- 16 hours ago
The Valley Season 3 Episode 4
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00:15Previously on The Valley.
00:17I miss you.
00:18It would be very appropriate if I could call you my girlfriend.
00:22Let's do it.
00:23Let's do it.
00:25Good.
00:26Yes.
00:26Do you think you're going to have fun tonight?
00:29No, body to brain's not there.
00:31We haven't, like, had time to us without her around.
00:35My fourth trimester ended two days ago.
00:38I'm not just like, date night, give her to a babysitter.
00:42Life is back to normal.
00:44Outside of all this, she would not be hanging out with me.
00:46I'm the fourth fan.
00:48Jasmine, she's like, if this wasn't happening,
00:51things would be very different.
00:53Maybe Lala's like that, like, I don't know.
00:55I heard that Jasmine flip-flops a little.
00:58A little.
00:59Why would somebody have to have your back in a car?
01:01I said, I've met Jasmine.
01:02I love her.
01:03She's always been nice to me.
01:03They were talking about me.
01:05I don't think she talks about you at all.
01:06Bro, this is so close to you.
01:07I brought it up.
01:09Sorry, I'm late.
01:10I talked to Jason.
01:11He'd like to apologize.
01:12I see your friend.
01:15I'm all right.
01:18I'm all right.
01:21I'm all right.
01:22Everything is all right.
01:24Everything is all right.
01:27I'm all right.
01:32You are so sweet.
01:36Oh, I love the way you do it.
01:39I see you.
01:40Pump, pump, pump it up.
01:42Pump, pump, pump it up.
01:44Just trying to get a little.
01:45That's your breakfast, lunch, dinner, and snackies.
01:48You know, you can start selling that stuff.
01:52I absolutely feel like I'm a human milk factory.
01:54I have been either pregnant or breastfeeding or both at the same time for almost five years now.
02:01I am a cow.
02:02My body needs a break.
02:05Speaking of babies, I know you've been stressed.
02:10I have thought about something to help.
02:14My what?
02:15With that bottle feed.
02:17Let me bring it over.
02:20Mr. Melker.
02:22What in the world?
02:23The world's number one male breastfeeding device.
02:27Oh, my gosh.
02:28Nia has, obviously, so much going on.
02:31We got four under four.
02:33She's wearing so many hats.
02:35So, trying to get creative here.
02:36That's a picture of my face.
02:38And I'm trying to relieve her of one of the thousands of things that she is amazingly doing for our
02:45family.
02:46See if it will.
02:47Yeah, my baby.
02:49Oh, it's already coming out.
02:50That means I'm ready.
02:52You gotta make sure you're getting the nip and the...
02:55I can't see out of this.
02:56You gotta look.
02:57I can't.
02:57She's gonna see me.
03:00She wants to be in Mama's boots.
03:03Yeah, she's like...
03:06Hey, stop.
03:08Four under four.
03:10Are you traumatized?
03:12Did you think it was Mommy?
03:13Oh, wait.
03:15Aw.
03:17Addy might be a little traumatized by this whole experience, but, I mean, I am too.
03:22Party was great.
03:23Party was...
03:25Poppin'.
03:29I did see you having, like, some good talks with Luke, but I have no idea what you guys were
03:34talking about.
03:37He apparently had met up with Jason.
03:40Jason said there are some things that he wants to apologize to me about.
03:47Oh, you're taking the baby.
03:50Oh, baby.
03:52Mm-hmm.
03:53Luke said that Jason maybe wants to apologize or does want to apologize.
03:56He said he has some things that he wants to apologize about.
04:00So, they're getting together at some cigar lounge, all the guys, and Jason wants to have a talk with me
04:11there.
04:11Is there a world in which there is a conversation to at least be able to, like, coexist in the
04:17same place without it feeling awkward?
04:19I don't want you to miss out on stuff with our friends because of that.
04:24There's so much damage that has been done by Jason.
04:28He's doubled down and defended his wife on everything.
04:32He then called me a clown.
04:34You are a clown, dude.
04:35You're a total clown.
04:36A douchebag.
04:38Blame everybody for you being a douchebag.
04:40It's just toxic.
04:41Honest answer, I don't know.
04:54Hey, how are you?
04:55How are you?
04:56Good.
04:57How you doing?
04:58What's going on?
05:00Nervous.
05:00Wow.
05:01How about this?
05:02I know. You don't like it, do you?
05:02I've never had it.
05:03Oh, it feels amazing.
05:05Does it?
05:05I got you a beer.
05:06Did you?
05:07I don't know if you're having it.
05:08Is Jesse coming?
05:09Yeah, he's supposed to be.
05:10I mean, this is his.
05:11He set this up.
05:11I know.
05:12He's going to be right there.
05:13Whoa.
05:13And that's for you guys.
05:15Yeah, enjoy, guys.
05:16Cheers.
05:16Cheers, dude.
05:18How are you feeling today?
05:19I mean, dude, fine, but I just, like, I am going to the Belmont.
05:23I was riffing with Michelle and Lala, and we were like, we should have a sickos night.
05:28Oh, hey.
05:29You ever been to the Belmont?
05:30Yes, I have been there.
05:31That's where I met my wife.
05:35I got to get back over there.
05:35I got to get back over there.
05:37That's maybe where you're going to meet your next wife, too.
05:41That's the wife store, dude.
05:42That's where you go.
05:44For Jason and Tom?
05:46Hi.
05:46How are you?
05:47We're ready for you guys.
05:47What's up?
05:50Hey.
05:50Don't work.
05:51Thanks, guys.
05:52Roll up your pant legs just a little.
05:55Oh, okay.
05:56Wait, this is nice sitting in this water right now.
