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- #halfman
- #s01e01
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A brand new comedy series about a man navigating life’s chaos and unexpected new beginnings! 😂💼
Laugh-out-loud moments and relatable situations start right from the first episode.
👉 Watch now and don’t miss this funny premiere!
#HalfMan #S01E01 #ENGLSUB #FullEpisode
Laugh-out-loud moments and relatable situations start right from the first episode.
👉 Watch now and don’t miss this funny premiere!
#HalfMan #S01E01 #ENGLSUB #FullEpisode
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TVTranscript
00:28Transcribed by ESO, translated by —
00:30I'm not speaking about this.
00:34You don't have to speak.
00:36You have to listen.
00:39Really?
00:42You picked it up?
00:45Motherfucking weird, then.
00:51Come on, Trevon, stop listening.
00:55Put your tongue back on.
01:07Oh, fuck's sake.
01:17Oh, no.
01:24Come here.
01:27Come here.
01:32I am proud of you.
01:34You know that?
01:42You look gorgeous, so you do, huh?
01:44I tell you, if I wasn't family, I'd get up underneath that girl right away.
01:48No, Reuben, don't.
01:50What?
01:51I tell you you look gorgeous.
01:52Come on, show me.
01:52There's nothing to show, Reuben.
01:53I've got boxes on underneath, for Christ's sake.
01:55Boxes?
01:56Stop teasing me, you little mate.
02:00Oh, hey.
02:01Yeah, come here, look at me.
02:03Look at me.
02:05What's that?
02:07Come here.
02:09Hmm?
02:09Hey.
02:11We may not flow through each other's veins, but we flow through each other's brains, you get me?
02:15Please, I don't think that—
02:16One more time, eh?
02:17For all time's sake.
02:19I just need to hear it.
02:22Before I lose your fervor.
02:23Yeah, I'm serious.
02:25Come on, say it.
02:27Well, I'm on.
02:32Your brother from?
02:40Nothing longer.
02:44Beautiful.
02:56No!
02:59No!
03:01No!
03:11Come on, give us your best, you motherfucker!
03:22What is this now?
03:24Oh, fucking Snickers!
03:27Indiana Jones.
03:29That throne is gay as fuck!
03:32I'm gonna have these.
03:33No, please, gosh!
03:34You can keep one, okay?
03:39I'm on one star.
03:41Pick one.
03:45Second to last, good.
04:05Open up.
04:12Okay, degenerate, settle down, settle down.
04:17Right.
04:18As we know, the prelim exams start this week.
04:22Are we aware of how important they are?
04:27Prelims are your safety net.
04:29For whatever reason, you missed your finals.
04:31You get hit by a bus.
04:32You come down with a bubonic plague.
04:34These exams are your get out of jail with an appeals card.
04:38Have I emphasized their importance enough?
04:43Positively spellbinding.
04:46Right, moving on.
04:47I should probably make you aware that a new student will be joining the class from tomorrow.
04:52One Reuben Pallister.
04:54What?
04:57It's from the mark, Kennedy.
04:59No, it's just...
05:01Did you just say...
05:02Reuben Pallister?
05:05That's right.
05:06A new pupil you can show off your sparkling personality to.
05:10Reuben will be transferring from Pullman Young Offenders Institute.
05:13And we'll be re-sitting two years.
05:15Which means they'll be a little more feral than the rest of you.
05:19Any questions?
05:22Nobody. Good.
05:23Open your jars, we'll pick up where we left off yesterday.
05:27Reuben Pallister.
05:30Kennedy.
05:31Did you listen to what I just said?
05:33What? Yeah.
05:35Of course.
05:36What did I just say then?
05:40Reuben's back.
05:43What?
05:52Mom, it's Niall.
05:53Honey, I'm working. What is this?
05:54It's just Reuben. He's out. He's coming to school.
05:56Look, now is not the time, all right?
05:58He's not staying with us, is he?
05:59We can talk about this when I pick you up.
06:00But, Mom...
06:19You should've said about Reuben.
06:21Oh, piss yourself! You're a fifteen-year-old boy.
