- hace 5 meses
Martín y Santiago se van de la pesada ciudad para ser campesinos pero la guerrilla los destierra.
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00:00The situations, names, and places described in this program are products of fiction.
00:07Any resemblance to reality is purely coincidental.
00:11The following program is a television product.
00:32And to speak of people who are of no importance whatsoever, no, no, always mediocre from the very beginning of infancy.
00:43Wasting time, always thinking about the same thing, that's already thirty years wasted.
00:55Time passed, he dreamed of cuts and ready, we didn't spend it, among the Romes, old men and niches, and
01:06Here we are, and here we're staying.
01:15Today we present The Cemetery.
01:18Good morning, you damn listeners.
01:21Our topic of the day is, what did you have for lunch yesterday?
01:25We have a call, who are we talking to?
01:28With Billy Tontoni.
01:29No, Billy, the question of the day is, what did you have for lunch yesterday, and you haven't had lunch in a long time.
01:33Are you having lunch, man?
01:34Do we have another call? Who are we speaking with?
01:37Good morning, this is Mr. Ivorio Guáqueta speaking.
01:39Oh, but that accent, that style, where is it calling us from?
01:44From the Guavas path, above the township of Gualanday.
01:48Ah, a peasant call.
01:50From the classic Colombian Iguazo.
01:53Hahaha.
01:54Iguazo, yes.
01:55I like that word.
01:57Well, I'll tell you that yesterday I left you a plantain wrap, a pound of yucca, arracacha, and a 70-peso pork rind.
02:05paws.
02:06Ah, the Chichombian countryside, the abundance, the peace, the tranquility, those silent nights, man.
02:14One of these days I'm going to leave this death trap and go to the countryside to plant onions, you hear?
02:18Iguazos!
02:19Ha ha ha.
02:20Look, boss, here comes Wilches with these people from the farm who are looking for trouble.
02:28You're asking for trouble, Mr. Campo Alegre.
02:32But what's the problem? I just want to get onto my property.
02:36I already told him that this is not his property.
02:39On this farm they are collaborators and I'm going to turn them into sieves.
02:44They have three days to remove everything from here, and if they don't meet the deadline, I will relocate them.
02:52You're right, Martín. There's nothing like the bucolic peace of the Chimbote countryside, reflected in the serenity of its people.
02:59Of course, people in rural areas are very helpful. Do we have another call?
03:03Hello good morning.
03:05Ah, another farmer. He too must have had a sumptuous lunch yesterday.
03:11No, sir. I didn't have lunch yesterday.
03:13But how come you haven't had lunch? What street are you calling us from?
03:17No, I had to leave the countryside and now I'm going through hard times.
03:21And does he type them on a computer or a typewriter? Well, at least he has a job.
03:26No, sir. I'm eating a cable.
03:29Of course, why do they come to the city, man? I just don't understand why people
03:33From the countryside, one comes to the city.
03:35We're going to launch a campaign to get farmers back to the countryside, brother. The countryside is empty.
03:40That's why we're importing cassava, rice, and potatoes. Well, that was all, or rather, nothing.
03:46Let that soursop-headed J.C. Gutiérrez eat them, listen.
03:50No, these traffic jams in this city are insane, man. There are no roads.
03:55Who planned this mess? Tino Asprilla or what?
03:59The glass was nice and clean, monkey.
04:02Oh, brother, but I told you I didn't have any money, man.
04:04Brother, give me something. Look, this morning I had lipids and soda crackers for breakfast.
04:11Don't you see that I'm a displaced person from the countryside?
04:14Look, Santiago, don't you have anything there?
04:17Wait, let me take off my belt.
04:21We don't have any more money, man.
04:24Ah, committing the stupidest traffic violation.
04:27Traveling without a seatbelt.
04:30But, sir, I just took it off to give you alms.
04:33Oh, little brother, I'm not going to buy that story.
04:36Here's the little bit.
04:38Look, if you pay within two hours you get a 50% discount.
04:43But if you pay later, it costs ten times more.
04:45But you can only pay for it at Bosa savings.