05:58Yeah.
05:59All right, let me get one.
06:00This one?
06:00Mm-hmm.
06:01And straight out to me.
06:03Look who's here.
06:04You didn't bring a bottle of wine?
06:05By the way.
06:06Sorry I'm late.
06:07There's only two texts, so.
06:09Oh, yeah?
06:09Yeah, dude.
06:10Oh, thanks, buddy.
06:11So let me tell you why I was late.
06:13I came from a doctor.
06:15I went to get tested for rabies.
06:18So if I start foaming and biting, I'm patient zero, by the way.
06:22Wait, seriously?
06:23I follow this on your Instagram.
06:24Is this the squirrel?
06:24The squirrel.
06:25So this squirrel's living large with organic raw almonds from Whole Foods.
06:30No lie.
06:31Airwalk.
06:31This is probably the bougiest squirrel I've ever met.
06:35We're just good friends.
06:39I put the almonds down and he came and he, like, hugged my finger with his nails and scratched me
06:44and then went in for the bite.
06:47Hey, I'm sitting there.
06:48So she's on the computer and she turns it to me.
06:50And she goes, so the CDC said that the two animals that there's never been a case of rabies in
06:56the U.S. is possums and squirrels.
06:58And I was like, well, maybe I should have Googled, can you get rabies from a squirrel instead of what
07:03are the symptoms of rabies?
07:05I should hook you up with the doctor.
07:06She was sweet.
07:07Really?
07:08Yeah.
07:10You guys, I'm going, Jesse, this is a little, I'm going singles night.
07:16It's singles night.
07:17With your ex-wife and Lala.
07:19I thought, I thought you and Michelle were starting a little, a little thing together.
07:25Yeah.
07:26Well, you know, I would never disrespect you.
07:27Like, unless it was true love.
07:29Like, if I truly loved her, that would be a different thing.
07:32Like, I would never shoplift the booty.
07:33Jerry Maguire.
07:39I did not say that.
07:41It's a movie reference.
07:42Jerry Maguire.
07:43I worded that so crudely.
07:45Oh, my God.
07:46If anybody's going to do it, like, I'd be happy if it was you.
07:50That's really, that's sweet as hell.
07:52Are you serious?
07:52Yeah.
07:53I've noticed you guys have had a nice, a more copacetic.
07:57Like, we are, like, strictly Isabella now.
08:00And, you know, I don't know what Michelle's out there saying.
08:03Apparently, she was telling Jasmine my friendship with Jasmine and Kristen and everything is a fake friendship.
08:10And I'm a showman.
08:11Well, how are you and Lacey?
08:13Because were you guys, you guys have been together for two years now almost?
08:15A year and a half.
08:16A year and a half.
08:16I will acknowledge that in the beginning of first hearing about Lacey, and then the whole situation where Janet asked
08:22me to block her.
08:23I mean, these are sort of, like, small little petty things.
08:26I mean, I get along with Jason, but I'm still pissed at Janet the way she treated Lacey all last
08:32year.
08:32This girl that is dating Jessie, she constantly threatened me to sue me.
08:37She said something to me at Jackson's bar a live ago.
08:40She was like, I'm going to send all of you guys cease and desist so you don't talk about me.
08:44Yeah, there's some unresolved issues, I think, with Janet and Lacey.
08:49And it's really on them to have a conversation and figure it out.
08:55We're all done.
08:56Thank you so much.
08:57How's your feet?
08:58Nice and soft.
08:59Do you feel pretty?
09:01Yeah.
09:02So what's, like, singles night, like, you're going, like, on a dating thing where you, like, speed date?
09:06Well, no, it's at the Belmont.
09:09Oh, like, actual, the single people going out together.
09:12Yeah, there was thought and tension.
09:14You've been spending enough time with Michelle that you have that much thought together?
09:18No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
09:19If Schwartz and Michelle ended up dating, that is so much fuel for me to use at all times to
09:27make the two of them feel uncomfortable.
09:29I feel like, at this point, I'm pushing them into dating.
09:32Do you have a boyfriend?
09:34Not yet.
09:35Tom Schwartz here is looking for a lady to get a couple dates.
09:37Oh, we were discussing.
09:38I'll be at the Belmont.
09:39Me at the Belmont.
09:40You should go.
09:40I'm going to.
09:41It says it on the wall.
09:42Do not be surprised when I show up.
09:44Bye, guys.
09:45I like it.
09:47Coming up.
09:49We've got four single people here, and the three of us are going to tag team you.
09:54Doesn't that sound fun?
10:07Just asking those questions, because I still have the setting for mine, but I kind of feel like I want
10:12to drop Ocean's birthstone in it.
10:14Oh, that could feel.
10:15Hi.
10:16It's been a while.
10:17How are you?
10:18Good, how are you?
10:19This is my ring.
10:20It's a beautiful ring.
10:22Do you guys want to go upstairs?
10:23Yeah, let's go upstairs.
10:24Yeah.
10:25No champagne today.
10:27Do you want champagne?
10:28No, I'm okay.
10:28Just sparkling water.
10:29Okay.
10:30We're really excited about today.
10:31Can I sit over here?
10:32Yeah, of course.
10:33I want to show you a picture.
10:35I don't know if this is what I want, but I love gold.
10:38Some, like, gold around it to, like, secure it.
10:42Oh, okay.
10:42And then a gold chain.
10:43Last year when I hated him, and I was just, like, barely paying my bills, I'm like, should I sell
10:48it?
10:49But I was so angry that I was like, I don't want to sell it and then regret it a
10:53year later.
10:54Smart.
10:54Good.
10:55I held on to it.
10:56And when I saw that, I was like, wait, that's a great idea.
