- 14 minutes ago
- #goingdutch
- #s02e12
- #englsub
- #fullepisode
The Dutch family adventure continues with even more hilarious chaos as cultures clash and secrets come out! 😂🔥
Expect non-stop laughs and heartwarming moments in this comedy-filled episode.
👉 Watch now and don’t miss this funny episode!
#GoingDutch #S02E12 #ENGLSUB #FullEpisode
Expect non-stop laughs and heartwarming moments in this comedy-filled episode.
👉 Watch now and don’t miss this funny episode!
#GoingDutch #S02E12 #ENGLSUB #FullEpisode
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TVTranscript
00:12Transcription by CastingWords
00:30You know, I had a feeling you'd knock on my door.
00:32Really?
00:33Did you know that I am the first woman in the Canadian Army to see combat?
00:37I know.
00:37And the first woman to ever lead NATO.
00:39I know. NATO me, baby.
00:41But I will not be the first woman to fall for some half-assed sexual harassment trap.
00:46You're in my chain of command.
00:47Going any further could be cause for my dismissal.
00:50Okay. I had one card to play and I played it, all right?
00:52Really? Because I found a brick of marijuana when I was hiding the pantry knife.
00:56Pantry knife?
00:57Everybody knows you don't hide a knife in the pantry.
01:00You hide a gun.
01:02What is this?
01:05Forget it, Scrap. She found the drugs we planted.
01:07Bye.
01:15It's a vote of confidence that General Martin is letting me help mediate the situation between you two.
01:20Mediators. They're like the refs of real life except they have no whistles, no power, and no purpose.
01:25You wanted me to work with Martin so that I can help, right?
01:27Mm-hmm.
01:28Well, you have got to meet me halfway.
01:30Colonel.
01:31I see you're still in my office.
01:32Our office.
01:33I would like to start by thanking you for this opportunity. I believe that we can find a fair solution
01:38today.
01:39That doesn't involve a sex trap?
01:40Your loss.
01:41I am willing to offer a few fair solutions. Number one, we can transfer him to a different army base,
01:46or he can continue to work here under my command, but with minimal contact.
01:49I have prepared what I consider to be a very reasonable counteroffer.
01:54Oh, I can't.
01:55I...
01:56You could just get...
01:57No.
02:02Go back to hell, you succubus demon.
02:04Is it too much to ask for her to hold a crucifix and just see if it burns?
02:07Oh, my God. You know what? I've changed my mind.
02:10Did you move the tape?
02:11Yes, you did, because that's my heart medication.
02:13What's it for? Growing a heart?
02:15You're such a baby.
02:16I'm the baby? You're the baby.
02:17You are being a baby.
02:18I'm not the...
02:19She's the baby.
02:23Dumbest hats in NATO. Italy.
02:25Yeah, it's giving Peter Pan, but Britain literally has a feather in their cap.
02:28I'm supposed to take you serious.
02:29I like the feathers in the caps.
02:31Shut up, Gideon. That's not the stance we've taken.
02:33No, we had feathers.
02:34Have you guys seen Shaw around?
02:36Yeah, the colonel has him working part-time because he's still in denial about his retirement.
02:39Yeah, I really need to talk to him because I haven't seen him since...
02:43Since the breakup.
02:45Girl, just say it.
02:46Okay, since the breakup.
02:48I mean, between the divorce and the retirement, the man is having a well-earned midlife crisis.
02:53Mahalo! Who wants scratch-off?
02:55There you go. Love that feather.
02:57What's up, pool bros?
02:58How you guys doing, scratch-off?
02:59Get that money. There we go.
03:01Scratch-off!
03:01Oh, scratch-off!
03:02I didn't get any.
03:04Maggie?
03:06Abe?
03:07Actually, while I'm waiting for my DD-214 team, I've entered this new phase of my life called freedom.
03:12So I'm going by A.B. It's a little nickname I'm trying out.
03:15Is that a soul patch?
03:16Mm-hmm.
03:17I love A.B. He's like a thousand times more awesome than the major.
03:20Hey, Maggie, you should dump Gideon next. Maybe he'll finally be cool.
03:24I'd love that.
03:25Uh, look, Abe, uh, A.B., I've been thinking about it a lot, and I'm ready to talk.
