- 6 minutes ago
Ghosts Season 5 Episode 17
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00:02Look, I wish I could help you, but that money was seized as part of an investigation into the illegal
00:09poker game at your residence.
00:11So you could just keep it?
00:12It's called civil forfeiture.
00:14And there's no way we can get it back.
00:16I mean, there's a slim chance, but it's a lengthy process.
00:20Hey, Chief, where do you want this new espresso machine?
00:23The break room's fine.
00:24Oh, is that a Piaget? I tried to get one of those for the restaurant. Those things are like $10
00:29,000.
00:29Oh, uh, we got a good deal.
00:31Sorry to interrupt, Chief, but for the Humvee, do we want to go with the upgraded Napa leather with the
00:35contrast stitching?
00:36That doesn't come with the premium package?
00:38It's separate.
00:39Sure, why not?
00:41Well, that all sounds pretty expensive.
00:44Ma'am, you can't put a price on public safety.
00:47We're never getting our money back, are we?
00:49No, you are not, but I can offer you cappuccino.
00:56Okay.
00:57Can I get light foam?
01:03So, yeah, we are facing some financial difficulties, and we just thought that it was important to come clean to
01:10you.
01:10Hmm, come clean is a bit strong.
01:13The man still doesn't know that the root of your money woes is ghost-related tax evasion.
01:17The details are not important.
01:19We knew we had to share it with you, because you're not just our business partner.
01:22I mean, you're our friend.
01:25Are you even listening, Mark?
01:27Hmm?
01:27Oh, yeah, that all sounds great.
01:29We just told you we're in serious financial trouble.
01:32You're right.
01:33I'm so sorry.
01:33Uh, they just came out with a new update for this Fruit Smash game.
01:37It's very addictive.
01:38They added raspberries, which seems like not a big deal, but they give you triple smash points.
01:42Look, I appreciate you guys being honest with me, and I'm here for anything you need, short of lending you
01:46any money.
01:46Ooh, smart man, Mark.
01:48Mark, figure something out, and thank you for letting us bend your ear, Mark.
01:53Mark!
01:54Sorry, I'm just one cantaloupe away from a fruit salad.
01:57That's actually a very big achievement.
01:59I'll catch you guys later.
01:59I'm gonna go check out that thing with the walk-in at the restaurant.
02:03Thanks, Mark.
02:04Well, now what is the plan?
02:05Are you gonna have to sell the house?
02:07And if so, have you considered selling it to Kyle?
02:09Ooh, that would be amazing.
02:11I love Kyle.
02:11Nobody turns a magazine page better, but obviously we miss you dearly.
02:15Of course we don't want to sell, but we are running out of options.
02:17Sam and Jay!
02:19Hi, Mayor Tad!
02:21We met last year at that fundraiser you hosted.
02:23I only feel the need to remind you because you were baked out of your minds, your words.
02:28Hello, sir.
02:30Love a two-handed handshake.
02:31Makes you feel special.
02:32Not as special as a six-handed massage.
02:35Have I ever told you guys about Jordan Belfort's bachelor party?
02:39To what do we owe the pleasure, Mr. Mayor?
02:41Well, I know you're in a bit of a financial pickle.
02:44I've heard about your visit to City Hall today, and I think I might have a solution.
02:49We're listening.
02:50I would like to personally invest in your business, the hotel, the restaurant.
02:55I want to be part of the solution.
02:57You would?
02:58Why?
02:59Well, obviously, I have a special connection with Woodstone.
03:02Because your prom day was chainsawed here?
03:04Go on.
03:05And you guys aren't just constituents.
03:07You're job creators.
03:08I mean, if you were forced to sell, there's no guarantee this property wouldn't just become
03:12some rich person's third house.
03:14I don't know if you could technically call them rich if they only have three houses, but
03:17okay.
03:18Well, it's definitely interesting.
03:20Well, I'll tell you what.
03:21Let's have lunch.
03:22We'll talk about it.
03:23See if this is a good fit.
03:26Thank you, Mr. Mayor.
03:30Now Jay's double-handed it.
03:31This is too many hands.
03:34Thank you all for gathering.
03:36The day has finally arrived.
03:38Ghost representative election day.
03:41And now let's hear closing statements from our candidates.
03:45First up, somehow representing the basement ghosts, Isaac Hickitoot.
03:50Thank you, Sasapis.