04:49Look, there's the address.
04:51Transversal 123 South 450 C-Bis West 123.
05:00Okay, but we still have half an hour to pay.
05:03No, it's just that there's nowhere to be found around here, and with this heat...
05:06Oh, look, here's one.
05:23So how are we going to get off now?
05:27What a shame, miss.
05:28You may be very pretty and all, but you can't park there.
05:30No, but why wait?
05:32He can do all sorts of crazy things to tell me I can't park there, man.
05:35I hadn't seen her, miss.
05:38Can I park here? There's a parking lot nearby.
05:48Could you give me the document, please?
05:50Oh, damn it, man!
05:52I left the papers in the car.
05:54Santiago, lend me a document, okay?
05:55No, sir.
05:56It must have a document personally from the owner.
05:59Oh, you damned city people!
06:02We'll be right back with this mess.
06:15We'll be back in the next program.
06:20Calm down, Martin, you're going to have a heart attack, man.
06:22We're about to reach the top.
06:24Next!
06:26Look, ma'am.
06:27I'm here to pay my fine with a discount.
06:29Just a moment, sir, I'm on the phone, okay?
06:32Oh, he's loose!
06:33Oh, you poor thing, my darling!
06:36No, I haven't spoken to my husband.
06:37Because?
06:38Is she jealous?
06:39Ma'am, please.
06:41Oh, wait a minute, daddy, I've got a really annoying guy here!
06:44What is it that he wants?
06:45Well, pay this, ma'am.
06:47The discount is only valid if payment is made two hours after the infraction was committed.
06:51Yeah?
06:51And you've gone too far.
06:52I'll tell you exactly, Mr. Offender, ten seconds.
06:56Ugh, I can't stand this city or the people in the chip-zombie cities anymore, man!
07:00I can't stand any more mediocrity, ineptitude, and indifference!
07:04Santiago, I invite you to change our lives, please.
07:06Let's go to the countryside to plant onions!
07:08Yes, let's get far away from this suffocating city, full of inept and ill-tempered people.
07:15Good morning, dear listeners!
07:17Starting today, Pito López and Tátara Nieto, the big guy from FM, will be joining us at this time.
07:26We inform the public that Martín and Santiago have requested a leave of absence to write new scripts.
07:31new funny situations that our listeners love.
07:35They will be off the air for a year.
07:37One year! That's what you think.
07:46But where are they going? Don't they smell the countryside?
07:50The scent of plowed earth; the city has nothing to offer them.
07:54Don't they feel proud to be a Chipzombian peasant?
07:58But what pride is there if the countryside here is abandoned?
08:02But, of course, you people of little faith. It's abandoned because you're leaving.
08:07But you'd better go to the city. You're the peasants we don't want here.
08:12Lazy people who don't want to work the land.
08:20But how are we going to make a living here?
08:23Don't worry, I know how to peel soursop and anun around here.
08:27Planting onions!
08:29Yes, by planting onions.
08:31But where? In this rotten tooth of yours or what?
08:34That's no problem. Let's buy any little plot of land, any piece of land, and we'll settle in.
08:41Look at that one, for example.
08:43Good morning, good sir, friend. How much is it?
08:47Five thousand pesos.
08:48What size is the property?
08:50She's watching. It's me. I'm selling my body. The situation is really bad.
08:57Cucaita, get out of here.
08:59What did the gentlemen offer them?
09:02We need a little piece of land.
09:04Buy this little piece of land from me!
09:06It has 17,000 hectares.
09:09It's worth one million pesos.
09:11The hectare?
09:12No! They all jincan.
09:15But we don't have that much money, you know.
09:18Well, she's exchanging it for a shopping cart.
09:20I need to get out of here immediately.
09:29I was taking this animal with me.
09:32Here you go!
09:32I'll leave you with the butler, Don Cucaita.
09:38Well, bosses, welcome to the farm.
09:41Well, here we have the slaughterhouse.
09:43The pigsty is over there.
09:45Where are all those pigs over there waiting for us to kill them all?
09:52And tomorrow we're going to start early for the boils.
