- hace 5 meses
Las aventuras que pasaron Martín y Santiago en Cartagena para el reinado y con la representante de Putumarzo.
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00:00The following program is a television product.
00:30From the very beginning of breastfeeding, wasting time, always thinking about the same thing, that's already thirty years wasted.
01:04Today we present, "Reinadocracy, what a disgrace," part one.
01:13MOTOA, Putumarzo Department, Chipchombia, population 2674, 2670.
01:40It's unbelievable that this is the main road in MOTOA! Lazy, idle people!
01:47This will never work out, never, ever.
01:50But, Mr. Governor, the money for the roads was spent on the car.
01:54But, Mr. Kilomandoi!
01:56A regional leader must have dignity.
02:00Furthermore, these natives do not need roads.
02:03They have nothing to eat, they're going to get a car.
02:08Hello, what's with all those indigenous people? What are they doing here?
02:12They live here. Their land was expropriated to build the airport.
02:17Pick me a pair to take.
02:19Let the media see that this delegation includes representatives from all sectors of the department.
02:27Although these natives look more like the dead than the alive.
02:32It's just that, Indian, to be hungry, doctor.
02:34Don't be bold, don't be insolent!
02:37Kilomandoi!
02:39Who is teaching these people Spanish?
02:43I've always told him that it's important that these aborigines don't understand us.
02:47And the representative?
02:49The representative is already in jail, Mr. Governor.
02:54No, no, no, let's go, I can't stand this death trap anymore.
02:57I could never handle the guacherna. Never!
03:04We'll be right back with the next program.
03:17We're back with the next program.
03:22Irreverent, snotty boys, the time of reign has arrived.
03:26And if we don't talk about the monarchy during this time, we don't sell anything.
03:28You have to go and cover the reign.
03:31But the thing is, every time we've gone to the kingdom, they've kicked us out, man.
03:34Ah, the last time was exciting.
03:37We stood there before 50,000 people denouncing the elitist farce of the reign.
03:43Cartagena native!
03:45This event does not represent popular sentiment.
03:48Because here, an Indian woman, a black woman, or a poor woman has never been elected.
03:55When this is a country of Indians, of blacks, and of poor Indians, and of poor blacks.
04:01We cannot continue to feed this farce.
04:05Kingship is the opium of the people.
04:08Down! Down, Doña Matera!
04:11Down with Doña Matera!
04:14You two have gone very far with your pieces.
04:17They are expelled from the kingdom.
04:19But, Doña Matera, those were lies. I love the reign.
04:22But I cannot allow you to say that the monarchy is the opium of the people.
04:28Speaking of opium, Doña Matera, what a lovely poppy she looks like today in her pot!
04:33Out!
04:34Doña Matera, that pair of scoundrels have stirred up the town.
04:38There could be riots. Do something.
04:40People of Cartagena, the reign is yours.
04:46Up with you, Doña Matera!
04:48And as proof of this, they will have the honor of witnessing the election of the people's queen.
04:56completely free at the Basurco market.
05:02Long live Doña Matera!
05:04And thank you very much!
05:07That's no problem, my dear little rascals.
05:10Dr. CJ is a friend of Mrs. Matera's son, Rey Mundo.
05:14He can get them accredited without any problems.
05:16Today they have the opportunity to begin to redeem themselves with the reign.
05:21The candidate from Putumarzo is coming to the program.
05:24Putu! Putu! Here it is! That's it!
05:28Who's yelling "putu" in the hallway?
05:31Look, that one who's coming with Putumarzo's entourage is from Bribón.
05:35He was a classmate of mine.
05:37Damn it, Moure!
05:39I knew you were going to end up doing stupid things.
05:43Wasting time here with these people.
05:46Do you remember the mean things you used to do?
05:49I remember yours too.
05:51Here are the physics and chemistry exams, Moure.
05:54That's 25,000 pesos.
05:56Oh, brother, but that's really expensive.
05:58Oh, but I'm the one taking the risk by breaking into the rector's office to steal from them.
06:02It's up to you whether you want to pass the year.
06:05They were unimportant games.
06:07Mere childish pranks.
06:09Nothing compared to the embezzlement I'm committing as governor of Putumarzo.
06:14I'm leaving these natives without a penny.
06:18Governor?
06:20No, I did see a lot of potential in you as a politician.
06:23And what do they have in that box, Dr. Bribón?
06:29Good morning, you damned listeners of this ignorant country.
06:32The princes of mediocrity and laziness begin today a special coverage of the reign.
06:38An event of the utmost importance for the country, but of the least importance for us.
06:44And for that we have the filthy presence of Miss Putumarzo, India Catalina.