10:59I can use it.
11:00And if I want to put it back eventually for Isabella, then I'll do that.
11:04I'd say when you convert it to a necklace, you should go set it horizontally.
11:09Okay.
11:10So then it will not remind you of this ring.
11:13Got it.
11:13Would it remind you?
11:14I don't think so.
11:15But when I put it on, because I hadn't seen it for two years.
11:19Yeah.
11:19And I just picked it up at the bank.
11:21And then I put it on and I was like, oh, wait, I forgot.
11:23And I did have, like, a flashback of that day.
11:27Yeah.
11:27Not that I want to get back with him, but I was like, that was a beautiful time in my
11:30life.
11:30Oh, the proposal was so amazing.
11:34He took me on a birthday trip to Paris and he surprised me.
11:39I had no idea.
11:40So I'm going to go down and get some change options.
11:43Okay.
11:44He hired a secret photographer that was, like, hiding in the back.
11:47And he had, like, the most amazing speech.
11:50And, of course, I said yes.
11:51And it was just such a beautiful trip.
11:54I truly hate, you know, I hated him last year.
11:57And I'm, like, barely recovering from all the trauma that he did to me.
12:02But once my mom passed, I just kind of let go of it all.
12:06Yeah.
12:06Things were more important.
12:07He was mad.
12:08That's why he did all that stuff to me.
12:10But we did have, like, a very beautiful time for a long time.
12:14I know.
12:14It's sad and it's weird.
12:15Mm-hmm.
12:16How you could, like, at some point hate the person that you used to love so madly
12:20that you, like, made a child with them.
12:22Yeah.
12:22I just want to be divorced by this year.
12:24That is my goal.
12:26Yeah.
12:27Yeah.
12:41I'm hungry.
12:42I know.
12:44This is so cute.
12:45Are you here?
12:46Thank you so much.
12:47Thank you so much.
12:49Can we order drinks?
12:51Yes.
12:51Can I do an extra dirty Tito's martini?
12:54Absolutely.
12:55Can I just have Arnold Palmer?
12:56Arnold Palmer?
12:57With some, like, blend on the side?
12:58Yes.
13:00Um, can I just do a glass of Cabernet?
13:02Yes.
13:02Absolutely.
13:03What?
13:03What's everyone thinking for their mains?
13:05Filet.
13:06What about you?
13:07I'm gonna use salad.
13:08Yep.
13:10I might do, like, a pasta maybe.
13:16What can I do to cheer you up?
13:18I'll be all right.
13:18Okay.
13:20Well, you look beautiful.
13:21Thanks.
13:22You do.
13:23I like the black dress.
13:24Yeah.
13:25And she's only three months out, so.
13:27Yeah, Kristen.
13:28It's three months.
13:29It doesn't change, like, how we feel.
13:31Of course.
13:31No.
13:34Oh, don't cry.
13:35I need to go to the bathroom really fast.
13:36Oh, don't cry.
13:37I'll be okay.
13:38It's okay.
13:38I'm fine.
13:39You sure you don't want to swim with you?
13:40Yeah.
13:40Okay.
13:42I know that I created this gorgeous, amazing human being
13:45with a beating heart and a beautiful brain,
13:48but I just feel like I'm this weird new Kristen
13:53in someone else's body.
13:55Sad.
13:56Yeah, no.
13:57I feel bad.
13:58I know.
13:59Hey, boo.
14:00You got a martini coming.
14:02You look amazing.
14:03Yeah.
14:05I love you, too.
14:06Love you, too.
14:08So you let me know?
14:10Thank you so much.
14:11Do you think hanging out with us and hanging out with,
14:13like, your girls makes you feel a little bit more,
14:16like, comfortable being out in public?
14:18No, I mean, I literally texted Luke when I got here
14:20and said I'm not leaving the house ever again.
14:25Don't cry.
14:26Sorry.
14:26I know.
14:26I know.
14:27I know.
14:27I don't want you to get sad.
14:28I just want you to know we're here for you.
14:30And if you ever, like, if this is what you need,
14:32girls night or dinner to get out to this,
14:35feel a little bit better about yourself, we're here.
14:37Yeah.
14:38That's it.
14:38Exactly.
14:42Wait, real quick.
14:43What about you and Lala?
14:44So you, I don't know if you know this.
14:45Oh, I do know because Brandon's the one who told her.
14:48I know they were talking about in the car.
14:49Mm-hmm.
14:50Lala was like, well, what's the issue?
14:52Like, what's the problem?
14:52So Lala.
14:53Issue with her?
14:54Do you hear what you said?
14:55She was talking about you.
14:55No, that's why I said it's not like she was talking .
14:57It was just weird.
14:59Like, I was like, Brandon, it shouldn't have been you
15:00being the gossiper.
15:02No, and then he was, like, apologizing to me, like,
15:03oh, my God, I'm embarrassed now.
15:04I feel like I started drama.
15:06Do you think Brandon is, like, a messy person?
15:07Is he trying to be messy?
15:08No, he's not.
15:09No.
15:10He asked me to be his girlfriend.
15:14Wait, what?
15:14No, you didn't tell me.
15:16Oh, my God.
15:17He did it at dinner the night before Nia's party.
15:20He said, no, we need a couple more.
15:22No, I was just like, yes.
15:24No, Brittany.
15:26This guy's messy as hell.
15:27He lives four or five hours away.
15:29He's got two or three baby mamas.
15:31Oh, God.
15:32It's too much, and I think Brittany is not seeing it that way.
15:35Pop the puss, but let's not pop labels.
15:38We're both fun.
15:40Just be happy for me.
15:54Good evening.
15:55How you doing, sir?
15:55Good, I'm Luke.