09:56That's why we have to sleep with the chickens.
09:59Forgive me, Mr. Cucaita.
10:00But we don't sleep with chickens.
10:02That's why we brought Cerdo.
10:04Oh, by the way.
10:06Where is Cerdo?
10:08Pig!
10:10Pig!
10:12When are you going to give me that snout?
10:16But who is that juicy sow?
10:19It's Aura Cristina.
10:21The tastiest sow in the region.
10:24But I thought Aura Cristina was the name of a filly, not a sow.
10:29We'll be right back with the next program.
10:42We're back with the next program!
10:48Giddy-up, Pig!
10:50Giddy-up, Aura Cristina!
10:52Well, everything is ready for planting.
10:55We need some tools.
10:58And fertilizer too, right?
11:00No!
11:00This land is perfectly fertile!
11:02And by the way, what are all those crosses for?
11:06To mark the spot where the fertilizer is!
11:11Oh, how delicious this country life is, I tell you!
11:14That breakfast was definitely packed with that...
11:17Gachina!
11:19Oh, how friendly people are, come this way, hello!
11:22Giddy-up, mule, giddy-up!
11:24Go for it!
11:28Guys, I want to introduce you to the richest man in town, Donald Trompan.
11:33Listen, Mr. Trompa, look, we need a garlancha, cabulla, costal, uria, an ariete, pico, pala, barra, barreta and barretón and a file
11:45for the mule's hooves.
11:47Purging honey, 40 horseshoes for a mule and sopronal for a pig we have with mange and diarrhea.
11:53Oh, a wash for Aura Cristina!
11:56The filly?
11:58No, man, Mr. Trompa, the sow!
12:01That's because that sick woman lives.
12:03But look who's here, that old man from the Campo Alegre farm.
12:08Didn't we tell them to get lost?
12:10Get them out of here!
12:12Come here, old man, and I'll tell you a secret!
12:19Arre, bratty mule! Arre!
12:25This is proving to be dangerous around here.
12:28Where did the kindness and courtesy of the people of the countryside go, which Martín, man, used to preach about so much?
12:32Don't confuse me, my friend.
12:35The thing is, here people are used to strangling and tearing apart gazzina
12:40and to slaughter the pig by putting a cattle prod around its neck,
12:44So people think that those from the countryside are savages.
12:47But people in general are kind of good, you know.
12:49Look, for example, at that tasty old man coming over there.
12:56Good morning, guys.
12:59I am Don Manolo.
13:00I'm really desperate, I haven't eaten in five days.
13:04Oh, poor man!
13:06Come with us and have a plate of mule jeta changua with corn husk wrap, right?
13:11But it's not just me.
13:13They are also my boys who are going hungry.
13:16The views are no longer enough for me because of the hunger I'm experiencing.
13:20Let's help this poor old man, look.
13:22The people in the countryside are really screwed, man.
13:25And tell us, Don Manolo, how many boys do you have?
13:27You'll see.
13:35As I keep saying, my boys are starving to death because of neoliberal policies.
13:40and all foreign ideology, which are manipulation tactics of Yankee imperialism,
13:46that with their alienating technology are displacing the peasantry from rural areas.
13:51You must collaborate with this noble cause.
13:55Get off the bus.
13:57But sir, we have nothing.
14:00We'll see about that.
14:02Bring me the laptop.
14:08No, these are more uprooted than a cassava.
14:13I feel so sorry for you that I'm going to cover your oversight.
14:16Wow!
14:17What food have you found around here?
14:19Here I found a couple of really juicy pigs, perfect for a sancocho, guys.
14:26Kill a couple of miserable pigs!
14:28Don't kill Aura Cristina!
14:31No!
14:31Aura Cristina, no!
14:39Goodbye Aura Cristina, why did this have to happen to you?
14:44I thank you for speaking up in time, otherwise we would have butchered you too.
14:50Well, guys, thanks for everything.
14:52But because of the overflow, we have to take all the pigs, all the mules, and all the garlanchas.
15:01They ate Aura Cristina!
15:03They ate my pig!