03:52My fellow Ghost-Americans, it has been a long and eventful campaign, and I have heard
03:58your problems, and I have formulated solutions.
04:02Remember, a vote for Isaac is a vote for a movie theater-style popcorn machine in the main
04:09lobby.
04:11Oh, yes!
04:12And this is not a false promise.
04:13I have actually secured Samantha's agreement on this.
04:17The aromatic scent of freshly popped corn will waft through these halls.
04:24You have my word!
04:28And now, representing the upstairs ghosts, Flower Montero.
04:33I'm nervous.
04:34I told her she should walk through Gabe to get smart before her speech, but she refused.
04:38Wanted to do it on her own.
04:40Thank you, fellow ghosts.
04:42I just have one question for all of you.
04:45What is this for?
04:48It's your closing statement for the election, Flower?
04:51Right.
04:52The election.
04:53We gotta run that son of a bitch Nixon out of office, man.
04:57By attending music festivals, taking acid and sucking nitrous out of balloons.
05:02Who's with me?
05:05Yeah!
05:07We want the movie theater popcorn thing.
05:10Popcorn thing!
05:12Popcorn thing!
05:13Popcorn thing!
05:15Popcorn thing!
05:15Our girl's in trouble.
05:17Pop!
05:17I gotta say, the B&B is charming as hell.
05:21This restaurant is incredible.
05:22And neither of you currently seems the least bit stoned.
05:26The lowest of bars cleared.
05:28You love to see it.
05:29So, long story short, I don't know.
05:31I'm feeling pretty good about this.
05:33We certainly need the money, but cards on the table, we're a little worried about selling
05:38majority stake in Woodstone, right, Sam?
05:41Sam!
05:42Oh, sorry.
05:43I downloaded this stupid game.
05:45I can't put it down.
05:46I can help you get past that monster melon.
05:48Let's talk later.
05:48Now, where were we?
05:50Look, I completely get it.
05:52Woodstone isn't just a business.
05:53It's your home.
05:54Which you are going to lose unless you close this deal.
05:57I don't know what there even is to talk about.
05:59But it's you guys I'm investing in.
06:01I don't have time to be hands-on.
06:02I like what you're doing.
06:04I want you to keep doing it.
06:05So, you're saying you want to give us money to save the business so we can keep running
06:09it and nothing's going to change?
06:10She's one of the great summarizers of her era.
06:12Yes.
06:13And, you know, if a few headlines pop up here and there about how Mayor Ted saved a local
06:17business in an election year, well, you know, so be it.
06:21So, what do you say?
06:25Uh, we're in.
06:27Woodstone is saved!
06:28And it still doesn't mean you can't ask how to move in.
06:30Hey, Jay, bad news on the walk-in?
06:31Looks like you might need a new control board.
06:34Oh.
06:36Hello, Ted.
06:37Mark.
06:38You two know each other?
06:42Am I crazy or did Mark and Ted have some sort of score to settle?
06:45Mark did some work on my kitchen.
06:47Great.
06:48He's our business partner.
06:49He's the best.
06:51Ted's interested in purchasing a part of our share of the business.
06:54I was interested.
06:56Unfortunately, if Mark's involved, I'm out.
07:01What did Mark do to this man's kitchen?
07:04I ain't leaving.
07:05I'm gonna find out.
07:09I'm sorry.
07:10Are you saying you're not going to invest in the business because Mark is involved?
07:14That's right.
07:15Going into business with someone is all about trust, and Mark is not to be trusted.
07:21You said you wanted bullnose countertops.
07:23I would never.
07:24Everything about me says sharp edges.
07:27Guys, this doesn't need to be a big deal.
07:29Misunderstandings happen.
07:30Yeah, it wasn't a misunderstanding.
07:32I couldn't have been clearer.
07:33Yeah, I agree.
07:34When we discussed this, standing in your kitchen, you clearly stated you wanted bullnose.
07:41That is not what I said.
07:42Two alphas going at it.
07:43I am loving it.
07:44Yep.
07:45She loves alphas.
07:46Look, I like you guys.
07:48I like your business.
07:49I like the optics of me saving the day.
07:53But it's either him or me.
07:54Let me know what you decide.
07:58Screw that guy.
07:59Trust me, you're better off without him.
08:03Hey, that deal fell apart faster than when I took the Hobby Lobby guys to scores for lap dances.
08:08What are we supposed to do?
08:10We're deep in debt.