03:31So maybe you guys could give us a...
03:33Yeah, you know what? We should leave these nice people to their drama.
03:37Hey, hey, hey, no need, no need, because there is no drama. We're copacetic. We are good.
03:41We're so good. We're all good. You're good. I'm good. You're good. You're good.
03:44What's up? What's up?
03:45Am I good?
03:46Mm, you're good.
03:46Cool.
03:47Okay.
03:48Uh, what is happening?
03:50Because, you know, you've been retired for a week.
03:53Yeah, but when I do something, I go all in. I checked out, like, 40 books from the library, all
03:57about the rules of freedom.
03:58I even watched the Matthew McConaughey Masterclass, and he helped me realize that everything is going to be all right.
04:06All right.
04:07All right.
04:08All right.
04:09Now you're getting it.
04:10Okay.
04:13Specialist Gideon, have you cleaned my battle tank before?
04:15No, but I'm excited.
04:17Okay, listen. The military uses a very highly toxic fluid, so don't let it get on your skin, because, well,
04:22it could kill you.
04:24Hey, wait a minute. Where's my tank?
04:26What? Where is it?
04:29Sir, the highly toxic fluid is melting my shoes.
04:32Shh, I'm trying to hear the alarm.
04:34Will you help me put my mask on?
04:35Too late for that. I gotta find my tank.
04:37Oh, man, that's going through fast.
04:40Where's my beautiful tank? Where is Rosalita?
04:43You mean my new compressed metal nightstand?
04:46You know what? Cube up everything I love.
04:47What about your people?
04:49Because I just found 200 fake handbags that I'm eager to talk to Sergeant Conway about, and I realized Corporal
04:54Papadakis has personal grooming that does not fit Army protocol, and I might have to take a razor to that
04:59head of his.
05:00Well, it's not really necessary.
05:02Papadakis believes that his mustache is a Samson situation.
05:04You know, like, his IT skills come from the 11 hairs on his lip.
05:07That's up to your father.
05:08You see, tomorrow, the NATO selection board is going to rubber stamp me as the new head of this base,
05:13and I'm going to have to make some really tough personnel decisions.
05:16No, no, no. Who's in the talk?
05:18Oh, they're taking it away?
05:20I need a compressed nightstand for the other side of my bed.
05:23Colonel, where's the colonel?
05:26Hey.
05:27Hey.
05:28Listen, I have a plan. Are you making Molotov cocktails?
05:31Technically, they're not Molotov cocktails, unless you light them.
05:34And I am going to light them, so yeah, technically, I guess they are.
05:38Okay, just, I was wrong. There is no meeting Martin in the middle.
05:42I am.
05:42So, if we want to take Stroopstorf back, we're going to have to fight fire with fire.
05:45Right.
05:46Metaphorical fire.
05:47Real fire is so much better.
05:49Dad, all I have asked of you, since you've come to this base, is to trust me.
05:53Okay, so can you do that for once? Can you just trust me?
05:56Okay.
05:57Okay, so, in Brussels, the NATO selection committee is meeting...
06:01It's everything I hate, in one sentence.
06:04Okay, go ahead.
06:04While you were making Molotov cocktails, I was making manyards.
06:10Oh.
06:11Because if we can't beat them, you are going to join them.
06:18You know, it is such an honor to be in the running to lead NATO's newest base, even if I'm
06:23the only candidate.
06:25Actually, so, of this morning, there is another one.
06:29Maybe you knew him.
06:30I mean, I think I'm the perfect person to run your peacekeeping force, because I've used force to keep the
06:34peace for so long.
06:36What do you do when you hate peace?
06:38I love peace now.
06:39I've come around, because I realize how I can use it to destroy my enemies.
06:42Peace out.
06:49What I want to know is who selects the selection board, because you guys clean up great.
06:54You guys are looking awesome.
06:56This wasn't your father's idea, Major.
06:59You did this.
07:01Couldn't let you fire my friends.
07:03Well, when I get the job, it'll be bad for you, your buddies, and whatever yawn is to you.
07:09A work compatriot, who I've accidentally seen naked four times.
07:12Oh.
07:13And, uh, you have to get the job first.
07:18Look at him.
07:19He's already self-destructing.
07:21Look at the bright side.