15:56Greg, nice to meet you, Luke.
15:57Welcome.
15:58Am I in the right place?
15:59Hello.
16:00I made it.
16:00Wait.
16:02What's up, guys?
16:03What's up, man?
16:06Dude, dude, we all got here like the same time.
16:08What's up, man?
16:09You a cigar smoker?
16:10I'm like a reverse Bill Clinton.
16:11Like, I have the trouble not inhaling.
16:13What is that?
16:14A reverse Bill Clinton?
16:14Oh, whoa, actually, yeah.
16:15That could be too.
16:16That could be both the whole thing.
16:17Did you bring your knee pads?
16:18Is that what you're saying?
16:19Okay, okay.
16:20Yeah, no, I'm not the one blowing presidents.
16:22That's not what I meant by reverse Bill Clinton.
16:26Wait, is Danny coming?
16:28I talked to him yesterday.
16:29I really think he will show up, but I'm not certain.
16:36What's up, fellas?
16:39Speak of the devil!
16:41Hey, how we doing?
16:44What's going on, man?
16:45How you doing?
16:45Good, good.
16:46Let's see what Janet has to say.
16:48I mean, Jason.
16:49Sorry.
16:51Let's do our thing.
16:58This is nice out here.
16:59This is beauty.
17:01Hey, whoa.
17:04That's nice.
17:05A little Highland Scotchy?
17:07This is like the adult version of Oreos and Milk.
17:09Are you partaking in a little whiskey tonight?
17:14Uh, no.
17:15I'll just have the Pellegrino.
17:17Cheers, cheers, cheers, cheers, cheers.
17:19Cheers, guys.
17:20I'd have some scotch, but I don't want to be labeled by anybody on the table here.
17:27I'm coming here with flowers tonight, essentially.
17:31There are things that I would like to apologize to you for.
17:34I definitely have a lot of regrets about the way that I handled myself emotionally.
17:38I got, you know, for lack of a better word, triggered.
17:41Where did that come from?
17:43I mean, I'm very protective over my wife.
17:45There was zero organized, systematic thing to take you down.
17:49Never happened.
17:49I'm not here to be friends with you, to be honest.
17:52I'm in the same boat, to be honest with you.
17:54Oh, great, great.
17:55Especially hearing this perspective right now.
17:59What is happening here?
18:01This night is supposed to be about us coming back together, forgiving each other,
18:05but they're on two separate pages.
18:08Danny is still so hurt, I don't know if he's even ready to accept an apology.
18:11The biggest apology that has to happen is the terminology used on the boat in Maui.
18:15You were attacking Danny and Mia, and I told you that in person.
18:18I said out loud, yes, that he sexually assaulted Jasmine and Michelle.
18:22Like, that is something that hasn't been, not only has not been apologized for,
18:25it has been backed up.
18:41Yeah.
18:45And so, that is something that needs to be stated.
18:47I will talk about that right now.
18:49So, as you said, afterward I did tell Janet.
18:51I'm like, Janet, like, I really wish you didn't use that kind of word.
18:53She feels the same way about that.
18:57The damage was so massive.
19:00It's major.
19:01Inexcusable.
19:02And inexcusable and so major.
19:05And these bridges are burned and he's rolling his eyes.
19:07I'm rolling my eyes a little bit of the excusability.
19:11I did nothing to them.
19:13They took someone else's situation, weaponized it,
19:17that they had nothing to do with,
19:19and just bulldozed it over and over and over.
19:23Here's the thing.
19:24If you get drunk and do something weird and terrible,
19:27it's not just affecting the person that you directly do it to.
19:30It's going to make other women in the group feel weird, dude.
19:33So, like, yeah, my wife felt weird around you.
19:35What did I do to your wife?
19:36What did you do to my wife?
19:37Well, you made her feel weird in the pantry.
19:39Oh, my gosh.
19:41I got home and I walked into the pantry to make an easy Mac-off.
19:45Danny came in and shut the door behind.
19:47Need a snack.
19:50And guess what?
19:52I apologize for that.
19:57I love you.
19:58I think we all have a great time together.
20:00We can have a great time together.
20:02And if a couple people are very much at odds,
20:05like, you know what?
20:07Can we tolerate each other?
20:13We'll get there.
20:15Time will tell, I guess.
20:17Time heals all wounds.
20:27I think we found our bed frame, babe.
20:29Oh, it hides it.
20:31So, when your parents come over.
20:32No.
20:33They named it after me.
20:34Both ways, Ben.
20:35Both ways, Ben.
20:36Wait, so can it go in the back, too?
20:38It's a lot of, like, dust.
20:40I guess they haven't sold many of Ben.
20:41Aw.
20:42I don't see a Zach around.
20:43Yeah, because he's sold out.
20:46Sunset on the beach, feel the heat, yeah.
20:48Little streets follow me through the breeze, yeah.
20:50I've been so in between negative energy,
20:52listening to the beat, give me like this.
20:53Yeah, you blow a kiss to your mommy.
20:55Yeah.
20:55Yeah.
20:56Clap.
20:57Clap.
20:58Yay, that's so good.
21:00So big.
21:08Hey, buddy.
21:09What up?
21:10Made it.
21:10There he is.
21:11There he is.
21:12Hell yeah.
21:12How's it going, man?
21:13Good.
21:13Good, good.
21:15Dude, does the garage look better yet?
21:16It's looking a lot better.
21:17Coming along.
21:18Oh, and Kristen thought we should just hide everything
21:21and make it not look like a garage.
21:23So she bought these curtains to, like,
21:25Oh, my goodness.
21:26To hide everything.
21:27Sounds about right.
21:28Yeah.
21:28I mean, yeah.