08:11We need this Tad deal to go through, babe.
08:13You gotta solve the Tad Mark beef.
08:14Get those two to kiss and make up.
08:16Alberta says we need to get Tad Mark to resolve their issue.
08:19How?
08:19It's a he said, he said.
08:20No one who wasn't standing in that kitchen with them knows the truth about how it really went down.
08:25Then why don't we see if anyone else was in that kitchen?
08:28You've got ghosts.
08:29Specifically one who can leave the property.
08:31Okay.
08:32Jay.
08:32What if we send Pete over to Tad's house to see if there were any ghosts who witnessed the conversation
08:36that Mark and Tad are arguing about?
08:38Maybe there's a ghost who heard something helpful.
08:41Interesting.
08:42It's worth a shot.
08:42And if it doesn't work out, are debtors' prisons still a thing?
08:46They may be satisfied with just the husband.
08:49That's some good news.
08:50I cast my vote for Isaac.
08:55Another mark in the Hickentuck column.
08:57This is turning into a bit of a landslide.
09:00Don't be down, Flower.
09:01There's still time to turn this ship around.
09:05His boat analogy, because Viking.
09:08You're the best, Thor.
09:09I would like to vote in the ghost representative election.
09:12Though I prefer theocracy over democracy.
09:15Hi, Patience.
09:16It's been a minute.
09:18Haven't seen you since the whole Christmas canoodle with Trevor.
09:21Elapsed, we shall not speak of again.
09:23He proved to be a man of low morals.
09:25His thick thighs and sublime buttocks notwithstanding.
09:29Which leads me to the only question that matters.
09:31For whom did Trevor vote?
09:33He voted for Isaac.
09:35Ah.
09:35Then I shall cast my vote for Flower.
09:38Oh, right on.
09:39No matter.
09:40My lead is still comfortable.
09:42Not so fast.
09:43The bunker ghosts cast their votes for Flower.
09:45Oh, hey, guy.
09:47What?
09:48My former brethren?
09:50Did our four hours in the cult together mean nothing?
09:53Oh, sorry, Isaac.
09:55But Flower freed us from Bruce's evil clutches.
09:58And by my count, that is seven more votes for Flower, and we're tied, folks.
10:06No, no.
10:07Isaac, it's kind of a bummer for either of us to have to lose.
10:10What if we just did the ghost representative thing together?
10:13A power sharing arrangement?
10:15Never.
10:16I have an idea.
10:20So, you guys all still just staying in bunker?
10:24Yeah, it just seemed like the easiest thing.
10:25Plus, the cots were super nice now that the coroner removed all our corpses.
10:29Yeah, it's a total refresh.
10:31Hmm.
10:32Well, turns out a ghost at the mayor's house did witness the infamous bullnose counter discussion in question.
10:39Really?
10:40Pete says a ghost at Tad's place did witness the conversation.
10:44And the verdict is?
10:47Tad was telling the truth.
10:49Mark is lying?
10:50Seriously?
10:51Not lying.
10:52Mistaken.
10:52Apparently, the original agreement had been to install the bullnose countertops.
10:57Mark had sold the mayor on the idea that they were a classic aesthetic that would stand the test of
11:01time.
11:01Same reason I installed an aquarium while in my condo.
11:04But importantly, this conversation happened two years ago, coinciding exactly with the last major update to the game Fruit Smash.
11:13Okay, so it turns out the mayor was clear about wanting the straight-edge countertops.
11:18But Mark wasn't listening because he was busy playing Fruit Smash.
11:21Hey, so good news about the walk-in.
11:24Control board's actually still under warranty, so it looks like you saved a few bucks.
11:28Hey, Mark.
11:29The whole thing that happened with the mayor's kitchen, when was that exactly?
11:33Hmm, it's gotta be a couple years ago now.
11:35A couple years ago?
11:36Wasn't that right around the time of a new Fruit Smash update?
11:40Why are you asking?
11:41Oh, he's thinking maybe this will jog Mark's memory.
11:43That's smart.
11:44Well, it's just, um, couldn't it be possible that the mayor was clear about the countertops and you weren't listening
11:53because you were smashing fruit?
11:57I see what's going on here.
11:58Look, if you want to side with the rich guys so you can get your precious money, go for it.
12:03No, Mark, it's not like that.
12:04I'm your friend and your partner.
12:07If you should believe anybody, it's me, because I'm in the right here.