07:22I mean, nuclear winter means more ice time for all the hockey players from Finland.
07:26You guys can take over the National Hockey League.
07:30Guys.
07:36Okay, party gang.
07:38Around the blue zombies to usher in your freedom.
07:40Hey.
07:41Okay.
07:41Welcome to the good life.
07:44You know, these are kind of my thing now.
07:45Rum and food coloring, they look like Windex, but they taste like Windex.
07:51It's gone very, very bad.
07:52But it doesn't matter, because I got nothing ahead of me today, except nothing.
07:58There you guys are.
07:59What are you doing?
08:00There's, like, no time.
08:00General Martin is going to get rid of everybody on the base when she takes it over.
08:04What?
08:04Who is General Martin?
08:06But I have a plan.
08:06Just need your help.
08:07Of course, A.B., you probably can't come, because you'll be manifesting relaxation on a meditation
08:13nap.
08:13Sam Elliott voices a bear called Sleepyboo that helps you take a nap in your mind.
08:17Fine.
08:17Yeah.
08:17And, uh, for the rest of you, I will walk you through the plan on the way there.
08:20All right.
08:21Hey, hey, hey, just curious.
08:23Have you fully thought out the logistics and possible variations of this plan?
08:25Why?
08:26Do you maybe want to join us for one last mission?
08:29Maybe?
08:30On the day of my retirement?
08:31If movies have taught me anything, that's when I'm most likely to be shot.
08:35So, I'm in.
08:37All right.
08:38Ooh, ooh.
08:39Didn't look like you needed that.
08:40I didn't, and I have an immediate headache.
08:42Okay, let's go.
08:43Okay.
08:44Uh, hey.
08:44Yeah.
08:45By step one of the plan, get rid of that.
08:47Uh, two seconds?
08:48No.
08:54Where have you been?
08:55I've been pretending to be Mr. Nice Guy for the last 45 minutes.
08:58I was getting reinforcements.
09:09All right, team.
09:10Um, here's the plan.
09:11So, every candidate has been asked to give a presentation outlining how they would lead
09:16the new NATO base.
09:17Papadakis, I need your hacking skills.
09:20War.
09:21Oh, it's coming.
09:23Which is why we here at NATO believe Stroopstorff is essential.
09:27Two art.
09:29Um, no.
09:30Um, I did not use Comic Sans as a font.
09:35Okay, this is my presentation, but a lot sillier.
09:38This was back font.
09:38Just look at the content, not the delivery.
09:43Who attacked me?
09:45Conway.
09:46The chairman loves wine, so you need to get him something expensive and impossible to find.
09:50Chairman Mueller.
09:51I hope you're a fan of Beaujolais.
09:53Because if you are, I've got a bottle so old, Jesus turned it into wine himself.
09:57Yeah, it's fine.
09:58Thank you, ma'am.
10:01The colonel is way less prepared, so his presentation has to just be old war stories.
10:06Shaw, help him pick a winner.
10:08The other two caves?
10:09That's too angry.
10:10How about the, uh, IED and the moped?
10:12Too problematic and angry.
10:13Why are all my stories too angry?
10:14I don't know, maybe nature and nurture.
10:16Hey, what about the hoodless gangsters?
10:19Oh, that's a good one.
10:19That's a good one.
10:20Yeah, right.
10:21So, we're about to breach, right?
10:24And, uh, oh, you hear all these insurgents yelling and screaming inside.
10:27We knock the door down.
10:28Guess what they're doing?
10:29They're watching the Sopranos finale.
10:35I had a 60-minute PowerPoint and a recommendation letter written by Butrus Butrus Ghali on his deathbed, but...
10:43Well, Mags, this was a great plan, but I can't wait to get my base back so I never have
10:47to talk to these NATO dorks ever again.
10:50Right?
10:50Yeah.
10:51Yeah.
10:52He knows that if he gets the job, he's going to have to deal with them all the time.
10:55Yeah, no, I don't think he listened to my whole plan.
10:57He's not a good listener.
10:58Well, whether or not he's listening to me, at least he's trusting me.
11:00Well, finally.
11:01He's got to trust someone, right, now that you're, uh, you're leaving?
11:08I have an announcement to make.
11:10The selection board is split, so we are asking for a final statement from each candidate.