06:51Describe it to Martin.
06:53At the moment, India Catalina is a mess.
06:56Come on, minorities, expose it, damn it.
07:01Attention Colombia and attention all of Putu.
07:04Miss Putumarzo is a wildcat, I tell you.
07:07We see the queen with a curled hairstyle, with ringlets on the left side
07:12and with tiny beads embroidered in taffeta thread on the right side.
07:17It has a defenestrated face and a cataclysmic, dislocated, and completely uneven set of teeth.
07:23No, this queen is definitely going to be a good one.
07:26Because we seriously doubt that he'll get any advertising contracts.
07:32Because the image of this queen reflects absolutely the entire department of Putumarzo.
07:38India Catalina, or I can simply call you India.
07:41Given that no one will remember you after your reign, who is your favorite character?
07:45Mother Teresa of Calcutta, because at this moment reality is found.
07:50Oh, but Mother Teresa died, man.
07:52Mr. Governor, who is preparing this queen?
07:56You are absolutely right, my dear Martin.
08:00That's why we've come to the capital.
08:02To put our candidate on par with the departments with the largest budgets for these royal leaders.
08:10I think that's absolutely right, Dr. Bribón.
08:13Listen, because the way India Catalina is going, she's not going to be what Doris Gil Santa María once was.
08:17who was crowned Miss Colombia in 1957,
08:20wearing a draped dress in the coronation parade.
08:24My love, but how does this Chinese guy Francisco know about those queenly expressions?
08:29He needs to know.
08:31Martin has a queen mother, a queen sister, a queen great-aunt,
08:35And he was just a hair short, or rather, he was a stick too big to be queen.
08:39What a shame, man, because what a great body he has.
08:43Do you know who I'm talking about?
08:45No, I have no idea.
08:46I think that's enough, Martin.
08:48It is clear, this candidate is not ready for the reign of Cartagena del Chairá.
08:53An event that some people, like General Pedoya, have called a circus.
08:58So that was it, or rather, nothing.
09:01And let's send this daughter of Putu, of Putumarzo, off with a kick in the Cieso.
09:06See you tomorrow, listen.
09:07We'll be right back with the next program.
09:20We'll be back in the next program.
09:23Do you know, Maure?
09:24Today I realized something very valuable.
09:26You are the right people to take me to India.
09:29And what's the budget for Bribón?
09:31200 million pesos...
09:32Shut up, Jeta, Toribio!
09:35Our department is quite needy, and for the preparation of the queen,
09:39For clothing and transportation, we have a budget of 200,000 pesos.
09:43200,000 pesos?
09:45It's much more than we earned in this mess.
09:48Let's pull it, brother.
09:49Count on us, from Bribón.
09:51Then sign this receipt here, Maure.
09:53But Bribón's contract is for 200 million.
09:57Don't be ignorant, Maure.
09:58That is the resolution number.
10:00Show me, let's see, I'll sign it.
10:01Well, there you have India and this pair of little rascals.
10:04See you in Cartagena!
10:06Okay, okay, the indigenous people inside and in the back, then.
10:09And you, India Catalina, come here.
10:11So that she learns that queens must be handled with an iron fist, you hear.
10:20200 thousand pesos.
10:21We are the truly miserable ones for having accepted that.
10:24We won't even have enough to feed this pair of indigenous people.
10:27But if we make the money stretch further, we might be left with something.
10:30Indian wants to stop wheeled device.
10:32What does this aborigine want?
10:34Indian wants a place with lots of greenery.
10:36Let's take him to 93rd Street Park, which is the only park in Bogotá.
10:40Look who's there in Memamas, go.
10:43Concho Tontería, the journalist.
10:44That must be snozzling over something.
10:47Hello, hello!
10:48Of course, how could I not be part of the reign of Cartagena?
10:51Anyone who isn't in the inner circle in Cartagena is out.
10:53And since the rich guy isn't going to come, he's going to lend me his apartment.
10:56Oh no, the aborigine is doing his business on the platform.
10:59Here in El Chico they don't clean up the dog poop either, it smells filthy.
11:03Ah, no, that makes sense.
11:04I had to do that pair of undesirables.
11:07Clean up pet poop, don't leave it on the sidewalk.
11:09Where do they think they are?
11:10Well, in Bogotá, lizard.
11:12Or do you think they're in Central Park?
11:14Please!
11:17Aboriginal people, that one you see there will be in charge of providing you with lodging and food.
11:23Hello beautiful, how are you?
11:28So how are we going to start the preparation?
11:31To temper a candidate's character, it is very important that she starts from the bottom.
11:37The preparation will begin with lunch.
