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Pelea entre Chibchombia y Chamozuela por su territorio.
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00:00The situations, names, and places described in this program are products of fiction.
00:07Any resemblance to reality is purely coincidental.
00:11The following program is a television product.
00:32And talking about people who are completely unimportant, no, no, always mediocre from the very beginning, yeah,
00:43Yeah.
00:44Wasting time, always thinking about the same thing, that's already thirty years wasted.
00:55Time passed, I dream of winning another cut without a cliff.
01:00We didn't make it, between the roves, descendants and bugs.
01:06And here we are, and here we stay.
01:15Today we present Border Indifference.
01:19Part One.
01:20Border between Chipchombia and Chamozuela.
01:25I brought you lunch.
01:27Oh no, he's lost his prey!
01:29And what a shame because that rat was so tasty.
01:32He's going to have to eat his soup.
01:35This soup has neither meat, nor potato, nor yucca.
01:38Isn't it that you can't find anything for him around here?
01:41What do you mean, no?
01:42Look over there so you can see.
01:44What do you want?
01:44Let them do to me what they did to Lieutenant Rada who went over there.
01:48there.
01:48And they even gave him a blowjob.
01:51Ah, here, it's my turn.
01:53Until you get the cassava out.
02:02Let's take advantage of this time to do all the shopping.
02:06Hey, hey!
02:08He didn't get caught, then, Chichombian.
02:10We caught you red-handed, that's what we got.
02:16Attention.
02:16A serious incident has just occurred on the Chichombo-Chamozolano border.
02:20A Colombian contingent was taken prisoner while hot pursuit of a group of criminals.
02:27Chancellor Chamozolano made some explosive statements regarding the incident.
02:31We will not allow the abuses of our dear Chichombian brothers, then.
02:36These guys are taking away our natural resources.
02:39It has been proven that the armed contingent we have captured intended to sabotage our sovereignty.
02:45Good evening.
02:47The only witness to the event is Mrs. Alvidia de Rabo, wife of the platoon commander, Corporal A. Rabo.
02:54These are his statements.
02:57They caught the poor man with his hands on the cassava, then they took that cassava and smashed it into a thousand pieces
03:03pieces, listen.
03:04Let me see if I understood you correctly, Mrs. Alvidia.
03:07This contingent was outraged in an abusive manner simply for being from Colombia.
03:13No, no, no. This is the last straw.
03:16Mr. President, you cannot allow this to happen again.
03:19You, Mr. Minister of Defense, you 38 million Colombians, we cannot let this continue to happen.
03:27Border incident strains relations with sister country.
03:32Don't let them take our cassava.
03:34Statements by Yamido Dyat increase nationalist fervor.
03:40Chichombia troops in first-degree quartering.
03:44First-line reservists called up.
03:50Oh, Martin, it's your turn. First-line reservist.
03:54Thank goodness, I'm already second-tier.
03:56You're wrong, Santiago. I'm second-tier too.
03:59Ah, so you're fresh too.
04:01No, it's just that since there's nothing top-tier in this country, they're going to call on those of us from
04:05second line.
04:08There's going to be a war, damn it.
04:10And don't recruit me, because this country doesn't make you want to fight.
04:13No, this country does make you want to fight, but against it.
04:17But that's not a problem. Right now I'm taking a ferry and going to live with an aunt who lives
04:22in Ambato, Ecuador.
04:23I don't have any problems. My dad is friends with the director of recruitment, General H.P. Palomino.
04:32And don't give me that line about being friends with anyone, because we're here to defend the
04:37homeland, teacher.
04:39The soldier's only friend is his rifle.
04:41General, I come with two parts. One that was assigned to you and another that is new.
04:48There are strong outbreaks of anti-Colombian sentiment in the media.
04:52Where?
04:54Fighting for the homeland. The only homeland I recognize is my own body.
04:58I don't fight for family, friends, or anything.
05:01And even less to fight for this death trap of a homeland.
05:05What's more, I'm joining the Chamosa ranks tomorrow.
05:09This is not a homeland. There is no homeland here.
05:11The nation must be built. This is a tribe.
05:14Well, let's leave you with the stupid activities of Tátara and Pito.
05:20We're back.
05:21Welcome to the Tatara Student Activities.
05:24With all the information that interests school kids.
05:29My daughter's school will be holding a First Communion ceremony with all the children...
05:35Take them away.
05:36Ar!
05:36We'll be right back with the next program.
05:49We'll be back in the next program.
05:56But how can they take me to the army, man, if I'm already 45 years old?
06:01Get in, you coward!
06:04But, general, look at me carefully.
06:07Look at the hips I have.
06:09I can't be in the army.
06:11I have a medical excuse.
06:13I have to use my body.
06:14I have to use a special toilet.
06:16Ah, get in, you lazy bum!
06:18But speaking ill of the country like that doesn't bother him, does it?