11:18Follow me.
11:20I'm a little drunk.
11:21Yeah.
11:29General Martin, we will start with your statement.
11:34Thank you, Chairman Mueller.
11:36You all know me.
11:38You know my work.
11:39Therefore, I've decided to yield my time to someone who knows both myself and the colonel very well.
11:50Surprise witness.
11:51We should crush more bureaucratic meetings.
11:52They don't like this.
11:55I'm General Gerald Davidson, and as Colonel Quinn's CEO, I have unique insights into his qualifications.
12:02I'm sorry to say to the board that all of you have been duped, duped by Colonel Quinn and his
12:09band of merry morons who have hacked and schemed their way into this selection process.
12:15But you don't have to take it from me.
12:17It's best you hear it directly from his soldiers.
12:21Sergeant Conway, Corporal Papadakis, won't you join us?
12:24Oh, okay.
12:26Okay.
12:27Hey, everybody.
12:28Should've been with the firebombing.
12:33Sergeant Conway, before Colonel Quinn came to Struppstorf, you often used military resources to transport unauthorized items in violation of
12:42Army code.
12:43But Colonel Quinn put a stop to that, correct?
12:47The colonel is not aware of all of my operations.
12:50Okay, that makes the colonel sound bad.
12:52Corporal Papadakis, has Colonel Quinn ever asked you to cut your hair?
12:57Uh, yeah.
12:58I once woke up in the middle of the night, and he was hovering over me with scissors.
13:03But I cried, and he left me alone.
13:06And what consequences did you face for your insubordination?
13:09Well, one of the consequences of having hair like this is I can't online date, because my inbox frickin' crashes.
13:16What's up, North Macedonia?
13:18Thank you. You're both dismissed.
13:20Sorry.
13:21The only officer of quality that I have ever seen associate with Colonel Quinn is Major Shaw, who just abruptly
13:28retired.
13:29Major Shaw, did you do so for well-thought-out professional reasons?
13:32No.
13:35I did it for a woman, sir.
13:39There you have it.
13:41Colonel Quinn poisons the best soldiers and protects the worst.
13:45I rest my case.
13:47Thank you, General.
13:48That was very enlightening.
13:50Colonel, are you prepared to make your statement?
13:52Yes.
13:53As a matter of fact, I am.
13:54I have many things to say about General Davidson.
13:57But first, I'm going to need a translator who can say the word prostitute in 29 different NATO languages.
14:02Chairman, we're going to need a moment with the colonel.
14:04Oh.
14:05Do not take this date.
14:07I want to go out in a blaze of glory, metaphorically speaking, because you wouldn't let me bring my Molotov
14:11cocktail.
14:11Dad, you are better than this.
14:13I know that you've grown as a person since coming to Strip Store.
14:16I know.
14:17But my enemies are going to use that against me.
14:19You think that caring is a weakness, but it is a strength.
14:22Colonel Quinn, your statement.
14:30General Davidson is right.
14:32All the soldiers at my base are useless.
14:36The soldiers, they're just too soft.
14:40And I should relieve them, but I'm not going to.
14:43Because I'm soft, too.
14:45That's what Strip Store does to people.
14:47It makes you soft.
14:49It's a terrible, terrible base.
14:50You guys don't want this as a base.
14:52The base has been decided.
14:54We're not even talking about that.
14:55Thank you, General Martin, but let him speak.
14:58Thank you, Chairman.
14:59Strip Store is terrible.
15:01It's not centrally located.
15:02I mean, it doesn't have a working airfield.
15:04If more than 10 people take a shower at one time, we run out of hot water.
15:08All people do at Strip Store is eat cheese and have feelings.
15:11That's all they do.
15:13I used to think that having feelings was a sign of weakness, you know?
15:16And now even I am finding myself having feelings.
15:20And I'm eating cheese.
15:21Is this a notice breakdown?
15:23I think so.
15:23What's wrong with me?
15:24I'll tell you what's wrong with me.
15:27Strip Starf.
15:30He's taking away my edges.
15:31That's why you don't want it.
15:33It's going to ruin NATO.
15:34It's going to take away all the edges.
15:35You guys are going to be sitting around eating cheese and crying.
15:39Is that what you want?
15:40No, you don't.
