- hace 2 días
Doña anciana se vuelve parte de la emisora PQEK donde trabajan Martín, Santiago y Cerdo.
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00:00The following program is a television product.
00:30From the very beginning of breastfeeding, wasting time, always thinking about the same thing, that's already thirty years wasted.
01:03Today we present Doña Anciala Decrepita.
01:08That power thing wasn't for us, that's for ambitious people.
01:13We have a live broadcast from the Capitol of the former cabinet in full session.
01:17What are they going to do now that they're not in government?
01:20Let's get back to what we do best, to getting drunk on doing the radio show.
01:24Do we really need Tátara's hips and Pito's mediocrity?
01:28Do you have any news for the radio program?
01:31Ah, of course.
01:37Oh, my head hurt and I realized I was alive.
01:42Because at my age, if you don't feel any pain, it's because you're dead.
01:48In fact, tomorrow on the program we will introduce this new character to the great Colombian family.
01:53Uh, sorry, to this old character who will accompany us.
01:57Decrepit Old Lady.
01:58Don't you think this is a very old character for youth radio?
02:03You are mistaken, Mr. Journalist.
02:05Remember that youth radio is in the hands of old people.
02:07Or if not, ask Pito, who is already 50 years old.
02:11What a shame, Don Santiago.
02:13But I have to go.
02:14I don't have any money and I have to walk.
02:17And with these varicose veins, I have to rest every two blocks.
02:22But how could you go around without money, old lady?
02:25You're going by bus, right?
02:26Yes sir.
02:27I would give him the ticket, but knowing how unsafe it is on buses,
02:31Giving her so much money would be harming her because she could get robbed.
02:36Thank you, Don Santiago.
02:38But...
02:38But what?
02:39I haven't eaten all day.
02:41But how can you do this to us, old lady?
02:44Don't be selfish.
02:45You cannot neglect your health.
02:48Remember that starting tomorrow, you are an integral part of the program.
02:53See you at the radio station at six in the morning.
02:55Oh, how lucky.
02:57A bus is coming and it's going to my house.
02:59See you tomorrow.
03:01Not all of us are as lucky as you, old lady.
03:04So, journalists, to make a strong comeback in youth radio,
03:08We have hired this senile old woman.
03:10What happened, old lady?
03:11He went to catch the bus.
03:13Don't forget, old lady.
03:14Six in the morning.
03:16Rather, the bus picked her up.
03:18We'll be right back with the next program.
03:22Thank you!
03:31We're back with the next program.
03:35They already know.
03:36Starting tomorrow, Martín and Santiago return to youth radio with the presence of Doña Anciana decrépita.
03:43I never thought I'd be glad these guys came back.
03:47But just look at the ratings since you two took over the morning show.
03:53It's J. Mario, Dr. C. J.
03:55I've told him a thousand times not to pass me that dog that doesn't work here anymore.
03:58Go do this, man.
04:01Who's speaking?
04:03Oh, great magnate of magnates!
04:07Prince of beer and communications.
04:11Here are his most loyal and devoted vassals.
04:15Shut up, you stupid incompetents!
04:18What are they going to do with that radio station?
04:20Even the big shots and the big shots are beating them.
04:25Calm down, calm down, J. Mario.
04:27Starting tomorrow, we begin a new era in radio.
04:30Yeah.
04:31We've come up with a new idea involving an old lady, sir.
04:34It had better be good.
04:37I'll be listening from here, and remember...
04:40I am everywhere.
04:44I was barely able to speak to him.
04:47What a penetrating voice.
04:48It's like the voice of God.
04:51No way, what annoying guys.
04:54Thank goodness I bought this device to scare them.
04:58Incompetent!
05:02An old woman on youth radio.
05:07Ridiculous, yes, but...
05:09picturesque.
05:19Oh, what a bland rooster!
05:21My husband isn't going to like this rooster broth.
05:23I'm going to add more seasoning and take a bath while I'm at it.
05:28Ah!
05:29This broth is hot.
05:31I hadn't had a hot bath since 1953...
05:34...when the Chulavitas burned down the house in Anolaima.
05:39My God!
05:40I'm running very late.
05:42It's six kilometers uphill from here to the road.
05:54Oops!
05:55There goes my bus.
05:56I have to catch up with him.
05:57Stop!
05:58Stop!
05:59Stop!
06:00Stop!
06:01Stop!
06:03Stop!
06:08Thank you very much, driver.
06:10He had been running for twenty-five blocks.
06:13Now you can continue.