06:21But if we love this country, we will never...
06:26But why not?
06:27What did I hear?
06:29Fighting for the homeland.
06:30The only homeland I recognize is my body.
06:34That's exactly what I heard.
06:36And what am I going to fight for in this country, man?
06:39This is not a nation.
06:40There's no concept of country here, no concept of homeland, man.
06:42What's more, I'm joining the Chamosa batteries tomorrow.
06:47Take them away, ar.
06:53Names.
06:54Mr. Santiago Moure, sir.
06:59Mr. Martin de Francisco, sir.
07:05Mr. Great-Grandson, sir.
07:08What are you doing wearing the army uniform like that?
07:11No pants fit me, sir.
07:14Can't you see the hips I have?
07:19Mr. Pito López, sir.
07:24Mr. Pig Molina, sir.
07:26You cannot be called a pig.
07:28Sir, I can call myself a pig.
07:30That's my name, sir.
07:32Don't argue with me.
07:33I am General Hernando Pedro Palomino.
07:36And as you will see later,
07:38My initials reflect my personality.
07:41I'm going to teach you how to defend your homeland
07:43against the Chamosalan enemy.
07:45They're going to end up loving the glorious Chichombian army.
07:52Blessed be war, ala.
07:54The setting for the most beautiful business deals.
07:57Look, minister.
07:59I have stolen hydroelectric plants, highways,
08:01decentralized institutes.
08:03But there's no business like war, man.
08:06Because in addition to selling weapons and equipment at exorbitant prices,
08:10one gets rid of a little bit of gouache
08:13that we use as cannon fodder.
08:17If it's not useful, don't let it get in the way.
08:20Let's start equipping ourselves from the ground up,
08:22with some good boots.
08:24Doctor of Brigón,
08:25I need 50,000 left boots
08:27because the muna sold us 50,000 rights
08:30and it's got us screwed.
08:31Ah, but if you only want left-wingers,
08:34He has to pay an 80% increase.
08:43Who is the best entertainer?
08:46Don't ask me, Mr. Ball!
08:49Which truck driver looks like a dopey?
08:52Without a doubt, it's Aero Alonso!
08:55And whose head are we going to kick?
08:58There is no doubt about Copetán!
09:00And what happens to the one who couldn't anymore?
09:04Here's Batatayo, I'm shaking him.
09:08We'll be right back with the next program.
09:22We'll be back in the next program.
09:28Okay, so how are we doing in terms of rifles?
09:30Because our neighbors are equipped
09:32with Israeli and French armaments, wing.
09:35What rifle do we have for our glorious army?
09:39We would prefer the Russian AK-47, Brigadier's doctor.
09:42But that won't work here.
09:45Here you have to buy something that works here.
09:47We have an AK-14, which is Bolivian.
09:50That one's from here.
09:52Giddy-up, pig!
09:53Giddy-up, mule!
09:54But what are they doing?
09:56But, Sergeant Batata, didn't you say we were going for shooting practice?
10:00And you see, pork is great for shooting.
10:03Look at all we've plowed.
10:05Don't be stupid.
10:07This is target shooting training.
10:18Very good, Moure.
10:19It's clear you're the heir to a military betrayal.
10:24Mr. López, this is not the commune.
10:26This is shot by shot.
10:28No ammunition can withstand that.
10:30But, general, it's not the bullets.
10:32They're beans, you see.
10:38Sergeant, isolate this individual for chemical and bacteriological warfare.
10:45What's your problem, recruit?
10:48I'm a short-range shooter, General.
10:50You look like a lady.
10:53From now on, he is assigned to the kitchen.
11:01Very good, soldier.
11:03He's the best shooter.
11:04You have earned this teddy bear.
11:12This soldier isn't going to be of any use.
11:14What's wrong, Francisco?
11:15Are you not a good shot or what?
11:18Shooter?
11:19But with whom?
11:20I'm lonelier than a dog, General.
11:23I've been an independent shooter for a while now.
11:25He has a second chance.
11:37Indignation.
11:38A civilian plane from Chamosa has been shot down.
11:44Concha is worth it.
11:45Chancellor Burrelli declared war, then.
11:48This is an atrocious act that goes against international humanitarian law.
11:52and it goes against the Aguardiente convention
11:54Because they violated the Geneva Convention a long time ago, those bastards.
11:57The patriot army is now beginning to carry out sovereign maneuvers.
12:12But how can he give three beans to this miserable wretch?
12:15No food will keep like that.
12:16The only one they can give it to is the amount of our secret weapon.
12:19because it secretes smells that are holy Mary.
12:22Our ace in the hole.
12:31You're throwing our gas under your sleeve, sir.
12:34He can give this one four beans that are really stale.
12:39You have to take care of every last penny.
12:45Four aircraft carriers?
12:46No, five aircraft carriers for the Gulf of Marroquillo.
12:49Will we win this war?