21:30It's a cigar night.
21:32I know, yeah, I just want to dive into it
21:35because I don't like there ever being anything,
21:37like, between us.
21:39You know, I love you.
21:39And as far as me playing more moderator
21:42than being on your side, I won't do that again.
21:46I have loyalty to you.
21:47I know you do.
21:49Even coming into it, I was a second away from not coming.
21:52When I get hurt, like, I really get hurt.
21:54The ship's sailed.
21:56I don't need this in my life.
22:00Anyway, so how is it going with Kristen?
22:04Saturday, Jeff and I went to Taco Bell.
22:05Kristen texted me, said, you know,
22:07stay out as late as you want.
22:08I just want you to come to bed
22:10and be able to help me in the morning.
22:12Mm-hmm.
22:12I've up and falling asleep on the couch.
22:15It is something that happens more often than it should.
22:18Right.
22:18There are a lot of times I feel isolated.
22:19I don't really get to fish at all anymore.
22:21Right.
22:22And a couple times I have,
22:23I'd come back and be guilted,
22:25like I am a bad father
22:28or that I'm not there for her
22:30because I took time for myself.
22:32Right.
22:32It makes me feel worse than if I had gone and done it.
22:34Well, I can tell you this.
22:36You're not the only one going through this.
22:38Nia knows that I need to get up,
22:42get a workout in
22:43just to get in the right head space
22:45because if I don't do that,
22:46I'm more irritable.
22:47My fuse is shorter.
22:49And guess what?
22:50When we are in a place
22:51that hasn't been great for a while,
22:55we go to therapy.
22:57Yeah, that's the direction it needs to go.
22:59I don't feel like Kristen appreciates
23:02the sacrifices I made
23:04to change my entire life
23:06to be out here with her,
23:08start a family.
23:09I mean, if she respected me,
23:10she would not make me feel like
23:12for doing things that I need to stay me.
23:15It's like trying to hold on to who I am
23:17is getting pretty effing hard.
23:25I've been looking for you
23:27my whole life.
23:29Oh, babe, I want to romance you.
23:33Oh, babe, I want to...
23:36Hey.
23:37Oh, what the heck?
23:38I can't see.
23:39You look so good.
23:40I actually did it myself for once.
23:42I could Gucci all my vacations.
23:44I'm ready.
23:44By the way,
23:45you're going to love
23:46my best friend, Natalie.
23:47I happen to show her a pic
23:49because she's like,
23:49who are we meeting?
23:50And then I showed her your Instagram.
23:52She's like, wait, he's cute.
23:53She said I'm cute?
23:54Yeah.
23:57Hi.
23:58You look gorgeous.
23:59Hi.
23:59You look so gorgeous.
24:01Hi.
24:02Yay.
24:03I'm so happy you're here.
24:06The grades are beautiful.
24:08And I do...
24:08Lala.
24:09You have a good name.
24:10This is Natalie.
24:11Nice to meet you.
24:12Nice to meet you.
24:13I've heard so many good things.
24:15I know.
24:15Natalie is one of my best friends
24:17we met years ago
24:19when the kids were two.
24:21We actually left our husbands
24:23around the very same time
24:25and then now we're single.
24:27It's Tom.
24:27Natalie.
24:29Natalie and I have been single for a bit
24:32that I'm actually really excited
24:33because I want her to hook up with Tom.
24:37We've got four single people here
24:39and the three of us
24:40are going to tag team you.
24:41Doesn't that sound fun?
24:43Yeah.
24:43Are you ready?
24:45Yeah, I worked out this morning.
24:47You want to sit here?
24:48Oh, it doesn't matter.
24:49I'll sit here.
24:51Wait, do you have a dating app?
24:52No.
24:53I had Bumble in 2015.
24:55I had just moved to L.A.
24:56and apparently,
24:58right before I met Jesse,
24:59I swiped left,
25:01like, no,
25:01and he swiped me.
25:03How did you meet Jesse?
25:05We met at the office.
25:06Oh, that's right.
25:07Most of the pictures,
25:08you're like, douche.
25:09Absolutely not.
25:10No.
25:10Yeah.
25:10He was one of the douches.
25:11I should have known.
25:13I just remember him having,
25:15like, a real estate photo
25:17and it just looked douchey.
25:21Have you been on a dating app?
25:22No.
25:23No.
25:23But I'm really fond
25:24of sliding in a DM.
25:26Whose DMs are we sliding into?
25:27I am not Sheena Shea.
25:29I am not giving you
25:29my laundry list
25:30of men who I have
25:32slid in their DMs.
25:33It's not happening.
25:34Wait, what do you say?
25:35Why do I say I say nothing?
25:38I sent a chef's kiss emoji hand.
25:41What does that mean?
25:41Like, I want to?
25:42And every person has responded.
25:44So now, just it.
25:45Hello.
25:46I don't want to try that.
25:47You look good.
25:49You don't.
25:50I like a you, dude.
25:51You like a me.
25:52I'm going to do this forever now.
25:55That's so funny.
25:56Nellie?
25:58She's, like, she's,
26:00like, I see it.
26:02I like your voice, by the way.
26:03Stop it.
26:04I'm serious.
26:05I should do voiceover work.
26:07I'm starting.
26:09You should do voiceover work?
26:10Help me.
26:12Help you.
26:14He gets trashed.
26:16I know, he gets super shy.
26:17Are you going to smoke that cigarette?
26:19I'll smoke it with you.
26:20I know, we're going to get in trouble.
26:21We're going to smoke a cigarette.
26:22Yeah.
26:24I think that's, like, very cute.
26:27I was kind of for a moment being, like,
26:29I feel Michelle and Schwartzy would be, like,
26:32No.