12:10Of course you are.
12:12But what if you're not?
12:15You know what?
12:16Forget you guys.
12:17You want to get into bed with Tad?
12:19Go for it.
12:20But make sure he buys my share, too, because I don't want to be in business with people who don't
12:24even trust me.
12:25Mark, wait.
12:28How do you get past Commander Cantaloupe?
12:34My best friend hates me and thinks I don't trust him.
12:36Well, best friend?
12:37He means best visible friend, baby.
12:40He's upset.
12:41Yes, this is unfortunate on a personal level, but at the end of the day, with Mark hating you and
12:47wanting to be bought out, the path is cleared for a deal with Tad.
12:50Hetty's saying that with Mark walking, it does kind of solve our problem with Tad.
12:53I don't want to solve our problem this way.
12:55There wouldn't be a restaurant if it wasn't for Mark.
12:58I know.
12:58It doesn't feel good.
12:59Again, it was Hetty.
13:00This is a stressful situation.
13:02Yeah, these kids could both benefit from a little six-handed massage action.
13:06I know these chicks from the Belfort batch.
13:08They're probably in their 60s now, but if you close your eyes, their hands are 25.
13:12You know what?
13:13Mark doesn't think that we trust him, but I know a way that we can prove to him that we
13:18do.
13:18Come with me, Sam.
13:22Six-handed massage.
13:24You are classless.
13:26My aquarium wall would disagree.
13:29Okay, well, with all the votes recorded, it's looking like this is an unprecedented tie.
13:37Unless there's anybody who hasn't voted yet.
13:40In fact, there is someone who hasn't voted yet.
13:44Bruce, the time has arrived.
13:47Oh, my God.
13:49Howdy, everyone.
13:50Oh, boy.
13:51Where'd he come from?
13:53We summoned him from the dirt.
13:55We played cream over a loudspeaker until he came through the basement wall.
13:59Sorry, Flower.
14:00Really want to smell that movie theater butter.
14:03Uh, okay, so, uh, probably a formality, but, Bruce, who do you vote for?
14:10Who do I vote for?
14:13Hmm, that is a very interesting question.
14:16I spent the last month wandering around in a dark exile, foisted upon me by this traitorous woman I now
14:25stand before.
14:26Not looking good for Flower.
14:27I had a lot of time to think in the dirt, think about ways to plot revenge.
14:35Oh.
14:36But then a funny thing happened.
14:38Between the bouts of pure panic, there was a clarity that settled in.
14:43And I realized I was grateful to Flower.
14:47I'm sorry, what?
14:49Oh, this is taking a turn.
14:51For by exposing me as a fraud, she freed me from my web of lies.
14:57It is for that reason that I cast my deciding vote for Sister Flower.
15:02Oh, come on!
15:05Then it's official.
15:06Flower is the winner.
15:07We have a new ghost representative.
15:09Yay!
15:12Hey, Mark, wait.
15:14There's nothing left to talk about, Jake.
15:15You have every reason to be mad at us.
15:17We accused you of something that we couldn't prove, but here's the thing.
15:20We don't just think you were wrong.
15:21We know you were wrong.
15:23I'm sorry, is this an apology?
15:24The reason that we know what happened in that mayor's kitchen is a ghost told us.
15:31What?
15:32Sam can see ghosts.
15:34And we have a ghost on our property who could travel to other properties.
15:37It's a very rare and cool ghost power.
15:39Anyway, our ghost talked to a ghost at Tad's house, and that's how we know what happened.
15:43This is insane.
15:44This is us showing you how much we trust you by letting you in on our most closely guarded secret.
15:49Sam, ask the ghost to do that thing where they prove their existence.
15:52You're going to love this.
15:53Uh, sweetie, there aren't any ghosts out here.
15:55Seriously?
15:56They're always around except when you need them.
15:58I'm going to go.
15:59Don't call me.
16:00Mark, hold on!
16:02Just come back in the house, we'll find a ghost, and then we'll straighten this all out.
16:07Please.
16:08Mark, you are my best visible friend.
16:11I promise you I wouldn't make this up.
16:16Prove it.
16:18You know what?
16:18I think they're in the barn.
16:19Follow me.
16:21Yep.
16:22Here are the ghosts.
16:23They're gathered for the ghost election.
16:25Right.
16:25The ghost election.