06:14Can't you see we're on a tree trunk?
06:16That's why I stopped.
06:21Oops!
06:21It's almost six o'clock!
06:23Today, supposedly, the TV nonsense was returning to Radio Pecueca.
06:26And supposedly with a funny old lady.
06:29Hahaha!
06:31Good morning, you damn listeners.
06:33Here again are the princes of mediocrity.
06:36Ha ha ha!
06:37We had announced the presence of the old woman who will impose Alzheimer's mania on the radio.
06:43In the studio with us, waiting expectantly, are the media outlets of this country, awaiting the arrival of the decrepit old lady.
06:50This platform.
06:51Oh, Mr. Driver! Hurry up, I'm that old lady that Martín and Santiago are waiting for.
06:57It's you! Irresponsible old woman! You should have gotten up earlier!
07:02But, sir driver, I got up at three in the morning.
07:06Don't say a word to me, you ungrateful woman! You're given a chance and you reject it!
07:11You inconsiderate old woman!
07:18Well, the old lady is a little late this morning, but while we wait for her, I'll tell you a little bit about
07:24their wretched existence.
07:26The elderly lady was born in 1914 in the Cundinamarca municipality of Anolaima, a temperate land blessed with a climate
07:34pleasant and healthy.
07:35In her early years she lived surrounded by the pleasant life of the countryside.
07:39She was the object of pampering and attention from all members of the family, as she was the youngest.
07:46The liberal party was over! Down with the elbows!
07:49Despite the peace that permeated the place, his father decided to seek his fortune in the capital.
07:55He's actually still looking for her.
08:01Once in Bogotá, she met Mr. Liborio Crépita, with whom she fell in love at first sight, for he was a
08:08A man of charming appearance and good manners.
08:11There was an instant connection, or should I say, a spark.
08:15Ha ha ha! I won! Another snifter of beer! Anyone who doesn't like it can come and I'll give them a machete!
08:22What an unpleasant and rude man! I would never go near someone like him!
08:27Come on, let me do one last one! A reverse embocinada! Ha, ha, ha!
08:38They got married shortly afterwards.
08:41From then on, not much happens in the life of the old lady.
08:44First she devoted herself to her husband, then to her children, later to her grandchildren and great-grandchildren.
08:48And today, her husband, children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren, and great-great-grandchildren live off her.
08:54Poor lady, man!
08:55But poor thing, why!
08:57Life had handed him opportunities on a silver platter.
09:00Today, for example, the only thing I had to do, the only thing,
09:03It was getting up, taking a shower, catching a bus and coming here.
09:07Is that too much to ask?
09:09We're back with this garbage!
09:22We'll be back in the next program.
09:25Well, it seems old lady isn't coming today, so we're going to give you a little bit
09:30more of the same.
09:31Dwarf.
09:32Dog.
09:33Mug.
09:33Jairo Alonso.
09:34Black guardianship.
09:35Good morning.
09:36But she doesn't know what time it is, I'm going to hang her.
09:40No, no, no, man, wait, at least let him tell us what happened, that way we'll fill those 15 minutes
09:45that we're missing for today.
09:46What happened, old lady?
09:48Well, it turns out I got stuck in traffic.
09:50Hahaha!
09:51Ah, she got stuck in traffic, you crazy woman.
09:54What size?
09:56No, that was huge.
09:58It started in Boyaca and ended way over there on the highway.
10:02Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
10:04Oh, that's not all.
10:06You can't imagine the effort it took me to catch the rooster to give it to my husband for breakfast.
10:12Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
10:14Do you give your husband rooster?
10:16But that's very tough meat.
10:17He actually likes chicks, but since he doesn't have enough money, that's why I give him roosters.
10:26You see how things are, man?
10:28You give them the round boot and they give you back the square one.
10:32That's better than milking.
10:34The thing is, Martín and Santiago are good.
10:41Mr. J. Mario, do Nelson Rockefeller and Oscar de la Renta want to speak with you?
10:45Income tax?
10:46Sorry.
10:47Income tax?
10:49Tell Nelson and Oscar to pay me tomorrow.
10:52Well, our time is up, but we'll continue with Doña Anciano tomorrow.
10:57What will the Old Lady talk to us about tomorrow?
11:00Oh, some of the things that have happened to me.
11:02For example, when we went with a group of grandparents to a farm called El Carajo.
11:07Ah, they went to hell.
11:09That sounds fun.
11:10Don't miss tomorrow's show and may the dog eat you.
11:14And that's when I said to myself, we have to innovate, we have to revolutionize youth radio somehow.