26:33I see him as a kid.
26:34I love Tom's energy,
26:37and he's, like, funny,
26:39but, like, he's the opposite
26:41of what I'm looking for.
26:42He's so innocent.
26:43I know.
26:44It's so strange.
26:45Yeah.
26:46Like, I thought I was innocent,
26:47and then I hear him talk,
26:48and I'm like, oh, no, you don't know.
26:49I want somebody older,
26:52more mature,
26:53somebody more just, like,
26:54well-rounded in general.
26:56Why are you laughing?
26:57I'm laughing because these days,
26:59I guess it's hard to find somebody like that.
27:02You sound like an oracle.
27:03That's sweet.
27:05It sounds like a pickup line,
27:06but it's not.
27:07It is a pickup line.
27:09This makes sense to me.
27:10I know.
27:11Now we just need to figure it out for ourselves.
27:14Yesterday's history.
27:15Tomorrow's a mystery.
27:17Today is a present.
27:19That's why they call it a gift.
27:21Wait.
27:21I think you have ADHD.
27:23I don't.
27:25Undiagnosed?
27:26Undiagnosed, for sure.
27:27Wait, you're so funny.
27:27I totally think you're you.
27:29Really?
27:29Yeah.
27:30I like Natalie for Schwartz.
27:32I feel like she could fulfill a need
27:34as far as, like, him being talkative,
27:36but then also, like, break his dick in her.
27:41We're killer fingers.
27:42I know.
27:44Oh, my God.
27:46I love...
27:47Oh, my God.
27:48Wait, you're joking.
27:51Oh, my God.
27:52It's from the nail salon.
27:55Do not be surprised when I show up.
27:59First of all, where'd you get your lollipop?
28:01Do I get a lollipop?
28:02I mean, I think I have one more.
28:03Who is this girl?
28:05You're up the vibe.
28:06Where'd she even come from?
28:07It's like someone dropped her into the bar.
28:09Will you put it in my mouth?
28:11I'm a little...
28:11I have my hands full.
28:13Hey.
28:14I'm blessing.
28:15Me too.
28:16What's the flavor?
28:19Don't feel the vibe, girlfriend.
28:21Keep walking.
28:21Save your half, Cody.
28:23Good job.
28:25Immediately.
28:38Will you put it in my mouth?
28:39I'm a little...
28:40I have my hands full.
28:42Hey.
28:43I'm blessing.
28:44Me too.
28:48Don't feel the vibe, girlfriend.
28:50Keep walking.
28:50Take your half pony and skedaddle.
28:54Immediately.
28:54Immediately.
28:56What a cock block this girl is.
28:59And she has shih tzu hair.
29:01I know about the shih tzu hair.
29:03I've been there.
29:04Lala needs to take her drunk, skank-ass, shih tzu-looking hair home.
29:10He loves a little weirdo, though, doesn't he?
29:12Hi.
29:13Hi.
29:13So we met earlier.
29:15Summer.
29:15How do you guys know each other?
29:17Oh, so...
29:18Oh, well...
29:19I was with your ex-husband.
29:21We got mani-pedis.
29:23Yeah.
29:23I work at the...
29:24Oh, you work at the nail...
29:26She was the most...
29:26I work at the barbershop.
29:27You were getting what with Jesse?
29:29Oh, a mani-pedi.
29:30You were getting a mani-pedi with Jesse?
29:32I do love a man that gets a mani-pedi, I'm not gonna lie.
29:37Right?
29:38Yeah.
29:38Right?
29:39So, buddy.
29:40I thought I was doing okay with Natalie, but now that Summer's here, I don't have the skill
29:46set to navigate this.
29:48I know I've been slutty in my past, but I don't really have a lot of game.
29:55Play Nashmaker for me.
29:56I already told you.
29:57Do you know?
29:58We found the match!
30:00Show me a bone!
30:01We found the match!
30:03I lost.
30:04Gross.
30:06Do you want another drink?
30:07I'll get you one.
30:08Yes, please.
30:09Put it on my towel.
30:10Schwartz.
30:11Schwartz!
30:11So I feel like I know it.
30:13Schwartz has a towel.
30:15What's going on?
30:16Oh, my God.
30:16He's the dog.
30:17No, wait.
30:18You guys are flirty.
30:19Really?
30:21Yeah.
30:22Do you not feel that vibe?
30:24I like this.
30:25Oh, yeah.
30:25Don't play a lot for me.
30:27I don't know.
30:27I'm just saying if you want to, like, if you want to, like, kiss somebody, why not?
30:31I want to kiss somebody?
30:33If he kissed you.
30:34You wouldn't be opposed to it.
30:37No, but if he's a good kisser.
30:40Okay, well, we're not going to know that until you kiss him.
30:42And then you can let me know.
30:45Just because I wouldn't date Tom doesn't mean I wouldn't kiss him.
30:48I mean, look at him.
30:49He's adorable.
30:50He's like a little cute puppy.
30:53By the way, my girlfriend doesn't kiss anybody.
30:57And she's like, I'm so down if he does it.
31:00No.
31:01Because she's like, she said something that you were, like, laughing out loud and she was making
31:04a movie reference.
31:05Can you inspire me?
31:07Yeah.
31:07You kiss her tonight, I will kiss somebody else another night.
31:11I swear to God.
31:12I can't, though.
31:13Oh, my God.
31:13I can't do it.
31:14I'm such a pussy.
31:15I'm such a pussy.
31:16You're going to enjoy it.
31:18Look at her.
31:19I'm so mad at you right now.
31:20You are lame.
31:22I thought I was lame.
31:23I'm not lame.
31:25I'm going to give you a s***.