06:24Given your life, I don't need to give you respect.
06:30Look, I'm sorry, okay? I should've told you.
06:34I'm keeping with the theme of surprises.
06:36He's moved into your room.
06:38What? No way.
06:39What did you think that second bed was for? We were almost begging you to ask.
06:42I thought it was for guests.
06:43He is a guest.
06:44No, he's not.
06:45He's a psycho.
06:46He bit someone's nose off.
06:47I've seen the guy too.
06:48It's horrible.
06:49His wife left him and everything.
06:57Look, you're not to talk about this, okay?
07:00Nobody in this town knows about that.
07:01The last thing that boy needs is folk whispering.
07:03Don't bite people's noses off then.
07:04No, shh.
07:05You're not to speak this one for tomorrow.
07:06Alright?
07:07You always put her first.
07:08She was only supposed to be living with us for six months.
07:10And now her kid is moving in.
07:11Come on, Mom.
07:12He's a psycho.
07:13Her son getting out is a big deal.
07:15He's been away for two years.
07:16For Christ's sake.
07:17This is happening, Niall.
07:19So get used to it.
07:36My house in winter.
07:36Over 37.
07:57I must only dyke here.
07:58This is the house in winter.
07:59I'm sorry.
08:01I'm not even going valeur for three months now.
08:02Here we go!
08:09Remember me, Bambi?
08:11Last time I saw you, you were about yea high.
08:18Grown at least two feet since then.
08:20Maybe one.
08:21You've got the exact same size head, though.
08:24Creeping me out a bit.
08:30You helping or what?
08:32We can't have this shit up.
08:33Not for bringing blood soon.
08:35Yea.
08:39Get to it then, Bambi.
08:40Grab a bag, get stuff in.
08:49Yea.
08:50See that poster done? Put this up.
09:06Put it up on your deck.
09:32What the fuck are you staring at?
09:36What?
09:37What the fuck are you staring at?
09:37What the fuck?
09:40What the fuck are you trying to reduce the overall
10:07We'll pick up from yesterday.
10:16Right, what's going on here?
10:22Kennedy.
10:24Open your jota.
10:27No.
10:28Open, boy.
10:37Who did this?
10:38No, no, come on.
10:42Uh, me, sir.
10:44You?
10:45You called your own mum a dyke?
10:47No, I called someone else's mum a dyke.
10:50Really?
10:51I know firsthand from your essays, your grasp of irony isn't that strong.
10:56So come on.
10:57Who did this?
11:02My mum's not a lesbian.
11:04I beg your pardon?
11:04I said, my mum is not a fucking lesbian.
11:10Now, come with me.
11:12Go off me, you nods.
11:14What did you say?
11:15Like to touch young boys, do you?
11:16You fucking old poof.
11:19I'm just wondering if there's something else we should be worrying about.
11:22What are you insinuating?
11:23All I'm saying is I've seen a change in Niall.
11:25None of the work changes that day.
11:26He's gone from being a committed, gifted student to one that acts out in most lessons.
11:29Sir, go on.
11:30I know you want.
11:31Well, we have to call on to question Niall's rather unusual state of affairs at home.
11:34You don't know anything about my damn home.
11:37I'm just going to touch you.
11:57Oi, Ruth! I know you're up there!
12:00What?
12:01What are these things about?
12:02I am what?
12:03Okay!
12:04Wait!
12:04Wait!
12:05Is that your dad?
12:06Shut the fuck up!
12:08No, we don't consume it!
12:10Fuck!
12:13I'm not a muck!
12:14I'm not these fucking muck!
12:17You dare you!
12:18And explain why you stay with that!
12:20Don't you!
12:22And not me!
12:24You bet!
12:25Son!
12:25Will you start again, eh?
12:27Will you get over on a big hook, eh?
12:32I don't think I can't see you, boy!
12:35I see you made the fucking gun!
12:37We want you more!
12:39Okay, okay, mom.
12:40I'll make it up!
12:41I'll make it up!
12:41I'll make it up!
12:42I don't share!
12:43Fuck you, Dave!
12:47Not a word!