11:39They're going to teach me manners at Mass.
11:42No, prepare our lunch.
11:45It was a reward for a rape that he committed in the novel I Still Love You.
11:48A rape?
11:50How was it?
11:50As?
11:51Who?
11:52What a small guy!
11:53Ah, this is the brother, the brother of this famous woman, who is he?
11:57It's just that the siblings of famous people are always unlucky.
12:00Like me.
12:01And in the eyes of the people, it's very powerful.
12:02And that particular rape was rewarded because it was with a 16-year-old girl, with me, in a stable.
12:10Ah, he was the one who raped her.
12:11It was also handled so well and turned out so beautiful.
12:14Ah, how can rape be beautiful, Don Blower?
12:17She seemed to be asking for more.
12:18I'm also happy because it's the first villain I've ever played, because I've always played good guys, fools, etc.
12:24idiot.
12:25Of course, he's a moron, man.
12:26This guy's hunger for fame is obvious.
12:28Despite her short stature and the fact that she doesn't die with her legs, Miss Córdoba, María Luisa Dager, is
12:34consider...
12:34Whose chaperone is this lady?
12:36Some have said that you have a very droopy tail, I mean...
12:38Oh!
12:39Oh yes!
12:40Oh yes!
12:41Against this year for the reign.
12:43What reign?
12:43I don't think it has a droopy tail, yes, but it's not criticized.
12:46She has a droopy face, but not a droopy tail.
12:49After seeing this Indian lady Catalina, she has a chance, you know?
12:52But no, no, no, I don't consider myself to have a droopy one.
12:56Okay, thanks.
12:57Álvaro on air.
12:57The gossip, the moment.
12:59Let's see, the gossip, the moment.
13:00Oh, the face of ordinary people.
13:04A meeting of...
13:05Bad!
13:07But to see him there sowing discord.
13:09Demonic!
13:09...positioning one of the candidates for the Cundinamarca beauty pageant,
13:13selling the bonds which said I would spend a weekend with the girl.
13:17You're trying to sell me on the idea that you're good at that, at being bad.
13:21Sow discord there, sow tares.
13:23What a talent for being bad, for being perverse.
13:26Crown her before the reign.
13:27Ah, well yes, campesino is the best.
13:31Oh, you unhappy dog.
13:32Why do you call Angarita that?
13:34No, no, no, the one in the robe.
13:36Is the one with the crazy valley or the crazy one?
13:38Crazy.
13:39No, that dog deserves to be beheaded, man.
13:42No, well, he's already killing himself there, man.
13:45Yes, I'm dead.
13:47Oh, look, this is...
13:48She's coming, look, she's already got a job.
13:50That was quick.
13:51No, this old lady is a delight, man.
13:53For a waterfall?
13:53No, for ball pit letters.
13:55Madness, curious.
13:56Balls, letters, and river.
13:58No, it's there, man, it's a delight, man.
14:00But look, look at the unfortunate woman with that setback, man.
14:02That's not right, man.
14:04It's not right.
14:06Again, giving poor Miss Córdoba a hard time, man.
14:08Leave her alone.
14:09To Cartagena.
14:10However, he took advantage of the oxygen chamber to deny being 29 years old.
14:15Well, she's old and ugly.
14:18She's 29 years old and her clothes are bad.
14:20Leave her alone, man.
14:22No, it's just that this guy here is doing a report on a lady, well, he's all envious of those queens.
14:26He's the one who wants to be queen, imagine him in garter belts.
14:33Oh, look at that bald guy, what a delight that roll is.
14:35That old man must be a great pambichao dancer.
14:38All departments are impoverished and spending money on pageants.
14:41There are some really cute girls.
14:43No, that won't be enough money for all those costumes, the fantasy ones, the ones for the parade.
14:47of whaleboats and the coronation one.
14:48No, but first she needs to go on a diet and see a plastic surgeon.
14:52No, man.
14:53We don't have a budget for a surgeon, but we do have one for a diet.
14:56Let's subject her to bread and water.
14:58We need to change this hottie's hairstyle, listen, give her lessons in glamour, runway walking and
15:02press training.
15:03Let's get to work.
15:26Let's get to work.
15:34India, books aren't meant to be put on your head, they're meant to be put in your...
15:38head.
15:43We'll be right back with the next program.
15:56We'll be back in the next program.
15:59That's not the case, no, that's not how it is, no.
16:01What could those moans be, Bea?
16:02Santiago, the Indians are going to eat pork.
16:06The natives turned out to be cannibals.
16:08And in terrible taste.
16:14Who would you take to a desert island?
16:17Answer.
16:17What is the sexiest part of your body?
16:19Who is your favorite character?