31:27All right.
31:28Hey, do you want to have a cigarette?
31:30I'm coming out with you.
31:31Let's go.
31:32Yeah, let's go.
31:34Tom, Tom.
31:36I call Schwartz the basset hound because he's very, like, I've had sex the last, like,
31:42two, three hours.
31:43It's, that's not fun.
31:45No one wants that.
31:47Someone better get laid in this group tonight.
31:49I don't think any of us.
31:50It's not going to be me.
31:51I just didn't know that I would have to try to get a man to kiss her.
32:00A 10.
32:01Yeah.
32:02A full 10.
32:04The ass weeks are at 12.
32:05If Schwartz isn't going to take Natalie home, then, like, maybe I should.
32:09Like, I would introduce her to my mom.
32:11This is someone that I would have a baby with.
32:14We have a ball in West Hollywood.
32:15Do you?
32:16We're supposed to go there afterwards, but I'm too tired.
32:18Stop.
32:19Don't be tired from me.
32:20Let's just go.
32:20Go enjoy her in front of you.
32:24Right.
32:24And she's down.
32:25Kiss the girl.
32:27Oh, my gosh.
32:28Uh, Little Mermaid.
32:30Yo.
32:31This girl from the nail salon is still here.
32:34Like, she and her hair are here to stay, and she is ignoring all the signs of, please get the
32:39f*** up out of here.
32:40Like, think about it like that.
32:40Once you said in the middle, it's like, I met my wife here.
32:42I fell in love right here.
32:44Like, literally the second love of my life, right here.
32:49Wow, that's in the past.
32:50I know.
32:50What is going on with her?
32:52It's, like, very frustrating.
32:54Don't even try.
32:55Don't even try.
32:56Because I'm an alien.
32:57Outwardly and vocally to my friends, I'm like, I want a date.
33:00Hook me up.
33:00Like, quietly inside.
33:02There's this girl that I've been crushing on.
33:04I'm starting to get that warm, fuzzy feeling again.
33:07But, um, I don't know if I can say that out loud.
33:11Because I don't want to jinx it.
33:13But we tried our best.
33:15I know what it is.
33:16He doesn't know what to do with all that ass.
33:18That's what it is.
33:19He's intimidated.
33:24Coming up.
33:25I feel like you don't respect me or care how I feel.
33:27You either shut down and say, I'm so tired, I'm going to go to bed.
33:30You know what, because I don't you?
33:43We say goodnight, Kaya.
33:45It's time for bed.
33:47Come here, my dear.
33:49Goodnight, Chinna.
33:49Goodnight, head.
33:51Oh, hello.
33:51Hello.
33:54Are you going to be fussy for the boys?
33:56Y'all ready for your date night?
33:58Oh, man.
33:58Date night.
33:59Date night.
34:00Where y'all going?
34:01What's going on?
34:02Just down the street.
34:03We can be back in, like, one minute if there's an emergency.
34:06I'll keep my phone on ring.
34:07Look, I'm turning on ring right now.
34:09I trust you.
34:09I'm sure you're going to check your camera every two seconds.
34:13It's a bit easier.
34:14Baby.
34:16No.
34:17No.
34:18Good Jill.
34:18Hey, guys.
34:22How's baby?
34:23She's fussy, but she's good.
34:24Do you need to poop?
34:26Do you know how to clean a baby vagina?
34:29She's going to teach me.
34:30You have to get in all the creases.
34:33Like, the leg ones, the vagine one, the bee one.
34:36It's a cleaner butthole like you would clean your own before a date.
34:41Tom and Zach gave Luke and I a little gift certificate when we gave birth that said we get to
34:47have four hours of free babysitting.
34:50Hey, listen, front to back, that's all you gotta know.
34:53Very true.
34:54I think it's the most adorable thing, but am I taking it seriously?
34:57Absolutely not.
34:58I think in theory we both know a lot, but we've never put our knowledge into action.
35:02So Brittany's going to actually babysit Kaya and babysit Tom and Zach while they fake babysit my baby.
35:09You guys, go.
35:10Where's our kids?
35:10Yes, we're fine.
35:12We got her.
35:12Call us if you need anything.
35:14She's okay.
35:15We got her.
35:16Bye, guys.
35:16Love you.
35:26What I'm learning is that motherhood is full of ups and downs.
35:30I do have good days and I do have bad days.
35:32And I do know that going out on the state night is very important to Luke.
35:36I don't want to be a recluse forever.
35:39I want to be a mariposa.
35:41I'm like all the beautiful butterflies.
35:43I am a butterfly.
35:46Soy una mariposa.
35:47Help.
35:47Yes.
35:48Soy una mariposa.
35:53Can we spy on them?
35:54We sure can.
35:55I'll pull it up.
35:57I would like confidence.
36:00Astera buljica.
36:02I was like, Astoria.
36:04You're like, what?
36:05My pink Yadi.
36:07She's asleep.
36:08Look.
36:09Oh, my.
36:09Don't make me cover that.
36:11She's asleep.
36:11She'd probably end that friendship so fast if I did.
36:13If you cover that up, Zach, you're fired.
36:17Perfect.
36:21She's just so good and cute.
36:23I'm like, if I could choose a well-behaved child, that would make it so much easier.
36:30Are you a well-behaved child?
36:31No, I was feral.
36:33I had colic for like five months and my mom was like, we almost threw you away.
36:37I'll believe that.
36:40Hi.
36:41I'm the baby whisperer.
36:43Hi, cutie.
36:46Uh-oh.
36:47Oh.
36:47What's up?
36:48You going to the side?
36:49You're going to the side of the food?
36:50I think she wants some milk.
36:53Oh, my God.
36:54Hold on.
