to jail if a cop even hears I'm out driving around.
51:47But, so we delivered to one, one house.
51:49It was, uh, this old house.
51:51I have a ghost story.
51:52This is all kind of crazy, but these are, I have my one ghost story.
51:57So we're delivering this house.
51:58Uh, it was in Nashville.
51:59And this time we're delivering mattresses.
52:01We've moved on from appliances.
52:03We're in the mattress game now.
52:06So I would stand on the back of the truck and Jamie would go knock on the door to see
52:11if the person was home.
52:12So Jamie's knocked on the door and no one's coming to the door.
52:15Where I'm standing, uh, I can see inside the house and I'm like watching the guy walk
52:22around like kind of the silhouette of a guy and he's making, he's just going back and forth.
52:26And so I'm like, dude, he's right there.
52:28And Jamie's like, uh, you know, he's ringing the doorbell, knocking the door.
52:32He's not coming.
52:32I was like, dude, I'm staring at like this dude is just walking around.
52:36Like it's crazy.
52:37So we start, keep banging nothing.
52:40So we're like, all right, whatever.
52:41We go to leave.
52:42Jamie, before he could get a little bit from the door, a guy runs downstairs.
52:47He's got a towel on, no shirt, soaking wet.
52:51And he said, I'm sorry.
52:52I was upstairs in the shower.
52:54I didn't hear you.
52:55And it's already like kind of a weird, you're like, all right, I was watching you walk around.
53:01So whatever.
53:03So you just go with it.
53:04You don't even get, you just go, okay, this guy's out of his mind.
53:08Uh, here's your mattress.
53:11And, but he tells us the house was on unsolved mysteries.
53:14And he said, there's a pretty active ghost that lives in that house.
53:19So I think it was a ghost.
53:21That's like pretty fun.
53:27I told Jamie was like, no, I don't think it is.
53:29He does not believe in ghosts.
53:30And he goes, I don't think it.
53:31And I go, I think it was.
53:32I think.
53:34Because here, here's what it, only things it could be.
53:38Either, it's either a ghost or that guy walks around where you can see him.
53:45And he's got a towel on waiting for this, waiting for you to knock on the door.
53:51Let's you knock to the point of frustration.
53:55And then as you leave, he pours water on his head.
54:00And then just lies to your face.
54:07And to be honest, I don't even know which one I would want it to be.
54:12I, I like both of those things.
54:15I would love to see a ghost.
54:16And I'd love to meet a guy that would go through all that.
54:20So, that's my story.
54:22Thank you guys very much.
54:32Where were you at?
54:32What?
54:33Where were you at?
54:34I was trying to fix this AC.
54:36I don't know where the AC is.
54:37Did you hear it?
54:37It feels like it's the most cold in here.
54:39Yeah.
54:40And I don't know if you understand what cold, it's like the devil.
54:44Yeah.
54:45He, he doesn't feel cold.
54:50Because I mean, people are shivering.
54:52It's like, it's the most like this.
54:56When I get to hell, the devil will be like, now do you miss it?
55:00Yeah.
55:01You think you would feel it?
55:02Yeah, I think.
55:03There's literally one fat guy in here and that's it.
55:06Why are we sending it to them?
55:07You look like the, like the devil's nephew.
55:11Like it's, where you're like, ugh.
55:13Like it's not, he's not a son, but he acts like it.
55:18He's like, no, it's my dumb nephew.
55:19You know.
55:20And then, he's like.
55:23Like Son I'm Usain's kid.
55:24And he's like, I don't know.
55:25He doesn't even have all the, can he do stuff?
55:27He has no powers.
55:28He has no powers.
55:29But he just walks around like he has all the powers.
55:32But he doesn't.
55:32I'll tell my uncle.
55:33I'll tell my uncle.
55:34We'll see.
55:38This is so, but this guy literally does where basketball teams play.
55:42And now we're like, can we just get the AC right here?
55:44I used to until this comes out.
55:47And then, uh.
55:51I love you.
55:52I love you too, buddy.
55:54And, uh, I would be here for you any day.
55:55I appreciate it, buddy.
55:56Thanks, bro.
56:02Nate Bargazzi, everybody.
56:03One more time.
56:06That's the show, everybody.
56:06Hope you had a good time.
56:07I'm your host, Artie Shaffir.
56:09Thank you very much for coming.
56:10Enjoy your evenings.
56:11Make your own stories.
56:12I'm going to learn, everybody.
56:21Joe, Joe List, come here for a second.
56:23I want to.
56:24We just discovered this tonight.
56:26Come here.
56:27Joe List, everybody.
56:28Hey.
56:29Joe List.
56:32Ari wants me to come back.
56:33I don't know what to say other than I was there that night.
56:38I got the photo.
56:39It was March 28th, 949 PM.
56:42It's not a great photo.
56:43But you can see Jim ripping it up.
56:45Ladies.
56:46And you can see him like this.
56:47Yeah.
56:48It was killer.
56:49But I will corroborate.
56:51I was in the crowd, like, eighth row.
56:53And I was like, Springsteen, here we go.
56:56And I was like, oh.
56:58All right, all right.
56:59Jim Brewer.
57:00Okay, sure.
57:01Yeah.
57:02It was awesome.
57:03He ripped it.
57:03And it was great.
57:05And that's all I have to say.
57:06I don't know what else to say.
57:08That's so cool.
57:09Have a good one, guys.
57:12Good, folks.
57:12Thanks very much.
57:15Thanks, Ma'am.
57:41No
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