12:50So why did we win?
12:51We'll be right back with the next program.
13:04We'll be back in the next program.
13:09Good work, Sergeant Batata.
13:11We've almost got them formed.
13:13This one is useful for the kitchen.
13:15This is our secret weapon.
13:17And this is our sniper.
13:19So what do we do with these two incompetents?
13:22Let me ask you a strategic question.
13:24How would you take a beach held by the enemy?
13:27A beach?
13:28How should I take it?
13:29So I arrive with a cooler, I take out a bottle of brandy
13:33and I take it with a white background.
13:35And that's when I get brave, because I'm a coward.
13:38But drunk, I'm a beast.
13:40And then I put the general in, listen.
13:42Which general?
14:00Don't be stupid.
14:01From tomorrow he will go to the front as cannon fodder.
14:04No, not in front.
14:06So, what about you, Moure?
14:07How would you take a beach?
14:09The beach could be like the capture of the island of Crete in the spring of 1943,
14:14when 1,500 brave paratroopers from the Luftwaffe and Wehrmacht amphibious forces,
14:21commanded by Marshal Kerselring and Colonel von Bloch,
14:25They established bridgeheads around the island,
14:28fortifying themselves in defensive positions against the combined Anglo-French forces
14:34which numbered 20,000 men.
14:36It was a historic act of war that marked a milestone in the history of humanity.
14:41Magnificent, Marshal von Moure.
14:43You will be the strategist who guides the destinies of these wretches on the front lines.
14:48But where is De Francisco?
14:51He must be on the front line of battle.
14:53But Mr. De Francisco, how come you're not going to the front?
14:57Are you a coward or what?
14:58No sir, to go to the front lines to fight for your country you have to have balls.
15:03And I only have one, which you can call a cushion, but never a testicle.
15:09And I want you not just to be witnesses, but to be witnesses of this unusual disease.
15:15Obogenia!
15:18Yes sir! Obogenia!
15:21General, I cannot be in the army, I am a disqualified person.
15:26That's what you think, Mr. De Francisco, you will go to a court-martial accused of high treason against the homeland.
15:31You probably mutilated yourself.
15:34Santiago, please help me, do something.
15:37Sure, I'll help you, I'm your friend.
15:40General Palomino, it is necessary to have a person infiltrated behind the enemy's positions.
15:46Remember what Otto Scorsini did when he jumped behind the lines at Gran Sasso to free Benito
15:52Mussolini.
15:52Ah, right, get to the point. I'm fed up with your stories.
15:57We need someone to parachute in behind enemy positions.
16:01We need a spy.
16:02But who could be useful for this? We need someone who has nothing to lose.
16:07Exactly, general, a miserable wretch.
16:10Someone without friends, without love, without desires.
16:12That he is not useful to society, that he is a burden to his family.
16:16A true human waste.
16:18Someone no one will miss.
16:20But even the most miserable of men has something in life, even if it's just a dog.
16:25No, General. It does exist. You have it right here in front of you.
16:33Good luck, friend.
16:35Thanks to you, dog.
16:37It was for your own good. Otherwise, they would have cut off the other one...
16:41No, don't even say it.
16:42There he goes. He's a brave man.
16:44With a Swiss Army knife, a 9mm pistol, a spinning top in his pocket and another one in his underwear.
16:50You must avoid heavy enemy anti-aircraft fire.
17:21Sergeant, you're not going to believe this.
17:22But then a mosquito comes by parachute.
17:25He didn't grab me.
17:27It's not a mosquito, then.
17:29It's just that all the Colombians are starving, that's all.
17:32We're going to win this war more easily than we thought.
17:35Fire!
17:46In the next chapter, witness the heroic espionage work of our insolent buffoon in Chamozolo territory.
17:54Hand over the mules, the platoons, and the bayonets, then!
17:58Mules? Platoons? Bayonets?
18:02These people are so backward. They're stuck in the 19th century.
18:06The Chamozolo army mobilizes unexpectedly and attacks the population of Maicao,
18:12where they are expelled not by the Chipchombian army, but by the incredibly hot weather they experienced there.
18:19Then they attacked Cúcuta, invading the village, and not content with destroying into a thousand pieces the statue erected in honor of
18:27daddies,
18:28They subject the jester to the most relentless torture, forcing him to continuously listen to archival tapes of his television program.
18:35tomorrow.
18:35Then the fate of an entire country rests in the hands of the irresponsible Marshal Von Moure.
18:49From a young age we have been lazy, watching TV, a paradise for idle people.
19:00And to speak of people who are of no importance whatsoever, no, no, always mediocre from the very beginning of infancy.
19:11Wasting time, always reviewing the same thing, it's been thirty years already, wasted.
19:23Time passed, a dream of nothing, better than himself.
19:28We didn't get through it, between the red ones and towards the beginning.
19:34And here we are, and here we stay.
19:42Thank you!
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