36:55I'm a little...
36:56It's okay.
37:00Is that how you pet babies?
37:01I don't think she wants it.
37:03I'll always say.
37:04Abort.
37:05Abort.
37:06I don't think you should say that word around a baby.
37:09It's okay.
37:10Yay.
37:11Whoa.
37:13That was intense.
37:17Pizza and darts.
37:18Is this your dream?
37:19Better than like a fancy dinner.
37:21I don't want to get dressed up.
37:22I don't want to get dressed at all.
37:23I know.
37:24Well, you want enough clothes on to keep me from jumping yet, but...
37:28I want enough clothes on to not feel fat, and I don't want to put an outfit on.
37:33I just want to be comfortable.
37:36Luke, I want to have fun with you.
37:39I'm just like...
37:39I want to have fun with you too.
37:40Ugh.
37:41What?
37:42I'm mad at you.
37:45I feel like you're mad at me a lot.
37:47I get frustrated.
37:49You make promises.
37:51What?
37:51It always revolves in going out or like coming home late.
37:56Luke went out on Saturday night with the guys.
37:58I told him, you know what?
38:00Tonight, the baby's sleeping.
38:01You can stay out as late as you want.
38:03But it was so simple.
38:04Please don't sleep on the couch.
38:07And please help me with the baby in the morning.
38:09That's all I asked.
38:10But he came home and did sleep on the couch.
38:13He was drunk and did not help me with the baby in the morning.
38:16And I haven't brought it up until now because we've been at home with Kaya and I don't want
38:21to argue in front of Kaya.
38:23I just don't feel like you actually give a f*** how I feel or like respect me sometimes.
38:27I feel the same way.
38:30I feel like you don't respect me or care how I feel.
38:33Last time I asked you to show me a little empathy about something, you said, oh, your life is so
38:38hard, Luke, and went in super hard on me.
38:41Let's talk about it.
38:57I just don't feel like you actually give a f*** how I feel or like respect me sometimes.
39:01I feel the same way.
39:04I feel like you don't respect me or care how I feel.
39:07Let's talk about it.
39:09I try to talk to you and you either shut down and say, I can't talk about this right now.
39:13I'm so tired.
39:14I'm going to go to bed.
39:15You know what?
39:15Because I don't f*** you?
39:16No, I didn't.
39:17Why are you even bringing that up?
39:19What, one night I went out and wasn't like super capable in the morning?
39:23Okay.
39:24All I want you to know is I'm actually having trouble being a first-time dad, too.
39:29You're a first-time mom.
39:30I know that.
39:30No, Tristan, I've tried to talk to you numerous times.
39:33I'm not allowed to have a hard time.
39:34It's not allowed to be hard for both of us.
39:35It's only allowed to be hard for you.
39:39Everything that was confident and safe about how I could feel is out the window.
39:46And it's like, you want to trump me with I don't know what it's like to be a first-time
39:50dad?
39:51Give me a f***ing break.
39:53Don't try to, like, one-up you right now.
39:55You never under- you have empathy for people other than me.
40:00I feel like any time I misstep, I have to walk on eggshells most of the time.
40:03This is not where I want to be.
40:05You know that.
40:06I'm 2,000 miles and three time zones away from my family, and I've never felt more isolated
40:12and lonely than times in L.A. while she was pregnant.
40:16I'm not trying to draw the comparison game.
40:17It's been harder for you, but I'm saying it-
40:20It's not harder.
40:21It's different, hard.
40:22It is.
40:23I know she loves me.
40:24I know- I know she does.
40:25It's just, at times, it doesn't feel that way.
40:28And then the last year has been pretty difficult.
40:32But it's not allowed to be difficult for me.
40:34You complained about my pregnancy the whole entire time, and I tried to-
40:38I complained the whole entire time.
40:41Luke, I thought you were going to leave me.
40:43Why are you coming for me?
40:43I thought you were going to leave me.
40:45Really?
40:46You really thought I was going to leave you?
40:47During the first trimester?
40:49Okay.
40:50Let's both agree that that was not the real you.
40:54There was one specific day, things weren't really working out.
40:58All these, like, mini moments were making me have total meltdowns.
41:02Luke then said, I can't do this anymore.
41:06So my brain immediately jumped to, like, you can't do this with me.
41:11You can't do this life with me.
41:12You can't have this baby with me.
41:14You don't want to be the dad.
41:15You don't want to be my fiance.
41:16And say, holy shit, my world's falling apart.
41:18And you've even said, like, you're so grateful that I stuck with it.
41:21And I did.
41:22It wasn't easy for me.
41:23And I didn't have someone to hear me out.
41:25It's that crazy.
41:25The whole pregnancy, then it's postpartum, and then it's LA.
41:28I'm doing the best I can.
41:35I love you, and I'm not leaving you.
41:37I never am.
41:38And I hate that you said you thought I was going to leave you.
41:43I want to do couples counseling because I feel like with a third party, we can have more productive conversations.
41:49I agree.
41:50Okay.
41:52I love you.
41:53I really do.
41:58I love you.
42:07I really do.
42:10I guess the game's over.
42:11All right.
42:22Next time on The Valley.
42:24Have you done a Brazilian before?
42:26Hello.
42:27Oh, my God.
42:29Why?
42:30Full flaps.
42:31Flapjacks.
42:32All in my face.
42:33I think I saw your uterus.
42:37Who's got a kiss?
42:38Schwartz and Michelle.
42:39You guys can.
42:41There's no divorce updates.
42:43Hold on.
42:43You're not officially divorced yet?
42:45We're going on two years.
42:46There seems to be a hive mentality.
42:48I'm afraid I'm going to lose you guys over this.
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