16:21What would you do for street children and the elderly?
16:23What is the most representative feature of your department?
16:26What would be the first thing you would do if you won the crown?
16:28What would you like to change about your body?
16:30What is the most beautiful character on television, damn it?
16:33We asked him a question.
16:35Who is the most beautiful character on television?
16:37Hey, Rafael Novoa.
16:39No, Rafael Novoa, no, it's Martín Francisco.
16:42Present yourself like a queen does.
16:44Introduce yourself!
16:45I am India Catalina and I am here to represent the department.
16:49No, that won't work!
16:51Pig, more energy!
16:54I am India Catalina and I am here to represent the department with the most handsome businessman in Colombia!
16:59Perfect, it's just right!
17:10No, brother, we ran out of budget.
17:12We had to go by bus, but at least we'll be on a superbus.
17:19Well, we still have the Chairá to go to Cartagena.
17:22Go inside.
17:23He's not getting any attention yet.
17:26No, so many mountains and so many valleys have prevented this country from progressing.
17:30The Pope really did make it look great, given the filthy geography of this country.
17:35And with those awful people who live here, brother.
17:38I feel kind of dizzy, you see.
17:40Well, everyone should keep what they have.
17:42First checkpoint.
17:43Don't take this as a robbery, comrades.
17:45This is a recovery to continue the fight against the interventionist policies of Yankee imperialism, comrades.
17:51Oh, thank goodness I was able to save my little watch.
17:54Look, this little watch belonged to my grandfather, and my grandfather passed it on to my dad, and my dad gave it to me.
17:59He passed it on to me.
17:59I was able to hide some money too, you see.
18:02Ugh, your money smells bad.
18:04Just like your watch.
18:05I think we hid it in the same place.
18:07Well, everyone should save what they have left.
18:09Second checkpoint.
18:10This is just a warning, because those who are not with us are against us.
18:16And what interests us is that there be peace, because we were born paramilitaries in peace.
18:21And how is peace achieved?
18:23Well, by the point of a chumbimba.
18:27And what is that basket that fell there?
18:30That's the family food basket that's sky-high.
18:33Yes, now we're off to Cartagena.
18:36Rich!
18:36It's the same straight ahead; we haven't even stopped to urinate, we haven't been to the bathroom for twenty-six hours.
18:52What a beautiful country.
18:53And what should we call this waterfall?
18:56Oh, no, I had forgotten to mention it.
18:58This is the third richest country in the world when it comes to water sources, yes sir.
19:03I think it's called the Angel's Jet.
19:06Angel, come on, get in, we're leaving.
19:09And is this water pure?
19:11Don't worry, sir, man, that water is pure.
19:13Let me tell you, mister, you can bathe there without worry.
19:16Ah, it's because it's really hot out there.
19:18It can cool the child down, yes.
19:27What did you think of my gift?
19:29Boo!
19:30This water is dirtier than the Mississippi River.
19:35Driver, driver, go faster.
19:39Driver, driver, go faster.
19:42Let the mule in front tire you out.
19:46Let it get tiring, let it get tiring with dog-like behavior.
19:49What a nice driver, Martin.
19:52Look, it's kind of swollen, isn't it?
19:53Thank goodness, he's not driving.
19:55And who's driving?
20:03And nothing happened to us because we fell on top of India Catalina.
20:08But, Moure, how could you do this to me, for crying out loud?
20:11You were responsible for the security of India Catalina.
20:14But, doctor, if no one here takes responsibility for the candidates' safety,
20:18Much less for the female candidates, man.
20:20Gentlemen, I have very good news for you.
20:22The driver died.
20:23Ah, you are not the chauffeur's heirs.
20:26Uh, sorry.
20:27But what will India Catalina look like now?
20:30And here is the candidate.
20:35India Catalina!
20:37Damn!
20:40Butu, Butu, here it is, that's it!
20:43Butu, Butu, here it is, that's it!
20:47Now the reign has begun, damn it.
20:50This story of queens will continue next week.
21:02We've been lazy since we were little
21:07Watching TV
21:08Watching TV
21:09Paradise of the idle
21:12Delicious
21:13And talking about people
21:15That it's of no importance whatsoever
21:18No no
21:19You always half believe
21:22From the very beginning of breastfeeding
21:24Yeah, yeah
21:24Wasting time
21:26Always thinking the same thing
21:29It's been thirty years already.
21:32Lost
21:36Time will pass
21:38Loneliness in the night
21:39With principles
21:41We didn't pass
21:43Among the mistakes
21:45And weapons and niches
21:46And here we are
21:49And here
21:50We stayed
21:55Even
21:57And here we are