12:48Okay?
12:48Not a fucking word!
12:54Fuck!
12:55I don't think I'm going to shut you, boy!
12:56Fuck!
12:57You don't tell anyone about this!
12:59Do you understand?
12:59This never happened!
13:01Fuck!
13:03Fuck!
13:05Fuck!
13:06Fuck!
13:07Fuck!
13:08Fuck!
13:09Fuck!
13:10Fuck!
13:10Fuck!
13:11Fuck!
13:12Fuck!
13:13Fuck!
13:15Fuck!
13:16Fuck!
13:16I don't know.
14:11I don't know.
14:21So, boys, I am not sure whether you heard all that commotion last night.
14:32Now we were asleep, both of us.
14:38Oh, right.
14:39Well, that's okay then.
14:40Can you come over me?
15:01Fuck you staring at me.
15:03Just seeing if you're all right.
15:05Why wouldn't I be?
15:06It was just last night.
15:07Fuck last night.
15:08Oh, yeah.
15:09Absolutely.
15:11Fuck last night.
15:18Are you nervous, or?
15:19How the fuck would I be nervous?
15:20Well, first day of school.
15:22This is the old Kenny.
15:23This is where the fairies go.
15:24Oi!
15:25Stop cock!
15:26Are you a boyfriend?
15:28I think I know of them.
15:30Are these guys bothering you, Bambi?
15:31No, it's just...
15:32Banter.
15:33Big after you, I'm under here, you little faggot!
15:36Great banter.
15:39Are these guys bothering you, Bambi?
15:43I'll ask you again.
15:45Are these guys bothering you?
15:56What's that knife?
15:56Go to school.
15:57What?
15:57Go to school.
15:58You're not a witness if you don't see what happens.
15:59Like, just fucking go.
16:03Just fucking go.
16:28You're not a witness.
16:29You're not a witness.
16:31You're not a witness.
16:32You're not a witness.
16:32And at the heart of this relentless conflict...
16:34Lies, a love story.
16:38Ah, Mr. Pallister.
16:39Nice of you to fit us into your busy schedule.
16:42Boys and girls, this is Reuben.
16:44Reuben will be joining us from now on.
16:48Where's your school uniform?
16:49On your mother's floor.
16:52That's enough, everyone.
16:53One.
16:55Disc at the back.
16:58And for the record, my mom's dead.
17:00Some extra points for nihilism.
17:07Right.
17:08As I was saying,
17:09two households like families.
17:12Both are better friends.
17:14Close.
17:44You've been working out, Niall?
17:46Certainly has.
17:47There's only an inch of space when I cut my hand around his bicep.
17:49Used to be at least two or three, maybe.
17:52Right, I'm going to my room.
17:52No, don't.
17:55Sit down, you little killjoy.
18:05We need you to persuade Reuben to go to the exam tomorrow.
18:08What? No way.
18:09Niall, please.
18:10Mm-hmm.
18:11Do this for us.
18:12What are you doing?
18:13Um...
18:13Stop now, I'm not a kid.
18:15That's exactly what you are.
18:16Get off me.
18:17Oh, come on.
18:18Just do this for me.
18:19Go on, go on.
18:20Niall, I need you to do this.
18:21Come on.
18:22Please.
18:23Get off me.
18:24Come on.
18:24Just this one thing.
18:25Oh, please.
18:26I said get off me.
18:35I'll take it from you.
18:44Okay.
18:46You're at it.
18:48You're a fairly sizable Miss Fire in our part.
18:52She's making all the effort in the world.
18:54I don't care.
18:55We're not friends.
18:57We never will be.
18:58Come on.
18:59Fancy the pants off of her when you were a wee in.
19:01Remember the love letters we'd send to her house on Valentine's Day?
19:08Fine.
19:09Playtime's over.
19:10I don't care.
19:13Look, will you speak to him at least?
19:15No.
19:16Look, he's terrifying.
19:17Oh, come on, Niall.
19:18You wouldn't believe how hard Mora had to work to get Ruben into Dalkenny.
19:21She changed her postcodes and everything.