11:21And then I had the great idea of hiring an old woman.
11:26Look at Tatara, always stealing credit and riding on people's coattails.
11:30That boy is so intelligent, isn't he, Don Tátara?
11:33And it looks so good, Don Santiago.
11:36I feel bad, but I want to ask you, who's going to pay me?
11:40Well, the person who hired her and who, according to him, was responsible for the idea.
11:45Tatara!
11:46Because if there's one thing I know about in this life, it's radio.
11:50That's why I said to myself, Tatara, what do you have to do to regain the number one spot in the polls?
11:56Well, hire an old woman.
11:58Mr. Tatara, may I have a moment?
12:01Just a moment, please.
12:02I must attend to the star of this station.
12:06What do you want, sweet old lady?
12:07I'm sorry to bother you, Mr. Tátara, but I would like to ask how much you are going to pay me.
12:13Martín and Santiago hadn't told him.
12:15We don't have the budget to pay him right now.
12:18But we are arranging a plot for him in Jardines de la Paz, Bolivia.
12:23A lot? How kind of you, Mr. Tátara.
12:26Sorry, Tatara.
12:27May we ask a question for the elderly lady?
12:30Of course.
12:32She is today's star.
12:34Forward.
12:34Old lady, the whole country is wondering...
12:38Very good, guys.
12:39The show's ratings were impressive.
12:41Look.
12:42This ratings drop here is from when these two idiots had the show.
12:47And this upward stretch is what you did with that old lady.
12:52That old woman is really good.
12:53Ah, so now we can talk about the increase.
12:57Increase?
12:58No, sir.
12:59Something very serious is happening.
13:01Look.
13:03Old lady, tell us.
13:05How much are they paying him at Radio Pecueca?
13:08Well, the truth is that they're not paying me anything.
13:11But they are very good people to me.
13:13What do you think of this old, bad class, man?
13:16He goes around telling everyone that he doesn't get paid anything here.
13:19But you're paying him, Dr. CJ.
13:21Of course not.
13:23But those things aren't said.
13:25So shut that old woman up and get lost.
13:28We'll be right back with this mess.
13:41We'll be back in the next program.
13:45Wow, it's so nice working with you guys.
13:48Starting tomorrow, I'm going to tell you my husband's story.
13:51He was very poor from a young age.
13:53His father and mother died in a fire.
13:56But he managed to save himself.
13:58But he was left with terrible lacerations on his left leg.
14:03Oh, Don Martín, could you drop me off here?
14:05I have to catch the bus.
14:07And you need money for the bus, don't you, old lady?
14:10Oh, but it caught me unprepared.
14:11Hey Santiago, don't you have anything there for the old lady?
14:14Well, of course, absolutely.
14:16Twenty pesos?
14:18Thank you very much, Don Santiago.
14:20You are very generous.
14:21But that's what a bus ticket cost twenty-five years ago.
14:27Precisely, old lady.
14:28That bus that you've been taking for twenty-five years.
14:31See you tomorrow.
14:32Oh, this lady and her stories depress me, Martin.
14:36Will people like this tomorrow?
14:38Sure, man.
14:39Didn't you see the ratings?
14:40People were having fun.
14:42Yes, but it was only for the last fifteen minutes.
14:45But can you imagine three straight hours filled with the misfortunes that lady has to tell?
14:55I am!
14:56I am!
14:57Oh, how delicious!
14:58More than seventy artists from the local entertainment scene...
15:01Oh, showbiz and Creole, poverty.
15:03Ah, their prizes are the poorest, most meager on earth.
15:08And you weren't nominated?
15:09No, thank goodness, because if I ever earn it, I'll retire from this whole thing.
15:13And I would love to win it, because it's a nomination made by the people.
15:18It's not right.
15:20Well, this text was written by Julio Jiménez, the one who writes Paquita Gallego, which is a lie.
15:24Everything he does is rubbish.
15:26Let it go, man.
15:27To feel her by my side.
15:29Otherwise, I would die.
15:31No, this is such a drag!
15:32That's all he's got!
15:33Look, who is this?
15:34Oh, these are the ones who made the Paquita Gallego jingle, right?
15:39Who is this, huh?
15:41I don't know, but he has a certain attitude and seems inept.
15:45It seems so, doesn't it?
15:46Look, listen to it, listen to it.
15:47There it was, with a rough diamond, which just needed polishing.
15:51They took away the diamond and left him with the rough stuff.
15:53I don't know, I don't know him, but I think, it seems to me, that he's an idiot.