15:07Oh, this damn field is starting to scare me, you know.
15:11I want to be by my mom and dad's side.
15:14I'll sleep through half of them!
15:15I felt so protected, you know!
15:18Oh man, don't laugh anymore, don't be a girl.
15:21You don't say that the people in the countryside were good.
15:23Well then, take it and take it with you.
15:25At least the worst is over.
15:31You will be exceptional witnesses to what happens to the collaborators.
15:35We have information that they were given lodging with non-seditious food.
15:40Hold on, because you're going to lose it!
15:42But we didn't give them anything.
15:44We didn't even give them food.
15:46Oh no, what's this?
15:48We'll have to call the boss to take care of you personally.
15:55We'll be right back with the next program.
16:07We're back with the next program.
16:13And who are these Wilches?
16:15Some really weird guys, nobody knows where they came from
16:19and that they are collaborators of the bandits.
16:22Ah, very serious.
16:23Because those who are not with us are against us.
16:27But sir, all we wanted was to leave the city
16:31and abandon one of the most mediocre media outlets, the Colombian radio.
16:36Our only goal was to become some big iguanas.
16:53Hahaha.
16:53Ah, let's kill this pig to celebrate because stars never come down this path.
16:59Kill this bastard, now.
17:02Behead this pig and save the blood for me to drink while it's hot.
17:06Ah, but Don Liborio, he's a pig.
17:09That's exactly why.
17:11No, Don Liborio, it's a pig.
17:13The quintessential iguazo.
17:15Ah, of course.
17:16Pig, the iguazo.
17:18What a blast.
17:20Thank you for the autograph for my little girl who admires you very much.
17:24You should see how beautiful the Chinese woman is.
17:26That's the cutest thing ever.
17:29Okay, let's go, we have to bust some collaborators, you son of a bitch.
17:35Oh, but what is this thing, man?
17:37This is the law of the jungle, total anarchy, the law of the strongest.
17:41And we abide by the law of the weakest.
17:44What country do we live in?
17:46There is no way out.
17:47Where is the government?
17:48Where is the State?
17:52Here comes the State, Santiago.
17:55Here it comes.
17:56I knew the State wasn't going to leave us alone.
17:59Here!
18:00Here!
18:02Where exactly were they supposed to spray with glyphosate?
18:05That's this way.
18:07There is a lot of illegal farming around here.
18:08Look!
18:09They're signaling to us over there!
18:11Hey, look.
18:12That's where the fat man, the Indian woman, and the pig are.
18:15That's it!
18:16Here!
18:23I never thought the State would leave us in this state.
18:27We saw a total failure on the radio, Pito.
18:30Let's be realistic.
18:31We're no good at this stuff.
18:35You're right, Tatara.
18:36It's because we are very ignorant.
18:38The best decision was to come to the countryside.
18:41It's because we're very much mountain people, you know.
18:45You're right, Pito.
18:46There's nothing like the bucolic peace of the Chiptionvian countryside.
18:52What opposition, baldies?
18:54Ah, of course!
18:56They had come to the countryside in search of inspiration.
18:59But why are they returning so soon?
19:01We've had enough inspiration already, Pito.
19:04But this is tasty around here.
19:06We had a wonderful time.
19:08I recommend them.
19:09Thanks, guys.
19:11Hey, and they're leaving via the radio station.
19:13Tell Dr. CJ to wait for us sitting down.
19:16Because we resigned.
19:22Come on, Tatara, then!
19:23What's wrong with you, Pito?
19:34We've been lazy since we were little
19:40Watching TV
19:42Paradise of the idle
19:45Delicious
19:46And talking about people
19:47That it's of no importance whatsoever
19:50No no
19:51Always mediocre
19:53From the very beginning of breastfeeding
19:56Yeah, yeah
19:57Wasting time
19:59Always thinking about the same thing
20:02And those thirty years
20:05Lost
20:08Time passed
20:10Dream of nothing
20:11Better than a civilism
20:13Now we move on
20:16Among the Rovistas
20:17And to the beginnings
20:18And here we are
20:21And here we stay