19:24He's on probation too, so he needs to show up and pass this prelim where the school will kick him
19:28out.
19:30All right.
19:40Let's see what's going on.
19:43You're walking next to him.
19:45You're walking here.
19:46What's up next?
19:47I wasn't even better.
19:52I was running around.
19:57Oh, come on.
19:58That was fun.
20:02Things got a bit lead to what I never said until my mouth becomes dead, which ain't not all that
20:07clever.
20:11And it's got to say one thing, no not another, rather, rather is it anything I ever take, whatever.
20:20What's this mean?
20:21What, what do you mean?
20:22Am I speaking for him?
20:23That's right, that's right.
20:24You tell anyone about this, I will put you to sleep, do you understand?
20:27I won't.
20:27I mean, I thought it was great.
20:29I thought it was great.
20:31God.
20:52What do you want?
20:55Just a quick something that's come to me.
20:57Just now, in the moment.
21:01I was thinking about the exam tomorrow.
21:03Fuck off.
21:03Right you are.
21:29You're dead.
21:30You're dead.
21:36You're dead.
21:36What about?
21:38How old are you again?
21:43How old are you again?
21:45And he died.
21:48What did he do again?
21:54He was a raider.
21:57Raider?
21:58Can you tell him about that?
22:00Well, he worked in a pub mainly, but he wanted to be a raider.
22:05What did he worry about?
22:09Worked in a pub.
22:17He was really good though. I've read all his stuff.
22:21He was so close to getting published in the end.
22:23What stopped him?
22:25My own.
22:28Death.
22:40That's why I wouldn't give it a shot myself, you know.
22:42You write to him.
22:44I keep a diary.
22:46That doesn't come.
22:47Try saying that to Anne Frank.
22:48Who?
22:50No, she was just...
22:54It doesn't matter.
23:05What happened to Gus?
23:10You survived.
23:14I just thought with the knife you'd done something, you know, really bad.
23:22Almost did.
23:23I'm up against the wall with it, guppying like mad.
23:27I whispered, it'll be over soon.
23:30So he thought for a second I was gonna stick it in him proper.
23:33It'll be over soon.
23:38I love seeing that.
23:41You really get a sense of what cunt looks like when they think they're gonna die.
23:46Sort of infant like...
23:47No one isn't in shes weird.
23:51I'll be over soon.
24:02Night, Bumbers.
24:04Night.
24:06Night.
24:16Oh!
24:17Where's your blog now eh?
24:18Off.
24:19Not gonna tell us where Gus is.
24:20I don't know.
24:21We know you're living down, red prick.
24:22He's bound to see something.
24:23We don't talk.
24:25Oh!
24:39Leave me alone.
25:32Let's smoke this son of a bitch.
25:35Come on, come on.
25:37Pallister, nice of you to join.
25:39Please refrain from shouting out.
25:40It's only prelands.
25:41Where am I sitting?
25:42There's an empty chair there, two rows long.
25:45Please move quietly.
26:25All right, guys.
26:26We have ten minutes left.
26:27Ten minutes?
26:28Get fucked.
26:29Language, Pallister.
26:30I started later than everyone.
26:31Well, I'm afraid the onus is on you there.
26:33Piss off, Jenkins.
26:34Hashtag your mum and her onus.
26:38Pallister, get back here.
26:40Pallister, don't you walk away from me, son.
26:43Oi, I'm speaking to you.
27:12All right, guys.
27:13No, no, no.
27:14No, no, no.
27:53The school fund.
27:54Oh, Jesus. What now?
27:57Ruben passed.
27:59He passed the prelim.
28:01He can stay in school now.
28:04Oh, really?
28:06Yeah.
28:08You helped him, didn't you?
28:11Oh, no, I...
28:12Last night, I heard you talking.
28:18I mean that.
28:22I know we haven't always seen it, I die.
28:25Mainly because you're a little brat who blames me for everything.
28:29I do think you could be a positive influence on my boy.
28:36Thanks.
28:38I think.
28:46Nah, that feels weird.
28:49Let's never do that again.
28:51Let's never do that again.