15:57What is this?
15:58It's a convention of idiots, what is this?
16:02How ridiculous.
16:03That's what the bald guy in the back is.
16:04Eh, the nerve.
16:06It's typical of Colombia.
16:09But, from a stupid Colombian?
16:11Without saying that he is.
16:12No no.
16:13But look, every screen-goer doesn't know the lyrics, brother.
16:16No one will ever love you.
16:18Don't you know it?
16:19Oh, how crazy, how crazy!
16:21Oh, I want to belong to that group, I want to be there.
16:24Yes, how crazy, how delicious.
16:25No, don't take it away, man.
16:27It's like, like...
16:28Look, Erika's dad and the market.
16:32No, no, put that back.
16:35He's not going to like it, he's not going to like it.
16:38But not so loose.
16:39Not so loose, dude, that's Quincy Jones, then.
16:43Producer the tough one.
16:44But what about that, and there, the trumpet you mentioned, right?
16:46He would have sung a line.
16:48Yes, yes, yes.
16:48And what is he doing there?
16:49He's creative, he's creative.
16:51It's a concept.
16:52The king of the concept.
16:53Everything soft.
16:55Flabby.
16:57I heard the trumpet.
17:00No, I think it's really ridiculous.
17:03It seems to me, then.
17:05Oh, yeah, shut up, man.
17:10That's enough, man, that's enough.
17:13What a huge stupidity.
17:14Ugh, I'm already bored with these ridiculous people.
17:16Besides, tomorrow we have to put up with old lady for three hours, brother.
17:19During Holy Week, I was staying with my brother-in-law; they went to Florida and I stayed there.
17:27I was pregnant then, I was six months along.
17:29And I was cooking on a small gasoline stove; I put it on the coal stove, and the stove's leg got stuck.
17:37in the little hole in the stove and the pot fell on top of me.
17:40I got burned, I scalded my arms and...
17:43I can't stand this old woman anymore.
17:45I have to tell Papa Pito what's going on here.
17:52And then that flood in Anolaima ruined my grandfather.
17:56What's up, Pito?
17:57Were you also moved by the old woman's stories?
18:01No, man, what a story, what nonsense.
18:04The problem is that the ratings are dropping.
18:06The strange thing is that the audience isn't switching to other stations.
18:09What's going on with our listeners, man?
18:12And the next day it couldn't be stopped, it was completely destroyed.
18:16No way!
18:21Maria, who could possibly call at such an important moment in my life, man?
18:25Hi, CJ.
18:26Hey, J. Mario, how can you call me at a time like this?
18:29I already told you there's nothing for you, man.
18:32Incompetent, I want that broadcast stopped immediately.
18:36That old woman is depressing half the world.
18:38And even here in New York, news of their misfortunes reaches me.
18:42What do you mean it's closed, man?
18:44Open that door, no matter what!
18:46The unemployment hurt him, the ugly one tore him to pieces.
18:51Doña Enciana, open that door or we'll have to blow it up!
18:54Well, I'd like to tell you the story of my uncle
18:57that gave him trichinosis.
18:59We had no other choice, so blow that door open.
19:01That old woman needs to be stopped.
19:03Ten, nine, eight!
19:06He closed the door and the house fell on top of him.
19:08Five, four!
19:10They found it completely destroyed.
19:12Three, two!
19:14Without legs, without arms.
19:16One, zero!
19:20Well, that was it.
19:22Or rather, nothing.
19:24Let the holm oak eat them.
19:26See you tomorrow.
19:27What could have happened here?
19:29It looks like there was a party.
19:31But you see, it wasn't so bad?
19:33The three hours flew by.
19:35Listen, the truth is that time flew by for me too.
19:38Tomorrow we can do the program again with Doña Enciana.
19:41Over my dead body, gentlemen!
19:45Where is Doña Enciana?
19:46I think you're over your dead body.
19:49Help me!
19:50I'm here!
19:59We've been lazy since we were little
20:04Watching TV
20:06Bear Paradise
20:09Delicious
20:09And talking about people
20:11That it's of no importance whatsoever
20:14No no
20:15Always mediocre
20:17From the very beginning of breastfeeding
20:20Yeah, yeah
20:21Wasting time
20:23Always thinking about the same thing
20:26And those thirty years
20:29Lost
20:32Time passed
20:34I dream of something better about myself
20:37We had a great time
20:40Among the promises
20:41And to everyone, including children
20:42And here we are
20:45And here we stay
20:52Selling my corpse
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