15:42You want Baumholder.
15:43That's a real base.
15:44What?
15:45No.
15:46Baumholder is my base.
15:47Baumholder is a great base because this man is leading them.
15:49You can tell he's a real general.
15:50Look at him.
15:50Two stars.
15:51He knows what's going on.
15:52And they got hot water for days.
15:55Unless you don't want a centrally located base in Germany.
15:58That's up to you guys.
16:00What do you think?
16:01It's up to me.
16:03All in favor, tabling Strip Starf and considering Baumholder.
16:10Yes!
16:11Suck it, Davidson!
16:13Sir!
16:18Well played, Quince.
16:19It's nice to win.
16:20I know, because I always do.
16:22Did you win?
16:23Because it looks like I just got a bigger, better base.
16:26Well, it looks like maybe you owe me one.
16:37You know, it's too bad you're loving retirement.
16:41Because you were great out there today.
16:43It was mostly you.
16:44It was mostly me.
16:45It was mostly you.
16:45But we make a very good team.
16:48We do.
16:51Can I be honest?
16:52Yes.
16:54I'm not that into freedom.
16:55Of retirement.
16:56Right.
16:56I like purpose, structure, a clean chin.
16:59Mm-hmm.
17:00I'm thinking about sticking around.
17:04Sticking around Strip Starf?
17:05I got everything I need here.
17:07It's where I'm happiest.
17:08It's where everyone I care about is.
17:11I'm sorry.
17:12I'm sorry that I ran away and I got scared and...
17:16Look, I was moving way too fast.
17:18I mean, I literally got divorced, retired, and then fell in love in like a month.
17:21I could say I could scare a person, right?
17:26You know, I'm still really...
17:29I'd like to see if this could work.
17:32Yeah, me too.
17:36Great.
17:37Great.
17:37Great.
17:38Great.
17:38Yeah.
17:39We'll just take it slow and start from the beginning.
17:45That's a good idea.
17:47Yeah.
17:48Hey, I'm Abe.
17:50Hi, I'm Maggie.
17:53Can I get you a drink?
17:54Yeah.
17:55Just, uh, surprise me.
18:01Oh, look.
18:02It's our returning bass sexy man.
18:06Hey.
18:08Now I get my war hero kiss?
18:09No.
18:10No.
18:10No.
18:12So, you had your chance to leave the bass and you biffed it.
18:15Well, actually, it's the second time, because last year when I was blackmailing Davidson,
18:20he offered me a transfer and I turned him down.
18:21Why?
18:22Well, because of you.
18:24And it's not what you think.
18:26I felt obligated, because you were such a mess last year at this time.
18:28You were a gigantic mess.
18:30Uh-huh.
18:31You're getting soft.
18:33Hey.
18:34Oh, thank you.
18:34You're welcome.
18:35That's great.
18:35Hey, I think we need to make a toast for our favorite war, Daddy.
18:39Okay.
18:40Yeah.
18:40Here is Tubesdorf.
18:43Tubesdorf!
18:44Wait for me!
18:46Is that Papadakis?
18:47Do I look like a real soldier now?
18:53Oh.
18:54You guys don't like it.
18:56Oh!
18:58What have I done?
19:03Papadakis has been in there for so long.
19:06Do you think he's going to be okay?
19:07I don't know.
19:08The man who cut his hair was a butcher.
19:10Oh, finally.
19:11Oh, Jan.
19:12Did you fix it?
19:14I tried, but honestly, I've never seen anything like that.
19:17The length of the hair just accentuated his obvious lack of jawline.
19:21The layers were just chaotic and cruel, and you could have sent him to the Hague,
19:24because that middle part was a war crime.
19:26Well, you have to do something.
19:27I have to work with him.
19:29Did anybody think about me?
19:30I cannot stare at that monstrosity every single day.
19:34Hey, hey, hey.
19:34I did what I could.
19:36The rest, we must leave up to God.
19:40Yeah.
19:40Did you guys like it?
19:42Oh.
19:43Looks better, though, right?
19:47I'm a monster.
19:49Why did I let the army bully me into short hair?
19:52Yeah, scraps.
19:53Okay, we know.
19:54We all hate it.
19:55We don't know that's for sure what he said.
19:59Well, I heard it that time.
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