29:17I've got to keep it down.
29:18I'll be sleeping.
29:29Isn't it a bit weird doing this?
29:30Are we Nile in the room?
29:31Nah, I don't care.
29:32I passed the prelims today and I did it in a speck of the diamond ring of the fuck around.
29:35Stop it, Ruben.
29:36I don't sweat anymore.
29:37I'm going to put my back out.
29:40I don't.
29:41I thought you said you don't care about home healing.
29:42I don't.
29:43I just don't want my mum rubbing one out already.
29:45I don't.
29:46I don't care.
29:50I don't care.
29:51I don't care.
30:09Get here, yeah.
30:28Caught you, Niall Kennedy.
30:29What? No, I was sleeping.
30:31Fuck off.
30:32We saw you.
30:33I wasn't. I was sleeping.
30:34Liar.
30:34At least admit it, you little scrote. You were pervy.
30:37Pervy little Niall Kennedy, eh?
30:40So?
30:41Tell me.
30:43Did you see anything that you liked?
30:50Quite something, huh?
30:52Is this the first time you've seen a naked woman?
30:56In the flesh.
31:00And what do you think?
31:02She...
31:04She...
31:05She looks...
31:06What would you do to her now?
31:07If she could have you away?
31:10Go on.
31:13I'd...
31:14I'd...
31:15I'd ask her for her permission.
31:17Obviously.
31:18Fucking loser, aren't you, Bambi?
31:20Touch my breath, Niall.
31:22What?
31:23What?
31:23Huh?
31:34Here.
31:35Let's see how he's getting on, shall we?
31:37What?
31:38No, no, no, no.
31:38Wait, wait, wait, wait.
31:39No, no, no, no.
31:39That's fine.
31:40Bambi, just relax.
31:42Okay?
31:42Let her do her thing.
31:57Well, nothing.
32:00What's going on?
32:00You got something against Mona?
32:01Is it my boobs?
32:02What?
32:03No, it's just...
32:04This doesn't have a picture of it.
32:05How did you picture it then?
32:06More than one woman.
32:09That's it, isn't it?
32:11Niall here loves group sex.
32:13No, no, I don't.
32:14Oh, little Niall Kennedy loves a bit of group sex.
32:17Well, I could assume different characters if you like.
32:21I could be Candy, blonde bombshell who lives next door.
32:26Or I could be Svetlana, Russian warrior of the North.
32:31Oh, she's incredible, isn't she, now?
32:35There's something to keep her.
32:36Uh-uh.
32:37Svetlana is kept by no one.
32:39How's he getting on now, then?
32:42Come on, son.
32:43I got Phil Marks and my Stantecrates back in the Jane Isle.
32:45I know you'll have a nerd.
32:49Here.
32:50Just focus on how things feel.
32:52Give me your finger.
33:04Oh, hello.
33:05Here we go, my man.
33:08You ready?
33:31That's it, that's it.
33:33Easy, boy.
33:34Easy.
33:35Steady, steady.
33:40Don't call him.
33:44Oh, wow.
33:45He's a grower, young Niall.
33:54Sorry.
33:55Back you go, mister.
33:56No, no, no, wait.
33:56Stop fighting.
33:58Let her do her thing.
34:00Here.
34:01I'll hold her a prayer.
34:01Hold her.
34:02What!?
34:03Uh-uh.
34:06Uh-uh.
34:07Uh-uh.
34:08Uh-uh.
34:09Uh-uh.
34:10Uh-uh.
34:10Uh-uh.
34:11Oh, dear.
34:12Uh-uh.
34:13Hold her.
34:15For them are ever.
34:33Wow, he's really going for a night.
34:58For fuck's sake, did you just call me me?
35:02You fucking did, you mink!
35:04Oh no, for no fear at all.
35:05Now, son, you need to pull out.
35:07For fuck's sake, I better not be pregnant.
35:09I'm sorry, I didn't mean to, it just came out of nowhere.
35:11Relax, son, it's fine.
35:12But I mean, like, what happens now?
35:16Will I get the virus?
35:19What?
35:23Do you mean AIDS?