16:26Samantha, I have suffered an ignominious defeat, but I would like to request that you
16:31still go forward with installing the movie theater popcorn machine in the lobby, because
16:36the people deserve it.
16:38Aww.
16:40What are you talking about?
16:41What movie theater popcorn machine?
16:43I asked you earlier.
16:45We had a whole conversation.
16:47Was I playing a game on my phone?
16:50Perhaps.
16:50Yeah, I don't remember agreeing to any of that, and it sounds insane and expensive, so sorry.
16:57A colonial ghost wants a popcorn machine.
16:59Welcome to my life.
17:01Guys, listen up.
17:02We told Mark that Sam can talk to ghosts, and we need your help proving it, so check
17:06his pockets, see how many fingers he's got behind his back, you know, the classics.
17:10We're happy to help.
17:11Won't Thor do light thing?
17:13Yes, great.
17:14The Viking ghost is going to make the lights blink.
17:19Wait one second, Thor.
17:22I hate to do this, but I do have a fiduciary responsibility to my constituents.
17:27We'll prove your abilities to Mark, but we need your word that you will procure that
17:31popcorn machine for the lobby.
17:33Damn, Flower, did you walk through game?
17:35No.
17:35I'm just momentarily lucid.
17:37So, what's supposed to happen here?
17:39Uh, Flower, are you escorting us?
17:41Oh yeah, big time.
17:43My God.
17:45She's good at this.
17:46Okay, fine.
17:47You can have the popcorn machine.
17:52Thorfinn, do your thing.
17:59And that's just an amuse-bouche.
18:01There's more.
18:05On the one hand, I can't believe it, but on the other hand, it explains so much.
18:09I mean, no offense, Sam, but your behavior's been deeply weird.
18:13For years.
18:14A lot of that behavior has nothing to do with ghosts.
18:16We probably should have told you a lot sooner.
18:18We've told very few people.
18:20Oh, my office said you wanted to speak.
18:22No, what is he doing here?
18:24Did I not make myself clear?
18:25If he's in, I'm out.
18:27I asked Sam and Jay to get in touch with you.
18:29There's something I want to say.
18:30Please just hear him out, Ted.
18:33After replaying things in my mind a little bit,
18:36I think, uh, maybe I got it wrong.
18:39Really?
18:40I know I got it wrong, so I'm sorry.
18:43And as a gesture of my remorse, I'm willing to redo the countertops free of charge.
18:50Actually, the bullnose kind of grew on me.
18:52Seriously?
18:53You were right, man.
18:54It's timeless.
18:55It was just the principle of the thing.
18:57Your apology, that's good enough for me.
19:00So we have a deal?
19:02We have a deal.
19:05What's done is saved!
19:06I know I screamed that earlier, but this time I think it's gonna stick.
19:15Oh, hey, man.
19:18Madam Representative?
19:20Isaac, we're friends.
19:22You can call me Jennifer.
19:24Wait, that doesn't sound right.
19:25Did you come here to gloat, Flower?
19:27Is this the type of reception I have to look forward to over the next four years?
19:31No, I actually came to ask you for help.
19:34It's just, Ghost Ramp seems like such a big job,
19:37and I don't really have a lot of experience with politics.
19:40I mean, I was orgy co-chair of my cult, but that was mostly just picking the music.
19:46What I'm saying is, I think I might need a vice ghost rep.
19:54Really?
19:54It's just I don't really have the time.
19:56I could use help carrying the load.
19:58You know, public appearances, glad-handing,
20:01all the boring stuff where people are really just kissing your butt.
20:05I mean, I suppose if it would help you,
20:09I could take some of that butt kiss receiving off of your plate.
20:13I really appreciate this, Isaac.
20:16You're welcome, Flower.
20:18And if you must know,
20:20I actually think you're not going to be terrible at this.
20:23With my help, of course.
20:24Not terrible at what?
20:26At being ghost representative.
20:28Is it hard?
20:29Oh, I was orgy co-chair of my cult,
20:32but that was mostly just picking the music.
20:35Cool.
20:38Get ready for a new Ghosts.
20:40Are they in here?
20:41There's a Viking, a finance pro, a scout leader, and a hippie.
20:44And a purple astronaut named Ronald.
20:46Only you can see him flower.
20:48Right.
20:48Ghosts is all new.
20:50CBS next Thursday and streaming on Paramount+.
20:53Netlux new.
20:54You in?
20:55Oh, you know it.
20:56CBS next.
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