35:37Lie back, you daft gun.
35:45So, is that it then?
35:49That's it by me.
35:52Oh.
35:57Oh.
35:59Oh.
36:00Oh.
36:01Oh.
36:10I don't know.
36:33I was just thinking, do you have any hash?
36:44We can bake Niall Kennedy.
36:47Dark Horse, my man!
36:54Niall Kennedy, eh?
36:57Sex code, drug fiend.
36:59We don't know.
37:02Yeah, we can go.
37:45Will I get the virus?
37:49Oh, I feel like I did it.
37:52I know what you did.
37:59As in, big girl.
38:02Oh.
38:06I've never seen her look at me like that before.
38:10I've seen her cry loads.
38:15You know, but...
38:20I like this.
38:22It works.
38:29What did you make a Mona then?
38:31Yeah, I liked her.
38:32Yeah, you fucking did.
38:35You can thank me when you're ready.
38:38Someone had to lose your virginity for you, didn't they?
38:42Oh, come on.
38:43You didn't think that was chance, did you?
38:46There's no way a lassie would take time out from sleeping with me to sleep for you.
38:51True.
38:51I set it up.
38:53My way is saying thanks.
39:00So come on.
39:01Tell me you loved it.
39:05Yeah, you did.
39:11I should run a brothel or something.
39:13I'm like the Pied Piper of pussy.
39:18You're dead...
39:21No.
39:41No.
39:45No.
39:45No.
39:46So come on.
39:46No.
39:46No.
39:51The prime paper I'm missing.
39:56I'm imagining these massive vaginas with legs falling around.
40:07Hang up, happy.
40:29Can I say something, do you know, are our mums, you know, fucking...
40:42Yeah, very sorry.
40:47Does it bother you or something?
40:50No, they're not really.
40:54As long as they're happy, I guess.
40:57Although they don't seem all that happy.
41:04There's a lot you don't know about.
41:17Here.
41:20Got you something.
41:27I'm gonna train you.
41:29Just in case something happens to me, I need to know you'll look after yourself.
41:34Why do you care?
41:38We're family now.
41:40It's the most important thing.
41:44My brother from another lover.
41:52Come on, boys!
41:53School!
41:54Then don't spend much time while you're at you.
41:59This is gonna be some morning.
42:01We'll be floating to school after all that.
42:08Hey.
42:11You've got nothing to worry about with our mums.
42:14Ten years time, you'll be at a party somewhere and realise it makes you more interesting.
42:17We're not gonna be doing anything.
42:24We're not going to run much.
42:26We're not going to run much.
42:32We're not going to run much.
43:08You ain't got no call not to think of what I'm falling to thinking I ain't too clever.
43:17And it ain't not having one thing or not another of another is it anything whatever.
43:27And it's not, not knowing that there ain't nothing showing no answer to the name of Trevor, however.
43:38Knocked me down with a feather, clever Trevor.
43:48Why does wonder whether clever Trevor is clever?
43:55No, neither have I not got no right to make a club out of Trevor.
44:31No, neither have I not.
44:31hmm
44:45one more bumbay yeah have a sip
44:58hey easy sip don't chug come on
45:13jesus you're dripping
45:19let's stop us out
45:21just stay here
45:23all right
45:25hey it's gonna be okay
45:28you're gonna be fine
45:31hey
45:31hey it's gonna be alright
45:33don't hey
45:34come on
45:35no please
45:37hey hey sell sell
45:39sell
45:41no no no no sell sell just breathe
45:43hey
45:44hey
45:45it's fine
45:46no it's fine just settle a bit
45:48settle
45:50yeah
45:51follow my breath
45:56follow my breath
45:58follow it
45:59i can't try it yes you can you fucking can
46:01come on come on follow it
46:03no
46:26go
46:30go with it go with it
46:32in and out
46:33i sure
46:33That's it, boy.
46:35Just for you.
46:36Okay, I'm here for you.
46:40Just keep breathing.
46:42That's it.
46:44That's it, boy.
46:47Don't worry.
46:49It'll be over soon.
46:56That's it.
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